Last modified on Sun 14 Mar 2021 10.37 EDT
As a Bafta- and Olivier-winning cultural innovator, described by the
Times as “the world’s greatest living standup” and by the
Scotsman as having helped set “the new gold standard for rockumentaries”, I was invited last week to address a parliamentary select committee meeting on “the statue problem”. The culture secretary, Oliver Dowden, dabbed his two lips with felt and spoke first.
“Love them or loathe them, and everyone’s feelings deserve equal respect, slave traders are part of our history,” Dowden began. “The government does not support the removal of statues or other similar objects like paintings or a rude puppet. History is ridden with moral complexity and all sorts of fat kings with different names. Statues were created by generations with different understandings of right and wrong. Some represent figures who have done things we would not defend today. You could probably have a statue of the Phantom of the Opera, from that brilliant play, as you can’t see what colour his face is anyway,” Dowden continued, suddenly more animated. “He could have a blue bloody face for all we know! Or green! Ha! What about when the chandelier falls down? I never saw that coming! Brilliant!” Dowden put away his notes, lapped Bovril thirstily from a cat’s bowl on the desk in front of him and invited me to read my prepared statement.