One brain leaves first question what is the name of the invisible force that holds us to the earth . President trump . Frankly, people still dont know all of the facts. No, we do know the facts. Weve known since the 1700s. Secretary tillerson, your answer . Im not going to deal with petty stuff like that. I wouldnt call it petty. Its the cornerstone of all physics. Back to you, president trump. When i make a statement, i like to be correct. I dont blame you, but you havent yet made one. Gentlemen, lets go over the rules. In order for us to assess your intelligence, you need to at least attempt to answer the question secretary tillerson, your answer . I have answered that question repeatedly. No, no, you havent. Please, take a guess. I do not, and i will not operate that way. Both are morons but more importantly, were all screwed both are morons were all screwed announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, russias secret pokemon play. Plus, stephen welcomes conan obrien. And tig notaro. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen wooo hey how are you . Hey, everybody thank you. Just a little sweep right there. Hey, everybody thanks so much. Welcome to the late show, everybody. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. It is cheers and applause you cant you cant ask for a better friday crowd than that. You cant. cheers and applause thats the Gold Standard. piano riff thats the Gold Standard of a friday crowd. cheers and applause thats it. Well, ladies and gentlemen, on this lovely friday, ive got some good news and bad news for fans of pokemon go. The good news is, you can stop now. Its 2017. laughter weve moved on to fidget spinners and avocado toast, and then forgotten those, too. The bad news is it was just reported that even pokemon go was used by the russianlinked, electionmeddling effort. We shouldve seen this coming. No, we should have seen this coming, ladies and gentlemen. After all, a squirtle isnt just a pokemon. Its also what trump requested in that Russian Hotel room. cheers and applause i could barely get that out. My tongue wouldnt let me. My tongue did not want me to say that joke. Jon wow, wow stephen squirtle. But, apparently jon squirtle, squirtle. Stephen russians posing as part of a black lives matter group used pokemon go to exploit racial tensions and sow discord among americans. So yet another Online Institution has been violated by russia. If only there was someone who couldve warned us how important this was. I dont know who created pokemon go, but id try to figure out how we get them to have pokemon go to the polls stephen so they hacked her, too. laughter if only shed pokemon gone to michigan and wisconsin. cheers and applause piano riff and who knows wisconsin fans. Midwestern fans michigan, wisconsin who knows how this whole russia thing is going to play out, but im hoping Robert Mueller is going to catch em all. cheers and applause of course, so much happened this week. Trump repealed part of obamacare, he talked about pulling out of nafta and the iran deal. Plus, he threatened to start a thermonuclear war with nbc news. So, you may have missed a some ranging interview trump gave on fox news. He started the interview by ripping the media. Media is bad. They are really dishonest people. When youre the one thats being written about, you know, if its good or bad, and its always they try and make it negative. So the media has turned out i call it fake media. Stephen no, you dont you call it fake news. laughter thats your catchphrase, and youve already forgotten it . Like i always said on the apprentice, meatloaf, you are the weakest link. laughter you and because he would say youre fired. And it wasnt just domestic issues. Trump also touched on our tense relationship with iran. Iran are great people, and they want freedom, and they want to be sort of friendly with us. I really believe that. But they are dancing in the streets, and they are singing death to america. Stephen wait, do they want us dead or are they friendly . You cant have it both ways. laughter hey, cheryl, youre doing great down in accounts receivable. Also, death to cheryl. laughter it was also jon wow. Stephen im sure cheryl seems nice. I dont know why i said cheryl. Anyone named cheryl out there, we just picked that name out of a hat. laughter it was also clear that trump is still obsessed with the 2016 election. Winning the Electoral College is so easy for a democrat. To win the Electoral College for a democrat is almost like a given. The Electoral College, i never appreciated. I would rather have a popular vote. For me, the popular vote is easier. Stephen hey, we can go by the popular vote if you want. cheers and applause i could think of a few Million People who would be cool im okay with that. You okay . Jon im cool with that. You want to do that . Lets do that. Lets do that. Stephen then trump had big news about his border wall. Right now weve built five prototypes. They just are going up. Some of them are all ready finished. I will say, they are really looking good. They are really looking good. Stephen really, really looking good. Im just saying, if they werent my wall, perhaps id be dating them. Really. But it is true this part is true. He has started building prototypes for the border wall. Right now, theyre out in san diego. There they are. Theres a Helicopter Shot of them. Though, if you look carefully, there is a flaw immigrants can just run right through those gaps right there. laughter okay . But i think using all these different samples, i think this might be part of a larger plan, a master plan, okay . He cant get mexico to pay for it, but if he gets enough companies to build samples, boom free wall. laughter same way i tiled my bathroom. piano riff applause so lets take a look i have the photos of the samples right here. Lets take a look at these potential border walls. First up, we have the venetian. laughter this delightful open concept for a closed border. Seethrew means that immigrants can see a better life, but they cant touch it. laughter next, say hello to the continental. A bit of a drab slab, but meticulous detailing. Just look at the decorative fringe of bespoke razor spikes. Fun feature it keeps people out, but also makes the country seem like a prison from the inside. Its a twofer finally, theres the most popular model, the monolith 30 feet of pure, reinforced concrete. This model is the apotheosis of brutalist architecture paired with the timeless tradition of fearing brown people. Enjoy. Jon ooooh stephen and i didnt build it im not in favor of the idea. You know, its been a rough week for facebook. Mark zuckerberg just had to apologize for whats being called a tonedeaf virtual trip to puerto rico. Heres what happened it started innocently enough, when zuckerberg was launching a promotion of their facebook spaces Virtual Reality feature. All right. Hi, everyone. We are live in Virtual Reality. We are in facebook spaces. And i am here with rachael. Hi, everybody stephen amazing. That avatar is actually less awkward than the real mark zuckerberg. laughter its fun, its cool. All they had to do was not use a tragedy to promote it. All right. So now we are in a 360 video in puerto rico. Stephen what . You dont go to a disaster zone to push your product the new dyson vacuum uses the same cyclonic action that the tornado that just destroyed this town with. That didnt that did not stop applause no, thank you. Thats all right. Thats all right. We want me to show you pictures of the wall again . That did not stop zuckerberg from being impressed. One of the things thats really magical about Virtual Reality is you can get the feeling that youre really in a place. Stephen its true. With this product, it really felt like facebook was up its own ass. laughter jon oh stephen wow its so realistic oh, look, look theres the exact spot where we pulled this idea from weve got a great show for you tonight conan obrien is here tig notaro, here stick around, wont you feel the power of thenew power. Smax. To fight back theraflus powerful new formula to defeat 7 cold and flu symptoms. Fast. So you can play on. Theraflu expressmax. New power. Gives skin the moisture it needs and keeps it there longer with lockin Moisture Technology skin is petal smooth after all, a cleansers just a cleanser unless its olay. [ [ all ] by simon anbees funkel ] [ all ] bees the volkswagen atlas. With easyaccess 3rd row. Lifes as big as you make it. Whget more bang for your buck with 15 kohls cash for every 50 spent earn it on everything even our biggest brands all week long the more you shop the more kohls cash youll get no limit so when you give joy, you get joy all this week only at kohls. Sorry. I cant make it. Its just my eczema again, but its fine. Yeah, its fine. You ok . Eczema. Its fine. Hey hi arent you hot . Eczema again . Its fine. I saw something the other day. Eczema exposed. Your eczema could be something called atopic dermatitis, which can be caused by inflammation under your skin. Maybe you should ask your doctor . Go to eczemaexposed. Com to learn more. applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back to the show ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is currently the longest serving latenight host on tv. Hes the old man in the mountain. Hes the mandarin without melanin. Please welcome conan obrien cheers and applause cheers and applause thank you very much thank you so much everybody have a seat cheers and applause cheers and applause cheers stephen welcome back. Welcome back to the ed sullivan theater. Thank you. cheers and applause thank you very much. Please, sir, youve been drinking. laughter stephen last time you were here you were with dave. Thats right, david letterman. Stephen i remember, yeah. It was a couple of years ago. First of all, i want to congratulate you. Youre doing an amazing job. This guy is doing a great job. cheers and applause stephen oh, thanks very much. I mean that from my heart. I never miss a show. I caught tuesdays show, tracee ellis ross, i think it was. Stephen yes, thanks, thanks, yeah. You know, its funny that night, and i dont know why, i was thinking about you. laughter i knew it stephen yeah, i didnt say anything to anybody, but in here. I was watching the tv so hard that night. laughter and i could see i was getting into your head stephen yeah. And i was all the way back in l. A. stephen wow. Where i was on tuesday. laughter stephen exactly. You know. Talk about this with tig notaro, my next guest tonight. Talk with this about her. She wants to talk to you, i heard. Yeah, i saw her backstage. Shes the next one on. Stephen yeah. By the way, i know youre a fan of daves. Im a huge fan of daves. This is dave letterman, again, right. Stephen david letterman. Also, dave, the guy from wendys. Yes wendys has the best burger. Stephen theyre square. David letterman. We all grew up revering david letterman. Stephen of course, dave is the best. You wrote a lovely tribute to him in e. W. Right before he left as he was departing this stage, i wanted to write an appreciation piece, and so i wrote a piece about dave stephen did you ever hear from him . Did he ever say, thanks for that . Did he talk to you after i did hear from him, yes. I did hear from him. What happened was i wrote this nice appreciation piece for dave and i just said how much he meant to me and to all the comedians of my generation. And then word came back that dave appreciated what i had written, and that hed be sending me something my way. And i was like, this is i mean stephen sure. I was excited and i thought this is going to be an amazing bottle of wine, chocolates, hummel figurines that are hard to find, something really extraordinary, i was looking forward to it. But i thought this will be cool. So its the next day, and its an hour before the show. I can talk to you because youre a fellow host. Stephen sure. An hour before the show, youre concentrating, youre getting ready stephen yeah, a pressure cooker. Your body is being waxed, oiled stephen youre being lowered into the suit. Yeah, exactly. And the wardrobe guy, stop eating laughter and i hear theres a truck thats trying to get on to the Warner Brothers lot in los angeles and is having a hard time getting on the lot. And i said, what do you mean . They said, its too wide. The truck is so big it cant get on the lot and its carrying the gift from dave. My mind starts to go nuts. Because you and i, weve done well. But weve done okay. This guy stephen its dave. Its dave he owns the entire state of montana, you know. laughter stephen oh, yeah. He had the whole thing waxed. He has hes a very wealthy man and hes got, you know, his fingers in every pot, if thats even an expression stephen its not. Its not. That was terrible. Im sorry. Stephen unless the pot has pie in it. Its tuesday. Its early in the week and i have trouble its wednesday. Stephen its friday. Well fix that. Its friday. laughter applause no you dont edit that out you keep that in thats the magic laughter youve got to learn, colbert laughter stephen so, the truck cant get on the lot. Hes getting me back on track. All right. Truck cant get on the lot, and im going crazy. Because this is like, hes a car guy. This guy has porsches. Im thinking hes giving me a vintage porsche. Stephen sure. My mind went there. This is amazing. Im going to have to get the crazy leather gloves. Then they tell me its here, and its ready. I walk downstairs outside my stage. The truck is unloaded. Two cowboys in full chaps, cowboy hats, holding the biggest, most beautiful horse horse horse laughter i have ever seen. cheers and applause stephen do you ride horses . No i dont ride horses and heres the thing, they hand me a lovely note from dave. They say goodbye, and they leave. Look at my expression after theyve left look at the expression on my face. laughter applause thats a man who doesnt know what to do with a horse. Turns out, i look into it. You got to feed him. Youve got to board them. Youve got to treat them humanely. Everyone i tell says, its from david letterman. And guess what the horses name is . Dave thank you laughter stephen was it really dave, or was it a j . Yes, the horses really name is dave. Stephen does it answer to he searched all of the world for a horse named dave narcissism, maybe, and so then stephen do you have a farm . No, i dont have a farm laughter stephen, you know me. I dont have a farm. Stephen ive never been invited i barely have a house. Stephen ive never been invited to your house. Ive invested very poorly. laughter insanity i have to room it. I have to board it. Then i said, you know what . Dave gave me a horse. Im going to learn how to ride it. I go to the place where i spent a lot of money to learn how to ride it. I go to get on and they said, i wouldnt get on that horse if i were you. I said, why not . They said, that horse is crazy. laughter not kidding this is all 100 true. They said that horse is so crazy, its thrown two people who have tried to ride it. If that horse is going to stay here you have to get a letter, a legal letter, drawn up by a lawyer, an expensive horse lawyer, that will indemnify you in case the horse injures anybody. So i do that, and that costs a lot of money. At this point one of my children is not being schooled this costs so much. Stephen sure. It was the boy. It wasnt going to work out anyway. laughter hes good with his hands. laughter the thing is, they say i say to the guy, like, this horse probably getting kind of old, though, right . He went, oh, no this is a young horse. Its going to live a long time laughter im going insane. I dont know what to do. Its drain it costs a fortune, and i have the horse for two years. Finally, my wife cracks it, god bless her. She found a place and this is not a joke. I have the real website, where the horse can live its an Equine Massage Center where this is real. Think four seasons resort for horse. We donated the horse. And what happens is students massage the horse all day long so it learns so they learn how to massage a horse. And so stephen but its an insane horse. Its an insane horse, but no one is riding it. Its getting massaged all day long. If i was the horse, i would be suspicious thinking, theyre tenderizing me. laughter but no, massaged all day long. The horse is in heaven. This is a real picture of dave the horse at the massage center, has met and fallen in love with another horse coincidentally named charlie rose. laughter thats a true story stephen wow, wow that is a true story. laughter i learned then stephen i dont i dont care if its true or not. I enjoyed it so much. I know. I learned then that dave was a genius, but hes an evil genius. He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew exactly what he was doing. Stephen sighs okay. You going to be all right . Its all going to be good. Stephen no, i feel very good. Is this mine . Wheres mine . Stephen thats yours right there. No, this is like a vacation. I asked you one question and were laughter how many minutes were nine minutes in to your answer. laughter when you get a guest like you, how excited are you when you get a guest like you. Youre like, i dont have to do anything. I dont have to do anything. I dont get guests like me. laughter cheers and applause stephen you both complimented yourself and insulted your show. I complimented myself i complimented myself while putting down my show, and then waved to a crowd. That was the triple that was the trifecta right there. Thats rarely been done. Stephen weve got to take a little break. Stick around, well be right back with more conan obrien. cheers and applause back with more conan obrien. cheers and applause ou guess what i just got . Uh i used to be spellbound hello again. I used to be spellbound hi. I used to be spellbound thats a big phone. In your arms. [screams] ah, my phone. You built the flame that warms my heart, but lying and cheating has torn us apart and im moving on. Little girl and boy land while you dwell within it you are ever happy there daddy, its christmas childhoods joy land never let go of your dreams. The mercedesbenz winter event is back. Lease the glc300 for 449 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Fortified. Tored. Replenished. Emerge everyday with emergenc packed with b vitamins, antioxidants, electrolytes plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges. Why not feel this good everyday . Emerge and see. She pretty much lives in her favorite princess dress. But once a week i let her play sheriff so i can wash it. I use tide to get out those week old stains and downy to get it fresh and soft. You are free to go. Tide and downy together. When you ache and havent youre not you. Tylenol® pm relieves pain and helps you fall fast asleep and stay asleep. We give you a better night. Youre a better you all day. Tylenol®. Youve worked hard. Busted tail. And impressed the boss. Maybe its time to be your own . Transform your career with strayer universitys mba program today. Lets get it. applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back. Were here with the lovely and talented conan obrien. You have gone to seven countries in the last two years. Uhhuh. Stephen you went to cuba. Yup. Stephen armennia. Qatar, south korea, germany, mexico, and most recently you went to israel. Yup, yup. Stephen incredible trip. Yup. Stephen i love following it, and you posted it on twitter, too. I loved the posting of the places you went. What did you love most about going to israel . Because i think this is a fantastic idea, you go to be a common fool, you know, for for two people who dont talk to each other like the palestinians and israelis. Youre the Common Element and they both think youre ridiculous, i imagine. laughter applause thats not the way i would have put it, but yes. laughter stephen i meant that as a compliment. I know. laughs i i love my greatest joy is trying to make people laugh that dont even speak english, dont know who i am. I love that. I love going to these other countries. And this idea started very naturally when we went to cuba and then it sort of took off from there. But its a little bit of quasi diplomacy through comedy. Just, i like to show that americans are curious. Were humble. Were okay to look ridiculous. Its okay if you laugh at us. Because stephen every time i see you doing one of these, i think, oh, damn it, that was such a great idea. I feel like youve stolen something great from the rest of us. Yes, more or less. laughter stephen no really, honestly. You know what was nice is that its its something that has energized me the last couple of years. Its given me since we started doing it, i love it so much, that it gives me, you know, someone who gets to my point with one of these shows might think its time to go join the horse at the equine massage school. laughter stephen sounds good. But i have all of this energy now, because i absolutely love doing it, and they let us go anywhere. When i show up with a camera crew, they let us into places that normally they wouldnt let other people stephen you were in the holy land. We were in the holy land Stephen Roman catholic. Yup, roman catholic. Stephen what was it like . Did you go to the via della rosa . We went to a bunch of the sites, but we wanted to, we asked, is it okay if we see the church of the nativity . And they said yes. Now, the church of the nativity, this is where they say that christ was born on this spot. Stephen the manger . They say the manger is down there. And they said, come on in. You can come in, and you can come down with your camera crew and with your sound operator. You can come down and shoot this for your show. Because this is very important. We know who you are. We know you have come to israel on this mission of peace. Come on down. So we start going down long, winding steps that take you beautiful, amazing church, and then it gets claustrophobic, into the ground, spiraling. I have a cameraman with a big camera. I have a sound guy who has got a giant machine strapped to his chest with sound dials and he has a long boom microphone. I dont know if you guys have one. Its like six feet long ill buy you one. laughter its got, like, a big fluffy mic at the end, and thats how he gets the sound. And were going down the steps, and im noticing the thing swinging around kind of wildly. And we get down to the bottom. And they say, this, this is the site where christ was born. And its very powerful. Theyre showing you, this is where christ was born. And my sound guy is struggling with his big, long stick. And i dont want to sell him out and give his name or anything but its jason munoz. laughter his guild number is 44245. But hes doing the best he can. And they say, this is where christ was born. And they have another star about five feet away and they say, this is where he was laid in the manger. They say this is where christ was born, and this and i see jason swing around with the boom, hit an 800yearold lamp thats hanging from the ceiling, hot oil off the candles. Down on to jason, some got on the priest, he was fine. And the thing is creaking. And the guy is saying, over here is where three stooges sketch, thing comes around, wham bang stephen set fire to the nativity im sure somewhere christ is like, get him out of there laughter get him out get him stephen somewhere . Christ is somewhere saying that . Hes everywhere saying that. Hes someplace specific in my mind. Stephen okay. We all have different theories about where christ may be exactly, stephen. Stephen well, im glad you didnt destroy the church of the nativity. laughter got out of there. I didnt mean to do that. Stephen nobody means to. I am telling laughter i am telling you, i am telling all countries that might see this, let us in. Let me in. Dont let the sound guy in. laughter thats all im saying. Stephen we have to take another break. Im sorry, but we do. Well be right back with more conan obrien, dont go anywhere cheers and applause new charmin ultra soft its softer than ever. New charmin ultra soft is softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird. Enjoy the go with charmin hthey know aboutn famiFamily Tradition. 73. My favorite Family Tradition . Exchanging gifts. It allows me to showcase my tremendous range as an actor. What could this be . You shouldnt have i love it i actually brought these myself. Theres more behind the star. [ ]. Hurry in to old navy. This wednesday through friday only, get fifty percent off your entire purchase. Friday instore only, get cozy socks for the family for one dollar. For every pair sold, old navy will donate one dollar to boys and girls clubs up to a million dollars. Get fifty percent off your entire purchase, this wednesday through friday, at old navy. applause stephen hey, everybody were back here with conan obrien. Now, we did this puber me challenge last week, puerto rico relief. And there were a lot of good ones. There were a lot of good ones out there, but there was only one that was visible from space. laughter applause unbelievable. Unbelievable. Yeah. piano riff what a sweet kid. Thats a kid that dreamed one day ill have a horse. laughter stephen you look like youre not quite making contact with the lens. Youre falling slowly in love with the photographers Left Shoulder there. laughter yeah, yeah. Stephen so this little boy went on to be a serious kid at harvard university, wanted to be a serious writer, i understand. Yeah. Stephen youre a youre a big Flannery Oconnor fan, i understand. Yes. Stephen so am i. Thats really nice. Stephen everything that rises must converge. Whats your favorite Flannery Oconnor short story . Probably a good man is hard to find. Stephen thats great. The enduring chill for me. Yes. I also love wise blood. Stephen sure. And we are losing audience so fast right now. laughter stephen they turned off the cameras halfway through that horse story. Its just all of this laughter applause cheers stephen but i understand you wanted to be a serious writer. What happened to the im not answering your questions now. laughter what the hell was that no, im kidding. laughs no, its funny, because when i first got into comedy i very much didnt want people to know people didnt know anything about me when i got the late night show, and i got it so abruptly, nobody knew who i was. And the one thing they found out is that i had gone to harvard and i was horrified by that because stephen why . Because there are a lot of people that think, oh hes one of those. Hes going to come on the air with a pipe. Hes going to think hes better than us. And i bet hes a real creep. Sorry, harvard, but thats what happens. laughter and i had worked very hard. I had been a very serious i was funny with my friends, but i was a really hardworking kid, and i had worked really hard, and i had gone to this school and i was very proud of the work i had done and i wanted to be a serious writer and then i got involved in comedy when i was in college. When i graduated my parents gave me a harvard class signet ring. And it meant a lot that my parents gave it to me. So they gave me this ring and i put it on my finger and wore it when i just first graduated in 1985. I was 22 years old. And i go out to l. A. To get started in comedy. And i didnt have a lot of money. I was living in a 380amonth apartment at the time and i fell in with a bunch of other comedy writers. They said, do you want to play basketball with us. You are tall. I said yes thats the only thing that qualified me, seriously. So i started playing pickup games in basketball with improvisers and comedians. And we would do it in different venues, and one day they picked a venue that was sort of in east l. A. And i had never been in that part of town before. I go down there, and im playing basketball and im having a good time and someone passes me the ball really fast, and it jams up my finger. I forgot to take off the ring which i always did. And the finger starts to swell up around the ring. And somebody said, you have to go to the emergency room and get that off its a problem. And i said, really, i cant. They said, you have to go to the emergency room. Its bad. I went to the nearest emergency room and its a tough emergency room. Theres real stuff going on there. And im waiting in the emergency room. They put me in a room and i swear to god this is a real story. Im in this room, im standing there im 22yearold me. Im standing there and im holding my hand and a woman comes in with a clip board and she goes, whats your problem . The guy says, i got shot in the face. A guy shot me in the face with a. 22 and it went through my cheek and im bleeding shes like, whats your story . There were two pit bulls fighting and i tried to break it up and they tore the flesh off my arm. Whats your story . My friend threw acid on me. And then she was like, you and everyone looked at me and i go, the ring the harvard ring is tight applause its a tight ring laughter they cut it off. They made me wait for hours. They cut it off and bent it back nine times like, screw you, buddy and gave it back to me. It looked like a little it looked like it had reentered orbit when they were done with it. laughter stephen do you still have the ring . I dont. It was useless to me afterwards. I think i threw it at someone in rage. laughter stephen well, lovely to have you here. cheers and applause i do love you, friend. Stephen i love you, too. Youre a good man. Congratulations. Stephen youre a good man, thank you. Conan at the apollo airs november 6 through 9 on tbs. Conan obrien everybody. Well be right back with tig notaro toasting dad im not one for speeches. But heres to. To many more years of friendship. And feasts crowd [laughing, cheering] to presents a mi familia que lo es todo. To being right here, right now, with you. 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And stop talking about it on your show. Well, its my show, and if i remember correctly, theres still a first amendment, so feel free to not listen to my show. Wait heres a pamphlet, and thats my number on the back in case you need to discuss anything further. Im nikki. Nikki, stop flirting with me. laughter stephen please welcome tig notaro cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen hi. Hi. Stephen its nice to see you again. Its nice to see you. I was backstage hanging out with clowning around with conan obrien. Stephen oh, yeah, good. Conan is here . Yes, yes. Stephen conan is here tonight . I didnt know that. Of course, hes here. Yeah. Stephen because this is friday. Yeah. Stephen and we recorded this on friday, like we recorded conan on friday. Right. Stephen and were all here together. And thats why we were back there clowning around. Stephen right. laughter because conan and i are both here right now. Stephen right. And if you had come on another night, you wouldnt have seen conan. Exactly. Stephen yeah. laughter piano riff laughter do you want we dont have to. We dont we shouldnt. laughter stephen last time you were here yes. Conan wasnt here. Stephen conan was not here. No, no, no. Im going to ask him not to come out. Yeah. laughter stephen you had a sixmonth old child the last time you were here. I imagine the child is larger now. laughter especially since they are actually two children. Stephen theyve doubled laughter well stephen is it like they were all ready twins. Stephen there were already two of them. Yeah. Stephen okay, thats interesting. And so stephen yeah, i didnt know that, yeah. I probably mentioned it. Stephen i dont think you did, no. laughter moms moms can gloss over that stuff its just, you know, thats something a man notices. Right, right. laughter yeah. There is one child we do pay way more attention to. laughter stephen youve got to. Just as an experiment. Well see. Stephen sure, youve got to. Youve got to toughen them up. You have to toughen one of them up for life, you know . Yeah, lifes easy. Stephen yeah. So. How are they . laughter well, theyre bigger. And, um stephen boy and a girl . Girl and a boy . No. laughter but theyre stephen two girls . Two boys . Two boys. Stephen two boys, all right. And theyre great. Yeah. I stephen you were looking for a mini van the last time you were here. I got one. Stephen oh, what did you go with, the Ford Aerostar . No, i went with stephen chrysler . No. Stephen crumple . A chrysler crumple. laughter i got a toyota sienna. Stephen thats a good one. Its really nice. Stephen are they sponsors . Yes. Stephen fantastic car. laughter applause incredible car. No other car to get. No other car to get. applause yeah. Its its its a nice vehicle. Works works well with the two children we have. laughter and we actually we were living in the hills, and realized we couldnt stroll the babies up or down hill. So we had to move to flat land. And, um laughter stephen meaning, like, you wouldnt it wasnt safe . Like if, if you let get of the baby carriage phew yeah, you wouldnt see the children ever again. laughter and we wanted to see them again. So. laughter we moved to flat land. Stephen okay. But still in los angeles . Yes. Stephen because i know the series takes place in mississippi. Oh, yeah, one mississippi. Stephen which is where youre from . Thats right. Stephen according to them. Im telling them that. Im not telling you that. Yeah, im originally from mississippi. Stephen do you go back there ever . Yeah, a couple of times a year. And that land is also flat. Stephen oh, yeah, sure, sure. But we film some of it in los angeles. Stephen pretending to be mississippi. Yeah, we make believe. Stephen what parts what parts of los angeles seem like mississippi to you . Only indo we shoot all interior scenes in los angeles. Stephen in los angeles. laughter okay. And any time we step outside stephen so that scene we saw was in mississippi . Well, it was in louisiana. laughter stephen do you even have children . laughter applause none of these stories its not holding up, tig. Its not holding up. Ill be honest. I dont even have a tv show. laughter i just filmed that clip so i had something to walk out to. applause stephen good. cheers you brought a game at least. Yeah. Stephen now, the new season, the new season of Second Season of one mississippi, it deals a fair amount with men sexually abusing or Sexual Harassment of women with, you know, the revelations about bill oreilly, roger ailes, harvey weinstein, do you think were at a place right now where women might feel more comfortable coming forward or see examples of how coming forward actually has ramifications for the men who did this . Do you see any hope in the terrible news . You know, i that is the key word. I hope. And i feel like there is hope. I feel like its cracking the glass, but its also something needs to be continued to continue to discuss it and push it forward. And for people to understand that its happening. Its your heroes, your people you work with, family members you have to believe people when they come forward. And even people that havent come forward yet, there are still, you know, sports figures, standup comedians, political figures theyre everywhere. And its really, really important applause i just really hope people will not drop the ball. And its such an exciting thing that these that these abusers are actually being taken down because its its really applause stephen hopefully people will be willing to continue to talk about it. Yeah. Stephen if people support them. Yeah, i mean you have to, you have to support them and encourage people to to come out and know that you will be there if and when they do. Stephen well, thanks so much for being here tonight. Thanks for having me. And i know that wasnt the funniest ending. laughter but i appreciate you stephen you dont have to be funny all the time. And im not funny all the time, and you can ask plenty of people that can back that up. laughter thanks for having me. Stephen good luck to you and all the kids. laughter one mississippi is available on amazon, and shes doing standup in d. C. This month. Tig notaro, everybody well be right back. I was wondering if an electric toothbrusthan a manual. S better and my hygienist says it does but theyre not all the same. Who knew . I had no idea. So she said, look for one thats shaped like a dental tool with a round brush head. Go pro with oralb. Oralbs rounded brush head surrounds each tooth to gently remove more plaque. And unlike sonicare, oralb is the only electric toothbrush brand accepted by the American Dental Association for its effectiveness and safety. My mouth feels so clean. Ill only use an oralb. Oralb. Brush like a pro. Stephen well, thats it for the late show, everybody. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from polynesia, give it up for your host, the one,