This is b.b.c. Radio one Xtra. Creator. It's 3 o'clock Spike Milligan's post-apocalyptic the realist comic tale the bed sitting room stars Paul Martin Catherine Tate and Derek Jakob the next Nick both comedy series about a childish adult still living with his busy man dry slopes is it for later we've topical satire in the form of a patchwork audio tapestry with submissions from the public and produced by John Holmes the skewer is at half past 5. First broadcast in 28000 to mark the centenary of Spike Milligan's birth his and John entre buses 960 s. a Post-apocalyptic surrealist play we worked by John entrepreneur and Paul Martin with an all star cast including Derek Jacobe a Catherine Tate and Bernard Cribbins this is the bad sitting room and Corey Corfield is in the right funny old mood this is the remains of b.b.c. Radio 4 the time is just coming up to 11 o'clock b. B. B. B. . B. B. B. . Here is the news. The Prime Minister David Cameron of no fixed politics made a statement to the house in which he said on this the 3rd anniversary of the nuclear misunderstanding which led to the 3rd world war and it's no idle boast when I remind you that this was the shortest world war on record 2 minutes 28 seconds including the signing of the peace treaty which is now on sale at Her Majesty's Stationery Office with a free t. Shirt I flew her immediately and was greeted on the steps of Number 10 by Mr Vladimir Putin who invited me I must tell you there followed some very hard bargaining and we finally fixed the rent of Number 10 at an undisclosed figure of $5000.00 pounds a week plus a job for my wife on a 0 hours contract and very grateful we are to. And here is tonight's result West Bromwich Albion obliterate his us now extinct. P.r. Drop. That sound if it be a photograph of a pool party might holler years off. Hey I don't care who all you kept. Is this pile of rubble your residue not all of it I've just got the upper debris and I see 2 good splendid advice to come and see and certainly Which part of me would you like to see it preferably only one at a time if you go by a gentleman of the old school doing psychiatry both surplus on. The go who was never the blue over. Your feet got out of my own movie so I assumed you and everybody in the meeting to use I'm sure I got the right champion bike up to see Dr k. As advertised in the London Evening what to do Catholic propped up oh yes yes do come in please. Me. I come remember the last time I saw a roof yes yes yes Nevertheless we must be quite wild for oh radioactive rain looked beautiful this morning as it fell from the purple sky ruined by this happens to be the last why didn't you would hope I didn't quite catch your name card but God Scotsman. This called black my name's on the back damn city place to have it printed I'm sorry for the advertising that we have a look. Did you suffer working dri join a nuclear holocaust that wasn't your fault if so ring this number the other side. Owed your lot for the movie. I bought the title of one of them so drove. By Yes Step into the surgery with it would that be that porcelain boo it would. Do on this private plane how many people. No I mean do you want it privately on the National Health yes I do privately on the national let's have you up on the couch because. It's a long time since I've seen you it's pretty comfortable. There's a limit to what I will do will go as far as that. Now then started to get in tell me my paternal and sister. Has failed to meet. With the 1st crux of course he was a tall man with God used. These ways about even on Sundays they say he took a spot. Now. With Tim $66.00 during an attack of Coptic gadfly on the next. Go back that far Tell me something more recent recent to shore you you want something yes I do but if you must know who hit everything was going swimmingly until I'm. Terrible. Yes that's the one. St Jude didn't always keep you awake No I slept like a log. Oppressions when I came to I discovered a change in my surroundings as was my. Constitutional God and it took gold rubble nothing but rubble and some spoke Polish was. Standing outside stop waving a Union Jack and shouting new 4th runway for I could see his membership of the naps so I told him I'd ruther stiff let up on a piece of stiff cardboard to the times they put the new to me why don't you be to speak the head world waltz. Charles joy Ridge the head there you were the only one noted I fortunately I did manage to get there in time for disability pension to draw. Up since then I haven't eaten nothing why not just force yourself I can't afford to eat bread at 64 pounds per fight you know I was to see this signet ring I had this bit of Brit Munty this morning get beautifully cut doctor I'm here for a reason if you give me a prescription to alleviate malnutrition right 25 milligrams Bramley to soup 3 tablets a can chips there I want you to take this 3 times a day before meals and you could rest will make it up I don't want them to make your job I bolted for real real is asking too much these days but now is there anything else yes ever since they dropped this this. I've had the more fear. That I might turn into one big city. Takes it yes we've taken possession. To let me know how would you visualize yourself as this but sitting who gets Croxley a brick wall with brick wall paper but it appears that stick grading ball for the rich. And the communal cozy down the passage to be. Watertight you were lucky you would stick out for $500.00 pounds a week a push you might get $6500.00 pounds that buy these days to get to the point man I don't want to be a big city world you can't have a law to turning into that sort of we were open and be paralysed with the takings a reasonable view is put up a bit saying that 5 Look let's be practical Have you seen a good estate agent yes he was quite beautiful it but he refused to go with me. Until I become this blast a bit skeet didn't realize I do anything to stave off the prospect of becoming a big city hoping anything even even even. Well well lot for them I think we can do business all of the slaves. And all over the Skins very white to both my parents were white especially my father but you can get dressed again. I want you to start taking these and. He's a South American guy. I need to do that now pay attention this is most important you must take these 20 bit sit in room pills 6 a day one there we don't live where you have to be further out than I see there's somebody at the door if ease your door yes it's our turn to have the door and I have it on choose the evening from 7 to not. Your number 36 supposing somebody knocks on the door wanting number 39 then they'll have to come back on Thursday between 8 am and never mind that I wonder who we tease us so that now is it down a bit. It would spoil the surprise. Only one a charm here is shy of the Shard door is the other side of the door never mind what do you want traffic. Parky me. When I wrote you out a ticket why you talk here my look here dammit this is not a built up area and we're not prepping your rigid traffic mare you try on a marked Mar drop good for Cope you are older same. Age that your horse drawn bro was parked out there who wants to know may well listen to me there is a coconut shell sound effect while you still sharp park your car when I was there my. Gyal park where I'd like you tell me why we're doing that Russian Soviet communists I mean. There's a rumor that a Russian. Quick despite a Leica. I wish I could do that model from. We are already. Well known from our lunch break you're having luck. To break my. Arm off much video where the act. That agent who fish made history of the joke show you are obliged to allow that idea. That is all that often required of a grade 3 joke any at cherub to inflate h.q. Movie reported to be all foragers. Fluid go up in a war you. Around that it show Yanks have dropped the bomb oh leave you to judge. We're all there he grew us living proof that there. Are still for I have quite a lot that I wouldn't be able to look here don't worry too much about those big sitting room anxieties in these troubled times we can only imagine the worst. Doctor. I dropped to $3.00 and you must tell me I don't forget to take those pills don't forget to give them to me I. Got a guy a thank you. Can I say say how much will that be I don't think we'll enough to say that Dr. Is. Bringing home a small. And a small. Force. Of the drop to drop Well you know. Sit home yes they drop that 3 years ago it was in all the papers you know I did all the favorites was in the Stop Press who all the one people wanted was down it was done there. My good and son under the gun killed my cousin spoon consuls the couldn't get out of the shelter the dog was jumped sides but didn't want to get out 3 years I have been done and glad I was well stocked up with. Well knowing that I had to ask if we could light times mind you having all that was nearly my undoing I had to shoot 2 people trying to get into it the well who would pay my mother and my wife I'm sorry to hear of your loss so before this time nothing was in the Army. And what regiment would tell me the fishing Secrets Act what I could make of the Capt badge about the role of Household Cavalry whom you have to be a household the ticket in London to the household with just the the queen's household Buckingham Palace which alas was totally destroyed by the 1st to enable them I mean that's enough to make you Patsy. We don't sing that anymore we now sing God save Mrs Gladys croak of 137 Mafeking road of the few people left alive in England she is 60 in line to the fro and it's her turn to. Go and see. The. Little killed oh no no no Her Majesty and he signed a brace of pheasants are safe in Barclays Bank. Before so. They don't really know according to Twitter the Russians have. Dong the green or the wall but then the going to Facebook the Chinese are taking over the only who lost Oh we've lost it was the only decent thing to do my father was awfully upset about the whole affair he got radiation sickness you know privately of course and boob Mommy came in to me one morning said Punch that he's got radiation sickness you have to be put down. To do it 1st because permission from the Ministry of you. Became a wonderful sendoff. And we all went to the Ivy for lunch then we went to see the mousetrap on the news it oh yes finally we took daddy to the young conservatives come to supper and choose my moment I said Father your shoelaces undone my mother drew his sword and I don't have to go on doing. What happened. Over I hate so spoke the occasion when he saw what he'd done the police had in the gas oven that night hauled up and charitable he was sure to seen the gas bill they sent us. As long as they still got itself and exactly Well it's getting dark. Still doesn't it yes old traditions die hard sparrows still have telephone node only the balance of my watch orders the Bici 5 with the special introductory offer of the phone not in Yarmouk with the Duke of Edinburgh he was in a bank vault in Australia. Today like anybody else so giving my phone plugging along so no no no no. Demonstration model. What you're going to get when you going to get it give me that phone the bells are driving me. Give me that phone don't you now now oh few days already put me down or back you keep cool this could be important. Captain punches cack here Watson who is for you no no no no don't give it to me I don't want to become an addict Indianness of the wrong people Charlie farms are lethal weapon. Heard out there the American president speaking before breakfast and go and bomb a few countries to. No palm Yes of course. What do you mean it's difficult and I friendly from a style that cheesy once you've now you palm them there oh I. Say telephones me more of the only way to stop has to have them thanks very profound up and I get off to the lot of you then burn a few more books this year only way to keep. The bomb dropped right underneath it according to the Us $23.00 but it's wrong according to the lining of my pocket it's 10 pounds full. Time Damn you I said my pocket is Smalling by the trousers a big bad one not going to be dictated to by Wissmann stuff but in the circumstances I must go and make some alterations of my kilts. Good afternoon to you. Just a minute I'll just move much rouses Hello darling what are you doing movies to see . Oh you can't do that alone darling you haven't got enough jam jars. When we going to get married not yet dolling with doing so well testing these contraceptives for which. Yes but the money so good. The radiation not be all why. They have it blessed by a priest good well keep taking the hormone tablets it's bound to clear up. Of course I do you love you do. Bye bye Geoffrey. Must get these legs like for the winter. This is my birth certificate I had a packet of them somewhere. Good it's still going. That is good night time for my humiliation rub a punishment kept the feet of England metal piece of chalk to draw a white line read my body as I lay upon the floor. Right ready oh your Majesty Your Majesty I'm sorry we lost the war I'm sorry I found out you tried to catch the naughty bum before it hit the palace but if you remember one of you'll call these big mate and they didn't. Take Oh it's you oh Lord Fordham I was just in training to phone you what it's happened didn't you take the pills give me the address 29 culdesac price I'll be right over. And now listeners it's time to return to the ruins of home but this. Binding member of the b.b.c. Philip monocoque Istra but plume will be playing Beethoven's 5th Symphony rearranged the trumpet and skeleton. Yes it's March on for the door my your lucky I was is number 29 cul de sac place no Mary dash next door. Yeah Sujit modifiable which will do all I just need to be led down the street to visit someone with our trash it up bring it back and leave a deposit Norham our doorstep you doubt well you can have it but don't break it up for firewood Good heavens no thank you very much. This looks like it could be number 29 but what you. Allowed that he wanted to hug him good where you know where who is it it's be the captain punches cut b.c. And books for what's the books for the keep the v.c. In that age a compulsory grade true ministry of Hubert joke compulsory laughed off all our lives of the. Stump jokes over all Korea are we off there and what are you doing out there comedian keptin punches can you see in Vauxhall. Slip door it used to be my stomach sorry what took you so long talk to that's what you could never get here it's terrible news isn't it my address mentions 29 cul de sac terrorists I mean the bomb it could be ruthless adhered to not cut food show a little gratitude Lord for them it is quite central near the station who knows the trains might be running again one day yes all right it's no good complaining I've got to make the best of it I decided to rent myself out become a prostitute knew I'd fall too old for that Yuki you put a new juice in the window good a trick keep it sitting room with good sense of humor seeks like mighty good with a view of the gas works extra do eat and I've got a better oh I did last full measure. Personal Physician I feel obliged to keep a close eye on you look to avoid any complications but I'm going to do all moving with my well known feel. Then I'll be on the premises the look I'll. Read you b.p. Will take it off my medical fees it will save you paying for house visits do you do you see there on a new left I would do very well I feel. I could come lighter now nor for less of a look at you I'm just going to put on my stethoscope and listening to your you know Will. Relax and breathe in. And out. Now I'm going to open your trap door must you yes I must I want to see what's going on down there. What's the new stuff well it's brought in for they can feel another flow coming on that's not. Bad How could spread to become part. Calm down Lord. Look for them oh you might meet new well I wouldn't bother if I were you a fix I know but on light. The World War 3 reunion dinner cool sandwiches from the ranks champagne don't sing and sexual G.'s for the offices until the women are I've done white up Lord for the money back at dawn likely Radio one man 42 give me a great deal. Not much left of good nights. To see if they do and the time as coming up to 6 o'clock. Bong Bong Bong Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Good evening here is the news the heavy radiation of England is still causing a rise in property prices in the Greater London area simples cathedral has been successfully so to Mr Roman Abramovich who intends to pull it down and build a block of luxury self-contained same poles cathedral lets a remarkable trend in the landlord business is the skyrocketing of rents in Paddington since the discovery of a bed sitting room it's rumored to be fetching $5000.00 pounds a week for you. Care to make me a potential. It's been announced that next Boxing Day Arnold Schwarzenegger will wrestle his holiness the pope for the Sportsman of the Year title more news coming in on the radio active fallout suggests that strange mutations are taking place it's reported that a Japanese dry cleaner and Sunderland has turned into agenda Tomcat code Ned His wife has described his condition as satisfactory several unconfirmed reports of people turning into birds should be taken with a certain degree of. 7. That piece again should be taken with a certain degree of. Prices affecting matter to me. This could be another funky job become a man of property Oh I could be valuable. Like what if I caught him at now did you know at it how do you know I've been up this they're right nothing not then how could you go out there that isn't dead it was a good we didn't need all you do know who I rephrase that how would you like to been to room for 500 pounds of we what no Sankey you all I'm in enough trouble of these you know what happened to me last night thank God for that you can tell me bad my grandmother was proof for Saif well. Writing I should of up to one day. Was I am really weird that you know what this me you know what I know no good up for it I can put my top but like you. Will see happen when me Mrs grown quit doing the steps went boom the fit some bum dropped. From to it when I see Charing Cross station full on up in the air I decided you see the trains will be late tonight Justin I really like Carrie just or only. Oh she said it off come over oh Kitty I don't remember any move Oh. Oh why use decision man when it come to all remembered all rich I didn't want to. Be sitting down I didn't show up. Half. That's my own groove when this is stunning semen come in a blue maybe. He took to his flat. Lucy creek you see with me. Scott I'm glad you scrubs. On cue the new queen of England this time used to me to miss you screw your Majesty . Oh I wish I could get. It will be white for restocked Oh no you must remain here Your Majesty you may be off his wife but you on my inventory to wit. To know who your pot to buy for if you go all my position is 9 tenths of the war and 3 parts Negro crap. Don't fall. Short for mine by. Law I have a pleasant surprise for you I have my fiancé white and outside Miss Penelope Brown and she used to make pornographic films for near-sighted people so what I'm trying to say is she has nowhere to stay I'm cost of upon your mercy of course for $5.00 grand a week she can have the room and the Mercy you threw me in free fall as your psychiatrist I must strongly advise you against the taking of rent it could I give it your condition I tell you bluntly and I have to be shop with you now that rent once taken can have a telephone I'd hold in the victim you could even develop into a condition known among the working classes bleedin lend Lord who cared for him for peace you must control your rent yes here control rent control strictly for you fellows who. 6 for your condition is far worse than I thought I must move in before when collecting takes a hold of you couldn't room I put myself in your hands I'm dumb to your feet when I bring my fiance in I must ask you to remain silent and if you see. Anything that passes between complete love will try to control yourself Pontius Penelope I didn't recognize you with your clothes on. You put a pout along I'm employed by this parrot I mean the person assistant is the prime minister he's mutated all how distressing What a strange fight for a great statesman it's going to make it more difficult for him to negotiate better terms of Britain in Europe Keep your pecker up Sir it could be worse. Though he's got me convinced Darling is the vicar on his way yes starting then I'll just go and slip into an old wedding dress I think you better go behind a screen dialling you've seen me undress before and your fortnight in your condition I would suggest any color to be reckoned with and scaffolding don't even . Know your form please keep it quiet. You. 4 years to. Get old lovely weddings baptisms kept apprised confirmations time while you wait where it was instant when they came over here you got my message and punch us hello paunches Greetings from the church would like to quit before lunch calls I was ready to fulfill God's needs no man I offer you the new economic combine butting into both 7070 pounds and you get custody of the wedding cake so I can afford a divorce at the moment I think it might upset or of course later on when I heard in no go for the full unopened and excellent choice known as your instant bride ready Penelope I'm ready What a delightful wedding dress my eyes. It's all I could guess I'm afraid it's transparent I must have some of the wedding photographs now as a special favor I'm going to give you a new king size wedding with a flip top Bible Man you're never alone with one of these now will you both hold hands please no not. With each other good good letters in the good book. And the game keep our talker into the potting shed and later on the ground then with hands trembling he ripped out thin silk as I look here that's not the Lady Chatterley's Lover Yes I know but it's packing them in the church. If you prefer the old tweet said to me I think I can still recall it no then. Kept in part just can't take this 6 of the best attractive female woman to be your lawfully wedded wife I was expecting you to ask me that he just so happens that I do. Good to be Browning take this lawfully wedded sex maniac to be your. Do. You know that puts me out of the running. Door your partner Lapeer the well known fiance an Internet sensation from of the Jersey Shore consenting male adult a husband to love honor and obey him in sickness and in health in trial an ordeal until death do you part and all that. Is. Your mama look here damn you there's still some decency left Come on darling let's go to bed I haven't finished yet Hey I now pronounce you a man and. Thank your on your box set. Me. On your wedding day and get. Your bank. Darling we are alone last year what should we do. I Spy I might a law is somebody beginning with her you are welcome our shop are glad Oh I'm sure you know those who give for my misuse what is once more and of got the receipt in which you pick it up. Do it in Jew precut already in France that sell out now wears glasses. Have there you don't you. Be ashamed don't know what happened I got the newspaper cutting in from the London Evening Washington Catholic proverb quote Norwegian shaman strange cold hearted London doorway with 2nd hand chest of drawers when questioned by the constable he said I just had to be Asian 10 small pickled earrings and I wasn't feeling very Willow He claimed he was sailing from Glasgow to my drafts but unexpectedly Elba he accused the ship's captain of not knowing he's my drugs from a. Oh no I want to get oh you know there are no Rara on a.v.s. Stripped and vondish t. No charm our love. Won't help yourself with a little drone run shelf. Collar and. All the lol. This is they'll be a dry run. Cooler back in 10 minutes and one thing that your impression of a car leaves a lot to be desired You don't sound like a Bentley You sound more like a clapped out Morris Minor issue up and brought up so no. Need to introduce myself calls them towers Foreign Secretary who is when you think fall in love to be secretary of we don't know quite honestly I have Agent Dispatches from the prime minister. Thank you polluted and you forget in your my wife what are you doing in bed with another man Cause I'm sorry I've married again I thought you would date I waited teaser a 10 you did leave me yes but that was early this morning to go to what was I being terribly impatient really is all the way I'm bright. Sorts of see it like this I hope you're back to normal before the next referendum. Boris Johnson me to give you this it's a stuffing. George Osborne is carrying on a stipulate to his best again. Not that easy for him as a caucus. Is still no news as to who won the war. You see of table to missions. To the house. To address the nothing to do Committee I'm sure that can be arranged then we had better go together Come along then we're all. I had to flee. The radiation floating off the Thames brings a lump to my throat actually I should have that into. A. Pillow What is it now for heaven's sake this is my wedding night I've had enough of this interrupt this you know don't know about my oh you should what was she in charge of the British to chair into new last nuclear war yes. I was responsible for the delivery about the time and I'd like to have seen those Russkies faces when it arrived bad news made h.b. Return just said Hinge sufficient purged teach what I had been dispatched to Moscow the moment we got imminent warning rid of those Russkies didn't think we had the means of delivering the bomb they overlook the fact that we have the finest postal system in the world I just think show that bum cost of $500000000.00 pounds yes and the rest didn't spend an extra $85.00 pence on stamps yes it's the sort of stupid economy that the Ministry of Defense is known for put in the corner of the Senate somewhere else and puts on them sure. You know what. Program. They're. Good and green I'll do my best Thank you sir. And now on Radio 4 and a series of programs on the Armed Services went back to welcome to our underground studio kept in khaki Good evening and Brigadier fumbling group Good evening and also representing the ranks such a major Pracon break. Even before we get any fatter I'm sure the listeners will be interested to know that actually I'm talking to one passenger Yes I. Gotcha yes technically well to say is true as a result of cutbacks in the budget I am obliged to will seal their way is right. Drop the senior officers out there are the embodied into school every day appreciation on if I do I'll come back to you guys I thought are you know perhaps if I could and I mean we don't need the editing that ball for your kind of item that another of our cost cutting innovations that we will agree with any future enemy is still be in that we can find an enemy I'm sure they'll crop up sooner or later that each side will carry out an agreed to shed all of casualties at how those slavery dried expenses should a parent feel sorry thinkers are made I was about to say that there's no need to keep it to wrap it there is one thing I notice I don't like that I would you know watch my wife Deborah you say how he she was very much you got a job you say I love degrees are deeply into how the thirty's are like him my wife's abuse it all is carry on I mean I think it will be on my though who capacity if. It's not what is a priceless ego here it's in there and I want all of my love I love it I love. It yes and I'd like everyone to meet my needs in the middle of this is Lady Margaret spoonfed. But a pleasure to me to open. Busily engaged Thank you everybody I'm afraid we've run out of time listeners and it's getting a bit crowded in hands thanks to a split personality traumatise contributor So a very good night to you all. My shadow sure hope we can see it today we don't want to comment on. It then. It's my job wind up and they call Bush the dog. We don't want to let you know why. I rolled up. My ass to force one this week are serious you're there working class found out my anywhere near 29 culdesac placed your lucky. I'll just move the door over for you good and right 20 No not right not very good off your. Butt off you go then take this candidate you look like you need the knot just want to talk all right. General. Captain Pontius cock Yes but not necessarily in that order General Haig no relation Well I'm not man I'll pay attention here's what up to what Officer had numerous requests but at a time visit of World War 11 of the greats of the past I knew we hadn't heard the last of that old favorites he. Was. On. A train mom. They don't write was like that me more good than you'll help bring it back when I have no difficulty finding backers but it won't be without our benefactor as we used to better not go fistfights Now Captain Jack you might have heard of this new initiative as neither side can afford to go to war and be content that would be a terrible disappointment so exactly a good man so as a compromise both. Sides agreed to kill maim and wound their own soldiers just think you could be killed in the privacy of your own home free of charge it does seem that of the afternoon private Tommy Atkins his wife and his kids gathered round the teller watching the x. Ray factor suddenly a friendly Nakamoto enter wanting to with a Hello Tommy it's your turn bang bang down he goes happily touching his rifle and before he's even told Mrs Atkins is getting the pension and living happily with the r.s.m. It sounds too good to be true how much happier a world war one could have been. Where. Now where do you want to serve frontlines are everywhere as our frontline soldiers are in this war now catalogue of wounds. Here we are here's a nice one who did it to be our still fragment in Downer I don't like that it's rather all the ranks but he really can offer an officer Point taken How about the unit would it but took sort of throat shrapnel in the cowlick does lack if you don't mind me mention it's certainly right think the tar got here it I know what you want dignity yes simplicity here bullet wound in Temple by do it's fatal but with a possible specie that sounds marvelous to be a war hero I can't wait to tell the wife Penelope Yes darling it's my catalogue of wounds for the next war darling I've been offered I'm sure you'll love it bullet hole through Temple it's fatal but extremely fashionable it was all the rage of Flanders and it comes with a posthumous p.c. Darling I think it's very. I think we should go for it of splendid and you can always sell the medal later and go on that holiday you always dreamed. The. Great. Is. You know move. On. To yes nature. Doll in the sense of this a barbecue on Sunday the mayor of Hampstead will set fire to the last mound of war corpses on the thief this will conclude the government's 2 year burial plan yes see things are getting back to normal to think Penelope It's nearly 3 years since the war but investigations are still going on as to find out who won. The United Nations the British delicacy just that they join lots for it's not normal what it might be a shot in front of the wife 3 years I feel like this ready made anywhere you haven't even greeted and on top of that you want your wife brought you know you look where we at him didn't wait here so you got to get people to hate you call now we shouldn't cannibalism we've got to eat our way we've got to survive we can't go on living on grass on rats in those early days if we hadn't eat now dead would have all died in any case the minister of food is legalised it we've got to carry on keep it stiff upper lip that's what we're known for isn't it did is ready darling and what we got today that soufflé no surprise. Goodness me roast chicken No it's the prime minister Oh there's been a byelection I suppose Never mind dear we can let us perch to another bird Well shall I thank you. Lovely would you like is right wing darling. I don't think that's funny concious I used to work for him remember. I know did Tommy had this terrible thing happened he was asked to resign as prime ministers so he threw himself off his perms he left this note on the piano a flat Gado he must have suffered. Early were a child Oh. Well do you know it's the prime minister if you come in. No Harlow Well I would consider it my patriotic duty to have a lick expose about it join us less us oh God for these die gifts which we are about to receive and she no she doesn't believe that. Oh you are very. Prime Minister this is your foreign. You know according to the Minister of statistics the population of England now stands at 950 will soon have enough population for another war war that show you bloody up our Klaus ever think of your wall of war you don't go to guts to say so courage you now wish wrong so what does the warrior class do to our dicks conscience it invents a thing called a Ministry of Defense never called the Ministry of attack is it you're about worship heroes feel sorry for him for a change let's try being lovely cowards and live in peace look you simplistic working class twit you don't understand war brings out the best in people your class loves war and all glory war while many of your bank manager next year are captured with the Batmen and stuff card officers may get out you're not welcome here in our lives even might do we've Philly's the prime minister girl if I have to throw you out myself trigger capital or stands on very armed base live or die at my base loving aren't ever going to stop fighting or stop fighting over who's the best pacifist Sit down please both of you and your dinner before the radiation gets. Here that's atomic from morning great one more word. Come down quick tonight when we're for this stuff and you very much it's a good thing the ministry of human designed these radiation masks with a big red nose stuck in the middle and it squeaks Yes the old fashioned gas mask hit the dignity of the human face a true. In the hurly burly of post atomic livin put a blokes mouth on the top of his not well I Why will then when he's late for work he can put his breakfast under is at Anita don't know if it's good. Oh no what's going to become of a song I will just have to keep going. Because we're British Damn you we always keep going Richard stand you know me 3 members of Parliament for doctors and teachers no population 874700 of them with radiation sickness we're all right no proper grub uncovered in these soldiers there's no hope man is finished and we are so far it you've got no right to demoralize us I could report you to the ministry of humor for failing to be a cheerful chirpy company chappie and you try saying that when you get a man for the prime minister we do in the best we can being human Penelope is taking the last of the milk and feeding the little. Addition to the family. Yes. We. Do use radio sure Marsh Joe years because you asked me there were jokes I meant to be a joke to help us cope with moments like these you better go give her a cut all night and I cite over you fingertips out there right or. Cheer up darlin we can always have another one now we've discovered what causes them can't we jump Yeah. Cheer up Garri no need to let that problem will go to worst how Drake got for your little Look look he's got the hang of it just like our son why don't we have dealt him to punk double the g.p.u. Me like is but his self darling he's 1st words to self oh this isn't working I dunno what to do to comfort her you see he was our 1st child all right 1st monster 'd last. Going to miss him spose i will to steal him age of 8 on Sunday not this time might come on pop it Cheer up I tell you what let's count out me that's a good guy nice nice nice to have tonight it comes let's count on least what do we get every night the same total to each You must be patient darling in these difficult times have got to make our own into tame and currently Robin saw in me for 18 months rather than let him out into this. Come on Dolly we're only human Well we are Robin Eve is just well I dunno what he was I know what he looks he was more precious baby. He was the only thing I cared for in this filthy insane dying stinking super is a ship a Mother's Love knows no bounds it all went wrong you know with abilities Jenny needed to radiation radiation if you were where you true going for your sham or on a day Charlotte's of course which department I thought sportswear own son lambs this year or you got a few bob much got a bit salted away they got nice plastic grass at Harrods we went after Easter Robin used. Robin you used to love that piece. Grew up. Or are our karma for your classmates Myanmar Mrs s. To be satisfied with the way God or afford it what brought Bobo the co-op My commiserations here talking of grass I was walking through our purpose morning and the workman web page and all the trees black for the winter and they were gettin over the plastic should you know drove ready for the spring that. Yeah sure Coast you know that but there never be as good as real snowdrops still there better than nothing you know a bridge made these scientists I split the atom they got to the moon they destroyed civilization and none of the Clever bastards know out America's road. Radiation of our. Own. And now before the news here is the shipping forecast Thames dug a German bite poison light to moderate moving east Roll Call a man in his party's feral a south pole radiation clearing for 3 North Sea good. Steady as he goes McGregor by Henri skipper pushed a spell ago and taught all abundance fairy cotton The weather has set fans for the passengers enjoying the cool air Love in the entertainment we're providing Right then I invite you all to take your partners for the captain's invitation won't see . Me I have the pleasure of isn't. I'm surprised you can find pleasure in any fashion contests are you enjoying the trip are not I'm Adam Yauch nature and I'm not satisfied in the brochure he shares spun showing. The plane sunk since we left if you will travel on the cheap in the 1st plastic The sun is shining at the rate of $25.00 pounds and I. I say cut to the rest of the passengers know all of the passengers but big to inform you of the radiation sickness just left the sole survivors of the human race for 0 risk of eventually succumbed to the trip to. The atom so 100 proof is some systems we have to suck up to this all food cuffs on a simple civilization we must through assume the divine mercy of the oh my do you propose. To shave he's a holy man what he must be he's going on a bit let there be a winning message. Of God and the rubbing of the our shoes robot and sisters into your head I say he's not going to follow. You. Poppy the day of judgment does that and they just called Jesus come door judge just good God who raised a jolly good fan love God got bogged down for a major social issue no quiet New Labor Scott wait a minute you don't sound like God You sound like someone I know you go through to impress both the good from the good folk deaf but really do your usual alluded to me are you always just in the show or working with dogs shall you be at all give up bait I fear still give me back my believing. In the fullness of time the fruits of the ships will be added unto you and where you land fair trade you trade to I think that's a very fair offer no to the extreme radiation in the simplest you'll have to weed out a step or shoot the kingdom of heaven on earth in number 20 denying coup de sac priests patting to get most of our Lord out surely reside in married kingdom but being a purely not been ready to fight if I wasn't so weak why should be needs that isn't the voice of God That's Lord for the well known. Sitting Room blasts fame around not just a thing that strike you didn't destroy the other you believe but you're forcing me to defend myself remember from your current current fuel showing hold last remember long for them as your doctor I must strongly advise against playing God and warn you that as a citizen tenant I have right. By well you a cheat because you are between me and the bass Prima standards sorry to cut your. Stuff I say. I think. The Sun. Has come back to. This whole world and sound and health. Look. The sun's coming. Mission a new day marriage. The bed sitting room is written by John traverse and Spike Milligan and adapted to radio by John entrepeneurs and Paul Merton started Derek Jacobe. Bernard Cribbins Catherine Tate Duncan was being fought Kynan. Richard and Cory Caulfield music was composed by Gerry peel that was directed by Sam Michel the producer was Victoria Lloyd it was a b.b.c. Comedy production the b.b.c. Radio 4. You know drama after the weekend a beautiful wealthy Australian marries into the English aristocracy but this edition of the order is changing Julie at all be stars in Lucinda Brayford by Martin That's on Monday at 10 and again at 3. Coming up on b.b.c. Radio 4 extra. Today I received a new directive from Judge who regarding Nazi parachutists they have come up with some useful advice which we should all carefully note make sure you know under him when he hits the ground that a wall. Is very important now judge who says that there is a danger that Home Guard units might confuse British pilots who have had to bail out with actual German parachute troops so to avoid confusion a good point to remember is the fact of no British plane contains more than 6 men especially off that I've jumped out especially after the walk up. Doesn't matter for liberty so he's a judge cool therefore suggests that if you see a bunch of parachute just floating down you cover them and if they're more than 6 you shoot them in the air. With many supposing they dressed as nuns do still count I'm. Going to. Count them however the dress would you know to me to interject at this point of the discussion as a person I think is I think very much so I just wanted to say that it's really having a simple as the nuns float done. Because their habits to rise to reason we have to see their legs and then we can tell if they're real nuns or not. Yes very good point well that's it look at their legs. Could look at nuns they are very impolite. I'm sorry got to just have to force yourself I mean this is the.
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