A story thats bigger than just access to technology thats impacting sexuality it might be related to changes that have happened in Sex Education in the broader culture about how we feel about sex what our Sexual Attitudes are and so its kind of hard to isolate out specific factors and say the way that theyre impacting sex and sexuality because so many things have changed in the last 2 decades its not just the introduction of these various technologies a lot of other things have happened as well so when a sexual urge is so easily satisfy it with pornography and maybe coupled with a sex toy does it blunt your desire to go out and try to meet people and look up with them. So technology a lot of people tend to look at it as a replacement for human sexual interaction. However the way that i and many other sex researchers look at it is that its a compliment to an active sex life rather than a replacement for human sexual interaction so people are increasingly incorporating toys and technology into their sex lives but that doesnt mean that they no longer want human social and sexual interactions so i think were adding these into our sex lives but were not necessarily counting them as sex so if you look at some of the questions when you ask people how often they have sex they might not be counting some of these interactions that incorporate Technology Just because they dont meet the traditional definitions of sex whereas so with sex robots being like this thing already i no doubt Getting Better with time with the wii arch acknowledging what will happen to virtual sex in the coming decades i mean why would we so this guy or anything in real life if the virtual experience will be completely immersive and maybe even better. So thats one of the things where we really need data and research to be able to answer how thats going to impact our sex lives we know that the technology as you mentioned is Getting Better the Virtual Reality is Getting Better and more realistic. However we dont know if people are actually going to perceive that is superior to a human sexual interaction there are certain things that you get out of a Human Interaction that you might not be able to get out of an interaction with a robot or with Virtual Reality technology and i think where these technologies are useful for our sex lives is that they might allow us to engage in different ways with our sexual fantasies and so they can allow us to try things out test things out that we might not otherwise be able to try or might not otherwise feel comfortable trying in the real world so its something that i think provides avenues for sexual exploration but i dont think its actually going to replace human sexual interactions because that Human Connection is something that people crave and long for and want and you cant really get that with a robot or with these other technologies so sex can be more fun there is excitement about it like when theres obstacles to overcome and the attraction is Strong Enough to overcome them is valid be a lady of sex making it boring. So its true that when there are obstacles or if there is some perceived scarcity that that does seem to make something more sexually exciting or attractive so for example people who are perceived as less available we tend to be more attracted to them because that illusion of scarcity makes them more arousing work citing were exotic in some way and so that actually kind of. Goes back to your previous question about the Virtual Reality in the robots once those things become more widespread everything becomes very easy right there are no longer any obstacles right and so that could be one of the reasons why they might not ever be quite as appealing as the human sexual interaction is because it just makes it too easy and people tend to be attracted to situations to people where there are those obstacles where there is that allusion of scarcity they want to work a little bit for it because it seems to enhance the arousal factor. And also like sex for the longest time has the mark of success or reward for creative scheveningen and now with new generations the paradigm is shifted and sex is not as important of a statue symbol as it used to be am i right. That sex is less of a status symbol than it used to be. Thats an interesting question i havent seen any research that can sort of directly speak to that but i understand what youre saying in the sense that people may view it as less of in achievement than they did in the past however i cant think of any specific studies off the top of my head that really speak to that or in terms of what the impact of that might actually be right now well i mean the whole me too Movement Really just speaks for itself to start with but then looking on and on about how that paradigm has changed they sure have sex in general. Yes and the meter movement has had this very big impact on the way that people approach and think about sex and dating and i think its had an impact in the sense that men in particular are more hesitant to look at sex as a conquests or as an achievement. Because. Its related to these power differentials that exist that are linked to Sexual Harassment sexual her assaults and abuse and so forth and so i think people are much more careful and cognizant to approach sex on more equal terms where theres a level Playing Field to ensure that everything is consensual and that sex is mutually enjoyable we also see that there is much more emphasis being placed on mutual pleasure and mutual orgasm and sex much has been said and written about the orgasm gap or the idea that heterosexual men are much more likely to reach orgasm during sex then after a sexual women are and a lot of attention is being paid to closing that gap to ensure that everyone is experiencing mutual pleasure in these encounters we still have a ways to go in terms of getting there but people are taking it more seriously than they did in the past so sex once again used to come as a result of courtship right but falling in love jane lee or playing a clever game at a bar has the aspect of sex change within me to you and redefine what is acceptable behavior for men i mean if i go to america can i expect men to shit on me in a bar still. Yes but men are more hesitant in some degrees about the way that they approach sex and the way that they approach women so some men are more cautious about this than they used to be to ensure that. People that they might be approaching in say a bar setting are comfortable with the their approach or with their interaction now the complicating factor is that a lot of these interactions take place in bars in other settings were alcohol is being consumed and we know that alcohol changes the way that people think and process information and process risks and so. In these situations where alcohol is being consumed. You might not have as much care and concern for the way that things are approached just because when people are drunk or a need for hated that changes their ability to process risks and to think carefully about things i mean its a good thing or a bad thing but like just on top of my hand like i think count at least half of my friends and there are a lot of them who have become couples after having met in a bar or pretty much tipsy and i know a lot of families have started it its not like a healthy thing but their relationship has started after being tipsy you know so i dont know if its a good thing or a bad thing but i dont know that that should completely be taken away from that equation of you know attraction and making things is it because when people think logically and assess all the risks probably they would be much less couples and families well less what i think personally what do you think. Sure and i think its important to recognize that alcohol is an aphrodisiac when its consumed in small quantities it enhances sexual desire it reduces sexual inhibitions it can give people some degree of confidence that they might not otherwise feel to approach someone that they wouldnt otherwise approach and so what youre saying is right in that its a social lubricant of sorts that they can help to facilitate relationships and sexual interactions and so there is a potential positive upside there of Alcohol Consumption when its consumed in small quantities the concern and problem is when people start to become very in need for united because then that can start to blur the lines of. Consent and what point do people lose the ability to consent when theyre consuming alcohol or other substances so this is where we need to talk about alcohol in terms of the dosage effect when its consumed in small quantities it can be this aphrodesiac but when it starts to be consumed in large quantities and people are been drinking then there are lots of potential negative consequences there for our sex lives right just so were going to take a short break right now take and hold your thought there because going to continue talking about that when were back talking to social psychologist justin leno theyre discussing the way to acknowledge it has transformed our communications romantic relations and sex life stay with us. Im going to fulfill the repeated purposes of politics to the people i promise to be you know its all pots to. Be. Pretty. Pretty rare. Now you want to 1st correct that. No. Ball. Cut. The liberal Corporate Media are fickle they fall in and out of love quickly and often not long ago they were infatuated with being wrong wrong now youre smitten by me or the media love to drone on about their preferences in the mean time the voters keep their candidates. The holder doctrine eric holder former attorney general under obama this is the idea that banks are systemically important they cant be prosecuted because this would be a danger to the society as a whole whats remarkable is that this idea has bled over into other industries so now boeing has a major scandal on a stand that is claiming that a systemic way important in the law doesnt apply to other Agricultural Companies are saying now were systemically important were above the law that is leading to bionic laptop or see this becoming i think its a stock or c. Is the right word its ruled by the least qualified are now in charge of running the economy and results are obviously catastrophic. And were back with social psychologist Justin Len Miller talking about nature of human sexuality all right justin so you have written a book on sexual fantasies of real americans tell me what you want and based on what you have found out is that there is some Common Thread binding all the different fantasies together some kind of a universal saying that we all crave and sex is that right. So for this book i surveyed more than 4000 americans from all 50 states about their favorite sexual fantasies of all time as well as hundreds of People Places and things that they might have ever fantasized about and what i found was that there is a lot of commonality in the things that people are fantasizing about so for example some of the Common Threads involve themes of novelty so doing something that is new and different for you human beings are are titillated by novelties when it comes to sex because we grow bored of sexual routines very easily and so our fantasies are often about breaking free of those routines and for example having sex in new positions or in different places and settings another big theme in our fantasies is breaking sexual taboos so doing something that youre not supposed to do we all have restrictions that are placed on our sex lives in certain ways things that were told we cant or shouldnt do and we know in psychology that the more people are told that they cant or shouldnt do something whether its sexual or otherwise the more it makes them want to do it so trying new things violating taboos are some of the most common and pervasive elements in our sexual fantasies so fantasies and poor and they go hand in hand but i just wonder are our sexual fantasies shaped by porn or just porn only enact what we are already have in our minds reflecting what we actually want. Thats something that i explored in this research was to look at what is the connection between pornography and sexual fantasy. And one of the questions i asked people was where they think their favorite fantasy of all time comes from and it was about one in 10 previous friends who said that their favorite fantasy stemmed directly from something they saw in pornography which tells us that porn can influence our fantasies to a degree if youre seeing new things in pornography that can shape what it is that turns you on when it comes to sex however our fantasies are very complex and theyre not just about the porn that were exposed to theyre also saved by our previous Sexual Experiences and history is theyre shaped by our culture they are shaped by other Media Exposure there are lots of different factors that play a role there also our personalities are important too in terms of what turns us on now in terms of looking at the other direction between pornography and sexual fantasy we see that the vast majority of people say that they go to porn as a way of vicariously they bring out their sexual fantasies so more often than not people are going to porn to sort of live out or express their fantasies in a way but there is also that bi directional relationship where we might see something in porn that comes back and influences our fantasy content you know an age old story is losing the flame and you had it you got together it burned for a while and when 20 years later you dont want to have sex with your spouse anymore and that is why people cheat right so its a growing trend of open relationship or polyamory if you want going to sort of replace cheating in coming decades or is a passing thing. So cheating is something that is very common and it has been common when you look historically a lot of people find but not in me to be very difficult to sustain over long periods of time and we know that as humans are living longer if you are in a long term relationship youre potentially. With that person for several decades and so maintaining an active and exciting sex life with that same person for such a long period of time can be very challenging because people have that strong need for novelty and newness and excitement when it comes to sex and so that is why a lot of people go out and cheat its a way of sort of adding in that novelty and excitement to their sex life however we have seen this growing acceptance of what we call consensual non monogamy where people are having sex they open relationships or theyre trying things like swinging where theyre swapping partners with other married couples or theyre engaged in polyamory where they have multiple loving and romantic relationships at the same time there are different forms this can take and what we see is that there is this growing openness to having some type of consensually nonmonogamous relationship and so Going Forward i suspect that were going to see increases in the number of people who are practicing consensual number naga may however i dont know that thats eventually going to become the norm and if it does i dont think it would be for a very long time because when you ask people what they want in a relationship the majority of people still say that what they want is a monogamous relationship they want that one person to be with to spend and build their life with so i think were going to see increases in open relationships but i dont think its going to replace monogamy given the strong desire that people are expressing for monogamous relationship that i mean i mean even if you. Or someone for a long time in your sex life has gotten boring often times you still dont want to share your partner with someone else i mean just the thought oh it makes you go crazy manner which i dont think i could ever do could you ever share your significant other with someone else so a lot of people feel jealous at the prospect of their partner even expressing interest in someone else or when somebody else expresses interest in their partner so this is something that i think for a lot of people is a very foreign concept to consider the idea of an open relationship because jealousy would come in and create a lot of turmoil and conflicts however what ive seen in some of my research on polyamorous relationships is that some people dont seem to experience the emotion of jealousy for whatever reason and instead they experience an emotion that has been termed comparators and which is sometimes described as the opposite of jealousy and so when they see their partner being intimate with someone else instead of feeling threatened by that they feel joy or pleasure or excitement so not everybody seems to experience jealousy it seems to be this individual difference and so i think whether people are well suited for monogamy or consensual number not to me really depends on just how jealous of a person they tend to be so great the time when we all Start Talking about sex freely was the sixtys really right the Counter Culture and the sexual revolution which was like a reaction to a very conservative time that came before that could mean now that people are just tired of living inside a sexual revolution all the time and they want to chill out a bit so like the pendulum a sort of swim back from permissiveness to her straight. You know i get where youre saying there but if you look at the trajectory of Sexual Attitudes in the United States we see that they actually continue to become more liberal and so for example if you look at the Gallup Organization and their polls that they conduct every year on Sexual Attitudes we see that they are the most liberal on record right now in terms of acceptance of things like sex outside of marriage or acceptance of homosexuality and same sex relationships and so there there is this trend toward. More liberal Sexual Attitudes and that also extends to acceptance of sexually open relationships the question of whether well reach a peak at some point and switch back toward more conservative attitudes. And empirical question you know i think we need to track this for longer to see what eventually happens we know that in the United States in particular it is a very diverse country in terms of Sexual Attitudes and its very regional in terms of how sexually liberal what is so you know when you look at the overall trend that doesnt necessarily reflect the trends from state to state and area to area theres a lot of diversity in variability there but theres still like a general trend and that that can be sort of observed and its funny how just around the time when were finally starting to have calm conversations about sex or sensible conversations about sex and were starting to sort of lose interest in it. Should we make it like the forbidden fruit again and then you know everyone will want to piece one more time. Yeah and so what youre saying there is some evidence that there is you know a growing conservative movement in terms of the way that people are thinking about approaching sex for example there is the antiporn movement and the anti masturbation movement where people are being told that masturbating is unhealthy that watching porn is unhealthy and theyre encouraging people to. Engage in those sorts of behaviors in fact there are some states in the us that have declared pornography to be a Public Health crisis and you have some people who are talking about the way that this is damaging relationships and all of these other sorts of things so you know on the one hand you have people who are. You know espousing a return to more traditional sexual values but on the other hand if you look at the broader cultural trend. People are becoming more sexually liberal and so there is this tension that does exist there and we dont know exactly where thats going to go in the future right justin thanks so much for this wonderful insight its been really a pleasure talking to you were talking to social psychologist Justin Remillard discussing how our perception of sex and romantic relationships have changed over the past decades i guess thats it for this edition. You know world of big partners. A lot and conspiracy its time to wake up to dig deeper to hit the stories that Mainstream Media refuses to tell more than ever we need to be smart we need to stop slamming the door on the bad and shouting past each other its time for Critical Thinking its time to fight for the middle for the truth the time is now for watching closely watching the hawks. Lovely can go to mexico on the banks of the palm tree slang among the chattering special guest with us today alex petroff see i. 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