Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, a joe new world plus stephen welcomes Stacey Abrams and Thomas Middleditch, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody there you go welcome to a late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. I want to give my wife a glass of champagne. You have been a rock the last couple of weeks. Thanks so much. Ladies and gentlemen, joe biden did it hes our next president im so happy i want to share this moment wit you, my audience, i wish we could all be together in the theater, instead of being stuck in this converted storage room but thats not going to stop me from firing the tshirt cannon come on chris, catch this. Come on, catch it okay, jimmy, thats enough. Ill fire that thing back up. Ready at a moments notice. Every time someone growns at one of my jokes, it is go time bleep . Hear that . That means its working. There you go. Finally, after four years, americans can exhale. Unless youre near other people. Then please dont. Pandemic. After bidens victory was announced, people everywhere flooded the streets, from times square to denver to san diego to miami to atlanta. That is the biggest president ial rally of all time. Not a good sign when the majority of americans react to you losing your job the way they did to us getting bin laden. It feels like america is. Whats the word. Great again . And the chanting, oh, the chanting. Heres a group in d. C. ymca ymca stephen perfect troll, both because the ymca was trumps big rally song, and because, after working for trump, i think its where steve bannon is living. Not to be outdone, this is what the celebrations looked like in l. A. all i want for christmas is you oooh baby stephen wow, trump was right. Were finally saying Merry Christmas again fun fact, this weekend a song called bleep donald trump hit number one on itunes. Although party in the u. S. A. Is refusing to concede. And it wasnt just america, people o took the streets to celebrate in canada, ireland, india, the forest moon of endor, zion, people were singing in the rain, and ultimately, trump tower collapsed. Go back to the shadow, donny now, while im happy, im also ecstatic. Im also a little tired. And im a little concerned. Weve got a raging pandemic, the biggest budget deficit in history, we pissed off every country except those ruled by dictators. In short, our Long National nightmare is different. So we cant be complacent. We have to put our heads down and keep doing the work. Starting tomorrow. For now come on, chris, do the wave thats good. Thats good. You know that second one was coming. Wasnt scripted. Just said stephen dances. Doesnt say anything about taking your head off with two pounds of cotton. laughter its all love, baby. Its all love. After the good news was announced, president elect biden and Vice President elect harris took to the stage in delaware. First up was kamala harris. This is a big deal. Harris is the first female Vice President , first black Vice President , first south asian Vice President the first Vice President to pull a kickass allwhite power suit though, to be fair, for trump, every suit is a white power suit. Harris acknowledged her place in history. The generations of women cheers and applause black women, asian, white, latina, native american women, who, throughout our nations history, have paved the way for this moment tonight. Women who fought and sacrificed so much for equality and liberty and justice for all. Including the black women who are often, too often, overlooked, but so often prove they are the backbone of our democracy. What a testament it is to joes character that had the audacity to break one of the most substantial barriers that exists in our country and select a woman as his Vice President. cars honking stephen that is the first time in the history of mankind iit was nice to see a woman get honked at hey, baby. Way to shatter that Glass Ceiling you look really good in that executive branch oh, yeah then, she introduced the man of the hour, the vice so nice hes going to the white house twice it is now my great honor to introduce the president elect of the United States of america, joe biden cheers and applause stephen look at him running laps around trump by running at all. Biden had a message of unity i pledge to be a president who seeks not to divide, but unify, who doesnt see red states or blue states, but only sees the United States. Stephen i look forward to getting there, too, sir. After six days of bingewatching steve kornacki, red states and blue states have been burned into my retinas. When i close my eyes, all i see is the map of pennsylvania. And theyve updated bucks county allegheny then the president elect addressed his opponents supporters directly and compassionately. For those of you who voted for president trump, i understand the disappointment tonight. Ive lost a couple of times myself. Stephen wait a second, admitting that youve ever lost . Why isnt he talking about shower pressure and how windmills give you cancer . He didnt even wish an accused child sex trafficker well. So unpresident ial so biden harris, theyre next up. But with all this talk about our new president elect, weve still got a president reject. And ill discuss his fall from glory in a segment im calling its rigged donald trump road from the white house. Stephen its been two days since the election was called for biden, and as of this taping, donald trump has refused to concede. Thats fine. Until he does, i refuse to remember his name. What was it . Uh. Ronald clump . Baldin grunt . It will come to me. The president has been holed up in the white house tantrum pantry, where things are so stressful, the daily mail reports his staff is lighting rosescented candles in an attempt to soften the environment, and to combat the smell of fastfood delivered to the president. Just a preview of the intense destankification the bidenharris team will have to do. Might be best to just replace the resolute desk with a giant glade plugin. The lame duck president hasnt always been this particular about the electoral count. In fact, as sharpeyed newsman John Dickerson pointed out, back in 2016, when donald trump gave his acceptance speech after clinton conceded, the electoral count hadnt reached 270. Thank goodness he didnt tweet stop the count back then or else. Nothing would have happened. They count all the votes, thats how democracy works, president grunt he also hasnt appeared in public since thursday night, when he rallied the nation with his hopeful message, my fellow americans, stand back i have a heat ray. But some of his lackeys have been more than willing to step up and embarrass themselves. Like trumps attorney and man showing where hes gonna get his prison tattoos, rudy giuliani. Giuliani is accusing everyone in america of voter fraud, and he held a press conference for trump on saturday, which trump announced on twitter would take place at the four seasons, philadelphia. Which is a lovely hotel. But he quickly corrected that to four seasons total landscaping. Now, how this happened is unclear. My guess . Incompetence. One theory is that someone in the campaign mistook the venue for a luxury hotel. Embarrassing, but not the first time Something Like this has happened. After all, who can forget when f. D. R. , stalin, and churchill met at the yalta discount toilet emporium. Flush defuehrer mistake or not, they held the press conference at the loading dock of the landscaper. Heres what it looked like thats quite an image. Projects power. Looks like the penguin announcing layoffs to his henchmen. Looks like a storage wars episode hosted by the crypt keeper. It looks like the dedication of a new Performing Arts Center at chernobyl. Although its possible giuliani goes there all the time. I wouldnt be surprised if his dentist requires landscaping tools. Even worse, but also somehow better, four seasons total landscaping is right by a crematorium and an adult video store. Makes sense. The Trump Campaign is somewhere between screwed and dead. In the presser itself, giuliani announced a unique theory as to how philadelphia went so strongly for biden. In philadelphia, they keep the vote of dead people secret. At least that is something that you can be commended for. There are dead people voting, no question about it. Stephen forget about dead people voting, theres a dead guy holding a press conference right outside the crematorium someone call the ghostbusters so, the president doesnt want to admit that its over, but it is. And when he leaves, you know what im looking forward to . Sleep. But also, the possibility that, for the first time in four years, we will be able to shift our collective focus away from him onto anything else. Maybe each other. Wouldnt that be nice . I got up this morning, walking down the steps, and i just felt all this available brain space. And there isnt anything occupying it yet. Its like a clean kitchen counter where something could be made if were just not cluttering it up with that guy. Saturday afternoon right after we heard joe had clinched the Electoral College, we were on the porch, and i sat down and just started crying with relief, and evie said, you never have to talk about him again, and then i cried with joy. Now, obama was a charismatic guy, a lot of people accused him of being a celebrity, but there were whole days when you didnt think about him. Remember that . Probably not because you werent thinking about him. I think it helped us sleep that we knew that obama slept. For the last four years, if you were up late doom scrolling, youd see the president up douche tweeting. Im also looking forward to, i dont know, people being nicer. Including me. One of the things about this job that i have found is that i tend to reflect back the national tone. And that tone comes from the top. The president s only emotions are angry, look at me, and im angry youre not looking at me. And because he was the only thing we were focused on for the last four years, and this is entirely my responsibility ive done harsher jokes than ive ever done in my entire life. This is why they say dont wrestle with a pig, because you will both get filthy, and the pig likes it. And also your pig impression hasnt gotten any better in four years. But mostly im looking forward to the idea of knowing things again. The last four years have been an assault on objective reality. He doesnt want you to know anything what causes global warming, how many people showed up to his inauguration, whats in his taxes, how much his hair costs. By the way, mr. President , how is that glued on your head . Well, i dont think science knows, actually. Stephen what does he mean, science doesnt know . Science means knowledge, yo know how i know that . Science computer science. I googled it. Weve spent the last four years debating the value of the enlightenment with a reality show host. If the president were there when the apple hit newton on the head, he would have called gravity a chinese hoax and the apple, tim apple. Personally, i think its better to know than not to know. The last four years has proven that ignorance . Less blissful than advertised. Thats why this week has been so hard. Turns out, its not easy to hold an election during a pandemic, and thanks to the massive mailin voting, it took a while to get the results. Though the president would like you to believe we will never know who really won this election. But we know its joe. And come january 20, ronald clump will know it, too. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Stacey abrams is here. But when we return, joe bidens first actions as president elect. Okay, one more time. Come on whoa stick around. Never run dry of. Killer attitude. Or hydration. Neutrogena® hydro boost. The 1 hyaluronic acid moisturizer delivers 2x the hydration for supple, bouncy skin. Neutrogena®. In a whole new way. Now roomba vacuums exactly where you need it, and offers personalized cleaning suggestions for a clean unique to you and your home. Roomba and the irobot home app. Only from irobot. Room[phone rings]obot home app. Sore throat pain . 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Its not a cure, but with one small pill. Biktarvy fights hiv to help you get to and stay undetectable. Thats when the amount of virus is so low. It cannot be measured by a lab test. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. Do not take biktarvy if you take dofetilide or rifampin. Tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take,. If you are pregnant or breastfeeding, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking biktarvy without talking to your doctor. Common side effects were diarrhea, nausea, and headache. If youre living with hiv. Keep loving who you are. And ask your doctor if biktarvy is right for you. Stephen hey, welcome back, ebbed. Lets say hello to our friend mr. Jon batiste. Hi, jon. Hello, whats the word, stephen . Whats going on . Stephen the word is all things are possible. Jon thats right, a lot of history has been made. Come on, come on stephen i want to change the subject slightly. Did you ever get a chance to meet alex trebek . I did not. Of course, ive watched jeopardy i feel like sips before i was born. Stephen i just wanted to take a quick second to tell you and the people out there a very quick story about alex. On the very last episode of the colbert report, my character gets on a sleigh and goes off to abham lincoln and santa into eternity because ewe didnt know what to do with this guy. We thought about this six months before we did it. It was talking to jon stewart and i said i want it to be lincoln, santa and me and there has to be a fourth person, im not sure who id want to spend eternity with, and he goes, alex trebek. I said, thats exactly right. So i called up alex and say, would you do this and he said, i would be happy to, but may i ask, why me . I said, youre a cultural figure up there with lincoln and santa and looks like you would be a nice guy to spend etern with, and he said, then i would be so happy to. I want to say to everyone spending eternity with alex trebek, congratulations, you have a kind man joining you now. Jon amen, amen. Stephen jon batiste, everybody. Of course, as much as were all celebrating this undoubtedly good news, theres still that nagging horror movie feeling that ive forgotten something, and coronavirus is about to jump out of the closet with a chainsaw. This weekend, the United States passed 10 million coronavirus cases. And the u. S. Has the most reported covid19 cases of any country in the world. Aaahhh , aaahhh , but, for the First Time Since this administration surrendered to the virus, there is hope that things will get better. On monday, i will name a group of leading scientists and experts as Transition Advisors to help take the bidenharris covid plan and convert it into an action blueprint that will start on january 20, 2021. That plan will be built on bedrock science. Stephen thats great and, if we accept all the bedrock science, we can also get our cars off fossil fuels and biden made good on his wacky new trust scientists plan today, when he unveiled his covid19 advisory board. A group of Public Health experts almost all of whom are doctors. I dont know if i can trust this group. Doesnt have one president ial soninlaw and, farce i can tell, none of them invented a pillow. This board is a whos who of whos smart. You got viveyk morthee, Surgeon General under obama, marcella nunezsmith, from yale, and most delicious of all rick bright, the trump whistleblower, whose dire early warnings about the pandemic went ignored, and who was ultimately fired after speaking out. Rick brite. Ooh, thats gotta sting, mr. Trump not only is biden taking your job, hes also dating your ex and you know they spend all their time laughing about how tiny your plan was. But dont worry, and then also worry, because this administration is still in office, and they are hard at work pretending to be hard at work. Because today, for the first time in weeks, mike pence hosted a White House Coronavirus task force meeting. Awwwwkkwwaard as pence first item on the agenda is anyone here hiring . Meanwhile, actual people who know stuff are doing. Things. Pfizer, the people who make viagra, Just Announced that in trials, its vaccine was more than 90 effective in preventing the disease. The fastest successful vaccine trial of all time after hearing that, if your erection lasts longer than four hours, same. And Pfizers Covid trial isnt the only good news. Today the dow surged more than 800 points in its biggest rally in five months on the Pfizer Vaccine news and the news that joe biden was declared victorious. as biden hey wall street, how ya like me dow . laughter and, of course, the president chimed in stock market up big, vaccine coming soon. Report 90 effective. Such great news well if you think thats great news, wait til you hear whos gonna be president in january well be right back with democratic star, and the woman who flipped georgia, Stacey Abrams. This is an athlete, twenty reps deep, sprinting past every leak in our softest, smoothest fabric. Shes confident, protected, her strength respected. Depend. The only thing stronger than us, is you. So, what sho d we do today . Wow. Can we get some sun . Uh, mom . Can we go to the beach . beep beep beep should we just go see a movie . Yes im always up for a good movie. Go rogue in the allnew, fiercely reimagined nissan rogue. Getwith contactlessour list, shopping at target. 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Youve got the holidays, and weve got you, with the best bargains ever. At ross. Yes for less thats why i take osteo biflex, to keep me moving the way i was made to. It nourishes and strengthens my joints for the long term. While helping with occasional joint stiffness. Osteo biflex. Yep get the gifts you love. Yesss . For everyone on your list. Youve got the holidays, and weve got you. With all the gift for less. At ross. Yes for less stephen hey welcome back, everybody she is a star of the Democratic Party whose getoutthevote efforts have transformed the state of georgia. Please welcome back to a late show, Stacey Abrams thank you so much for being here its my pleasure. Thank you for having me back. Stephen well, you have been working tirelessly for the Democratic Party to succeed to have victory in the state of georgia. Are you allowing yourself time to celebrate right now, or is there too much work to be done . I had about 17 minutes on saturday afternoon, im good. Stephen thats all you need . Now get back to work. We have to win two senate races, i cant goggle too long. Stephen im going get to that in a home but ill dwell on this a moment more. Okay. Stephen biden is said to be the first president ial candidate to win georgia since 1992. Youre being credited for your get out of vote effort, your organizing of georgia. How did you do it . I want to make sure we give credit to the groups that have been working on this a long time. My part is when i began, i wanted to focus on making sure we were in every single county, and i advanced that into multiple cycles. In 2018 i raised 4 million for my Gubernatorial Race and we kept raising money after i lost to keep focusing on teaming this infrastructure in place. We worked with other organizations, we helped seed some of those groups including the new georgia project, which i founded, fire fight, fire count, and we had 2 million voters who understood their voices were needed and they showed up. Stephen i know youre doing all these organizers and efforts with these other fraps long before you ran for governor but one of the hall m ofo that campaign was the obvious voter purchase and Voter Suppression that were going on under then secretary of state kemp, and i imagine that must have given you even more energy for this effort than before. He was a galvanizing force for the intensity of my efforts this time, yes. Stephen do you think there are any republicans on the National Level now going, oh, would be better if she was just governor. Now weve lost the whole damn state i had some time on my hands. If they would have let me have this other job, i probably would have been distracted. Stephen idle hands are democracys workshop. There you go. Stephen have you seen some of the memes about you on the internet . I have stephen please. No, no. Stephen this is my favorite. This is my favorite so far because im a lord of the rings fan. This is you defeating the rich king of angmar in lord of the rings. You fool, no man can flip me i am no man no man laughter stephen so 92 is the last time clinton won. Yes. Stephen whats different now . What do you think is most different about georgia now that they were ready to give their electoral votes to a democrat . So i worked on the 92 campaign as a College State and at the time every state office was held by a democrat except one and we lost the senate seat. Democrats controlled the legislature for 130 years. Biocircumstances we had seen a demographic shift beginning but an i logical shift release the minting and thats when democrats really controlled the state of georgia. In 2010 i put together a 21 page deck i traveled the country seeing donors with and my argument was we were having a democratic shift happening that we had to harness and, two, had an incoherent message for 20th t had to be refined and, three, we had to build a infrastructure that sought to win who was was on the ticket. We invested in City Council Races and democrat a. Races all the way up to the president ial race. I think the big difference was our ability to really maintain a consistent effort. So many groups had been doing this work for a long time but its feast or famine. When a candidate wants to invest, you get the resources and you struggle to get by, and we were able to to create sustainable in the infrastructure which meant we could win again and again and build up to the big victory in november. Stephen when it became clear georgia looked like it would swing over to bidens side, can you talk me through that moment maybe . Was it friday morning . It was actually wednesday. We had a pretty good sense because we have an amazing data team. But my partner in this work and i were texting back and forth because we had the numbers we thought were coming from the eremaining counties, an it was that morning i called her and i said this is the first time ive woken up if a november without curling into the fetal position first. And she was, like, i know, im afraid, feels like were winning. Im, like, i know, but dont say it out loud. And the numbers got bigger and bigger and we got happier and happier. Stephen do you have anything to say out there to democrats . I saw several think pieces this weekend where democrats or just political writers are saying the democrats won but did they really . Yeah, we really won. laughter there is an orange menace of pew tressens that will no longer be able to occupy the white house. Stephen putressence, i want to get that down. There is an incoming president who had moral leadership and character and who actually believes in science and facts. We have seen the chase in the face of leadership by adding kamala harris, a woman of color so that women at large and of color can see themselves in the highest positions of the land. Did i mention trump is leaving . Thats a big win. We have to get the rest of it done. Stephen we have to take a quick break. Stick around, everybody. Well be right back with more Stacey Abrams. 5. Thank you, sir. 6 over there going once. Going twice. Sold dont get mad get e trade and get more than just trading investing. Banking. Guidance. Is now even more powerful. The stronger, lastslonger energizer max. teen the stronger, mom. It happened again. Nger vo add some thrill to your wish list. At the season of audi sales event. Renew active. Only from unitedhealthcare. Watch it sweat it bend and stretch it track it share it and compare it renew active gives you so many ways to be healthy. Get medicare with more. Bubbles at this price . Is this for real . Oh, its real. Believe me. I mean this is upexpected. You would say. Remarkable . Absolutly. A remarkable deal. Thanks. I get that all the time. Wait. What . grocrey outlet jingle stephen hey, everybody, were back with one of the architects of bidens victory in georgia, Stacey Abrams. Lets get on to your next project here. Am i correct both senatorial seats will go to a runoff january 5th. Youve already raised 6 millin for those efforts. Whats your strategy there . To raise all the money as we can as fast as we can from anywhere we can. Stephen i thought you were going to say all the money there is. laughing we know kelly loeffler, q anon kelly has put in 20 million of her own money. David purdue is outer there chilling for dollars. We have to beat both of them and win. If you go to gac. Com its about contributing to our work, georgia, and saving democracy. Mitch mcconnell is not a good leader, he is not a good man, and we cannot withstand four more years of blocking and of denying the needs of americans and, so, giving to g gasenate. Com makes sure we can flip two seats at one, because we like to be efficient in the south. Stephen the Vice President elect will be the first female Vice President. What did it mean to you to see her come out on that stage as the Vice President eelect ont saturday night . Theres a saying that you cannot be what you cannot see. Its not quite a truism, because if it were we would before accomplish anything, but it is a warning, and she is a direct we piewtiation of this notion repudiation that women of color are limited in the scope of our am begs an accomplishments. W proud of her and what she signals is to come for america. Stephen one of the things thats significant is yall have broken the seal on georgia. The bucket of yess are something we can reach for now because up until now it might have been cynical but people would say to you, comin o the democrats wont take georgia, and now you have something to point at. Thats the goal. Its hard to believe in a new or now south when every single election you come this close. This time its lucy and the football. Weve i had the field goal and starting to get a complete touchdown where we cannot only deliver the 16 Electoral College votes but the two senate. Stephen people have been talk about the new south for a while. What does it mean to you . I think of it as the now south because we keep waiting for this massive change. Its going to happen incrementally and has been happening but its time for the democratic changes that occurred to meet up with the electoral powerful thats possible. That wont happen without us doing the work, educating supporting, and being honest, we dont elect saviors, we eelect workers. We elect people to work for us and make sure theyre working for every single level of government and hold them accountable. We have access to good education and good paying jobs. When we have Affordable Housing we lift the rest of the country because when you solve the challenges in the south, you solve them in the nation. Stephen john lewis passed this summer and it was s his Congressional District friday morning when the votes came in that pushed biden over the top. You miffed the map but the rest of his district learned when they came in for friday. What would you like the say to john lewis now . Thank you for being the bridge that brought us together, for being the warrior who fought for us and for being a man of principle and courage who never gave up, never gave in and always god into good trouble. Stephen her book, our time is now, is available now Stacey Abrams, everybody well be right back with the star of cbss new show b positive, Thomas Middleditch. Exploration, its in our dna. We want to see whats never been seen. Hear whats never been heard. Feel whats never been felt. We are all explorers, and there are new worlds to explore. I guess i look pretty. Ridiculous. [ chuckles ] no one looks ridiculous, bob. Progressive is always here for you with roundtheclock service. Just so you know, next time, you can submit a claim with our mobile app. Good. Thanks again for for rushing over. Are you kidding . This is what 24 7 protection looks like. Okay. You smell like fish. Sorry. I was talking to jamie. You smell like fish. Sorry. Exactly jen calm restore oat gel is formulated with prebiotic oat. And strengthens skins moisture barrier. Uh i love it aveeno® healthy. Its our nature. ™ sprinting past every leak in our softest, smoothest fabric. Shes confident, protected, her strength respected. Depend. The only thing stronger than us, is you. Depend. And along the way, we noticed wevsomething was missing. Asts. A warm cinnamon roll for breakfast, or with breakfast. A fluffy blueberry muffin, from the drive thru youre already driving through. A glazed apple fritter, which might find its way into your coffee. These are options every breakfasthaver should have, and now. They do. Meet the new bakery sweets at mcdonalds ba da ba ba ba less oral steroids. Taking my treatment at home. Nucala is a oncemonthly addon injection for severe eosinophilic asthma. Not for sudden breathing problems. Allergic reactions can occur. Get help right away for swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or trouble breathing. Infections that can cause shingles have occurred. Dont stop steroids unless told by your doctor. Tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. May cause headache, injection site reactions, back pain, and fatigue. Ask your doctor about nucala at home. Find your nunormal with nucala. Theres no bad time to start at amazon. Ome. I like the flexibility. It also allows for picking up shifts. Safety comes first, speed comes second. Safety. Safety. Safety. Were making sure that somebody is getting their very important items. It makes me very happy. Stephen hello, everybody. Welcome back to a late shoguest from Silicon Valley around his comedy special middleditch and schwartz. His new show b positive is on cbs. Please welcome, Thomas Middleditch hello, Thomas Middleditch, how are you . Just dandy. I have a full three dimensional audio set up. Stephen with you wearing the head set, i feel im a noncharacter player in a video game. What about what you see before you is offbrand . Stephen and a spiral staircase, the least efficient form of stairs case possible. Well not if you want to conserve horizontal space. Stephen thats all we have time for. Okay. Stephen so good to see you, thomas. As always. Now, you supported biden, right . Allegedly, yeah. Stephen but youre a canadian so you cant vote. Yeah. Stephen so that must have been tough. How did you hear the good news . I was asleep and woke up to the banging of pots and hooting and hollering in my neighborhood, yeah. Stephen that happens to a lot of people who live in cities. Liberal states. Stephen rrrrrr whos going to pay for those pots and pans . Making all that racquet you and those skateboarders stephen did you grab your own pot and pan and bang on things . I did a couple of hoots. I did a couple of whoo but i was joining in on that type of revel ri. Stephen is that you or just canadian. Probably a little bit of both. I wasnt drunk enough at 9 00 a. M. To hoot and holler. Stephen whats it like being a canadian living through an American Election . Because there are no elections like this one. Yeah. Its weird to want a certain outcome so bad and be powerless and being other, like, hey, i hope you guys pull it together and vote. Meanwhile, i have my test here witing in line. Stephen are you applying for citizenship . I have been in my waiting to take the test for like a year. Stephen okay. Because i was wondering what these ive got these questions from the citizenship test, and i thought maybe i could pepper this interview with some of the questions. But i havent i need you to know i havent been studying for a year. Stephen it doesnt matter. Maybe youre a natural. Maybe youre a natural. Okay. Okay. laughter stephen and you are okay, raise your right hand and say, i, state your name. I Thomas Middleditch. Would hike to ride an eagle. I would like to ride an eagle. Stephen and kiss the statue of liberty. And kiss that sweet statu stf liberty. Stephen next question. With verbal consent. Stephen with 100 percent consent. She has the torch. You dont mess with her. What is the supreme law of the land in the United States . This is an actual question. The constitution. Stephen ding, ding, ding, ding, ding okay. Well, welcome to cbs, welcome to the eye. Welcome to the tiffany. Yes. Stephen the show is b positive about a man who needs a kidney donor. Would you give somebody your kidney . It depends entirely who but in theory, yes. Stephen youre theoretically giving and altruistic, but i have to like the guy. Or girl. I do have it on my drivers license that you can just harvest all the organs. Get them out of me. Stephen but we have to wait till youre dead for that. Sure, but there are ways of making that happen. Why am i plotting my own murder. Stephen i dont know, but i like it. Yeah. Stephen what stops one branch of government from becoming too powerful . Checks and balances. Stephen bang, baby you are on your way. Is that real . Stephen yes, checks and balances, thats the real answer. I didnt know that was an official term. I just hear that on the news. Stephen name one thing Benjamin Franklin was famous for. Put ten seconds on the clock, please. Ben frank rine was famous for jumping that dirt bike over all those cars and stephen exactly. Wiped out, with im proud to be american in the background. Stephen he wiped out and invented the hip pin as a result. First post master general who started the first free libraries. I hope you will play again. But were going to send you home are our consolation prize, youre a famous tv star. Please, stephen, can i stay . Stephen you can stay, you just cant vote yet. His new show b positive airs thursdays at 8 30 on cbs. Thomas middleditch, well be right back. Thank you, thomas. Stephen thats it for a late show, everybody. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be hugh grant and sturgill simpson. James corden is next, but first, lets say good night with some music from jon batiste and stay human. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org sunday, monday, happy days tuesday, wednesday, happy days no more trump, just happy days its really true the map is blue unless he stagesou