Listen up, sluts: it's me, Elinor Jones, bringing you another Trash Report despite the fact that Al Gore's internet is full of SALES, SALES, SALES, and all I want to do is SPENDDDDDD MONEYYYYYYY! Every time I fire up my laptop I accidentally do zero work but buy four sweaters; science can't actually explain it; I'm gonna look so awesome when I get fired from everything. Let's go ahead and ride out my posting access...