Then i review an exciting Childrens Book. I dont care how hungry that caterpillar is. Its not getting food stamps. And my guest chris fisher is a conservationist who tracks great white sharks. A flight was grounded because there was a snake on the plane. Its just like the samuel l. Jackson movie, django unchained. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report. Thank you for joining us, ladies and gentlemen. Stephen Stephen StephenStephen StephenStephen StephenStephen Stephen. Stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you, so much. Thank you in there, out there, all around the world. Thank you for joining us. And by us of course i mean us. cheers and applause were a family now because ive adopted them. laughter come tax time i will be claiming them as dependents. In addition to being honored on the emmys, i was promptly featured on a Television Show people actually watch. You wea awake . Yeah. We have ben jerrys, wenut butter cup, and americone dream. Stephen thats right. My ice cream. Americone dream. The only ice cream liked by sociopathic white strem sifts. It does keep the vanilla separate from the caramel. This is the biggest cue since silence of the lambs endorsed nivea. Folks, i believe its about damn time they did this after all the times i have plugged their product the blue. Upon what might put you in the mindset for mayhem . A nice big bag of meth. Some of the tasty blue. Hey, i plug what the Network Tells me to. Sometimes its doritos. Sometimes its 92 pure methamphetamine. Both made by guys in hazmat the suits. And, folk,s they dont just mention my ice cream on breaking bad. It has a key role in the plot. Before my ice cream, jesse cant reach the bars of his cienl, but after eating my ice cream, he can leap like an eagle. cheers and applause . And ill tell you where he got that energy. Every pint of americone dream is made with love. And meth. laughter i had to do something to compete with Jimmy Fallons late night smack. laughter and, folks, to celebrate the Cultural Impact of americone dream as well as the Series Finale of this show, monday night my guest will be breaking bad creator vince gilligan. Spoiler alert, spoiler alert, folks we are going to spoil everything. So watch it sunday night. Now, nation there are some people who complain that political discourse in this country has become too polarized and overhe wanted. Well, i hope those people get shot. I for one love a good argument, and that is why i am so excited about the return of cnn cnns crossfire which back in the 80s practically invented people yelling incoherently at each other. I love watching people fly off the handle. Thats why my favorite show is the return desk at best buy. You just dont know whats going to happen. And until the revamped crossfire appeared earlier this month, the only plaes you could find intract ebl political shoutfest was everywhere else on capable news. And i knew this new crossfire was gog deliver as soon as i saw the promo. Conservatives and liberals ls have a responsibility to the country to advance ow views and theyre not the same. I am going to scis of disagree with you pause i think youre all wrong. Stephen did you catch that, the all new crossfire returns. Even the tag line is arguing with itself. cheers and applause . People are very excited about the new crossfire. But, nation yshould cnn viewers have all the lets call it fun . Tiwant in on this new era of bickertainment. So tonight im introducing the triumphant return of my briefly nonexistent debate segment, coincidentless, counterpointless. Folks, ive seen him participate as a debater. In this segment ill be serving as the debate moderator making thiewr thing tonight get too moderate. I have found two perfect adversaries to appeal it a young demographic. Fers on the right, he has friends in high places. Please welcome big bird. Good to see you. Is there and to my left please welcome oscar the growth. Gentlemenk gentlemen, thuf for joining me. How are you doing this evening . Crummy. Stephen how about you, big bird . Well, toon honest, stephen, im a little nervous. Stephen thats okay big pird. Just be yourself. Be myself, hmmmm. Im to go it. Stephen tonight were debating the most controversial topics of our times started with the letters. Big bird what, say you . Oh, i like the letters. Lot of great things start with s. , like sunshine, and sailboat, stephen. And, stephen, your name starts with. So big bird likes the letters. Tell me, do we still needs. Stephen i like the letters, so many words show your. Thats when people use big birds. Thats annoying. And grouches love being annoyed. Stephen wait a second, you both like the the letter s. Thats shocking. Oh, shocking start with the letter s. Stephen hey, knock it off. The whole idea of this show is isagreement i meade you to argue. No. What . You wont do that . No, im sorry. I thought you wanted me to argue with you . No, not me whim. Jiewf just supposed to fight. Come on, lets talk some trash. Oh, that i can do. Crash is great so dirty and disgusting and yuckie. Stephen jimmy whats happening oh, i love trash. Stephen oscar. Anything dirty or dingy or dusty anything ragged or rotten or rustied. Yes, i love trash. No, what am i doing . Stop it . Stop it. Anger, now get angry, go. But im not angry. Oscar surely youre angry. No, no, im crowding a but sit burden of proof emotional distinction. Distinction. Stephen well im angry. Im angry you two arent angry. Thats silly. You need help. Stephen, whenever i get angry, i put my hands on my belly, i take deep breaths to calm down. Stephen i dont want to calm down i just want to have a debate show like everybody else where they yell and scream. This is the worst debate show ever applause cheers gee, i thought it was pretty cool. No, it was lousy. I liked it. I thought i was supposed to be the one who liked trash. Stephen well be right back cheers and applause รท stephen welcome back, everybody. Folks, if you are a longtime viewer of this show you know i admire conservative radio host and angry scoop of ice cream, rush limbaugh. Thats why i buyering pel out by elrush bows media empire his books, his tshirts, even his excellence in broadcasting executive office chair. It has the perfect swivel action you need when youre mocking michael j. Foxs parkinsons. Well, get ready, folks. Because now rush has written a book for kids. The conservative commentator announced hes written rush revere and the brave pilgrims. Time travel adventures with exceptional americans. It tells his version of the thanksgiving story. Stephen yes, rush revere and the brave pilgrims and you know theyre brave because theyre willing to put themselves between rush and a turkey. Just look at the cover. Its almost 40 not his ha head. It features rush revere, a substitute middle School Teacher and a very special sidekeck. Weve gichen him a horse. Weve given him a talking horse. Liberty talks. Stephen of course, rib tee is mostly saying, good lord. Are you shire theres only one guy sitting on me. laughter applause the other end of the horse tells us more. Liberty has the ability to time travel. So in this book rush revere gl to the mayflower and liberty and talk to the pilgrims aworld the mayflower as theyre sailing to what will become america. Stephen i know that was a lot for you, folks. Rush revere is a modern day middle School Teacher who dresses like paul revere, and this is very important is not an oxycontin hallucination. cheers and applause . Of course, rush revere isnt just a time traveling equestrian substitute teacher. Hes also the mascot for rushs two if by tea bottled iced tea. Its the greatest corporate childrens lit tiein since one fish, two fish, red fish, radio shack. And rush is not the only conservative hurt lick through time. In 2011, Mike Huckabee spruced the time travel Academy Series about teens going back in time to learn history without liberal bias. Prepare to be huckified. The downturn in the economy is killing us. People are out of work. Some of our morals are just gone. Give me your money. Government is not the solution to our problems. Government is the problem. Stephen good luck find a history book that teaches how reagan saved america from disco stabbers. And who can forget calista calia gingrichs ellis the elephant series. In sweet land of liberty, ellis goes back to the time of the founder founders and discovt all men are created equal, which apparently includes elephants, but not tblak people. Now, its no diswen all these conservatives are using time travel to teach our kids. Its the best way to fight back against the liberal version of history, or as its sometimes known, history. Well, folking, i want in. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, i am introducing my own time traveling Childrens Book series, stephen c. Ross sews the flag of history. The the central character is a mail betsy ross who visits different times in American History with the help of tax cuts. And if stephen c. Ross looks familiar its because shes also the mask opt of my rockets red dairy two for 10 milk. It is guaranteed to be at least 2 are milk. cheers and applause together cheers and applause together, me and tax cut travel to historic moments to teach kids about americas greatness and sell our founderrers highquality discount factory second milk. In our newest adventure sex cut back to make love in order to be my own father, mother, and son. Inspired by true events. cheers and applause . Well be right back, and i know that because im a time px cheers and applause . Stephen welcome back everybody. My guest tonight is a researcher. You never want to hear him say, will you be my chum . Please welcome chris fisher. cheers and applause thanks for having me. Stephen mr. Fisher, dr. Fisher . Chris. Stephen chris. Stevein. Pleasure. Stephen good to see you. You are the founder of osearch a Scientific Organization that tracks shark with the aims of protect will them. Thats right. Stephen why would i want someone to protect a shark . Its kill or be killed. Law of the water jungle. Believe it or not if we dont love on our sharks, theyre the lions of the ocean. They keep everything in order. If we move them from the system, the whole system will collapse. Stephen we already have lions of the ocean. Theyre called sea lions. We dont want too many sea lion. Stephen why . Because theyll eat all the bait and fish and then well have nothing to carb with. If we lose our sharks we lose the ocean. Stephen how do we keep the sharks down. You have to admit. You if we dont keep the population of sharks down, there could be a shark nato. We need loss of sharks. Who is keeping them down right now . Right now were losing 2,000 a day to thing. Stephen wait air, day . 200,000 a day . How many people are being killed by sharks a day, 400,000 . Zero. Just a couple a year. Stephen so were win being. So thats the bright side. I think we have some folk of photos of, thats up here, throobs of theres what are we looking at here. You me a white that needs a new branding agent. Stephen lets look at some friendlier photos of the white shark. There gu. This is our emage of the white shark. What should my image of the white shark be, cute and cuddly. Just tell us are they lovers or fighters. Fighters. Ic its like a fighter you have to respect. Thats a shark killing a seal. Thats exactly what we need them to be doing. Stephen youre a conservist. What does dseals ever do do you . Did one beat you up in high school . I have had them come down and take over my sharks. You say theyre being killed for fins. Why do you want just soup, press siege, a 100 bowl of soup. As the flowe. Stephen what are you doing to protect them . We have to know where they life and give birth. Were capturing the massive sharks, use of letting Scientists Use the latest technology to solve the problem of your lives. We can look at the breathing side. We can look at the baby sharks in the nursery. Believe it or not you dont know where those places are . We dont know where sharks have their babies . Not of no, we do not. Who the the white shark. As soon as we find that police. Were putting a hose into the mouth of the shark. This is what is left on the boat to kill you. We brought it in and well review 12 Research Projects 15 minutes after time we have. Everybody can track them online opinion. Stephen where do they go . Cape cod shark out of the northeast and live in the southeast. Stephen im from the southeast. If a 4,000. Stephen were there great wheets out there. Theyve always been there swimming around for millions of years. Stephen for millions of years. How long have sharks been on earth. Stephen over 400 million years. Stephen but that you were here with the dinosaurs. Stephen they did, and they had a very good run. Hopefully that run will contin continue. Stephen do we know how old sharks get . They get to be about 7200, and they wont. Stephen thank you so much for joining me. Thank you for having me. Shark conservist chris fisher from ocearch. Well be right back. a