A selfprofessed Downton Abbey fan. She could not bear waiting until january 6th for the new season to begin so she asked the british filmmakers for a copy now. She got it. Stephen oh, yes, cup cup, fetch me the downtons. Now, meanwhile we commoners are left to fear what will become of downton as it lurches it into the roaring 20s, will lord grantham accept labbee cybils child with branson. Will they stay in prison forth murder of his exwife. Will they accept a Marriage Proposal from a young Corporal Hitler . laughter so many questions she knows the answers. But we dont. Until the season premier on january 6th. Well, tonight folks, i strike back at her highness. By presenting you, my nation, with something not even michelle has seen. Part of the show Vince Gilligan has agreed to let me show you scenes from the Upcoming Season of breaking bad. cheers and applause as performed by the men of Downton Abbey. laughter james . laughter thomas . Lord grantham is growing impatient. Its time to start. Right you are, allow me to bring the mobile lab. There we go, mr. Johnson. Thank you. Its a shame that in order to save Downton Abbey lord grantham has sunk to brewing the black came cheil crank. Stop being so high and mighty. The village tea twikers cant get enough of it, earl blue, they think it is the chiz el miz el. Carson, thomas, hurry up with that batch. I promised to buy the product and a gentleman keeps his word. Or one has a cap popped in ones as. Soon downton will be connecting it with mad bitches and benjamins. cheers and applause im. Yo, you got something in mind. Carson, is someone addressing me . Sorry. My lord, a mr. Spider to see you. Ah, yes, what can i do for you pie good man . Listen, english muffin, wheres my [bleep] tea. Thomas, applause ill take that [bleep] with some milk. Naturally. Once we have been reimbursed for our efforts. An why should i pay you, mary pop ins. I already got 9 receipts me. Who gave you the recipe . I must have gotten it from mr. Bates. I told you unreliable. But i never gave bates the recipe. No, wait. cheers and applause congratulations, my lord. Are you now the key kingpin of your chair. Yes, but its a mixed blessing. As byron once said, mo money, mo quandaries. Carson you dropped something. I can explain, my lord. You mother [bleep] laughter stephen all for you, nation, all for you. And tune in next time when Brian Cranston will reenact scenes from malcolm in the middle. That going to be crazy well be right back. Stephen welcome back, everybody. Thank you so much. Nation, you know as we say goodbye to 2012 im going to take a moment here to bid a fon fair well to someone we lost this year. Ham rove, ham was chief strategist and principal lunch metaphor Colbert Super pac. Then last month tragedy struck when he fell repeatedly on to a knife that i was holding. Before we could get him to a took tore he was eaten by a dog. I cant tell you how much ham meant to me. Well, technically coy but its a super pac so legally i dont have to. Just like i dont have to tell you where the 773,704. 83 of super pac money went. I just hope and pray theyre both in a better place now. Well that brings me to this letter that i received from a Group Calling itself the ham rove memorial fund, which i was surprised to learn i am on the board of. Now in the letter that i sent to me it says that the fund was founded to honor hams memory with charitable gifts. And recently the fund received an anonymous donation of 773,704. 83. Now where did that specific amount of cash come from . Well, it is a its it came from po box bite me. laughter now as a board member i wanted that money to go to unicef. Unfortunately the rest of the board found out that unicef is the name of my yacht. laughter keep collecting those pennies, kids. So instead tonight im proud and somewhat shocked to announce that the ham rove Memorial Foundation will be giving 125,000 each to donners choose Sandy Relief Fund team rubicon sandy outreach and habitat for humanity which is building houses for storm victims. The fund is also giving 125,000 to the Yellow Ribbon fund which helps injured Service Members and their family, the remainder of the money as per ham roves wishes will be split between the center for responsive politics and the Campaign Legal center. Now you might wonder why ham rove, the brains and other organ needs behind my super pac would donate to groups fighting for campaignfinance reform. Well, there are some strings attached. Ham stipulated that the two groups get the money only if they named the Conference Room at the centre for responsive politics the Colbert Super pac memorial Conference Room and in the Campaign Legal center they will now hold their meetings in the ham rove memorial Conference Room. cheers and applause and folks, just think. As the tidal wave of money continues to engulf politics and these advocates for transparency are moaning about how powerless they are to stop it, little ham here will be up on that wall watching the whole thing unfold with relish. And maybe a little dijon. But alas it is time to say goodbye to our hero. So dont be sad, nation. There will always be a little bit of ham rove in our hearts and also around our hearts. laughter well be right back. Is an welcome back, my guest san advocate for the poor. Please welcome Sister Simone campbell. cheers and applause hello, thank you so much for coming back. Good to see you. Thank you, good to see you. Now sister you were here once before. Thats right. During the campaign. You and your fellow or sistronuns got on a bus watch. Did you call this bus. Nunns on the bus. It was an obvious cois. Could have been nuns on a helicopter,. We couldnt afford that. Okay. We are a low budget operation. That is because are you advocating for the poor. Thats right. Stephen if you advocate for rich people you get a private jet. But we dont stand with jesus if that happens. Jon what are you talking about, jesus wants me to prosper. But jesus invite you to the major, to the side of the poor. Stephen hold it right there, nunsy, hold it right there okay. Stop stampeding me with your appeal to the jesus it is christmastime. It is. Stephen why do we have to talk about the poor. Keep it light it is a happy time of the year. Thats exactly what jess sus all about. Stephen what are you he didnt even have a home. Christmas is about presents and the wois men they bring gold, frankin sense and myrrh. The gold is jewelry and the frankincense say like a Gift Certificate to yank yee candle. And the rich people came to jesus and left their gifts in the stable. That is the whole idea. It is that weve got to share with idea. Thats what it is about. Stephen okay, okay so, this is your idea, sharing with each other. Well, its not mine. Stephen its lenins idea, carl maxs idea, i done mean john lenon, okay. Now you have been named the atlantic, one of the brave thinkers of 2012. Wasnt that surprising. That was great. Stephen it was kind of brave, because i will tell you why. Because you publicly disagreed with the pope over contraception and all male priesthood. I think what weve done is we tried to lift up in a plurallistic culture what jesuss story is about. And thats the challenge. Trying to figure out in a plul aristic culture how all of us coming to. You know where it ends up coming together. Its 9 constitution. Thats the piece that comes together. Stephen because jesus wrote the constitution. No. But. Stephen thats what i believe, thats what i believe. Really in is oh my gosh. But really its all about the fact that we are a very diverse society, until everybodys conscience needs to be respected. Stephen let me ask you somethingment how i do even know youre a nun . Okay. Because you dont have the thing on. I know, you about i have my metal on. It says. Stephen is that your nun badge. Its my nun badge. Stephen do you pull that out and say okay, im a nun. On the bus it, wod really well. Stephen is this a victory lap for you because you guys went gunning for paul ryan, because he said his budget was informed by his faith. And you harassed that poor man. No, we stood with our burb ops and said it failed the basic moral test. But you know what, that fight is not over. He continues to maintain its the way forward. And hes wrong. Stephen he already lost. What more, dow want to rub his nose in it . No, no, no cheers and applause but hes still fighting the budget battle. Right now in washington they are trying to say that the only way forward is to cut Program Force people in poverty. They would want to leave jesus even out of the manager that is unacceptable. Jon . Stephen jesus chose to poor. Hold on. Jesus chose to be poor. He is the god of all creation, true. Because. Stephen wait, wait, answer the question, senator, answer the question. Did he choose to be poor. Yes, because he in a relationship with people. Stephen is jesus an example for off us. I believe that poor people are choosing to be poor. No, its all about inviting to you touch the pain of the world as real. And then have an active experience of hope. As long as we stay sealed up in our cells we will never know. Stephen but if im sealed fup myself i can seal all my money in with me. But it doesnt last, thats jesuss word. It doesnt last. Jess sus all about come, be community, be connected. Be connected with each other. And thats why the shepherds came to the stable. The maji came, everyone comes and then we are community. But we have to let go of holding on to our stuff to hold hands with each other. Stephen will you hold hands with me . Sister simone campbell. Well be right back. Test. Stephen well, thats it for the report, everybody, and thats it for the year. We wrote a book, held a music festival, passed a thousand shows, rigged our Campaign Finance system. laughter stephen ran for president. Was named a senator. cheers and applause before we go i want to thank you all for watching. I want to thank everyone without reports the report and makes this show possible. Now its time to close out the career with the best way we can think of. With jeff tweedy, mavis staples, sean lennon and the harlem gospel choir. Merry christmas, everybody cheers and applause and so this is christmas and what have you done another years over and a new ones begun so this is christmas we hope you have fun near and the dear ones old and the young a merry Merry Christmas and a happy new year lets hope its a good one without any fear and so this is christmas for weak and for strong for rich and for poor ones the road is so long so happy christmas if you want it gathering red ones a very Merry Christmas and a happy new year lets hope its a good one without any fear and so this is christmas and what have we done another years over and a new ones just begun so this is christmas we hope you have fun the near and the dear ones the old and the young a very Merry Christmas and a happy new year lets hope its a good one without any fear war is over war is over now war is over if you want it war is over now cheers and applause say, uh, zeltzer, my family is with me here today, but all the tables are full. Do you mind if we join you for breakfast . Oh, not all all. I get family. You know, im here so much i hardly ever see my wife. Thats why i installed a webcamera at my house, so i can see her during the day. Right now im watching her do the dishes. Who in gods name are those two naked people . Thats, uh, mr. And mrs. Dish. Get out. Hi, papi. F. Y. I. , i fired the cashier and the person that made the scrambled eggs. Their accents were unintelligible. What are you talking about . Oh, its one of the benefits of you being the chief of medicine. I can fire people under your auspices. Also, i didnt have to pay for food. I got three steaks jordan, thats ri give me one of these. Why isnt he in preschool right now . Oh. cause he told me they have the day off for yom kipper. Yom kippur was six months ago. I hate school never been more proud of you. lowered voice heres the, uh, password to my webcam. I think youre gonna dig it. groans oh, babe, you got a little smoodge there. Uhoh. What is that . Strawberry jam . Nah. Just a little blood from shaving. Oh, sweetie. Oh, dont worry. I wasnt shaving myself. Say, jack, dont you think your mom should be just a little embarrassed that shes constantly being outwitted by a 4yearold . I hate school i remember. Can you please not be a jackass in front of the help . Im gonna get going. Okay. Were still on for tonight, right . Ill answer that with this. I dont know what that means. laughs youre so cute. Im actually baffled. Am i gonna see her tonight or not . Has either one of us given you a vibe that we give a crap . Because if so, thats an accident, and were sorry. Apology accepted. And you know, just because lady and i are clicking and you guys arent, it doesnt matter really. It just means were a better couple. No, im just tired of him saying im not a good parent. I am a great mom. Oh, really . Then wheres your son jack . Mm. Damn it jack