Hes an ignorant person. He is very much a narcissist. Idiot. And just many, many other things. Its the late show with tonight the dossier strikes again. Plus, stephen welcomes dr. Phil and captain scott kelly. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen thank you very much, thank you, thank you, thank you. Hey, everybody. Please have a seat, everybody. Thats electric. Jon yes. Stephen i hope you can feel this at home, everybody. This room is electric. I wish these people i wish these people had been here last night. Jon that would have made all the difference. Stephen would have made all the difference. These people are super stars. You either have it or you dont. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Thank you very much, citizen. Well, as you can tell by the energy in the room, its friday. And you know what we say on friday light fuse and get awa quickly. One thing we learned this week is that there is no more Republican Party. It belongs to donald trump. The g. O. P. Is now the gross orange pile. applause because hes got them, right . Hes got the balls in a little felt sack in his pocket. Trump has forced out any meaningful opposition, and everybody else is falling in line like frightened ducklings. As trump tweeted yesterday, do not underestimate the unity within the Republican Party and i believe we actually having him saying it on footage. You underestimate the. Unity. Of the dark side. Stephen but among his allies are our enemies. Its time for this weeks russia roundup. applause remember the dossier . You guys remember that . Yeah . The collection of dirt on trumps russia connections . Well, its in the news again. And before you ask no, we dont have the peepee tape. Youll know when we do. laughter it will be on a loop. But we did learn this week that the Clinton Campaign and the d. N. C. Paid for the research that led to the dossier. That is a huge scandal for our sitting not president. She might be unpeached. laughter of course, donald trump made a big deal of it, retweeting a fox friends bulletin, Clinton Campaign and d. N. C. Paid for research that led to the antitrump fake news dossier. The victim here is the president. No, no, no, sir. Sir, the victim, as always, is that russian mattress. Youre fine. Okay, so the democrats paid to find dirt on their opponent, and they found some. And heres the scandal they didnt use it. She lost. Why didnt you use it . Forget stronger together. Why wasnt it stronger without a russian stooge who loves the peepee . laughter applause and its got a ring to it. Its got a i like ike. And before the Clinton Campaign paid a dime, this Oppo Research was actually funded by an unknown republican client during the g. O. P. Primary. Now, with 17 republicans running in last years primaries, it could have been anybody jeb bush. Its jeb bush. laughter now, Trump Supporters are now trying to claim that clinton funding the dossier proves trumps innocence somehow. Fox news even wrote this headline trump rips clinton, d. N. C. Russia collusion reports. No no, they did not collude with russia. If they paid to find out that trump cliewlded with russia, thats not collusion. Thats like running a headline that says, trump rips al roker for colluding with humidity. laughter applause now he seemed angry. He seemed really angry right there. Now, one of the ways the Trump Campaign is accused of colluding with the russians is that they wanted to release damaging emails which were hacked by the russians and given to wikileaks. But there was no indication of any of that during the campaign, right . Russia, if youre listening, i hope youre able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing. Stephen okay, thats russia, but trump never said anything about wikileaks. Wikileaks i love wikileaks. Oh, we love wikileaks. Boy, they have really wikileaks boy, i love reading those wikileaks. Stephen okay, but thats just locker room talk. Theres no proof theres zero proof that they tried to team up with julian assange, other than this trump data guru i tried to team up with julian assange. But when he was asked about it, wikileaks founder and mike pence in witness protection, julian assange, tweeted, i can confirm an approach prior to november last year i can confirm that it was rejected by wikileaks. Thats right a fugitive, wanted by the c. I. A. , trapped in the Ecuadorian Embassy for five years, rejected an overture from what could be the next president of the united states. Whos that on the phone, donald trump . Id rather go to gitmo. Some days, i would, too. Because things are rough out there right now. Which is why its important to take the little pleasures in life and then totally ruin them, because i just heard about this investigation that alleges haribo gummi bears are made using slave labor. Jon oh stephen yes, yes, yes. This is the worst news since i found out jolly ranchers are made from ranchers. laughter not so jolly now, are you . Apparently, haribos suppliers use underpaid and overworked brazilians to harvest carnauba wax, which gives gummi bears their glossy finish while preventing them from congealing together in large clumps which makes this even more tragic, because no one cares if gummi bears stick together. My favorite flavor of gummi bear is clump. Now, in response to the controversy, haribo has updated their packaging sorry bout the slaves laughter and them not me. They said that. I didnt say that. Haribo is saying that on their packaging. Its not me. And gummies arent the only food controversy out there. Cereal maker kellogs is in hot water which is a terrible way to eat cereal. Their boxes of corn pops featured this illustration of a corn pop mall, with little corn pops shopping, playing, even eating at corn on a stick. Just a fun day of corn cannibalism. laughter but if you look closely, youll notice only one of the corn pops is brown, and its the janitor. Audience oh stephen yes, yes. Jon i dont know about that. Stephen even the world of corn pops is plagued by systemic racism. Later that day, the rest of them went to a Korn Klux Klan rally. laughter plaus yeah yeah, a couple of klan fans out there. Thats nice. A big tent here at the late show. After kelloggs got called out on twitter, the company responded, tweeting, kellogg is committed to diversity and inclusion. We did not intend to offend. We apologize. The artwork is updated and will be in stores soon. Theyve even put a prize inside the new boxes a tiny copy of between the world and me by tanehisi coates. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Dr. Phil is here. But when we return, my lifestyle brand, covetton house, gets its own magazine. Youre not going to want to miss this. I promise you. Not this one. The amazing new iphone 8 is at at t. And we know youll love it. Because we know you want more. More great camera features and more power. And more than just unlimited data, we give you unlimited plans with hbo included for life. Because you deserve more entertainment. And more spokespeople. Talking like this, saying the word more. At t. Its time for more. Am i too close . I feel like im too close. Get the iphone 8 and with all at t unlimited plans, get hbo for life. Only from at t. [ joe cocke s with a little help from my friends ] vw drivers have always put others first. Now were returning the favor, with the people first warranty. Americas best bumpertobumper limited warranty. Boy instead of over there. Re. screaming have some. Reliving the glory days isnt always rewarding. But hotels. Com is. Instant savings now. Free nights later. Hotels. Com. Lackluster lips . Dont think so. Lips lose natural color over time. Chapstick total hydration moisture tint. Our 100 natural moisturizing formulas enhance your natural lip color. Chapstick. Put your lips first. I. Prilosec otc 7 years ago,my doctor recommended. 5 years ago, last week. Just 1 pill each morning, 24 hours and zero heartburn. Its been the number 1 doctor recommended brand for 10. Straight years, and its still recommended today. Use as directed. band playing cheers and applause Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody give it up for the band welcome back to the show, everybody. Jon, jon, you know this is halloween, right . Please have a seat, everybody. Now, jon, jon, this is halloween weekend coming up. Do you have any, like, plans or anything like that . Do you have a Halloween Party to go to. Jon yeah, im just going to hang out and give out candy. You know, people come to my door. Stephen do you dress up as anything. Jon sometimes. Stephen do you scare the kids at all. Jon sometimes. I did the power ranger last year. The red one. Stephen this year im going to dress ups a tired middleaged man. Jon oh, wow, where did you get your costume. Stephen just to terrify the other parents. Im their future. Jon oh, thats right, thats right. Stephen Everybody Loves lifestyle maven Gwyneth Paltrow, right . Yeah, yeah. That sounds like most of you out there. laughter and of all the everies in the world, im one of them. Im especially fond of her luxury and beauty website, goop, the source for highend lifestyle goods, like 950 toilet paper. For that price, you could just wipe your butt with money, but then Gwyneth Paltrow wouldnt have your money. laughter plus, goops packed with wellness tips and products like energybalancing stickers and the best spa to get a vaginal steaming. Very important, its very important for when the label says, do not iron. Well, goop has now gooped it up to a whole new level, because they Just Launched and ive got it right here goop magazine. Its just like the website, only not free. Heres the premier issue, featuring the goopster herself on the cover enjoying a sensual mud bath, or hiding from the predator. Its hard to say. laughter the caption, the caption see this cams here . It says, earth to again eghtd. Theyre having a little fun wit goops reputation for being a little flakey. And earth to gwyneth is more polite than the original title, houston, we have bleep new magazine. Im sure its very nice. Please come on the show. Im sure its very nice. The new magazine features all the goopiness youve come to love, like this spread about crystals, where i learned that black obsidian helps you feel more grounded, and you can put it in your pillowcase to decompress after a long day, because there is nothing more relaxing than falling asleep on a sack of razorsharp rocks. laughter applause or how about this informative article about your pelvic floor, the body part well on its way to becoming the next it area. Yeah, pelvic floor is the it area. Byebye, thumb web. Nobody cares about you anymore now, for some reason, and i dont know why, the article about the pelvic floor has a closeup of a grape fruit on it. I dont get it, personally. It goes on to describe a specialist who can tone your pelvic floor in a tenpack of private sessions for the low cost of 5,000. Wow, that price really made me clench my grapefruit. laughter applause jon oh, that grapefruit stephen and dont worry there are plenty of ads. My favorite is for goop edition 02 a perfume of cool air, pale sun, new life unfurling on the forest floor. Because who doesnt want to smell like the forest floor . Mmm what are you wearing . Is that partiallydecomposed crow . Now, the content in here, youre going to want to get it. applause you gotta go get it. The content goes on and on there are deepdives into crystals and mud masks, reiki and bee venom treatments. Celebrities, by the way if you dont know this celebrities love bee venom treatments, especially nicholas cage. Ah theyre in my eyes, my eyes aaah stephen the nic cage signature bee venom face crate is available on goop for just 7,000. laughter plus, goop magazine just feels luxurious, especially since goop retails for 14. 99 wow that is so expensive, it should be in goop magazine now, longtime fans of this show know that i have my very own highend, goopinspired stolen lifestyle brand, covetton house, and you will not be surprised by what covetton has in store. Baroque simplicity. Shabby elegance. Give me money. Covetton house. applause stephen welcome. Hello, lifestyle fans. Im proud to introduce covetn cuarterly, the premium luxury the premium luxury lifestyle wellness publication. The premiere issue features me enjoying a luxurious nacho cheese soak. I discovered its exfoliating properties after passing out under the pump dispenser in the skybox at yankee stadium. , of course, Covetton Cuarterly features all the great content youve come to expect from covetton. Great features on scrotal dry cleaning and vaginal washandfold. And maybe laughter cheers maybe youve taken care of your pelvic floor, but what about your ovarian breakfast nook . laughter all all accompanied by lavish photos of flowers, for some reason. No reason. We just like flowers. How the hell did they get a grapefruit in that flrk ill never know. Jimmy, you should probably. Thanks. Plus, a fivepage spread on moisturizer travel kits, titled it puts the lotion on its skin. Best of all, Covetton Cuarterly retails for just 950 per issue. Quite a steal, considering you can wipe your butt with it. laughter well be right back with dr. Phil. cheers and applause remember 2007 . Smartphones . O m g ten years later, nothings really changed. Its time to snap out of it. [hello moto] snap on a jbl speaker. Put a 70 screen on a wall. Get a 10x optical zoom. Get excited world. [hello moto] moto is here. The new moto z with moto mods. Buy the new moto z and youll get a free projector mod. 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Stephen yeah. Weve got people packed everywhere in here. Now, dr. Phil, youve been americas psychiatrist, psychologist how do you describe yourself . Whatever. Stephen okay. laughter youve been a shoulder im a guy. Stephen for america to cry on, lean on for 16 seasons. Were dealing with a psychological problem in america right now. Lets talk about lets talk about applause just just one . Stephen well, im not sure what theyre clapping about, but lets talk about theres been a rash of revelations about people engaging in sexual harassment, sexual abuse. Harvey weinstein, know the person, the revelations sort of kicked off this latest round of revelations, he went to therapy for sex addiction for one week. Does it work that way . Is he like, all good bleep no. Stephen its a family show, doctor, a family show. Dr. Phil. Come on, you have a chronic 30year, layered, multi problem that has so many dimensions, you couldnt unravel it in 30 years. And somebody goes for a week and says, gotcha. No. Stephen well, when im i am not familiar with it. If somebody first of all, it sex addiction a thing, do you believe . No. Stephen you dont think so . No, i dont. I will say this in the industry there is a big debate about this, and there are a lot of professionals that i have Great Respect for that will argue that it is a thing. Now, the d. S. M. 5, the American Psychiatric association diagnostic and statistical manual doesnt have it in there. They dont recognize it. They dont consider it to be a disorder. A lot of people i respect do. Im not one of them. I think its one of those things that when your wife catches you, you go, oh, my god. Devil made me do it. Its an addiction. Let the healing begin. I hate it when they say that. applause i dont think its a thing. Now g stephen so its just a form of selfishness. It is. Im not saying thats not pathology there, because i think ucertainly in cases like what youre talking about here, there is severe pathology there. I just dont think its a sexual addiction. Stephen so if someone goes to a sexual addiction clinic to be treated for this, what happens . Does the person say, i feel like having sex. And they go, dont feel that anymore. What is it that happens to this person . Well, they try to get them to identify what triggers the impulse. They try to desensitize them, and in order of saying, okay, think about that. Try to calm yourself. They go through a bunch of things where you have stimuli that would normally cause you to act, and they try to get you to not be reactive to that. They try to get you to exercise impulse control, try to get you to understand why thats not acceptable, why theres moral decay, et cetera, et cetera. But i just dont think thats a thing. I just dont think thats a thing. Stephen you never treated it. You never no. Stephen you dont have it. You dont have sex addiction. Well, i dont think there is such a thing, so, no. Stephen you like sex, though. Well, it depends who were talk about. Ive been married 41 years. If youre making me an offer, im passing. applause cheers stephen all right, next question. laughter do you think this sort of thing is particularly bad in hollywood, because thats certainly the reputation for hollywood . Or is this also happening you know, slike, the manager of a Grocery Store in iowa, is it happening everywhere . You know, ive probably done 150 shows about this kind of thing. The only reason that its in the press now is because america likes to talk about pretty people with problems. And Stephen Harvey weinstein is not laughter . Its not him. Its the stephen oh, right, i understand. But this happens in every walk in life in america, whether a line supervisor in a factory, talking about a factory worker. Whether its a Grocery Store manager, talking about somebody working on the produce aisle. Its not any more rampant there than it is in any other part of america. And it doesnt have anything to do with sex. Its all about power and abuse. applause . Stephen now, you dont applause i know you dont like to get political, but i did want to ask a question for hypothetically. Stephen hypothetical, hypothetical question. For a friend of mine several, 300 million friends of mine. laughter applause who are dealing with a problem. And some of them are in denial that its a problem, and some of them have seen that its a problem long before the problem reared its ugly head. What is the best way to deal with a bully . We can acknowledge, this is thinly veiled. Stephen this . This is a thinly veiled hypothetical. Stephen purely, purely hypothetical. Purely hypothetical. Well, it depends on if youre in direct relationship with the bully, or if youre someone that really doesnt have a vote on the bully. Stephen what if its what if youre someone who the bully, because of their position, has a lot of power over both your economic, ecological, and military future . laughter how do you deal how do you deal with a bully, dr. Phil come on dont dodge the question hypothetically. Stephen hypothetically, how do you deal with a bully, someone who seems to enjoy pushing people around. You have to push back. Stephen okay, so you shouldnt quit the senate and go home. cheers and applause the hypothetical senate. Stephen hypothetical senate. Yeah, could be the senate from star wars. Dont know which senate it is. Hypothetically, you have to work within the system, whether you like it or whether you dont. Stephen okay. Because, you know, my dad used to say, you need to decide you need to spend 5 of your time deciding whether the deal you got it a good deal or a bad deal, and 95 of the time deciding what the hell youre going to do about it. And this deal, a lot of people think is a bad deal. Okay, bad deal. Thats the deal you got. What are you going to do about it . Okay, so, work on working on midterm elections. Work on doing different things. Stephen hypothetically. Hypothetically. Its a hypothetical senate. Stephen how do you deal with a liar . Is there some way to catch somebody . What if somebody is repeatedly caught in a lie and doesnt care is it can that person ever be held accountable for the unbelievable morass of lies they swim around in, like its fish and filth. Okay stephen hypothetically. Hypothetically, there are different people lie for different reason. Stephen yes. And if you have a compulsive liar stephen seem to like it. If you have a sociopathic liar. Stephen yes. Who has no remorse for the lies they tell. Stephen dingding. And you were to say, all right, im going to change this person from lying. The lies arent hypothetical, but were hypothetically talking about someone who does that. Stephen yes, exactly. And you put that person in therapy. They tend to get worse. Stephen what . Lets say this hypothetical person, you manage by laying bit of cheese out or something and you get them into a room with a dr. Phil and you slam the door shut and say, deal with me now, bubba. And it would make it worse for you treating this person . It would, and let me tell you why. There are two particular types of people that are difficult to deal with in therapy. One is the paranoid that really does have somebody after them. Thats tough. laughter and there are those people that are very paranoid, but they do have a certain people in their lives that are trying to persecute them. Stephen yes. But not near as much as they think. And the others are what most people call sociopaths, psychopaths, what are now called antisocial personalities. They get into therapy, and they learn from the therapist how to behave in a way that looks better. They learn the symbol systems. They learn how to mimic empathy. They learn how to do the things that make them look better. And then they take that and use it to victimize the next wave of people they come into. They dont get better. Youre just training them to get better at what they do bad. Stephen and it would help if this person was, like, really intelligent and has a good brain and has all the best words and went to an ivy league stool school . applause . Well, actually, if you hypothetically had someone like that, then that helps because theyre not reading the room and realizing that theyre kind of outing themselves by being that transparent. Stephen do you have hope for the psychological state of our country . I do. I am a incurable optimist. And i see, even in the worst tragedies, when we had the las vegas shooting, and, you know, i hate to be such a downer, but i was invited to go to the hospital there and talk to some of the shooting victims. And i did, and ill tell you, when i saw the human spirit among those people and saw how those people came together in that field at the time and how they helped each other and drug each other to safety and came together, i tell you, my faith in human nature was lifted in a way you cant even imagine. Those people came together and and struggled to help each other. People they didnt even know. And the way they got into the trauma center, and instead of saying, take care of me. Take care of me. I talked to those trauma doctors and they said, you know what . They said she looks worse. Take care of her. I can wait. Do that. I was uplifted seeing how people respond to that. And i dont think crises make heros. I think crises reveal who you were before it happened, and i think we saw a lot of that in las vegas applause . Stephen well, thats a nice thought to take into the weekend. Thank you, dr. Phil. Dr. Phil airs weekdays nationwide. Dr. Phil, everybody well be right back with a beloved holiday tradition. Every time you call on me i drop what i do you are my best friend and weve got some things to do do you wanna, do you wanna, do you wanna do you wanna, do you wanna, do you wanna yeaheaeaeah every year we take a girls trip. Remember nashville . Kimchi bbq. Amazing honky tonk . I cant believe you got us tickets. I did. I didnt pay for anything. You never do. Send me what i owe. I got it. I mean, you did find money to buy those boots. Are you serious . Is that why you dont like them . Those boots could make a unicorn cry. Yeah, tears of joy. The bank of america mobile banking app. The fast, secure and simple way to send money. speaking hindi speaking spanish hraaerrr wookiee . Campbells new star wars soups. Made for real, real life. After 8 years of chris christie, is kim guadagno the change new jersey really needs . Guadagno is christies handpicked successor. Says shes proud to be part of the christie administration. Guadagno was Chris Christies right hand as our schools came under attack, Critical Services were underfunded, and our Credit Rating was downgraded. 11 times. From the bridge to the beach, weve seen it all, and weve had enough. Kim guadagno isnt the change we need. cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. Folks, you know we were talking earlier in the show, halloween is right around the corner. Ive been preparing by being terrified every day since last november. Of course, halloween is famous for its novelty songs, like the monster mash, and that Haunted House sound effects record. I lost my virginity to it. And we have an annual tradition here at the late show, where we play our beloved holiday classic, the halloween wiggle. Weve done it every year since last year. And this years no different. The moon was full it was late at night i could feel in my bones something wasnt quite right i walked downstairs and i opened the door and what i saw set my jaw to the floor at first i was scared then i started to giggle cause i saw dracula do the halloween wiggle this aint ya daddys monster mash run the jewels run the jewels hey, its a graveyard smash drop the pumpkin down low and make the funsize sticky im about to find out if youre a treaty or you a tricky spread your cobwebs and arch your back and ima stick my hand down your candy sack shake your moneymaker like a unicef box dont got a condom use the supergirl socks halloween aint hollow and it dont run shallow make you bite on your pillow like its a marshmallow well, thats one way to wiggle but listen up close there is a creepy kind of wiggle that i dig the most you just stretch your bat wings and make them flap and dont forget to do the skeleton clap make ya pumpkin clap make the candelabra flicker ima haunt you so hard with my unwrapped snickers stick my face in the candy bar turn you around lick your hershey bleep its lots of fun if you bring your gang just beware of casper and his spookyooky chain keep your eyes peeled for ghouls and ghosts oh, halloweens a treat and i dig it the most take it to the graveyard like a deadass snitch youll be on my broomstick like a trickass witch then i bring over my Skeleton Crew and you can ride our bones until you scream and boo gonna give you a treat cause youre my trick you dress like a witch i provide the broomstick shake your reeses cups like you need the cash then ill hit that bleep like its a graveyard smash trickortreatings about as much fun as you can get ima whip out my monster make you bleep bleep and were still wiggling its the halloween wiggle yeah, make them candy apples jiggle girl jiggle, jiggle girl jiggle, jiggle girl just to be clear were talking bout fruit but now the partys over and its time to scoot so go home, guys put some candles on and jack your lantern til the break of dawn dude, kids are watching. Stephen he said, hershey bleep you said, hershey bleep you were laughing about it cheers and applause stephen dont go away, astronaut scott kelly is here. Well be right back. Why do people have eyebrows . Why do people put milk on cereal . Oh, are you reading why people put milk on cereal . Why does your tummy go grumbily, grumbily, grumbily . Why is it all . No more questions for you ouph, that milk in your cereal was messing with you, wasnt it . Yeah, happens to more people than you think. Try lactaid, its real milk, without that annoying lactose. Good, right . Mmm, yeah. I got your back. Lactaid. Its the milk that doesnt mess with you. Behold the power of energizer® ultimate lithium™. Music the 1 longestlasting battery. Where we can find common ground. Big enough to dance on. For a better us, donate to your local y today. Boy instead of over there. Re. screaming have some. Reliving the glory days isnt always rewarding. But hotels. Com is. Instant savings now. Free nights later. Hotels. Com. Remember 2007 . Smartphones . O m g ten years later, nothings really changed. Its time to snap out of it. Hello moto. Snap on a jbl speaker. Put a 70 screen on a wall. Get a 10x optical zoom. Get excited world. Hello moto. Moto is here. The new moto z with motomods. Get a moto z2 for only 20 a month. And a free projector mod. [ joe cocke s with a little help from my friends ] vw drivers have always put others first. Now were returning the favor, with the people first warranty. Americas best bumpertobumper limited warranty. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Glaegz, im awfully excited because my next guest is a veteran astronauts who spend a recordsetting 340 consecutive days in orbit. Please welcome captain scott kelly cheers and applause hey, scott. Nice to meet you in person. Come on up here. Stephen that i like. Isnt that nice . We live in a country great enough where they still stand up for astronauts. Thats why i believe in america. applause . We still live in a country. Stephen still a great country. Now, this is the first time you and i have ever spoken in person. Thats right. Stephen ive spoken to you several times when you were up on the space station, and i have actually spoken with your twin brother, mark. He and i landed the Space Shuttle simulator together. And i think you invited him here before you invited me, right . Stephen i think you were in space. I think we would have had you on, but you were in orbit. 340 days in orbit. Given given the state of the earth, do you ever wish you were still up there. Every day, every day. Stephen can we show the view . applause jim, lets show people the view. So those are those are your socks right there, right . Were looking at a picture of these are my socks here, too. Stephen those are your socks. Stephen no, those feet right there. Oh stephen those feet right there. Those are your socks. I see them. The ones with the holes in them. Stephen are those special space socks or are they lands end socks. I think theyre patagonia. Stephen did you hold up your patagonia socks and you were flying over patagonia. We joked about it. We hear theres a gift shop there where you can get sweaters. Stephen what are we looking at right now . Its the bahamas. I can tell because its so blue and expansive, beautiful. Stephen did you ever get tired of it . Like after at what point did you get cranky after 340 days . I never got tired of the view but there was one day toward the end where i opened up the behindo and i see within a couple of seconds a patch of sand that i recognized immediately as a spot just north of mogadishu in africa, and i was like, its time to go home now. Stephen you didnt literally open the window, right . Well, not to let stephen because thats a terrible idea not to let the air out. Stephen okay, all right. When youre up there, what does it smell like in the International Space station. Because the smells you cant get rid of the smells up there. They licker longer without gravity. Stephen do you wear cologne or anything like that . I didnt. Stephen do the russians wear cologne . Possibly. I didnt check. Stephen but you worked with them, right . Yes. Stephen yeah. Whats it like they didnt smell any worse than us. We all smelled. Stephen whats it like sleeping in space . Sleeping is hard. Stephen why . Because all day long on earth we are opposing gravity, and when you come home and sit down on the couch to watch your show, for instance, and then, you know, youre more comfortable, and later when you go to bed youre more comfortable. In space, you know, whether youre floating like this working or floating like this, you know, doing a science experiment or working on the computer or going to sleep, same level of comfort, which makes it hard to go to sleep. Stephen what about what about closing your eyes . I understand, like, there are grays up there that fkd you. There is cosmic radiation that you can see with your eyes closed, little flashes like fireworks. And then when you realize that radiation is also going through your brain, kind of keeps you up at night. laughter a little bit. Stephen so when you close your eyes, it doesnt get dark. Even if youre in a dark room with your eyes closed there are little sparks going off . Occasionally, yeah, absolutely. Stephen do you gain do you gain height in space . Is that what happens . I stretched. Stephen you stretch. Because youre not being compacted by gravity . Correct. So im like 56 now. My brother is still three foot six. I grew two feet. Stephen well, that takes me to part of the reasons why you went up there is that you have a twin brother, mark also an astronaut. They have years of data on your health and on your physical condition. And you guys did this twin study. So you went up there for nearly a year, 340 days. What was the difference between the two of you when you came back . Were there marked difference between, like, your bone density and his . So a lot of this study was geneticbased. So the suspicion of the, you know, the hypothesis of the experiment was i would go up in space and be exposed to radiation, a lot of radiation, you know, harsh environment, stress. I would age, as reflected by my telomeres at a faster rate. The meres are an indication of our physical age. Stephen theres a coil of protein, chromosomes. They thought i would get older, and the suspicion was as we aged, maybe i would look older than my brother. When we would get to be 60, he would look 60 and i would look 70. But i think if that happens, what really happens is my brother would get botox. Seems lieb the kind of thing he might do. Stephen do you lord it over your brother that you spent more time in space than he did . Every chance i get. applause . Stephen well, here you are here you are being taken out of the capsule when it landed in kazakhstan. Whats the first thing you want to do when you get back on earth after all that time in space . Um, you mean, like the first thing i could tell you about . laughter stephen its not a news show, sir. Theres we have no dignity here i went home and i jumped in my swimming pool. Because i hadnt taken a shower in a year. So i was stephen wow yeah. Stephen wow. And i just wanted water stephen there was chlorine in the pool i hope. There was. Stephen because you cant immerse yourself in the space. For a year. Stephen do you ever get tired of breathing that air in and suck it out. Every astronaut who goes up there does that trick for us. And playing with your food and stuff, that going to old after a while. Stephen uhhuh, yeah. laughter ive always wanted to go to space. Is it is it would you recommend it . I would. Its an incredible experience. Its a privilege. Its the you know, it was a professional, you know, like achievement of my life being able to spend that amount of time in space. Especially for a kid like me who was as growing up this kid that couldnt Pay Attention in school. If i was in school today, i would be the kid with a. D. D. , or a. D. H. D. Stephen you talk about this in your book endurance, which is not only about your time in space but your life and what it took to get there. You werent a good student. I thought you had to be a good student to be an astronaut. You know, most people think that. And they think that laughter that, you know, youre the smartest kid in the class growing up. But i was the exact opposite, looking out the behindo, daydreaming. And it wasnt until i was in college and picked up the book the right stuff, and it, you know, inspired me that i could do more, if i could only be a better student. Stephen did you end up meeting any of the guys who were profiled in the right stuff. Yeahing, absolutely over the years, yeah. Stephen did you tell them, this is what inspired me to be an astronaut . No, i didnt. I told tom wolf, though. Stephen you told tom wolf . I told tom wolf. Stephen so if there are other kid out there who might be a little a. D. D. , who might be staring out the window. Theres hope for them, if they just buckle down they could stare down this window, too. Absolutely. Stephen thanks so much for being here. Thanks for going there. Endurance is out now. Captain scott kelly, everybody. Well be right back. Thanks, scott. Good to see cbs presented by target. Urban agriculture and Community Greening are helping cities become more sustainable for the future. And thats why target has partnered with the nonprofit greensgrow in philadelphia. The novel idea was. Can we put a farm in the heart of the city and really put food directly accessible to the people that were eating it. I think its very important for us to come outside of target and really be inside of peoples communities, as well. Cbs eye on the community is sponsored by target. Stephen well, thats it for the late show, everybody. Join me next week when ill be joined by mark ruffalo, nicole kidman, and whoopi goldberg. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by cbs are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from monmouth, sweden, give it up for your host, the one, the only james corden
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