Sand flea, which can leap to the top of a twostory building in the rare event you somehow escape wild cat. Big dog, made to assist humans in the vital task of hurling cinder blocks. Pet man which no doubt one day will make a pet out of man. And, of course, cheetah, a bladelegged cyber beast with a top speed of over 28 Miles Per Hour which is faster than usain bolt. So there goes my plan to flee these robots on boltback. laughter so, folks, tonight folks, tonight i am proud to say im announcing the formation of a Rebel Alliance to defend humanity. After all, these things are just like imperial walkers. We already know how to defeat those. laughter thats why i have started an ewok breeding program. audience reacts uhhuh, uhhuh. laughter yes. My first goal s to get this ewok to stop pooping in my house. Yes, youre going to learn to catch cinder blocks. Throw me a cinder block throw me a cinder block but, of course, some technology is our friend. Like the kind used by the n. S. A. Which has been rocked by that certified nutlid Edward Snowden. And we dont even know how bad it is because officials have no idea how much information he has collected. Thats right. The extent of Edward Snowdens leaks are as fuzzy and as illdefined as his mustache. laughter so in a desperate bid to find out how much intel snowden took, n. S. A. Officials recently floated the idea of offering Edward Snowden amnesty. Id take the deal, ed. Just come back with all the intel and all is forgiven. I tell you what, to make you feel safe well meet you in a special amnesty zone. laughter folks, the n. S. A. Is just doing their job and theyre just doing it in more places than you ever imagined. The n. S. A. Activity didnt stop with emails or cell phones of foreign leaders according the guardian and the New York Times which say the agency also spied on video games like world of war craft and second life. Stephen thats right, the n. S. A. Is spying on second life a game for people who dont have a first one. laughter and thank god they are. The n. S. A. Knows that online games are a targetrich Communication Network allowing intelligent suspects a way to hide in plain sight. And one n. S. A. Worker described online games as an opportunity to get his dwarf rogue up to level 9. laughter so the n. S. A. Went undercover in these Virtual Worlds with makebelieve characters to snoop and try to recruit informers. In fact, so many different u. S. Intelligence agents were conducting operations inside games that a deconfliction group was required to ensuring they werent spying on or interfering with each other. laughter as seen in this recentlyleaked footage. Nice, new. Totally. So you want to blow up a bridge . I dont know. Do you . Only if you do. Wait, agent kincaid . Agent pat r son . Hang on. Is everyone here from the n. S. A. . Yup. Uhhuh. Sure am. Me, too. laughter stephen and, folks, their virtual hard work has virtually paid off because the documents contain no indication that the surveillance ever foiled any terrorist plots, nor is there any clear evidence that terror groups were using the virtual communities to communicate as intelligence agencies predicted. So no terrorists in world of war craft, which means they must have moved on to madden 25. But folks, all this moaning about n. S. A. Snooping totally ignores the great snooping being done by the f. B. I. The feds have unveiled their greatest technological breakthrough since whatever they used to keep mulder and scully from doing it. They were perfect for each other print my fan fiction cheers and applause jim . Our government has had the ability to turn on our web cams on our computers and monitor us at home and we dont even know it. The feds are reportedly able to use secret technology to disable the web cams green light so you have no idea youre on. A source tells the Washington Post that the f. B. I. Has been able to hack into our web cams for several years. Stephen folks, this is a major breakthrough. Previously you wan if you wantey on someone through your web cam you had to pay 1. 99 per minute. laughter and what they were strapping on was not a suicide vest. audience reacts still, there might be times when you dont want a nameless bureaucrat to watch your every move. Thats why i have invented a powerful new antisurveillance Security System called total analog personal encryption. Or tappay. Here is the prototype, okay . applause folks, for just three easy payments of 12 easy payments at 59. 99 you can up log the system over your web cams lens, all right . And the patented quad corner opacity will jam the f. B. I. s optical signals. And then once youre off the grid you can use it. cheers and applause you can use it to encrypt packages and window cracks. So get yours today but remember the offer is not available for terrorists. Youre on your honor. Well be right back. cheers and applause ev ,x 1 ,x0000 this holiday, tech the halls and ring in the savings with up to 50 off rc toys android tablets as low as 89. 99 and Stocking Stuffers under 9. 99 get great deals on the best brands at radioshack. cheers and applause . Stephen welcome back, everybody, thanks so much. Folks, folks, if you were watching the show last week i told you about how id been nominated for a grammy. cheers and applause well now, folks, im going to tell you again, ive been nominated for a grammy. cheers and applause its for the audio version of my book america again rebecomeing the greatness we never werent. laughter its up for best spoken word album and theres only one thing standing between me and my grammy and its four things. David sedaris, carol burnett, Billy Crystal and the 94yearold folk legend pete seeger. I have vowed to crush them like amazingly talented bugs and when i go on stage to accept my award on grammy night cheers and applause spoken word nominee Billy Crystal what are you doing here . Hello, stephen. laughter . Stephen hey, bill, whats up . What am i doing here . Im currently performing my oneman show 700 sundays at the imperial theater, 249 west 45th street only three more weeks. But thats not why im here. Stephen then why are you here . I think i just heard you say you were going to crush me. Stephen the word crush gets thrown around so much in this business do we even know what it means anymore . How about to destroy, humiliate . Stephen thats about right, yeah. Let me tell you something, you son of a bitch. Ill have you know i was a big star in this town before you were just slightly younger than i am. laughter stephen i still am, billy. You son of a bitch. I deserve that grammy. All ive got now are my tony, six emmys, mark twain prize, my star on the hollywood walk of fame and my Blockbuster Entertainment award. cheers and applause stephen you got a blocky . laughter you son of a bitch son of a bitch is my line, you son of a bitch. Stephen billy i need the grammy all ive got now is my nine emmys, my two peabodys and, of course, my grammy. audience reacts you son of a bitch stephen shh, youre scaring her wil laughter listen, billy, were colleagues, why are we fighting . Because you said you were going crush me. Stephen right. Okay. laughter but what i really meant was that i just hope that pete seeger doesnt win. What an bleep . Stephen yeah, he is. Besides he already won the Lifetime Achievement grammy in 1993. Yes, and he keeps on living its so selfish stephen Billy Crystal, i feel like ive learned a lot from you today. I hope you win the grammy. Thank you, stephen. laughs Stephen Billy is there anything you want to say to me . I hope you lose. laughter . Stephen you son of a bitch 700 sundays, the imperial theater, only three more weeks. Son of a bitch two stephen well be right male narrator theres something positive being generated in california. When ordinary energy is put in the hands of extraordinary people, Amazing Things happen. The kind of things that drive us to do more, to go further, to be better. Were dedicated to being a company you can count on, because youve always been customers we believe in. Your energy plus ours. Together, theres no limit to what we can achieve. Stephen my guest tonight is the c. E. O. Of because feed. Ill give you one reason why hes on the greatest show ever. Please welcome jonah peretti. cheers and applause thank you, hey, jonah, thanks so much for coming on. Merry christmas. Thank you. Stephen merry christmas. How are you . Merry christmas, my friend. Merry christmas to you, happy holidays. Stephen thank you very much. Thank you very much. That was agonizing. Stephen all right. Founder and c. E. O. Of buzzfeed. One of the cofounders of Huffington Post in 2005. What youve got is the future of news agree or disagree . Were a news and entertainment company. Were investing heavily in news. We just did our first reporting from syria we have people in kiev covering the protest there and we are starting an Investigative Journalism team by Pulitzer Prize winning journalists that start in january. Were building up. Stephen okay, but why would you do that . Why would you pollute your brand with journalism . laughter you dont see dancing with the stars cutting out of their show to report on chicago gun violence. Youve gotten a incredibly easytodigest site. People call your site full of click bait. Is that an insult to you . I think you should have it as badge of honor. We dont care about what they click, we care about what they share. The best viral Marketing Strategy is understanding the human head and heart. If you make things that people want to talk about with their friends youll have success. Stephen how often do people want to find out about atrocities in syria and how often do they want to see the 15 sexiest pandas . laughter it depends how sexy the pandas are. Stephen or sexy otters or whatever it is. Or how bad the atrocities are, also. Stephen okay. Sexy atrocities. Or sexy pandas acting out syrian atrocities. I just got your next click bait, my friend. Stephenfriend. Your talents are wasted here. You should start posting for us. Stephen so many people are copying you now. Is it going to be only a matter of time before the New York Times is buzzfeeding their own site . People have to follow their own path. Stephen their bath is right into bankruptcy. What is theyre firing people. Youre hiring people. What path would you recommend people take . Its hard to copy someone else. Stephen no, its very, very, very easy. As a matter of fact, its not only a sincere form of flattery but an Excellent Way to make money. See, like network television. They just copy each other. Its more complicated what were doing. You have technology, you have the culture of the company. Stephen what is the culture of buzzfeed . Five words or less . Whats your culture . Playful, experimental, its learning from data, but its also building intuition. Stephen thats 10. Learning from data, building intuition gets you up to 10. laughter are you a journalist . I didnt come from a journalism background, i came from a technology background. That is why i hired ben smith as our editorinchief to lead our journalism. Stephen ben smith used to be at politico. He did, yes. Stephen why leave politico to come work for you guys . Is it because he wanted to work for a site that had less gossip . laughter he wanted to build something new. He was one of the he was part of the team that really built politico and i think he was excited about he saw the way the web was shifting towards social and he wanted to build something new and different and we all believe we can build a Big Media Company that for the way people consume media today mobile and social being the dominant things people use to consume their media. Stephen whats a listicle . That sounds like a list of the top two testicles in my scrotum. What is a listicle . Well have that on the site tomorrow, im sure. The a listicle is just a list. The Ten Commandments were a list. Stephen really. The Ten Commandments is a listicle . The bill of rights. Stephen whats the different between a listicle and a list then. List is a better word. We didnt say listicle, other people said that. Stephen you go with that. What are you going to do . Everyone says it. Stephen stand your ground. laughter 50 years from now is everything going to be buzzfeed . Are we going to look back at are people going to refer to buzzfeed as the you know, the old gray lady . The listicle of record . laughter its a very dynamic time in the media industry. So many things are changing so rapidly right now. Stephen by dynamic you mean cluster bleep , right . laughter people just media just being thrown on the death wagon as it rattles through town . Its a challenging time for print media and theres a lot of exciting new companies forming and its hard to say what will happen ten years, 50 years out, but we need to continually change what we do. Stephen are you going to get any of those google robots . They can deliver the newspaper, i guess. Stephen they could go get the news. You could you could get robots to force people to do things that are newsworthy. laughter hmm . Thats a good idea. Yeah. Stephen all right, well thank you so much for joining me. Thanks for having me. Stephen jonah peretti. Buzzfeed. cheers and applause go click on it. Well be right back. Modern remixed version this holiday, tech the halls and ring in the savings with our radioshack price match guarantee. Get great deals on the best brands at radioshack. Stephen here to join me for christmas cheer. Welcome gregg allman and 2014 grammy nominee it is national. cheers and applause city sidewalks, busy sidewalks dressed in holiday style, in the air theres a feeling of christmas children laughing, people passing meeting smile after smile, on every Street Corner youll hear no silver bells, silver bells, its christmas time in the city. Ring a ling, hear them ring soon it will be Christmas Day darling, you are the cow of my every field the sad song of a tree full of silent birds a tight hand held, you hold my heart it beats its part and warms your hand i hope silver bells, silver bells its christmas time in the city ring a ling, hear them ring soon it will be Christmas Day note . Silver bells, silver bells, its christmas time in the city ring a ling, hear them ring soon it will be Christmas Day soon it will be Christmas Day cheers and applause . Stephen good night, everybody cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] jon welcome to the daily show. [cheers and applause] my name is jon stewart. Our guest tonight were very excited saudi filmmaker Haifaa Al Mansour will be on the show. Shes done this film wajada. Tremendous. Off the top you may recall if youve seen our program last week we had a little spirited fun with meghan kelly. Were meg yin kelly. Her response to santa being a color other than white. Kids at home santa is white. Were just debating this because someone wrote about it. Jon see. [ laughter ] like most debates it started by giving you the definitive answer first. Now, unfortunately for miss kelly for fox her spram televised. Her program is televised. And people who saw the segment or read about it expressed an opinion that what she said was wrong and defensive and oddly definitive for a discussion of a fictional character and bleep ed. People thought it was like re