I think he was assertive, confident and hungry for the job. I found him to be more human and relatable tonig captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing cheers and applause audience chanting Stephen Stephen welcome to the report. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us in here out there. Im sure you can tell by that chanting this crowd has gotten c oshslbmentum. laughter ladies and gentlemen, last night was the third and final president ial debate. It threw muchneed attention to two key domestic issues, monday night football and the National League championship. laughter as you remember, folks, the first debate was a blowout win for romney. The second debate also happened. laughter so lets get the truth of night three in Stephen Colberts debate 2012 coverage. Two men, one wheel. Who gets to drive us over the cliff . laughter cheers and applause cheers and applause these people are huge fans of buick. laughter i was so excited because last night was officially the Foreign Policy debate. Unfortunately and i do not know this that means you have to talk about a lot of other stupid countries. laughter and this being boca raton, florida, they hit all the important ones. Israel is a true friend, it is our greatest ally in the region. Israel. Our closest friend in the region. They have to abide by their treaty with israel. Our ally israel. Our bond w israel. Israel. Israel. Israel. Israel. Israel. Israel. laughter stephen i was playing a drinking game last night where i took a shot of manischewitz every time cheers and applause every time someone said israel and by the end of the debate i was totally diabetic. laughter but, folks, this wasnt just about israel it was also about countries that pose a threat to israel. A threat that obama has done nothing to stop. Were four years closer to a nuclear iran. Were four years closer to a nuclear iran. Yes. Four years after obama was elected, four whole years have passed. laughter the president did nothing to stop the march of time laughter not only is iran four years closer to a nuclear bomb, if you think about it, everybody is. Even me cheers and applause admittedly, im still far away. The mentos and diet coke stage. But still. laughter and, folks, mitt laid out his prosecution of the president s weak leadership. Four years ago the president began what i called an apology tour of going to various nations in the middle east and criticizing america. I think they look at that and saw weakness. Nothing governor romney just said is true. Yes it is laughter you apologized. Not only that, you bowed to leaders all over the world that is not president ial f. D. R. Never bowed to foreign leaders. laughter he never even stood for them laughter but obama cheers and applause obama, obama will bow to anyone hell, after the debate he bowed to romneys grandson laughter and, folks, great points by romney but its not just what romney said its the way he didnt say it. The president had a very intent look on his face. I wouldnt describe it as a mean look, i would describe it as a man looking for opportunities to strike. Governor romney, it seemed to me, had this kind of benign default expression in which he appears to be interested most of the time, he has a slight smile on his face but not a smug one. I wonder if hi his was not the more attractive default expression. laughter stephen yes romneys face totally kicked obamas faces ass. laughter jimmy, put up romneys default expression. See . See . Thats nice. That reminds me of a benevolent angel watching me shower. laughter hi laughter that guy can watch me all day. And, of course, of course, of course mitt was smiling because he knows he nailed it. Governor romney did do what he needed to do which was to present himself as a very plausible commanderinchief. Mitt romney had a job tonight and that was to come across as a plausible commanderinchief. Romney simply needing to show that, you know, hes a plausible president. And he achieved plausible. laughter millions of americans looked at mitt romney last night and said he looks like he could sit in an oval room. laughter plausibility is a huge victory for romney because this race is neck and neck. Weve seen this latest poll out of the nbc and wall street journal. 47 47, pretty much corresponds with what were seeing out there. An absolute dead heat. Stephen as we know from history, the rules clearly dictate that in the event of a tie our next president will be george w. Bush. cheers and applause we miss you, sir. We miss you. But at this point, either candidate still has a shot as long as they can win over one key demographic. President obama and governor romney faced off. Many polls showing them running neck in neck, making the remaining undecided voters more important than ever. The undecided voters. The voters in the swing states who could decide this election. Mitt romney and barack obama yearn for their vote, the elusive mysterious undecided voter. laughter stephen yes, they yearn. cheers and applause yes. Elusive, mysterious undecided voters. I wonder what hes thinking. laughter or if. laughter folks, folks, heres how it stands. The electoral kitchen is closing in two weeks and they still cant decide if they want the blackandwhite cookie or the decaf wheat thin. laughter theyre elusive but we know that theyre out there these campaigns have spent billions of dollars trying to capture them with lawn signs, t. V. Ads, radio spots, internet banners, robocalls and, for some lucky ohio voters, an amorous David Axelrod with a rose in his teeth. laughter but a few and the liesing facts about these mysterious creatures have emerged. Undecided voter they say typically a single white female between 18 and 29 years old, she has a job with a low income, she did not graduate from college. According to this poll she skipped watching the debate. Stephen fascinating. The person who will decide this race is a likely voter who is a young woman with low income and low education who is also isolated from any news. laughter well, ladies and gentlemen, tonight i have found one such voter. From the swing state of north carolina, undecided voter nell. Thank you for joining me, nell. laughter and applause thank you so much. Now, nell, nell, you are a feral backwoods woman who knows nothing of either of these candidates or, for that matter, human society. laughter which way are you leaning now . Romanay. Mitt romanay stephen okay, so youre leaning romney at this point. What it is about romneys message that and, again, you know nothing about him that appeals to you. Obarma. Baracka obarma. Stephen im sorry, did you say obama . Are you ready to do for more years . Im likealay. Likealay. Stephen im aware of that. You are a likely voter. Weve established that much. But which candidate are you likealay to vote for . laughter santorum. Stephen Rick Santorum is not in the race any more just make up your mind come on is it romney or obama . Rombamaney rombamaney. Stephen well be right back. , ,u stephen welcome back, everybody, thanks so much. Thanks, folks nation, there is no bigger fan of the sport of cycling than yours truly. laughter i love every part of it the wheels, the kick stand, the little bell. Of course, my hero is seventime Tour De France winner and friend of the show Lance Armstrong. A pioneer in the sport he was, of course, the first man to ride his bike on the moon. laughter thats one small pair of shorts far man, one giant bulge for mankind. laughter of course, all that is ruined now because the u. S. Antidoping agency is accused armstrong of leading a massive doping Program Throughout his career. I dont understand why theyre coming down on lance for doping of course you need drugs to compete in a multiweek bicycle race you need drugs just to watch one laughter and now my friend lance has received the harshest punishment in the history of cycling. Cyclings International Governing Body stripped Lance Armstrong of his seven Tour De France titles and banned him for life from the sport. Stephen so what are they going to do to the titles now, give them to the runners up . Oh, im sure they werent doping. They finished second behind a guy who rocketed up mountain sides with powdered monkey nut injected into his heart. laughter yeah, these guys are clean, no doubt. Squeaky. laughter but, folks, losing his seven titles is not the worst news for lance. Experts estimate Lance Armstrong might lose up to 200 million now that his big sponsors have dropped out nike radio shack, trek. Stephen thats 199,999,997 from nike and trek and a pair of a. A. A. Batteries from radio shack. laughter now folks, this scandal has also affected lances Cancer Charity livestrong known for their yellow bracelets. So lance is doing the right thing. Lance armstrong is stepping down as chairman of his livestrong cancerfighting charity. He says he wants to step down as a result to limit the damage from the doping scandal involving him. He had no choice. Everything he touches now is tainted and he doesnt want to soil the good name of cancer. laughter so hes distancing himself laughter hes got to do it. So hes distancing himself from the organization by stepping down as chairman and merely remaining on the board as, you know, i was so inspired by lance arm strongs live strong that i started my own rubber bracelet charity wristrong to raise awareness of wrist wristrelated injuries. All too common. Its glorified by hollywood. Glorified. By the way right here, folks. By the way, you can still purchase wristrong brong bracelets at colbertnation. Com, all proceeds go to the Yellow Ribbon fund that supports the families of wounded troops at walter reed and the Fort Belvoir Community hospital. And, folks cheers and applause folks, it pains me to say this but, like lance, theres also a scandal surrounding me and my charity. In the same way that lance won seven consecutive Tour De France i have won my show for seven consecutive years. laughter unprecedented in the history of the colbert report. cheers and applause sadly, sadly these repeated victories have led to accusations that anybody showing this much sack for that long must be ball doping. And, folks, frankly, ive just grown weary of these charges. Are my balls big . Yes. When i fly do i need to buy two extra seats . Sure. But its all natural. So you may ask steven, why arent you fighting these charges . Because i dont want to drag america through my ball scandal laughter or scandalize america by dragging my balls through it its a real problem. Thats why i dont wear widelegged pants. Or ride escalators anymore. That is also why true. Dangerous. That is also why effective today i am stepping down as chairman of the wristrong foundation. boos i have to do this. I have to do this. We havent spoken but i trust my balls will also be stepping down. Or at least descending. There it is. And though i will no longer be chairman, i will be staying on the board which has no other members but me. So i am proud to announce that starting today i will be serving as interim chairman of the wristrong foundation. cheers and applause now, folks now, folks, cheers and applause im sure a lot of people out there are saying will this scandal follow me . Yes, the same way my balls follow me in a motorized side car i use on the weekends. Im tired. laughter as it is all the titles i have learned in the last seven years, the reverend sir dr. Stephen t. Mos def heavyweight champion of the world i will retain but they will now have to add an asterisk you know what, make that two. No, jimmy, make them bigger. There you go. cheers and applause well be right back. cheers and applause ,x c4x cheers and applause stephen welcome back my guest tonight is the author of such best sealing legal thrillers as the firm. I cant wait for this interview to be adapted into a movie. Please welcome john grisham. cheers and applause hey, good to see you, john thank you for coming back all right. Good to see you again. Its been about five years. How many books have you cranked out in those last five years. At least 12. Stephen 12 books . You and stephen king, do you have a contest going on or Something Like that . Who can do you ever call him up and go 4,500 words today beyoch. No, but hell call me up and say this is 48, you only have 30. But he got published earlier than i did. Stephen would you go back to being a lawyer . Never. Stephen why not . I was starving. Stephen you must have sucked as a lawyer laughter i had a lot of clients in prison. Stephen okay, this is one of the things i dont like about you, okay . Youve got a new book here called racketeer all right . Sure its a great book. Its brilliant. laughter stephen the dust cover is gripping so far. But in a lot of your books its like these things are trojan horses to get me to like these liberal causes like homelessness or the Death Penalty and a lot of times the bad guy is some corporate dude. Are you anticorporate america . Not completely. Stephen uhhuh. Some of them theres some good ones there are a lot of good corporations. Stephen whats wrong with homelessness . Are you attacking Homeless People . Stephen only when they ask for things from a the government. That is my money, i worked hard for the money and i dont see why it should go to some bum who cant get off his ass and write a bestselling novel. laughter and applause or host a Television Show cheers and applause now the book itself is about a bunch of judges that get killed, right . Just one. Stephen just one judge . Only two dead bodies which is kind of light for me. laughter stephen really . Off day . Yeah, yeah. Stephen killing a judge in a book, is that fan fiction for you . Sure. Stephen is that fantasy fiction . Every lawyer wants to do that i felt that way when i was a lawyer, there were a bunch i wanted to kill. laughter stephen people say write about what you what you know laughter john grisham, is there something youre trying to tell us . cheers and applause you dont have to tell me what it is but are there any things that youve done that are illegal that you would want a better lawyer than you defending you . laughter i cant think of anything ive done thats, like, really illegal. Maybe some speeding, going over 55 miles an hour, Something Like that. A little mini income tax cheating. Not admitting anything but maybe maybe. Stephen thats okay. Tell us about the nblg tax. A little bit. Stephen the i. R. S. Has a great sense of humor. laughter oh, theyve got a file on me, yeah. Stephen do you think so . Weve had issues over the years. Stephen have you ever done a foya request on yourself . A what . Stephen foya request . Oh, freedom of information . Stephen do i know more about the law than you do . Is that what that is . laughter foye ya. Have you ever thought about writing something other than lawyers . Have you written books about anything other than lawyers . Ive written a couple books about football, a book about baseball, a book about a couple comic novel bus i always come back to the law, thats whey what i know. I couldnt write about architects or dentists or anything you know. They wouldnt sell. People love stories about lawyers, especially crooked lawyers and dead judges. This stuff sells. laughter it sells. cheers and applause stephen youve got to go with what you know. John grisham, thank you so much for joining me. cheers and applause the book is the racketeer john gr