not here. and that was the scariest thing about it is it was such clear thinking. >> i remember her telling me that, that she had wanted to take her own life and that really broke my heart. >> i was devastated. i knew that she was struggling. we were both struggling but i never thought that it would get to that stage and the fact that it got to that stage, i felt, angry and ashamed. >> reporter: in late 2019, harry says conversations were leaked between him and his father about meghan and harry taking reduced roles and leaving the uk. in early 2020 they issued their own statement laying out their plans which culminated in a family row at the queen's sandringham estate between harry, william, charles and the queen. >> it was terrifying to have my