The first fur coat was. Yes, there was earflaps and in general , earflaps from novosibirsk this is actually my hat, in which i wore fur coats at home in winter, and the shorts and underpants of the tim company are ordinary. I just folded it on the elastic band, it was written dim, well , the company folded it, but the coat is still about or im roughing the coat, and the boots are straight. You were talking about boots, too, and there was no point in buying them. You see these, you have this turtleneck you still dont know about these genre boots. Its not the military who have already found these car accessories, but these are ordinary underpants. I dont try moth, im scared to death to think, yes, just like that, yes, this is from the polish magazine ladosich, and what is this luxurious image that we sewed, these are those pants that with victor tsoi are arabic, this is golf club on mosfilmovskaya and you also had leather gloves embroidered with something you embroidered yourself back then. Well, of course, well, help. Someone else from the ballet needs a jacket for me. You definitely brought a jacket. Where did you bring it from . Yes, even there were suede boots. I also made these brooches on the sides of the boots. Well, it was great, i even knew that we were having a party. I knew my mother on german. I even have a letter from warsaw somewhere. In general, they lived modestly and were not rich. Its a pity that they didnt know, so i knew my husband , my son, anna german, and now my mother. The weather, uh, bakes alive, like an athlete constantly playing sports there. And this continuation is going on, theres some kind of sparkle right on it. This is a scary photo. Shes just very were sitting close, its probably good that i have oily skin, because i didnt do any Plastic Surgery or anything. Wrinkles, because the skin is oily. I had a cosmetologist. She now lives in another country and you are 85 years old. She was always on Kalininsky Prospekt again arbat now, uh, orlovas love was engaged in cosmetology. That is, such a story was understood on the stairs so that no one would find out, i had more wind or a hat pulled on it, and so that it would pass and we continue our dive into the nineties. A tell us more besides the clothes. What status symbols there were, then pagers, mobile phones, limousines began to appear, which were very often rented even on new years, when you were working several concerts. I specially rented a limousine for new year. Yes , you need a car to accommodate the dancers and so on. Everything was filmed in style, whether you needed a museum or not, they turned around on it. Yes, as usual, we stopped in the courtyards and wrote something, this is the club, why is he not driving up anywhere, to any club, well, it was it was fashionable, in short, it was that mobile phone pagers, well , you said that the guys gave you a mobile saw when i was lost in moscow, where the beginning of my career began, and then the guys gave me this heavy piece of garbage. This one. I didnt know how to call it, to be honest, but i knew there was a separate thing there, a separate thing with a handle. Heres the thing with the pen. And heres some other wire like this, lord, i could only answer. When i didnt know how to type, then why am i generally not friendly with technology, my phone was still ironic today. It was the same unrealistically cool. That is, if a person with this huge handset, in order to make a call, you had to do everything. This is some kind of male bullshit, in order to seem cooler, they cut off these some kind of tubes from the phone and radio. Just like that, adding, like, like, this isnt a radio, they turned it around to face you and carried it around, as if it was a radio, remember, the radio takes it, but you dont remember from the car, so as not to steal it. I remember the whiteness of the windows, of course, this is the time in cars, right . This is not about me, i didnt buy such things for show off, im a practical person. And what did you buy for showoff, only clothes were motorola first, but i take it very calmly there are, uh, artists who want to show you off. Here i am, here i am, if i have nothing to protect myself from, i just know my worth. I know that i can come and sing. And how to conquer others, and they what car did you drive . Something did something there. Well, you know, like this collective farm some sergei, what is fashion for you in general. Well, you know, there is such an expression meets the youth according to the mind, but i want to say that well, yes, this is an expression of fashion. This is a beautiful fashion, but you understand. There are two more things it can be fashionable, and it can be stylish. Lets say there are a lot of young people now. Here they come, white sneakers, black pants, wide white shirts. When i was driving to you today, i was thinking about what i dont want to go in, like everyone else. It wasnt me who somehow changed all this, lets say. Now many things, lets say, are not in stores, but i find places where they sell , uh, silk. Uh, some other things. I didnt go there, pipe summer shirts, because i didnt i can walk, tshirt. I think that this is all kind of sloppy, like some kind of dirt. I love these silk shirts , beautiful, good smelling and well , to be with someone is beautiful, i probably dont know, besides filming a beautiful suit, its unusual to dress in life. Yes, im in it, yes, and this is it , it cost some crazy five at that time, in my opinion, five no. No, now ill say in the center. Yes, yes, i have it too, yes , i remember exactly 5,000 euros, its a corset, a skirt and, uh, well, a coat, do you still have it . This is all now simply the coolest thing you can have in your wardrobe. I dont know, in short, we were fashionable. So ill tell you, i had a shu. We were counting for a moment. You know what year 94. I remember exactly who remembered when well, because in the ninetyfifth place with you. And thats all dulce havana. You see here, this is where its beautiful. Speaking of which, leather is also very fashionable. And lama is lama, yes, this is grass, i went to paris specifically for shopping, and bought myself enough things. And so we had in radison, the eternal girl herbs nineties. It was simply prosperous. So what to do . The fact is that im really very much alone with my dad, and he loved me, he earned enough and spoiled me. In the literal sense, yes, this one or cher is your favorite, my photograph for my entire career, this is a gorgeous photo shoot. She well, they just built it, the only plastic crossing is this one, and on the second day, when it was opened, we went there and filmed in a red background, says blizzards. Luna by the way, its my birthday. Its my birthday. Yes, good for a birthday. This for a moment, god is tired of guests. Congratulations, congratulations, we survived the nineties, so we are not afraid of anything. Yes thanks a lot. Yes thank you. Today we made an incredible, vibrant journey to the nineties, watch us on the first website and stay trendy. School as a stress for parents and children, how to actually cope, how to properly adapt children to first grade . Well, moms too, to all classes at once , our todays expert knows what we are talking about, he is the father of your children, he is a family psychologist ph. D. Andrey berovsky. Hello. Andrey hello anastasia, congratulations on the start of the school year. Thanks a lot. As i understand it, this is not your first parenting experience; this is not your first time sending you to school. Yes, thats right, i have two children and my eldest daughter is already in sixth grade, so first grade. Ive already passed. I already have some experience in this matter, and this year, this year, and this year my youngest daughter is going to first grade. And in general. Actually. I came to you on the show exactly in order to possibly get some hints. Yes, live this experience again, because as i understand it, it will be a little different, based on what kind of younger daughter they are because they are very different from the older one, and the younger one is very emotional. She takes everything to heart and sometimes even, if we were at some birth events, for example, when emotions are overwhelming. Yes, even if these are positive emotions, and in the evening, and very often this happens to her, what she needs. Here, uh, what filled it up during the day, and to unload this too hmm usually happens in the form of some kind of hysterics, and, well, absolutely out of the blue. And actually hmm, because when a child goes to school, his life completely changes. Yes, that is, a certain routine appears, and the load on the child is great , emotional, mental, including, yes, and, in addition, my children also do additional sports, such as sports acrobatics. That is, this load will also be in the evening. Yes, our work is different, so hmm well, how can you make sure that the child is your youngest girl . No, its the eldest one she just went to first grade, that s when the photo was taken, and this is the youngest, the girls are already cool, they re doing sports acrobatics, and what are you worried about, but im generally worried about it. These are the possible evening hysterics. That is, their probability. Yes, uh, how balanced she will be. Yes, how much it will be. Her calm emotional background worries me very much. Well , actually mine too, because, well, the burden is heavy on the parents, too, yes, even despite the fact that, for example, i have an eldest daughter. Shes already in sixth grade, though. I still supervise some lessons. Yes, there is something to send from some parent chats and to her for some information yes, which she cannot receive from other sources, except for what i control. Well, because im involved in raising children, and besides, i also have a job. Yes appeared from this year in connection with the newly revealed marital status. Yes, we can get divorced, that is, the child still has additional stress, but stress responsibility yes, they described it very vividly and very vitally. This is the state of that, here is the trembling , tremors, and so on of parents, uh, who work themselves out more than their children, winding up their children, and so on. Where does this fear of our Childs School come from . What is it . What will happen if my child comes with a bad mark, but you know, we are adults, having already gone through life. Uh, and in this case, here we have anastasia for the third time, it turns out she goes to the first grade herself, when, uh, the eldest daughter left, accordingly, its like im going to the first grade fourth time. We parents are very afraid that she will grab, say, threes. God forbid the School Year Starts in twos, the child forms a misconception about himself teacher, this will affect the future perception of the child by the teacher and the child. What is such a not very comfortable niche in the class, accordingly he will be graded as a c student or a d student, or what if the child there, say , has a mobile phone or there will be sneakers. And cheaper than someone else in the class, he will fall into the loser category there. Lets say, as by telephone. Lets now focus on the teacher, firstly. This is also a question for the teacher, which you see that the child comes unprepared or is bored or does not master the materials or is sitting under the desk with a book. This is actually a question for the teacher , have you interested the child enough, and it seems to me that it would be good for parents to be their childs lawyer in this situation, and he seems to be lacking some kind of selfconfidence and what are you doing instead to instead of being your childs advocate. We we think. How right is it for us, maybe we should buy curtains for the classroom, maybe we should write something, not something for the teacher, that is, well, we try to build a relationship with the teacher for the child, so that the teacher looks at us how diligent. What a wonderful helpful dad and would transfer such a positive attitude towards me to my child. It seems to me that its not very honest and not very useful, or im exaggerating. You need to understand that children still dont have the same social experience of adaptation that we have, and therefore, when parents try with my husband to soften the entry of my child into the classroom, when the child really can adapt for a very long time. What children . Of course , there should also be some kind of complicity of the parent in the teachers acceptance of the child, but unconditionally. Eh, its very important for the parent to stir up the child socially a little in this regard. This means that the child was not psychologically constrained while in class. Lets say your child is coming. First grade. Yes, i went to first grade and the situation happens somewhere a child goes to first grade as part of the children of his Kindergarten Group kindergarten, sometimes its familiar, sometimes its completely unfamiliar there. New school, for example, and in this regard, if the child is completely in the new school, your task, as a mother, is to get to know other mothers, because as a rule, the picture is the same, lets say. Mom is getting ready. E by the time it ends. There, the children are studying near the school , talking, your task is how mothers become sociable and met other mothers, including. Yes, accordingly , its not all about making friends between your child and your girl with other children. Children. Whats called the same active ones for the first even a month, sometimes even 2 months. Many children. They go to class lost, they dont remember whos name is, they havent played with anyone there yet , they havent been friends with anyone, because again, in a game in kindergarten, a child gets closer to each other faster in school games, no matter how. Yes, there arent a lot of toys there during recess, so in this regard, our loved ones task is to help the child get to know each other by name, at least there masha and lena seryozha with other children, already knit them to see that my mother is good he also communicates with another mother, whose child already has at least 23 Close Friends in his class. He will already be more comfortable than himself. He will not be shy at the board. He wont be afraid of the teacher there, because he will feel like hes in a small society. This is something that we can, of course, help our child adapt to school, and the child who goes to school runs to school, knowing that she has friends there from literally the first weeks of schooling; by the end of the first grade there, like this usually happens. He, of course feels more comfortable, and being comfortable with the child increases comfort for you ; you will be more willing to go to school. Yes, that is, not purely for lessons. Yes, namely in order to communicate. This is because of schools. We understand that psychology and pedagogy have such a concept, the leading type of activity for a child, it is still necessary. Lets be honest, but gaining knowledge is important, but for a child it is not the leading game or communication or child. Lets say. Here are your girls. There, the first years are still a game, then closer to the pallet age of 10 years and older communication is not knowledge. Unfortunately. We must understand this in this regard as well. And the faster we can make friends with other children, the more will remain. He already has time to gain knowledge. But here i would like to clarify, because sometimes it happens that the conflict is actually resolved within the class and then with the parents, the choice is either to take the child out of school, or to go to the director, or to go, and the director can support the teacher. Just based on Something Like that. Well, quasi pseudo professional solidarity and then you need to go higher and here the parents give up because they dont think. This is good. Ill go now and write with a stinger. Yes, im now trying to influence the situation, and then it will backfire on my child, especially if there is nowhere to transfer him. Heres how to correctly psychologically build tactics in a conflict situation. Well, you know, after all, uh, you know . That the School Administration is also a director or a teacher, they are not interested in the conflict developing, most often it is given, an anticry , some kind of compromise. Point that teacher, there changes something in their approach to a particular child, but parents also take their child, somewhere somewhere under greater control, so that the child better fulfills those standards, those standards that we are obliged to fulfill, like a schoolchild, proper negotiations. This is always a compromise, what is there, we hear you, you will hear us, and both of them take on some obligations. This is such a form of conversation, it usually ends positively, and in general , everyone is happy. But if we see some kind of, well, headon conflict situation, where you are absolutely absolutely sure that you are right as a mother, yes, then we must, of course, move on if the management of education. As a matter of fact, there are always city halls, that is, there are people who are authorized to resolve the situation, because in fact, of course, i dont really like, as a psychologist , transferring children from school to school, because in fact, any transfer is quite difficult, like a story. Eh, moreover, lyam, many people there, as a rule, know, they can go with the school with the school, why there was a conflict the situation there between parents there and, say , teachers or School Administration somewhere will also be tense. And i will add this. It seems to me that here, uh, in any case, its a losing situation from the childs position, because either the child perceives the situation that i lost and therefore we have no other choice. How can i translate it, or is it adding up to some kind of yes, i came in, right . I wanted to and i was transferred to normal manipulation. Yes, of course, but these are teenagers. Yes, a psychologist. Eh, of course, i dont like translations. I understand translations are necessary transfer only when there is a conflict within the class, when the child has become an outcast , when the bullying is so open, when a large number of classmates are involved, that is, it is already difficult for the teacher to correct this. In fact, if this is a changeable person, and for the most part it is sane people who clean up, let s still treat them with understanding. It is important to reach an agreement so that no one simply relies on the principle that there will be. Discussion platform my name is Natalya Loseva i am our journalist today expert family psychologist doctor of science andrei zberovsky, and our heroine anastasia with whom we are talking about school, how stress there are some other things that confused me in anastasias story. I would like to discuss this with you, friends, when anastasia spoke about her eldest daughter. I heard two things that alarmed me. The first is anastasias control over her daughter, who is already 12 years old, and the second is the pain of parenthood of our time. This is a parent chat. Lets talk about control first. Until what time class you need to do homework with your child until what class you need to go into the electronic diary and look, it means that the child has been assigned. Yes, yes, parents are starting to find out. Parents are starting to send each other, so messages in instant messengers, what were they asking us today . E in history. It happens very often. Yes, not childrens parents. Well, you know, i hmm, of course, for trust in the child, but you need to understand that the child during his teenage period did not consider coping with this trust, so our parental control. Then what about the childs academic performance, and has everything been done there . At home, naturally, for the next lesson we still have to do this, that is, in this regard, i am a supporter of control, it should be soft. This should be control that is not offensive to the child. Yes, when we do not doubt, it is impossible even to rely on you, so that these rights do not sound, as if, yes, after all, we must control. He says that to control, but to praise, every successful homework done there , every successful a should not remain underestimated, because unfortunately, yes, thats some kind of expression. Yes, thats it the problem of parents, unfortunately, it has always existed and will exist, and for a long time we are in the fact that we take fours and fives for granted and nothing. As it were, twos and threes, of course, evoke negative emotions in us. As a result, the child, uh, gradually develops an association with school and communicating with mom and dad only through negativity, because we only react to negativity, so ill emphasize this idea. We must give a reaction to any grades, including four and fives. Dont take it for granted but say it. Oh, what a fine fellow you are, what a you are doing great our words go away. Well done. They better hold the child accountable, and accordingly reduce our need for further control, so there should be control, but not only for the purpose of identifying these same two, which but from the goal of praising them, reacting directly to them , honestly, takes anger. Thats when you look at this electronic diary. You see this three there, you think, yes, if there are two, the types of reinforcements are positive and negative, right . Of course, thats why im a theorist, of course, yes, because as a practice, of course, too i react. In general, its stormy for bad ratings. This is true, but in theory you understand what is needed. We should praise a b, even if we understand that this is a b in physical education and is against a c. E in mathematics for an a, all the more praise. But for a c for a d, you need to understand and help and understand , i emphasize, not immediately from the position, there are accusations. There is hatred and irritation , so lets see what was difficult there. Listen, well, its not that difficult. In fact, lets solve 12 equations on the right or one or two similar problems, as it were we will decide, that is, we must still try to look for ways out. Listen, what do you think, maybe well try to hire a tutor for a tutoring lesson, because they all always have enough time. Yes . If yes, i understand that we ourselves cannot help, then of course tutors are especially now our online time. This is a serious argument and many parents, of course, take advantage of this and i dont see any negative in it, because again, if the parents do not have enough patience. And time after all parents can also be very different, but what to do with children lessons. There is also simply a lack of ability, because it can be much more difficult to explain than to do it yourself. And therefore very often it turns out that the parent, instead of explaining to the child, he simply does not know how to do it himself , ill decide to take it, yes, or money just like that do it. Like this. Why do it like this and we make things bad for the child. Heres a little life hack. Yes, these are the situations of those parents, uh, who , lets say, have free time during the day, well , lets say, now, again, many parents are there, but they work remotely or your schedule allows some to be alone at home. The main thing is because the main problem is the lessons. This is because parents try to help the child do homework or do it together in the evening, when the parents are already tired during the day, when the child has already forgotten a lot, the childs memory is not that long, so i advise. If possible, be a child at home during the day, at least there. Try to practice every day so that you do your homework immediately after coming home from school, as if, of course, the child there we will feed him hungry, give him 15 minutes to rest, but its better to do the lessons right away while the child is still involved in the educational process by inertia, when he has not yet forgotten how it would be, yes. If there is such an opportunity, and again, when i come home, i still say that it is better to do my homework right away, and then have dinner. Even if not everyone is there at six, but its already eight nine, but they decided to immediately hand over the deadlines, because when the parents came, they ate there, rested, and fell asleep on the 8th day. And then there are lessons for you, thats when it happens. The most important. This is how we choose the time for lessons as early as possible, as far as this allows, this is a life hack that his tired parents have. If this is possible, in general, its still the parents. Now lets talk about the finale. It seems to me that this is the source of neuroses, uh, and others. E. And there are many of these chats, even if the child has one chat with his parents purely, and some of them are the teacher, and there are very few parent chats, as far as i know, in which it is possible to hold such an even constructive discussion. Yes very the position of the teacher and the position of the School Administration often slide down, because school chats are now, of course, a huge problem, because as a psychologist. During the school year, i see there almost every week, not just some kind of conflicts between parents, insults. Yes, it comes to fighting, as if the threats were fatal, the daddies are fighting and it comes to the point of criminality in that difficult stories come to light, so it is very important for me. In this case, uh, i try when working with parents, dear parents. You agree, uh, with the teacher, your class teacher, the School Administration, that there are strict standards of behavior . In the chat , no one discusses anyone personally on topics not related to the school, no one rolls away, there are certain strict boundaries when we are just touching on lessons. Here is the topic, here are the essays and nothing more, donate money for graduation, please for the second grade. Sorry yes, thats why it is very important that teachers and School Administrators do not lose control chat, because as soon as they lose the dominant one will appear mommy, dominant female, dominant male, who will be there. As a matter of fact, there will already be threats and pressure, which is weak. And that you are poor people there begins and in this situation children, as a rule, get involved in this story and the child feels there that we are poorer there than others in the class. Or vice versa , richer. I can behave arrogantly in class or towards parents. It is very important for a healthy core of parents to agree to receive support for the student. Let the Administration Control it. I think its absolutely necessary be. You know, where is, uh, the class teacher to say that everything else, please inform me individually. And here is my advice to you as a mother, that it is advisable that you still make one or two or Three Friends in the class so that in some difficult situations, and you have an agreed position that your children will again be such a core of friendship among themselves, and in this regard, well, i understand that the life of a child. It doesnt just happen at school. If you can, again, as a mother of two or three children, make friends and work with them there after schools sometimes take a walk together, two or three children go together, respectively, to the cinema there on weekends there for some siamese together. This gives the child a feeling of comfort in the classroom and you, like mine, will be calmer, and again you will be less upset and send your child to school as a safe, comfortable place for yourself. This all matters too. I always recommend these meetings. I advise you to come sometimes , at least guchili, to get to know him personally, because the teacher actually always treats him well when he calls specifically parents. Not with a hitandrun. Not with pressure. Just hello. Im right there , heres my phone number. If anything, keep in mind that, again, there are some nuances there, like a child in this regard, when i sort out the stories of, uh, a childs discomfort at school, i am always the questioner. Do you even know the teacher . Uh, there they often dont know the subject teacher, in general, it seems, but such difficulties arise that we dont even understand with whom the child communicates, so the involvement of the parent in school. Let them be reasonable, of course. Within the knowledge of at least what the director looks like. What a teacher looks like, and allows the parent to take the school more seriously, and a serious relationship between the parents and the school creates a serious relationship between the child and the school, so control reminds us that, returning to the issue of control, there should be control, but it should be correct , soft, friendly and emphasize the positive. After all, the carrot still works better than the stick. Well, i dont know at 107, how are you, but somehow i feel better. Andrey built some correct one like this internal strategy. Yes, you can picture yes , the picture doesnt look so catastrophic , such unorthodox friends. Today we talked about school as stress for both parents and children, and our todays expert is a doctor of sciences psychologist, a family psychologist. Andrey sberovsky. He showed us a different perspective and a different strategy for approaching school and building relationships from school. This is a psychic podcast. And you can watch all podcasts on the First Channel website 1tv. Ru