Good morning and welcome to mosaic. I am rabbi eric weiss and i am honored to be your host this morning. We would like to invite you into a serious conversation this morning about Domestic Violence and in particular, Domestic Violence in the Jewish Community. I would like to introduce you to naomi tucker who is the executive director of the. And the Youth Program coordinator. Welcome. Good morning. Lets jump in and talk a little bit about what it is and why is Domestic Violence such an important topic of conversation for us in general in our culture but in particular in our Jewish Community. It started 24 years ago because it was the most robust Domestic Violence movement in the United States we noticed jewish women were not accessing services and in the Jewish Community people were not talking about the issue and really, bought into the myth that the Jewish Community does not suffer from those problems. We knew from Domestic Violence statistics that is not true and one in four women in their lifetime may be a victim of Domestic Violence regardless of their ethnic background or religion. Or where they live in the world. We wanted to be able to figure out how we could get the message out to those women and help them and that is why we started a program specifically in our faith and Cultural Community to be able to talk about the issue and break through the denial about abuse and our community and be able to have a communal conversation so we can make it safe for women to come forward and get help. In a moment we will ask you to talk about a particular Youth Program activity that shalom byit does. Shalom byits history has a very unique aspect and that it began, if i remember correctly is a womans collective in the east bay and im wondering , since you are the founding executive director if you could talk briefly about that history. I know it is vast. But in a couple of sentences. We started around the Kitchen Table in foster city along the peninsula where i was working at a battered womens shelter and not seeing jewish women come forward. And we worked as an all volunteer group and moved to San Francisco in the early 1990s. Which is started by going to Jewish Community groups and synagogues and talking about the issue to anyone who would listen. Eventually so many women were coming for help and 70 jewish groups wanted us to come and speak that we could not we had too much business, unfortunately. To be a volunteer collective anymore. About eight years into the organization, we actually looked for funding, hired a professional staff and opened our main office, which is based in the east bay. We have both east and west bay offices and we provide services in all nine counties to both jewish and nonjewish women who are survivors of Domestic Violence. We also have a Youth Program. In addition to helping women who are in abusive relationships or who have been, we ultimately want to be able to teach young people the skills to not have to become our clients in the first place. In 2002 we started our Youth Program. And our Third Program is our Community Outreach and education which is really all about engaging the community in a broader, response to Domestic Violence and becoming the training and education so everyone can be on lord with the societal changes that need to happen in order to create a world where we dont have intimate Partner Violence at home. What a beautiful segue to what you do at shalom byit. I will mention one of the reasons that it is so well received, you ask why is it such an important issue and why are people bringing us in and one things thats one of the things i say is we know one in four women in their lifetime will be affected by Domestic Violence, but that means all of us are affected. If i am not that one in four, i will know one of those women. We work with middle School Students starting as young as sixthgrade, talking to them about what it looks like and what it means to have a healthy friendship and what it means to be a good friend. We know understanding friendships in a healthy dynamic and what that looks like, impacts future dating relationships. We work with high School Students, college students, parents as well as educators and teaching them how to recognize what is Domestic Violence and how to prevent it and support a friend. And my main passion, teaching about healthy boundaries. Understanding where the lines we are not okay with and we would not someone to cross in a relationship is actually important part of preventing abusive relationships btleand recoypes start early in a relationship. But if we are not learning those warning signs and the tools, we may not recognize the relationship until we are much further into it and it is much harder to leave a relationship at that point. We will take a quick break and come back to mosaic in a moment. Please return to this important conversation about Domestic Violence. Good morning a welcome back to mosaic. I am rabbi eric weiss and honor to be your host this morning. We started a wonderful and very important and serious conversation about Domestic Violence in general and Domestic Violence in particular in the Jewish Community. We would like to reintroduce you to naomi who is the founding executive director of shalom byit and the Youth Program coordinator. We should say that shalom byit is the hebrew phrase that means, peace in the home. Within a jewish cultural context, it is a kind of play, if we can use that word , on the importance of a jewish value we have in general. In that way using that particular jewish value to apply to the issues of Domestic Violence within jewish families. It is really our vision that every woman and child has the right to have peace in their own home and that is a basic foundation of any healthy community, to be able to be safe in your own home. Naomi, what have you seen over the years in terms of community. Changes in response. Changes in community impact. Changes in which ways the community perceives this issue and is going to talk about this issue. There has been an enormous change. In the beginning when we started, nobody would talk about Domestic Violence in the Jewish Community. Now, i think the Jewish Community here in the San Francisco bay area is very much aware of the existence of Domestic Violence that people dont question it as much and it makes it safer for women to come forward. When they turn to a friend or clergy person or a teacher to get help, the person is much more likely to believe them and connect them to supportive environments. We have an active 80 member Rabbinic Advisory Council with so many clergy who are supporting our work in many ways, including speaking about it publicly within their congregations. I think that really changes the communal conversation about how we think about Domestic Violence and makes it possible for us to both change behaviors , and also encourage women to come forward if they need help. I think that the Community Response has completely shifted over time. And my hope is that if that keeps going in the direction that someday we will live in a world where people are really safe in their own homes. Sophia, whenever we talk about an important issue like Domestic Violence, there is such an important aspect of impacting education that has to Pay Attention to the sensitivity of particular cultural frames. I am wondering in your work with youth, what are the cultural , jewish value frames that you Pay Attention to , in this particular way with Domestic Violence. That is a great question. One of the things that makes our work unique is looking at this issue, how can we take our jewish values, jewish traditions, and use it toward healing in a Womens Program as well as prevention. One of the pieces i do with youth that i love is taking ancient texts. Thousandyearold texts , text from the torah, the bible, looking at how can this text apply to our day to day life and directions. For example, the idea that we are all created in gods image. Each person deserves to be treated equally. Looking at that getting youth to think about how can i take this text and look at how it applies to my relationships today, with friends, with peers, with romantic relationships. That is a big piece of our work in the Womens Program. When you use the word text, you are referring to an excerpt from the bible or an excerpt from other jewish sacred texts like the talmud or exactly. Comment from injured jewish scholars, a rabbi, we quote a lot. One of my favorites talking about the golden rule is one of his famous quotes and talking about the entire torah is how we should treat each other equally. The rest is just commentary. Go and learn. He says the, jewish value is that we are all deserved to be treated equally. Can you talk a little bit about how you see changes in the youth you work with . One of the tangible places where i really see changes when i have the opportunity to work with youth over the years. For example, often i will reach students in sixth grade and do a followup program in seventh grade, eighth grade and keep going in high school. I have teenagers coming up to me afterwards and say, because of your workshop i realize the relationship i was in was not healthy. I was able to get out of it. And now i am supporting my peers and having healthy relationships. Those are the moments where i go, yes, this is the work i am meant to be doing. You remind me of how important learning is a wonder if for the youth you work with when you come to the self reflective in sight, do you have a sense of how the act of self reflection affect other parts of their life outside of, the range of Domestic Violence and healthy relationship issues . I think giving young people the opportunity to learn skills like how to communicate , how to have difficult conversations, how to be uncomfortable and get through it. Our skills and tools they will use in all parts of their life. I always say to teens, math is very important that sometimes you dont realize how you will use a day today. Just like talking about healthy relationships. Even though we are focusing on pure relationships, intimate relationships, i used skills i teach in my relationships at work, in talking with people on the street. This work really applies to so many different parts of our lives and i see it as beneficial to youth, not just in pure relationships but in all parts of the live. What you are saying is so important because there were so many aspects of human life where we must focus on a particular aspect and ultimately come to understand from the particularism , with a holistic, more universal issues are as they apply to a healthy life style , no matter what people are dealing with in particular. Domestic violence is really about power and control one person maintaining that control systematically in a relationship. We teach people the tools to prevent abuse in the lives, we are actually teaching them the tools to empower themselves. And to have autonomy in their lives and to value independence and to not allow themselves to be controlled by another person. Similarly, we are teaching young people the value of how they have skills in a relationship to not do that to harm someone else. And those are skills that we can apply in our lives , to be happy or Healthy Human beings. There are lots of other issues that are related. While we are out there doing prevention work with youth around dating violence, we are also giving them the tools to prevent Sexual Assault and child abuse and other kind of issues that might come up in their lives because they are the same basic tools. We think that is important in terms of preventing all kinds of abuse. Thank you so much. We will take another quick break and we will say goodbye and welcome another guest from shalom byit when we returned to mosaic. People are always asking me two words come to mind for me. One is responsibility, the other is purpose. Its just so inspiring to do research that impacts human lives. Stand up to cancer has been a critical partner in advancing research for cancer. Cancer Research Saves lives. So please help us fight in this battle against cancer. Good morning and welcome back to mosaic. We are in the middle of an important conversation about Domestic Violence and Domestic Violence in particular in the Jewish Community. I would like to reintroduce you to naomi tucker who is the founding executive director of shalom byit and introduce you to sarah who is the coordinator of Counseling Services at shalom byit. Welcome back. Thank you. Sarah, can you let us know who calls shalom byit and what a coordinator of direct supervisor does . We get calls from a wide variety of mostly women. There are male victims of Domestic Violence. Statistics show the vast majority are women. Women call us, whether they are in an abusive relationship, thinking about getting out or sometimes they have been out of a relationship for years and are processing the trauma and needing support because of some of the repercussions. Whether they are financial related to other legal issues in their lives. Most of the women that call us are jewish but we serve women from all faith communities and women who are not affiliated religiously. Some of the women who call us have children and are looking for help for the whole family and others are single individuals. We see people from all over socioeconomic status and from all over the bay area. You mentioned children. I wonder if you could talk about what you see from your perspective about the impact of Domestic Violence , in particular on children. Children are really impacted by Domestic Violence. Womens site the number one reason they leave an abusive relationship is for the sake of the childrens wellbeing but it is also the number one reason women choose to stay because they want the parent they want their children to have two parents. But what children have when they are younger they are learning so much about the world, it can be very dangerous to be in an environment where what is taught is that you trust can be violated and someone that loves you can also hurt you. And to be under the level of chronic stress of having that kind of fighting in the home. It is a sad story for children. But the good news is that children are incredibly resilient. When they have modeled to them that their parent is leading and no longer tolerate the abuse and when usually mom gets help and often the children need therapy, they can heal. They can learn that violence is not a normal thing in relationships. They are young enough and their brains are absorbing new information. It is a great time to focus on intervening and helping the whole family unit. We live in a part of the country in the bay area with just a vast , diversity. Does shalom byit provide services, no matter the profile of the abuser . Yes. I guess i am wondering what you mean about the profile. Sometimes Domestic Violence with a samesex relationship or what their relationship with somebody who may or may not literally be a married partner or even a domestic partner. And abuser can be a member of ones family across the lord or in abuser can be a friend. Or some other adult in ones life. We primarily focus on intimate partner relationships, which does indicate dating, married, having a child together, having once dated or once been married. We will provide support and some counseling or direction for anyone who is calling us about abuse in any form from anyone in their family unit or their community. And we are very lgbtq family. We have a really diverse staff staff. We speak a couple different mileages on our staff and we try to be welcoming for anyone. Miami, we need to take a quick break but can you talk briefly about what i think is naturally on peoples minds when they hear about a service like shalom byit and Domestic Violence, which is the fee structure. All of our services are free and that is important because battered women often dont have access to finances, even if they have a job. There abuser is probably controlling the income. Financial control, just like physical violence or Emotional Abuse or other forms of isolation is a common part of the pattern of abuse. It is extremely important that finances not be a barrier for women getting services. Women can come to us and all our services are free and they can no that they can get whatever help they need for as long as they need and we will walk with them all the way. We will take another break and return to mosaic in just a moment. Good morning and welcome back to mosaic. I am rabbi eric weiss. We are ending an important and lovely conversation about Domestic Violence and Domestic Violence in the Jewish Community. Welcome back sarah and naomi. Can you talk more about the concrete services that shalom bayit provides people . The First Service we provide is a phone canceling line. It is not a 24 hour line but during Business Hours we try as hard as we can to answer the phone and anyone answering the phone can provide guidance, emotional support, and some kind of concrete planning for next steps when someone is calling us. In two of our main counseling programs are really lovely. We have support group services, both in the east bay and throughout the rest of the bay area on a rotating basis. And support groups are chance for women who have been abused to come together and feel that the bus alone and some of those shame and secrecy is broken down. We have women in those groups who have experienced a very bad physical violence. Women who have had financial abuse. Women who have had verbal and psychological abuse and the get together and work on healing. File for individual counseling, focused around trauma and healing from the abuse. And navigating spirituality within a jewish lands after something atrocious like this has happened. The other services we provide are around navigating systems. Sometimes women have to go to court and they have to file Police Reports and they have to get on Public Benefits if they have lost a lot of income. I am available as a social worker to help navigating the systems. And lastly we are lucky enough to have some capability to provide small, grants of Financial Assistance for women who need money to start fresh. To heal from their abuse. You remind us that Domestic Violence is more than physical contact. It is more than hitting. I hear from a lot of women, it is not really that bad or im not sure i count as a Domestic Violence victim because he only hit me once. That is really sad that is the stereotype of what the mystic violence is and who a victim is. Domestic violence is so much more. It is exerting power and control over someone. If you dont need to hit that person to control them, the batterer may never hit you , but it is still an abusive relationship. Can you talk a little bit about the issues of confidentiality and the ways in which shalom bayit works in that way . Among the many, many barriers for folks to call shalom bayit or any Domestic Violence help structure, is the degree to which somebody can feel they were not get suddenly a return phone call that might alert somebody to what they have done. People have very reasonable concern about confidentiality. And those kinds of issues. Can you talk a little bit about that piece of it from the shalom bayit perspective . Confidentiality and safety are incredibly important to us. We asked what womens names are or colors names, but no one has to provide a name if they dont feel comfortable with that. Also, when we ask for phone numbers, in case we return a phone call, we ask, is it safe to call you. Is it safe to leave a message and say here we are would you like us to call and Say Something else. Perhaps calling with a medicine recall. Thank you. We have just one minute left. If you would like to add anything but i am curious to know, what you might say about what any individual might do to support this issue in general. I want to say that in the state of california all Domestic Violence programs are protected under statewide confidentiality laws. Women should also know when they call us we dont give out their names or information to anyone else, including law enforcement. And that is important for people to feel safe to call. Also , i think it is important for the community to know that what each person matters and helping us to stop Domestic Violence in our society. A few things that people can do are to listen and support and believe someone who tells you that they are being abused and connect them to services for help. Also, talk to our kids. Talk about how to have healthy friendships. That starts as soon as our kids can talk. That is important throughout their lifetime to learn the skills to have healthy relationships. Thank you. We need to put a comment in the conversation, there is so much more to talk about. Take this issue seriously and talk among yourselves. That you so much for being with us on mosaic. When we challenged ourselves to create the worlds most emotional and sustainable vehicle, we had tothink differently. We had to push the boundaries to not just create a car but a movement. Every fisker ocean is produced with over 50 kilograms of ethically sourced, recycled materials. Its about accomplishing something bigger than itself. A clean future for all. From cbs news bay area, this is the morning edition. Israel positions