-- i remember i was struggling, struggling to get away because the attacker was in a frenzy. >> so you thought about that last night? >> yeah, yeah. i saw that i was strong, not weak from that experience. >> has it been hard, your whole life, because you are actually a big, imposing-looking guy. >> that's -- >> to not feel strong? to feel weak? >> that's the thing. my self-identity was one of like a weak, broken young boy versus like a capable adult. i'd look at pictures of myself and i wouldn't see an adult there. i'd see just a weak person, a child. it's a very personal experience to go through this. it's really hard work, but it's also an opportunity to grow.