eastwood, donnie and marie os bond, the lady from northern exposure and i want to say joy behar's older sister. (laughter) that is who that is. but now mitt has picked up the biggest endorsement of all. >> there is a squirrel in south carolina who folks say can pick presidential winners. four years ago they set up two bowls of nuts. an obama bowl an mccain bowl. he preferred the obama nuts and this year he favors romney nuts. (laughter) >> stephen: there it. (cheers and applause) folks, get used to the term president romney. hmmmm, hmmmm. oh that leaves a real taste in your mouth. what is that? i think that's-- that's romney nuts. (laughter) hmmmm, hmmmm. (applause) folks, it is going to be great. because mitt has got big plans right out of the gate. >> i will repeal obamacare and stop it in its tracks on day one. starting on day one. i'm going to do what it takes to get america back to work. >> on day one i will label china a currency manipulater. >> i can guarantee you if i'm president on day one we're going to get at approval from that pipeline from canada. >> i will on day one put a halt to all the regulations that were put in during the obama years. >> stephen: wow! the drive and ambition. i mean those are the qualities of a real leader. or a serious tweaker. (laughter) either way, m itt is going to keep those promises, i know. because i have his day one schedule right here. let's see. okay, here we go. january 20th, 2013. 8 a.m. to noon, inauguration. 12:30, appoint cabinet. 1:00, take photo for white house i.d. card. 1:07, retake photo. 1:45, repeal obamacare. 2:30, examine remains of ross well aliens. 3:00, unwrap oval office label maker. 3:15 label china a currency manipulater. 4:00, 4:00, pick nuclear launch codes, maybe zip code plus ann's birthday, question mark? 6:00, take down biden's old eric estrada posters. 6:15, get everyone in america a job. 8:00, activate self-deportation. 9:00, immigration, solve. 10:00 w presidency completed, resign. and attend inauguration of president ryan. (laughter) (applause) and president ryan's day one, mostly shoulders but also some legs an backs. (applause) folks, these days, going to be exciting. going to be exciting. get used to it these days it seems like we make everything out of corn. from car tires, drywall, to knives and forks to, and i am not making this up, popcorn. we really are living in the future. where's my jet pack? now unfortunately, this year's crippling drought has driven corn prices through the roof. from 3.25 a bushel three years ago to 7:35 a bushel today. 7:35 a bushel. do you have any idea how much that is? because i don't. what's a bushel? i thought a bushel was a group of december. and now, folks, this shortage is forcing american cattle farmers to think outside the box they pack their cows in. jim? >> at mayfield united livestock commodities owner joseph watson is tweaking the recipe for success. his 1400 cattle are no longer feeding off corn. the price he said are too high to keep in stock. so earlier this year he began to buy secondhand candy. >> it has a higher ratio of fats and actually feeding straight corn. >> stephen: yes, this cattle farmer is now a jolly rancher. and folks, i say-- i say it is high time-- it is high time we started feeding our cows candy. i mean the mexicans have been stuffing their donkeys full of sweets for years. now nation, we have always been told we are what we eat. but now we can eat what eats what we eat. it's the circle of life. best of all-- (applause) best of all even though this farmer is giving his cows candy, he still technically is feeding them corn. because almost all of it is made from high fructose corn syrup which thanks to government subsidies is somehow cheaper than the corn it is made from. what delicious irony. delicious, because of that corn sirrup. but sadly, folks this drought affects more than just my fillet min nougat t is also threatening a national pressure-- treasure. jim? >> corn, it's as american as apple pie. and thanks to high fructose corn syrup t is apple pie. corn is so american, that there is a monument to it. the corn palace in mitchell, south dakota. palace director mark shelling. >> the corn palace attracts a half a million people per year. this is the biggest monument to corn that we have in the entire world. >> not only is the biggest, it's also the onliest. people drive from presumably elsewhere to see the murr alls made of 12 different colors of corn. >> since 1892 we have been redecorating the corn palace with a new theme each year. people really cannot believe that the murr alls are made out of corn until they experience it and see it for themselves. and they start saying, that is an ear of corn, wow, this is truly amazing. >> but a drought in the heartland has threatened this annual tradition. the world's only corn palace has brought in tourists to mitchell for a number of decades. the drought this year may take its toll on the corn used to make those murr alls. >> because of the drought, four of the colors that we would typically use in our murr all designs are not going to be available for us this year. >> we've seen the crushed farming communities. we've been warned about rising food and fuel prices. but no one prepared us for less vibrant corn murr alls. this is "the colbert report," special report. a schuking disaster. nice mayor at the mitchell corn palace. (cheers and applause) the corn palace was built in 1892. the community leaders were looking for a way to make mitchell unique. what's going to put mitchell on the map. so they said we want a palace made of corn. >> and it worked. as anyone would agree, mitchell south dakota is certainly on a map. today the corn palace stands as a proud reminder of just how amazing corn is. >> corn is amazing. if you get the pun there. >> what? >> the corn -- >> what is the pun? >> maze. >> yes. >> maze is the ancient word for corn. >> i'm sorry, i don't speak ancient, sorry. what is that? >> the corn-- corn that we have in america was considered maze by the native americans. >> right. >> so then we often use the theme it's a-mazing. our corn palace is amazing because it's decorated with the corn and the maze. and then we spell it with the maiz, rather than maze. >> i'm sorry, i'm not exactly following. >> it's a pun. >> anyway, corn is amazing. >> and this year's murr alls were designed by local avant-could be artist sherry ramsdale. >> corn art is a rather complex process. some of the artists i draw inspiration from are a couple of the master, obviously leonardo da vinci, michelangelo. >> her vision is then brought to life by professional corn hanger dan mcleod. >> i have been hanging corn on the corn palace for over ten years. >> and corn hanging isn't just an art, it's a science. >> when i'm going to try to explain is i think it's the science part of it. you've got to take, and it's a part of the art too. i mean it's all mixed together in one bunch. >> if you don't do it right it wouldn't look like much. yeah, the imprint would be there but it wouldn't stand out is what i'm trying to say, and come alive. >> but this year mark received the phone call that every corn palace director dreads. >> the four colors that we will not have this year are orange var gated, blue, call i coand light brown -- >> most devastating color that i lost was blue. because it dominated a lot of the sky, a lot of the area of the murr alls. >> after a century of tradition, mitchell was in a corn hole. >> i kind of had a pit in my stomach and thought now what. >> so what? >> well, they have the choice either to leave the old murr alls up for another year or for me to redesign the murr alls with the colors that they thought would be available. >> what can we do? we wanted to do something. >> without a colonel of hope mark made a game changing decision. >> we decided to move forward way corn murr alls but instead of using the normal 12 colors that we have, we will be using eight. >> a bold but necessary move. because this isn't just mitchell's corn palace, this is america's corn palace. >> it's hard to envision the united states without a corn palace. but if it were to go away i think we would lose one of america's great icons, landmarks. and every time you lose one of those american traditions, it just hurts more and more. >> the biggest thing that i hear from people when i talk to them is they'll go i never knew anything like this existed. you know, it's awesome. >> or in other words, irresistable. get it? >> yeah. >> it's like your pun. >> a-maize. >> but as in ear of corn. >> we've heard that before. >> you have. >> a lot of times. (cheers and applause) you know, if you are's just going throw away the old corn when they take it down at the end of the season, i know some diabetic cows that could really use the >> welcome back, everybody, thank you so much. my guest tonights are a rock band from las vegas. and in their honor we've removed all the windows and pumped this place full of oxygen. please welcome the kellers. -- killers. paopao. hey, nice to see you. nice to see you. all right, guys, thanks so much for coming on. brandon, ronnie, can i call you bronie. >> yeah. >> excellent, thank you so much for coming on. listen, you know, obviously no band gets on here if i am not a fan of theirs, okay. but more importantly than that, mitt romney is a fan of yours. he said you guys are on his ipod. i mean that is a cool past that you cannot buy. >> we feel like our muss sick for everybody. >> really? >> yeah. >> oh yeah. >> we don't want to keep it from anybody. >> of course not. of course not. like romney you're for 100% of americans. okay. you met him, right, you guys met him, right. >> yeah. >> now you are mormon, correct. >> yeah. >> okay, now do you, do all mormons meet each other. >> no, no. >> i don't know. i'm learning. we're all learning. >> there are about 14 million of us now so we haven't all met each other yet. >> 14348. you have this reputation of being kind of a-- kind of a clean band, you know what i mean, like kind of clean cut. do you ever trash a hotel room and then clean it up again because-- (laughter) >> my mom and my aunt worked in the hotels cleaning those rooms so i think that makes me stay on the cleaner side. >> you would be at trouble in home if you trashed it. >> always kiss the made too. >> -- always tip the made. >> oh, i don't tip anyone. >> okay. your lyrics, i have got a problem with one of them. can we talk about this for a second. somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend. what does that mean. >> that always made perfect sense to me. >> doesn't make any sense to me. what is it? is it the guy that looks like a girl s that what it is? >> no. it says somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend so did the girl have a -- >> maybe the girlfriend was more mass you lynn looking that he looked like. (laughter) [bleep] (cheers and applause) well listen, guys, this has been great. would you stick around to raucous. >> yes. >> stephen: thank you so much, come on. thank you so much, stay right there, brandon, ronnie, we'll be right back with a l#gqp ?í so anyway, i've been to a lot of places. you know, i've helped a lot of people save a lot of money. but today...( sfx: loud noise of large metal object hitting the ground) things have been a little strange. (sfx: sound of piano smashing) roadrunner: meep meep. meep meep? (sfx: loud thud sound) what a strange place. geico®. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. >> stephen: here to perform a song off their new album battle born, ladies and gentlemen, the killers. (cheers and applause) ♪ you were standing with your girlfriend ♪ ♪ in the street ♪ following back on forever ♪ ♪ i wonder what you came to be ♪ ♪ i was new in town ♪ the boy with eager eyes ♪ i never was a quitter ♪ oblivious to school girls eyes ♪ ♪ when i look back on those neon nights ♪ ♪ i feel the heat i see the light ♪ ♪ and this atomic bomb ♪ making out ♪ we got the radio on ♪ if you will miss me when i'm gone ♪ ♪ you're going to miss me when i'm gone ♪ ♪ raising shadows in the moonlight ♪ ♪ through the desert on a hot night ♪ ♪ and for a second there we'd won ♪ ♪ yeah, we were innocent and young ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ cast out of the night ♪ well you've got a foolish heart ♪ ♪ so you took your place ♪ but the fall from grace ♪ was the hardest part ♪ it feels just like a dpainger ♪ ♪ buried deep in your back ♪ you run for cover ♪ but you can't escape the second attack ♪ ♪ your soul was innocent ♪ she cased him and she painted it black ♪ ♪ you should have seen your little face ♪ ♪ making out we've got the radio on ♪ ♪ you're gonea miss me when i'm gonenote ♪ you're gonea miss me when i'm gone ♪ ♪ dancing with the monday light ♪ ♪ we're taking chances on a hot night ♪ ♪ and for a second there we'd won ♪ ♪ yeah we were innocent and young ♪ ♪ the dust cloud has settled ♪ ♪ and my eyes are clear ♪ but sometimes in dreams of impact ♪ ♪ i still hear ♪ miss atomic bomb ♪ i am standing here ♪ sweat on my skin ♪ and this love that i've cradled ♪ ♪ is wearing thin ♪ miss atomic bomb ♪ but i'm standing here ♪ and you're too late ♪ your shockwave whisper ♪ has sealed your fate ♪ it feels just like a dagger buried deep in your back ♪ ♪ you run for cover but you can't escape the second attack ♪ ♪ your soul was innocent shoet she kissed him and she painted it black ♪ ♪ you should have seen your little face ♪ ♪ burning for love ♪ holdin on for your life ♪ but you can't survive ♪ all i wanted was a little touch ♪ ♪ when you want it all ♪ a little tenderness and truth ♪ ♪ i didn't ask for too much ♪ ♪ there's another side ♪ talk about being at the wrong place at the wrong time ♪ ♪ (cheers and applause) the killers. ,x+ c4-x!í!í!írg,x-xh0d(#tkid -) . (cheers and applause) . . >> stephen - whoo! that is a mom butt right there-- long and low. - whoa. daddy likes mom butts. - have you guys ever looked at your checks before? - direct deposit, dude. - no. no, i haven't. - it's bizarro, man. it says i only get, like, half of my money here. - seriously? who's fica? why am i paying him $55? - "meeda-- meed-a-care"? i don't even know what that is. that's not even a real thing. - all right, guys. they're taxes. - ders, what are taxes? - yeah.