eventually invaded even our smallest towns leaving no part of our country untouched. covid took from us americans of every age, gender and race. ultimately it would exact a far greater toll on communities of color, but no group of americans has been spared. hey, everyone. i'm nicolle wallace. over the past year we've been honored to share with you the stories of some of those we have lost and to tell you about their lives, lives well-lived. their stories were all so beautifully unique, but they were united by two undeniable truths. they all ended too soon, and they each left behind an entire family or community for whom life would never be the same. for so many the losses exacerbated by how our loved ones died. in many cases alone or in the company of a devoted but exhausted nurse or doctor. many families have had to say good-bye forever on an ipad or a cell phone. the past year has been nothing short of a sweeping and historic american tragedy. so in a humble effort to honor those losses tonight we celebrate the lives of those we have lost and the families left behind. nbc's chris jansing who bravely shared the loss of her own aunt to covid starts us off. >> have a very, very great friday. >> bonnie would laugh if you called her a model but she was at christmas modeling her handmade lighted mask. early in the pandemic she started sewing masks to give away making 3,000 in all. a simple mission to protect others but in the end bonnie could not protect herself. >> i don't know that i've ever met anybody that didn't love bonnie. she is just a kind of person. she wasn't done doing her mission but someone else felt time for her. i got the vaccination on sunday and bonnie should have been there with me. she was this close. five weeks away from getting vaccinated. >> it's the devastating reality of covid-19. the funerals never held. the good-byes never said. the human touch never felt as they pass from this world, including susan braley, mother to seven adopted children, 300 foster kids, her florida home filled with love and laughter and lifer but in death without any of that family by her side. kayly dillard never got to hold her newborn baby morgan, dying of covid soon after giving birth. by late march 1,000 americans would be gone. by may, 100,000. many of them health care workers, especially nurses and people of color. er doctor frank gabrin died after texting about worries over a lack of ppe. victims on the front lines of an escalating war. 250,000 gone by november. including veterans who had survived foreign wars only to lose to this unseen enemy. like tuskegee airman theodore ted who stayed active until coronavirus hit and then died just shy of his 101st birthday. this rabbi was a hall cost survivor who saved 56 families lives, but coronavirus took him at 91. to endure such grief perhaps we rationalize, but they were old, but they had pre-existing conditions. in truth but for covid they'd likely still be with us. to teach, to rescue dogs, simply to love. dick and shirly of ohio had just celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary when they died minutes apart. margaret and jimmy shaw grew up together in georgia, eloped at 17 and stayed together for six decades. music lovers johnny lee and cathee peoples of north carolina together since they were teenagers died on the same day in the same icu room holding hands. and so much promise cut short. >> i know he's watching ever us now. i know he's probably dancing in heaven. >> towering baritone antoine hodge achieving a milestone on the stage in september. in february his extraordinary voice was silenced. >> he was my best friend, and it's still hard for me to accept the reality he won't be back. >> what would you want people to know about an continue? >> that he was a pure, kind soul. >> antoine was just 38. we've learned the hard way that covid doesn't spare the young or even the very young. kimmy linem had been a healthy, happy 9-year-old. 5-year-old skieler herbert was the only child of two first responders. >> we miss everything, just everything about her. >> 9-year-old jj was running around playing one morning, by the next day he was gone. about to start fourth grade. and a 13-year-old from missouri, his mom's little buddy. >> he was kind. he was funny. he was a jokester. >> how do you even begin to process this kind of loss? another 13-year-old named madeleine started a memorial quilt. one square made with a piece of ana carter's dress who was 13, too, when she was taken by covid. in california carla began folding origami cranes as a kind of therapy. thousands of them now suspended on copper wires. >> the origami crane is the symbol of carrying the soul into the heavens. these are representing the people we've lost, and they're flying together. so they are not alone, and we are not alone. >> and in a community garden in phoenix out of all this death comes life in the form of newly planted, providing a place to mourn, to contemplate and to celebrate lives well-lived. like these. ♪♪ >> may all your dreams come true and you live happily ever after. >> bonnie mccloud leaves five adoring grandchildren. to honor her memory 16-year-old ali is still making masks just like her nana taught her. what do you miss about her the most? >> just her hugs and time together. i look back now and i think of everything we got to do in the last months and because of the masks we worked together when i would have been so busy doing other things. instead we got to be here with each other. >> a shared legacy woven of cloth and thread and love. those masks are such a beautiful way for ali to remember her grandmother. and these cranes, carly started making them but then she got thousands of them from a teacher in north dakota, senior citizens in ohio, buddhist monks in tibet. it's such a powerful visual reminder of the enormity of what we've lost but also of peoples desire to come together to deal with that staggering loss. if there was one crane for every american who died of covid it would fill this space 42 times. and we don't have a handbook for how to deal with the enormity of that. so whether it's making a crane or making a mask or planting a tree or just telling a story, it's important, it's a way for people to move forward, a way to have hope and to feel they're not alone. >> chris jansing, thank you is wholly inadequate. bless you and thank you for being a part of this and with me. i'm grateful. >> thank you. this past year we've learned a lot about the power of human connection. both the isolation when we're forced to go without it and the importance of re-establishing connections through whatever means possible when we're hurting. one of the worst experiences of the last year has been endured by those who have experienced the loss of a loved one and have had to grieve in the time of lockdowns. martin adenson, he was living his dream of being a loving dad to his 2-year-old daughter and 6 month old son when he lost his month long battle with covid in april. his wife pamela remembers the laughter, remembers martin singing to their kids, his silly pun competitions, all the little things he did to make her and them feel special. inspired by a sympathy card she received from another mom pamela decided to create a facebook support group, young widowers and widowers of covid-19 now about 450 strong. the group offers healing, a place for grief and remembrance and the comfort that someone is always there. pamela's efforts touched laura when it was her time to grieve. laura says she felt instant loneliness when her husband died from covid on christmas eve at just 33 years old. their daughter had just turned 1 days before. the group has given laura support and advice. they've checked up on her frequently, and they helped her realize that it's okay sometimes to not be okay. pamela addison and laura join us now. pamela, tell me about before the loss. tell me about your husband as a father and a husband. >> he was just so full of life and had such a presence to him that i just truly miss. you saw in that video him rocking the two kids and the laughter he elicits from my daughter, it's empty now because he doesn't do that anymore. and just seeing that smile on his face that lit up his eyes because he was just living his dream, he just loved being a daddy. he loved being a husband. he would just do anything and everything for all of us. and i just totally miss that. he just brought laughter and fun into our lives, and it's definitely missing in our life now. >> how are you? >> i mean, i still have my good and bad days. it's quite the loss. i never expected to be a widow at 36. and just going through trying to figure out life and the new me because definitely has changed my life drastically. so i feel like i have my good days and my bad days and creating this group definitely has given me a lot of joy and hope because i know i'm helping others. >> where did you find that in your darkness time to dig down and create something to help others? where did that come from? >> i was doing a lot of writing and one of my pieces got pub learned on new jersey.com and i decided i would share it with other people because i wanted my story to be told, because i wasn't hearing a lot about younger people dieing and because my husband was young i thought i want to share my story and once i posted it on to several different covid groups on facebook, i couldn't believe how many comments i got that said, oh my goodness, that was my story. i thought i was alone. so a week after i did that i decided i would start this group because i did not think it was okay for someone to feel alone like that. >> laura, that spoke to you and your husband rigo was young, too. tell us about him. >> he was my gentle giant. he was a caring and loving man. he had a great personality and everyone gravitated to him. he was funny, sarcastic. he loved spending time with his family and friends. he had this just large, beautiful smile. and he always made sure to tell everyone how much he loved them at all-times. he was just excited to be a father. he had 11 beautiful months with his daughter. he just loved singing to her and making funny noises. and just was so eager to teach her so many beautiful things. >> how's she doing? >> she's a ball of joy. she is so much like him. loving, caring, everyone gravitates towards her. she is just a happy baby right now. >> how are you doing, mama? >> i'm hanging in there. i'm trying every day. >> you both have talked about you, laura, watching through a window. you, pamela, mouthed i love you before your husband got in an ambulance. can i ask you both just to talk about being unable to say good-bye? laura? >> that moment was probably the hardest experience of my life. watching from a window outside of his room. thankfully i had that opportunity to go to the hospital. but watching him, feeling that utter hopelessness and hopelessness. i couldn't do anything to save him. the doctors couldn't do anything anymore. and i just remember just tapping and hitting the window saying i'm sorry, i'm sorry they couldn't do anything. >> pamela -- and, pamela, this is the stark underbelly of grief, the last moments and you both so bravely shared them and what unites your group of 450 and growing. but you, too, had -- you had the final moment that you have shared, too, where you mouthed i love you. >> yeah. when he was coming down the steps of our house i was holding our son and i just mouthed i love you. not thinking that that was going to be the last time i saw him ever again. but i'm glad i had that moment because i did see him but for 26 days i didn't get to go to the hospital and hold his hand and that's all i wanted to do and i feel like that stolen good-bye is going to stick with me for the rest of my life because i wasn't there for him in his last moments. >> pamela, where in the process and in the sharing of the grief, where can people lift you up? what can people do? people want to help. what can people do? >> i feel like listen to us talk about what we're feeling. grief makes people uncomfortable but we need someone to listen and be there for us and i feel like that's the most valuable and not judging the grief saying, oh, i think you should be moving on but just listening and just not being judgmental. >> i think any opinions are squarely of both of you is heroes and i want to ask you the same question. what part of this, laura, can people on the outside do who can't imagine or fathom your grief? how can people sit with you? what can people do? >> it's a hard thing to answer because sometimes i just recognize that i have to get through every day. i think the biggest thing people did for me was to help me without asking me can i help you? they just did it. it took a lot to let others in and let others help. and like pamela mentioned listening without judging, listening without making it about you sometimes has been really helpful. >> i am in awe of you both. i'm so sorry for your loss and so grateful for letting us in and takes extraordinary courage and i thank you both for us. thank you so much. >> thank you. >> thank you. >> thank you both so much. we're going to remember all of our stories and everyone that we get to talk to and i hope it's clear they take a leap of faith by spending their time with us. on the other side of a quick break we are going to be joined by senator elizabeth warren who will talk about her personal loss as well as her hope for the future. we'll be right back. why walgreens? 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>> so my first memory of my brother is when i was 3 years old and he was 19. and we'd driven to oklahoma city. my mother and i had driven him up there, and he was headed off to the air force. and he was dashing. he was handsome, and he was ready for an adventure. and he was always somebody who was just out on the front edge. he flew b-52s for 20 years. spent off and on six years in vietnam. he was -- he loved to fly and he loved his family. i didn't have any sisters. i just had the three brothers, and he married when i was about 6 when he married nancy. and she was this dark haired just great petty coats and wonderful shoes, fabulous clothes. and she used to give me things that had been hers that she had worn. they were -- they were everything, and had these two adorable little boys. i spent summers with them at the air force base in austin, texas. i'd take their two little boys and we'd hang out at the swimming pool all afternoon while don reid was out flying planes and nancy was keeping everything going at home. they had it all. and then -- and then nancy died when shortly after don reid retired from the air force. and he was with two boys. and then the boys grew up, he lost a lot of his -- a lot of his smile then but he was tough. and eventually he found a woman who'd been marry before as well, and they were nice to each other. they were good to each other. they took care of each other. and judy and don reid were a good pair. and mostly what i did is we'd get together when i'd go back to oklahoma city and my brother john and my brother david, and bruce would come along my husband sometimes, and don reid. and the three boys would tell stories about what ornery kids they'd been, and we'd laugh and we'd talk about our folks. and he was a good man. he was a good man. we didn't agree on everything. he was a cranky republican. it was true. >> i know a few. >> you do. but we -- no matter how much we disagree we ended every phone conversation with -- he'd say i love you, sis. and i'd say i love you too, brother. and then he got sick. and this was in early 2020. he got pneumonia, and he went to the hospital. judy got him to the hospital and they wanted to put him in the hospital, and hen he started getting better. but he'd been weak because he'd been lying down for a long time. so the question was -- now, remember this was february 2020. we don't know what's around the corner. and he -- he was sick but he was getting much better and he was time to be discharged from the hospital, and his doctor said go to a rehab center. just a couple of weeks, get your strength back where they'll get you up and exercising more. he wanted to go home and be with judy. he wanted to go home. and i urged him to go to the rehab center. i wanted him to be strong. i didn't want to take a chance he might fall or hurt himself. so he went to the rehab center, and he'd done his work and he's ready to come home. now we're into march and into april, and he's ready. and we had it all setup. he's going home on a thursday. and my brother's david is going to pick him up, we're good. and i talk to him -- i'm talking to him pretty much every day, every day twice a day. and so he said they tested me and he said i tested for covid, but he said i feel fine. he says it's ridiculous. so i said okay, and he kept saying -- every day i called him. now i was really getting anxious. i'd call him in the morning and call him at night, and every day he'd say nothing, i'm fine, i'm good. and finally after day after day of this it was going good, everything was great. and he said his doctor came by and he said my doctor said i'm too tough. he said maybe i'd had it before and maybe that's why i tested positive. he said i'm going to be over this. and then i called one morning and he wasn't there. and it turned out in the night he'd been taken to the hospital, and i never got to talk to him again and neither did his wife or his two boys or my brothers. we got what we could through the nurses, and god bless them. but they were stretched to the edges. and so we'd just get like these -- there's like a telegram that would just come in and say he's better and then they'd say he's worse, he's not going to make it through the night, the next day he's better. and then he took a turn for the worst. and they -- they called us and told us he was gone. and nobody was with him, not any of us. and i -- i don't know how he died. i don't know -- i don't know if he was cold or if he was thirsty. all i know is i couldn't be there to tell him how much i loved him and neither could the rest of our family. and that's hard. >> president biden has said that there comes a point where these memories make you smile before they make you cry. do you see that moment coming soon for you? >> i do. i had a lot of good years with my brother, and he had a lot of good years. and that's the part my other brothers, don reed's wife, judy and the boys and i, those are the parts we talk about. because, because that's what it means to keep someone alive. no, i can't talk to him on the phone but he'll always be there in my heart, always. >> do you think people appreciate that this still happens every day? that the person that someone loves as much as you obviously love your brother, people are still dying alone every day? >> i think that we just don't realize the magnitude of what has already happened. and what is continuing to unfold. yes, i'm optimistic we have vaccines and we are moving forward. more than 1,800 people died -- >> yesterday. >> yesterday. >> yeah. >> one day. that's hundreds of families. just like ours who didn't get to hold a hand, who didn't get to -- didn't get to do one more time of i love you. >> i asked two women who lost their husbands and i'll ask you the same thing and you're known as one of the toughest people in american politics but there's no toughness that protects you from grief. what can people on the outside do? >> partly i've heard the two women you talked with earlier and i think they were exactly right. just listen. hear the stories. we're all having to learn a new way to grieve. i would have been there with my brother but i also would have been there with the rest of my family when we lost my brother. so we'd have all the chances to tell the stories and find a place to settle in our hearts. that's part of what covid has stolen from us. and so, i think all of us, we need each other more than ever and they may be people -- people we're not ordinarily really close to but we need our friends, we need our acquaintances, we need people to say my heart hurts, too, because as a people, as a nation, as a giant community, we have to find a way to deal with this loss, to settle it in our hearts and in our minds. and be able to build tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the only way we're going to do that is together. >> well, i cannot thank you enough for telling us about your brother, for telling us about what it's been like. i think you went a long way toward giving a lot of voice to what so many people are going through. so from the bottom of my heart, thank you. thank you so much for being part of this. >> thank you. and thank you for doing this. it's a good thing. >> thank you. my goal of trying to get through the hour without crying just about derailed. up next for us bringing a community together after covid pulled it apart. >> when i look back at my life what am i most proud of? wow, that's a hard question. well, i'm most proud of that i have three children and they've all grown to be good people. and i think that's what i'm most proud of. (man) i'm a verizon engineer, part of the team that built 5g right, the only one from america's most reliable network. we designed our 5g to make the things you do every day better. with 5g nationwide, millions of people can now work, listen, and stream in verizon 5g quality. and in parts of many cities where people can use massive capacity, we have ultra wideband, the fastest 5g in the world. this is the 5g that's built for you. this is 5g built right. only from verizon. there will be days when you feel everything is going your way and there will be days when you just feel happy. but the people around you might be having a bad day. so when you see that help them, listen to them. it only takes a small deed to help brighten someone else's day. thank you for listening. >> that was brayden wilson of california. braden passed away at the age of 15 from a rare covid-19 complication. his family has now launched a scholarship in his name to help other teenagers pursue their passion for the arts and technology. mark hall was the first new orleans police officer to die of covid-19. despite the sudden and tragic loss his son, mark hall, jr., stayed the course and graduated from the police academy just a few weeks after his father's death. and when he was sworn in as a police officer for the new orleans pd he got the same badge as his dad. and we're remembering larry edwards tonight, a member of our family. larry was an audio technician who worked for nbc news for more than 25 years all over the world. sometimes in some of the most dangerous places. larry was known by the people fortunate enough to get to work with him as the one guy who always, always had your back. we're lucky now to be joined by the reverend liz walker of the roxbury presbyterian church in boston. what do we do with all this grief? what do we do? >> i have to say thank you for inviting me. and you have had church. that's what it's been. and it's been really powerful and really important. we have to grieve. you can't just ignore pain. we at roxbury presbyterian church have worked on a program primarily focused on violence and letting people deal with the aftermath of that. and what we've discovered is traumatic grief. grief we're going through right now in this country is nothing that's going to be dealt with closure. it's not going to just fade away. this kind of grief remains for a long time. and so when you say we just named it, that's exactly the important thing -- we name it. you've named people. you've let us hear stories. we have cried with you. we have cried with these people who are grieving. that has to happen. that is what pulls us together in grief, but it also makes us stronger. to hear senator warren share her story about her family and her brother, to hear her be so human. and of course we know she is, but to hear her in this vulnerable moment is so important for all of us. and if we don't grieve i think that we -- we will have hell to pay. and i mean that quite literally. so you are having church this hour, and i'm humbled to be a part of your service. >> well, say more about grief and vulnerability because it seems like the most vulnerable thing to do is to allow ourselves to grieve. but frankly in my line of work the news is so scary and the last thing you want to do is feel more exposed. you want to put your shell up and protect yourself. how do those two things coexist? >> we all want to protect ourselves. of course we do. but the idea of loss, of this deep, deep, deep loss -- and this has been just extraordinary this last year. and we haven't -- we've been kind of disconnected from it just as we're disconnected from each other. so this extraordinary loss, this wound that is deep down in all our souls -- because we don't know how to get through something like this. just to ignore that and push it down is -- you know, you think you're doing the right thing. you think you're being strong or getting over it, but what you're really doing is suppressing a wound, and wounds have to have at some point air and light. and so by talking about it, by crying, by emoting, by wailing you are -- you know, you are dealing with it. you are confronting it. and that is the only way to heal. and i think that this country has not done that. so 500,000 plus deaths, 1,800 people died traumatically, i mean not natural in the sense we expected it and was all -- this has been the most traumatic thing i've ever seen in my lifetime. you have to be allowed to say that, to name that. so that's what you're doing, and that's a part of it. but this is not going to be, you know, resolved in one night. it's going to take some time. it's going to take more ritual. it's going to take more sharing of stories. and this is -- this is important what you're doing tonight. >> thank you so much, hearing from that and i'm just thinking that we finally have a leader who's made these rituals of grieving part of his presidency. we've had two services so far and that seems like the kind of effort you're speaking to, giving it a voice and giving it a ritual. >> absolutely. and because he's gone through his own personal grief and he's done that in such a public way, he is just the right man for the right time. of course there's more to being a president than that, but in this moment, this is what has to happen. and so i don't want to keep harping on it, but this -- we have to share this pain. it belongs to all of us. and that's what has not been happening and that's what has to begin now and has to continue. >> if it has to continue, we're going to continue to call on you. revland liz walker of the roxbury presbyterian church, thank you so much for being a part of this. >> thank you. >> so do you all remember -- i know in new york i do -- when everyone used to stop and cheer for the front line health care workers. if you lived in new york like clock work it was like every night at 7:00. everybody stopped, rolled up their window and cheered. we don't do that anymore. we stopped, but they didn't. when we come back, a tribute to some american heroes. do you have a life insurance policy you no longer need? 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>> well, we are doing as everyone. we are trying our best to recover now. >> do you feel like we had enough of a window into the toll that this took on nurses and doctors inside hospitals when these surges really hit? >> i don't think that there is a way to really have that type of a window. as we're talking to the families of patients who died, definitely the people who were there, who were at the bed side, it's taken a tremendous toll on them. >> there has never been such a period where even in the end when all medical interventions have come up short the actual moment where a patient dies is one the nurse has to shepherd that person through to the other side. can you talk about that? >> well, i tell you in our hospital we have been blessed with care physicians and health practitioners who have helped us tremendously and they also serve to help families and patients as they make decisions about the end of life. those individuals were instrumental in helping us to ensure that patients and their families knew that we were there for them. >> carolyn, what is the way that people can sort of pay back what front line health care workers have given to the whole country this year? >> i would say that if people could just follow the science, follow the science, because it works. those of us that are coming into the hospital on a daily basis, those who are facing and caring for covid patients are at highest risk. however, they are in protective equipment, masks, gowns, gloves. outside of the hospital, for people in the community, masking is so important. social distancing is so important. those are the things that they can do to help us help them. >> do you feel that the science is telling a story that the horizon is here, that this is almost over, that with vaccinations we will return to some version of pre-corona normal? >> i think that it is giving us a window into what can be. we, though, have to continue to be vigilant. we have to continue to be supportive of one another. at our hospital, we have a motto. team work makes the dream work, and that is so true in the era of covid-19. >> carolyn booker, you are something of a local legend there. we are wishing that we could thank every single person like you in every single hospital in every single city and every single state. we can't do that, but just from all of us who have had the privilege of covering the pandemic over the last year, there is just story after story after story of the super human contributions of folks like yourself, so thank you. thank you for spending time with us tonight, and thank you for everything that you've done. >> thank you for having me. >> thank you. rachel maddow joins us after a very quick break. first though, saluting our amazing front line heroes. ♪♪ the lincoln memorial tonight back in january, the night before joe biden's inauguration, that was the backdrop for what was the nation's first real memorial for the lives lost in this pandemic. the deaths continue to mount. 130,000 more people have died since that day, nearly two months ago, and tomorrow night live from the lincoln memorial our friend chris hayes will host a special "all in america: the year we meet again" a look at when life may finally get back to normal. we'll hear from president biden tomorrow night, his first prime time address to the nation. that's at 8:00 p.m. eastern. president biden is sure to stress the importance tomorrow night of remaining vigilant, if not for ourselves, then for the people or for the person you love most in this world. it's a message that will sound familiar to viewers of the rachel maddow show because we heard it from her when her partner susan became ill will covid last fall. >> what you need to know is that whoever is the most important person in your life, whoever you most love and most care for and most cherish in the world, that's the person who you may lose or who you may spend weeks up all night freaking out about and calling doctors all over and over and over again all night long trying to figure out how to keep that person breathing and out of the hospital. >> we are so lucky to be joined now by my friend and colleague rachel maddow. i still play that moment and remember that moment as a reminder to not let down my guard and i think that's around the time i started wearing two masks and just feeling so grateful that susan was okay and you were okay, and how are you guys doing now? >> it's, you know, it is really hard for me to see that even now. i have not gone back and watched that. let me just say, nicole, that this has been such a public service what you are doing this hour. we do not have the language and the -- we don't have the vocabulary to talk about this level of loss, and you are trying to give us that, and it is so valuable and so powerful and so important, and i don't know how else we could have done it other than by what -- the way that you are pushing this tonight. this hour is, i think, the most important thing that we've done on this network in months if not years. and so i mean, you're asking me about me and susan, we're fine. we're okay. she's definitely on the other side of this, and i'm so grateful, but you know, we all have to use the power that we've got and the platform that we've got and the trust that people have in us to try to do the most good and you are doing a lot of that right now, so thank you for doing this. >> i made it like 59 minutes without crying. you threatened to derail that as did senator warren, and i think that when you talk to -- >> oh, god, yeah. >> -- people who are just known for their toughness, they tell a story that is the universal story of loss. i mean 520,000 people have families that are exponentially larger than that number of people that have lost their lives, and they all have that story of grief that she told. i mean, there's this universality of grief, and it's so big. it's so many people grieving that i think it's just important to keep them in mind as we race toward all the science. the science is taking us to vaccination school, and we're going from armchair epidemiologists to armchair vaccine experts, but there are still so many people dealing with such big loss, so thank you. >> yes, and it's -- but you know, nicole, i think that to focus on not only the people that we have lost but to acknowledge that it's okay to not let them go. there isn't closure when you've lost somebody. your families are never the same. your grief is never over, and it's not a failure on your part to continue to grieve and to continue to feel overwhelmed by the loss, and that's just -- it's an adult way to approach it, but it's something that we need to face collectively as a country, but we also just need to have so much heart and so much respect for all the families, for the half million plus american families who will never ever, ever be the same. it's just we -- it's a form of maturity to be real about those permanent losses. >> it is. and it's something we're still learning to talk about. thank you for ducking in and letting us duck into your hour. and thanks to all of you for letting us into your homes during these truly extraordinary and challenging times. we are so grateful. i'm see you tomorrow for "deadline white house." rachel, we turn it over to you. thank you, my friend. >> god bless you. thank you. all right, it has been a remarkable hour here on msnbc. i'm so grateful for my colleagues and for colleagues, in particular, like nicolle, who can handle the emotional weight of what she just did there. what a service. tomorrow night here will be a big deal as well, which she alluded to at the end of the hour. as you know, president biden