Ever know. With your hands up huh i guess now we know. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonights dream on, plus stephen welcomes Sherrilyn Ifill and mike birbiglia, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen im not a rocket. Im not going to blast off. Welcome to a late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. You know, its been a rough few years these last two weeks, but today we actually got some good news. Because this morning, the Supreme Court ruled against trumps attempt to end d. A. C. A. , a win for undocumented dreamers brought to the u. S. As children. Well, of course, trump doesnt care about immigrants brought to the u. S. As children. He barcas abt immigrants he brought to the u. S. As wives. Now, this ruling is a huge relief to the 800,000 immigrants enrolled in d. A. C. A. 800,000 thats more than the entire population of vermont. Which is why ben and jerrys has introduced their new flavor cookies and dreamers immint grant d. A. C. A. Late chip, brought here by no choice of their cone. That wasnt easy to say. I like it, though. Stephen it was a 54 decision. Liberal pinko chief of the patchouli circle Justice John Roberts wrote the majority opinion, and he returned the president s homework with a note that said, uh, show your work. We do not decide whether d. A. C. A. Or its rescission are sound policies, the wisdom of those decisions is none of our concern. we address only whether the agency complied with the procedural requirement that it provide a reasoned explanation for its action. as trump what, now ive got to have a reason for the things i do . Other than hungry or horny or , trump was not pleased with this decision or the one on monday that said employers cannot fire people just because theyre l. G. B. T. Q. He tweeted, these horrible and politically charged decisions coming out of the Supreme Court are shotgun blasts into the face of people that are proud to call themselves republicans or conservatives. We need more justices or we will lose our Second Amendment and everything else. Vote trump 2020 so, essentiayo argt is in the face and arent guns great . We should keep a lot of them. He went on to tweet, do you get the impression that the Supreme Court doesnt like me . Yes, i do. They wear black robes. And somef your fans eeitones. Ku klux kaslam where does he find the courage . Stephen one person who really doesnt like trump is former National Security adviser and evil lorax, john bolton. Bolton has written a scathing tellall about his time in the Trump Administration called the room where it happened, which trump is desperate to suppress. So, naturally, the book is currently number one on amazon. By the way, number two is the tellall by trumps niece, and number three is how to be an antiracist. So, theyre really all about trump. Of course, boltons book is only available as a preorder, due to trumps swift legal action, it is impossible to get your hands on one of these. Yesterday, excerpts of the book were leaked. Bolton writes that trump coddled dictators, thought finland was part of russia, and gave the thumbsup to chinese concentration camps. Trump immediately went on the fox news and went after bolton. He was a washed up guy, i gave him a chance, he couldnt gt Senate Confirmed so i gave him a nonSenate Confirmed position so i could just put him there and see how he worked. Stephen as trump cause when it comes to National Security, i just give any the job to any old loser who comes along. You know, throw em a bone. How important could it be . The book claims that during trumps 2018 meeting with kim jong un, pompeo slipped bolton a note disparaging the president , saying, he is so full of bleep . I trust pompeos intel on that. His lips have spent a great deal of time in the vicinity of trumps ass. Of course, trump wasnt buying it, telling the wall street journal, i would doubt that. Does he have the note . Let me see the note. Well, mr. President , because you asked its so crazy that i have one of these. John roberts sent it to me. Now, another explosive detail is that trump asked chinese president xi jinping to interfere in our upcoming election. Trump was asked if that was true, and heres what he said well, first of all, nobody, nobody has been tougher on russia or china than i have. Nobody even close. Chinas paying us billions of dollars a year. They never gave us 10 cents. So nobody has been tough on china and nobody has been tough with russia like i have. And thats, thats in the record books. Stephen so. True . Answer the damn question. Did you murder your roommate with an ax . First of all, no one enjoys woodworking more than i do. I built a table and a hutch and thats in the record books. By the way, dont dont look inside the hutch. Of course, while trump had his mouth open anyway, a lot of other stupid stuff dribbled out. The journal asked trump about originally scheduling his tulsa rally for juneteenth, the holiday commemorating the day that the last enslaved people learned about the end of slavery in the united states, and far from being ashamed or chagrined, trump was proud of it. I made juneteenth very famous. Its actually an important event, an important time. But nobody had ever heard of it. as trump in fact, i announced the rally that upset everyone on the tenth, so im starting a new holiday just for white people called juneteenth, celebrating the day they all learned about juneteenth. Youre welcome. Then, to drive home the awkwardness, trump tried to prove that he had popularized juneteenth by asking an aide if she had ever hear of it. She pointed out that the white house had issued a Statement Last year commemorating the day. He replied, oh, really . We put out a statement . The Trump White House put out a statement . Okay, okay. Good. as trump really . We put out a statement celebrating the end of slavery . cause that does not sound like me. You know how my ties are made, right . When it came to coronavirus, trump didnt think it was a big deal, and added that some americans wore facial coverings not as a preventative measure, but as a way to signal disapproval of him. as trump and its not just the masks either. What about all those protesters wearing ventilators to show that theyre antitrump . And dont get me started on those socialists in their governmentissued, antifa body bags. Despite how much pressure trumps putting on him, bolton evidently is not backing down. He sat down for an interview with Martha Raddatz that will air on sunday, and he didnt pull any punches. How would you describe trumps relationship with Vladimir Putin . I think putin thinks he can play him like a fiddle. Stephen i dont think thats fair. Trump is more like a cello big, wide and hard to get down a ramp. While the nationwide peaceful protests for Racial Justice have drifted out of the nightly news coverage, theyre still going strong in major cities all across the country because there are still plenty of reasons to protest. Like the tragic case of 27year old rayshard brooks, who twie by an Atlanta Policeman last week. Its a sadly familiar story, but this one might have a different ending, because the officer in question, garrett rolfe, now faces 11 criminal charges, including felony murder. Theyre getting rid of the bad apple, which youd think all the good apples would be excited about to maintain, you know, barrel freshness. But hours later, some of the Atlanta Police called in sick to protest the murder charge. This is a disappointing response to an officer being subject to the same laws that theyre supposed to enforce. But the police union clarified it wasnt an official strike, saying, this is not an organized thing, its not a blue flu. What it actually is, is officers eshey dont to deal with it any longer. Yes, these officers are simply fedup with scrutiny over the shooting of unarmed black men. You can learn more about it in the upcoming film, three weeks held accountable. Yesterday, there was a step forward for Racial Justice on the breakfast table, because finally, quaker announced that they are retiring the aunt jemima brand and logo. Yes, weve achieved sweeping flapjack reform, and its about time. D racist ra cannot be tolerated for more than 130 years. 1890. It was originally marketed as a cure for cholera. And it was mostly cocaine. Now, all of the racist icons of your pantry are falling one by one, because uncle bens rice announced they will also scrap their brand image. Hopefully, this means theyll also change their slogan from perfect every time to perfect every time, except not in 2020, and, in retrospect, pretty much never. It wont be the first time the brand has addressed their problematic logo. Because in 2007, uncle ben was promoted from a servant to chairman of the board. Truly, a proud day for imaginary black people everywhere. But the long overdue breakfast reckoning is not over yet. The packaging on boxes of cream of wheat may soon change. Great. While theyre at it, just get rid of the whole product. The only people buying cream of wheat are those whose favorite flavor is wet. Another logo under investigation is mrs. Butterworth, whose company is now doing a complete brand and packaging review, though the race of mrs. Butterworth has not been confirmed. The manufacturer says that mrs. Butterworth is supposed to be anyones grandma. As long as your grandma says, hello, children. I want you to grab my body, squeeze it hard, and watch sweet, viscous fluid gush out of my skull. Hey, how about a threeway with the honey bear . Mr. Butterworths on a work trip. Lets get sticky shes a sexual being. Theres no reason why she cant have her own desires. Coronavirus cases are spiking all throughout the sunbelt, and we just learned about a terrifying new threat of transmission, because flushing the toilet may fling coronavirus aerosols all over. Oh, my god our toilets have turned on us. Though i cant say im surprised, after all weve done to them. It was only a matter of time before they rose up to exact their revenge. The research was published tuesday in the journal physics of fluids. of course thats only half the article. Part two is being published in the physics of solids. The scientists here warn theres one more behavior to be hyper aware of in order to prevent coronavirus transmission what you do after you use the toilet. Wait, youre saying i shouldnt high five the dog whos been watching me the whole time . Hes my best friend im not gonna leave him hanging oh, im being told its not the highfiving. Apparently, turbulence from a toilet bowl can create a large plume that is potentially infectious to a bathrooms next visitor. Plume . Wow. That means every time youve flushed a Public Toilet theres been a plume. You know youre in a bad place when youre nostalgic for the days when all you were inhaling in the bathroom was the previous guys farticles. I know. Experts say there is a safety precaution you can take. Close the lid first, then trigger the flushing process. Then you can use the lid to make the toilet talk about your Great Public Health awareness. Great job, steve youre really doing your duty. But, uh, why is the dog always in here . Thanks party mouth. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Ill be talking to the president of the n. A. A. C. P. Legal defense fund, Sherrilyn Ifill. But first, when we come back, ill look at some new fathers day cards with a very special guest. Who has time for wrinkles . Neutrogena® rapid wrinkle repair®. Weve got the retinol that gives you results in one week. Not just any retinol. Accelerated retinol sa. For not only smoother skin in one day, but youngerlooking skin in just one week. And thats clinically proven. Results that fast or your money back. Unless youre attached to your wrinkles. One week is all it takes. Neutrogena®. So can your skin one week is all it takes. Lather, rinse, refresh with dove men care body wash that washes away germs and moisturizes skin to refresh you and your skin with every shower contactless delivery trright to your car,et. Designed for your day. Your moves. Your style. Your taste. So quick and easy. Just download the target app today. I felt gross. 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Charmin ultra soft is twice as absorbent so you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. Reinventing. Its what with comcast business, your Small Business can work faster, with powerful internet from the nations largest gigspeed network. Work safer, with all your connected devices automatically protected by securityedge. And work anywhere, with comcast business at home, our new businessgrade Internet Solution for remote workers. Whatever your business needs, comcast business has the solutions to help you not just bounce back, but bounce forward. Call or go online to find out more. Stephen hey, everybody. Welcome back to the show. Before we go just one minute further, lets step in and say hello to our friend john podesta jon batiste. Hello, jon. Jon hello, hello. Yes, indeed. Stephen i was going to ask how you are, but i know how you are, which is the busiest man in lockdown because youre always doing something. This sunday, youre going to be on cbs, right . Jon yes, thats right, thats right, with my good friend harry connick, jr. And many others. Stephen its a united we sing, a grammy tribute to the unsung heroes. What can we expect . Jon oh, my goodness, theres a lot of good music. And also people in the community are going to meet other celebrities, performers, and tell them about their experience during covid19. So, its going to be incredible to see, the real story from the people on the front lines. Stephen celebrating the essential workers right now. Jon thats right. Stephen and weve got oprah, brad pitt, sandra bullock, dave matthews, and, now, i know you contributed a special performance, jim, if you could roll the tape of this while im talking to jon. What are you performing here and who is this singing with you . Jon its the gospel soul children, and this choir is an institution in new orleans, it goes way back to Mahalia Jackson and they have been every generation keeping the standard just as high, so i was playing Amazing Grace with them on that clip. Stephen ive heard it. Its extraordinary. Youve got to watch on sunday night, and definitely check out the whole thing, definitely check out jon and the choir. Its incredibly moving and beautiful, and i cant wait to see it. Jon batiste, everybody. Jon humming stephen this sunday is fathers day, and its always nice to send the dad in your life a card. And since its harder to gather in person right now, those cards will matter more than ever this year. The thing is, the people who write greeting cards dont always get it right on the first try. So were taking a look at some of their early attempts in our holiday segment, first drafts no no, stupid stephen as always with first drafts, i need someone from the audience to come up and help me out. Is there anyone . Pick me, pick me stephen anyone else . You, young lady. Dont tell anyone youre the only one here. You sit here, ill sit here. All right. Stephen okay. Hello. Stephen hello. And what is your name . My name is evelyn colbert. Stephen evelyn colbert, okay. What a coincidence. Okay. So heres how it works, evie is going to show me a Great Fathers day card and then the not so great first draft. This is your fathers day present to me but i would also like a present. Okay. Can i have the first draft . Stephen yes you can, there you go. That is the final, the first draft was the second one. Oh, this is the final draft. Heres a lovely one, happy fathers day to the man who taught me everything i know. And then we open it. laughter i love you, dad. Stephen thats really sweet. Really sweet. But the first draft said, happy fathers day to the man who taught me everything i know. Would you pass this along to mr. Cunningham if you have his address . He was an awesome teacher. Thanks, dad stephen yeah, thats honest. What are you doing for your dad for fathers day . I dont know. We maybe will go have dinner. Stephen we cant. We cant have dinner because of the coronavirus. Why dont we have a plank off . Because you know dads really good stephen her father can do a fiveminute plank and hes 91. Pretty good, pretty good. Stephen the feeling of inadequacy is palpable. laughter stephen i want your father and tom brady to have a plank off or Something Like that. So, happy fathers day. Dad. You taught me to never stop being curious. Thank you for making me a lifelong learner. Well, thats really sweet. Stephen thats really sweet. Its a good one. But the first draft said, happy fathers day. So i finally got that d. N. A. Test and confirmed the bass player from Lynyrd Skynyrd is my real father. This is your last card. Stephen thats based on a true story. Nice job. Stephen based on a true story. Oh. Stephen yeah. Okay, you got another one . Stephen sure. I dont know, do i . Could i have the next card, please . Am i supposed to keep talking to you . laughs stephen well, its polite. You are hosting right now, im the guest. Are you having fun . Stephen yes. Enormous fun. hter so are you f ste f, grew up here. laughs stephen there you go. Yes, im from out of town. Okay, good. laughter happy fathers day. Stephen because you wouldnt think i live here all the time. I dont want to play a game that i dont know you and that youre someone i dont know. Thats not fair to your viewers. Thats not honest. Stephen keep going. Heres one. Happy fathers day. Youre the real m. V. P. very sweet. Stephen thats nice. But the first draft said, happy fathers day, dad. Sorry mom benched you for craig. Greg, actually. Stephen it doesnt matter, its a sad story either way. Really quite sad. Its pretty sad. Im sensing you wanted me to ask you another question. Stephen you could if you wanted to. What would you like for fathers day . Stephen for fathers day sighs i would like to fish, if possible, if thats in the cards, the weather. And then i would like to start drinking any hour i want with no judgment. Does that include breakfast . Stephen yeah, if i want an espresso martini to start off, you go, okay, its your breakfast. Okay, done. Stephen im not going to do it i just dont want any judgement over that. Done, done. I promise. Stephen great, great what did you do . What was that . laughs i promise laughter girl scouts honor . Stephen sure, sure. We should move on. Yeah, okay. Can i have the next card, please . Stephen sure. Okay, grandpa, youre like a vintage car. Reliable hard working, and a classic. Stephen oh, thats so nice. I could give that to day. Stephen sure. Okay, but the first draft said, gramps. You drove your 57 chevy through a jamba juice. Were gonna need you to hand over the keys. Okay. laughter how about that . Stephen that one was sad, that one was sad. It was good. That was fun. That was fun. Stephen i loved that. Thank you. That was a wonderful gift to me. Im afraid theres no more time for anything else in the show. laughter i have a gift for you. I have one more gift for you . Stephen oh, you do . What is it . Well, im going to tell you. Stephen im waiting. So, okay, i hid it. Very subtly, you saw me hide it. Stephen i didnt know. So heres the thing stephen yeah. Do you remember when madeline, our first child wasboe pediatrician for the very first time . Stephen oh, youre going to make me cry . Im not going to make you cry. Stephen dont make me cry on National Television . Is then when we gave her a shot and she turns to me and said you betrayed me . No, the doctor turns to me and remember, i just had a baby a couple of days before, i hadnt slept. And he says, how did you know your husband would be a good father . And the first thing i said was true was, because he makes meaw. But i have thought about it over the last 25 years and there are lots of other reasons youre a great father, one is you listen to our children. So i wanted to give you this photo of you talking to john laughter because i think it shows what a great dad you are. Stephen okay, there you go. Happy fathers day. Stephen there you go. Thats me listening to my youngest out on a hill. Oh, thats beautiful. Isnt that sweet . Stephen thank you. I love you. Stephen i love you, too. Happy fathers day, dads. Well be right back with the president of the n. A. A. C. P. Legal defense fund, Sherrilyn Ifill. Cond. Sure. Okay. Okay safe drivers save 40 guys guys check it out. Safe drivers save 40 safe drivers save 40 safe drivers save 40 thats safe drivers save 40 . It is, thats safe drivers save 40 . Hes right there. Its him hes here. Hes right here. Hi hi. Hey thats totally him. Its him thats totally the guy. Safe drivers do save 40 . Click or call for a quote today. Red, blue, 16 percent undecided. Here we are a nation divided. Safe drivers do save 40 . But 2020 had us shook. So we gave the world another look. And saw a future of differences celebrated. Every voice heard and advocated. Where everyone can show their pride. cause love should never have to hide. Theres a world of possibility that cant exist with you versus me. Itth world w work, thats beautifutable. But man itth world w work, thats beautifutable. But man with moderate to severe treplaque psoriasists uncover clearer skin that can last. In fact, tremfya® was proven superior to humira® in providing significantly clearer skin. Tremfya® may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms or if you had a vaccine or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Tremfya®. Uncover clearer skin that can last. Janssen can help you explore cost support options. vo jack was one of six million pein need of a home. 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My first guest tonight is the president of the n. A. A. C. P. Legal defense fund. Please welcome, Sherrilyn Ifill miss ifill, thanks so much for being here. Noknow, the n. A. P. Fu do . Tew, e well, were a civil rights legal organization, we were founded in 1940 by thurgood marshall, the greatest civil rights lawyer ever, and certainly of the 20th century, and we used to be part of the n. A. A. C. P. , and we split off and became entirely separate in 1957. We litigated the famous brown vs. Board of education case that ended legal apartheid in this country and then continued as civil rights litigators. We were the lawyers for the civil rights movement. We represented rosa parks, the montgomery bus boycotters, dr. King and the selma marchers, the freedom riders and we continued on and we represented mohamed ali and policing and voting and every civil rights area that you can imagine. Were in courts all over the country and we advocate on capitol hill, and we just try to really focus on the way in which the law has to work to bring equality and equal citizenship to everyone. Stephen this moment were in now of protests against the police abuse of the black community in the united states, or the overpolicing, and the violence against the community is extraordinary. Over 2,000 cities and towns have had protests, even places where there isnt a large black community. What do you make of this moment and how can it be sustained and used to make lasting change . Well, its a powerful moment. It doesnt spring from nowhere. It is very much connected to the protests that we saw in 2014 when eric garner was choked to death by Police Officers in new york and said i cant breathe, and when mike brown was killed in ferguson, and the following year freddie gray, and walter scott in south carolina, the state youre from, and, you know, there was a pretty sustained kind of movement around policing reform during those years, and theres a through line to this. But i do think that this moment has brought out something a little bit different and certainly stronger. As you point out, there are protests happening in 50 states. The crowds that you see are multiracial and diverse and theyre not going away, and i think theres something about this George Floyd Murder and watching and spending those excruciating eight minutes together watching a man beg for his life and watching the casualness of this officer with his hands in his pockets, knowing hes been videotaped. That i, i think it just shifted something. And thats what happened in civil rights, these moments happen that capture the imagination, that pull at our hearts and that galvanize people behind the kind of core people focus opened civil rights and those are the moments you have to ride the wave of change and try to sustain it, try to sustain the outrage. Its exhausting. Its my life every day but its exhausting for many people to try to sustain that level of outrage and engagement. Its critical to sustain it until we create infrastructure for real and lasting change. Stephen whats it like to see the National Conversation catch up with the work you have been doing for decades . Its disorienting but its also wonderful. You know, i look at protests and i see people talking about things only wonky civil rights lawyers talk about, qualified immunity stephen thats my next question. Oh, okay. laughter stephen my next question is about qualified immunity. What is it and why is it so important to address it . I know the House Democrats bill addresses qualified immunity and so does the bill that Kamala Harris and cory booker introduced. Why is this an important issue . Well, qualified immunity is the Defense Police can offer when they are sued for violations of constitutional rights. And, so, its vital that we really look at this doctrine because one of the pieces thats missing, and what you hear people talking about, is the lack of accountability, and that is that officers are able to kill unarmed, innocent black people and suffer no consequences. The officer who choked to death eric garner in 2014 not only was not indicted but remained on the n. Y. P. D. , on the police force until last august, so for five years. So, this regime of impunity is part of really what were protesting about. When police say black lives matter, it really speaks to that. If our lives mattered, then the taking of that life would come with some consequence for these Police Officers, but it too often doesnt, and its because of this defense that essentially has worked and been interpreted by force to essentially immunize Police Officers from having to be accountable for these killings. The doctrine has to be adjusted. Its a judge made law, its not in the constitution. But the ways the courts have interpreted it, it has become so distorted. So, the bill that youre talking about in congress would change the standard by which we assess this defense of qualified immunity. And when im now out and see people at protests carrying signs that say, end qualified immunity, for me its when i say its disorienting, thats what i mean. This is something lawyers talk about. And by the way, theres bipartisan support to end qualified immunity. Lindsey graham said count me in on reforming qualified immunity. I testified in the house and a number of House Republicans said, yes, we have to look at this. There are conservative judges who want to deal with the qualified immunity. The cato institute, the kind of conservative Libertarian Organization wants to deal with qualified immunity. So we should be able to tackle this because the issue of accountable is so key to any vision of what reform might look like. Stephen speaking of reform, some people are calling for defunding the police, sometimes abolish the police. I hear demilitarize the police, restructure the police, sometimes abolish the police. What does defunding the police mean, in your understanding, and do you think thats the right way to describe how the police can best be reformed . Yes, its been interesting to see this phrase defund the police makes many people very anxious and nervous and then when i explain stephen when you say defund the fire department, they think fires are just going to burn. But thats not what it means. What it means is really we need now, this is our opportunity to do something long overdue which is to fundamentally reimagine what Public Safety looks like in this country, and what we have done is we have turned over to armed Law Enforcement officers the right to enter our communities to solve a set of Community Conflict that actually dont require an armed officer. Your child that suffers from Mental Illness is having some kind of crisis and you fear they are going to harm themselves. We call 911 and an armed Police Officer comes. A homeless person you havent been able to get services or move off your stoop, we call 911. Young people are playing outside after midnight, you told them to quiet down, and they cussed you out, and you know, you called 911. All of these are circumstances where we can point to cases where police show up and someone ends up dead. But what we should have and what we should be investing in are youth counselors so youre not dialing 911. Maybe youre dialing 711 when it involves a youth conflict resolution need. Maybe youre dialing 511 for a Mental Health crisis, maybe youre dialing 411 for a homeless persons crisis. And were saying those are the service those are also part of the Public Safety apparatus, and rather than turn the entire Public Safety regime over to armed Law Enforcement officers, we need to look at that funding, reduce that funding and use it to support these other services. And Police Officers will tell you they dont want to be social workers, they get called upon to solve all kinds of problems theyre not trained to solve, i think we agree. And we should therefore make sure that we can support those who are trained to do those kinds of interactins that also contribute to Public Safety that they have the funding that they need. And so i think the anxiety is kind of anxiety about the phrase, but actually not anxiety about the concept. We should be looking at budgets and we should be looking at how we have tried to solve some of our citys problems and our Public Safety issues, and we should recognize that this over reliance on police has given us the regime that we can see that is not working. Stephen well, ms. Ifill, thank you so much for being here. Anyone who wants to support the Legal Defense fund can go to naacpldf. Org. Then go to colbertlateshow. Com byop and gee ofchport several Racial Justice organizations in including the Legal Defense fund. Mike birbiglia. Everybody people used to care. Heck, theyd come all the way out here just for a blurry photo of me. Oh, thats a good one. Wait, whats that . Thats just the lowbattery warning. Oh, alright. Now its all, check out my rv, and, lets go fourwheeling. Maybe theres a little part of me that wanted to be seen. Well, progressive helps people save when they bundle their home with their outdoor vehicles. So theyve got other things to do now, bigfoot. 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He is a comedian, director, and actor you know from sleepwalk with me, dont think twice, and billions. His new book is the new one painfully true stories from a reluctant dad. Mike birbiglia hey, mike, how are you . Im good. Although, its a loaded question, how are you, these days. Its a 45minute answer. Stephen yeah. We dont have that much time. laughter but i know the feeling. Its so autonomic at this point, but, still, its not a fair question these days. It used to be a throwaway, which meant, i dont care how youre doing. And, now, its were going to need to talk about some thingswh people will answer with questions, theyll go, okay . Or, like, fine . And its a lot. How are yous a lot, is what im saying, stephen. Stephen mmhmm. So how are you . Eh. laughter stephen okay, you have been productive in quarantine. You started an Instagram Live show. I want to get the name right here, tip your waitstaff in a podcast called working it out. What have you been trying to work out . So, tip your waitstaff was to raise money for comic club waitstaff across the country that are out of work, thats www. Tipyourwaitstaff. Com. And then, that was on instagram. And i created a podcast where im trying to work out because my tour got rescheduled for i mean, you still have your show running. My tour is rescheduled for a year from now. A year. And, so, what i decided is im going to work out material on a podcast with comedians. So ive had john mulaney and ira glass and Hannah Gadsby and all these people, and ill work on material and ill get notes. Stephen from them . Yeah, from them and its like opening up the process. Stephen wow. For a second, youre saying working it out. I thought for a minute, i wonder if hes going to work out . laughter because if you dont have to be on tour for a year, youd really shock a lot of people if you came out of quarantine the ripped birbiglia. Yeah, i think a lot of people would love to see a ripped birbiglia but i dont think its going to happen. Stephen shave your head, get headphones, get into m. M. A. laughter a lot of states are reopening, maybe too soon. Yep. Stephen maybe some people have done the right things and, you know, its okay. Where do you stand on that . Are you nervous about that . Are you ready to do that . My quarantine buddies are my wife jen and our 5yearold daughter, una. Stephen whom ive met. Who youve met twice. Stephen yes, at like, zero and two. She was one and two. But my wife and i are both very cautious, but i would describe our levels of caution as, on a scale of one to ten, im a ten and she is a 10. 3 and theres a world of difference with that point three. Like, i view myself as basically a walking hazmat suit, and she looks at me like im one of those people in the ozarks, you know, playing chicken on each others shoulders and whatnot. But, yeah, were having a nice time. Its like anything, were limited in where we can go and what we can do, but we get to spend a ton of time together. So its like which is great, and shes five, which is an adorable age, you know. Stephen perfect. The book is all about sort of when she was born the pregnancy through when she was 13 months old, and that was really hard, and thats what the book is about, its a very dark, comedic book about how hard it is. But now, shes at this age where everything is adorable. Like the other day i said, moms going to put you to bed, and she said, shes not your mom, shes my mom. And i said thats what my therapist keeps telling me, because all toddlers have a boston accent. Theyre like, im tiyed. Stephen does she have plans, do you think . Do you think she has plans for your fathers day. On sunday . Theres going to be some pizza, as i understand it. Because my daughter and i have in common, that we both love pizza. And thats all i need to make a good fathers day. Stephen mike, we have to take a quick break but well be right back with more mr. Mike birbiglia, everybody. Creamy ranch, sweetnsour, spicy buffalo, tangy bbq. Each mcnugget, a chance to diversify your sauce portfolio. Ba da ba ba ba tonight, try pure zzzs all night. Unlike other sleep aids, our extended release melatonin helps you sleep longer. And longer. Zzzquil pure zzzs all night. Fall asleep. Stay asleep. Does your deodorant protect you all day . We put dove men care to the test with mike who transforms homes for those in need. I feel comfortable and protected all day long. Dove men care 48h freshness with triple action moisturizer. Z3x69z zi0z y3x69y yi0y something of a jaw dropping moment in the house today when the at the bait over Police Reform boiled over into aan Cedric Richmond of louisiana and republican congressman matt gates of florida. Are you suggesting that youre certain that none of us have nonwhite children . Because you reflected on your black son and you said none of us could understand matt, matt, stop, im not about to get side tracked about the color of our children, were talking about black kids i reclaim my it is not about the color of your kids. It is about black males, black people in the streets that are getting killed, and if one of them happens to be your kid, im concerned about him, too, and clearly im more concerned about him than you are. Youre concerned youre more concerned for my family than i am . Who the hell do you think youre are gentleman gavel pounding the douche is secured. Douchebusters chicago ok, so, magnificent mile for me i thought i was managing. My moderate to severe Crohns Disease. Yes until i realized something was missing. Me. You ok, sis . My symptoms kept me from being there for my sisters. Flight boarding for flight 2007 to chicago. So i talked to my doctor and learned. Humira is for people who still have symptoms of Crohns Disease after trying other medications. And the majority of people on humira saw significant symptom relief. And many achieved remission in as little as 4 weeks. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections. Serious and sometimes fatal infections, including tuberculosis, and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Tell your doctor. If youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections. Or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Be there for you, and them. Ask your doctor about humira. With humira, remission is possible. If you cant afford your medicine, abbvie may be able to help. 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Thats almost reading. Get 1 gig internet with at t fiber for 49. 99a month for a year. No annualcontract. And now get hbo max included. Limited availability in select areas. Call 1. 877. Only. Att stephen hey, everybody, were back with comedian mike birbiglia. Well, the book, also, the new one, the book, is also has poems with your wife under the name j. Hope stein. Whats it like doing a book with your wife . Shes an extraordinary writer, and its a fascinating thing, writing with your wife because its like going to couples therapy except theres no therapist. Stephen whos the editor, ultimately, though . laughter is it your book and then shes got with poems by here . And youre, like, i need more rhymes. What, you too fancy for a limerick . Come on, its comedy. Its a he said, she said, but its a he said, she poetry. She has some editorial input on my comedy, but i do not have any editorial input on her poetry, and i all i can do is say that here to you, stephen. Thats all i have. Stephen doc cuts into fishes abdomen. Her purple scales form a rainbow under operating lights. Doc removes a plastic bag from the fishs gut. Doc . Is yes, fish. How many hearts is it that beat inside of me . Doc removes part of a rubber tire, then a syringe. Do you feel pregnant . All my life. Isnt that beautiful . Stephen i like it. Yes, that is a high bar for you to pass, i got to say, with jokes. And theres nothing i can do. I cant got like, i dont know about all my life at the end. Id cut it. Stephen laughs i dont get it. I dont get it. Are we fish . I dont get it. Are we the fish . Is the baby the fish . Stephen well, the book is the new one. The man is mike birbiglia, everybody. Mike, thanks for being here. Stephen, its an honor. I always love coming on the show. Stephen its so nice talking to you. Nice talking to you, too. Stephen well be right back, everybody. Businesses are starting to bounce back. But what if you could do better than that . Like adapt. Discover. Deliver. In new ways. To new customers. What if you could come back stronger . Faster. Better. At comcast business, we want to help you not just bounce back. But bounce forward. And now, were committed to h yhat th a powerful andd. Reliable internet and voice solution at a great price. Call or go online today. Stephen now lets say good night with some music from jon batiste. Captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by cbs the late late show, oh, oh the late late show oh, oh its the late late show james good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the late late show, or at