Feels like everywhere i walk, even if its just down the street, it feels like im being watched. And i know teenagers always feel like that. Like ugh, everyone hates me, the world is trying to kill me or all this other stuff. But it really feels like someones trying to chase after me and it really feels like i need to stay hidden. upbeat music upbeat music continues hi. Good morning, honey. Youre doing okay on time, but you do need to get up and at em. Love you. Growing up, i always wanted to be like a little boy. Me and my dad or me and my mom would go to a place that i have my hair cut super short, be more masculine or at least tomboyish clothes, and id get like misgendered and say like, oh hi sir, how are you today young man . Like that sort of thing. And i remember smiling so big. I started to really understand things probably around seventh grade by literally just googling what does it mean when youre a girl but you really want to be a boy thats not called being a tomboy . Extra, extra good behavior. Goodbye mom. Bye baby, i love you. You feel good about tonight . [noah] no. Just text me if i need to come get you. And the house might be showing this week, but im not sure. So ill let you know. The sooner we get it out there, the sooner itll sell. [noah] im gonna do my geometry exam today just to finish it up. Thats the retake, right . [noah] yeah, sorta. Are you ready . Did you study . [noah] like right after i came out to my mom, it was a very clear shift. She was like, okay, lets find out all the things. Lets go to all the doctors about this. Lets find out whats happening in the community and what we can do to get a support system. Love you bud. [noah] and thats when we learned about the just awful, awful mess that was going on. [reporter] the Human Rights Campaign says texas has introduced more anti lgbtq legislation than any other state this year. [reporter] senate bill focused on Transgender Athletes move forward. [reporter] this is a priority piece of legislation for governor abbott. Its already failed three times before. [reporter] lawmakers initially passed a controversial Bill Banning Hormone Therapy for trans children. You need to be at an age you understand what that physical change is gonna look like and do going forward. [reporter] latest in the political culture wars and once again the epicenter is texas. no audio no audio the battle for essentially noahs right to exist as a trans person in the state of texas has been absolutely devastating on me. I have gained easily 70 pounds in the last year and a half. I have a hard time sleeping. For the first time in my life, it is very, very scary. What im putting together right now is what some families call a stakeholder. And this looks different for every family, but for us, printouts of medications and immunization records. For me its just a Peace Of Mind collection of documents to just make sure that i feel mentally organized should a Child Protective Services officer ever come and wanna talk to us. Weve amassed all of these letters of support from friends, from neighbors, from doctors, from pastors, from people that know us and know that we love our kid. So here is a letter from a very dear friend, amy. I could go on and on about katie and noah, but the bottom line is ive never seen a deeper love between mother and son or a woman who works harder to support, provide for, and demonstrate love to her family. Im so sorry. If you investigate her, this is what you will find. I beg of you. Dont waste your time and resources when there are other worthy challenges to attend to. Honestly, it feels like a weird betrayal. At school its really scary. I am very afraid of getting called into the Principals Office to talk to cps. I guess the most scary thing of all is losing that medical system that we can have, losing flow of testosterone, prescriptions. Everythings just been this huge Domino Effect where everything gets worse and worse and worse. Slowly everythings crumbling around me. Weve curated this constellation of care around noah when it comes to his pediatrician, his endocrinologist, his therapist, his psychiatrist. The stakes are so high, the rates of depression, the rates of suicide with trans kids. Once they start receiving gender affirming care, those rates drop so dramatically. gentle music [noah] see this big one right over here . Right there. [noah] im talking about this one. Look at that one. Hes just relaxing. Look, a butterfly. What really got us to the point of we must move, we need to make plans now is when our gender affirming medical care at texas Childrens Hospital was paused indefinitely. That told me everything that i needed to about really exceptional professionals like our medical team having their hands tied. Now its since we started, but even in those weeks where we sat in that really uncomfortable pause, i mean that was it and that was it. It feels like more and more of a certainty that texas is not a place to call home. [noah] how did i get dirty while trying to clean her . Jamie is so young and he doesnt fully grasp it yet. At some point in his life, hell understand, hell know the story, hell understand our motivations. Its just really, really big life altering decisions that we have to make almost in real time. [jamie] the tornados actually clouds that its made out. I mean, yeah, its this wind vortex. I love drawing and i love painting and watercoloring. What does that spell . Bunny, bunny. Very specifically because theres just a lot of emotions in my head and being able to express them whether its just with the color that im using or the brush, i can just be in my bubble for a little while. I can be in my bubble for hours and not stop being entertained. After the tornado, i want you to draw venom. Venom . Yeah. We always knew that noah was sort of a rugged tomboy. He was understanding that things were different between him and all of these other girls that were being called girls and looked at as girls. Family Cheering happy birthday. Thank you. gentle music come over and give me a hand. I loved him before i even knew him, i called him my little bunny. Katie and i figured out that we were not exactly compatible. We separated when he was about seven, but i never wanted to not be close to noah. I remember when he was five or six running around saying my name is fire boy. And i couldnt really understand everything that was defined by that necessarily at the time. Its always been kind of wild and happy. Being a teenager now hes of course gotten a little bit more shy and reserved. So what do you think . You want me to kick your butt at some injustice . Yes. Just knowing whats going on in a general sense is stressful and frightening enough. The way i deal with it is mostly making sure that noah is as comfortable and happy as he can be right now. No yes good game. Gg. There is a better way to manage diabetes. The dexcom g7 continuous Glucose Monitoring system eliminates painful finger sticks, helps lower a1c, and its covered by medicare. Before using the dexcom g7, i was really frustrated. All of that Finger Pricking and all that pain, my a1c was still stuck. Before dexcom g7, i couldnt enjoy a single meal. I was always trying to outguess my glucose, and it was awful. Before dexcom g7, my diabetes was out of control because i was tired, not having the energy to do the things that i wanted to do. female announcer dexcom g7 is a small, easytouse wearable that sends your Glucose Numbers to your phone or dexcom receiver without painful finger sticks. The arrow shows the direction your glucose is heading up, down, or steady and because dexcom g7 is the most accurate cgm, you can make better decisions about food, medication, and activity in the moment. It can even alert you before you go too low or when youre high. Oh, the fun is absolutely back. After dexcom g7, i can on the spot figure out what im gonna eat and how its going to affect my glucose when a friend calls and says, hey, lets go to breakfast, i can get excited again. earl after using the dexcom g7, my diabetes, it doesnt slow me down at all. I lead line dancing three times a week, i exercise, and im just living a great life now. Its so easy to use. It has given me confidence and control, everything i need is right there on my phone. earl the dexcom g7 is so small, so easy to use, and its very discreet. dr. Aaron king if you have diabetes, getting on dexcom is the single most important thing you can do. david within months, my a1c went down, thats 6. 9. donna at my last checkup, my a1c was 5. 9. female announcer dexcom is the number one recommended cgm brand and offers 24 7 tech support, so call now to get started. Youll talk to a real person. Dont wait, this one short call could change your life. bright music loving this pay bump on our allowance. Wonder where mom and dad got the extra money . Maybe they won the lottery . Maybe they inherited a fortune . Maybe buried treasure . Maybe it fell off a truck . Or maybe they switched to Xfinity Mobile the fastest mobile service. Save hundreds a year over tmobile, at t and verizon. Now i can buy that electric scooter. Im starting a Private Equity Fund that specializes in midcap. You do you. Switch to Xfinity Mobile today. [interviewer] katie interview number two, take one. Weve had some more ups and sdowns since last we talked. Ay. Lets see here. The state of texas will restart its abuse investigations into families with trans kids. The statement, while not addressing the investigations into medical treatments for trans youth, and directly indicated that these probes will now continue. A dfps spokesman did not comment when asked if the agency plans to continue investigating such treatments as child abuse. So clear as mud as usual. Good girl. This news coming at us like little mini tsunamis again and again and again. And this is like a typical morning where i just read through total hell and confusion. I try to make sense of it and then i get to start my day job. Its such a waste of my time. Its not because noah is worth every single second of my time and every bit of my energy, but i wish that i could be pouring that in in a different way in his life. Like this is not a great way to start the day. The idea of colorado is like, its such a hot and cold, exciting and scary and sad idea all at once. What were looking at now is just trying to grapple with that very harsh emotional reality that we are now headed into the unknown. Its tough. I really dont wanna cry today. Im so sorry. Im so tired. I wanna be resilient and i wanna be strong. Im just so tired. gentle music Gentle Music Continues i overthink a lot. Like a lot. Its all i can do some days where like school, schools a really hard thing in general and sometimes i feel like the best i can do is just show up to my class. So its a lot of Anxiety Attacks and the world just kind of starts spinning. Its a daily occurrence where i need to rush to the Nurses Office either to get some quiet space or to just sit there in a room by myself and just be able to breathe for a second. I think theyre happening because its just hitting and setting in way more every day that im just leaving absolutely everything. These are my friends and my family and my people. Gentle Music Fades we are just going through this tape. I found this place on facebook. We really lucked out, a place exactly where we wanna be with the right number of bedrooms where i can work from home, room for the pets, a backyard. I love that you get your own space. [noah] im totally okay with that. Theres a Pancake Place down the street. [noah] thats the best part right there. The denver biscuit company. I hear they have Cinnamon Rolls that are like this big. Like that one that we got in san antonio. Better be good, otherwise this move was for nothing. Thats it. It all hinges on this one spot. Were going to somewhere else. Is it pink . I think its pink. The office of course. [noah] youre gonna give me the office that was my birthday present . Im going to allow you to steal kathy and kim which is not your birthday present isnt it moms though . Look, dont go bringing all your silly little questions into this. Adventure time. Is that deadpool . [noah] thats the one thats on netflix now. Hes the trans gay guy. Theres a lot with his mom not loving him. Aw, well thats rough. Hey, at least you dont have that problem. If anything, your mom loves you too much, right . Theres no such thing as too much for katie. Thats correct. Shes like michael scott. When people love and fear me, i want people to be afraid of how much they love me. I am definitely afraid of how much i love her. So we are looking at a really special notebook. It was, i think the year, it must have been, it was 2019 when we started it and it said just between us, mother Daughter Journal at the time. Thats where we were. I thought that wrong. This is it. This is the one. So the question prompt on this one was what it would be like if i were a mom. Its funny because i start off with just a heads up, not going to answer this question. All right. So i said sometimes when i see you doing well at everything, parenting, school, work, et cetera, i just feel like im letting you down when my grades or assignments come home because youre doing so awesome. Another thing ive been wanting to say really bad lately or ask is if you could start calling me noah. I finally feel comfortable in my own skin being called noah and identifying myself as male. Mama, i know im still figuring this life thing out. Im sorry that i havent told you face to face. I just didnt know how to put this into words or out loud, with that, im going to bed, signing out on 11 11 19 and i said sweet baby, i will call you anything that you want me to. Please be patient with me as i get used to this little but big shift. You as a person human being are so hugely important to me. You are who i care about. Not whatever way i need to call you. And then i cried a lot. I want you to be the very best person you can be. And i know that can be a journey, but its a journey im so proud to see you brave enough to start. These three pages alone or worth way more than the 15. 95 i paid at barnes noble. Super bargain. We have a nacho libre reference down here. Yep. Nothing has changed. And this is the last that we ever wrote in this notebook because it was no longer the right notebook for us. Its like a messy decision. This idea to take a family from everything that theyve known. So were all dealing with it in our own ways. To the pride parade, first one ever. I was walking and i sprained my ankle. Thats it. Nothing too serious. Im just being forced to stay off of it forever apparently. All right, look alive because theres a lot of cars, okay . Hold my hand. So city hall is right there. Said its this one right here . Oh, its cute. 4783. Wow, wow, its so big. You ready to drive this bad boy . Yeah. Im gonna have to be. Its real. Its about to get even realer. Yep. All right, were gonna have a good time. Were doing it noah. indistinct on our left, what could be better . Ready for pride aw, are you embarrassed . A little bit. In the past when ive ever come up to people and theyve already known me as this person i was even when i started testosterone and even when i put my binder on and it was still very clear you see me as one thing and only this one thing. Oh, theres beto. applause [noah] im excited about not having to come out to people and just being able to introduce myself as what they see. Oh, thats awesome. upbeat music are we moving here on a permanent basis . Does the entire family follow . Very candidly, i think the decision has already been made for us. gentle music Gentle Music Continues walking, walking, walking. Next time you walk the dog with us, you might be looking at a mountain. All right, nico, congratulations. You are now road trip ready. I was fully expecting to start crying or something, but i havent yet. Like i want to cry, but im too tired to. Ive never been to denver before. All ive been hearing from people is that denver is such an amazing place. Like, oh man, you have to go. [katie] lets get this car turned on. I love you. Safe travels. Safe travels. Thanks. I love you. I love you too. Well talk about that in a minute, okay baby . I love you. Call me, let me know how you guys are doing. All right. You ready . Love you. You wanna kiss nico . I did, inside. Private moment. Gentle Music ContinuesGentle Music ContinuesGentle Music ContinuesGentle Music ContinuesGentle Music ContinuesGentle Music ContinuesGentle Music ContinuesGentle Music ContinuesGentle Music ContinuesGentle Music Fades out [bell dings] are you good . No, i think im late on my car insurance. Good thing the general gives you a break when you need it. Yeah, with flexible Payment Options to keep you covered. Just tag us in. Ouaaaahhhh [bell dings] for a great low rate, go with the general. I need it cool at night. You trying to ice me out of the bed . Ouaaaahhhh [bell dings] baby, only on game nights. You know you are retired right . Am i . Ya the queen sleep number c2 smart bed is now only 999. Plus free Home Delivery when you add a base shop now only at sleep number. Piano music gear clicks tense music gun fires siren blares