Just like all my other past proteges. You are strong as an ox. You are the picture of health you are you feeling all right . I mean, i know im just a manifestation of your ego, but you seem a little shaky. He is sick. He should put his mask on and protect those around him. Shut up. No one invited you up here. Mr. President , please, come. We must project false confidence. Ill dictate a statement to you. I just left walter reed. Ive learned so much about the coronavirus. And i learned so much about coronavirus. And now im better and now im better. And maybe im immune. I dont know. And maybe im immune i dont know. laughing coughing . This bastard gave me covid. No one ever listens to krab of reason. Krab of reason, this fall on cbs. Its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight dont mask, dont tell. Plus, stephen welcomes Jerry Seinfeld and musical guest ella mai featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen well, well, well welcome to a late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert. You know, ladies and gentlement, when donald trump first contracted the coronavirus, i thought that maybe, just maybe, he would emerge from this experience with a shred of humility, becaus honestly nothing would disarm critics more than if he stood up and told the world, i was wrong. I learned my lesson, and i truly sympathize with the who have been gravely ill or last their lives on to this pandemic. I learned my lesson, and i truly sympathize with the but i forgot one thing about trump he never does that. He never changes. Hes a teflon trout. He just swims through all the normal experiences of the world and not a barnacle of learning sticks to him. Hes the least wise person in history. Hes the antisolomon. as trump what if this time, we sewed two babies together . The straw that broke my brains back was his dramatic return last night to the white house from walter reed on marine one. It was timed so it could appear live on the evening news, and every bit of it was pure strongman propaganda. Here he is leaving the hospital there you go. Pump your fist. And then slowly tapping the handrail. Youre contagious. Stop touching it. Then back at the white house, rather than use the usual groundlevel entrance, he climbed up the stairs. Only donald trump would think climbing stairs is a feat of strength. as trump now watch me drink water with one hand, and for my final trick, i will close this umbrella. It cant be done how did you do it, mary popins once on the balcony, kim jong don removed his mask. as trump im back from the hospital, and just to put any lingering doubts to rest ive learned nothing. Kneel before me, ye weak and withered, and inhale my precious droplets trump wanted this to be a show of strength, but moments after taking off his mask, he was clearly struggling to breathe. Still, its a strong look. Because nothing bad ever happens to people who are famous for their balconies mussolini, saddam, juliet. It was all stupid, but heres the stupidest part. After leaving the balcony and going into the white house, he went back out and was seen reshooting his entrance into the white house. You dont get to do reshoots of actual important moments. Okay, honey, i had the lens cap on. Hey, doc, can we put the baby back in . Get a shoehorn. Sorry, doctors, everybody, back to one remember, youre in pain, and push its magical. It seemed like the whole thing was propaganda. And it really seemed like it was propaganda when they released it as propaganda stephen good gerbils. Not only was that campaign propaganda, its also a trailer for the upcoming movie, triumph of the ill. Trump coming home and taking off the mask really sends a bad message. In fact, the only thing worse than the message this sent is the actual message he sent i learned so much about coronavirus. And one thing thats for certain, dont let it dominate you. Dont be afraid of it. Youre gonna beat it. Stephen once again, he learns nothing. Hes like if scrooge woke up on Christmas Morning and said, ive been visited by three ghosts. Pdont be afraid of them, folks, and dont let them dominate you. I just put on my bose noise canceling headphones and slept like a ginsoaked baby. The point is, im going to infect tiny tim with coronavirus. Somebody get me a goose. Hes going to lick the goose and give it to the krachet family. I think thats whats going to happen. But trump has good reason to be positive about the virus. We have the best medical equipment. We have the best medicines, all developed recently. Stephen as trump we have the best medicine. We all have experimental treatments that nobody else has gotten. We all have the best helicopter to fly us to and from our publicly subsidized mansion that itself contains an inhome intensive care unit itself. Were definitely gonna beat this virus. Thats what we all have. Not sure about you all, though. We all have that. One of the reasons trump was feeling so peppy is that hes jacked up on the steroid dexamethasone. Steroids can make you feel invincible. Ive had them. You go from i can barely stand up to ill punch a tiger in the nuts work it like a speed bag. Of course, its not the first time a president has returned to the white house on steroids. Eisenhower had a heart attack, and when he returned to the white house, he looked like this. Ike smash ultimately, trump had a simple repetitive message for the country go out and get some sick. Dont let it dominate. Dont let it take over your lives. Were going back, were going back to work. Were gonna be out front. As your leader, i had to do that. I knew theres danger to it, but i had to do it. I stood out front. I led. Nobody thats a leader would not do what i did. And i know theres a risk, theres a danger, but thats okay. And now im better, and maybe im immune. I dont know. But dont let it dominate your lives. Get out there. Be careful. Pmessage. N okay, thats a mixed its like a fire marshall saying, dont let the fire dominate you. Walk directly into the flames, you cowards be careful. Then to reinforce his call to make america a death cult again, trump tweeted, flu season is coming up many people every year, sometimes over 100,000, and despite the vaccine, die from the flu. Are we going to close down our country . No, we have learned to live with it, just like we are learning to live with covid, in most populations, far less lethal adding, dont fear the reaper, baby. Take my hand. Dont fear the reaper, well be able to fly. Baby im your man, coronananana. Needs more cow bell. Okay, first of all, what you wrote was wrong. How wrong . It was pulled down by facebook. Second, you have covid, and youre trying to change the subject to other diseases. It reminds me of that scene in jaws. The flu still kills more people a year stephen so how did the leader of the free world catch a virus that most americans have successfully avoided . It all comes down to the white houses prevention strategy they dont have one. Instead of using proven covid Safety Measures like masks and social distancing, the white house used a test with a 10 to 20 false negative rate. Testing alone doesnt stop you from getting the virus. Thats like saying, babe, should we use a condom . And she said, dont worry about it. I take a pregnancy test every morning, so were going. The president must be feeling better, or at least feeling manic, because after weeks of back and forth with nancy pelosi, this afternoon, trump halted covid19 relief talks until after the election. That means no additional Unemployment Benefits for millions of americans who are out of work. Trumps doctors might not be telling us about what side effects he has from covid19 but one thing is for sure its its not an enlarged heart. Come on, mr. President. Weve seen your taxes. You know what its like to be broke. In his tweet announcing his roidonomics plan, trump promised that immediately after i win, we will pass a major stimulus bill that focuses on hardworking americans and small business. Hes holding the American People hostage so theyll vote for him. That explains his new Campaign Signs vote trump and no one gets hurt only one little problem with that plan hes not winning. In the latest cnn poll, biden leads trump by 16 points. as trump im also going to have a plan for covid. Right after People Magazine names me the sexiest man alive. Im coming for you mcconaughey. Trump tried to reassure the nation our economy is doing very well. The stock market is at record levels, jobs and unemployment dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, also coming back in record numbers. We are leading the world in economic recovery, and the best is yet to come. That didnt quite sound enthusiastic enough. Kimberly . The best is yet to come stephen well, it could not get any worse. Is what i keep saying. Wall street saw trumps tweet about how theyre doing and immediately tumbled 600 points. Yes, they s pd themselves. Now, agreeing to a stimulus package this close to the election was always going to be tough, but with his tweet, trump now owns this issue. One Trump Campaign staff marveled, you have to try to be this politically inept. What is going on in the white house . Where is mark meadows . Now, no one has seen him. But they did spot this ficus with legs running out of the white house. Trumps not the only one feeling under the weather. As a result of the administrations disastrous lack of covid security, at least 19 people have now tested positive who had been in recent contact with the president or attended white house or campaign events. 19 people taken down those are john wick numbers. 19 people got close enough to trump to get covid. And i want to point out, none of them were his kids. Thats got to hurt eric. as eric dad, ill still take a hug and earlier today, the pentagon announced that the joint chiefs of staff are in quarantine after an admiral tested positive for covid19. Luckily, if a war breaks out, theyre all ready to handle it over zoom. as general wait, im sorry, were you about to launch a missile or was i . No . Okay, you go first. Whos got the launch codes . Youre on mute what with the president dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight, its easy to forget that hes trying to drag the rest of us to hell, too. Consider the Supreme Court, where his new nominee would give conservatives a 63 majority. And we got a preview of what that imbalance might mean, thanks to Supreme Court justices alito and thomas, seen here noticing that women have full bodily autonomy. Yesterday, thomas and alito issued an opinion suggesting the Supreme Court could overturn samesex marriage. What . No not now, Supreme Court were all a little busy with the all of it. You cant take away gay weddings because none of us can have any weddings right now. Heres what happened on monday, the court declined to hear a case about gay marriage, but alito and thomas used it as an opportunity to attack the 2015 decision legalizing gay marriage, writing that it lets the government brand religious adherents who believe that marriage is between one man and one woman as bigots, making their religious liberty concerns that much easier to dismiss. Nope. Ong. Those people can still believe whatever they want. They just cant force those beliefs on others. Im a catholic. I believe in giving up meat on fridays during lent. Thats my right. But it does not give me the right to go into a texas roadhouse and start knocking steaks off the tables like an angry cat. And i want to they already let you throw peanut shells on the damn floor weve got a great show for you tonight. Jerry seinfeld is here. Wont you stick around . This week on the upper hands. Special guest flo challenges the hand models to show off the ease of comparing rates with progressives home quote explorer. International hand model jonjon gets personal. Your wayward pinky is grotesque. Then a high stakes pattycake Battle Royale ends in triumph. You have the upper hands its a race to the lowest rate, and so much more. Only on the upper hands. Working within amazon transportation services, i really saw the challenge of climate change. We want to be sustainable, but when you have a truck covering over 300 miles, or you have flights going hundreds of miles, its a bit more challenging. We are letting the data guide us to the best solution. Its inspiring to try to solve a problem that no one else has solved. Thats super exciting. Now any order can be rewarding when you use the app. No matter how you pay, youll be closer to earning rewards and getting more of your favorites for free. More ways to pay, more ways to get rewarded. Starbucks rewards. Their laundry smells moremily amazing than ever. Flings, uh, honey . Isnt that the dogs towel . Hey, me towel su towel. Theres more gain scent plus oxi boost and febreze odor remover in every fling. Gain. Seriously good scent dynanana, nana, nana, eh dynanana, nana, nana, eh dynanana, nana, nana, eh light it up, dynamite shining through the city with a little funk and soul so ima light it up like dynamite cause, ahah, shining through the city with a little funk and soul ima light it up like dynamite, whoa they do one of the most deven in normal times. S, our Frontline Health care workers. And when these heroes lack the resources they need, that risky job gets ten times harder. Prop fifteen makes corporations pay their fair share. To invest in our communities, in our clinics, in the essential workers who treat everyone rich, poor, and inbetween. Whether its this pandemic or the next health crisis, vote yes on prop fifteen. For all of us. Stephen welcome back, everybody. Lets say hello to our friend jon batiste. Hello, jon. Jon hey, whats going on, stephen . How you doing. Stephen you know whats on my mind right now is the passing of the great eddie van halen. Died today at age 65. Jon yup, the great eddie van halen, true genius, who will always be here with us through his music. His spirit is going to transcend his lifetime, for sure. Stephen ill never forget when i was 15 years old, i went and spent a couple of weeks with a friend of mine in another town, a guy named bill clark. And bill said this is 1979, i think, Something Like that, 1979. He goes, sit down, im going to play an album called women and children first. And he we listened to van halen one help me out. Van halen one, van halen two, women and children first. I remember hearing eruption for the first time. Run with the devil. Jamies crying. Unbelievable. 2 he changed what i thought was possible with a guitar. What a genius. Jon he had his own technique. He had his own sound. I love hearing those stories from quincy jones would tell me about when they were record ago. Stephen wait, quincy recorded van halen . Jon yes, oh, yes. He roared van halen, and he had a technique about how he played that he would always cover himself on stage, but quincy got a chance to see it. I loof that stuff. Stephen i forgot he would turn away for his hammerings. Jon exactly, exactly. His sound is you cant match it. You cant recreate that. Thats what i love about the geniuses of instruments, like the piano and guitar. Its the same thing. But they make it sound like them. Stephen well, jon, would you mind making it sound like you as we go out to talk to mr. Jerry seinfeld . Stephen jon batiste, everybody, thank you, jon. My guest tonight is a comedian, actor, writer, and producer who has written a new book, is this anything . Please welcome to a late show, Jerry Seinfeld. Hello, Jerry Seinfeld. How are you . You know, Stephen Colbert. How are you, sir . Stephen im doing okay. Its really nice to see you again. Its been too long. Its been a long time. Stephen the last time you you were here you said one of the things you liked most about the show is how uncomfortable it was for me how to greet the guests after going down the two steps. It seemed to be the one little piece of behavior you were struggling with as you were trying to turn yourself into a talk show host, a normal person. Stephen okay. And i just always noticed but i dont think it wasnt really completely your fault. I dont think people like that moment. Stephen what what theres a lot of options and theres a lot of confusion. And now theres even more. Stephen right. And how do you like the zoom . How is the awkwardness of this . Does this feel this stinks. It stinks. You know, we like people. We want to be in front of people. Although, you and i, i think, are entertaining in any form. Stephen thank you. I i would agree with you. Yeah. Stephen as someone who enjoys awkwardness, in the world, not just in this, in the world do you enjoy the awkwardness you see with covid . Because you dont know, like, when necessarily to socially distance or is this the appropriate ill tell you one thing i really dont care for is the little that seems to accompany the elbow attempt. Theres as you a little laugh like. Stephen yes. Just either do tdont do it. I dont think its going to last. Do you think the elbow thing is going to last . Stephen no. I dont think its going to last. Stephen as soon as theres a vaccine theres going to be a great rubbing of parts in america again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stephen its all going to come back out. Theres your novel. Theres your next novel right there. Stephen whats it like you work out your material meticulously, like in front of a crowd. Meticulously. I love it. Stephen no audience, hoare you working anything out . Or if youre not working it out, is it driving you crazy . You know, im okay. I like to just write. Writing is a is a is a life mission, a way of life. And, you know, i was actually just writing before i was i was over there, and now im over here. And, you know, in your mind, when youre writing, everythings great. In your mind, all the material works. And then the audience tells you the truth. Stephen ive often thought that, that, like the moment i go do the material because, obviously, i have a team of writers and everything and i read the scripts and i think, oh, my god. Thats perfect sheet music. All i can do now is bleep up the way i play the violin. Do you know what i mean . I have to i have to add something to it or else i should just give the sheet music to the audience. Is that the language we use now . Is that okay . Stephen yeah, it is. Cbs cbs is fine. Really . Stephen cbs is fine bleep sucky. laughter youve got to come back to broadcast, jerry theyre getting killed by cable. Theyll let me say anything now last night i said bleep . And they were like, hilarious. Just do it. Every word of that sentence just got blepped, i think, including and especially bleep . laughter im tired. Im a little tired. Im just a little tired. I apologize i apologize for the salty talk. Ive been shouting ive been shouting jokes into an altoid can and throwing it off an overpass for eight months now. I have no idea if anyone even watches this theres no that he was im not just shouting these little i watch it. Stephen you do . I watch it. Stephen thats nice, jerry. But, i mean, its sad, its sad, its sad to watch. laughter . Stephen yeah, its a a katharthsis either way. I like you and i like the show. You know, i watch it for somebody i want to see. Stephen yeah. And but youre youre essential awkwardness and discomfort is always always entertains me. Stephen oh, thank you, thank you. Then you must have really enjoyed the first couple of months of me doing this show without an audience. I did, i did gli would just finish the show, crawl under the couch, bury my face in a pillow and go, i have no idea how to do this. We have to take a quick break, but stick around, everybody. Well be back with more Jerry Seinfeld. The race is never over. The journey has no port. The adventure never ends, because we are always on the way. Who trust in our performance and comfortable, longlasting protection. Because your strength is supported by ours. Depend. The only thing stronger than us, is you. Crunchy oat clusters with a hotouch of honey. Ombine. Plump, juicy raisins. And tasty fiber. Into one delicious cereal . It took a lot of branstorming. Get it . Kelloggs raisin bran crunch. Two scoops of delicious. I remember herwho was because she had a bracelet that had the names of her children. She asked me, doctor, am i going to be okay . and i could not give her the answer that i wanted to give her. There is no excuse for why we dont have this under control at this point. Joe biden listens to medical experts. He actually has a plan that does the things that we should have been doing many months ago. And joe biden is not going to let his ego get in the way of fighting the disease. Ff pac is responsible for the content of this ad. Renew active. Only fro lift it althcare. Press it downward dog it watch it sweat it bend and stretch it track it share it compare it think it solve it try and crack it breath it calm it and renew it renew active from unitedhealthcare gives you so many ways to be healthy. Powered by aarp staying sharp and fitbit. And included in Unitedhealthcare Medicare plans. Unitedhealthcare. Get medicare with more. Stephen hey, everybody, were back with the author of is this anything . , Jerry Seinfeld. Im going to ask you a question that i asked you during comedians and cars getting coffee, whe did that. It didnt make it to the cut. I dont think it made to the edit what people saw which was nice of you because its a terrible question. Do you know what im going to ask you . You know, yes. Stephen you asked me, if i was a guest on the show it was between the shows, what would you ask me . And i literally asked you the first thing that was on my mind. And you said,thats a terrible question. And i said, yeah, youre right. The question was, do you still enjoy doing standup . And the reason was that i had just ended a show that i had done for almost 10 years, and i still enjoyed it, but i could tell i was about to not enjoy it. Right. Stephen thats what was on my mind. My mo, jerry, do you still enjoy doing standup . Well, i do, i really do. I think im one of shows surfers you know, those old guys that just still paddle out every day, and nobody even knows theyre doing it. But its like, they have to do it, and its just part of the day, and part of the deal, and stephen sure. Thats why i do it. Its. I i really live off it. I live off it. Its a beautiful, natural, energetic thing. Its so natural and real. And i and i i can be accused of using too many surfing analogies, but thats the thing i wanted to do in my life they didnt do. I really wanted to do. And never did it. Stephen have you been arb kuzzed of using too many surfing analogies in the past . You know, i could be, if you said that. Stephen i would never do that. I would never do that. Its never too late. Have you ever tried to go sushing . I tried 20 years ago. You need a certain kind of knees, you know. You need good quads. I dont have it. I dont have what you need. Stephen do you have a fire of sharks or anything like that . I have the fear of the sharks where the waves are good. Im afraid of the sharks on youtube more than i am in real life. The youtube sharks scare me the most. Stephen very hungry, very hungry. Do you know how to stop youtube from sending you shark attack kayakers videos . How do i make them stop . Because i watched one i watched one, and i dont want to watch 30. Stephen you have to do you know how to stop it . Stephen i dont. I dont. I think you have to watch a lot of Something Else to, like, throw off the algorithm. Okay, all right. Stephen or change the name and burn off your fingerprints, because theyve got you now. Thats it. Thats what theyre hitting you with. Well, i watched one. You watch one. You have to be very careful. Even if you dont watch it, if you let it play, and without clicking play, but just kind of let it play. Stephen oh, where it does the automatic thing. Yeah. And then theyll smell you out and go, oh, he likes it. Give him more of that. Stephen i fell asleep one night. I was on the road and i put my computer there, and a hypnotic sleep video, something to make me go to sleep. And it played like someone going, and youre relaxed, and theres a meadow whatever, i woke up at, like, 4 00 in the morning, and it was still on. But it had already played, whatever the algorithm decided, there was a womans face this big going, i am your focus. You will send me a check for 1,000. And i almost did it. I just wanted to see, you know, what would happen if i did. You typing in hypnotic sleep videos. Your wife was out of town, i assume. Stephen no, i was out of town. I was out of town. Oh, you were out of town. Stephen i dont sleep well oh, that is the level of sadness that you have reached. Hypnotic sleep videos . Stephen what, its i dont want to pop pills. I dont know what your hollywood answer sjer. But im not a pill popper. Transcendental meditation. Stephen do you meditate . Oh, yeah, im the big meditator guy. One of the great meditator s. Stephen i had no idea. I had no idea. Yeah, since 1972. Stephen i like the breathing. You have been meditating since 1972. I have been doing transcendental meditation since 1972. Its the greatest technique for rest and lowering the stress level. Look at me. Dont you wonder, how could this guy be so relaxed and so happy in in the middle of this terb crisis . Stephen thats what i said before the camera turned on. Thats what i said, you seem relaxed. And you said, yes. And i said, it must be lonely. No, its transcendental meditation. Stephen ill try it. Is there an app or something . No. Stephen this is my life, this is it. Just type in hypnotic sleep videos. Stephen jerry were not close to talking about your book yet. Theyre waving numbers to me here but theyre meaningless to me because im talking to Jerry Seinfeld. You have a book. Its called is this anything . For the people out there who arent comedians who arent trying to come up with jokes with their friends, explain what is this anything . Means to you . Is this anything . Is what i say before you try a bit out on another comedian. I have been saying that my whole life. So this book, stephen, thats everything i ive done with my life. Thats my whole life in a book. Stephen its double spaced. Its its double spaced, jerry. Youve padded out your life. laughter . Yeah. Stephen its literally double spaced. Yeah. Because it because it reads like a a standup resident better that way. Stephen i understand. I dont really. Why dont you perform one of the bits in there. At the post office they have posters. Collect stamps. Its fun. Really, at what point in stamp collecting do you feel the fun is really kicking in . You get the stamp. You bring it home. You put it in a drawer. Come back a year later. hey, still got it that stamp that stamp is collected i guess you never get bored of the stamps. You can turn them over. Youve got the glue collection. They always say, fun for the whole family. Nothing is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors are ice cream and dpre jewelry, no racetracks thats a good outlet. Stephen thats quite delightful. Quite delightful. What is making you laugh these days . People need what are you watching . You know, im watching a lot of Marx Brothers these days. Stephen groucho right over your shoulder. I love the brothers. I always have. Its a fascinating show business story. Their kinetic energy, their timing, their physical stuff, their verbal stuff, you can just take it apart endlessly and appreciate it. And it just holds up so beautifully. The material is so funny still. Stephen do your children think youre funny, jerry . You know, uhm, yes, they do. They do. I do pretty well. Stephen is it important to you that they think youre funny . Its important that everyone anyone you are doing a joke to, you want them to laugh, dont you . Stephen of course, but they dont have to identify you, naturally as dad equals funny. It could be dad. There could be other qualities dad has. Oh, yeah, i have other qualities. Stephen name one. Name one. Name one. Uhm. Stephen i have a factchecking team here that is shaking their heads. Youre not what . You know, im not attentive. Im im always happy to do a favor for anyone that needs a favor. Stephen jerry, im doing a benefit later this year, im doing a benefit later this year, and ficould interview you for this benefit that would be fantastic. Sure, im in. Stephen great, done. Thats on tape. That stays in the interview right there. All those words against me, as Lindsey Graham said. Save the tape. Stephen let me ask you about Something Else. This oped you did in the New York Times about new york, about people saying new york is dead. I dont know a Single Person who actually has stayed in new york who wasnt offended by people saying, new york is dead. Its never coming back. The presidet just said what did he say . Its a ghost town. Doesnt know if the town is going to recover. Do you have any thoughts about the president s assessment . Well, you know, anybody can look at this present moment and assume that thats the way things will always be, and thats just thats a thats a foible of human perception. We think today is everything. We we struggle to zoom out to see this is all just another passing moment. Its these are all just passing moments. Stephen are you being transcendental right now . Is this the meditation talking . You know, a little bit. You do kind of transcend the you know, dont whats the name of that thing that they use in california . Stephen e. K. G. Seismograph . This thing . You know, dont do that with your life. Dont do that with your day. Thats the thats the tendency. Something good, i go up. Something bad, i go down. Something good you dont live like that. New york city has been my north star my whole life. I know its not going to leave us as this very unique culture environment and personality. New york is a personality to me. Stephen yeah. Its not just a city. And, you know, every city has its residents that act a certain way. New york has a very certain personality. You cant transplant that to knoxville. It wont work. Stephen also a love town, though. Okay. Stephen its a nationally televised show. Its a nationally televised show. Maybe cut the swearing out and broaden the appeal. Stephen bleep those people. laughter we have to take a quick break, jerry, but stick around everybody, well be back with more from the author of is this anything . , Jerry Seinfeld. And an oreo mcflurry. There you go. The j balvin meal. Get it on the mcdonalds app and the mcflurry is on me. Im lovin it this is the feeling of total protection now that we protect your identity, and mobile phone, as well as auto home and life youve never been in better hands allstate click or call for a quote today now roomba vacuums exactly where you need it. Alexa, tell roomba to vacuum in front of the couch. And offers personalized cleaning suggestions for a clean unique to you and your home. Roomba and the irobot home app. Only from irobot. Families with Young Children could get nearly 7,000 dollars for child care. Buying your first home, youll get 15,000 dollars towards the down payment. If you get paid by the hour, your income could grow by as much as 14,000 dollars. Older seniors, your yearly Social Security benefits could increase by 1,300 dollars. The biden plan the wealthy and big corporations pay more, you benefit. Im joe biden and i approve this message. You benefit. Goldwe believe intriana good we can all afford. Sing it, yeah, yeah from a lighter load on the planet. All gold to e to shoes with a lighter footprint. Yeah, good to me and ask your doctor about biktarvy. Biktarvy is a complete, onepill, onceaday treatment used for hiv in certain adults. Its not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights hiv to help you get to and stay undetectable. Thats when the amount of virus is so low it cannot be measured by a lab test. Research shows people who take hiv treatment every day and get to and stay undetectable can no longer transmit hiv through sex. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. Do not take biktarvy if you take dofetilide or rifampin. Tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking biktarvy without talking to your doctor. Common side effects were diarrhea, nausea, and headache. If youre living with hiv, keep loving who you are. And ask your doctor if biktarvy is right for you. Now any order can be rewarding when you use the app. No matter how you pay, youll be closer to earning rewards and getting more of your favorites for free. More ways to pay, more ways to get rewarded. Starbucks rewards. More ways to get rewarded. Proposition 16 takes some women make as little as 42 of what a man makes. Voting yes on prop 16 helps us fix that. Its supported by leaders like Kamala Harris and opposed by those who have always opposed equality. We either fall from grace or we rise. Together. Proposition 16 provides equal opportunities, levelling the Playing Field for all of us. Vote yes on prop 16. Stephen were back with americas sweetheart Jerry Seinfeld. The book begins in the 70s. It goes all the way up to today, including the pandemic. Do you do you think, as an observer of the human condition, do you think this moment were in right now is going to be relative and applicable to our lives after this . Or are we in, like a mount zesuvus moment. Not every day is pompeii getting buried in lava . Do you think this moment right now is going to be understandable to the people who didnt go through it . Is it a common enough Human Experience were having right now . You know, nobody didnt go through it unless youre born five years from now. Stephen thats what i mean. No, it wont be no. We dont understand world war ii. Thats why we were always asking our parents about it. Because we cant we cant understand it. And theyll be asking about this. And theyll never understand what it was really like its stephen what is it really like, jerry . You know, its its really like. The whole planet getting detention. And when you get out of detention, youre really going to see things a little hopefully youre going to learn to appreciate a little better. Thats what we have to do. But we probably wont. Stephen maybe not. But its nice to hold on to that. Lets try. Stephen nice to hold on to that hope. Lets try. Lets try to appreciate i went to a restaurant last night for the First Time Since february. Stephen okay. And it was outside, but even so, i hadnt seen a menu or a waitress is since february. And it was the most exciting, odd, strange thing. It was like, wow a restaurant. And they bring the food and the check the check i got a check laughing stephen what did you have . What did you order . What did you order, jerry . You know, uhmi think it was a tortellini bolognese. Stephen do we have time to go any further with this order . Were out of time, jerry. Im afraid we cant go any further into your order. It was good. Stephen and it was good to see you. It was good to see you. Stephen thanks for being here. I is this anything . Is available now. Jerry seinfeld, everybody well be right back with a performance by ella mai. Stick around how do i register to vote . Rman vo hmm . Hmm . Hmm . woman on porch vo can we vote by mail here . grandma vo youll be safe, right . daughter vo yes four girls vo the polls voted grandma vo go out and vote its so important man at poll vo woo grandma vo its the most important thing you can do tonight, try pure zzzs all night. Unlike other sleep aids, our extended release melatonin helps you sleep longer. And longer. Zzzquil pure zzzs all night. Fall asleep. Stay asleep. But she wanted someone who loves with the cats. Ng. So, we got griswalda. Dinners almost ready. But one thing we could both agree on was getting geico to help with our renters insurance. Yeah, switching and saving was really easy drink it all up. Good could have used a little salt. Visit geico. Com and see how easy saving on renters insurance can be. All californians will be able to vote safely from home. Every active, registered voter will receive a votebymail ballot with a unique barcode. You can track it using wheres my ballot . And youll receive automatic notifications by text, email or voice call to let you know the status of your ballot once you mail it, drop it off at your polling place or at a drop box. Vote by mail ballots. Simple, safe, secure. Counted. Learn more at vote. Ca. Gov we begin tonight with that breaking news. President trump is leaving Walter Reed Medical Center and heading back to the white house. We are going to be such good roommates. Were going to watch movies, spread respiratory droplets to the staff. I cant believe im in the white house. I criminally negligent. I might have friends over. Whats with all the dirty looks . Pringles wavy. With a big crunch and totally different flavors, theyre not really pringles. Just like thats not really daddy. Yes, it is. Ok. Pringles wavy. Big crunch. Big flavor. Imagine the places well go. Together. Expedia your happy place. Find your breaking point. Then break it. Every emergenc gives you a potent blend of nutrients so you can emerge your best with emergenc. Charmin ultra soft is so soft much are you hon . Youll have to remind your family they can use less. Charmin ultra soft is twice as absorbent so you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. Leggo a big mac medium fries. And an oreo mcflurry. There you go. The j balvin meal. Get it on the mcdonalds app and the mcflurry is on me. Im lovin it stephen welcome back. Performing her new single not another love song, ladies and gentlemen, ella mai. I dont wanna mess this up could it be too much to say im in . Deep end swimming in my feelings i been here before, but it feels like im drowning sinking in my overthinking tell me am i foolish to think youd meet me here . I wanna do this again im going down cause i know that its you i see in my dreams im going down let me drown over you living in my dream in my dreams i love the way you do it dont stop dont wanna lose it i love the way you do it to me i love the way you do it dont stop dont wanna lose it i love the way you do it to me but i dont wanna mess this up could it be too much to say im in . I just wanna know wassup do you feel it . cause i think im in love, love yeah im finna take my time my mind, my rules this aint no crime making love to you though you aint said its mine i have a hard time waiting for you, babe like ooh, boy you, boy got me where you want just gotta say and its on its like ooh, boy do you know you got me like where do you go when youre alone . I wanna do this again im going down cause i know that its you i see in my dreams im going down let me drown over you living in my dream in my dreams i love the way you do it dont stop dont wanna lose it i love the way you do it to me i love it i love the way you do it dont stop dont wanna lose it i love the way you do it to me but i dont wanna mess this up could it be too much to say im in . I just wanna know wassup do you feel it . cause i think im in love, love love, love i guess its all in my head until you let my body know cause everyone aint you, babe dont want nobody but you, babe so tell me whatcha gon do, babe not another love song say yes. To the best bargains ever at ross yes oh, yeah yep. Yesss savings on savings on savings . Thats yes for less. At ross. The unfair money bail system. He, accused of rape. While he, accused of stealing 5. The stanford rapist could afford bail; got out the same day. The Senior Citizen could not; forced to wait in jail nearly a year. Voting yes on prop 25 ends this failed system, replacing it with one based on public safety. Because the size of your wallet shouldnt determine whether or not youre in jail. Vote yes on prop 25 to end money bail. Taking california for a ride. Companies like uber, lyft, doordash. Breaking state employment laws for years. Now these multibilliondollar companies wrote deceptive prop 22 to buy themselves a new law. To deny drivers the rights they deserve. No sick leave. No workers comp. No Unemployment Benefits. Vote no on the deceptive uber, lyft, doordash prop 22. One ride california doesnt want to take. Doordash prop 22. Oh, yeah theres always somethiat ross. N store yep. Oh yeah say yes to those looks, the best brands. And check you out bargains savings from top to bottom thats yes for less. At ross. Stephen thats it for a late show. Tune in tomorrow when we will be live following the Vice President ial debate and ill be talking to mayor pete buttigieg, plus a performance by future islands. James corden is next, but first, lets say good night with some music from jon batiste and stay human. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org i just left Walter Reed Medical Center and its really something very special. The doctors, the nurses, the first responders. And i learned so much about coronavirus, and i know theres a risk, theres a danger, but tha
comparemela.com © 2020. All Rights Reserved.