Well, it was something i had to do. The first thing i did was try and shut down my pain. I didnt recognise what had happened to me for what it was, because i had this misconception as a 16 year old that rape was something that happened when a knife wielding, Armed Lunatic would jump out of the bush and attack you, because i was under these impressions from the media, which over report on those crimes when, in actuality, it is as you say so often somebody you know. So i tried to shut down this pain and i became very effective overachiever, because standing still offered too much reflection on the past, which was too painful. Despite me projecting this successful image to the outside i was very much hurting in private and i was numbing my pain with alcohol, self harm, eating disorders and i hit rock bottom at the age of 25 and had long given up the hope of legaljustice because it didnt press charges right away and my perpetrator moved to the other side of the planet. So i needed, nonetheless, to have him take responsibility for his actions. And you made that move . Yes, and i did not have high hopes, but i needed to do that for me. Tom, you responded to her E Mail Straightaway with an apology. Did you see yourself as a rapist . Do you call yourself that . There is an internal recognition, absolutely, that what i did was nothing other than rape. It has been a long process of understanding the gravity of my actions and the damage i have caused. As much as i have come to understand, there was a sense of entitlement and deservingness, where i sanctioned my own needs over the top of any understanding or for the well being of thordis. When you raped thordis, you are talking about the moment she was barely conscious. What made you do it . I made no intent to hurt. There was no maliciousness in trying to re inhabit my 18 year old self that night. From what i found, there was an attitude, when a boy goes out partying with his girlfriend that he is entitled to sex. Of course it wasnt sex and i took that attitude to a very dark place. In being involved in this, i understand this is a pervasive issue and its happening Behind Closed Doors and i would like to be not be complicit in the continuation of that. Because you were the one that reached out to tom through e mail and the idea that as a rape victim, an e mail from the perpetrator might pop up in your inbox is horrific. If it happened the other way around, what would your reaction have been . I dont know, that is not how things unfolded. To make things clear, were not putting this form forward as a formula, that people should be contacting each other. That is not what we suggest. Were just offering our story in the hope that this will do a number of things. To shift the focus from the survivor, whose behaviour has long been subject to scrutiny, which contributes to this victim blaming culture, and shift that focus on to the perpetrator, where the responsibility lies. And were also hoping to dismantle The Monster Myth. That it is, as i said before, this unknown armed assailant, because The Monster Myth hurts survivors. It makes it less likely that they will be believed when they come forth with their stories if their perpetrator does not conform to that misconception. Which very few actually do. So those are our hopes in what this could potentially achieve, this conversation we offer. And you call this a conversation, the offering of a story. There will be people watching this willjust say, you should be injail, you should not be getting any publicity or any reward, monetary or otherwise, from this and you should not be encouraging this sort of sanitisation of a crime . Yeah and to that i say, we live in a world where Sexual Violence is normalised and dismissed as locker room talk. Its not only a pervasive problem, but victim blaming is also very visible in all of this and those are things that i want to challenge because if a perpetrator steps forth and acknowledges not only the hurt he caused but underlines the need for responsibility to be taken so much more often. I mean, it should be taken in every case, but that in my mind is not sanitisation or normalisation, its the antidote to normalisation, it hurts and we need to make this stop. And youre prepared to go through life talking to people and saying, i have raped, i need forgiveness, that is what you have carved out for yourself . Yeah. Its a case of. I certainly recognise that i am being offered some reputable platforms, even being here tonight, and i dont seek to increase my bank balance. Any proceeds from this book will be going to charity, so i will not profit in any way. Im not seeking to ask for forgiveness or any kind of light from the Public Perception of this story. I have already been involved in conversations with men and i have seen an investment in wanting to discuss this issue. And if there is a Background Position for me to continue to be involved in those discussions, i cannot expect that but if that is available i will certainly be invested in those rooms and discussions. One question that comes. I know that the womens festival decided to move your talk. They decided it wasnt a suitable platform to have you there. Why would you approach womens festivals and groups when you want to be talking to mens clubs, going around australia and having this conversation . Are you doing that . To be honest, theres uncertainty in the future. One of the things that came from this, when it was released, the way it is framed as a womens issue. I have no right to demand much in this but this is a case of, i am pleased we still have a chance to speak outside of the festival, i am very grateful for that and the fact we still get to speak to a london audience. And youve explained that you want to remove the myth of the monster with the knife in rape, and you are very honest, when you meet in cape town, there is an attraction that comes back between you. I mean this is probably taboo stuff, to say you felt an attraction to the man who raped you. It wasnt such an attraction so much as an acknowledgement, that what we had wasntjust one night. That is where personal relationships, when violence comes into that dynamic, it becomes confusing and messy. But i identified him as somebody who caused me immeasurable pain but it was also somebody i had had happier moments with. It was a fitting recognition that they had to make because it was not a simple history. Do you see yourself as friends . Is this a friendship you offer . Absolutely not, we see ourselves as collaborators on a project that, yes, is focused on our personal history, but that extends beyond us because unfortunately this is a problem that touches the lives of so many people. Would you still send tom to jail if the statute of limitations had not run out . Yeah, it has run out for a long, long time ago now. Would i stilljail him . I think what weve done now is worked to the bottom of a very hurtful and painful history. And i think it has resulted in an understanding that i am not sure if incarceration would add much to. But im very much in favour of the criminal legal system and i very much want to make it clear that i am not preaching impunity in any way, but i am one of millions whose case fell through the cracks because they did not react immediately and when i did understand what happened to me it was not an option that was fruitful in any way. But i think that what we are doing now is of value and i think it could contribute to meaningful change and that is my wildest hope. Thank you very much. If youve been affected by any of the issues weve been talking about, details of organisations offering information and support with sexual abuse are available at bbc. Co. Uk actionline. Or you can call for free at any time to hear recorded information on 0800 077 077. Well put those numbers on our newsnight twitter feed if you want to find them later. That is all we have time for, but i will be back on monday. Have a good weekend. Good night. It is that time of year when the days are getting longer, the sunshine is getting stronger too. In the middle of March The Sunshiny sets strong as in september. Where we have had the sunshine, for insta nce we have had the sunshine, for instance on thursday, we had temperatures of 17. 5 around london. Where we get more cloud, temperatures stop back at about 13 degrees. That was the top temperature on friday. The variation in temperatures will continue through the week ahead. Where we have sunshiny could be up in the high teens at times. Where the cloud sticks, four or five degrees cooler. On saturday there is a front draped across the north. A fairly weak cold front here. It will bring some rain and cloudy conditions across parts of scotland, then pushing further south across Northern England and a few splashes of rain here. Across much of england and wales a dry day on saturday. Plenty of sunshine in the south and this is where we have the south and this is where we have the highest temperatures. Up to 18 degrees. Dry and bright weather returning to Northern Ireland and scotland, where we could have temperatures of12 scotland, where we could have temperatures of 12 13. Moving into sunday, this Weather Front starts to prep up. Sunday, this Weather Front starts to prep up. The rain becomes heavier and we have another front moving from the west. One way or another many of us start sunday with cloud, rain and it will be pretty mild under the blanket of cloud. Through the day on sunday a different feel compared to saturday. The wet weather clearing eastwards through the day, but lingering for east anglia and the south east. 10 12 degrees. Returning to sunnier conditions from the west later. For the new working week, High Pressure sitting out towards the south west of the uk. That will build and dominate weather through much of the week ahead. Monday looks like a dry day. Variable cloud. Where we have the sunshine thats where we have temperatures to the mid teens. 14 16 degrees. Slightly cooler around where the cloud ingots, but most places looking dry. I tuesday a bit of rain and a brisk wind at times in Northern Ireland and parts of scotland. Elsewhere, we avoid the rain. Another predominantly dry day and again temperatures up in the mid teens. Thats how the middle of the week is shaping up. We have areas of low pressure in the north atlantic, situated around iceland. Trying to exert its influence on the uk. The early part of next week we have the high city to the south west and we have this drawing in the south westerly winds. Sitting to the south west. Later on next week we have the influence of low pressure sitting around iceland, but it will call in a westerly airflow, so it will call in a westerly airflow, so temperatures through the latter pa rt so temperatures through the latter part of the working week will drift down. In the next week it looks like we have a return to these more south westerly winds. Temperatures on the rise as we head through the last pa rt on the rise as we head through the last part of next week into next weekend. So as we move through the next weekend generally the mild fiend continues and it will be predominantly dry, with High Pressure the main influence. Sunshine around, but some windier and wetter conditions on the cards at times, especially towards the north west, with the driest weather in the south east. Thats it and we will update you again tomorrow. Welcome to bbc news. Our top stories in mosul thousands of trapped as forces close in on Islamic State militants. Our correspondent speak to those who managed to escape. We got our freedom but it cost us a lot, i lost my house, my children were injured. Donald trump speaks to the Palestinian Leader and invites him to the white house. The deadly effect of ebola on gorilla population. And the pitfalls of life television. The moment a guest is upstaged by his children right here on bbc news