Flynn guilty plea on the fifth day of christmas my mother gave to me. Cut to the trial, we cant take it anymore and a Michael Flynn guilty plea announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes billy bush and Gwendoline Christie featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen thank you very much please have a seat youre very kind. Welcome. Welcome one and all to the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Well, it feels like christmas is here. Courtesy of Robert Mueller coming down the white house chimney with a sack full of subpoenas cheers and applause mr. President , i got you an early christmas gift, too. I just hope theyre not too big on you. cheers and applause in case you missed it, on friday, former National Security advisor and Michael Flynn pleaded guilty to lying to the f. B. I. And it turns out, thats against the law. laughter did you know that . Lot of people dont know that. Most of them work for me. laughter but flynns not the only one in muellers crosshairs because, in court, he said that hes agreed to cooperate with the special counsels office. Woohoo hes singing like a canary well, actually, more like an angry shaved eagle. laughter applause yes, flynn is turning on his old friends. Its like the old saying goes, snitches get significant time off their federal prison sentence. cause he was facing an allyoucanserve jail buffet for charges, including failing to register as a foreign agent, money laundering, and kidnapping. So, to save his own hide, he had to give somebody up. Who . Well, its beginning to look a lot like kushner cheers and applause because after the election, kushner is said to have ordered flynn to contact russia. That threestar general must have been honored to get orders from a nostar soninlaw. Kushner wanted russia to block a u. N. Resolution condemning israeli settlements. At the same time, obama had just put sanctions on russia for tampering with the 2016 elections, and flynn called the Russian Ambassador and said, please dont respond to obamas sanctions, once we get in there wink, wink, nod, nod. And youre not supposed to make policy until youre in office. We only have one president at a time. Then it was obama, now its vladimir putin. laughter piano riff applause seems like a good guy. Strong leader. Very strong leader. Lucky to have him. laughter okay. And not only that, flynn could avoid jail time by participating in covert Law Enforcement activities, such as wearing a wire. Michael flynns a good guy. Very good listener. Sometimes he asks me to say things two or three times, directly into his corsage. Very nice. So thoughtful. laughter applause in fact, the white house is paranoid, and everyone thinks theyre being recorded. Thats terrible, and flynn felt bad about it, so this morning he apologized by sending them an edible arrangement. laughter many people say this situation cant get worse, to which trump said, hold my beer. laughter he doesnt even drink bore. On saturday, he tweeted, i had to fire general flynn because he lied to the Vice President and the f. B. I. Okay, heres the thing trumps not supposed to have known flynn lied to the f. B. I. Because, the day after he fired flynn, f. B. I. Director james comey says you told him to go easy on flynn. That would be an admission to obstruction of justice. cheers and applause big big obstruction of justice fans here tonight. laughter its like when youre trying to get out of one lie and you accidentally tell a much worse lie. Baby, i couldnt have been texting with my ex last night, i was too busy sleeping with your mom. laughter and you know momma dont let phones in the boom boom room. laughter but now trumps people are saying he didnt write the tweet. It was written by trump attorney and norse god of sadness, john dowd. Jon oh, man stephen very powerful. So theyre saying trumps lawyer wrote a tweet in the voice of his client, without the clients permission or knowledge, a tweet in which the client indicts himself for obstruction of justice. That is malpractice. I certainly hope john dowd has a lawyer thats way better than john dowd. laughter now, no one believes this. Even supporters of the administration called it sloppy and unfortunate. Sloppy and unfortunate, by the way, also eric and don, jr. S Secret Service code names. cheers and applause Everybody Loves those boys. And now dowd is saying it doesnt matter who wrote the tweet because the president cannot obstruct justice because he is the chief Law Enforcement officer and has every right to express his view of any case. audience reacts or, as nixon said, when the president does it, it is not illegal. Also, if youre using the same defense as me, youre totally screwed because i was a crook. laughter its a fine line from this to Ahhh Ahhh Ahhh so the president s lawyer seems to be taking the fall for this damning tweet. But dowd isnt the only attorney who would do this for a client. Just take a look at this ad. Are you the president of the United States . And the moron who confessed guilt on twitter . Then you need the services of galino and fonz. We dont just defend you in court, well take your confession and say we wrote it for some reason. Well take the heat for the tweet and it doesnt stop there. Whatever crime you commit, well say we did it. And badly. That was us. Armed robbery . Guilty as charged. Caught standing over a dead body with a bloody knife . Thanks for holding my murder knife, frank, i lead like it back. Wink, wink. So call us. Or send us a message on your twitter account. Weve already got the password you know you can trust us to take the blame for obstruction of justice no Habla Espanol cheers and applause stephen quality, quality legal counsel. piano riff laughter applause stephen and trump wasnt done tweeting. He also threw his weight behind republican candidate and sheriff of teen town, roy moore, tweeting, democrats refusal to give even one vote for massive tax cuts is why we need republican roy moore to win in alabama. We need his vote on stopping crime, illegal immigration, border wall, military, pro life, v. A. , judges, Second Amendment and more. No to jones, a Pelosi Schumer puppet and nobody wants a puppet in the senate. But if moore gets elected, they will need a few more of those show me where he touched you dolls. audience reacts applause piano riff laughter the administration has been super chaotic, and we know the campaign was just as crazy thanks to some new inside dish from former Trump Campaign manager and man being asked to leave strip club, corey lewandowski. Lewandowski just wrote a book called let trump be trump. I dont want to let trump be trump at this point, im ready to let trump be pence lewandowski released an excerpt that depicts trump butting heads with Campaign Chairman and man who opened nursing home just to steal residents jewelry, paul manafort. Lewandowskis book describes one particularly Heated Exchange after manafort attempted to get trump to cut back on the tv appearances. He quotes trump as saying ill go on tv any time i bleep bleep want and you wont say another bleep word about me tone it down . I want to turn it up im a pro at life. laughter adding, i know guys like you, with your hair and your skin. Trumps so jealous of anyone who has their own hair and skin. laughter applause with your fingers and your feet, with the torso and the elbows. Lewandowski also recounted some fun stories from the campaign, like the time former press secretary hope hicks used a steamer to press trumps pants while he was still wearing them. Makes sense. Come on what woman would ever want to say, mr. Trump, please take off your pants. cheers and applause a great show for you tonight billy bush is here to talk bus stick around cheers and applause band playing charmin ultra soft its softer than ever. Charmin ultra soft is softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird. Enjoy the go with charmin touch is how we communicate with those we love, but when your psoriasis is bad, does it ever get in the way . Embrace the chance of 100 clear skin with taltz. 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So she said, look for one thats shaped like a dental tool with a round brush head. Go pro with oralb. Oralbs rounded brush head surrounds each tooth to gently remove more plaque. And unlike sonicare, oralb is the only electric toothbrush brand accepted by the American Dental Association for its effectiveness and safety. My mouth feels so clean. Ill only use an oralb. Oralb. Brush like a pro. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey welcome back, everybody cheers and applause you know my first guest as a former anchor of the today show and access hollywood, and from one very infamous bus ride. Please welcome billy bush. cheers and applause band playing thanks for being here. Thank you. Stephen now, this is the first interview you have done about what happened on that bus since donald trump became our president. Right. Stephen and since he started privately denying that thats him on that bus. Yeah. Stephen okay. laughter by the way, ewould also like to say thats not me on the bus. You dont get to say that because i was there and the last 14 months of my life i have been dealing with it. You dealt with it for 14 minutes and went on to be the president. Stephen all right. Dont give away the ending. laughter so remind us about the specifics of the tape. If you dont mind, im going to roll the tape and explain to us can ewith make a deal its the last time or no . Stephen well, heres the crazy thing thats actually a good point because you have this new editorial you wrote in the New York Times printed today, and i dont know when you wrote it or wanted to say whats in here, because its a wellwritten editorial and you make a lot of points in here which its really worth reading, but no one would have printed this unless this story had some back around again by donald trump privately denying it. There wouldnt have been sort of the moment to bring this bus back, and i couldnt show this footage of the bus unless he denied it again, too. I dont think cbs would have let me. Thats right. No, look, he, last week, for some reason came out with thats not my voice on the tape. Like i said, you cant say that. I was there, you were there, thats your voice on the tape. I told you about my own personal problem with it, but then youve got 20 women at the time i dont know what the exact number is because there is more but 20 women who used their names. Weve got powerful people being held accountable now and sometimes there is anonymous sources. All of these women came out with their names and told their detailed accounts. So when he said this, it infuriated me on the personal front, and then i ended up googling and i read an article with all of these womens accounts because, when that article first came out, it was 13 days after i had been fired, so i was in my own personal shock, fight or flight, and, so, i never really read it all the way, and as i read these, i said, 20 women dont get together and say, hey, you know what would be really fun . Lets take down a powerful guy together. Ha ha. No, they dont. And their names. And i said, youre reopening wounds on them, too. Enough is enough. Stop playing around with peoples lives. cheers and applause that upset me. So i wrote. Stephen well, and as i said, him saying that actually brought this particular subject around in conjunction with sort of the cultural moment were in now where revelations of sexual abuse, harassment and impropriety are putting new spot lights on the accusations of the president. And he stuck, im going to say his finger in this door hinge by denying this. Its really dumb. Hes a dumb dumb. I described it. cheers and applause i described it. Stephen hold on to your describing. No, im trying to keep you from airing it. Stephen were going to air it and cut everything other than this clip. Jim . Im automatically attracted to beautiful women. Stephen whats your reaction when you hear it almost a year and a half later . The first time i heard it was three days before it leaked and, so, it was like a gut punch. Its a gut punch now. It will always be. At the time, you know, it was 2005, and his ratings were through the roof and he was the big star of nbc, and i sort of equated what he was saying to some kind of, you know, crass standup act, andrew dyess clay performance, hes not home, he doesnt actually do those things. Stephen the camera wasnt on him. Why did it seem like a performance to you . He was regaling the seven guys on there and doing his bit. Stephen so he was just sort of if i thought it was a man detailing a Sexual Assault strategy to me i would have called the f. B. I. , not just reported it to my executive producer. So that was it for me. Stephen so why were you on the bus with him to begin with again . Well, it was season three of the apprentice. I was with him a lot. Stephen youre the host. Like i wrote in the oped, a lot of us were, the big word is complicit. But everyone has to kiss the ring a bit of the donald because he was making so much money for nbc. Stephen and where was he wearing that ring . laughter applause piano riff i dont want to make too light of it because you state in here i dont know exactly the phrases you use but you feel shame when you think of your behavior, being associated with donald trump, that you gave up some part you everself to a man you didnt respect. Thats right. Well, i mean, no question, i feel like i sacrificed a let built of who i am in the moment, and, like i said, i dont know if well ever get to the place where we advance the conversation because right now were talking to victims and perpetrators and were seeing story after story after story. Eventually we all say in the media we would like to see the conversation elevate and, when we do, well get into how do you talk to boys in peewee hockey in locker rooms and teach them when the conversation gets degrading, how do you either exit the conversation, change the topic or intervene in some way . Theres a lot that needs to be done on that front. I hope that we do get there because ive spent a lot of time thinking about it. Stephen can i ask you a few of the things he said that i didnt understand . Sure. Stephen i moved on her like a pitch but i couldnt get there. I dont understand that sentence. What does that mean . A lot of what he says i dont understand. Stephen no matter how i interpret it i dont understand. What did you take it to mean in the moment . I think he was calling himself a i think he meant him, which is totally confused and backwards. You know, he gets going and i dont think he really nose stephen he said i took her furniture shopping. Does that seem like a common foreplay to you . How could you resist an armoire . On top of the advances of donald. Stephen mmhmm. No, i moved on her that really confused me, too. He was like a repeater. He repeats things twice, says them twice because his mind is catching up to where he went, you know what i mean . Its going to be beautiful. He says whats next . Im going to say beautiful again while i think of whats next. Thats what he does. Stephen you said youre not proud of your behavior on that bus. Youre laughing along with everybody else at the horrible things hes saying. Yeah. Stephen i would describe your behavior as boorish and sort of calo, but youre not the person dragging about assault, youre not the person accused of assault. No. Stephen one of your lost your jobs, and one of you became president of the United States. Its ironic. Stephen do you remember which one of those it is, at this point . Am i the president . Stephen no, youre not. No, i lost my job. Stephen when you saw him get elected, what was your reaction . Stephen, its an unbelievable irony. The very day he was swearing in as the 45th president of the United States, i was checking in to this soul searching retreat in santa lena, california, nine days off the grid, no phone, you had to check in your phone. It was the beginning of me saying, all right, get up, stop being sorry for yourself, stop worrying about these things, theres life to live, lets go, get better b a better man, better person. I passed the television in the office when i was checking in. Hes got the hand up and im going into my little cabin to do the work. Tough. Stephen yeah. Irony. Stephen how do you feel about nbc firing you . In light of matt lauer being fired for allegations of sexual impropriety . Its a difficult time. I think it was very hot emotionally in the country. A lot of people were not comfortable with the man who was closed to winning the election and a lot of things happened quickly, but my boss, months later, said pluckily, i think we may have moved a little quickly. Stephen did they move on you like a bitch . cheers and applause i set myself up. Stephen but do you think you worked on the today show. Matt lauer protected eople from being fired from that show. Do you wish he would have protected you . We had a conversation about that. He told me that he went private lito the bosses and look that line. I said i appreciate it and accepted it and thanked him. Stephen you believed he did it . Yeah, i would say i would have liked a chance to be able to address the audience that following monday, but it was after the debate and i think the tape made it in time for the debate. I would have liked to have ever addressed the audience. Stephen would you like to do it now . Well, here we are. Stephen what do you think this means in the cultural context of the moment now where women must be believed . Yeah, i agree with your question, women must be believed, and we kind of have to find our way to have the dialogue. Im worried that the dialogue isnt going to be around because we get on to the next thing, we get on to our phones, the next outrage comes, we have to continue it all the way through and i hope we do that. Stephen interestingly, this particular moment hasnt ended. No. Stephen started with harvey weinstein, at least the latest it regulation of it, and goes on to this moment. I think the bus ride was the tip of the iceberg. Stephen one more thing to ask before we go, did you tweet this the other day . Put an instagram . What happened to you in this photograph . I was playing golf with some friends and i got hit in the face with a 3wood one away from a driver from 60 yards and a terrible slice right into the side of my head. Stephen and is there any chance donald trump let that ball . I did see a golf cart speeding away. It was a guy in a pair of pleated khakis, very high, white shirt, red hat, going quickly. Stephen giant ass . Terrible panty lines. applause but the doctor told me if it was half an inch higher you might have died. I said, im finally lucky, this is great. Stephen thank you for being here and this editorial. Billy bush, everybody its worth reading Gwendoline Christie is coming up, but when we come back taxe cheers and applause band playing Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody give it up for the band right there cheers and applause wow. Jon jon hey stephen if im not mistaken, my understanding was that you were down at the Kennedy Center honors that taped this weekend. Jon yes. Stephen who was that . Jon i was incredible. I was really glad to be there. The president wasnt there, so everybody was kind of free to be. Stephen okay. Jon you know . Stephen yeah, i would normally host. Jon i know, they were asking a lot about you. They were saying wheres stephen . Whats going on . And i told them you had a big interview to prairpt prepare for today. Jon yeah. Stephen and people would like to keep me away from washington as much as possible. Jon i think you should have gone. Stephen really . Jon i think you could have said a lot of nice things going on in the world. Stephen Lionel Richie and ll cool j were on this week. Did you say hi for me . Jon i told them hi and goodbye. I said, hello, they said, wheres stephen, i said, hes not here. Goodbye. applause thats how that went. Stephen well, i wish i could have been in washington, d. C. To congratulate the Senate Republicans because they finally did it, and by it, i mean anything. Because, on saturday morning at 2 00 a. M. , they passed a tax bill. Its called the tax cuts and jobs act, shortened from its original name the billionaire strokejob act. laughter you might remember how trump unveiled the plan last week. With trump as your president , we are going to be celebrating Merry Christmas again, and its going to be done with a big, beautiful tax cut. Stephen yes, this bill celebrates the true meaning of christmas a poor Family Living in a barn after being spurned by a hotel owner. See, in the story of the nativity, they cant get into the inn. Read the bible. All my jokes are better if you read the bible first. laughter because when they said this tax cut would help millions of people, they meant people with millions. Though, republicans say the bill will lead to a middleclass miracle and theyre right because it will be a miracle if we still have a middle class. The bill will cut the tax rate for big businesses from 35 to 20 , the biggest reduction ever for corporations. But they promise itll be good for you because of trickle down economics. If youre not familiar with how trickle down economics works, thats cause it doesnt. laughter applause never has. piano riff but the idea is that cutting taxes for the wealthy will spur them to invest and create new jobs. As you can see from this poll of Business Leaders at a forum last month with white house economic adviser gary cohn. Let me ask you all a quick question. If the tax reform bill goes through, do you plan to increase investment uh your companys investment, capital investment, just a show of hands, if tax reform goes through . Okay. Why arent the other hands up . laughter stephen come on, guys, why arent your hands up . We talked about this. Stop drinking champagne and slapping orphans there are cameras here. And this bill comes at a price. That price . Money. The c. B. O. Estimates that the tax bill will increase the deficit by 1. 4 trillion. Thats a huge loss well, trump did say hed run the country like he ran his business. applause thats it . Dont make fun of the mans casinos. Hes somebodys little boy. laughter but the bill is unpopular with one segment of the population people. laughter just onequarter of americans approve of g. O. P. Tax plan, with 49 of people who were aware of the measure saying they opposed it. But its still polling very well amongst unawareamericans, like the lobbying group coma patients for whatevers going on right now. laughter so how did the republicans pass something so unpopular . As quickly as possible. Look at this video posted late friday night by montana senator john tester. Its the night were going to voting on the tax bill. I just got the tax bill 25 minutes ago. This is the tax bill. See how thick it is . Heres the modifications that are in it. I can read one word, its called add this language. Can you tell me what that word is . Stephen all right, ill try. Attribadablix. Attribadablix. Yes. Its a common word as in, this bill is going to hit the middle class right in the attribadablix. laughter applause well be right back with Gwendoline Christie. cheers and applause band playing i remember the warmth and the wonder. Twinkling lights mixed with the scent of spruce. And now, my chance to relive it all. Magic. We have a fragrance for that. Glade limited edition fragrances. If you could see your cough, youd see all the sickness youre spreading. Robitussin cf max. Nothing lasts longer and treats more symptoms for your cough, cold and flu. elevator bell ringing robitussin cf max severe. Because its never just a cough. Robitussin cf max severe. All smartphones are more or less the same, right . But this is the moto z. Hello moto. Can your phone turn into a projector . Because a 70 inch projection beats any phone screen. And they might be bragging about portrait mode. But can your phone go beyond and transform into a real 360 camera . Its time to reinvent your smartphone. 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This condition has not been reported with entyvio. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, experience frequent infections or have flulike symptoms or sores. Liver problems can occur with entyvio. If your uc or crohns treatment isnt working for you, ask your gastroenterologist about entyvio. Entyvio. Relief and remission within reach. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back to the show ladies and gentlemen, you know my next guest as brienne of tarth in game of thrones, and captain phasma in the new star wars movies. Please welcome Gwendoline Christie cheers and applause band playing hi. Stephen hello. Hi. Stephen nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too. Stephen now, you are known for playing a couple of real bad asses. Obviously for people who may not know, theres brienne of tarth cheers and applause and here is captain phasma right there. cheers and applause let me ask you something, the last movie, you know, i really enjoyed it, im looking forward to the next one, but i kept on waiting for you to take this damn helmet off so i could see Gwendoline Christie. Did you think you would be taking the helmet off in the last movie . When i was lucky enough to be cast in star wars, it was a tiny role. It was only a couple of days. A few things evolved, actually, which was disney found that the character was really working for them. J. J. Created this character, and what they and i particular loved about it is in all the Mainstream Media and entertainment, we are not used to relating to a female character based on conventionally much other than the way the woman looks. So in phelps, you know, i always used to get very frustrated when i was little about the woman seemed to be the girlfriend character, the mother or nonessential to the plot and often scantly clad in some way. So the idea of a genderless suit of armor for a female character in a Star Wars Film where youre not forming a relationship with her based on how she looks or her body looks felt exciting to me. It was a practical suit of armor and that air of mystery in an age we live in where there is just an avalanche of information actually felt really refreshing to me. Stephen i like practical suit of armor. Practical suit of armor stephen thats a practical suit of armor right there. That is in space stephen i know. Its not like the princess leah. God bless princess leah. Just like the brass up here and down there. Yeah. Stephen normally women are given a breast plate and not much of one at that. And you dont need anything more. Stephen and a thong or Something Like that. Yeah, youve got your thong to keep you warm, love laughter stephen how funky does it get inside these helmets . What are you trying to say . Stephen it must be get kind of sweaty in there. Not that ive got a disco going on inside it. Stephen no, i dont mean furvegy like disco beat no, im enjoying myself stephen how sweaty . If you think for one second i perspire, you are wrong. laughter applause stephen you glow. I didnt glow, captain phasma glows stephen j. J. Said youre his favorite character in the new star wars movies. What is it so special about captain phasma . I fess what im saying, is there neg you can tell us about what captain phasma does . I should have you know that ive already talked to j. J. And theyve told me about the big surprise. Yeah. Stephen and whats your impression of that big surprise in the movie . Well, let me just go ahead and tell you what happens in the end. Stephen oh, that would be great. Well turn off the cameras. laughter can you tell me anything about captain phasma . What i can tell you stephen does she have a happy childhood . What do you think . Stephen no, i dont think she had a happy someone who likes to Wear Clothing that devoids them of any senses clearly had a very happy childhood, feels comfortable and relaxed with the world, no issues here. laughter i think what i can tell you stephen yes. Is that well, weve seen a trailer. Do you know what . Im feeling spicey. Weve seen a trailer. Stephen yes. And in that trailer there appeared to be some kind of conflict. laughter have you watched the trailer . Stephen yes, you and finn. Okay, now i know you watched the trailer. Stephen do you think im going to lie to one of my guests . I dont know, we just met stephen i see every movie, ive read every book. Okay, now i know that. Stephen im lying. Who are you . Youre as mysterious as captain phasma laughter stephen you grew up in the english countryside. Yes, i did. Stephen what was the own town. I grew up in a tiny village in the foot of the downs which are hills. A down is a gentle, rolling hill, where i come from. Stephen okay. Thats where a young, tall girl grew up and was released into the worlder and spent her days in forests and fields. That is all true. Stephen this is all true. This is true stephen your parents would release you into the world . Go forth, child go forth and frolic in the woods laughter stephen do you still live in the country. No, sorry. Stephen do you miss it . No, sorry. laughter stephen did you study in london . I did. Stephen okay. Where did you go . I went to drama center london, which is a classical methods school. Stephen aso supposed to just a classical school. Stephen and was this sort of method acting is like stan stanislovski. He said a soldier is an iron disciplinarian. You had to help out in the thirdyear productions, and they kind of broke you down and made something out of you in a way where you put yourself together. We had to work on the third year productions and dismantle the stage after theyd done the agent show case. I ewalked in and said, hey, what can i do . They handed me a scaff spanner and said get down on the floor and dismantle the stage. I said, but im wearing this rickety old jumper they said, get down on the floor and take down the stage it lowered my opinion of designer clothes. laughter stephen star wars the last jedi opens december 15. Gwendoline christie, everybody well be right back. cheers and applause you are a city city wall, city wall she could be dancing down a hall, dancing down a hall were turning heads, were turning heads, were turning heads, oh yeah and nothing can stop us now im never gonna be able ill take a sick day tomorrow. On our daughters birthday . Moms dont take sick days. Moms take nyquil severe. The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, fever, best sleep with a cold, medicine. cheers and applause band playing we cantwhy . Y here flat toilet paper ill never get clean way ahead of you. avo charmin ultra strong. It cleans better. Its four times stronger and you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. Ayep, and my teeth are yellow. . Time for whitestrips. Crest glamorous White Whitestrips are the only adaaccepted whitening strips proven to be safe and effective. And they whiten 25x better than a leading whitening toothpaste. Crest. Healthy, beautiful smiles for life. Youre so cold, come in whats wrong . Its dry. Your scalp . Mine gets dry in the winter too. Try head and shoulders dry scalp care it nourishes the scalp and. Keeps you up to 100 flake free head and shoulders dry scalp care laughter okay, when youre ready. I see you when youre sleeping. I know when youre awake. laughter okay, thats good. Lets try it again, maybe a little more jolly, like santa. laughter i see you when youre sleeping. I know when youre awake. I watch you when youre sleeping. Oh, yeah. I know when youre awake. I know. laughter im making a list and checking it twice. Im going to find out whos naughty or nice. I think maybe thats a little too intimidating. I think its right. Do you understand what san ata is saying, hes making a list, naughty, nice, hes detailed, singleminded. Hes an eye in the sky bringing swift judgment laughter okay, but hes also brig toys to children. Not the naughty ones. Let me tell you something about that reindeer that ran over grandma i will look for him. I will find him. And i will kill him. laughter applause but do you mind if i try something . Thats not a question. laughter clearing throat okay. Release the kringle weland you look amazinglyes youcomfortable. When your vneck looks more like a uneck. Thats when you know, its halfwashed. Add downy to keep your collars from stretching. Unlike detergent alone, downy conditions to smooth and. Strengthen fibers. So, next time dont halfwash it. Downy and its done. Sorry. I cant make it. Its just my eczema again, but its fine. Yeah, its fine. You ok . Eczema. Its fine. Hey hi arent you hot . Eczema again . Its fine. I saw something the other day. Eczema exposed. Your eczema could be something called atopic dermatitis, which can be caused by inflammation under your skin. Maybe you should ask your doctor . Go to eczemaexposed. Com to learn more. Its softer than ever. Charmin ultra soft is twice as absorbent so you can use less. And its softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird we all go, why not enjoy the go with charmin . cheers and applause stephen thats it for the late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be saoirse ronan, van jones, and musical guest morrissey. Now stick around for james corden and his guests denis leary and bob odenkirk. Good night cheers a captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show ladies and gentlemen, all the way from beaver