Shadows, theres an infestation. Tony hawk. Tony hawk, making it difficult to focus on your job. Oh, come on, tony hawk and getting into your food. But hawkbegone pest control is ready. Our team of experts will inspect your office and find a solution to rid the office of tony hawk. Once and for all. Hawkbegone pest control. A little help . Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight. Nightmarizona. First, stephen welcomes Christiane Amanpour and wilmer valderrama. Featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert [cheers and applause] stephen one more. Thanks, everybody. Please have a seat. Thank you, my friends. Thank you, lovely people. Please. Please. Welcome one and all in here, out there, to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. [cheering] ladies and gentlemen, it is april 10, 2024, unless you live in arizona, where its 1864, pardner. Giddyup. Because yesterday, the Arizona Supreme Court reinstated a 160year old abortion ban. [booing] that is crazy. But remember, its arizona, so its a dry crazy. Heres what happened. This is fascinating. Yesterday, the state Supreme Court, right . The state Supreme Court ruled that because roe v. Wade had been overturned, nothing prevented arizona from enforcing the 1864 ban, a law so old that it was passed before women had the right to vote. Yeah, its true. To which the Arizona Supreme Court said, dont worry. Well work on that one next. Now, this law is so old that it predates the invention of the cowboy hat, the urinal, the paper clip, and the machine that makes paper bags. Should we really be enforcing laws from an era where the cuttingedge tech was bag . Also, did you know that in 1864, arizona wasnt even a state. You cant enforce state laws from before it was a state. If you could, people in massachusetts would be arrested for failure to buckle hat. Where is this law even going to take effect . Heres a map of the arizona territory in 1864. Back then, part of it was the confederacy, on the bottom there, and the top half was so big it included what is now las vegas. You know what they used to say back then. What happens in vegas actually happened in arizona. Now, electionwise, this ruling by an allrepublican court is almost guaranteed to backfire. Because since the dobbs ruling, this issue has been a disaster for all the republicans attempts to keep suburban women voters. So g. O. P. Candidates are now backpedaling like a tweakedout unicycle chimp. Take g. O. P. Senate candidate and woman watching you drown, kari lake. After the ruling, lake said, i oppose todays ruling, and i am calling on democratic Governor Katie Hobbs and the state legislature to come up with an immediate commonsense solution that arizonans can support. Which is a surprising position to take because this is what she said right before the dobbs decision. We have great legislation already on the books, so when this decision comes down, that will kind of click in and we will see older legislation thats already been passed, and arizona will not be a state where abortions are happening. I am prolife 100 . Let me change that. I am prolife 1000 . Stephen let me change that again. What does prolife mean . No habla ingles brringbrring hola [applause] now, as bad as that looks for kari lake, things look even worse for donald trump. Just two days ago, he posted. [cheering] its nice to have trump fans here. Thats nice. [booing] just two days ago, he posted this video. Its a joke. He posted this video on truth social. I was proudly the person responsible for the ending of roe v. Wade. Stephen reminder, ladies, that was me im the one who did it to ya. I also had the idea for period cramps, insurance not covering mammograms, and all your friends getting brunch without you. Now, in that video, in that video right there, trump was trying to stake out what he thought was a moderate position. He had previously floated the idea of a federal 15week abortion ban, but he softened his position to this. The states will determine by vote or legislation or perhaps both. And whatever they decide must be the law of the land. Stephen then the next day, the Arizona Supreme Court drove his campaign clown car into kookoocanyon. That is the most awkward timing for a politician since fdr made his second most famous speech. December 6, 1941, a day that, frankly, was kind of a snoozefest around here lets hope tomorrow is more exciting stephen and trump hasnt exactly been a north star on this issue. In fact, over the last 25 years, his position on abortion has shifted 13 times. Im prochoice. Im prochoice not. Im prochoice. Im. Prochoice not. Oh oh you know. You know, flower, you kind of look like a pretty lady. With white hair all spiked up. You want to make 130,000 . [cheers] apparently. Trump apparently also has no clue how abortion works. It must be remembered that the democrats are the radical ones on this position, because they support abortion up to and even beyond the ninth month. Stephen its true its true. Way beyond. Its true. No, no, i know a lady. She was nine months pregnant, went to the hospital. The doctor yelled push and then she comes out and get this wasnt pregnant anymore. Who did it . I bet it was that little guy in the bassinet. Whered he come from . Hes probably an immigrant. Hes got no i. D. On him, and frankly folks hes speaking a language no ones ever heard of. Clearly. I think it was chinese. I think it was chinese. He goes goo goo gai pan. Trumps criminal trial starts here in new york on monday. [cheers] youve read . The first order of business is jury selection. Reportedly, trumps lawyers want a jury that includes Public Employees like police officers, firefighters, and sanitation workers. Well, sanitation workers make sense. Theyre gonna want jurors who are comfortable with giant sacks of garbage. On the other hand, prosecutors are looking for educated voters from democratic neighborhoods, and are fishing for those who are fond of latenight comedians like Stephen Colbert. Thats right [cheers and applause] look at that. Damn straight. My audience is perfect to decide this case. Its all in our new slogan the late show with Stephen Colbert guaranteed to get you jury duty youre welcome. But if you think Donald Trumps lawyers arent ready for this trial, youd be right. Because we found out today that, in an attempt to get relevant files from a former district attorney, trumps lawyers subpoenaed the wrong jeremy rosenberg. Two Jeremy Rosenbergs in new york city . What are the odds . Oh, and, im being told, very good. Thank you. Thats my researcher jeremy rosenberg. No relation. Now, after getting the subpoena, the wrong rosenberg, or the fauxsenberg, set the record straight. He wrote to the attorneys, saying, i dont have any files for you, and explained that he tried calling to explain but the phone number trumps lawyers provided was disconnected. Okay, okay, but thats probably on rosenberg. If its trumps lawyers, you have to dial the country code for russia first. Trumps lawyers. Oh, oh, so daring. Trumps lawyers also sent the guy some money for shipping of the requested files, and the wrong rosenberg informed them, p. S. Im keeping the 15. Oh, watch out, jeremy. You dont wanna piss off donald trump hell send a squad of goons to rough up someone with your name. And even after he told them they were mistaken, trumps lawyers still thought their rosenberg was the rightsenberg. They even complained that rosenberg had displayed a flippant and dismissive approach to the request. To which the prosecution said they spoke with mr. Rosenbergs counsel. Mr. Rosenberg was not served with the subpoena and does not have any connection to the brooklyn address where the subpoena was served and concluded, correctly, the defendant has served the incorrect person. You can see it all dramatized on law order svwho . [cheering] now. Quality. Its a quality joke. Good family joke. Now, to the world of sport where, it turns out, the ncaa Womens Basketball tournament final on sunday drew more viewers than the mens final for the very First Time Ever [cheering] look at that. Thats kind of neat. Thats cool. Its official Womens Basketball . Now your basketball. Everyone else is playing boysketball. After the final viewership tally, the championship games pulled in 18. 9 Million Viewers for the women and 14. 8 million on the mens side. [applause] and, i believe, in light of this news, cbs might want to make its primetime lineup a little more femalefocused. So tune in sunday at 9 00 p. M. For track her. He found your mom. She wants you to text her back. Down in washington tonight, this is probably over by now. President biden hosted a state dinner for japan, featuring paul simon and guest of honor Prime Minister fumio kishida. So, of course, paul simon kicked off with his old hit, me and fumio down by the schoolyard. We got a great show for you tonight my guests are Christiane Amanpour and actor wilmer valderrama. But when we come back, meanwhile join us, wont you . Announcer the late show with Stephen Colbert sponsored by the sleep experts at zzzquil. Sometimes jonah wrestles with falling asleep. So he takes zzzquil. The worlds 1 sleep aid brand. And wakes up feeling like himself. Get the rest to be your best with nonhabit forming zzzquil. Whoa the new iphone 15. With that amazing camera. Ill be sharing pics from the slope. You do not want to see yourself skiing. You look like a marshmallow join now only tmobile gives you four new iphone 15s on us, and four lines of unlimited for 25 bucks a line. 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Who take quality very seriously. And go to the ends of the earth to hustle the best of the best for you. Yes we get the deals, you get the good stuff. Marshalls. On your period, sudden gushes happen. Say goodbye gush fears thanks to always ultra thins. With rapiddry technology. That absorbs two times faster. Hellooo clean and comfortable. Always. Fear no gush. im getting vaccinated with pfizers Pneumococcal Pneumonia vaccine. So am i. Because im at risk for Pneumococcal Pneumonia. Come on. I already got a pneumonia vaccine, but im asking about the added protection of prevnar 20®. If youre 19 or older with certain chronic conditions like asthma, diabetes, copd, or heart disease, or are 65 or older, you are at increased risk for Pneumococcal Pneumonia. Prevnar 20® is approved in adults to help prevent infections from 20 strains of the bacteria that cause Pneumococcal Pneumonia. In just one dose. Dont get prevnar 20® if youve had a severe allergic reaction to the vaccine or its ingredients. Adults with weakened immune systems may have a lower response to the vaccine. The most common side effects were pain and swelling at the injection site, muscle pain, fatigue, headache, and joint pain. I want to be able to keep my plans. I dont want to risk ending up in the hospital with Pneumococcal Pneumonia. Thats why i chose prevnar 20®. Ask your doctor or pharmacist about the Pfizer Vaccine for Pneumococcal Pneumonia. [cheers and applause] stephen thats a good sound. That gets you going. Louis easygoing. Stephen give it up for louis cato and the late show band, everybody, right there. [humming] [cheers and applause] coming up in just a few moments, my friends, weve got the one, the only, a woman i admire greatly, Christiane Amanpour will be out here in just one moment to talk about the world. Shes got a special the world. Out here to celebrate nciss 1,000th episode, mr. Wilmer valderrama will be joining us. Right over there. 1,000. 1,000. Wow. I want to thank tony hawk for appearing in tonights open. He can catch him at tony hawks vert alert on june 14th and 15th at the university of utah. Ill be there, he said. Folks. I might be. I dont know what im doing. I dont know what im doing. Folks, i spend most of my time right over there converting the days most High Performance carbonfiber news into a topical body with an mmi control cockpit, integrated yacht windows and discreet temperature zones to build for you the spectacular marchi mobile element palazzo superior mobile home that is my monologue. But sometimes, folks, after a bender of purple drank, i drop a dime on the underground serbian hogfight mafia who chase me into a swamp where i curl up inside a tractor tire in a nettle patch and pull the door of an abandoned portapotty over me to cower inside the snitchs brambleshack of news that is my segment. Meanwhile [cheers and applause] stephen its like a topical ointment for the soul. They know. Meanwhile, the founder of whacamole is selling their equestrian estate. And do not worry. The horses are included. The property is 211 acres and is listed for 5. 9 million or 10 trillion tickets. Meanwhile, in celebrity alcohol news, supermodel cindy crawford, whos married to casamigos cofounder rande gerber, is launching her own new brand called casamigas. Its a catchy name. Good luck with that, cindy. Far less clunky than my femalefocused beverage, Stephen Colberts estrogin. [applause] Strong Enough for a man but women can have problems too. Meanwhile, a florida woman found a nearly 8foot alligator inside her home. And of course, this is florida, so she said, helen there you are come on, wheel is about to start meanwhile, in case youve been living under a rock, there was an eclipse on monday. On the plus side, if you were under that rock, you still might have your eyesight, because google documented a spike in why do my eyes hurt or eyes hurt related searches as the total Solar Eclipse ended. In a totally unrelated story, people who bought certain eclipse glasses from amazon may have received an email saying the glasses are in fact not safe to view the eclipse in. But they add the glasses are effective if youre at a 3d movie and dont want to see it. Meanwhile, an Environmental Group released a report on items they found on beach cleanups on the jersey shore, which included some odd things like fake eyelashes, fishnet stockings, a jockstrap, and a pregnancy test. If youre taking a pregnancy test on a new jersey beach, it gets better is what im going to say. Oh, and good news, they found your eyelashes and your fishnets. Meanwhile, great news for anyone who likes driving but loves peanuts, because planters is looking to hire drivers to cruise in its nutmobile, to which perverts everywhere said oh, but when i ask if you wanna ride my nutmobile, im a creep he seems nice. He seems nice. Applicants will be expected to escort mr. Peanut across the country. Now, wait a second. So mr. Peanut rides around in a giant peanut . That seems wrong. Gather round, children, and see the anthropomorphic nut, pantsless and bemonocled, forced to travel the land in an auto made from the bones of his own nutfolk [laughter] meanwhile, in airplane news, there was drama on a recent Air New Zealand flight to australia, when a passenger was fined for urinating in a cup. Evidently there was a bit of a delay in deplaning when one of the passengers heard the unmistakable sound of someone urinating in a cup. Really . Unmistakable . To whom . Who has that much experience hearing that sound . All right, gentlemen, play that recording back. Thats a 62yearold man with an enlarged prostate taking a wizz in a paper cup. I know cause my life is a horror. I wake up on the beach, take a pregnancy test, then its back in the nutobile. Well be right back with Christiane Amanpour healthier means staying on top of your health at your place. or ours. Healthier happens together. [stomach growling] its nothing. Sounds like something. When you have nausea, heartburn, indigestion upset stomach, diarrhea pepto bismol coats and soothes for fast relief when you need it most. To help protect from hiv, i prep without pills. With apretude, a prescription medicine used to reduce the risk of hiv without daily prep pills. With one shot every other month, just 6 times a year. In studies, apretude was proven superior to a daily prep pill in reducing the risk of hiv. You must be hiv negative, to receive apretude and get tested before each injection. If you think you were exposed to hiv or have flulike symptoms, tell your doctor right away. Apretude does not prevent other sexually transmitted infections. Practice safer sex to reduce your risk. Dont take apretude if youre allergic to it or taking certain medicines, as they may interact. Tell your doctor if youve had liver or kidney problems or Mental Health concerns. If you have a rash or other allergic reactions, stop apretude and get medical help right away. Serious side effects include allergic reactions, liver problems, and depression. Some of the most common side effects include injectionsite reactions and headache. You must receive apretude as scheduled. Ask your doctor about longacting apretude. And prep without pills. Save at apretude. Com. [shaking] itchy pet . with chewy, save 20 on your first pharmacy order so you can put an end to the itch. Get flea and tick medication delivered right to your door. [panting] stephen hey, everybody. Welcome back. Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight has spent 40 years delivering our news on cnn, where she currently serves as the chief international anchor. Please welcome back to the late show, Christiane Amanpour. [cheers and applause] nice to see you again. Christiane lovely to be here. Stephen now, as i said before, you are cnns chief international anchor. So ill bite. Whats up with the world . Christiane in the world, they are watching your election very, very closely because that is really preoccupying them. Having had a collective nervous breakdown the last time. They are trying to prove themselves. Stephen i guess i didnt really take that into account all the time. So the world freaked out as much as some of us did. Christiane as much as some of you did. Some of the world. There were parts of the world they didnt freak out. Mostly the autocratic parts of the world. Your putins, xis, orbans. Those people. Mbs. Stephen the idea of a second Trump Presidency makes americans fearful. I assume the world is freaked out about the second possibility. Christiane youve been something freaking out americans, this arizona law from precivil war. Thats being really looked at especially in democracies where there are codified womens rights and human rights. France, for instance. On International Womens day, march 8th, actually signed into law a constitutional amendment to guarantee a womans right to make choices about her own body. Abortion and other things. [cheers and applause] stephen do many countries have that . Christiane not necessarily, no, they dont. This was sort of a demonstration of will by a country thats very supportive of your revolution, to show that this is universal human rights and that women actually need to be treated like adults. Whether its afghanistan, iran, or the United States, a bunch of grumpy old men shouldnt be making essential decisions. [cheers and applause] for them and their bodies. Stephen one of the most important things, the biggest part of their job thats hard to prepare for is international relations. Thats domestic policy in the United States that worries people overseas. A second Trump Presidency, what about that worries our allies around the world . Christiane for instance apart from this issue which is vital to people all over the world, they dont want to get caught up in the same nonsense thats happening here in some quarters. For instance, nato. Right . Nato was something that actually the majority of americans support america in nato, and yet if you remember, donald trump played fast and loose with nato. Stephen talked about getting out of it. Christiane yes, and very transactional. Like, if they dont pay up, im not going to support them. Im gonna invite putin to do whatever he wants to do. And i wont come and help you. That worries them. They are trying to trumpproof. For instance, ukraine. The maga republicans are following trump in not allowing aid to go to ukraine which is being supported by the west, by the United States because it is a fundamental principle of democracy, freedom, and sovereignty. Stephen i never hear a really good explanation from the opposition to supporting ukraine in the United States. The far right republicans. What is the reason why they dont want christiane its very hard to understand because these republicans are people who have been security republicans. They stood up to the communists, they stood up to the soviet union. Ronald reagan helped with gorbachev to bring down the evil soviet union. And while putin is not the soviet union, hes an imperialist with land grabbing tendencies. Stephen he wants to reconstitute the soviet union. Christiane correct. He believes that a country like ukraine has no right to be free because that looks bad for him. His people might one day, god forbid, say can we have the same freedom as ukraine does . Hes trying to make sure that doesnt happen. When they say trump comes to say i have a way to end this war in 24 hours and his way involves telling ukraine to cede territory to putin. Stephen stop anyone by surrendering. I won a lot of fights that way. [laughter] christiane as you know, the bully in the playground is not stopped by surrendering. Youve got to slap him around. Anybody who has a puppy dog. [applause] but seriously. Anybody who has a puppy dog knows that there is no satiated button. Theyre never happy with all the food you give them. They keep wanting to gobble. Its the same with land grabbing dictators. Stephen youve covered a lot of conflicts. Youve said, i believe, that covering israel and gaza is extraordinarily difficult. Why . Because all war is hell. Why is this more difficult . Christiane first and foremost, independent journalists, foreign journalists are not allowed to cover the war. We are not in gaza. Are we . We have made many, many petitions. Weve asked the israeli government. Stephen no foreign journalists . Christiane zero. They basically say you can go if you go with our army. Its embeds, guided tours. You dont get to stay. Beyond or move out of line. Youve seen the reports from the New York Times and others who get one or two hour opportunities. Thats just not how we report. Many, many, many journalists have been killed. The palestinians stephen 95. Thats the last stat i saw. 95 journalists have been able to get in or who have been in there. Christiane or they live there. Stephen have been killed there. I have a question for you and i mean this quite sincerely. What is it about journalism that is worth dying for . Christiane first of all, these people are being killed. They are being killed. Because theres a big problem going on in gaza right now. What is worth dying for and risking your life . If youre asking me as a foreigner going somewhere, it is to tell the truth and to get under the headlines, to actually know and be peoples eyes and ears on the ground and to know whats going on, to try to tell the full story of whats going on. The other fact is that the government in israel right now, is a democracy in that part of the world and it has a robust media landscape. Its potentially its taken measures already to ban for instance al jazeera. That would mean we have one less actual route of information out of gaza. And they are a professional news organization. And this has a very, very Chilling Effect and a very i dont know of a democracy that has banned independent journalists, especially from other democracies, like america, britain, france, wherever you want to say, canada, from going to cover a war they are undertaking. Stephen we have to take a quick break but dont go anywhere. Well be right back with mark Christiane Amanpour, everybody. Type 2 diabetes . 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My inspiration to start saving. How about a more solid way to save . Im listening. Well, bmo helps get your savings habit into shape with a cash reward, every month you save. Both cash reward . And theres a cash bonus when you open a new Checking Account to get you started. Wow. Anything you cant do . mugs. Bmo stephen hey, everybody. Right there. We are back with a host of the amanpour hour, Christiane Amanpour. Are the events in israel and gaza and elsewhere in the world but right now that is the spot thats been reorted on the most, is that taking the attention off ukraine . Christiane i think it is, sadly, to a huge extent. And its also, yes, is taking the attention off which means people are not as focused on it as they were before anything remember, majorities of people certainly in the western world in western democracies, in america and elsewhere, were very behind pushing putin out. Now things are getting more foggy. As you have the congress refusing to send lifesaving weapons, weapons for their defense. They are literally, literally in a very, very very precarious position and their president zelenskyy, interviewed him. Youve interviewed a lot of president s. Hes a really interesting guy. Speaks great english now. He says i can tell you that we will lose this war if we dont get the weapons. For me, its a tragedy because they are fighting our war. There is no western boots on the ground. America is not sending its women and men. We are not in the west. They are fighting a war to defend democracy in europe and its a huge big deal. The fact that these weapons are not getting there is very significantly awful. Stephen one of the things i stephen one of the things i [applause] one of the things i enjoy and admire about your reprting is theres one thing i enjoy is the two things, one is that you explain, cover many tragedies, terrible conflicts around the world. But you dont despair. Or at least you dont broadcast that despair to the rest of us. And you also perceive things in great complexity and explain the complexity of things. People want black and white. They want to know good guy, bad guy. How do you maintain your broad view of the complexity of a story . What allows you to do that . Christiane particularly in this current war, people want blackandwhite and cant see or tolerate nuance within the different communities. There is a nuanced view even within the Jewish Community whether its here or in israel, around the world. Nuanced views within the arab Palestinian Community and how to you have to be able to reach those. I try to bring those views onto my show and try to bring people together who want to talk to each other despite this horror who want to go towards peace, who want to have a conversation and not be shut down and canceled. Thats what gives me the hope but i can tell you its been a long time since i felt this bleak and sad about whats going on, because i think we have a crisis of leadership that i think without really strong robust leadership, these two entities right now, they are locked in mortal combat, will never be able to pull themselves away and its going to continue over and over again unless theres a grownup, joined up political solution. Where did i learn this . I learned it for my own childhood without even knowing. My father is iranian muslim. My mothers english catholic. There are no longer here but nonetheless i grew up believing and knowing and seeing that everything doesnt have to be a zerosum game. You can have all sorts of great relationships within and between communities and ive just taken that into my work and that keeps me going. [applause] stephen thank you, christiane. The amanpour hour airs saturdays on cnn. Christiane amanpour, everybody. 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Feel it yourself with always flexfoam. Stephen hey, everybody. Welcome back. Folks, my next guest is an actor you know from that 70s show, from dusk til dawn, and ncis. And ncis. Snipers nest. Its a nice view from up here. Yeah. They left the shooting mat. Didnt have a choice. Its stuck to the roofing tar. Yeah, that stuff can get everywhere. Including the shooters boots. They were waiting up here. They knew vance was coming. They knew we were coming too. Stephen please welcome back to the late show, wilmer valderrama. [cheers and applause] nice to see you again. Welcome back. Welcome back. Thank you for dressing up. You look nice. Wilmer its a night to celebrate. Stephen exactly. Well, 1,000 ncis. Thats quite an achievement. 21 seasons. 21 seasons. 1,000 shows. Wilmer yeah, i cant take credit for 8700 of those. Ive been on since season 13 or so. Stephen Something Like that, so not even half. Eight years and not even half of the shows. Whats it like to join something thats been going on for 13 years before you ever get there . Do they just go hey, new kid. We let you know how we do stuff. Wilmer pretty much. Stephen is there a hazing . Is there spanking machine . Wilmer i think mark harmon did some spanking, for sure. Its interesting. When i first got the opportunity to join ncis, that was the first conversation. The show was already doing so great. It was number one. What can i contribute to the show . I very quickly realized two things. One, i kind of came there to put a little coffee in their milk. [laughter] and the second, they were very honest with me and said after 13 years, we are not running after the bad guy anymore. Stephen they are walking after the bad guy . Wilmer yeah, pretty much. They know how to cut people off. I had to kind of be the action guy. Stephen after 1,000 episodes, what, how do you keep the show fresh after all that time . Wilmer its a great question. The show has this interesting we always say its about the people solving the case. When you look back at 1,000 episodes and you look back at 21 and now officially going to 22 seasons. We just got picked up. [applause] you realize very quickly that its about being present. Every five years, the show takes note. It pays attention to whats happening in the world, creates conversation, makes the story lines kind of relevant whats happening and continues to service that, service the people that love the show, the people we are representing. Thats what keeps it fresh. Every couple years we assess who we are as a show . What are people watching . Stephen a lot of people watch. Its one of the shows on cbs. The number one network. The thing is, its crazy how many people watch the show. How many people watch on a given night or in a week . Wilmer we are one of the very few, if not the only, show that performs on this level. Its the eighth wonder of the world, you know. Every monday night, and then by the end of the week, we average about 13 million. Last year, 300 Million People watched ncis. Stephen wow. Thats basically. Its basically what we do here. When you joined, did you go back and watch all 13 seasons . Did you watch 1,000 shows. Did you watch 400 shows . To get ready . Wilmer i took it very serious. Stephen sure, of course. You have to know the backstory of the show so you watched every episode. Wilmer the names of the characters, for sure. Im going to be completely honest with you. When i have this opportunity, i was like let me watch the show. The writers were still swinging for the fences, actors are showing up and all that stuff. Let me watch an episode. When i watched an episode, i think i got one of the bad apples. Stephen it wasnt the best episode . Wilmer look, out of 22 episodes, not all of them are bangers, okay . 22 episodes a season and a few of them are for the birds. Stephen i want to Say Something to the cbs brass, i totally disagree. Everything you do. Wilmer how dare you . I trusted you. Oh, i trusted you, stephen. I trusted you. [laughter] you sold me out, man. Stephen now youve written a memoir here of your life. There you go. Wilmer valderrama an american story. It says everyones invited. What do you mean everyones invited . Wilmer when i first started revisiting so much of my story, back to that little kid. You have to have a level of audacity and delusional stephen where did you grow up . Wilmer venezuela. I was born in miami but raised in venezuela. The one guy. Looking back and having the audacity of being such a little kid and dreaming that i could be everything i am right now. I started finding a lot of serenity in that and it reminded me that everything really is possible in america. I can start from that little kid and now im in the Stephen Colbert show. Its what america does. I have so much respect for you. You should know that, for us actors and performers, being on this show is something of a landmark, something you never forget. So everyones invited, i started really realizing so many of our stories, so many of our immigrant stories have been paraphrased for so much of the last ten years of propaganda. I started realizing. I feel like maybe its worth reminding people what immigrants also look like. [cheers and applause] so yeah. Stephen the book is an american story everyones invited. The 1,000th episode of ncis airs monday at 9 00 p. M. On cbs. Its wilmer valderrama, everybody. Wilmer, thank you so much. Well be right back. feel the power of osteo biflex®. Taken every day, its clinically shown to improve joint comfort in 7 days, with significant improvement over time. can one choice transform your life . Street ball icon grayson the professor boucher talks basketball and one decision that gave him new purpose. Stephen hey, thats it for the late show. Now stick around for after midnight. Good night