0 the quiet in the snow. that does it for me tonight. i'm brooke baldwin. thank you so much for watching. join me again next monday night on "in case you missed it." welcome to our viewers in the states around the world. exclusive adam lanza's aunt on the same day sandy hook was released. >> sandy hook school, i think there is somebody shooting in here at sandy hook school. >> what makes you think that? >> somebody has a gun and they are running down the hall way. they are still shooting. sandy hook school please. >> the first member of the family to speak out publicly and gives her reaction. a grieving father of a 6-year-old who tried to save his classmates. and pastor rick warren and his message to the parents of sandy hook. >> a lot of people try to say everything that happens is god's will. that's nonsense. god allows everything, but does not choose everything. >> we begin with our big story with the sandy hook 911 tapes days before the first anniversary of the tragedy. marcia lanza, thank you for joining me. i am aware you are the first member of the lanza family to speak since this appalling shooting. first of all, let me get your reaction to the tapes. have you heard them and what do you feel about the release today? >> i've heard a portion of the tapes. i don't think the timing is right for them to be released. i think emotions are very raw and too soon. i believe they need to wait. >> you are married to the brother of adam lanza's father. you didn't see adam lanza from when he was 3 years old, but stayed in touch with his mother, nancy. there many unanswered questions about what happened. as a member of the family, as a lanza, have you been able to work out in your mind what turned adam lanza into this mass killer? >> whoa. it's been very trying. as a family that has been shaken to the core, yes, we all have questions as well. we will never have answers as to why. was he a troubled child and did he get the help he needed? who knows. we look at the footsteps that were taken and yes, she did the best she could with what she had. money held him back from getting the help she needed. i don't know where she was with her parenting skills. i don't know. >> you spoke to nancy lanza in the week leading up to the shooting. how did she seem? did she mention anything problems? >> no, she did not. she said the boys were fine and she was looking into further education for adam into washington. they were waiting to hear back. no inclination that anything was wrong or not right. >> she lot of her as well that day. nothing can compare to the horror suffered by the other families. what do you as a member of the lanza family, what would you say to the families who lost their children that day? >> my heart goes out to each and every family who has lot of a child. personally i lot of two sons and i know what you feel and i know what you feel five years from now and ten year from now. it's getting to the point of moving on from day to day, one foot in front of the other and you will make it and become stronger because of it. you will never know why. you can't dwell on the bad times. you will get through and endure. if you can help someone else, that's part of the healing process. the ability to talk about it. if you won't talk, you won't heal. you can't stuff it. >> your husband, i believe has been in contact with adam lanza's father. does he have insight into how he happy coping? >> like any of us, it has been a real trial. my heart goes out to peter. i can only imagine what he was enduring. i would be devastated. his life changed forever. he will never be the same. whatever actions goes, he's a good man and he's a survivor. it's going to take time. >> let me take you back to that awful day. how did you hear the news and what was your reaction when you discovered it was one of your own family who perpetrated this terrible crime? >> i was at home. i had the on only for noise, i wasn't watching it. i caught a glimpse that there had been a school shooting and i thought oh, no, not another one. i went to the living room to hear and they said newtown, connecticut. the address i had said sandy hook and not newtown. when i heard the names, i thought all right, ryan lanza, i have a enoughnephew and the aget fit. i was not sure about newtown. then they said adam lanza and i called my husband and said you heard the news? i said go listen. call me back later and he did. has shaken the family to the core. >> it must be very difficult to just have your sur name in america, to be a lanza. it's an unusual name. do you get people instantly identifying you? how do people treat the family? >> for the most part people have been very kind to me. you don't realize how much use your name every day until you live a day where you use it and they look at you and you see the writing all over their face. some say something and some don't. >> many people would be critical ofenancea lanza as a mother and as a parent. she knew her son had a mental illness and didn't seem to deal with it properly. the house was laden with guns. over six guns were found and she took this boy who was deeply troubled to shooting ranges and so on. do you think she deserves the criticism? you knew her. what do you think? >> no, i don't believe she deserves the criticism she has gotten. why do i say that? until you walked in her shoes as a parent of a special needs child, you don't know what she endured and dealt with on a daily basis. you don't know the help she received. was it the right thing to do to take him to the shooting range? i really don't know. i say that for the reason being why does anybody do anything they do? she may have taken him there thinking she could connect with him, not realizing how bad things were. this is something that a light switch went off and he just lot of it? i don't know. i'm not a doctor. i'm only a parent. if you have a special needs child, i guess things should have been better stored or locked or whatever. >> you i believe had contact with nancy lanza on the very day of the atrocity via e-mail, is that right? >> yes. >> what did you say to each other? >> we were chatting about the boys and going to washington, moving into a possible school. >> she was really even then trying to deal with his problems. >> she didn't relay how bad things were or if they were that bad. >> what kind of woman was she? nancy lanza? >> nancy was a gentle spirit and very kind and compassionate person. very generous. i always liked nancy. she was a good mom. really in tune to her kids. very thoughtful and loving. >> you see the picture that you are painting is one that many of her friends had said before. the criticism comes particularly on that point of her being in tune with her kids. she seemed to be unaware of the building tension and drama that was clearly playing out in adam's head which was compelling him to do this terrible thing. why do you think she was not able to spot that? >> i guess my whole thoughts on the whole thing -- you can talk in front of a kid, but he will always remember how you made him feel. how did he feel at that very young age being not old enough to know what he was. he can't comprehend and the mom did the best she could with what he had. as the child moves up in the ranks of age and he's not getting the services he needs because nobody knows which way to go, what can you do? you do the best you have with what you have. >> for the families who lost love loved ones, it will be a difficult week coming up with the anniversary and the attention focused back on them. i'm about to interview one of the families, a man who lot of his only son that day. what would you say on behalf of the lanza family to people like neal and the others as they still try to come to terms with what happened? >> i want to say on behalf of the lanza family, we are so sorry, but please don't judge the rest of us because of one. what he did was wrong and evil and only his maker will judge him, not the rest of us. it's not our place. as far as the families go, don't lose your faith. that's what will keep you going. >> i know this has been difficult for you, marcia lanza. thank you for coming out and speaking publicly, the first member of the lanza family to do it. it's not an easy thing to do. it's a horrendous time for you and your family. not as much as the poor families who lot of their lives that day, but i do appreciate you speaking to me. >> you're welcome. >> when we come back, a father whose son died in sandy hook. he knows what it's like to deal with a tragedy. his message for the parents of