X just hours after the two had a 90minute sitdown interview. Lemon said his questions were respectful, they were wideranging, and that musks love of free speech doesnt apply to musk sits down with the only person on the platform that can be trusted with free speech, elon musk. Elon asks elon the tough questions. Are you good at your job . Yeah. Do you work hard . Yeah. Do you have a High Integrity . Pretty sure. Watch elon take elon through his long journey to success. Um. Um. Um. Uh. Um. Um. Uh. Um. Uh. Thats why i started spacex. And no one knows how to make elon laugh like elon. Free speech is the bedrock of democracy. [laughter] the elon interview of elon, streaming now. Elon x. Where everyone named elon can speak freelon. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight. March mathness plus, stephen welcomes paul simon featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert [cheers and applause] stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. [cheering] it is march 14th. Happy pi day pi day, of course, goes on infinitely. Which is why it has been named the official irrational number of the 2024 election. Trump clinched the republican nomination this week, and last night he went on newsmax to talk to greg kelly. Now, if you dont know who greg kelly is, it doesnt matter. Trump spent a lot of the interview talking about how unfairly hes treated. And i look now, even last night, i was saying it, i said there is no i dont care Andrew Jackson or anybody else. Nobody has when you think of the fake things, nobody has been treated like trump in terms of badly. Stephen totally. Totally normal way to say that. Reminds me of my favorite Michael Jackson album, in terms of badly. Does he talk like that the rest of the day . No one eats Chicken Nuggets like trump, in terms of hungrily. Nobody puts pajamas on like trump, by way of sleepily. And the deep state is forcing trump to get up several times a night, apropos of poopily. Or apropoopily. Trump talked about his search for a Vice President and insisted that everybody wants the gig. Theres not a person in politics that doesnt want it. And that includes democrats. If i wanted, id have a democrat, id have a liberal. Id uh id have have anybody i want. Stephen then do it, coward trump bernie 2024 do it look, quiet theres only one way to heal americas partisan divide that is soup ive gone full maga make america gazpacho again. Couple of croutons. Then it was time for international affairs. Trump complained yet again about america footing the bill for nato. The european nations as a combination, they should be paying the same because, you know, their economy is approximately the same size. Plus, theyre in a lot more danger than we are. We have a thing called an ocean between us, right . And, uh, they dont. Stephen what kind of weirdo says a thing called ocean . A guy named me. [laughter] stephen there you go. [applause] this is. There you go. That was worth it. You gotta go back and get that one. [trilling] this is actually a verbal tic that trump has been leaning on a lot lately. Listen to this. A thing called the civil war. A thing called ratings. A thing called truth social. A thing called super tuesday. A thing called gasoline. A thing called fish. [laughter] stephen seems weird ut theres probably a very simple explanation for why he talks that way. A thing called brain damage. Trump also. [cheering] trump also opened up about his personal struggles. Some people say, sir, how do you get out of bed in the morning . Its a war. Stephen its true. Getting out of bed is a war. First fight is rolling over. Then comes sitting up. Its absolutely harrowing. Then finally, pants. Thats the real battle of the bulge. The whole interview had a real dear leader, staterun tv vibes. Heres an actual question that greg kelly asked trump about his many criminal investigations. These cases were designed to destroy you. Yes. And theyve helped you. And some of us actually, we see, i know my audience and me too. We see that youre protected, maybe even by the hand of god. Has that ever crossed your mind . Stephen quick follow up is it true that you are the chosen one, the Kwisatz Haderach who can bring balance to the force, defeat voldemort, free us from the matrix, and then feed a hungry world by letting us all suckle on your bountiful blessed teats . My lord, may i motor boat you . Blllbbblla really . Did we find the line . No . No . Too much . The interview also touched on trumps classified documents case, and naturally, trump insisted that he did nothing wrong. Theres something going on because theyre going after me viciously. Then all of a sudden, it comes out that biden took ten times the number of documents that i did and i took em very legally. Stephen okay. Saying you did something very legally really makes it sound like you broke the law. Look, i went for a drive, very legally, very soberly, and i drove into extremely no living rooms. And as a result, a tremendous amount of my wife is very not divorcing me. In defending himself, trump insisted that he did nothing wrong, but even if he did, its okay, because the clintons did it first. By the way, they released hillary clinton. She hammered her phones. Nothing happens to bill clinton. He took it out in his socks. You know, it was a famous socks case. Stephen we all remember bill clintons socks case. Who could forget his famous line . I did not have socksual relations with that woman. Stephen takes you back, doesnt it . That takes you back. Today, donald trump was in a Florida Court for that case, presided over by trumpappointed federal judge [booing] and picture in a cursed locket that will steal your soul, aileen cannon. His lawyers argued today that the president ial records act does not apply to former president trump, because he had virtually unreviewable authority to designate president ial records as personal ones, and the National Archives has authority over only president ial records, not personal ones. Okay, so he has the power to declare president ial records personal records, and as a result, they are no longer president ial records, because, as president , they belong to him personally. As you can see, officer, i couldnt have stolen the car, because i have it. How could i steal something thats already mine . Now, do you have the keys . cause im having a hell of a time hotwiring this sumbitch. Oh, in news news, theres new news about former cnn anchor and airbnb host who keeps hanging around long after you get there, don lemon. Lemon if you remember was fired from cnn last year, but it seemed like he landed on his feet when he announced in january that he was getting a new show on twitter. And his first guest was none other than twitter owner and uber driver whos gonna ask you if you live alone, elon musk. Lemon interviewed musk just last friday, right . And evidently, it didnt go too good because shortly after, he announced elon musk has canceled the partnership i had with x. You know something went wrong when youre asked to leave twitter. Im sorry. But youre no longer welcome in our community of flatearth incel nazis. Lemon also pressed musk about his recent meeting with trump. You recently met with donald trump in florida. What did you guys talk about . I was at a breakfast at a friends place and donald trump came by. Thats it. What did you discuss . I dont lets just say he did most of the talking. Stephen okay, that checks out. Elon, other guy, i see youre enjoying a thing called breakfast. Anyway, can i have a thing called 450 million . And the rest of those pancakes. Whats that . Im getting some urgent breaking sheep news. Is this true . Yes. A montana rancher bred giant cloned frankensheep. That is awful. And not only because the most annoying guy you know just said, um, actually, its frankensheeps monster. The mad montana mutant mutton maker in question is an 80yearold rancher named arthur jack schubarth. So why did artie jack make these monsters . The goal was hunting them for sport. Yes, theres no greater thrill than hunting mans deadliest predator, sheep. Good luck evading their natural defense standing still and growing you a sweater. Turns out, all of this, the hydriding of the sheep thats all very illegal, which is why artjack pleaded guilty to wildlife trafficking after a nearly decadelong conspiracy to breed giant sheep hybrids. And theres no way to know how many illegal sheep he bred. Because every time authorities tried to count them, they immediately fell asleep. The extra illegal part of this hold on, stay focused. The extra illegal was using biological tissue obtained from a threatened species the marco polo argali sheep. Great choice for hunting, because they always reveal their location. Marco polo gotcha [applause] apparently, and this is true. To make the hybrids, he extracted semen from Bighorn Sheep after paying 400 to a hunting guide for the sheeps testicles. For that, you gotta know a guy. Hey, psst. You buyin balls . I got sheep, i got bull, i got humpback, i got ostrich, and if youre into luxury items. I got sasquatch. Last pair. [laughter] good catch. But now the sheepnanigans have come to an end. Schubarths sentencing is set for july. And you can catch up on all the details on the next episode of law order svewe. Bahhh bahhh stephen we got a great show for you tonight my guest is paul simon but when we come back, meanwhile join us, wont you . Announcer the late show with Stephen Colbert sponsored by progressive insurance. Bundle home and auto and save. Visit progressive. Com. Business. Its not a ninetofive proposition. Its all day and into the night. Its all the things that keep this world turning. The gotos that keep us going. The places we cheer. And check in. They all choose the advanced Network Solutions and round the clock partnership from comcast business. See why comcast business powers more Small Businesses than anyone else. Get started for 49. 99 a month plus ask how to get up to an 800 prepaid card. Dont wait call today. Stephen oh, hey, everybody. Welcome back. Give it up for louis cato and the late show band, everybody. There you go. [cheers and applause] good to see you. Listen, im going to ask you, im going to ask your personal question. Are you a fan of Musical Legends . Louis i am, big fan of music legends specifically. Stephen tonights guest, mr. Paul simon. [cheers and applause] he is the subject of a documentary, in restless dreams, by the great documentarian alex gibney. Going to talk about that and also he will be performing. [cheers and applause] you dont get that every day. You dont get that every day. Folks. Folks, i spend most of my time, right over there, sourcing the days finest news leather, handstiching and dyeing it into the most topical light beige matelasse chevron, then giving it a softly structured shape to which i add an oversized flap closure and antique goldtoned hardware to present to you the arresting yet tasteful gg marmont mini top handle gucci bag that is my nightly monologue. But sometimes, just sometimes, folks, i am chased into an abandoned abattoir by humananimal hybrids of my own creation and rip the shredded plastic tarp off a window, which i stuff with some acorns and tubers and strap it to my belt with a garbage twist tie and set off into the night with the demented fanny pack of news that is my segment. Meanwhile [applause] stephen its the only luggage i need. Meanwhie, an australian billionaire clive parker has revived his dream to set sail on titanic ii, a replica of the illfated ship that sank in 1912, thats just like the original with a traditional dining room firstclass dining saloon, luxurious staterooms and suites, grand ballroom, gymnasium, squash court, swimming pool, baths, theatre and casino. Yeah, im hearing a lot of words there that arent lifeboats. Lifeboats. Also, the boat will have 835 cabins with almost half of those reserved for first class, while third class passengers will be treated to stew and mash at long tables in a communal dining room, as they were on the original boat. It is truly an exact replica. Which is why it also includes the bonin car. Meanwhile. [applause] big. Big fans of the the bonin car here tonight. Meanwhile, music icon dolly parton says i think beyonce recorded jolene and its probably gonna be on her country album. A dolly partonbeyonce crossover sounds amazing i personally cant wait for jolemonade. Meanwhile, staff at a Virginia Wildlife Center pretend to be red foxes as they care for an orphaned kit by literally putting on this outfit to handfeed the baby fox in order to keep it from imprinting on humans. Which is great. But i would keep an eye on the guy who just has his own fox costume. Its a lifestyle, okay . Dont worry. I dont get as horny when i wear it to work. Meanwhile, a school in cork, ireland, is celebrating sundays oscars, specifically the win of one of its famous alumnus. The excitement when the boys came in the door this morning. They were sayin, mr. Lights, did you hear the news . And i said, what news now . And they were saying, cillian won an oscar. Its fair to say there wasnt a balloon left in cork this morning with the name cillian on it. Stephen i think its fair to say this was a huge day for the we sell only balloons with the name cillian on them store. They told me it was a terrible idea for a store, and they were right meanwhile, in teen health news, a new survey finds most teens report feeling happy or peaceful when they go without smartphones. Good for you, teens. I hear that the only people happier are your friends who are talking about you right now in a groupchat, laughing, and sharing inside jokes that youll never be able to enjoy, cause theres no catching up at this point. Meanwhile, according to a recent Passenger Survey ranking airports, new yorks own Laguardia Airport went from the Worst Airport in north america all the way to first. [applause] hell yeah. Asked to comment, the Port Authority bus terminal said don worry. Im still disgusting. Well be right back with paul simon shopify helps you sell at every stage of your business. So you can sell it online, take it in person and go big. Like a million orders big. Whatever the stage, businesses that grow grow with shopify. Type 2 diabetes . Discover the ozempic® trizone. I got the power of 3. I lowered my a1c, cv risk, and lost some weight. In studies, the majority of people reached an a1c under 7 and maintained it. Im under 7. Ozempic® lowers the risk of major cardiovascular events such as stroke, heart attack, or death in adults also with known Heart Disease. Im lowering my risk. Adults lost up to 14 pounds. I lost some weight. Ozempic® isnt for people with type 1 diabetes. 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Its amazing what real food can do. vo welcome to lobsterfest. Is your party ready . Ready to attack this new lobster shrimp stack . Its just smarter, healthier pet food. Ready for your lobster lovers dream to come true . Theyre two of ten lobster creations, only at lobsterfest. Plus, cheddar bays for days. But lobsterfest wont last, so hurry in. [cheers and applause] stephen welcome back, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, its one of those nights because my guest tonight is one of my favorite musicians of all time and probably yours. He has 16 grammys and is a twotime rock twotime rock roll hall of fame inductee. Hes the subject of a new docuseries called in restless dreams about his life and his latest album seven psalms. Its not i thought i actually enjoy. I dont like to think this is the theme of this. I like to work and then discover. See if i want this. People say, why is it that you always want to change or sound . Im not thinking that way at all. Im looking for the edge of what you can hear. I can just about hear it but i cant quite. But thats the thing i want. How do you get there . You know, its a travel. Its way on the horizon. Sometimes you find it to make something that has magic, you know . Stephen please welcome back to the late show, paul simon. [cheers and applause] [cheering] its nice to have you back. Thank you for being here. Paul thank you. Stephen they are very kind people. Lovely to see you again. So enjoyed alex gibneys documentary, saw the first part of in restless dreams last night and interviewed you over the Directors Guild about it. What i love about it is it has much the same reaction i had when i was watching Peter Jacksons documentary of the beatles and their process. I love seeing a great artist who i admire going through the process of creating their material, to see how they got to this thing that moved me so. And its about your life. Its about the first part of your career with your old partner, art. But about that process. In one of the things you say can sort of continually in this documentary is i noticed a big compliment from you is thats interesting. You are interested in things that interest you. So what was the first song you ever heard and you thought thats interesting . Paul when i was 12, i was a big yankee fan and i used it to do a score, score the ball games. You fill out the lineup and you could indicate this was a base hit, base on balls, strike one. So before the yankee games, there was a show on called, i think it was called makebelieve ballroom but im not sure. And they played pop music. I just wanted to be there on time for the yankee games in the music was so boring. It wasnt interesting. And as im filling out, you know, yogi berra, you know the d. J. Says i got this record in this morning and this has to be the worst thing ive ever heard. This record is a hit, ill eat my hat. And he plays a record called gee by the crows come on earlier r b song. It goes [scatting] oh, g, how i love that girl. Thats the first thing on there that i liked at all. And it was really the first time i guess i ever heard rock and roll. Stephen how often does your own song surprise you . You said at one point in the documentary paul i like it if it does. Stephen you said 60 integrating a song, sometimes the song will start to show you the path. What is it like when it doesnt . Paul well, its not complete. Stephen do you throw it away or put it in a drawer . Paul seldom. Dont put it in a drawer. I have thrown a couple of songs away where i said after i wrote earlier, you know what . Thats bull[bleep]. Stephen amazing, johnny calf johnny cash, aretha franklin, do you have a favorite or unexcited cover . Paul my favorite cover is arethas but the unexpected when the became one of my favorites, i should start this off by saying i was never a Frank Sinatra fan. Its before my time. I wasnt interested in the american songbook. Now i revere it. And Frank Sinatra. Anyway, i wasnt a fan. And in the 60s, he did a cover version of mrs. Robinson, you know, which stephen ive never heard it. Ive never heard his version. Paul no. He didnt set the charts on fire without. But anyway. I hear it and he is singing so ring a ding ding mrs. Robinson. Wine is fine as i can only see. He cant do that. [applause] nobody asked my permission. I am stopping the record. So they say really . You want to stop a Frank Sinatra record . I say i dont care. Yeah, you dont do that. So a couple of days later, i get a phone call from some guy at warner bros. Saying look, please dont do this. I said it was okay to do this. Dont make me go to frank. Stephen and knuckles. Stephen i said okay. The song became i love it now. Its the record that i play as soon as the concert is over because its perfect rat pack lyrics. I love it. But yeah. Not in the way i love Aretha Franklins thing which is glorious. Its so funny. Stephen one of my favorite songs. [applause] one of my favorite songs of yours is slip sliding away. Can you tell me about writing that . What was the process like for that . Beautiful structures. A man, a woman, a father, god, different points of view of these different personages. Paul the thing that i remember most about bad is its probably the song that i wrote most quickly. I think it came in less than a half an hour. I just came out. Its very unusual for me because i mean, i could take months or even a year to write a song. To that became very fast. Stephen when you write that song that fast can you go wait, can it be good . Because it came so fast. You have any doubt about the song because it came fast . Should be a struggle for you . Paul no more inclined to this is probably good. Dont touch it. Its got something it wants to say. And i think that song was it wasnt really about my life but emotionally i think it was not factually but emotionally. Stephen that song, im not sure, what year . Paul ill sing it later periods, that would be great. That would be lovely. Stephen due number what year . Paul 74. Stephen i was sitting in the car in my mom had gone to the winndixie Grocery Store and i was listening to that song in which he came out, she got in the front seat. Before she turned the engine, she listened to the lyric and the lyric was i knew a woman who became a wife. These are the very words she uses to describe her life. A good day and got no rain and bad days when i line bed and think of things that mightve been my mother, she said thats true. And i thought what is her interior life like that i know nothing about. I am ten and im looking at her going, what dont i know about her life question i think you for that. We have to take a quick break. But dont go anywhere. Well be right back with more paul simon, everybody. Stick around. shuffling crunching opera choir crescendos ahh try new savory chili wcdonalds sauce. 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With cabenuva, youre good to go. Ask your doctor about switching. Wild thing by tone loc [can opens] grab a pepsi wild cherry and get wild. [cars honking] im a guy who lost a bet. And my dignity. Get out of the way as if watching my team lose wasnt punishment enough. What are you looking at huh. Its a one speed. Hahaha. Hahaha. And if you have cut rate car insurance, odds are youll be paying for that yourself. So, get allstate and be better protected from mayhem. Like me. Hey, im walking here when enamel is gone, you cannot get it back. But you can repair it with pronamel repair. It penetrates deep into the tooth to actively repair acid weakened enamel. I recommend pronamel repair. With new pronamel repair mouthwash you can enhance that repair beyond brushing. They work great together. Stephen there you go. Hey, everybody, look at that. Its americas sweetheart, paul simon. The new documentary about your life, in restless dreams, was shot while you are working on your latest album right here. Seven psalms which came out last year. But right in the middle of working on this. [applause] right in the middle of working on this, you suffered a Serious Health crisis. Explain to the people what happened. Paul well, it was not in the middle. It was towards i dont know. It was after a while. But i lost the hearing in my left ear. It was a pretty precipitous decline. I need, it happened over a couple of months. Didnt come from any trauma or illness. It just happen. So i suspect that its, that its genetic. Stephen what does that do to you as an artist . Literally unbalance you. Paul it really, really was disconcerting. You know, it was depressing. I just didnt know what to do. Stephen did it change the way you approached your craft . To be down a man in your ears . Didnt make you less of a perfectionist . Are you a perfectionist . Paul know. Stephen youre not . Paul i understand what people mean when they say that. But its not really such a thing in music. You know. Something is either musical and its satisfying or its not satisfying in some way thats musical. Its not described by perf perfection. So if i write something and i think thats good. That part is good. That part is okay. This is good. This verse is good, all right, its okay. What i think is the ear goes to the irritant. These parts, i say okay, and i say no, i cant stand them. So i dont think its being a perfectionist to do that. Its like, that part is not musical to you. It irritates you. All i want to do is fix it. I dont want to make it the greatest piece of, you know, eight bars that i ever wrote. I just want to make it so it doesnt bother me. Stephen i had a great joke writer once said to me, gave me advice and said follow your discomfort and listen to it. Paul exactly. Stephen if the joke doesnt sound right you come you shouldnt do it. Work on it. Paul thats right. Did you do that on your monologue . Stephen tonights monologue . No, i didnt care about that. [laughter] the inspiration for this album, again, which is seven psalms, it seems too poetic. It came to you in a dream. How did that work . Paul dreams . You go to sleep. You go to sleep and then these things come into your stephen literally like a voice saying something in your head . Paul it was a very, very vivid dream and a voice said youre supposed to write or you are writing a piece called seven psalms. And it was so striking that i woke up and i wrote it down. Seven psalms. January 15, 2019. And then i put a circle around the ps of psalms. Stephen paul simon. Paul the next morning when i got up, i said im going to look up psalms. I think i know what it means but i dont know. I looked it up and i said i guess i should go to the bible. I looked at that and i said, i dont think im going to be doing this. [laughter] stephen it sounds like song. It is the song but its a song to god. Are you yourself a man of faith . Paul i would say yes. Well, let me put it another way. I think were in an unbelievable paradise on earth, and life is so mysterious a mystery, like in the rest of our galaxy, theres really no other life. And we dont know whats going on. So life is incredible. So i think what a great job you did, your god with this planet. Excellent. And the universe. Paul simon. Hats off to you, god. Fantastic universe. Stephen so your faith is an act of gratitude . Paul an act of gratitude. But it can give the explanation for our creation is not there was a creator but there another explanation i think, i am no less grateful and im no less in awe of everything and its not going to change my morality. Im not going to think that is good and good is bad because i feel when its good and i feel when i do bad. The two choices between, is there a creator or is there another explanation, i like the creator story. Thats where im at with that. You . Stephen what . Paul you . Stephen i was convicted of my atheism for many years and that i was overwhelmed by norm a of gratitude. For the world. It resonates for me because this is an enormous heartbreaking gratitude even for heartbreaking things, not because the world is beautifl but the beauty isnt necessarily happy things. Happiness is not the ultimate goal. Sublime is the goal. That feeling that even comes increased, grief with you is an act of love so we can both be sad and yet there is joy there because our ability to share our love in that moment on he lawn care for each other. That feeling, even in that there could be some thing beautiful led me to an enormous overwhelming uncontainable sense of gratitude that it had to go someplace. Paul absolutely. Stephen that led me back to my relationship with what i now call my god. Paul yeah. I understand completely. [applause] stephen we are going to take another break here. Well be right back with a performance by paul simon, everybody. Roll up to easter with fast and easy drive up. [ upbeat music plays ] drive up is fast, easy, and always free only at target. When moderate to Severe Ulcerative Colitis takes you off course. Put it in check with rinvoq, a oncedaily pill. When i wanted to see results fast, rinvoq delivered rapid symptom relief and helped leave bathroom urgency behind. Check. When uc tried to slow me down. I got lasting, steroidfree remission with rinvoq. Check. And when uc caused damage rinvoq came through by visibly repairing my colon lining. Check. Rapid symptom relief. Lasting steroidfree remission. And the chance to visibly repair the colon lining. Check, check, and check. Rinvoq can lower your ability to fight infections, including tb. Serious infections and blood clots, some fatal; cancers, including lymphoma and skin cancer; death, heart attack, stroke, and tears in the stomach or intestines occurred. People 50 and older with at least 1 Heart Disease risk factor have higher risks. Dont take if allergic to rinvoq as serious reactions can occur. Tell your doctor if you are or may become pregnant. Put uc in check and keep it there with rinvoq. Ask your gastroenterologist about rinvoq and learn how abbvie can help you save. Leftover chicken, scallions, cheese. What am i gonna make with this . Mayow mayo . Mayow best foods . . You can talk . A Chicken Salad sandwich. God i love you. Scout is protected by simparica trio and hes in it to win it simparica trio is the first chew with triple protection. Whoa fleas and ticks intestinal worms whoa heartworm disease no problem with simparica trio this drug class has been associated with neurologic Adverse Reactions including seizures. Use with caution in dogs with a history of these disorders. For winning protection go with simparica trio. Stephen ladies and gentlemen, with a song from his album seven psalms, paul si simon. [applause] yesterdays boy is gone normal driving through darkness, searching for your forgiveness sorrow, o beautiful song lives in the heart and sings for all your forgiveness inside the digital mind a homeless soul ponders the code of forgiveness and i, the last in the line hoping the gates wont be close before your forgiveness dip your hand in heavens waters gods imagination tip your hand in heavens waters all of lifes abundance in a drop of condensation dip your hand in heavens waters ooh ooh ooh ooh i i have my reasons to doubt there is a case to be made 2 billion heartbeats and out waving the flag in the last parade i have my reasons to doubt dip your hand in heavens waters gods imagination dip your hand in heavens waters all of lifes abundance in a drop of condensation dip your hand in heavens waters , i have my reasons to doubt a white light eases the pain 2 billion heartbeats or does it all begin again dip your hand in heavens wa waters dip your hand in heavens waters all of lifes abundance dip your hand in heavens waters ah, ah, ah o [applause] stephen the docuseries in restless dreams from your sundown mgm , paul simon, everybody. Well be right back