so someone had evidently made a threat. >> it wasn't like this happened you want somebody to blame because you're hurting. it helps to focus. and i totally, totally understand and don't -- i have no animosity towards any of them. it was heart-breaking. >> unfortunately, it's easier to blame the person who can take it than the person who's no longer there. had he been killed in this thing, too, i don't want to say that would cause a lot of of closure for anybody. i'm speaking of me. it would have stopped a lot of the anger because there's nobody to be angry to. >> my feeling has always been if jeff hadn't lived we would have taken him in any form. i think he would have either -- we would have just lost him mentally or he would have found a way to commit suicide i think is where he would have wound up. i just don't think he could have done it.