Letterman is retiring. [laughter] hes just kidding, right . Charlie here was his final top 10. David top 10. Thank you. I think this is a pretty good list, considering it is our last list, and the category, top 10 things i have always wanted to say today. Listen to this, presenting tonights top 10 list, 10 frequent late show guests and good friends of ours. Once again, top 10 things. Let me thank them in advance, i appreciate their time, the talents, and generosity. Top 10 things ive always wanted to say today. Number 10, alec baldwin. Of all the talk shows, yours is most geographically convenient to my home. David thank you, alec. Number nine, barbara walters. Barbara dave, did you know that you wear the same cologne as my qaddafi . David i do know that. Number eight, steve martin. Steve your extensive Plastic Surgery was a necessity. And a mistake. [laughter] david number seven, Jerry Seinfeld. Jerry dave, i have no idea what i will do when you go off the air. I just thought of something. I will be fine. David thank you, jerry. I think jerry may have a benefit later. [laughter] number six, jim carrey. Jim honestly, dave, ive always found you to be a bit of an overactor. David number five, chris rock. Chris i am just glad your show is being given to another white guy. David i had nothing to do with that. Number four, julia louis dreyfus. Julia thanks for letting me take part in another hugely disappointing series finale. David i had nothing to do with that either. Number three, peyton manning. Peyton dave, you are to comedy what i am to comedy. David that doesnt make any sense. Peyton, oh my god. Number two, tina fey. Tina thanks for finally proving men can be funny. David i like that. Things ive always wanted to say to dave, number one, bill murray. Bill dave, i will never have the money i owe you. David oh, no. Steve, thank you very much. That is wonderful. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. That was so funny. Look who it is thats unbelievable. Thank you for everything. It is our friends here at the late show. Thank you everybody. Charlie and some classic letterman moments. How many do we have . About none. David you must have friends. No, i used to have friends. David what did you do . I accidentally pushed somebody down the stairs and they got a bloody nose. David you think there is a lesson to be learned here . Yes. David and what is that . Accidents happen. David do you have brothers and sisters. Sister. David what is her name . Rachel. David do you want to say hi to rachel . Go ahead and say hi to rachel. Here we go. Say high to rachel. Hi, rachel. I will accompany, you sing. Dashing through the snow jingle bells jingle bells youve got to be quiet you are not you are not you are not funny [laughter] david i will get you one of those. It is my lunch break and i have not had a chance to get anything to eat. Can you get me something to eat . No. David you order for me a baroda burrito supreme, ok . For you . David what would you like maam . [inaudible] david i will pay for it, but you have to order it. Burrito supreme with no meat. What else, maam . The real total is 26. 80. The burrito supreme is a little pricy. It is our most expensive item. [inaudible] let me see if i can repeat that. You ordered a couple of tacos or something and a burrito supreme with no meat, is that correct . Shes gone already, chief. Charlie a recognition of his respect for the audience. David i want to thank the folks at home. People come up to me all the time and say, i have been watching you since your morning show and i always say, have you thought about a complete psychological work out . The people who watch this show theres nothing i can do to ever repay you. Thank you for everything. You have given me everything. Thank you again. Charlie and then with a loving bow to his wife and son, dave was off. David i want to thank my own family, my wife, regina, and my son, harry. Thank you. Look at that kid. Seriously, just thank you for being my family. I love you both, and nothing else matters, does it . [applause] charlie we take a moment this evening for a snapshot of his genius from those who appeared on his show. He brought a brand of comedy and humor to our culture that only he did and only he could do. He felt like he was running his own situation. I would like a quarter powder, a half pounder and a half pounder. A three quarter powder. He was the guy who seem to be hearing a different beat. Something about it spoke to me. David i got a big johns moving truck in front of me and im calling to comment on his driving. That show was very smart and very stupid at the same time. David we are going through an intersection, thats all right. Because of him, the whole culture has its own top 10 list. Glaciers are receding faster than lettermans hairline. He can be wickedly funny, but also very warm and heartfelt. I was 57 when he was born. Thats what i am. I thought, people must think im the biggest fool alive, but i dont care, i have loved every second of it. It really was a crapshoot if you would click with him, or if he would filet you like the daily special. Are you being insulting . Suite would not be a word anyone would use to describe you. Sometimes he could be a jerk. In spite of that, everybody wanted to flirt with him. I dont think its possible to emulate him, but i think you see the guys you do now only because there is a david letterman. Everything we do, at least everything i do, is heavily influenced by him and what he did. Whatever he does, there is no one who does what he does. How are you . What the you have there . Pizza. David can you take the pepperoni off the pizza and leave it on the sidewalk . Fearless, original, always himself. The doctor will be in in a minute. That is the absolute secret to connecting with an audience. David can you tell us about your days with the unibomber . Whatever it is, you are bringing 100 of yourself. David goodbye. What you will miss is a sense of honesty to the humor. More and more you see the mural and the sistine chapel. Its too much. I am not going for the 16th chapel. He was always pretty honest. David canadian high school. I will miss his smile, his face, his goofy laugh, and the opening every night, hearing what he has to say about the world and what is going on in it. It is really part of my cultural compass. I got you a bag of cheap, inexpensive alarm clocks. Just throw them against the wall and smash them because you do not have to go to work anymore. There was no one like him and it is doubtful there will ever be anyone like him. Thats what im talking about. That is the great alec baldwin. Charlie and finally, two interviews i did with dave letterman, one in 1996 and the other at the time of his Kennedy Center honors. Congratulations. This is, as joe biden would say, a big deal. David it is a big deal. When i first found out about it, i thought something was wrong. I called people i knew who might be able to tell me how things like this happen, because i was very suspicious, feeling completely unworthy, and we tracked down the process by which a person is selected and considered, so it took me about two weeks to become satisfied that there was legitimacy to this. I still dont feel that way, but at least i know, to my great satisfaction, money did not change hands. My family is thrilled and delighted, and based on my familys enthusiasm, i can live with this. Charlie harry . David the idea of going to the white house will get his attention. The rest of the family could not be more thrilled. To me that is reason enough, and could not be happier and more grateful to the folks who made this mistake. Charlie it is a classy group to be associated with. Johnny carson, you were there for that. David i was there for that night. I was to follow ted koppel, and it was the first of many times i had to follow ted koppel, and that is not where you want to be. He is very, very funny. As i said that night, maybe a little too funny for a news man. Charlie for 30 plus years of doing something you love, that is a nice way to go. David it is. That is great, good luck. I know a lot of people are never really quite sure of what they want to do, what path they want to follow. Maybe they make themselves happy with whatever path they end up on, but there was no question in my mind from the time i was 17 what i wanted to do, and i have pretty much done it every day of my life, everything i ever wanted to do. I was in television in 1968. I have been doing this a long time, and it is still just fun. All it is is you showing off her you bring in a bunch of people who really dont want to be here. Charlie and hope they will be entertained. David we have been lucky with the people who have come to see us. Charlie there is a story that you did not particularly like college that much, and then you took a public speaking course, and you said, this is it. David it was in high school, my sophomore year in high school. My peer group was following an academic course of study. As they continued successfully on the academic course and i was taking more and more shop classes, i was being pulled away from my peer group. I started to panic because these are the guys that i liked and spent time with and emulated and they were going away while i was learning how to solder. Nothing wrong with that, but i could see that i was going to be in some trouble. And then i took this speech class in high school my sophomore year, and the first project the first day of school was we had to get up and given extemporaneous fiveminute talk about ourselves. I did that, and Everything Else changed. I said, this is really what i want to do. Now the trick will be to find out if you can make money with a five minute extemporaneous speeches. Charlie what was it about that that made you say wow . David i dont know. I do know. Nothing in my life ever went well. This went surprisingly well and could not have been easier. The combination of getting rewarded for something that is easy to do, there you go. You are writing your own paycheck, arent you . Charlie at some point you drive out to los angeles. You look around and you see the comedy store. Three years later youre sitting next to Johnny Carson. David that was cool. It was 1975. We are heading west. It was so easy because if you owned a Television Set and you watch the tonight show. Once a week, twice a week you would see comics. Before and after each comic johnny would say, you can see so at the comedy store. You would have to be stupid to overlook that connection. So i told everybody that i wanted to be a writer, but i did not really want to be a writer. I did not want to make too big a fool of myself. The first week we got out there, i went to the comedy store. Charlie how was that first performance . David really scary, but the woman, mitzi shore, to whom i o owe a great debt, was kind enough to ask me if i wanted to come back. Then she had me emceeing, which was perfect. I could introduce the other act and make fun of drunks in the audience. Charlie but you got to hang out with people who were doing what you wanted to do. David every night you would get to try out your material. The best part was seeing people that became your friends, and watching them work. It was my good friend george miller, tom drees and, and then Robin Williams and jay leno, johnny dark and on and on and on, men and women who maybe you have heard of and some you havent, but they were all really funny. Funnier than i ever was. To go to work knowing you were going to spend the night laughing and the camaraderie was always entertaining too. Charlie carson meant what to you . David for a person in that situation, everything. It was not like it is now. The door to being a standup comedy or Television Success was the tonight show. He meant everything to me, he meant everything to everybody else out there doing standup. It was a time when you could be on that show, do well on the tonight show. The next day you would get calls about having your own show auditioning for William Morris wanted you, and they are going to put you on a show, and theres a movie and this. In those days people would go out on tour for 6, 8 months, and they would have an opening act. It was really the employment placement office. More often than not, if johnny liked you, you are going to trend upward. Charlie the most powerful influence on your life, you think . First for that reason, and second he was the gold standard. David i used to think as a kid watching him in the midwest and indianapolis, and my dad would be there in his underwear and i would be there in my pajamas, we would be watching Johnny Carson, and johnny was like, i love my dad, but johnny is hipper than my dad. Johnny kind of became a guy. Charlie when is the last time you saw him alive . David years ago, he and his wife were in town on their boat. They invited me and my wife to have dinner with them, and we sailed up and down the hudson. We went under the George Washington bridge, turned around and came back, looked right at the statue of liberty and up the east river. It was all at sunset, it was magical. Charlie he walked away from it. Could you walk away from it . David i think so. I know johnny missed it. Six months after he retired, somebody had a big party for him in new york and he had won some sort of award. People got up and did material and i had to get up and do material, ted koppel was there and then johnny got up, and johnny who had not been on television for six months or a year, bang, bang, bang, bang right down, like he had not missed a beat, the stuff out of the newspaper. At some point during that he says, i am so glad this is going well. He said, i sure do miss it. I know he missed it. I know i would miss it, but i would find other things to do. Charlie other dramatic events in your life, you go to the hospital and they tell you you are going to be in the operating room. Does it change your attitude . David it did change my attitude about work. From the minute they pulled the intubator out, i thought, i wonder if i can still work again. In a movie, it would be where the prize fighter who gets knocked down, it would be the montage where he then tries to get back in shape to get into the shot at the title. I was worried i would not be able to work again. It kind of really the fuse of, let me see if i can do this. That is why you leave indianapolis in a pickup truck because you want to see if you can do it. Now i want to see if i can still do this. Charlie and you did, but there are stories that you became mellow . More charming . [laughter] that you were not quite as you had been. A guy whose entire life was this show, because it had defined what you love doing, you want to do it better, and you did not know what there would be if it was not there. David irrespective of what i just said, one of the things of regret i have, i dont know if it could have been any other way, but a regret i have was not being so singleminded about the show. In my case, the two great motivators in my life i hate it when people Start Talking about two great motivators in my life one is the guilt. I am really haunted by guilt. Actual guilt, made up guilt. The other would be a fear of failure. If i dont succeed, me loading the pickup truck in indianapolis in 1975 looks pretty silly. It came at a price, the heart surgery being one of them. I wish i had not been so singleminded. When your focus is that tight, you miss a lot of what is going on around you. Charlie cbs came to you and Howard Stringer after they decided to go with jay for the tonight show. Can you look at that now and say that was for the best . David yes. When i look at that now, it also reminds me of some of the worst behavior of my life, my own behavior. I wish things were like they are now. I wish they were like now then. There was a lot of pressure, selfimposed pressure. They came in and remodeled this place, which i had grown to love dearly. Huge amounts of money. We had to fly around the country, talk to skeptical affiliates, and i did not handle it well. And i wish i were able to handle it the way i handle things now. Charlie it was insecurity anger . David fear of failure everything. Charlie all of that is gone now . David it is in a manageable dose. I think this is the way humans really ought to be. I still lose my temper. You are this close, charlie, you know what i mean . [laughter] charlie that will make this one of the more interesting interviews ive ever done right there. What is it that you think that you brought . You created this show, which followed a previous show, where in the eyes of many you redefined comedy. It could not be what john was doing. It had to be Something Else. You did not want to have his guest on your show. David we were told you cannot do this, you cannot have the same guest, you cannot have an orchestra. I had very little to do with that. It was the people on the staff they were resourceful enough and figured out ways they said good, that is not the show we want to do anyway. I always felt like i was lucky enough to do someone elses show and i did it. We started out, the producer and head writer, we did her show and after that we did the Steve Odonnell show, another head writer, and rob burnett was our head writer for a long time. I like the fact that these people were all smarter and funnier than i was, because charlie is it selfdeprecation, or do you believe that . David yeah, and its a great relief. You then learn from them while they are doing it, and you can complement what they are doing or personalize it to make yourself fit in. Charlie this whole notion of kennedy honors is recognizing something about your contribution. What Johnny Carson meant to you, you mean to jimmy kimmel and others. Do you have any sense of that . David jimmy kimmel has been very nice to me. Hes a nice kid, and been very gracious to me. To the point where it has made me selfconscious. I start thinking about what this is, and the comparison that he had made that you are to me what carson was to you. The difference is all i really have is tenure. Carson was head and shoulders beyond anybody doing it now, anybody who will ever do it. You may see flashes of what he could do. If you look at his show, it was always effortless. Even shows that were awful, you just wanted to see what johnny was doing. I dont have that. All i have is time. I put in my time. Charlie it is more than that one, david. It is self evident that after you, people looked at these shows differently. And therefore fallon and kimmel more than tenure, there was something about the eccentricity of what it was. David i think it was the vision of the people around me more than me. We all knew that the charge was to be a different show. And in the beginning, i thought i had all the answers for television. Charlie watch out, world. Im coming. David if you can wait just a little bit longer, we will take care of television. Charlie we have the secret. David you realize you dont know the answer. I dont know if i can rightly i was in the room, i will give you that. Charlie you cannot understand unless you sit in that chair how you feel the necessity of getting a laugh every minute. David i remember when we said that. I dont feel that way anymore. I always felt like the show i was the Central Nervous system of the show. My name is in the title of the show. I dont feel that need now. I feel like the presence of the guest can handle that just fine. Somebody else can get a laugh, or we can go without a laugh. I would prefer a laugh comes from someplace, but i dont feel that ultimately that weight is on my shoulders. Charlie is what makes you laugh different today . David thats a good question. No. I think what makes me laugh is the same thing that has always made me laugh, something really silly. Still within the range of plausibility. Something that yeah, maybe could happen, we dont think so, but maybe it could happen. It is so very silly. And that is all that it takes. Charlie these smart people come in here and they push back. David thats right. Charlie it is also the fact if they come prepared. I flew back across the country with tom hanks one day and he was going to be on the show. He was thinking about appearing with you for five minutes. He wanted it to be perfect. David he is a tremendous guy, and for him to take my show that seriously, thats high praise. Charlie there is a sense that for a while you were a loner. David a drifter. A man wanted in several states. Charlie a man who would get in his porsche and drive up here. David a psychopath. Charlie a man who had an obsession with owning lots of land in montana. David collecting jars of his own urine. [laughter] charlie thank you. David honestly, im so grateful. In the beginning when we came here, i was really difficult for the network. I regret that behavior, and over the years, people like yourself and the management have been nothing but kind to me. I appreciate that. Charlie because we love you. Charlie let me go back to leaving indianapolis and going to l. A. Were you set on being a talk show host or were you just going out there to get into television and do comedy . David when i left indianapolis i worked at a television station. I started working in tv in 1969 when i was 19 or 20. I had worked at the station for five years, worked at a radio station, and i knew Something Else was going on. I had the sense that there is Something Else out there. I did not think i would be satisfied or fulfilled doing it a 4h halfhour kids show once a week. I told my family i was going out to be a writer. The idea of me being in show business would have horrified and sickened everyone. The fact of me in show business horrifies and sickens millions. Charlie but then you brought your mother into show business. David oh, lord. I said, im going to go out there to be a writer. Im a goofy looking guy. I knew in the back of my mind what i would try is to get into comedy, do standup comedy. In those days you knew how to do that, and i was go right to the comedy store and start doing it. Before that i would not have known how to get into comedy. Charlie did it come naturally to you . David more or less. You have an affinity for something, but there are many things to learn. I remember the first night i was on stage at the comedy store and my first reaction was this bright white light, and i thought it was one of those neardeath tales. Im coming home, uncle eddie. I can just remember there being something visceral, you can smell the people out there because they are loaded up on watereddown drinks. All of a sudden it was an out of body experience because i could not see myself standing there, saying words i had memorized to the silence but still smelling the people. It was an exhilarating experience but also a complete failure. Charlie and then when you got the laughs. David that night i got no laughs, but i was happy that i have done it. Like anything else, you make a little progress here and slip back a little and continue to make progress. And you pretty soon i was not cut out to be a standup comedian, the kind of guy that will take 250 gigs a year, goes to las vegas and he goes to jupiter and neptune and buffalo. There are guys like that, and god bless them. They have an iron constitution. Charlie Jerry Seinfeld was that. David absolutely. There are fewer younger guys doing that now. At one time it was more the domain of an earlier generation. I knew i did not have that. I thought, i will use this to get into television. Charlie and then you did johnny. David the Johnny Carson show, a couple of times. It went pretty well, but it was no real surprise because i had four or five years, and i had 20 minutes of material. I had it divided into four tonight show shots. And youve memorized it. Everything. I knew the first one would go pretty well, and it did go pretty well. To me that was, and is the biggest thrill ive had since ive been doing television. Charlie what did he say to you when you sat down . David i have no idea. I can remember at the time i was sitting there. I left indianapolis in 1975. In 1978, im sitting next to Johnny Carson. It wasnt rich little. Johnny was there that night. It was not hugh downs filling in for johnny, it was johnny. Forgive me if it is clumsily articulated, but my reaction was, all your life you see a five dollar bill. And then suddenly you see lincoln. Oh, my god, its honest abe. That was the reaction. I was just completely wired for days and days after that. That was for me the single most important, but also the single most thrilling experience of my life. Charlie how long was it before they asked you to come in and guest host . David november of 1978. In march or april of 1979, i did my first guest host there. Charlie when you made the decision to go to cbs, what went through your mind in terms of what you would have to do at 11 30 that would be different than what you were doing at 12 30 . David people view 11 30 and 12 30 as polarized spots on the clock. They are not. It is not that different. It is the same deal. We imposed on ourselves a strict scrutiny and we decided, its got to look like more money. Make new york city look like a postcard. Make everybody salivate when they see new york city. Many of the citizens here, thats all they do is salivate. Make people want to get on the first bus and come to new york. That was the first thing we discussed. The rest of it was minor, like we added some guys to the band we looked at the wardrobe. Beyond that, it was not that much different. Charlie what makes a good show . David my personal criteria as we were discussing earlier, we have an audience of 500 people. They write in for tickets three months, six months a year in advance. They get plane tickets babysitters, rental cars, they go to hotels, they have to park their car, walk, wait in line. If at the end of the evening i get the sense that these people are disappointed, i realize i failed. Any single element or combination of elements by design or accident that pleases these people and makes satisfied with the difficulty they have had to endure to get there, i feel like that is it, stop the clock, no more calls, this show will be fine. That sense of enjoyment that breaks through the glass. Charlie do you think you are the best judge of that . You are convinced you know its a good show . David yes. I do know because im sitting right there. I feel it. Charlie how many times a week do you have a good show . 3 out of 5 . David three out of five would be great. Sometimes we get there. Sometimes we get five out of five. Some nights you get a good show one out of five and you think, ok. Charlie how different is the show you are doing and the show that carson did for all those years . David we are doing circus time. We get people swinging on things, setting fire to stuff, we get folks running around naked. Johnny would come out and do his monologue and then maybe he would do aunt blabby, and say silly things to florence henderson. I dont mean to suggest he was loafing. He was doing a lot of work. But it was not this barrage of stuff where ok, lets see what party boy is doing tonight. Scare somebody. Charlie you think youve got to do that because that is where the audience is in 1996, or do you think it is simply a reflection of your sense of humor . David i wish i could say it was a reflection of my sense of humor and comedy. Mostly at the core i think it is. I dont know whether we had do that to attract and keep an audience. Charlie why do you do it . David because of the competitive nature of the current marketplace of television, which now seems infinite. You feel that is required. The lord knows, i dont know if it is required, but that is the feeling. Charlie the feeling of you, or of your staff . David everybody. We have contributed to this, sadly. Weve bit on our own bait. When we first came on the air, every night we had hot air balloons going up in the audience, people jumping out of blimps, it was just nuts. But we thought, this is our one chance, weve got to load it up and go here. The tonight show from that experience, they decided, look at what these guys are doing. Charlie it reminds me of what happened to daytime television. Donahue started doing it, and then everybody took it a little further until it collapsed. David i wish i could tell you that was confident that was the right way to do it, and i dont know. Every friday night i get a chance to watch tom snyder. When i see tom and i see shows like this and some other shows im reminded that may be what you really need here, maybe all you really need is legitimate communication between two people chatting and people watching. Charlie but you dont trust that . David no. I have read too many things about our show. Its dull, it is old, its tired. You think, well, thats me. Im dull. Im old. Im tired. Tonight at 11 30. Charlie you have 15 writers . David i guess. I dont know. At the Christmas Party a lot of them come up and introduce themselves. Charlie what is it they do . Do they write the skits, the monologue, what . David yes. I do very little, and it is just as well. This show is your life. There is nothing you would rather do. You are driven obsessed to make it as good as you think it can be. David thats right. My influence on this production is the ultimate yes or no. When you have really good people, you will get more yess than nos. That is my only contribution to this, hopefully saying yes more often than i say no. Charlie what do you enjoy the most about it . David for me if something goes crazy, one of two things can happen. If something breaks down something occurs, it can go one of two ways. When something happens something tiny, something from the audience, something, just a speck on somebodys codes and at and when that turns into something huge and it will, that tiny thing dominates the rest of the show. For me that is the best. That is like cold fusion. That kind of thing. What is the guys name . Charlie i dont know. David Alexander Graham bell. Charlie what time do you come into the office . David i get up at dawn every day. Charlie you get up at dawn . David i run to bridgeport. That is a 60 mile roundtrip run. I come back, i have the breakfast. I have the jams, the jellies. Then i shower off and drive to work. From 10 00 on it is a fistfight. Charlie what do you do all day . David yes and no. Charlie someone said to me that just for the top 10 list, you have 15 writers, and each of them make up a top 10 list when you decide what the subject is going to be, and in you select the top 10. Yes . David yes. Charlie the top 10 ought really every night. David well, it certainly is not. Sometimes can i give you 1000 if i can light this cigar . [laughter] sometimes unfortunately, like television, you are always late. By the time i get to work im an hour late, and that is the way it goes. Every day is the best compromise we can make. Sometimes chips fall your way, sometimes they dont. The plane is taking off at 5 30 one way or another. Charlie they say you are enormously selfcritical. David ultimately i accept the responsibility for everything that goes wrong. It is like a guy driving a race car. They build a car, they put the engine in it, they finetune it, adjust the fuel flow, and then i go out there and put it in the wall. Every day i am given the elements of a great car. Some days, because im human, i just stack it up. Knowing the staff of 50 or 60 people have done their best every day, then they put me in the car, oh my goodness, he tapped the wall and turned four. I should be responsible. My name is in the credits. I get the big paycheck. Charlie there it is, a Remarkable Television journey into the hearts of American Television viewers ends after 33 years. David letterman will be remembered and missed, and probably have a great life