Jon thats our show. Here it is your moment of zen. Were you Drinking Alcohol yesterday . Oh, boy hes asking me if i was captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh [eagle caw] stephen tonight, a rift in the gop some deny global warming, others deny climate change. [laughter] then, hollywood takes on gun safety. And yet they ignore how many younglings are cut down by light sabers. [laughter] and my guest, roger hodge, is editor of the oxford american magazine, which has been called the new yorker of the south. The dogs in their cartoons dont go to psychiatrists, they go to shooting ranges. [laughter] ted nugent will attend the state of the union tonight. Or as deer call it, the greatest night of their lives. This is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [the colbert report theme music playing] [cheers and applause] come on [crowd chanting stephen] [cheers and applause] thank you very much. , ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for joining us. Welcome to the broadcast. [cheers and applause] thank you so much for your love and support. You know i cant do this show without you. This show is for you. This show is to look out for what is coming in your life. [cheers and applause] and, folks, tonight i got your back, folks. As you know, tonight tonight Barackhussein Obama gets to give his annual look at me, im the president speech. Lopadoopa doo lopadoopa doo [laughter] all this stuff . Its not even in the constitution. [laughter] obama shouldnt even be up there givinging the speech. 2012 was supposed to be the gops year with the economy in shambles, they thought the race was theirs to lose. And they were right. [laughter] and its not just the presidency. The republicans also lost seats in the senate. Lost the popular vote in the house. And briefly lost paul ryan in the mall. [laughter] he was supposed to hold on to his mothers hand [laughter] they found him busting a union at the buildabear workshop. [laughter] but folks, the rnc, the Republican National committee, is doing something about it. The rnc is doing a major autopsy on 2012. The rnc is coming up with some type of autopsy of the last election. Youve got to do a full autopsy. Stephen yes, a full autopsy. Which is also the republican alternative to obamacare. [laughter] to plot their path back to power, the gop recently held a threeday conference in williamsburg, virginia, which is the perfect location, because the republican platform also reenacts the 18th century. [laughter] they say they went there for a little selfreflection exactly what men inspired by ayn rand need more time thinking about themselves. [laughter] they also reached out to voters, with a websurvey asking how they can improve their messaging. And a computerized web survey is the perfect way to hear from republicans core constituency of the extremely old. Latch laugh the number one suggestion was, hello . Hello . How does this thing make toast . [laughter] [cheers and applause] and after that, the gop crunched the numbers and figured out what they need to change about their views toward women, immigration, and tax cuts for the rich. And the answer was i have it nothing. Its a blank sheet of paper. Theres nothing on here you see. According to rnc chair Reince Priebus fun fact, his name is an anagram for penis ricearoni [laughter] the gop doesnt need to change on the issues, they just need to be a party that smiles. [laughter] yes, they just need to smile. Present the same core message but in a more pleasant manner. Ill show you how it works with one of their misunderstood talking points from the last election. [laughter] if its a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. [laughter] [cheers and applause] so, republicans have got 2014 in the bag. Or they would, if not for political strategist and unlanced boil karl rove. [laughter] you see, instead of joining his fellow republicans in learning nothing from the last election, karl has turned on them. Karl rove launching an effort called the conservative victory project to keep lesselectable conservative republicans from winning primaries. Rove announced his new super pac aimed at crushing tea party republicans. Our job is to win races by stopping the practice of giving away some of the seats like we did in missouri and indiana this past year. Stephen karls bogus claim is that tea partiers cost republicans winnable races by backing polarizing candidates, like todd legitimate rape akin, and richard somehow even worse on rape mourdock. [laughter] meanwhile, the manatee with the planatee wants the party to get behind the kind of mainstream, electable republicans hes backed like nearwinner connie mack, strong runnerup linda mcmahon, soclosebutdidntgetit george allen, [laughter] gothisfinewhiteasshandedto him scott brown, and of course that guy. [laughter] whats his name . I just ah blake lively . Im not [laughter] roves already got the knives out for two Tea Party Senate hopefuls iowa congressman and alleged cornpacker, steve king, [laughter] and georgia congressman paul broun, who, despite being a medical doctor, said this gods word is true. Ive come to understand that. All that stuff i was taught about evolution, embryology, big bang theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of hell. [laughter] stephen and paul broun knows pits of hell because that is evidently where hes speaking from. [laughter] well, the tea party isnt going to take karls new stabyouintheback superpac lying down. Tea Party ActivistErick Erickson says, i dare say any candidate who gets this groups support should be targeted for destruction by the conservative movement. Thats right, karl. You cross the tea party and you could end up like the last candidate they targeted for destruction barack obama. [laughter] hmm. Think about it. [ laughter ] clearly clearly, the Republican Party is tearing itself in half. I guess nobody remembers this guy, ronald reagan, the white marco rubio. [laughter] he had a Little Something called the eleventh commandment. Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow republican. Thats all over now and i could mean only one thing. Civil war. The president of Citizens United declared the civil war has begun. Its fullon gop warfare. Its gop civil war. Stephen yes, gop civil war. Of course, the first thing theyll have to fight over is which side gets the confederate flag. [laughter] so, as a conservative, i guess i have to choose sides. Karl and i have had some good times, we buried that hooker. [laughter] but deep down, my heart is with the tea party. Well, maybe not my heart. What organ produces bile. Gall bladder, i guess. I dont know. I believe that republicans can not wuss out here. They need to charge ahead and take even more conservative positions. Forget embracing latinos, we need a program to shoot them into space. [laughter] lets give them a pathway to low orbit. Gays shouldnt be allowed to marry, or vote. I for one dont want sloppy seconds on their leveryanking. And i believe all women should have mandatory transvaginal ultrasounds before they can get a drivers license. [laughter] hey, nobodys happy with their picture anyway. Now are these extreme positions . Maybe. Can we really win the election by giving the voters more of what they didnt want last time . No. Unless we smile when we say it [laughter] [cheers and applause] well be right back. [cheers and applause] back, everybody. [cheers and applause] thanks, folks. Nation, as of 8 00 eastern standard time, it appears the manhunt for california fugitive chris dorner is coming to a close. His story is yet another in a long series of tragic gunrelated deaths. And so far, nothing has been done to curb our access to these deadly weapons. And hopefully, that nothing will continue. [laughter] but for those frustrated that not enough of nothing is being done, i have good news its a Bold New Initiative in arizona, where Sheriff Joe Arpaio is sending 3,000 volunteers to patrol schools in armed posses, and the training started this weekend. Inside this elementary school, teachers and students dont stand a chance against heavily armed gunmen. The kids cower under the tables, try to escape as teachers beg the bad guys for mercy. The volunteer posse members take the gunman down. Stephen wow. [laughter] arizonas got great schools. Those are 8th graders, but theyre being traumatized at a 12th grade level [laughter] now, filling our schools with guntoting guys who have nowhere to be during work hours might give some parents pause, but rest assured, mom and dad, these volunteer posses are getting top notch training. These volunteer officers are running through drills run by hollywood actor Steven Seagal. [laughter] [cheers and applause] stephen yes, Steven Seagal. [cheers and applause] because the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is an even worse actor. [laughter] we know hollywood violence is the real problem, therefore its also the solution. [laughter] its Like Fighting fire with fire. If your house is on fire, call an arsonist, hell know what to do. [laughter] but for some reason arizona democrat Chad Campbell called using seagal as an instructor ludicrous. Adding, why dont we also have Clint Eastwood and chuck norris and bruce willis come out and train them too while were at it . [cheers and applause] well, come on [cheers and applause] that is stupid. You cant have those guys. They still get work. [laughter] besides, none of these guys have lama seagals mastery of tactical ops. Ive put hundreds of thousands if not millions of hours into my weapons training. Stephen thats right, millions of hours [laughter] now a million hours is about 115 years, which sounds crazy, but so does asking steven segal to train your posse. So it works out. [laughter] the seagal posse is such a presuccess that arapaios already signed on additional star power 1970s the incredible hulk star lou ferrigno and actor peter lupus of the 1960s tv Series Mission impossible. [laughter] of course, lupus is 80 now. So Mission Impossible is opening the lunchroom milk. [laughter] but folks, many of arpaios posse members dont even need training. History has proven theyve got extensive experience with police. A sixmonth cbs5 investigation uncovered a number of posse members with arrests for assault, drug possession, domestic violence, sex crimes against children, disorderly conduct, impersonating an officer, and the list goes on. Stephen wow. Drug possession . Sex crimes . It takes real dedication to guard a school that you are not allowed within 500 feet of. [cheers and applause] now some people are going to get all worried about having arpaios violent sex offenders watch their kids. No problem. He can just assemble an armed posse to protect our children from his other armedvolunteer posse. [laughter] i bet we can even get Steven Seagal to train that posse, too, if someone just shows up with a camera and a sweet roll. [laughter] [cheers and applause] stephen welcome back, everybody. My guest tonight is the editor of the oxford american, a magazine that explores southern culture. I believe it comes in print, online, or deep fried. Please welcome roger hodge. [cheers and applause] thank you for coming on. [cheers and applause] thank you. Stephen have a seat. You are the editor of the oxford american. Here is the magazine right here. Its called the new yorker of south. Ive heard that. Stephen have you heard that. I said it earlier in the show so you might have heard it from me. [laughter] why do you think people call it the new yorker of the south. What is it that the new yorker is high florida lawsuitent. I dont know why. The new yorker comes every week and piles up. And according to some people no one reads it. [ laughter ] stephen how often do you put out this thing . Quarterly. So you have time to read it. Stephen you have to work really hard to let it pile up. [ laughter ] exactly. Exactly. Stephen why is it called oxford american . That sounds english to me. It does, but theres a place in mississippi called oxford, mississippi, and thats where it was founded. Stephen faulkner, right . Fawmer in country, right. Stephen are you going for a fawmer in vibe here . Does the magazine come with cliff notes because we can arrange that. Stephen too many names. There are a lot of names. The idea was to explore and celebrate and really get lost nm southern culture. Stephen im a southern boy. You are . Stephen im from charleston, south carolina. Which is north from where we sit [audience boos] stephen sir, all roads lead north from charleston. Where are you from . Del rio, texas. Stephen no mean to burst your bubble but texas is a great place, but if you are from the real south [cheers and applause] texas is texas. Ask someone from texas theyll tell you from texas. Theyll say im from texas not the south its true. Its true. Stephen it is true. I accept your apology. Texas is unique and most southerners would like to expel texas from the south. I understand why because texas is in some ways the most extremely southern. Stephen its too big of a weight. Its got too much of the own flavor that isnt the south flavor. For instance, beef barbecue ribs, abomb minimummation. A degree. It has to be the pig. Stephen slow smoked pig. Thank god. Gotta be the pig. Stephen were cool with each other. And even better it would be a louisiana pulled pork made into a patty and seared. Thats the ultra. Stephen it should be pulled pork and served with a mustard sauce like s. C. Like south carolina, right. Stephen well fight latter. Well stab each other. Okay. Stephen one of reasons i wanted to have you on the show is because you talk to people not from the south and they think everybody from the south is change change everybody is like [speaking quickly in southern twang] exactly. Thats it. Stephen theres smart folk. Beautiful, beautiful literature from the south that i have never read. [laughter] not just literature. Stephen what are people missing by thinking the south is a bunch of pig farmers. There are pig farmers but its also a place of great literature and music. This issue is dedicated to the music of louisiana which is some of the greatest in the union. Jazz was born in the south. The blues, had a baby, its name was rock n roll. It was born and raised in the south. Stephen what was it about the south that was so different that allowed for jazz and blues and rock n roll. There was some pa cuellar institution that made that possible. Yes. And out after this tragedy is slavery we have given we have received the gift great culture. Because the fusion of British Culture with the african culture with the spanish and the french it comes together in the american south. Stephen theres a cd that comes with this issue and you can put the headphones on, put this in front of your face and you can imagine you are in louisiana with the oxford american. You might, yeah especially if you put on mardi gras beads. Happy mardi gras, by the way. Stephen thank you, happy mardi gras. Show me your tits. [laughter] thank you so much. [cheers and applause] editor of the oxford american, roger hodge. Well be right back. [cheers and applause]