a few weeks. i found some websites where you could order painkillers online and have them delivered, and i just kept taking them. >> how did the drugs make you feel? >> they make you feel like everything's okay and you can manage everything, which leads to feeling like they're necessary to get through your daily life. >> how hard was it to hide that from everyone? >> it was absolutely necessary, in my mind. i was worried about the shame of it, having this weakness. it's not so much the church putting it on people, but it's people getting that idea that there's a certain standard that they've got to live up to. heaven forbid, if there's a problem in your life, you're not going to talk about it. >> you know, it's interesting because i didn't know the whole story until now. >> really? >> i never really talked about it. ♪ >> kathy kept her addiction a secret. and eventually, she added a few more drugs to her roster. methadone and tranquilizers.