Transcripts For BBCNEWS Why 20240705

And said. Him and tapped him on his shoulder and said. I him and tapped him on his shoulder and said, i think i am the shooters father~ and said, i think i am the shooters father~ he and said, i think i am the shooters father. He took me underneath the tape father. He took me underneath the tape. Detectives said, we will go over here tape. Detectives said, we will go over here and ask some questions. I still over here and ask some questions. I stilt doht over here and ask some questions. I still dont know how many people are kitted. Still dont know how many people are kitted. How still dont know how many people are killed, how many people are injured, i killed, how many people are injured, i dont killed, how many people are injured, i dont know killed, how many people are injured, i dont know if andy is Dead Or Alive i dont know if andy is Dead Or Alive im i dont know if andy is Dead Or Alive. Im asking about andy, do not getting alive. Im asking about andy, do not getting any alive. Im asking about andy, do not getting any responses. They go, lets take getting any responses. They go, lets take a break for a little white lets take a break for a little white so lets take a break for a little while. So i get in the car, and i et while. So i get in the car, and i get up while. So i get in the car, and i get upto while. So i get in the car, and i get up to the second stop light, and i get up to the second stop light, and i had get up to the second stop light, and i had the get up to the second stop light, and i had the radio on, and it comes across i had the radio on, and it comes across that i had the radio on, and it comes across that two kids were killed and 13 others across that two kids were killed and 13 others were wounded, and ijust broke 13 others were wounded, and ijust broke down. I wailed in pain. My heart broke down. I wailed in pain. My heart was broke down. I wailed in pain. My heart was aching. It was a day ofjust waiting and waiting i not understanding what was happening, not knowing if dylan was alive or dead, not knowing if he had really hurt other people or if this was all kind of twisted mistake. All day long ijust kept asking the police over and over again, wheres my son, is my son dead . Late in the afternoon, one of them sent to me, yes he is. We got to ourFamily Members house that night, and they had the television on. The news media was beginning to talk about how many people were killed, how many were injured. There was still confusion. Ijust remember groaning, confusion. I just remember groaning, i confusion. Ijust remember groaning, i was literally groaning. And my Family Member said to her husband, turnit Family Member said to her husband, turn it off. I Family Member said to her husband, turn it off. Ull turn it off. I saw the detective ull in, turn it off. I saw the Detective Pull in. And turn it off. I saw the Detective Pull in, and he turn it off. I saw the Detective Pull in, and he was turn it off. I saw the Detective Pull in, and he was going turn it off. I saw the Detective Pull in, and he was going to l turn it off. I saw the detective i pull in, and he was going to take turn it off. I saw the Detective Pull in, and he was going to take me down pull in, and he was going to take me down to pull in, and he was going to take me down to the pull in, and he was going to take me down to the San Diego County sheriffs down to the San Diego County Sheriffs Department. They said, you may want Sheriffs Department. They said, you may want to duck your head. There were may want to duck your head. There were cameras that they were putting iiliit were cameras that they were putting right up were cameras that they were putting right up to were cameras that they were putting right up to the window of the police car and right up to the window of the police car and saying, right up to the window of the police carand saying, are right up to the window of the police car and saying, are you the father, are you car and saying, are you the father, are you the car and saying, are you the father, are you the father of the shooter . There are you the father of the shooter . There was are you the father of the shooter . There was no way we can avoid them. There was no way we can avoid them. The officer there was no way we can avoid them. The officer asked me some questions about the officer asked me some questions about my the officer asked me some questions about my guns and ammunition, and i had my about my guns and ammunition, and i had my pistit about my guns and ammunition, and i had my pistil that i used. They were only used had my pistil that i used. They were only used for hunting or Target Shooting only used for hunting or Target Shooting. The whole time we were there. Shooting. The whole time we were there. We shooting. The whole time we were there, we never took out our guns, we never there, we never took out our guns, we never took out or did any shootihg~ we never took out or did any shooting. Being a single parent, there shooting. Being a single parent, there were times that andy was home alone, there were times that andy was home atone, ahd there were times that andy was home alone, and at the daytime he might be home alone, and at the daytime he might be home alone sometimes and there was a be home alone sometimes and there was a rash be home alone sometimes and there was a rash of robberies, so he did know was a rash of robberies, so he did know where was a rash of robberies, so he did know where the gun for the cabinet was. Know where the gun for the cabinet was the know where the gun for the cabinet was. The whole point was to go, teave was. The whole point was to go, leave me was. The whole point was to go, leave me alone, take the guns, get out of leave me alone, take the guns, get out of here leave me alone, take the guns, get out of here. So he still knew where i out of here. So he still knew where i kept out of here. So he still knew where i kept the out of here. So he still knew where i kept the key. They continued to ask about, i kept the key. They continued to ask about, you know, guns and ammunition, and i said, i dont know where ammunition, and i said, i dont know where he ammunition, and i said, i dont know where he got ammunition, and i said, i dont know where he got the ammunition. I didnt where he got the ammunition. I didnt have where he got the ammunition. I didnt have any in there, i thought we had didnt have any in there, i thought we had shut didnt have any in there, i thought we had shut it all when we went out in the we had shut it all when we went out in the desert. For we had shut it all when we went out in the desert in the desert. For months i was in denial. In the desert. For months i was in denial they in the desert. For months i was in denial. They said in the desert. For months i was in denial. They said that in the desert. For months i was in denial. They said that the in the desert. For months i was in denial. They said that the boys i in the desert. For months i was in | denial. They said that the boys did all these terrible things, that they not only killed and hurt people, but they will say awful racist things and sadistic things, and ijust shut that out of my mind, i said dylan would not say anything like that. They had got so much information wrong about dylan and our family that i began to settle into the Belief System that they were wrong about what dylan did. It took six months for the police to make a report of what had happened. They allowed us to go in privately and meet with the sheriffs representatives there, and they gave a presentation on what happened. And for the first time, i got it. I saw that it was planned. I saw video tapes that they had made. I saw dylan in a way that i had never seen him before. They were talking about what they were going to do. It showed him with weapons. It was horrifying to see him in that mode. I had been grieving so much for this lost, precious child, and remembering who he was, and that was the point that i realised who he was to everyone else in the world. Everything died in my world. God died. I believe in truth, my belief in what ourfamily died. I believe in truth, my belief in what our family was, my belief in who dylan was, everything was torn apart. The person that i thought i was no longer existed. I thought i was no longer existed. I thought i was a good mum, i thought i had raise responsible kids who were kind and loving and charitable, and everything was gone, everything. My belief in everything was gone. My son, dylan, who was 17 years old, and his friend eric who was 18 went to Columbine High School with the intention of killing everyone in the school and destroying the school. And if there is any gratitude i feel in this whole process, it is that they failed to do that. But what they failed to do that. But what they did do was it killed 12 students and a teacher before taking their own lives, and they injured more than 20 other people, some very serious injuries, Brain Injuries and spinal cord injuries, disfigurement. When andy was about four years old, his mum when andy was about four years old, his mum took an Unaccompanied Tour with the his mum took an Unaccompanied Tour with the un his mum took an Unaccompanied Tour with the Un Peacekeeping forces, and when she with the Un Peacekeeping forces, and when she came back, we decided to go our separate when she came back, we decided to go our separate ways. And andy stayed with me our separate ways. And andy stayed with me he our separate ways. And andy stayed with me. He would go running through the woods. With me. He would go running through the woods, riding his bike. We would io the woods, riding his bike. We would go down the woods, riding his bike. We would go down to the woods, riding his bike. We would go down to the river, go fishing. We would go down to the river, go fishing. We would do go down to the river, go fishing. We would do a go down to the river, go fishing. We would do a lot of things together. He was would do a lot of things together. He was like my best friend. I go to the public he was like my best friend. I go to the public defenders office, and i would the public defenders office, and i would say. The public defenders office, and i would say, we will go and see andy, he is would say, we will go and see andy, he is over would say, we will go and see andy, he is over irr would say, we will go and see andy, he is over injuvenile hall. Went down he is over injuvenile hall. Went down to he is over injuvenile hall. Went down to this little small interrogation room, i was sitting in there interrogation room, i was sitting in there and interrogation room, i was sitting in there and they brought him down the hall, there and they brought him down the hall. And there and they brought him down the hall, and we were both crying, i was hurting. Hall, and we were both crying, i was hurting. I hall, and we were both crying, i was hurting, i felt so bad. That is the first time hurting, i felt so bad. That is the first time i hurting, i felt so bad. That is the first time i can remember telling him that first time i can remember telling him that i first time i can remember telling him that i loved him, was that day. Nicholas was born in california. Unfortunately, his mother and i got divorced. She had no authority to bring nicholas. He was snatched out of california, and it didnt make sense to be running back and forth with him to virginia, sol sense to be running back and forth with him to virginia, so ijust left well enough alone and hope that things would work out. California to virginia, it was a culture shock. I would call nicholas every sunday, and he said, dad, you know this Christian School im going to . He said, yes, whats wrong . He said, its the devil All Over The Place. I said, explain it, let me know whats going on. He said, no, that is it. I said to his mother, nick is dissatisfied with the school, whats going on . Check into it. One morning i had my tv on, and i can see these Police Officers bringing a kid out of a schoolhouse, and i looked at his shirt, im saying, thats my son i call the airlines, made the reservations, jumped on the plane and got here, and by that time, my ex wife had returned home, and i talk to her to find out precisely what had transpired. He shot one of his teachers. Andy had his two buddies that he hung andy had his two buddies that he hung out andy had his two buddies that he hung out with the most, and one of those hung out with the most, and one of those bodies, there was a gentleman who was those bodies, there was a gentleman who was irr those bodies, there was a gentleman who was in his late 20s that would provide who was in his late 20s that would provide them with cigarettes and beer and provide them with cigarettes and beer and marijuana. Provide them with cigarettes and beerand marijuana. He provide them with cigarettes and beer and marijuana. He would come home beer and marijuana. He would come home with beer and marijuana. He would come home with what looked like Bird Markings home with what looked like Bird Markings on his neck, and he said they markings on his neck, and he said they were markings on his neck, and he said they were from skateboarding accidents. I told they were from skateboarding accidents. Itold him they were from skateboarding accidents. I told him over and over i accidents. I told him over and over i didnt accidents. I told him over and over ididht tike accidents. I told him over and over i didnt like these kids, but he stayed i didnt like these kids, but he stayed with them, no matter how badiy stayed with them, no matter how tradty he stayed with them, no matter how badly he was treated with them. These badly he was treated with them. These two boys, they were supposed to have these two boys, they were supposed to have participated, but they backed to have participated, but they backed out. And it was in his mindset backed out. And it was in his mindset that if i back out i will et mindset that if i back out i will get picked on even more, so i made his threats. Get picked on even more, so i made his threats, and that was what made him determined to go and do the school him determined to go and do the school shooting. Around me, he was pretty much light hearted. Pretty much happy go lucky kid, didnt have much worries~ happy go lucky kid, didnt have much worries~ you happy go lucky kid, didnt have much worries. You kind of find out that the bullying and the Race Relations at Santana High School had got so bad, at Santana High School had got so bad. They at Santana High School had got so bad, they were under a warning from the justice bad, they were under a warning from the justice department, and they were the justice department, and they were supposed to have put out the report were supposed to have put out the report saying this is what we are going report saying this is what we are going to report saying this is what we are going to fix to alleviate these problems. They put it off because of the shooting. Finally towards the end the shooting. Finally towards the ehd of the shooting. Finally towards the end of the year, they put out the report. End of the year, they put out the report. And end of the year, they put out the report, and blamed andy on all the problems report, and blamed andy on all the problems at the school. It was ortahdis problems at the school. It was orlandis fault. Before andy there was nothing wrong with our school. You just was nothing wrong with our school. You just look at this going, right. And he you just look at this going, right. And he was you just look at this going, right. And he was bullied at santana, his trackpack and he was bullied at santana, his backpack was thrown into the rhine, he was backpack was thrown into the rhine, he was injured, and years later i know he was injured, and years later i know what he was injured, and years later i know what would cause and issue the shooting. Know what would cause and issue the shooting, he had the sentencing hearing. Shooting, he had the sentencing hearing, the victim impact statements were read, and so for four hours statements were read, and so for four hours i statements were read, and so for four hours i had to sit there and listen four hours i had to sit there and listen to four hours i had to sit there and listen to how bad my son was and how peoples listen to how bad my son was and how peoples lives were affected. The cops report from Santana High School said that cops report from Santana High School said that if cops report from Santana High School said that if it wasnt for andy, there said that if it wasnt for andy, there were no problems at the high schoot~ there were no problems at the high schoot~ he there were no problems at the high school. He wasjust there were no problems at the high school. He was just a little there were no problems at the high school. He wasjust a little kid there were no problems at the high school. He was just a little kid at the track school. He was just a little kid at the back row, it comes up and approaches the microphone and said, im a member of the marching band, the buttyihg im a member of the marching band, the bullying is awful here, i dont blame the bullying is awful here, i dont blame andy for coming to the school and shooting up the place, this place and shooting up the place, this place is and shooting up the place, this place is awful, the bullying is terrible place is awful, the bullying is terrible. In the next day in the newspaper, that kid is not even mentioned. I newspaper, that kid is not even mentioned newspaper, that kid is not even mentioned. ,. , mentioned. I did take The Stand To Testi On mentioned. I did take the stand to testify on my mentioned. I did take the stand to testify on my sons mentioned. I did take the stand to testify on my sons behalf, mentioned. I did take the stand to testify on my sons behalf, but mentioned. I did take the stand to j testify on my sons behalf, but the bitterness was so deep in me, i sounded like the angriest father in the world. I was steaming mad. Yes, i was hurt and mad. Nicholas, he was injuvenile. He said, dad, i have been going through this for two years. The first year i came here, i had kids sticking pins in my arm. I told the teachers what was transpiring, and they said itll go away. Unfortunately, the teachers that he told, they didnt react, and he insisted he was being bullied still. And he was in a position of fight orflight. His mind was completely out of it. He didnt even recognise what he had done. In the first thing he said to me was, im sorry. Im sorry. I didnt mean to hurt nobody. Ijust wanted to get them off my back. Outside i find out that two of my cousins had purchased a gun for me. Nicholas, his mother was giving him about 25 a week, and he was giving it to my two cousins. He says, they bought me this. I felt with his age and his non record, he would get five or ten years, but he was going through this situation like an adult, and they gave him hundred years plus ia. He has been incarcerated 3i hundred years plus ia. He has been incarcerated 31 years. Hundred years plus 14. He has been incarcerated 31 years. Incarcerated 31 years. When the shootinu incarcerated 31 years. When the shooting happened, incarcerated 31 years. When the shooting happened, it incarcerated 31 years. When the shooting happened, it was incarcerated 31 years. When the shooting happened, it was the i shooting happened, it was the beginning of 2a 7 news coverage, so people were bombarded with images and stories. The whole community was in chaos. Everybody was suing everybody. We were sued. The Sheriffs Department was sued. Everybody wanted to hold someone accountable for what had happened, and our own governor got on National Television to say that this was the fault of the shooters parents. It was open season on our family. Everywhere i went i was exposed to all the horrible things that people believed to be true about us. Somehow we were less a human beings. We were evil people. We were people who did not know how to raise children. There was a world of people who hated us. My husband and i had a very strong relationship. For a while our older son came and lived with us. Our family got closer. We experienced so much humiliation. My ex husband, my son, they wish their lives be private. I usuallyjust they wish their lives be private. I usually just say, they wish their lives be private. I usuallyjust say, they they wish their lives be private. I usually just say, they are fine, they are ok, and they dont want me to talk about them. The community blamed jeffrey for what his the community blamed jeffrey for what his son the community blamed jeffrey for what his son did, the community blamed jeffrey for what his son did, and the community blamed jeffrey for what his son did, and when the community blamed jeffrey for what his son did, and when i the community blamed jeffrey for what his son did, and when i first| what his son did, and when i first met him. What his son did, and when i first met him. As what his son did, and when i first met him. Asa what his son did, and when i first met him, as a father what his son did, and when i first met him, as a father of what his son did, and when i first met him, as a father of a what his son did, and when i first met him, as a father of a boy what his son did, and when i first| met him, as a father of a boy that did this met him, as a father of a boy that did this terrible met him, as a father of a boy that did this terrible crime, met him, as a father of a boy that did this terrible crime, and met him, as a father Of A Boy Thatl did this terrible crime, and hearing his story. Did this terrible crime, and hearing his story. I did this terrible crime, and hearing his story. I felt did this terrible crime, and hearing his story, i felt so did this terrible crime, and hearing his story, i felt so bad. Did this terrible crime, and hearing his story, i felt so bad. If did this terrible crime, and hearing his story, i felt so bad. If we did this terrible crime, and hearing his story, i felt so bad. If we wenti his story, i felt so bad. If we went out for his story, i felt so bad. If we went out for dinner his story, i felt so bad. If we went out for dinnerand his story, i felt so bad. If we went out for dinner and drinks, his story, i felt so bad. If we went out for dinner and drinks, they. Out for dinner and drinks, they would out for dinner and drinks, they would take out for dinner and drinks, they would take our out for dinner and drinks, they would take our chairs out for dinner and drinks, they would take our chairs when out for dinner and drinks, they would take our chairs when we out for dinner and drinks, they would take our chairs when we got up to the would take our chairs when we got up to the rest would take our chairs when we got up to the rest room, would take our chairs when we got up to the rest room, and would take our chairs when we got up to the rest room, and when would take our chairs when we got up to the rest room, and when you would take our chairs when we got up| to the rest room, and when you would come to the rest room, and when you would come track to the rest room, and when you would come back and to the rest room, and when you would come back and ask to the rest room, and when you would come back and ask for to the rest room, and when you would come back and ask for your to the rest room, and when you would come back and ask for your chairs come back and ask for your chairs back. Come back and ask for your chairs back. They come back and ask for your chairs back, they totally come back and ask for your chairs back, they totally ignored come back and ask for your chairs back, they totally ignored you. I come back and ask for your chairs. Back, they totally ignored you. They tried to back, they totally ignored you. They tried to tireak back, they totally ignored you. They tried to break into back, they totally ignored you. They tried to break into his back, they totally ignored you. They tried to break into his apartment. I tried to break into his apartment. They tried to break into his apartment. They would tried to break into his apartment. They would follow tried to break into his apartment. They would follow him tried to break into his apartment. They would follow him around. I tried to break into his apartment. | they would follow him around. So tried to break into his apartment. I they would follow him around. So i helped they would follow him around. So i hetped geoffrey they would follow him around. So i helped geoffrey to they would follow him around. So i helped geoffrey to move they would follow him around. So i helped geoffrey to move to they would follow him around. So i j helped geoffrey to move to arizona and get helped geoffrey to move to arizona and get out helped geoffrey to move to arizona and get out of helped geoffrey to move to arizona and get out of san helped geoffrey to move to arizona and get out of san diego. I remember always hoping that the day would come were all this would be resolved and i would get to meet the families face to face and they would get to say that i was sorry. I asked, when do i get to say im sorry . And i was told, this is not the place for that. You just answer the place for that. You just answer the questions. And as the years went on, some of the victims maintained a lot of anger and blame, some did not, some were kind. A few wrote back to me and contacted me. Some people publicly expressed kindness, kind words. Others expressed hatred. I realise that there is no set way to respond to all this, that each one of us even within our own family is processing this differently. And evenin is processing this differently. And even in my family, the way my husband processed it or my son or me, we were all in different places, and i realised that was true for the victims� families as well. I� m sure every Single Person was trying to piece their lives together and to cope with their losses in their own way. Connie sanders reached out to me. Herfather Connie Sanders reached out to me. Her father was Connie Sanders reached out to me. Herfather was killed by dylan Connie Sanders reached out to me. Her father was killed by dylan and eric. Wejust her father was killed by dylan and eric. We just got along and started meeting for coffee and talking. Hearing the stories of the survivors, of people who were killed and their families, survivors, of people who were killed and theirfamilies, it is horrible to hear, and i have a tendency to want to avoid that. And to shut it down and make it about my loss. And it has really helped me to be with connie. It helps me Stay Grounded to the magnitude of what dylan did. My my man was a great man. Society felt the need to my man was a great man. Society felt the need to betray my man was a great man. Society felt the need to betray him my man was a great man. Society felt the need to betray him as my man was a great man. Society felt the need to betray him as this the need to betray him as this perfect the need to betray him as this perfect human being. People had to have this perfect human being. People had to have this Dichotomous View Of Eric And Dytan Have This dichotomous view of eric and dylan versus the victims, almost like it and dylan versus the victims, almost like it was and dylan versus the victims, almost like it was this win lose thing. Lets like it was this win lose thing. Lets evaluate the circumstances. Let� s evaluate the circumstances. What prompted nicholas to get a gun in order to bring it to school to kill another human being . We got kids today, they are killing themselves because of being bullied. There were a couple of incidents in california where the bullies were sentenced to jail. I� m not saying he� s innocent, no, far be it. But we can� t reject our responsibility. He has no protection. He has no help. I� ve got to let him know, hey, i� m here. If you need anything, if you� ve got a problem, i� m here. I will be here until the good lord takes me away. And as as long as i� ve got breath in my body, he ain� t going hungry or homeless. That� s the only thing i can do as his father. If he gets parole to norfolk, he� ll move in a bedroom upstairs. He and i will walk around the block so he can get to know the neighbourhood and then we get on the bus. I don� t care how long it takes, we are going to get on every bus, ride around and see how things have changed. It� s like i told him how to crawl, i was with him when he learned how to walk and i will be with him when he learns how to crawl and how to walk again. Learns how to crawl and how to walk aaain. Learns how to crawl and how to walk aiain. ,. , learns how to crawl and how to walk aiain. ,. , learns how to crawl and how to walk aaain. ,. ,. , again. Dylan had been in trouble for stealin again. Dylan had been in trouble for stealing but again. Dylan had been in trouble for stealing but he again. Dylan had been in trouble for stealing but he had again. Dylan had been in trouble for stealing but he had just again. Dylan had been in trouble for stealing but he had just gotten i again. Dylan had been in trouble for stealing but he had just gotten off. Stealing but he had just gotten off of diversion. They said dylan and eric had done so beautifully they wanted to let them off early. Dylan had been accepted at four colleges of his choice and got into the school of his choice, the university of arizona. He was in school plays, he had a job after school. He was getting passable grades. He was not a stellar student but he was doing 0k. A stellar student but he was doing ok. From what i saw, he was on the right track. There were times when he was quiet and sometimes sullen and spend a lot of time in his room. But id and spend a lot of time in his room. But i� d never met a 17 year old boy for whom that is not true. The shootings happened on a tuesday and that weekend, before the shootings, dylan went to a prom with his friends and with a date. They went out to dinner, they did dancing and they did all these things and then three days later, he was involved in a school shooting. So it was so hard for me to try and comprehend what had just happened because what i was seeing with someone who was engaged in life. But the police found ratings of his and he had written, i� m in agony, i want to die and he referred to cutting himself and i had never known he had been doing any self harm at all. He had this hidden life that he was not sharing with us. While it was happening, and i was bewildered and scared and didn� t know what was happening to us, i prayed that he would die. In the years since then, i� ve felt somehow especially wrong to have prayed that. I have met many families who have incarcerated children and i had sort of changed my thinking and i think, they are lucky, at least they can talk to their child. I felt guilty for having lost a connection with dylan. Having not known that he was suffering. I think i� ve learned now that as parents, ourjob is not to make our kids feel better. We are so focused on trying to make our kids feel better and what i missed was i think ourjobis better and what i missed was i think ourjob is to help them feel, to help them feel and understand what they feel and i didn� t do that. You know, i� ll never stop wishing that i could have those years over again. Never. If i saw Dylan Face To face and i could ask him anything, i would ask him to forgive me for not being a mum he deserved, for not being someone he could come to and talk to, for not knowing how to listen properly to him. I would give anything to have him come to me and put his arms around me and say it� s ok. 0k. Something terrible that day. And it took something terrible that day. And it took a something terrible that day. And it took a long time to understand why it took a long time to understand why but it took a long time to understand why. But hes my only son and i offered why. But hes my only son and i offered him unconditional love. The funny offered him unconditional love. The funny thing offered him unconditional love. The funny thing is, as you know, his mum when funny thing is, as you know, his mum when we funny thing is, as you know, his mum when we were funny thing is, as you know, his mum when we were together at first, she had to when we were together at first, she had to convince me, she wanted another had to convince me, she wanted another child. I said no, man, had to convince me, she wanted anotherchild. Isaid no, man, i dont anotherchild. Isaid no, man, i dont want anotherchild. Isaid no, man, i dont want somebody like me, you know . Dont want somebody like me, you know . And dont want somebody like me, you know . And i didnt get somebody like me, know . And i didnt get somebody like me. I know . And i didnt get somebody like me. I got know . And i didnt get somebody like me, i got somebody like andy. Im so lad me, i got somebody like andy. Im so glad that me, i got somebody like andy. Im so glad that his me, i got somebody like andy. Im so glad that his mum talked me into having glad that his mum talked me into having another one. He had that terrible having another one. He had that terrible day, he had a bad experience beforehand, but he is still my experience beforehand, but he is still my son. I was pretty much off the mark before i was pretty much off the mark before march five, so this is like my time before march five, so this is like my time to before march five, so this is like my time to kind of redeemed myself a little bit my time to kind of redeemed myself a little bit and try and help him out. Thats little bit and try and help him out. Thats what little bit and try and help him out. Thats what i see myself as a father. Thats what i see myself as a father. To thats what i see myself as a father, to try and help him do the best he father, to try and help him do the best he can father, to try and help him do the best he can and support him to become best he can and support him to become a best he can and support him to become a better person. I dont want to hold become a better person. Idont want to hold any become a better person. I dont want to hold any anger to him. To me, that is to hold any anger to him. To me, that is not to hold any anger to him. To me, that is not yourjob as a parent. Your that is not yourjob as a parent. Yourjob that is not yourjob as a parent. Yourjob is that is not yourjob as a parent. Yourjob is to support your that is not yourjob as a parent, yourjob is to support your children no matter yourjob is to support your children no matter what. I didnt lose a son that day no matter what. I didnt lose a son that day i no matter what. I didnt lose a son that day. I can still on occasion i et that day. I can still on occasion i get to that day. I can still on occasion i get to talk that day. I can still on occasion i get to talk to my son, i get to hug him~ get to talk to my son, i get to hug him i get to talk to my son, i get to hug him i get get to talk to my son, i get to hug him i get to get to talk to my son, i get to hug him. I get to laugh with him. I dont him. I get to laugh with him. I dont know him. I get to laugh with him. I dont know how i would feel if i didnt dont know how i would feel if i didnt have that chance, other than i didnt have that chance, other than i know didnt have that chance, other than i know id didnt have that chance, other than i know id have A Hole In My Heart and be i know id have A Hole In My Heart and be at i know id have A Hole In My Heart and be at loss. Its it� s hard to talk about the funeral. We had just a very few people there. I think in the room, maybe there were 12 people also. I wanted to have the body cremated before i left the premises because i was so afraid someone would hurt him or take him. I remember looking up at windows because i was afraid of the media, and i was constantly watching to make sure someone wasn� t on some ladder somewhere trying to look in, snapping pictures of dylan in his casket or snapping pictures of us. He wasjust there casket or snapping pictures of us. He was just there in a Cardboard Box and they allowed each of us to have and they allowed each of us to have a few minutes with him. So my husband and my son and i each had time with him alone to say goodbye. What i remember doing wasjust like, you know, wanting to crawl in the casket with him. Because he was so cold and ijust kept thinking, i� ve got to get him warm. Ijust wanted him to be warm. I kept rubbing his arms and patting his hands. I said to him and i said it loud and i said, darling, help me understand. Help me understand what happened. I said, that� s all i want to understand. And i didn� t realise until that very moment that that did become my life� s mission. I hope dylan has helped me understand because that� s what i� ve been seeking for 20 years, is understanding. I prayed and prayed to him to guide me and to show me some kind of a path to get through some kind of a path to get through so that i can cope with this and i can no what he. What he never said to me, and i do believe that that has happened over time and i have gained some kind of an understanding. Gained some kind of an understanding. Gained some kind of an understandinu. ~ ,. ,. , understanding. Thank you for using gtl. Hi, understanding. Thank you for using gtl. Hi. Son. Understanding. Thank you for using gtl. Hi, son. Hi, understanding. Thank you for using gtl. Hi, son. Hi, pops, understanding. Thank you for using gtl. Hi, son. Hi, pops, how understanding. Thank you for using gtl. Hi, son. Hi, pops, how are. Understanding. Thank you for using | gtl. Hi, son. Hi, pops, how are you doin . Gtl. Hi, son. Hi, pops, how are you doing . Its gtl. Hi, son. Hi, pops, how are you doing . Its been gtl. Hi, son. Hi, pops, how are you doing . Its been a gtl. Hi, son. Hi, pops, how are you doing . Its been a good gtl. Hi, son. Hi, pops, how are you doing . Its been a good day gtl. Hi, son. Hi, pops, how are you doing . Its been a good day overall. Are ou doing . Its been a good day overall. Are you doing doing . Its been a good day overall. Are you doing 0k . Doing . Its been a good day overall. Are you doing 0k . Is doing . Its been a good day overall. Are you doing 0k . Is soso. Doing . Its been a good day overall. Are you doing 0k . Is soso. Just i are you doing 0k . Is so so. Just trying are you doing 0k . Is so so. Just trying to are you doing 0k . Is so so. Just trying to stay optimistic. We are you doing 0k . Is soso. Just trying to stay optimistic. Trying to stay optimistic. We are not auoin trying to stay optimistic. We are not going to trying to stay optimistic. We are not going to give trying to stay optimistic. We are not going to give up trying to stay optimistic. We are not going to give up on trying to stay optimistic. We are | not going to give up on anything, 0k . �. ,. , not going to give up on anything, 0k . �. ,. , y. , not going to give up on anything, 0k . �. ,. , y. ,. , not going to give up on anything, 0k . ,. , y. ,. , ok . Im going to try not to. It is easier said ok . Im going to try not to. It is easier said than ok . Im going to try not to. It is easier said than done ok . Im going to try not to. It is easier said than done when i ok . Im going to try not to. It is easier said than done when you | ok . Im going to try not to. It is i easier said than done when you see some easier said than done when you see some of easier said than done when you see some of the easier said than done when you see some of the stuff that goes on here. I some of the stuff that goes on here. I know some of the stuff that goes on here. I know precisely how i feel and you feel. I know precisely how i feel and ou feel. ,. , you feel. Once i get out of this lace. You feel. Once i get out of this place we you feel. Once i get out of this place. We will you feel. Once i get out of this place. We will get you feel. Once i get out of this place. We will get you i you feel. Once i get out of this place. We will get you back | you feel. Once i get out of this| place. We will get you back to california place. We will get you back to california. California, place. We will get you back to california. California, alaska, i california. California, alaska, anywhere california. California, alaska, anywhere i california. California, alaska, anywhere. I havent california. California, alaska, anywhere. I havent got i california. California, alaska, i anywhere. I havent got Anything Auoin in anywhere. I havent got anything going in alaska anywhere. I havent got anything going in alaska. I anywhere. I havent got anything going in alaska. I would anywhere. I havent got anything going in alaska. I would rather i anywhere. I havent got anything l going in alaska. I would rather live out their on going in alaska. I would rather live out their on my going in alaska. I would rather live out their on my own going in alaska. I would rather live out their on my own in going in alaska. I would rather live out their on my own in private. I going in alaska. I would rather live| out their on my own in private. Live off the out their on my own in private. Live off the land out their on my own in private. Live off the land off the land. Hey, anybody with any aood off the land. Hey, anybody with any good sense off the land. Hey, anybody with any good sense wouldnt off the land. Hey, anybody with any good sense wouldnt want off the land. Hey, anybody with any good sense wouldnt want to off the land. Hey, anybody with any good sense wouldnt want to be i off the land. Hey, anybody with anyl good sense wouldnt want to be the, good sense wouldn� t want to be the, you know . Sat; good sense wouldnt want to be the, ou know . , good sense wouldnt want to be the, ou know . Good sense wouldnt want to be the, you know . Anybody i good sense wouldnt want to be the, i you know . Anybody with you know . Say it again . Anybody with any common you know . Say it again . Anybody with any common sense you know . Say it again . Anybody with any common sense wouldnt you know . Say it again . Anybody with any common sense wouldnt want i you know . Say it again . Anybody with any common sense wouldnt want to l you know . Say it again . Anybody with l any common sense wouldnt want to be any common sense wouldn� t want to be institutionalised. So, hey, we� re not going to stop trying anything. I want you out of there. Iii not going to stop trying anything. I want you out of there. Want you out of there. If you want me to call want you out of there. If you want me to call back want you out of there. If you want me to call back tomorrow want you out of there. If you want me to call back tomorrow or i me to call back tomorrow or something or another day, just let me know something or another day, just let me know and i will call back. Everything is cool right now. Got that . I everything is cool right now. Got that . I love everything is cool right now. Got that . I love you. I everything is cool right now. Got that . I love you. I love everything is cool right now. Got that . I love you. I love you, I Everything Is Cool right now. Got| that . I love you. I love you, son. Take care that . I love you. I love you, son. Take care. Hang that . I love you. I love you, son. Take care. Hang in that . I love you. I love you, son. Take care. Hang in there, that . I love you. I love you, son. Take care. Hang in there, were i take care. Hang in there, were still working. Take care. Hang in there, were still working. Tell take care. Hang in there, were still working. Tell them take care. Hang in there, were still working. Tell them i take care. Hang in there, were still working. Tell them i said. Take care. Hang in there, werej still working. Tell them i said hi and to take still working. Tell them i said hi and to take care. Still working. Tell them i said hi and to take care. Drive still working. Tell them i said hi and to take care. Drive safely i still working. Tell them i said hi i and to take care. Drive safely for. I and to take care. Drive safely for. Iwitt and to take care. Drive safely for. Iwitt i and to take care. Drive safely for. Iwitt i love and to take care. Drive safely for. I will. I love you. The day when andy brought the gun to school. The day when andy brought the gun to school. My the day when andy brought the gun to school. My son the day when andy brought the gun to school, my son was the day when andy brought the gun to school, my son was on the day when andy brought the gun to school, my son was on his the day when andy brought the gun to school, my son was on his way the day when andy brought the gun to school, my son was on his way to i the day when andy brought the gun to school, my son was on his way to the i school, my son was on his way to the classroom school, my son was on his way to the classroom and school, my son was on his way to the classroom and the school, my son was on his way to the classroom and the shooting school, my son was on his way to the | classroom and the shooting happened atmost classroom and the shooting happened atmost right classroom and the shooting Happened Atmost Right In Classroom and the shooting happened almost right in front classroom and the shooting happened almost right in front of classroom and the shooting happened almost right in front of him. Classroom and the shooting happened almost right in front of him. So classroom and the shooting happened almost right in front of him. So he i almost right in front of him. So he knew almost right in front of him. So he knew right almost right in front of him. So he knew right away almost right in front of him. So he knew right away what almost right in front of him. So he knew right away what it almost right in front of him. So he knew right away what it was almost right in front of him. So he knew right away what it was and l almost right in front of him. So he i knew right away what it was and did not go knew right away what it was and did not go around knew right away what it was and did not go around that knew right away what it was and did not go around that corner knew right away what it was and did not go around that corner but knew right away what it was and did not go around that corner but when| not go around that corner but when the other not go around that corner but when the other way not go around that corner but when the other way and not go around that corner but when the other way and then not go around that corner but when the other way and then of not go around that corner but when the other way and then of course i the other way and then of course called the other way and then of course called me the other way and then of course called me to the other way and then of course called me to make the other way and then of course called me to make sure the other way and then of course called me to make sure he the other way and then of course called me to make sure he got i the other way and then of course i called me to make sure he got me before called me to make sure he got me before i called me to make sure he got me before i left called me to make sure he got me before i left the called me to make sure he got me before i left the house. It was a terrible day for all of us. It was a terrible day for all of us. I stilt it was a terrible day for all of us. Istitt cant it was a terrible day for all of us. I still cant believe it was a terrible day for all of us. I still cant believe that it was a terrible day for all of us. I i still cant believe that Something Like that i still cant believe that Something Like that happened i still cant believe that Something Like that happened in i still cant believe that Something Like that happened in our i still cant believe that something i like that happened in our community. The boy that was shot and killed turned the boy that was shot and killed turned 18 the boy that was shot and killed turned 18 during the boy that was shot and killed turned 18 during the the boy that was shot and killed turned 18 during the next the boy that was shot and killed turned 18 during the next year i the boy that was shot and killed i turned 18 during the next year and so because turned18 during the next year and so because i turned18 during the next year and so because i knew turned 18 during the next year and so because i knew the turned 18 during the next year and so because i knew the parents, i. Turned 18 during the next year and i so because i knew the parents, i put together so because i knew the parents, i put together over so because i knew the parents, i put together over 100 so because i knew the parents, i put together over 100 flyers so because i knew the parents, i put together over 100 flyers for so because i knew the parents, i put together over 100 flyers for them i so because i knew the parents, i put together over 100 flyers for them to| together over 100 flyers for them to put up together over 100 flyers for them to put up in together over 100 flyers for them to put up in the together over 100 flyers for them to put up in the neighbourhood together over 100 flyers for them to put up in the neighbourhood to together over 100 flyers for them toi put up in the neighbourhood to come to their put up in the neighbourhood to come to their house put up in the neighbourhood to come to their house and put up in the neighbourhood to come to their house and celebrate put up in the neighbourhood to come to their house and celebrate his i to their house and celebrate his 18th Birthday to their house and celebrate his 18th Birthday. And to their house and celebrate his 18th Birthday. And i to their house and celebrate his 18th Birthday. And i wore to their house and celebrate his 18th Birthday. And i wore the i 18th Birthday. And i wore the tshirt 18th Birthday. And i wore the t shirt against 18th Birthday. And i wore the t shirt against andy. 18th Birthday. And i wore the t shirt against andy. When i 18th Birthday. And i wore the i t shirt against andy. When the sentencing t shirt against andy. When the sentencing was t shirt against andy. When the sentencing was going t shirt against andy. When the sentencing was going on, i t shirt against andy. When Thej Sentencing was going on, there t shirt against andy. When the i sentencing was going on, there was mass sentencing was going on, there was mass media sentencing was going on, there was Mass Media Att Sentencing was going on, there was mass media all over sentencing was going on, there was mass media all over the sentencing was going on, there was mass media All Over The Place i sentencing was going on, there was mass media All Over The Place in i sentencing was going on, there was| mass media All Over The Place in our smatt mass media All Over The Place in our small town. Mass media All Over The Place in our small town. At mass media All Over The Place in our small town, at the mass media All Over The Place in our small town, at the school mass media All Over The Place in our small town, at the school and mass media All Over The Place in our small town, at the school and trying j small town, at the school and trying to interview small town, at the school and trying to interview the small town, at the school and trying to interview the kids small town, at the school and trying to interview the kids because small town, at the school and trying to interview the kids because they. To interview the kids because they were to interview the kids because they were getting to interview the kids because they were getting ready to interview the kids because they were getting ready to to interview the kids because they were getting ready to sentence i to interview the kids because they. Were getting ready to sentence this young were getting ready to sentence this young man were getting ready to sentence this young man i were getting ready to sentence this young man. I heard were getting ready to sentence this young man. I heard that were getting ready to sentence this young man. I heard that there i were getting ready to sentence this i young man. I heard that there wasnt going young man. I heard that there wasnt going to young man. I heard that there wasnt going to be young man. I heard that there wasnt going to be a young man. I heard that there wasnt going to be a trial, young man. I heard that there wasnt going to be a trial, they young man. I heard that there wasnt going to be a trial, they were young man. I heard that there wasnt going to be a trial, they were just going to be a trial, they were just going going to be a trial, they were just going to going to be a trial, they were just going to sentence going to be a trial, they were just going to sentence him going to be a trial, they were just going to sentence him to going to be a trial, they were just going to sentence him to 50 going to be a trial, they were just| going to sentence him to 50 years going to be a trial, they were just i going to sentence him to 50 years to life. Going to sentence him to 50 years to life i going to sentence him to 50 years to life i did going to sentence him to 50 years to life i did wetch going to sentence him to 50 years to life. I did watch the going to sentence him to 50 years to life. I did watch the procedures going to sentence him to 50 years to life. I did watch the procedures on i life. I did watch the procedures on tv because life. I did watch the procedures on tv because their life. I did watch the procedures on tv because their saturday life. I did watch the procedures on tv because their saturday nights i tv because their saturday nights before tv because their saturday nights before they tv because their saturday nights before they sentenced tv because their saturday nights before they sentenced andy, tv because their saturday nights before they sentenced andy, i. Tv because their saturday nights. Before they sentenced andy, i met his father, before they sentenced andy, i met his father, jeff before they sentenced andy, i met his father, jeff williams. A couple of weeks before andys sentencing i thought, i might as well go sentencing i thought, i might as well go to sentencing i thought, i might as well go to this bar down the street. Im playing well go to this bar down the street. Im playing pool and in comes this striking im playing pool and in comes this striking Redheaded Lady in this red dress striking Redheaded Lady in this red dress im striking Redheaded Lady in this red dress. Im a shy person and so i dont dress. Im a shy person and so i dont know dress. Im a shy person and so i dont know what compelled me to do it but dont know what compelled me to do it but it dont know what compelled me to do it but it was dont know what compelled me to do it but it was like this attraction that said. It but it was like this attraction that said, youve got to go there, at least that said, youve got to go there, at least introduce yourself and make yourself at least introduce yourself and make yourself look like an idiot. I go up to her yourself look like an idiot. I go up to her and yourself look like an idiot. I go up to her and go, yourself look like an idiot. I go up to herand go, hire, yourself look like an idiot. I go up to her and go, hire, excuse yourself look like an idiot. I go up to herand go, hire, excuse me, my name to herand go, hire, excuse me, my name is to herand go, hire, excuse me, my name isjeff~ to herand go, hire, excuse me, my name isjeff~ i to herand go, hire, excuse me, my name isjeff. Iam to herand go, hire, excuse me, my name isjeff. I am andys dad. I didnt name isjeff. I am andys dad. I didnt want name isjeff. I am andys dad. I didnt want herto name isjeff. I am andys dad. I didnt want her to be blindsided. People didnt want her to be blindsided. People have said bad things about me. People have said bad things about me i people have said bad things about me ijust people have said bad things about me. Ijust wanted herto people have said bad things about me. Ijust wanted her to know who i was up me. Ijust wanted her to know who i was up front me. Ijust wanted her to know who i was up front. We sat there and talked was up front. We sat there and talked for was up front. We sat there and talked for a little bit, went to her house talked for a little bit, went to her house and talked for a little bit, went to her house and we sat at her Kitchen Table house and we sat at her Kitchen Table aii house and we sat at her Kitchen Table all night, just talking. Im sitting table all night, just talking. Im sitting there and im going, wow, this person sitting there and im going, wow, this person doesnt hate me. Shes actually this person doesnt hate me. Shes actually talking to me like a human being weve been together ever since, set 16 years here comes the geese. When i brought jeffrey when i broughtjeffrey home and my sonjonathan when i broughtjeffrey home and my sonjonathan realised when i broughtjeffrey home and my son jonathan realised who when i broughtjeffrey home and my sonjonathan realised who he when i broughtjeffrey home and my sonjonathan realised who he was,. Sonjonathan realised who he was, even sonjonathan realised who he was, even he sonjonathan realised who he was, even he was, sonjonathan realised who he was, even he was, mum, sonjonathan realised who he was, even he was, mum, What Sonjonathan realised who he was, even he was, mum, what Are Sonjonathan realised who he was, even he was, mum, what are youj even he was, mum, what are you doing . Even he was, mum, what are you doing . I even he was, mum, what are you doing . I said. Even he was, mum, what are you doing . I said, just even he was, mum, what are you doing . I said, just listen even he was, mum, what are you doing . I said, just listen to even he was, mum, what are you doing . I said, just listen to his i doing . I said, just listen to his storv doing . I said, just listen to his story. Just doing . I said, just listen to his story. Just have doing . I said, just listen to his story. Just have an doing . I said, just listen to his story. Just have an open doing . I said, just listen to his story. Just have an open mind. L doing . I said, just listen to his story. Just have an open mind. | story. Just have an open mind. And so my story. Just have an open mind. And so my son story. Just have an open mind. And so my sonjust story. Just have an open mind. And so my sonjust was story. Just have an open mind. And so my son just was here story. Just have an open mind. And so my son just was here visiting story. Just have an open mind. And so my sonjust was here visiting in. So my sonjust was here visiting in ohio so my sonjust was here visiting in ohio he so my sonjust was here visiting in ohio he left so my sonjust was here visiting in ohio. He left the so my sonjust was here visiting in ohio. He left the grand so my sonjust was here visiting in ohio. He left the grand babies so my sonjust was here visiting in| ohio. He left the grand babies here for 30 0hio. He left the grand babies here for 30 days ohio. He left the grand babies here for 30 days while ohio. He left the grand babies here for 30 days while they ohio. He left the grand babies here for 30 days while they went ohio. He left the grand babies here for 30 days while they went to for 30 days while they went to japan, for 30 days while they went to japan, so for 30 days while they went to japan. So that for 30 days while they went to japan, so that was for 30 days while they went to japan, so that was my for 30 days while they went to japan, so that was my son for 30 days while they went toj japan, so that was my son and for 30 days while they went to i japan, so that was my son and he for 30 days while they went to japan, so that was my son and he is jeff and japan, so that was my son and he is jeff and they japan, so that was my son and he is jeff and they call japan, so that was my son and he is jeff and they call him japan, so that was my son and he is jeff and they call him grandpa, japan, so that was my son and he is jeff and they call him grandpa, so. Jeff and they call him grandpa, so my side jeff and they call him grandpa, so my side of jeff and they call him grandpa, so my side of the jeff and they call him grandpa, so my side of the family jeff and they call him grandpa, so my side of the family has jeff and they call him grandpa, so my side of the family has taken. Jeff and they call him grandpa, so. My side of the family has taken him inand my side of the family has taken him in and is my side of the family has taken him in and is treating my side of the family has taken him in and is treating him my side of the family has taken him in and is treating him like my side of the family has taken him in and is treating him like a my side of the family has taken him in and is treating him like a real in and is treating him like a real dad and in and is treating him like a real dad and a in and is treating him like a real dad and a real in and is treating him like a real dad and a real grandfather. I could have walked away at any time and i i could have walked away at any time and i stilt i could have walked away at any time and i still can i could have walked away at any time and i still can but i could have walked away at any time and i still can but i i could have walked away at any time and i still can but i cant. I could have walked away at any time and i still can but i cant. You and i still can but i cant. You know. And i still can but i cant. You know. I and i still can but i cant. You know. I love and i still can but i cant. You know, i love the and i still can but i cant. You know, i love the guy. Im responsible for having the guns there im responsible for having the guns there in im responsible for having the guns there in the house. Ifeel responsible that i missed the signs to intervene sooner. But i was doing my best to intervene sooner. But i was doing my best i to intervene sooner. But i was doing my best. I was doing what i thought was the my best. I was doing what i thought was the right thing to do at the tinre, was the right thing to do at the tinre, with was the right thing to do at the time, with what i knew. I tell you, i itell you, i havent i tell you, i havent shot a gun since i tell you, i havent shot a gun since then i tell you, i havent shot a gun since then. I dont ever intend on shooting since then. I dont ever intend on shooting a since then. I dont ever intend on shooting a gun again. Ive lost all interest shooting a gun again. Ive lost all interest in shooting a gun again. Ive lost all interest in shooting. I have no interest interest in shooting. I have no interest to interest in shooting. I have no interest to pick up a gun. Ijust want interest to pick up a gun. Ijust want to interest to pick up a gun. Ijust want to stay away. I still cry today. People that were there i still cry today. People that were there that i still cry today. People that were there that day, they are going to remember there that day, they are going to remember that, there that day, they are going to rememberthat, i can there that day, they are going to remember that, i can still see it, there that day, they are going to rememberthat, i can still see it, i can stilt rememberthat, i can still see it, i can still see rememberthat, i can still see it, i can still see the ambulances. I can tell you. Can still see the ambulances. I can tell you, that was the worst day of my life tell you, that was the worst day of my life it tell you, that was the worst day of my life. It takes a long time to get over a my life. It takes a long time to get over a shock my life. It takes a long time to get over a shock like this. If the emotion over a shock like this. If the emotion goes away, it doesnt twist my stomach, then i think there is something my stomach, then i think there is something wrong with me. I should not something wrong with me. I should not i something wrong with me. I should not. I should feel emotion, i should not. I should feel emotion, i should feet not. I should feel emotion, i should feel sadness, i should feel emotional should feel sadness, i should feel emotional about the kids that were kitted emotional about the kids that were kitted and emotional about the kids that were killed and wounded and what happened and in killed and wounded and what happened and in the killed and wounded and what happened and in the trouble that happened. There and in the trouble that happened. There were a few Warning Signs that maybe there were a few Warning Signs that maybe could have been stopped and they were maybe could have been stopped and they were missed and the whole point is to get they were missed and the whole point is to get those Warning Signs out so they can is to get those Warning Signs out so they can be is to get those Warning Signs out so they can be stopped. They are going to happen, they can be stopped. They are going to happen, School Shootings are going to happen, School Shootings are going to to happen, School Shootings are going to happen again but lets do our best going to happen again but lets do our best that we can try to stop them our best that we can try to stop them he our best that we can try to stop them. He is my son, the school shooter, them. He is my son, the school shooter, and its going to stay that wav~ everywhere i went, i didnt know if i should identify who i was. For a while, i went a different name. I even thought of moving out of town. I thought maybe i should just leave. But then i knew if i if i left, i would lose all of my personal support and i would be some stranger somewhere and they would say, that is the woman whose son killed all those people. So i decided to keep my name and to stop hiding, eventually, and just acknowledge who i was. Its fun. Its not about perfection, dont its fun. Its not about perfection, dont worry its fun. Its not about perfection, dont worry about its fun. Its not about perfection, dont worry about perfection. Its fun. Its not about perfection, dont worry about perfection. If. Its fun. Its not about perfection, i dont worry about perfection. If you dont dont worry about perfection. If you dont know dont worry about perfection. If you dont know att dont worry about perfection. If you dont know all the dont worry about perfection. If you dont know all the steps, dont worry about perfection. If you dont know all the steps, dont dont know all the steps, dont worry dont know all the steps, dont worry about dont know all the steps, dont worry about that, dont know all the steps, dont worry about that, just dont know all the steps, dont worry about that, just have dont know all the steps, donti worry about that, just have fun. This worry about that, just have fun. This is worry about that, just have fun. This is your worry about that, just have fun. This is your class. Worry about that, just have fun. This is your class. We worry about that, just have fun. This is your class. We want worry about that, just have fun. This is your class. We want you | worry about that, just have fun. L this is your class. We want you to have this is your class. We want you to have smiles this is your class. We want you to have smiles on this is your class. We want you to have smiles on your this is your class. We want you to have smiles on your faces, this is your class. We want you to have smiles on your faces, 0k . L when the point comes when you begin to have periods of time where life feels almost normal for 20 minutes or 30 minutes or feels almost normal for 20 minutes or30 minutes oran feels almost normal for 20 minutes or 30 minutes or an hour, you feels almost normal for 20 minutes or30 minutes oran hour, you might have days where you start to smile. You might forget for a while who you are and whats happened to you. Then you start to feel guilty because as soon as you begin to feel happy, you begin to hate yourself because you think, how can i possibly feel happy when this terrible thing has happened . What kind of horrible person am i to feeljoy because i know that suffering is going on and i feel somehow its unjust for me to be happy. But at this stage in my life, i guess i would say, yes, i am. You know, of course i would have wished that these horrible things hadnt happened. But certainly im grateful that ive reached a place where life is ok and theres plenty to be thankful for. I had friends and friends who knew dylan, people who i worked with, neighbours. People who were incredibly kind and supportive, thank god, because i could not have survived without that connection. Do you bring a casserole to somebody whose son has just shot up a school . That is not part of our cultural lexicon. But yes, my neighbours did. And i can still remember times when my neighbours came over and they brought dinner and they brought all ad, which was this newfangled thing that i had never heard of before. They brought caller id. 0h they brought caller id. Oh look, isnt that adorable . 0h, oh look, isnt that adorable . oh, gosh isnt he adorable . In the beginning, our entire world, our community, ourfamily, our community, our family, everybody, we our community, ourfamily, everybody, we were trying to answer this one question over and over again. Why did this happen . What i learned slowly over time was it is never any one thing. Things like this are extremely complex, they happen because of a variety of things going wrong and coming together. I will never understand fully how he could do it but i think there is another big component and i think its relevant not only to dylan and his story and this story, but its relevant to all of the world right now. That is the issue of ones ability to dehumanise other people. I look around now in life and i see it occurring all the time. I hear it in politics, i hear it on the news, i hear it when people blame and reduce people down to some element of themselves, forgetting the 99. 999 of that human being that we have in common with each other and reducing someone down to some aspect of themselves, focusing on that. Focusing anger on that, focusing anger and hatred on that. That frightens me because i think thats how human beings are cruel to each other. The greatest protective factor we have to protect people against suicide and against violence is connection. Weve got to connect with each other better. We have to listen to each other better. You see me here, i know you do you see me here, i know you do you see me here, i know you do you might pretend but im a part of you. If you have been affected by this story, head to. Hello there. Were intojuly now. A new month, and a very different type of weather. Particularly when we compare it to the month just gone. In fact, june 2023 was exceptionally warm and dry record breakingly so for many of us. It was all because we were dominated by High Pressure. A very different feel to the weather to startjuly. Scenes more like this, with plenty of rainbows up and down the country, will be actually quite a common feature for the upcoming week. All because we replace High Pressure with low pressure, which will sit to the north of the uk, bringing fairly cool, fresh north north westerly winds down across our shores. You can see the lighter yellow colours, even the blue and green hue there, pushing in from the north west. It will feel a lot fresher again for part two of the weekend. Plenty of sunshine around for central and southern areas, but blustery showers across the northern half of the country, and prolonged rain, heavy rain at times, across the far north of scotland and towards the northern isles. Temperatures here around the mid to high teens. But, given some sunshine or better sunshine, i should say, we could just make around 21 or 22 celsius across the south east. That is almost where we should be for the time of year. Through sunday night, quite fresh again, blustery further showers in the north and a chilly night to come across the northern half of the country with temperatures for most in single digits. Little change to start the working week. Monday, low pressure sitting across scandinavia, bringing more north westerly winds, plenty of showers across northern areas, but also a feature running in to ireland across the irish sea, enhancing showers across wales and western england those will push towards the east on monday. Pretty much anywhere could catch a shower on monday. Again, blustery, fairly strong winds, taking the edge off the temperatures, which will be around orjust below par for the time of year, generally the mid to high teens in the north and high teens, low 20s in the south. Into tuesday, this feature will bring cloudier, wet weather to england and wales. It looks like it could be pretty unsettled across the board on tuesday, with further showers for scotland and Northern Ireland and this area of showers and or even more persistent rain across england and wales. There could be some thundery bursts mixed in to that as well. Temperatures at best about 20 celsius and the low to mid teens in the north, feeling quite cool. Wednesday, a chance of this small area of low pressure bringing heavy, possibly thundery rain towards parts of england and wales. The current thinking is more towards the south east corner, then pushing on into the north sea. An unsettled day to come for england and wales. Maybe a little quieter, apart from a few showers, for scotland and Northern Ireland, but it will warm up a little bit. The reason it will warm up from wednesday onwards, towards the end of the week, is that low pressure will be sitting to the west of us, higher pressure towards the near continent, dragging up some warmer air from france and iberia. Towards the end of the week, with low pressure sitting towards the west, higher pressure to the east, we will start to draw these southerly winds and the deeper orange colours move northwards across the uk. We will be warming up, but the run up to end of the week will be unsettled, with showers or longer spells of rain, and maybe some thunderstorms mixed in as well. Temperatures will be below par at the start of the week, but towards the end of the week, as we import that warm air from the south, things could be warming up with increasing sunshine across southern areas. Suburb of nanterre. Live from washington. This is bbc news. More Police Officers are being deployed across france as fears of a fifth night of rioting grow. This after a funeral was held earlier for the teen who was shot dead by police. The dutch king makes a personal apology for his countrys role in slavery. And the final frontier the European Space Agency Launches its euclid telescope, hoping to shed light on the dark side of the universe. Hello, im helena humphrey, its great to have you with us. We start in france where the funeral of a teenager shot dead by a Police Officer has taken place in the paris