Pounds while caramel is a lumbering tubbo at 38 pounds. Hey, fatso, did you already eat the chicken and the duck . Why would anybody vote for caramel who listens to lady gaga when popcorn jams out to beyonce. Come on, caramel. Lady gaga isnt your friend. Shes already dressed up as three of the four major food groups. Whereas beyonce sang i dont think youre ready for this jelly which is clearly a song about how popcorn is not ready to be served with cranberry sauce. laughter long story short, caramel is a loser and the American People agree with me. An annual thanksgiving tradition president obama pardoning this years turkey, popcorn is the name of the turkey, receiving the president ial pardon. Popcorn beat a turkey named caramel for the honor. Stephen boom suck it, caramel the internet has spoken and they decided you lose. And since its the internet, theyve also decided that youre gay ron paul 2012. laughter not sure which of those two youre applauding for but thank you. But nation theres a dark side to this story of two caged animal kos peteing to notdie. Neither of them die. However, when the online voting ended even though it looked like the Obama Administration was going to take a stand and caramel was going to get executed the white house tweeted, in fact, no, no, no, theyre both going to live. Stephen thats right our coward in chief wasnt satisfied pulling out of iraq and pulling out of afghanistan. Now hes pulling out of turkey. laughter mr. President , what kind of message does this send the kids . What do parents say when their child looks up with those big wet eyes and ask mommy, why do things have to not die . This is the weakening of our democracy elections have consequences, sir next youre going to tell me that the losing miss america contestants get to live laughter well, nation, i for one am not going to stand for it. Thats why im sitting. Also why ive started a petition at colbertnation. Com calling on president obama to live up to the duties of his office and execute caramel the turkey. laughter . cheers and applause okay . So head to colbertnation. Com and sign my petition. By the white houses own rules, if we get 100,000 responses in 30 days they have to respond. Soon obama could be giving that loser caramel what hes got coming to him. Hopefully letting popcorn watch. He earned it. laughter now, speaking of the holidays, folks, i want to wish you all a merry sooner monday and for any nonchristian viewers. Happy robot chanukah. Now, i spent my cyber monday cyberring on amazon. Com because i love their overnight delivery service. I like to snuggle under the covers with the happy thought that in the next three hours my new threespeed can opener will move to a different warehouse. Amazons overnight delivery of such items as 15 foot trampolines and 25,000 84 inch televisions has one fatal flaw. It takes forever laughter if i have to wait until tomorrow for my items to arrive there goes tonights plans to watch monday night football while doing back flips on my trampoline. laughter fortunately, amazon c. E. O. And billionaire busytown worm jeff bezos laughter . He gets that this is a problem and is hes doing something to solve it. These are octocopters. These are effectively tkrepb bus theres no reasons they cant be used as delivery vehicles. We can do half hour delivery. Half hour tkhr eufly. And we can carry objects up to five pounds which covers 86 of the items that we deliver. Stephen folks, these amazon drones are a great idea. And guaranteed to be safe thanks to all the drone testing weve done overseas laughter i mean, worstcase scenario, a few homes get carpet gifted with some collateral generosity. But dont take my word for how simple it is when theres this carefullyproduced short film from amazon. Theres the drone picking up the package and flying out of the warehouse navigating through the parts of america with no trees, phone lines, or buildings then landing on your doorstep while your family cowers inside until after the semiautonomous blade wielding octocopter leaves. Yes, nation, flying products to our doorstep inside of half an hour is a bold plan right out of science fiction. It leaves my with only one question why does it take so long . I want my stuff now and i know how to get it. So put on your future hat, jeff bezos because ive cooked up an idea that will bring buying as we know it to a new level. Close your eyes and picture this. Im going to keep my eyes open because i have to read these words here but everybody else, heres the idea. Amazon locations that customers can walk into and buy things laughter and the inventory would be arranged not as dropdow dropdows but rows of physical merchandise a customer can actually touch and instead of waiting precious minutes for a drone to arrive they can place their selections into a wheeled basket conveyance. Its inspired by your web sites abstract cart graphic. laughter thus, they have the products instantly. I call it amazon live. Call me, bezos. Your money and my idea we can have these spending habit opportunity places or shops, as i call them up and running by 2025. Well be right back. cheers and applause avo this holiday tech the halls and ring in the savings with a free 50 online visa when you buy a phone get great deals on the best phones at radioshack cheers and applause . Stephen welcome back, everybody, thank you so much folks, you know now that thanksgiving has come and gone it means were twothirds the way through the christmas season. But theres still time for the secular christmas haters out there to mount their offensive against the baby jesus. But this year baby js got backup. This is the blitzkrieg on grinchitude. cheers and applause hallelujah cheers and applause stephen nation, if you know your bible im sure youre a familiar with the parable of how ernest saved christmas. I dont know why the vat cant is dragging its feet on making this man a saint. In fact, saving christmas is something of a christmas tradition but this year christmas is returning the favor because last week a Christmas Tree saved a family from a bullet. laughter a familys house was hit by a stray bullet during a driveby shooting. One family says things could have been a whole lot worse if it werent for where the Christmas Tree was. Well i was sitting on my couch right there and i heard six, eight loud pops. If the tree wasnt here we would have had the couch right underneath the windows. Stephen what an inspiring act of courage. laughter by silently volunteering to be put where the couch had been the tree placed itself in the line of fire and when the shooting began, the tree didnt hesitate to not move. laughter you know, folks, it was just a month away from retiring. Now, Authorities Say the tree will recover from the bullet but probably not being chopped off by the roots and drag indoors. laughter but i say if our Christmas Trees are willing to show this kind of bravery, lets at least make it a fair fight. Time to get rid of the onerous government regulations preventing trees from having guns. laughter now, inevitably, yes, a tree here or there will go crazy and turn its ornaments on the family, but its not the guns fault. What we need to do is make sure trees get the Mental Health treatment that they desperately need. Besides, no one should get hurt as long as no one breaks into the house in the middle of the night, say down a which chimne. Well be right back. cheers and applause i cqbpi÷gl cheers and applause . Stephen welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight is a science journalist whose new book is called focus the hidden driver of excellence. The unhidden driver of excellence is paying your rent. Please welcome daniel goleman. cheers and applause thanks for coming on. All right, youre a psychologist, an author, a science journalist and youre most famous book is called emotional intelligence. It sold over five million copies. What is emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence means being intelligent about emotions. Stephen what does that mean . Arent books themselves like your book about isnt that book smart not emotion smart . laughter well, the book is about how to manage your emotions, how to be selfaware, how to be empathic, how to tune into someone else. Stephen but you cant think about emotions. You have to feel emotions, right . You have to project like emotions like i cant read about that, ive got to read your face, are you like rolling your eyes or going i heard you the first time thats part of emotional intelligence, picking up cues from people about how people are feeling. Stephen how am i feeling right now . I think youre feeling very serious. Are you . Stephen im not in touch with my own emotions. laughter but if you were emotionally intelligent you would be. Stephen you wrote an article this fall in the old new york times, the grady di there called rich people just careless. Guess who has two thumbs, a lot of cash and doesnt care that these arent thumbs, okay . laughter why as a rich person heres an emotional intelligence. Why should i care about why should i care . Im rich. I got mine, jack. Reasonable question. But think about bill gates. Heres a guy who made millions, billions stephen bills a friend, be careful. And he spends his time some of his time getting to know people who are very poor and getting to understand them. He says it makes things very meaningful for him. Another reason is, you know, the pope makes the argument that its the ethical thing to do is tune into people who are poor or powerless stephen yeah, yeah, yeah. But that was the real pope. The new spoep a fake pope. Are you a catholic . No. Stephen well, you wouldnt know it. Thats not a real pope. But i like what he says a lot. Stephen of course, of course. What is the empathy gap you talk about . We have an empathy gap in america . The empathy gap shows up in a lot of ways. In conversation people who have more power tend to pay less attention to the person with less power. In email very interesting in organizations stephen im sorry, what . laughter in an organization, like in a workplace, in a business, people who are higher in the hierarchy take longer to answer emails from people who are lower in the organization. You can actually map the organizational hierarchy by how can it takes person a to answer person b. Stephen wow. I have never answered one email. laughter . Stephen so you must be very powerful. Top of the pyramid, my friend. Stephen how do you fix it . I dont have to give away my money, do any thats a nightmare scenario. Do i have to not be rich him . The way to heal a gap between any two groups that dont understand each other is contact. So, for example, when bill gates goes a third world country and meets people who have the problems of poverty, what hes doing is having the kind of time with them and understanding with them that lets him know how best to help them. Stephen youre not talking about me flying commercial, are you . laughter because even first class is like it looks like they shot 12 monkeys in there. I have to fly private. I have to fly private still. Stephen well, it might mean flying commercial. Stephen have you ever been on a king air 350i . No. Stephen then you dont know what youre talking about. laughter you have a new book called focus, the hidden driver of excellence. Im excellent. Am i focusd . The more you can Pay Attention. Like, for a kid, the more you can do your home work and do the games, video games, the more you can Pay Attention to what the teacher is saying and not text your friends, turns out thats the best predictor of your Financial Success in adulthood. Better than i. Q. , better than the wealth of the family you grew up in. Stephen if im a rich person and i got rich by focusing, maybe thats why i have no empathy for other people because i am focused on me. laughter and getting stuff done. And if i had empathy for other people i wouldnt be so focused on my success. Stephen there are three kinds of empathy. One is cognitive. Which is understanding how people think. One is emotional empathy. Thats what creates rapport. Then theres a third kind which is empathic concern. This is the popes kind where you tune into people and if theres something you can do for them you do help them. And all three kinds of empathy make our lives much, much more fulfilled. Stephen let me ask you something. Ive always wondered about this. You know how when you go to the bathroom and youre on the toilet there and theres a strong desire to read Something Like a book, you know . Or the back of a shampoo bottle or Something Like that . Is that because, you know, back in the caveman days when we would go to the bathroom wed be vulnerable and suddenly our awareness, our focus becomes very broad for fear that the tiger is going to get us at that moment of vulnerability . Is something squirtin squirtingy brain at that moment, some gland squirting that makes me interested in anything . Because ive always thought if i could capture that moment of focus that i have when im on the toilet and reading i could turn that into pill, everyone would be a genius. laughter is something happening there . I think something is happening but we dont know what and wed have to look at your brain to find out. Stephen when are we most focusd . Turns out people are most focused during sex, no surprise. Theyre least focused the mind wanders about 50 of the time. It wanders the most when people are commuting, sitting in front of a computer terminal. Stephen what if youre making love at a computer terminal . It would probably average out to about 50 . Stephen well, good luck with your research on that particular subject. Thank you so much for joining me. Daniel goleman. The book is focus. Well be right back. cheers and applause avo this holiday tech the halls and ring in the savings with a free 50 online visa when you buy a phone get great deals on the best phones at radioshack cheers and applause . Stephen thank you so much. Thank you so much. Welcome back, everybody. You might know its hard to believe but weve been on the air for eight years. cheers and applause since the report began in 2005 ive gotten a few gray hairs, a wrinkle or two and a crippling vicodin addiction. laughter jimmy, lets edit that last part out. Can do. Stephen all right. Now loyal viewers know that each year i unveil a newport rate of myself standing in front of my previous portraits of myself. Its a depiction of america, a mebius strip, if you will. Today marks the reports eighth anniversary if there was october 17. Im about a month and a half behind because im a always forgetting my anniversary in typical guy fashion and boy am i going to get it from me when i get home. Dont workry, the makeup sex is worth it. laughter well, its that time again, ladies and gentlemen, so here we go. Lets count down from 2. One, two cheers and applause boom look at that audience chanting stephen thats nice. Folks, i want to thank you all for eight wonderful years. And i want to thank everyone here at the report. Its your hard work that makes it possible for me to get all the credit. laughter good night. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org from Comedy Central ealz world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. Welcome to the daily show. Thank you for join us tonight. My name is jon stewart. From the film p Dallas Buyers Club this is a good movie you have to check it out. Jared leto is here. Unbelievable. Listen to this, were currently in what i feel like is the most wonderful time of the year. [laughter] why not . [laughter] festive trees go up, carolers break out in song. Starbucks switches out the vat of Pumpkin Spice additives for the vat of peppermint additives. Its a time to cherish what we have because we could lose it. How majorities are become are notes at the pool. How sharia law is changing everything. Jon its changing everything and probably not for the better. While i dont know what sharia law is i know its muslimy. And if fox is talking about it its going to destroy the nation. A ymca in st. Paul is starting a swim group for muslim girls but special considerations have to be made to keep with religious beliefs. Jon oh, my god special considerations. Everything has changed. [ laughter ] wait, what has changed