Maybe it would. Maybe it wont. What the hell do you got to lose . Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight home sweet show plus, stephen welcomes conan obrien. And musical guest michael stipe. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen oh, hey i was just pretending i could be at home without a camera. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Happy to be here. Happy. Tuesday, i think . It is tuesday. Good. Thank you, thank you, sir. I dont always know. Im so grateful that im still able to do a show for you guys and for all of you out there who are watching, one assumes. Its possible my producers are lying to me that were broadcasting at all. Sure, stephen, weve put a van on n. It talks to space. Now take a shower and shout into your phone. Whatever. Im grateful for something to do. Now, there is one aspect of the show that i have really been missing and that is my conversations with our friend jon batiste. Last couple of weeks, jons music has been featured throughout the show, but we have not connected on the air yet. So lets give that a shot. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for john batiste and stay homin jon hey, everybody out there stephen whats going on, my friend . Jon im quarantined as we all are. This is the show were doing right now, right . Stephen were doing the show right now. Jon okay, so, hey, everybody, in the audience, or at home. I hope youre safe. Stephen yes, i hope they are, too. Youre right to ask whether this is a show. Because it does not it almost entirely but not completely does not feel like a show. Jon it absolutely doesnt feel like a show. Theres no audience. I dont feel the inperson energy. I rea e doingwe enmilydown in new orleans . I know there have been a lot of jon you knoea ateful for everybody on the front lines, you know. Theres so much that we we have we have to go through. This is just the beginning. I can feel that we havent even really hit that intensity of where this moment is going to go. And im just grateful for the people on the front lines in louisiana. My family is staying home. And my sister, she has she has been working from home, and my parents are retired so, you know, family time. Stephen thats nice. Thats nice. You can play us a Little Something while i go back to start the monologue . Jon oh, yeah, of course. Stephen what have you got . late show theme stephen jon batiste, everybody. Now, one thing i have not been missing is donald trump. And yet, he persists. Yesterday, donald trump was asked about a critical report from the health and Human Services administrators Inspector General, and he was not amused. T spto general report, but testing is reacts like a teenage girl. Ugh, here we go again, a reporter wanting to know information. Ill tell you what. You just got tested and you are positive for being a total bitch. Thats my new trump impression. Trump explained that Global Pandemic is not the federal governments job. Hospitals can do their own testing, also. States can do their own testing. States are supposed to be doing testing. Hospitals are supposed to be doing testing. Do you understand that . Were the federal government. Listen, were the federal government. Were not supposed to stand on street corners doing testing. Stephen first of all, yes, itis ter. . Who does he think does the testing . as sex worker hey, baby. You need a date . Howb . Trump then pointed to a chart that he had, that showed the country had gone from almost no testing to some testing, and scolded the reporter. You should say, congratulations, great job, instead of being so horrid in the way you ask a question. Stephen yes, a reporters job isnt to ask questions. It is to praise the president for doing a great job, just like when woodward and bernstein got nixon that congrats on the corruption cake. From there, it was just open season on every reporter who asked about the i. G. Report, like abcs jon karl. Reporter if i could follow up on this question of the h. H. S. Inspector general. It wasnt so much her opinion, but they interviewed 323 different hospitals. Well, it still could be her opinion. When was she appointed . When was she appointed . Reporter she did serve in p oh, you didnt tell me that. Oh, i see. Youre a thirdrate reporter, and what you just said is a disgrace. Thank you very much, jon. Thank you very much. You will never make it. Stephen what is wrong with him . For the record, this Inspector General started under bill clinton, served for eight years under george bush, served under obama, you know what . Who gives a bleep . Trump doesnt understand that no one cares about these hissy fits anymore. All of the drama no longer plays to the camera, sir, not even to your own supporters. Because it doesnt matter who you voted for. Everyone just wants to know the truth because thats how you stay alive. So grow up and do your damn job. We have to. You should, too. Is it still tuesday . Yup. Stephen trump also revealed that he had a phone call with joe biden. I also spoke, just a few minutes ago, with Vice President former Vice President biden, who called, and we had a really wonderful, warm conversation. It was a very nice conversation. We talked about pretty much this. This is what we talked about. Ga, and i fully understood that. And we just had a very friendly conversation. Stephen yes, it was a perfectly friendlt on joe biden. Pthere was an election today in wisconsin. Now, despite the fact that every other state has postponed its primary this month, or moved to mailin ballots, at the insistence of the Wisconsin Republican legislature, the badger state went ahead with their primary. I guess its wisconsins way of showing New Hampshire that you can live free and die. Heres how we got in this mess. Yesterday, there was a last minute order from wisconsins democratic governor and iron deficient anthony fauci, tony evers. Evers gave the order to postpone inperson voting due to the coronavirus. But just hours later, the Wisconsin Supreme Court overturned him. Its clearly sadistic to make people risk their lives to vote, but the ruling was no surprise coming from chief justice jigsaw. as jigsaw ive hidden the ballot inside your abdomen. To vote, you must cut yourself open with an i voted sticker. Stephen the ruling went up to the u. S. Supreme court, and the conservative majority blocked extended voting in wisconsin by a vote of 5 to 4. Well, of course, the Supreme Court is used to voting while social distancing. Everyone knows to stay at least six feet away from Brett Kavanaugh after hes boofed. So voters were forced to do their best today, lining up at polling places to perform their constitutional duty, and hoping not to get sick. Luckily, a lot of wisconsin residents already have all the materials they need to make their own masks. Again, its only tuesday tuesday . Tuesday. But its already been a terrible week for acting secretary of the navy and man who ordered his hairline to retreat, thomas modly. Over some controversial comments he made yesterday. It all started last week when the concerned commander of the Aircraft Carrier, the u. S. S. Theodore roosevelt, wrote a memo to the u. S. Navy saying that, of his 4,000 crew, more than 100 sailors were already infected with the coronavirus, saying, we are not at war. Sailors do not need to die. And warned his superiors that sailors aboard the Aircraft Carrier would die unless about 90 of the crew were moved into individual quarantine. And sailors are at particularly high risk. You know how the popular song goes in the navy cough on your fellow man in the navy, hey no need to wash your hands it goes on from there. The memo was leaked to the press, so modly sprang into action to rectify the situation, and fired captain crozier. Heres a video of the crew sending the captain off. cheers and applause captain crozier captain crozier. Captain crozier captain crozier stephen did you hear that chanting . Hes the most popular captain since crunch. But firing crozier wasnt good enough for modley. No sunday, modley went aboard the u. S. S. Theodore roosevelt and gave a speech to the sailors, trashing their beloved captain. What the bleep . Stephen i agree with that sailor. What the bleep . Read omthe man youre calling sd just tried to save your audiences lives. Thatd be like telling the survivors of sully sullenbergers plane okay, that was a nice landing, but can we talk about that stupid mustache now . Theres no way tom hanks will ever play that guy, am i right . Am i right . And, secretary modly, if you didnt think your tonedeaf speech was going to get out into the public, youre either too naive or too stupid to be running the navy. Oh, but wait, theres more. Because then modly shifted gears from insulting the captain to insulting the crew. Stephen first of all, dont stephen first of all, dont imply the crew is a bunch of cowards because they dont want to catch a deadly virus. They signed up to serve their country, not endanger their lives forasa ship. Eyd go on a cruise. I just dont understand why hes goiddy roosevelt. T. R. s motto was talk softly and carry a big stick, not talk loudly and be a huge dick. Well, after the audio leaked, modly released this statement i stand by every word i said. Okay, good for you. Be a man. Take your licks. Stand up for yourself. And then he took a few licks, so the next day he sat his ass down. Let me be clear. I do not think captain Brett Crozier is naive nor stupid. Yeah, i stand by every word, except that i apologize, and i take back every word i said about the captain and the crew. But i did mean it when i said the word ship. hey, you know who might need a big ship . The u. F. C. Because theyve just announced, they are getting a private island to hold weekly fights amid the coronavirus crisis. I dont see why they need to do this. Why do you want a fight island . If you want a fight island, just come to the island of manhattan and try to buy two rolls of toilet paper. Its a total bloodbath, and then theres nothing to wipe it up with. U. F. C. President dana white assured viewers that the private island where men beat each other for our amusement will be totally safe. Were going to make sure that 100 healthy athletes, healthy Athletic Commission people, healthy judges, referees, my production people; that everybody there is going to be healthy. Were going to make sure everybodys going to be safe before, during, and after the fights. Stephen wait, during the fights . Dont worry. After i shatter your eye socket, im going to wash my hands for two happy birthdays. Now let me just punch you in the throat. Mr. White explained how he plans to keep the island covidfree. We have all our own planes and everything. Everybody is going to be pretested and tested and tested and tested. Stephen so the good news is there are plenty of coronavirus tests. The bad news . So, if yoll on fight island. Wer her into the octagon. Weve got a show for you tonight. Up next, i talk to my old friend conan obrien on my show. Or, is he talking to me on his show . Theres only one way to find out. Stick around. Hey, can i. Hold on one second. Sure. Okay. 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A drink with friends can turn into two, and a prescription can be stronger than you thought. Stop there are a lot of ways to get a dui. And a lot of ways to go text a friend, call a cab, share a ride. Whatever you choose to do, go safely, california. How much time do you want to do, stephen . Stephen they listen what works for you. Stephen any amount works for me. They we put it in for 12. Yup. Stephen but i think thats probably well probably go long andn g keep every second. Stephen all of this is in. Were rolling on this right now. This stuff should be the show. Stephen i really think it should, actually. I love any time the most mundane thing happens on our set and i mean really mundane. Stephen even when the show and andy will say, like i had really good almonds. And ill say, really, i didnt think you could eat almonds . And somebody will inevitably say, this, should be the show no no, it shouldnt be the show. Stephen but it should be the show now, no one can do their job well now. I beg to differ. I think you and i are killing it. Stephen thank you, conan. That was a test and you passed. Thank you. Im ready to go whenever you are. Well, im thrilled because my next guest is one of my 11 favorite latenight hosts. Hes, of course, on cbs. Hes beloved. Ste sw, stephen. Stephen thank you, conan. Now, a lesser man would would fight with you right now and say, no, no, youre on my show. But i have been a host long enough to know that the host actually does most of the work, so you go right ahead, buddy. I see what youre doing. Beautiful. Stephen ask away. Ask away. All the weights on you now. Check. Mate. You fell into my trap. Beautiful judo move. Stephen thank you very much. Beautifully done. Stephen thank you very much. Beautifully done. Stephen how are you handling your isolation . I miss the laughter. I miss the joy that i bring others. Stephen well, what about your show . Do you miss that . laughs i dont know how youre dealing with this, this but i find that i really do i really do miss i love the family time im getting. Dont get me wrong. I love that. And we are screening classic movies at night. We watch classic movies, comedies that i loved growing up that i show my kids, and i love to bond with them in that way. But i do have to say, i i really miss and i think everybody is missing this right now talking to other people, being in the office, having that kind of being able to yell at people in person. Stephen sure. Belittle them in person. Stephen yeah. I cant do that now. I do it with sarcastic texts and its just not the same. Stephen doesnt have the inflection. How about you . How are you handling it . Stephen i miss the audience because i get all of my value from their praise. I have no selfworth at all. I only exist, really, in reflection to them chanting my name, so its been rough. Its been rough at times. Thats great that your audience chants your name. Mine stopped doing that about four years ago. When they chant my name now, its usually as an angry mob so i envy you. Stephen i have a bone to pick with you. What is that . Stephen about a year ago you stopped wearing a suit and tie and started going casual, jeans, maybe a leather jacket. Your dad is an epidemiologist, right . Did he give you the inside scoop . Yeah, my dad has been a microbiologist. Thats his profession and he told me about a year ago, trust me, theres this thing coming, and youre going to be broadcasting from home, so you should probably switch out of the suit and tie. I said, dad, shouldnt we be spreading this information for more useful purposes . And he said, i look after my own. Thats a quote. And then he hung up the phone. Stephen can i ask you whats going on in this room . Tell me about the room you chose. Why did you choose where you are right now to host . Okay, well do my room, and ch i find to be stephen go ahead. My room has nothing to hide. Yeah, yeah what is there to hide in this room. Stephen i dont know. I have my bust of teddy roosevelt, my everpresent bust of teddy roosevelt. Of course, ive got this mug, which is the original, that Robert Smigle gave me years ago which i have had on my talk show desk since 1993. Stephen i recognize it from late night. Theiseower mug. I have a guitar. I have everything i need. I have another guitar right here. Theres really not much to see in this room. I am a simple man with simple needs. Stephen are you going to be your own musical guest at any point . Youve got the instruments. Yes, i have the instruments, not the talent. So, no, that will not be happening. I dont want to inflict that on america. And i have a bone to pick with you while were picking bones. You are using stateoftheart equipment. I am broadcasting on basically a phone. I am broadcasting my show on a phone. I tune in, i check out your show, youre clearly and i know my cameras youre on a sony hdc100 4k. Stephen its a sony xd cam, hd, youre right. Yeah, you know why . Because ive been in this business a long time. And i know my cameras. Stephen i have a satellite truck parked on my lawn. Incredible. Stephen thank you. Let me tell stephen listen, buddy, i did it your way for the first week that we did it. I literally just did everything off of an ipad bounced on the side of a bathtub with a bottle of bubble bath to keep it from tipping in and killing me, okay. So dont tll me. Ive been in it. Okay, let me tell you let me tell you how i have been doing it. We record my show on a flip phone. When the show is over, i put it into a cardboard tube, and i put it in the u. S. Mail. And it goes to turner headquarters in atlanta. Thats how weve been doing it. So dont preach to me with your story of oh, your hardships. Youve got a satellite truck on your lawn. Its been years since i saw a satellite truck. Stephen uhhuh. Im bitter and enraged. Can you tell . Stephen uhhuh. I back off. Please back off. laughter that was that was like a topographical map of mars. Red, craggy. Stephen, let me ask you a question. I know that youre a man who occasionally likes his cocktail. Stephen i do, yeah. Are you some people are drinking a little too much during this period, and i think its fair to ask you, are you indulging a little bit right now, do you have a hip flask i cant see . Stephen i dont, but i do actually have a bottle of gin in my desk. Wow. Stephen is that a bad sign . Thats the bad its not that you have it. Its that youre hiding stephen. Thats the real problem, you know. And ive got something equally cool and sexy, which is i have this little bobblehead abraham lincoln. Stephen wow. Which actually, if you pop the top, its rum. Stephen what else do i have . I have some books. I read some of them. I have an album of james brown live at the apollo. Stephen okay, thats cool. I have this is a picture this is a picture of my dad. Thats a picture of my dad right there when he was in the thats cool. Stephen he was in the army. He was a captain. These are his dog tags right there. Thats very cool. Stephen he was an immunologist at the National Institutes of health, actually. He was associate director of the n. I. H. For allergies and infectious disease, he was basically anthony fauci. Leprosy was his specialty. Where did your dad go to college . Stephen the same place fauci went, holy cross. Which is where my dad went. Stephen wow im serious. My dad is a microbiologist, specializes in Infectious Diseases and went to Holy Cross College like your dad and like fauci. Stephen wait, when did your dad graduate from holy cross . 1875. Stephen there you go. There you go. Can you ballpark it . My dad graduated in 1942. My dad would be, i think, a little later. I think my dad would be in the late 40s. I want to say 1948, maybe. Stephen ok, sure, thats right. I actually have some questions. I can try some questions . Yes, yes. You can try some questions. Its very nice because youre on my show, but ill let you ask your questions. Stephen thank you. Are you exercising . I do very little exercise. Everything is my whole body is turning into a sort of white pudding, like a tapioca. Stephen lovely. Yeah, its really stephen lovely. Ike off mshirt if your if you could handle it, if you could handle the light imbalance. Stephen sure. But i dont think you could. Stephen well just put a polarized lens up so we can handle the solar flare. Im sure you have all that equipment. Stephen we do, ive got everything. Im very jealous of your fancy cbs equipment. Stephen were shooting this right now with the hubble telescope. Actually, were capturing your image in infrared. If you could forward that to my dermatologist so i could just get myself checked id be very happy. Stephen well be right back with more conan obrien. How was tha did you like that . Those were awful. Stephen maybe we wont be back with more conan obrien. laughter conright to your car, designed for your day. Your moves. Your style. Your taste. So quick and easy. Just download the target app today. I felt gross. People were afraid i was contagious. I was covered from head to toe. I was afraid to show my skin. After i started cosentyx i wasnt covered anymore. Four years clear. Five years now. I just look and feel better. See me. Real people with psoriasis look and feel better with cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, or if youve had a vaccine, or plan to. 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Which is another name for sugar. Clif bar is brown rice syrup, when you switch, in this kind bar, its hearthealthy almonds. With the taste of dark chocolate and 75 less sugar than the leading clif bar. Be kind to yourself. Contactless delivery tarright to your door,very designed for your day. So you can work out, join in, and game on. Just download the target app and try it today. If i could, baby id how can i, when you wont take it from me you can go your own way go your own way your wireless. Your rules. Only with xfinity mobile. Stephen hey, everybody, were back with more conan obrien. Still there. Act like you care stephen i care. Im throwing it away. Im throwing it away, man. Im just throwing it away hey, were back here with conan. Show me what its like to care about a guest. I want to know. Show me. Ill show you. sighs i dont want to i dont want to leave, stephen, but the network has business to conduct, so i have to go. So were going to take a break. But when we come back and we will come back im going to spend more precious time with Stephen Colbert. He means a lot to me. And i know he does to you. Now, let me ask you a question, if were going to do this whole asking a question thing. Stephen my life is an open book, conan. Im glad you said that. Because many relationships are in trouble right now youre man spreading by the way. I can see all of you. Stephen not on this camera. Only on your camera. What people at home dont know, is that, your camera, youre getting the floor show, but nobody up there can see it. I am seeing everything, and my hats off to you. Im very impressed. Stephen thank you. A lot of relationships are strained right now. Husbands and wives not getting along together. Stephen yup. How about you . How are you guys . Stephen weve never been happier. Never been happier. Everythings great. Everything honey, would you come in here . Shes too happy to come in. She doesnt she doesnt want to come in. You havent laid eyes on her in three days, have you . Stephen i cant remember what she looks like, conan. How about liza. How are you guys getting along . Well, liza and i are doing pretty well. Were doing pretty well. There was a period there where it got bad, where i took lipstick and drew a face on a broom, and i was talking to that for a while. And we actually our marriage flourished for a while under those conditions. The broom and i, were getting along so well. Stephen she swept you off your feet. Okay okay, really, okay. Stephen anything, anything to fill time. Huge. Stephen but it really is lovely. My children are adults. Theyre being very patient with me. My youngest is 18. And my oldest one, like, peter is what are you, 45 . Oldest boy. Hes 21. My daughter is 24 . 24, right . Shes going to be so mad that i had to guess. Shes 24. And were kind of having to get out of their way. They deserve to not have us on you know, hovering over them all the time. Theyre actually theyre really quite selfactualized, much more than i was at that age. And i just want to get out of their way but we cant. I know. My son is flourishing in this environment, because he loves hes 14. He loves tech. So hes working on his computer. Hes coding. Hes talking to his friends. Hes hes actually loving it. I mean, he hates that theres a pandemic, but hes doing really well. Both my kids are doing really well. Theyre very busy. Theyre not as needy as i am. Stephen ive got a question before we go here, conan and i know listen, ive got to go because im doing the dick cavett show right after this. Fantastic. Stephen have you ever been mad at bob dylan . Uh. Mad at him . Stephen because im furious at bob dylan right now. Why . Stephen you know he did that 17minute j. F. K. Song in response to the coronavirus. I thought it would be a perfectly lovely thing to do a song parody of subterranean home sick blues. And one of my head writers wrote a really funny parody of it, and they have said, dylan said in no uncertain terms, you may not do that. Neutron bomb of a lawsuit. And i dont think thats nice. How old is that song . How much more juice is he going to get out of that old stone . Let the rest of us have a crack at it. I have one bob dylan story. A bunch of years ago i went to a bob dylan concert, and i was sitting, i was backstage, and it was before the show, and my good friend and guitarist, jimmy vivino said, do you want to meet bob . And i said, im not ready to meet bob. And he said, lets go. And he dragged me into this room and i got shoved into a room and suddenly people parted and i was face to face with bob dylan. And it was when he had that little mustache, like a villain in a 1920s movie. He had that little mustache, and he looked at me. And i said, oh, hello, mr. Dylan and he went, i know you from the tv and just then, i was whisked out of the room. And that was my only contact with bob dylan. I know you from the tv he said it just like that. Stephen that sounds like the beginning of a pretty good song, actually. It should be one of his songs. What are you doing now . Stephen so, this is this is i just want to give you a taste of what america will never hear. Yeah. Stephen okay . Okay. Stephen come on i understand that song parody is the lowest form of human entertainment, but thats damn fine yeah. I think stephen come on, bob so, youre using stephen this could heal a nation. No, no. Youd have a lot of young people who didnt know what you were talking about. Its got t be a cardi b. Song. Stephen im on cbs, conan. Its got to be dua lipa. You have to bring it up. You cant be saying, hey, kids. Its time i took down bob dylan. Thats your mistake. Stephen im not taking him down im celebrating bob dylan. Yeah. Why are you yelling at me . Stephen i dont know, man. Youre a long way im angry at bob dylan. Im sorry. Youve got a guitar over your shoulder, and i dont know, im not being fair to you, and i apologize to you, conan . Conan. Are you crying now . You look like youre crying. I love in our interview we got the word out how the great Holy Cross College is. Stephen if nothing else half my family went to holy cross and they call it the cross. Stephen i understand. When i didnt go to the the cross i had an uncle who said, what are you doing . The cross isnt good enough for you . Furious at me. Stephen you went to the vard, right . Yes, people in the know call harvard the vard. Thats what people call it, people in the know. Stephen conan, again, im a guest on your show right now and youre a guest on mine. Stephen how are we going to figure out what part of this actually makes it to air . You know what would be fun . You get both sides and i get both sides and we edit it our way and you edit it your way and we compare it later. Were going to have two completely different interviews. You know what . Youre not even going to be in my version. Were going to replace you im going to replace with you stock footage. Stephen excellent. Of a monkey washing a goose . Yeah a monkey washing a goose. And you know what, its going to go viral the next day. Monkey washes goose on conan. Stephen well be right back witmore conan obrien. Is that it . Is that the idea . [gas splashing in tank] [spoon clinking in mug] the Bulleit Frontier Fund is making a commitment to help bartenders keep doing what they do best. Lets keep our bartenders pouring. Who know an open mindis who dont need to travel to find something new. Who know where to escape, even just for a moment. Who dont need a fortune to find a gem. And who know when you spend less, you can discover even more. And never, ever stop discovering. Spend less, discover more. At t. J. Maxx, marshalls, and homegoods. We gave new dove men care to mike who transforms homes for those in need. I feel comfortable and protected all day long. 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Stay 6 feet apart. Wash your hands. Wear a mask every time you leave your home. Choose to join the fight against covid19. Do your part. Slow the spread. Stephen hey, everybody. You lucky people, because conan obrien is still here. There is an Endless Supply of conan obrien. He is our one renewable resource in this country. I say we go off of oil and natural gas, and we just start burning conan. laughs listen, were both doing the best we can in what i think is a trying time. Stephen but its nothing compared to what people are going through. We have jobs. No, no. Stephen this is nothing compared to what people are going through. No, this, what were going through as celebrities is worse than what anybody else is going through stephen i apologize. I apologize. I forgot my status. What happened to you, man . Stephen i forgot my status, conan. You lost your perspective for a second. Stephen okay. All right. I did know that your father went to holy cross. Stephen holy cross, yeah. I did know that. Stephen he was valedictorian of his year at holy cross. No biggie. Wow. My father did not live on campus because it was just after the war, and so he lived at home in milbury, massachusetts, and had to i think that was a sore spot for him, that he had to stephen ill make this quick, but did i ever tell you about bones hamilton, about the guy that i met who went to college with my dad . No. Stephen take a half second. Early daily show way, way, back, maybe even Craig Kilburn daily show, really old. We call that daily show classic. Stephen sun city, arizona. Theyve got cops patrolling sun city who are all over 80 years old, patrolling on golf carts and im going on patrol with them and we shoot the whole thing like cops. And they actually do stuff, there is a car accident on the coroner and these 80yearold, 85yearold guys are measuring distances between car wheels and stuff. And im leaning against the wall of the gated community and theres a gu on the other side leaning over it and hes about 40 feet away from me. And there was something about the cut of his jib that i liked, and i went over to say hi and introduc at one point he mentioned he went to holy cross. I said, what, year did you grart and he goes, oh, he was my floor mate. I went to the senior dance, double dated with him and his girlfriend. I said, thats my mom. And he knew what had happened to my dad when i was younger. He said, do you have your fathers year book . I said, i dont. He said, come on in. And he pulls out the holy cross year book from 1942, takes out an exactoknife, and cuts out my fathers page, a full page of what people had to say about him and stuff like that and handed it to me, and its on my office wall right now. And that was a random encounter. Stephen he said, you tell your mom you met bones hamilton. t that great . Hes wanted in three states for all kinds of stephen exactly, yeah. For collecting bones. laughter they does from. Thats a great story. What a beautiful story. Thats fantastic. Stephen thanks very much, man. Thank you thank you for being here, man. And thank you stephen and for having me there. Goodbye. Stephen god bless you. I know im your hero. Take care. Stephen a little bit, a little bit. All right. My best to your family. Take care. Stephen conan obrien, everybody congratulations, youre now stone phillips. Stephen thank you. God bless you. Stephen when we return, ill tell you a chilling story about sitting naked on a hotel bedspread. Youre not using too much are you hon . Charmin ultra soft is so soft youll have to remind your family they can use less. Charmin ultra soft is twice as absorbent so you can use less. Dont worry, theres plenty left for you, dad. We all go, why not enjoy the go with charmin. Drop the taco, get in the car. Does this sentra feel like a compromise to you . 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Your bank can be virtually any place you are. You can deposit checks from here. And you can see your transactions and check your balance from here. And pay bills from here. Because your bank isnt just one place. Its virtually any place you are. Just download and use the chase mobile app. Visit chase. Com mobile. Stephen hey, welcome back, everybody. My musical guest tonight wrote this new song with Aaron Dessner of the national for his project big red machine. Performing no time for love like now, ladies and gentlemen, michael stipe. No time for breezy no time for arguments no time for love like now theres no time in the bardo no time in the inbetween no time for love like now theres no time for dancing theres no time for undecideds no time for love like now where did this all begin to change . The lockdown memories cant sustain this glistening, hanging free fall i turned away from the glorious light i turned my head and cried whatever waiting means in this new place i am waiting for you theres no time for honey no time for psalms and thresholds whisper a sweet prayer sigh where did this all begin to change the lockdown memories cant sustain this glistening, hanging free fall i turned away from the glorious light i turned my head and cried whatever waiting means in this new place i am waiting for you your voice is echoing love lovelove, lovelove i hear it far, far away and i am waiting for you i am waiting for you whatever waiting means in this new place i am waiting for you i am waiting for you thank you. Stephen thank you, michael. That was beautiful. Well be right back. Stephen good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh a ccs. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by cbs the late late show, oh, oh the late late show oh, oh its the late late show the late late show oh