>> my life stopped that day, so that's what i remember of my life. i'm purely now i'm existing people stay you ear cope're coping. >> for 12 months the mother of two has been desperately searching for answers, unable to come to terms with the fact her husband is gone. >> you have be here to think that someone, your best friend, you maybe husband, and the father of my children went through any of that. i don't want that for him. and it's the not knowinga inging that really eholds you. >> reporter: she holds on to eternal hope. >> if i'm alone, i think if he comes back i look at our wedding pictures if he comes