A real toetapper. In addition, all future Broadway Productions of aladdin will now be known as fiddler on the flying carpet. Finally, we are no longer going to use arabic numerals or algebra, or math of any kind, which is pretty obvious if youd read our tax plan. laughter its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, franken under fire. Plus, stephen welcomes ed helms Christopher Jackson and musical guest bleachers. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen you thank you very much hey, whats going on, lewis hey, everybody please have a seat. Sit, sit, sit welcome to the late show, everybody. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Ladies and gentlemen, this morning, if you havent seen, Time Magazine has announced their ca david perdue in a momet that inspired a lot of people. It was not blake shelton. No, the person of the year is the Metoo Movement. I agree, i agree. Which means everyone who still subscribes to magazines just learned what a hashtag is. laughter great choice, i think. Really a great choice. Though a movement where Sexual Assault survivors are actually believed shouldnt be on the cover of time. It should be on the cover of its about damn time. cheers and applause at announcement do you subscribe . Do you subscribe . I dont. The announcement was made on this mornings today show. They do it every year. It always exciting for them. Really a shame matt lauer couldnt be there. I said shame i said shame now it will be a long monologue. Last years winner was donald trump, and this year, he came in behind the Metoo Movement at number two. But thats fine with trump. Hes got a long history of creeping behind women. Trumps got to be annoyed, because a few days ago, he tweeted, Time Magazine called to say that i was probably going to be named man person of the year, like last year, but i would have to agree to an interview and a major photo shoot. I said probably is no good and took a pass. Thanks anyway yes, i said probably is no good. I also passed on sexiest man alive, best in show, and the j. D. Power award for best midsize sedan. thanks anyway. Enjoy sad applause and it really it really had to be the Metoo Movement, because it seems like every day a new man is being accused of sexual misconduct. But not today. Today its the same man minnesota senator and former minnesota senator, al franken. Franken i know, i know but franken has been accused by multiple women of sexual misconduct, and today, a former congressional aide said that franken tried to forcibly kiss her after a taping of his radio show. She ducked frankens lips and that, as she was leaving the room, franken told her its my right as an entertainer. No, it isnt. Im an entertainer. And i happen to always carry a copy of the bill of rights for entertainers. Lets see what we have here. Check this out here. applause there are some rights. There are some rights we entertainers enjoy. I have the right to ride the rides at disney ahead of children. I skip security at the airport through one of those unmarked doors, you people cant see. And unlimited free stuff from apple. I have a bowl of Wireless Headphones on my kitchen counter. People think theyre mints. Its a choking hazard. Now, franken says, this allegation is categorically not true. But this accusation appears to be the straw that groped the camels back. Kirsten gillibrand, senator from new york, she is now calling on senator al franken to resign. Now, eight democratic senators. Were up to, i think, nine or 10. 20. At least 30. Stephen do i hear 29 . 30 31 . 31 . 31 sold to make room for the gentleman from alabama. applause huminahumina. The idea is so popular among democrats that al franken is quoted as saying i strongly believe al franken should resign. Oh, wait no, thats me speaking of sexual harassers who should resign tomorrow, donald trump. cheers and applause today, today, trump made a big announcement about the middle east. I have determined that it is jerusalem as the capital of israel. Stephen yes, he recognized it in a speech, but im still pretty sure he couldnt recognize it on a map. laughter cheers and applause which one is it . Is it the little one . Now, this declaration could inflame the entire region. Jerusalem is a holy city to three world religions, and both palestinians and israelis claim it as their capital. Every inch is disputed. They even had to draw a line down the middle of the sixpiece mcnuggets at the jerusalem mcdonalds. Theyre still fighting over the gaza chicken strip. God ordained honey mustard. Barbecue sauce is a shonda. Part of the conflict is over who controls the sacred sites for both religions at the temple mount, which, like trump, has a golden dome and sparks holy wars. But trump explained why he did it. This is nothing more or less, than a recognition of reality. Stephen why start now . And he managed he managed to get every word in the speech right, except the last one. God bless you. God bless israel. God bless the palestinians, and god bless the united stshh. laughter stephen i could watch that laughter i could can we see it again . Can we see it again . cheers and applause jim, please, the people. God bless you. God bless israel. God bless the palestinians, and god bless the united stshh. laughter stephen i am really looking forward to this january 30. Were live when trum addresses a joint session of congress for the shtshh of the union. My fellow americans the stssh of our union is clear. Huminnahuminnahuminna get off cheers and applause freph freph. The capper its capper of cappers, trump then signed the order that will further divide muslims and jews surrounded by christmas trees. Peace talks roasting on an open fire because the move was opposed by france, the u. K. , germany, russia, china, saudi arabia, turkey, syria, and the pope i never thought id say this but donald trump is really bringing the world together laughter and in response, palestinians have declared three days of rage. After that, theyll go back to their normal weeks of seething. But despite the criticism, trump said he was still committed to the mideast peace process. Above all, our greatest hope is for peace. Peace is never beyond the grasp of those willing to reach it. Stephen thats right. When youre the president , they let you grab it by the peacey. laughter so hes given his reasons, but why is trump really do this . In part maybe to fulfill a Campaign Promise he made to rightwing and proisrael groups, and big donors like casino magnate and man literally sweating his face off, sheldon adelson. But trump could also be shoring up support among evangelicals because many evangelicals believe jews must return to the biblical land of israel to facilitate a Second Coming of christ. So is this truly . Will recognizing jerusalem as the capital of israel hasten the return of jesus . Not if i have anything to say about it. Stephen god its the lord, everyone give it up hey, everybody, whats up . Happy holidays stephen really . Happy holidays . Yeah, you got to keep it vague. You never know who youre talking to. Could be buddhists out there. What am i supposed to say, merry nothingness . laughter stephen god hes very forgiving. Stephen are you going to send jesus back to jerusalem . Are you crazy . im not going to send my son into that tinderbox didnt go so well last time. Stephen what about you . Will you be going back to the holy city . No way. Im not even sure its my holy city anymore. Im thinking of moving it to somewhere more laid back, like austin. Its my favorite city in the whole united shsst. Stephen god, everybody weve got a great show for you tonight. Ed helms is here. But when we return, ill tell you about the hottest holiday gifts. Dont miss it. Its very good. Wthis weekend hundreds of deals up to 30 off with cartwheel in the target app. Save big with weekend deals every weekend. Only at target i remember the warmth and the wonder. Twinkling lights mixed with the scent of spruce. And now, my chance to relive it all. Magic. We have a fragrance for that. Glade limited edition fragrances. Can your phone get loud . Hello moto. Why stay trapped in your ear buds when you can turn it up with alexa . Alexa, blast my music. alexa playing your music. Moto mods on the new moto z, from motorola. Smart speaker with amazon alexa available now on the moto z2. And take an extra 25 off this weekend at kohls. Give joy with jammies for the family a cuddl duds throw pillow or a keurig and for a limited time only yes2you members earn Double Points give joy get joy this weekend at kohls. I was wondering if an electric toothbrusthan a manual. S better and my hygienist says it does but theyre not all the same. Who knew . I had no idea. So she said, look for one thats shaped like a dental tool with a round brush head. Go pro with oralb. Oralbs rounded brush head surrounds each tooth to gently remove more plaque. And unlike sonicare, oralb is the only electric toothbrush brand accepted by the American Dental Association for its effectiveness and safety. My mouth feels so clean. Ill only use an oralb. Oralb. Brush like a pro. band playing cheers and applause Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody, right there cheers and applause jon hey, whats happening . Stephen folks, hope you have room for your shopping. Youre a highend audience. And i love to give you highend holiday gift guides available this time of year, like the one from tiffanys, featuring their trademark tiffany takes on everyday objects, like tiffanys rose gold vermeil crazy straw for 350. Its opaque, so you cant see the liquid going through it, finally answering the question, what if we took a fun thing for kids and made it for adults and not at all fun . And this truly is a crazy straw, because to buy it, youd have to be mentally unbalanced. laughter but for the highend gift giver, there is really no better source than the mother of all Lifestyle Brands the goop holiday gift guide. Gwyneth paltrows onestop shop for highend goopy gift ideas like goop glow, which promises you can drink your way to glowing skin for 55. Pro tip drink it through your gold crazy straw so you cant see that you just paid 55 for tang. laughter goop promises it will reduce the freeradical effects of the sun, pollution, stress, and helps face down oxidative photo damage. Goop also promises that these statements have not been evaluated by the food and drug administration. Yeah, but youll believe whatever they say, because youll have literally drunk the koolaid. Of course, fans know that any goop gift guide would not be complete without their perennial favorite, the goop jade egg. Used by women to increase Sexual Energy and pleasure, this nephrite jade stone helps connect the second chakra the heart and your yoni. Cbs would prefer i not explain what a yoni is, but lets just say theyre taking Stocking Stuffer to a whole new level. laughter now, this is important, this next parts important. Goop cautions, please be sure to follow the instructions included with your egg. Dont just race ahead like you do with ikea furniture, because you cant fix this with an allen wrench. Youll need your plumber allen with a wrench. laughter in fact, theres a whole list of instructions that starts with, one working with a jade egg is more than just putting a stone up your vagina. laughter you know what . You know what . I dont want to know what two is. laughter and dont to worry about retrieval, because the eggs are predrilled for string addon. We recommend using unwaxed dental floss. Its also handy if youve got a piece of popcorn stuck in there. laughter applause you know, its the holiday time, its the holiday time, a lot of people are home from school, and i certainly hope youre watching this with your grandparents right. Hi,nana. The holidays are always stressful, so goop recommends the residential float tank. Get the benefits of flotation therapy in the privacy of your home for a mere 16,500. Cool you can pretend youre waking from hypersleep in an alternate future where it isnt stupid to drop 16 grand on a coffin filled with water. If your loved one enjoys the float tank but feels there isnt enough chance of drowning using it, goop recommends the personal yellow submarine, which allows one to experience a dimension usually reserved for explorers and marine scientists you know, people who have been taught how to operate a submarine. Well, fans of this show know that i, too, have my own highend lifestyle brand covetton house. Baroque simplicity. Shabby elegance. Give me money. Covetton house. laughter stephen remember when you buy from the covetton holiday gift guide, a portion of the proceeds will go with the rest of the proceeds into my bank account. laughter first up, covetton is proud to introduce our new line of covetton commoners objects, featuring sterling silver reimaginings of items you might find every day in your garbage, like this oneofakind costco receipt. Handspraypainted silver. 68 is what i spent that day at costco. It will cost you 1500 bucks. And for the healthconscious loved one, covetton presents the covetton shine luxury sip sac, the drinkable cleanse that comes with its own sterling plastic straw. Covetton promises it eliminates toxidative isotropes using sciencism. laughter and the f. D. A. Promises to put me in jail if i keep saying that. One use only. Of course, christmas can be stressful, so why not give the gift of relaxation with covettons residential meditation tank. Just climb inside, shut the door, and wait for the deep, permanent relaxation to descend. Plus, if you push it off a dock, it becomes a personal submarine. laughter finally, since goop has cornered the vaginal egg market, we offer the covetton premium sensual is butt stick. Yes. laughter individually selected by my landscaper, the butt stick connects your ninth chakra the butt with this stick. laughter it naturally increases Sexual Energy through its patented spirit splinters. There are no instructions with the butt stick, because working with a butt stick is nothing more than putting a stick in your butt. If you need floss, youre doing it wrong. laughter but if you do get into trouble, you can always call allen. Well be right back with ed helms. cheers and applause twos. Like tmobile and netflix. Right now when you get an unlimited family plan, netflix is included. Ho ho ho tmobile covers your netflix subscription. Best Christmas Gift ever . So you can binge watch all year long. Now youre thinking christmas and now when you buy any of this seasons hot new Samsung Galaxy phones, you get a second one free to gift. Thats one samsung for you. And one to give. Tmobile. Holiday twogether. Charmin ultra soft its softer than ever. Charmin ultra soft is twice as absorbent so you can use less. And its softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird. We all go, why not enjoy the go with charmin . Lackluster lips . Dont think so. Lips lose natural color over time. Chapstick total hydration moisture tint. Our 100 natural moisturizing formulas enhance your natural lip color. Chapstick. Put your lips first. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back to the show. Im so excited because you know my first guest from the hangover movies and the daily show. He now stars with owen wilson in father figures. Please welcome my friend, ed helms applause please welcome ed helms cheers and applause stephen its always nice to see you, ed helms. You, too. Stephen you are a ray of sunshine. And a fellow southerner . Yeah, thats right. Stephen atlanta or suburbs of atlanta. Hot lant, ga, i grew up right in the middle of it. It. Stephen on peach tree street. Almost. Stephen at the varsity. I was born in a fry in a french fry vat at the varsity. Stephen wow, right in the basket, right there. Right there. Stephen and they salted and you gave you back to your mom. Im a southernfried baby. Stephen so weve got the office weve got hangover. But the thing people recognize you for, im sure, they stop you and say, wait a second. Ed helms, youre the voice of captain underpants. Yes. Stephen okay. cheers and applause that is but hold on stephen that really captured you there. That looks like a southernfried baby right there. Stephen it does. Thats not what i get recognized for so much. Stephen really . I dont think i look does it. Stephen ive seen you in your underwear. Thats true is there Democratic Convention . You know whats funny, my friends who have kids stephen yes . They send me pictures of their kids dressed up like captain underpants, which is so adorable. But, also, my phone is filling up with pictures of children in their underpants and im not comfortable with that. Stephen no, no. No. So, please, stop sending me these pictures. Stephen exactly. You cant exactly say to the policeman, no, but i am captain underpants. Yeah. Stephen and im admiral handcuffs. Get in the car. You want to send a message, dont send you the photos. No more, thank you. Stephen as i said, we have known each other a long time, get along great, helmscolbert. We had a little we had a little disagreement you and i at can the the daily show. It has to do with this . Yeah, okay. Lets get into this. Lets solve it. Stephen do you want to explain it, or do you . Ill take a stab at it. Our officees were adjacent and the restrooms were single occupancy, and they didnt have any indicator if someone was in there or not. Stephen they had a lock. They had a lock, but no sort of vacancy sign. What do you do when you go up to the door. Stephen you knock. No. Stephen you knock that is so wrong. Stephen to see if someone is in there stephen, you check the handle. If its locked, you walk away. Why would you knock . Because then the person has to answer while while poo is coming out of them. Stephen we dont know. We dont know if thats what it is. It could stephen i never did at the daily show. I went to a restaurant. Heres the deal. Heres why you dont do that. Tell me. Stephen because when the jiggle happens back me up. When the jiggle happens, you could go, oh, wait, did i lock the door . Diremember . Is the door lock working . Did you put it all the way shut . Knock doesnt sound anything like the door opening. This sound like the beginning of door open, and you panic, you pinch off the stream, and you cant start again. No, heres why youre wrong. Stephen guilty, guilty heres why youre wrong. Because when somebody knocks and you have to answer and you say, sorry, im in here. Then they know who you are. And then stephen they think youre kermit if you answer like that. And then you have to go in a meeting with them two minutes later stephen you and know that theyre human and you use the bathroom. But they also they they know that stephen hey, you used the bathroom. They know youre the one who probably just, yeah, left an odor or who knows what . Stephen thats your first problem. I dont leave an odor . You dont. Stephen no, no. Oh, yes you do laughter . Stephen i went so far this is how bad of a person i am i went so far as to put a sign on the outside of the door that said, knock. And on the inside of the door i put a sign that said, if someone knocks, respond. It really was just at you. That message was at you. So out of line. Stephen there are other things for us to talk about other than bathroom humor. Again, i hopenana has joined for the evening. You have a choi on Comedy Central coming pup. Its called the fake news with. Ted nelms. Stephen what is that . Well, it is a totally fake news broadcast. Hosted by stephen youre working for cnn now. Youre work for cnn. Im working for tfn, the fake news. Thats our fake sort of network. And it looks just like cnn. It looks just like, you know, fox news, msnbc. We just made it all up. Theres no actual news in it. Stephen so literally every story is made jiewp every single story, and we throw to correspondents and its all stephen is it recognizable . Like things about, like, our president or russia or congress or any recognizable kind of. Its sort of like its sort of like the onion that way. Its sort of sideways of reality, but im in character as ted, in elms stephen and not anything like ed helms. Hes a lot like ed helms, but more like wolf blitzer, maybe. Stephen oh, okay, so terrible at his job. laughter but its just a really silly its sort of like if monty python did the news. Stephen okay. Youve also got a movie called father figures. Its out december 22, is the buzz on the streets. Yes. Stephen what is this movie . Are the father in this . No, no. I am a father, but it turns out owen wilson and i are fraternal Twin Brothers who find out that our father, who we thought we thought our father had died when we were infants, and it turns out hes still alive and hes still out there, and we set out to find him. Stephen and and and you you are a procticologist, i understand. Understand. I am also a proctologist. Stephen what did i say . I think you say the united shtssh. Stephen you are a proctologist and you dont know who your father is. We think our father died of colon cancer, which is why i became a proctologist in his memory. But it turns out that was all a lie, and we and we just we just find that out at the beginning of the movie. Stephen okay. And whats happening in this clip . Oh, clip. We got the clip. Yeah, so, were just finding it out, actually, from our mother, played by the amazing glenn close. Stephen another jim. I spent my whole life trying to honor my fathers memory. And you have. What memory . I stare at bleep all day long because of a fictional mans colon cancer. Pete, could you pivot into Plastic Surgery or or something less butt related . I mean, youre really smart. I dont see why not. Kyle, how are you not freaking out right now okay, thats not fair you cant tell people how to freak out. I want everybody to calm down, all right. I am so sorry, you guys, but the light is going quickly. Its the last chance for family photos. Not a good time, annie. Stephen now that was shot in atlanta, right . Yeah. That was shot in my home town. applause guilty g. A. That was shot in ho hotlant. My mom was on set almost every day. You could say she shadow directed this movie. Stephen did she meet your fake mom, glenn close . She did. And it was funny because she was a little intimidated. I think she thought maybe glenn close might steal her sons maternal affection. But, of course, mom got to set, and shes so lovely. Shes greatest. Everyone fell in love with her. And by the end of the movie, mom is, like, really good buddies with owen wilson, and im the jellos one like, mom, you love my movie brother more than me but, no, it was great. Its always fun having having family around. Stephen its always fun to have ed helms here. Oh stephen hey, you want to go use the bathroom later . laughter . Affect . No. Stephen okay. Ed, good to see you. Always a pleasure. Stephen father figures is in theaters december 22. Ed helms. Well be right back with Christopher Jackson, everybody. [firewor[ ]xploding] hurry in to old navy get gifting with up to 60 off the entire store. Thats up to 60 off the entire store with styles from 6 dollars, at old navy. Ayep, and my teeth are yellow. . Time for whitestrips. Crest glamorous White Whitestrips are the only adaaccepted whitening strips proven to be safe and effective. And they whiten 25x better than a leading whitening toothpaste. Crest. Healthy, beautiful smiles for life. Youre so cold, come in whats wrong . Its dry. Your scalp . Mine gets dry in the winter too. Try head and shoulders dry scalp care it nourishes the scalp and. Keeps you up to 100 flake free head and shoulders dry scalp care band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. My next guest starred as George Washington in the original cast of hamilton. He now stars on cbss bull. Please welcome Christopher Jackson applause stephen im used to seeing you in slightly more formal attire as washington. Do you think, with would have gone on a talk show not wearing a tie, Christopher Jackson . Maybe a crevat. Stephen dp you learn or get anything from George Washington, because he was a man of great propriety. He was. I learned a lot of stuff. I learned when he was 14 he wrote he copied, basically, the rules of civility. Stephen are you serious . Yeah. Stephen did you know that i had that . I was told there was stephen one of my producers gave this to me and it sits on the back of my toilet tank in my bathroom. laughter i read these are the laws that these are rules that George Washington wrote down. Shake not your had the, feet, or legs. Roll not the eyes. Lift not one eyebrow higher than the other. Bedo no mans face with your spittle by approaching him too near when you speak. This guy had a sure. Stephen this guy was really he had a stick up his butt. Well, you know, i think it was a bit of a germaphob. I dont think he liked shaking hands. Theres a lot of a lot of you read a lot of things about him not being the most forthright with the shaking of the hands. Stephen not he was, like, howie mandell. He just did this . Right. Stephen fist bump. George washington . Now that you have left, thats the story of the creation of our country to a certain agree, the beginnings of our country. And its full of towering political figures. In todays political environment, where do you look for, for solace, because there are not a lot of towering political figures anymore. Yeah. I watch i watch the show. Stephen you watch this show . Yeah. Stephen im not a political figure. No, but a good influence is a good influence. And then i cheers and applause yeah, right, right . And then ill watch ill watch the news, and then ill go in my basement and cry. Stephen oh, okay. You know what i like to do . I like to watch the west wing sometimes. Its politics porn. You know. None of its real, but it looks pretty. Oh, man, and it makes you feel so fulfilled. I always say eye always say watching the west wing for me is like listening to my favorite album you know whats coming. You know what to expect. I have seen the series probably 20 times, every episode all the way through. Thats the antidote for me when everything is happening. Stephen did you sing in church. Di, i dcarol baftist church. One of the first shows was arch the angel. Stephen a Christmas Pageant . Yeah, but we did things a step above your normal nativity scenes. Stephen who were you . I was arch. Stephen you were the aarchangel. Ahch, not arc. I rode a skateboard in. That was my entrance. Stephen that is dope. Yeah stephen yo, gabrielle raps. A glittercovered skateboard. A bomber jacket. It was it was the deal. Stephen thats nice. My first appearance on stage was in a Christmas Pageant as well, actually. I was the fourth wise man. Of course, you were. Stephen it was late. Our clocks werent working and we got there late, and there were already three kids on stage. And my tom mom said, go up there. I said, there are already three. And she said, go up there. So fourth wise man. So you did. Stephen ive been wrong since the beginning. Bull, bull is the cbs show with michael weatherly. Yes. Stephen we all and know love michael weatherly. He plays bull. You play chunk palmer, former allamerican football player, current fashionconscious stylist who fine tunes clients appearances for trial. You know, a seamless transition from George Washington. Come on come on stephen what does that mean . What does your character do . So what we do on our show, dr. Bull has this team, and were trial consultants. And so a client will come in, and theyll need help and, you know, maybe theyre theyre, you know their teenaged son is on trial for a crime he didnt commit. Now we have to present him in a way that makes him look a little bit better and makes him sound a little less teenagey. Stephen is everyone on this show innocent or are you getting guilty people off . I hope theyre all innocent. Stephen you dont know. I just distress dressthem, stephen. I just dress them. Stephen does bull know . Of course, he does. Stephen so you dont know. Bull just tells you to help this person, even if he knows theyre a murderer. Oh, were not were not comfortable with moral ambiguity in our world today . Stephen i just want to know who im supposed to cheer for. applause . I didnt build this world. I just live in it, glght heres the thing you are a fantastic singer. You have a long broadway career. 20 years since you joined the cast of the lion king. Yeah. We just celebrated the 20th birthday on broadway. Stephen you have been involved in some of the greatest shows of my lifetime on broadway. It seems look a shame that someone of your talent never gets to sing on that show. Is there any chance that there could be bull, the musical. In nmy down time im working on something. We have been developing something on cbs. Stephen and you and i rehearsed it. Yes. Stephen are you ready to do it now . I think see. cheers and applause stephen ladies and gentlemen, its my honor to present the premiere of bull, the musical. In this crazy mixedup world of legal sound and fury a man will rise hes not just the judge instead, he works the jury you cant believe the courtroom tricks hell pull im proud to call him leader, friend, that amazing man named bull my character, chunk palmer, helps him out with grace and skill and did you know that bull is based on a young dr. Phil . Now the shows a massive hit, both national and regional cause its a fun new twist on the ared ar classic legal procel hes a lawyer named bull wait, lets be clear hes not a lawyer, technically hes still named bull but hell get you off both legally and sexually applause hes the worlds most exultant jury consultant its just a shame he doesnt have a first name its jason, actually stephen oh, okay. Jason bull will make you confess tuesdays at 9 00 or watch it online only cbs cheers and applause stephen bull airs tuesdays at 9 00 on cbs. Christopher jackson, everybody well be right back with a performance by bleachers. 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But we can save you money when you bundle home and auto. Progressive cant save you from becoming your parents. That cough doesnt sound so good. Take mucinex dm. Ill text you in 4 hours when your cough returns. One pill lasts 12 hours, so. Looks like im good all night why take 4hour cough medicine . Just one mucinex lasts 12 hours. Lets end this. 60 of women are wearing the wrong size pad and can experience leaks discover always my fit. Find the number thats right for your flow and panty size on the top of any always pack. The better the fit, the better it protects. Always. Before we hit the beach, ive we cant stay here why . Flat toilet paper ill never get clean way ahead of you. Aww. Compared to charmin ultra strong, other toilet paper. Falls flat. Its washclothlike texture helps clean better. Its four times stronger and you can use less. Beautiful view. Thanks to charmin. And you, honeybear awwwww. We all go. Why not enjoy the go with charmin . Weee todays the day wahoo theres the secondmost famous groundhog in pennsylvania. Phew, am i late . nah, just in time. Nice. Holiday scratchoffs from the pennsylvania lottery. Aww. Things just got very merry. Keep on scratchin yeah, we talk yeah, we talk about getting older but theres so much we havent done yet some things, im not here i dont get dressed and i cursed my bedroom but i left it all alone cause all this time im runaway, runaway, runaway runaway, gone and everyone is changing and the storefronts rearranging i picked up a quarter and i just saw my face but its all coming back now like the feeling isnt over hey, i know i was lost but i miss those days i said lalalalalalalost but i miss those days well im talking lalalalalalalost but i miss those days those days when id sit on my sisters rooftop watching our city burn into the night im not sure that we were meant to survive i was sixteen in a van driving myself to florida part of me never left that seat cause nights that we could stand up before a dream well everyone is changing and the storefronts carry weight now and im sorry that you saw me when i lost my way but its all coming back, yeah like the feeling isnt over hey, i know i was lost but i miss those days i said lalalalalalalost but i miss those days well im talking lalalalalalalost but i miss those days it feels like everyone is changing and the storefronts rearranging i picked up a quarter and i just saw my face but its all coming back now like the feeling isnt over hey, i know i was lost but i miss those days i know i was lost but i miss those, come on hey, i know i was lost but i miss those days i said lalalalalalalost but i miss those days well im talking lalalalalalalost but i miss those days i said lalalalalalalost but i miss those days well im talking lalalalalalalost but i miss those days lalalalalalalost but i miss those days lalalalalalalost but i miss those days cheers and applause miim alive and have a second chance. James im thankful for the help and the opportunity that i received. Darlene im thankful to be able to help people in crisis. Vanessa im thankful that addiction is treatable, and that help is available. Christie new jersey is experiencing a heroin epidemic fueled by opioid painkillers. But if you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, i want you to know we are here for you. This holiday season, choose help. Call 844 reach nj or visit reachnj. Gov. Excellence haircolor by loreal. It colors. With prokeratine complex rich, radiant color and it cares for my hair. No color protects better. Or covers gray better. So much care in one little box. Excellence creme from loreal paris. Lrich matte lipstick. S new color riche matte. 16 shades pulse with lush comfort. Nondrying. Never flat. Its addictive. Matte addiction. New color riche matte. From loreal paris. Sorry. I cant make it. Its just my eczema again, but its fine. Yeah, its fine. You ok . Eczema. Its fine. Hey hi arent you hot . Eczema again . Its fine. I saw something the other day. Eczema exposed. Your eczema could be something called atopic dermatitis, which can be caused by inflammation under your skin. Maybe you should ask your doctor . Go to eczemaexposed. Com to learn more. Stephen thats it for the late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be sarah paulson, and john hodgman. Now stick around for james corden and his guests, kristen wiig and seth macfarlane. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show ladies and gentlemen, all the way from awe