comparemela.com

And then, like clockwork, even though i dont know how clocks work, the same terrifying sky fire. Is there no way to distract myself from this endless loop of sky fire and sweat pants . I got it oh, yeah, theyre definitely not allowed to be up on that bed. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, curve your enthusiasm. Plus stephen welcomes ibram x. Kendi and Patton Oswalt, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a colbert stephen are you going to be glad when we dont do this anymore or are you going to miss it . Ill miss it did. Stephen im going to miss it, too. Its been lovely. Welcome to a late show. Im Stephen Colbert. Hey, remember when the coronavirus was magically going to disappear in april . Well, its june 25, and yesterday new coronavirus cases in the u. S. Soared to their highest singleday total. No no we cant go backwards. Its been such a long journey. This is like if frodo went all the way to mount doom, was about to throw the ring in, and then this happened destroy it im getting a hair cut noooooo stephen that still gets me whispering ok, well lets stay positive, maybe the u. S. Curve isnt so baa aaaa oh god oh god how is trump not more alarmed by this . Its a ramp from hell. cras, cat meow these numbers are bad any way you look at them. That is, unless youre looking through the eyes of Vice President and statue of intolerance the protesters missed, mike pence. Yesterday, pence met with g. O. P. Senators concerned about the rising covid cases and he urged them to focus on encouraging signs. Yeah, 2. 4 million infected americans dont look at the glass as half empty. Look at your lungs as half full. Pence pointed out that while infections are rising, the mortality rate is not, and younger and healthier people now account for larger shares of those getting tested. But the young people are the ones who give it to the old people thats like saying, phew im in the clear. Turns out only my girlfriend has chlamydia. Now to celebrate, lets lose this condom there you go. While cases in other parts of the country are rising, new york, new jersey and connecticut are forcing anyone coming from states with high infection rates to self quarantine for two weeks. But donald trump doesnt care. He plans on playing golf in bedminster, new jersey this weekend, but hes not going to self quarantine because, as a white house official explained the president of the United States is not a civilian. Ok, thats debatable. Theres a good reason we call the chief executive mr. President , not burger king. And even if hes not a civilian, im pretty sure he is a mortal. He can still get it and spread it. And, dozens of secret Service Officers and agents who were on site in tulsa last week were ordered to selfquarantine. Now to protect the president , they have to stay as far away from him as possible. Get ready for the new Clint Eastwood film in the line of virus. The obvious way to slow down infections is by wearing a mask. But unfortunately, putting a piece of cloth on your face has become a culture war, thanks almost entirely to our president masks are a doubleedged sword. People touch them. And they grab them and i see it all the time. They come in, they take the mask. Now theyre holding it now in their fingers. And they drop it on the desk and then they touch their eye and they touch their nose. No, i think a mask is a its a doubleedged sword. as trump i feel the same way about parachutes. Doubleedged sword. Sure, theyll stop you from hurtling towards the earth at terminal velocity, but now your little backpack is full of parachute. Where are you going to put your sandwich . Youre going to be hungry the whole way down. I blame gravity. Which pulls you toward where . China. So now youre a liberal snowflake if you dont want to die. And all across the country, people are reacting to proposed mask requirements like this guy at a town meeting in palm beach, florida. Lemy name is butch and im an american patriot. See that flag . I would die for that flag. The constitution that youre supposed to uphold, i would die for that i would die for that country i would die for the constitution stephen well, congratulations. If you dont wear a mask you have a good shot at it. I dont wear a mask for the same reason i dont wear underwear. Things got to breathe. Stephen oh, drop the mic and before you sit, lay down a towel. Which reminds me, ladies, please, if your vagina is going to cough, do it into your elbow. And the antimask warriors have now taken it to truly insidious extremes. Some are now handing out these fake mask exemption cards, that look sort of official. It even coopts language from the americans with disabilities act, saying, i am not required to disclose my condition. Adding, but in case youre wondering, my condition is that im a huge ahole. This card is being spread by a group called the freedom to breathe agency, whose website says masks are just a psychological anchor for suppression, enslavement and cognitive obedience. Adding, how long before your human farmers trick you into believing that it is better you stop breathing altogether, to stop the spread of a virus . First of all, your human farmers dont want you to stop breathing. Thats just bad farming. Second of all, if there were human farmers, they wouldnt make us wear masks. Theyd feed us fatty foods and High Fructose Corn Syrup and encourage us to stay sedentary so were wellmarbled aaaand, oh my god were being farmed netflix is a cookbook salt fat acid heat the Republican Convention isnt until august, but trump isnt waiting to spread his message of spreading the virus. Because we just found out yesterday that trump is headlining fourth of July Fireworks at mount rushmore. So, to be safe, the guys will be social distancing. The danger at this event is more than just covid. Mount rushmore has banned fireworks for the past decade because of concerns about public health, environmental and safety risks. Health, environment, and safety. So everything will be fine unless youre a person, place, or thing. In notcarvedoutofamountain stue news,ecen protestors have been tearing down statues of people who fought the United States to preserve slavery. That statue you just saw come down was of confederate general supremacist, albert pike. Protesters in washington d. C. Ri the pike atue dn last friday, and then, for good measure, lit it on fire. Aw, i bet they made smores because you know it just made them want to pull down smore statues. Marshmallow, chocolate and graham slam stephen heres an important thing to remember about these statues theyre not actual people. Which is why trump has empathy for them. After trump saw that statue topple, he personally called the interior secretary and asked for the park service to put albert pike back up. as trump yes, i know im a republican president , and i know he was a confederate general. But do it. Also, please dig up lincolns skeleton, cause i wanna take him to the theater tonight. And shoot him in the back of the head. Its heritage. He also took to twitter very sad to see states allowing roving gangs of wise guys, anarchists and looters, many of them having no idea what they are doing, indiscriminately ripping down our statues and monuments to the past. Roving gangs of wise guys . Mmyeh, listen here me and my boys run this park, and were gonna fit ol general bobby lee here for a concrete footrest, if you catch my drift. Oh, hes already got one. Ok, cause hes a statue . Well, ok. Sleep with the pigeons, bobby mmyeh do you like my dinero . Yeah. Stephen okay. Of course, trump doesnt think preserving statues is just about heritage. Its also about education. It is important for us to understand and remember, even in turbulent and difficult times, fnd learn from them. Noreallyh a evolution of mens pants. How did they go to the bathroom . Look at all those buttons but the president isnt just putting the statues back up hes going after the people who toppled them. We have arrested numerous people, as you know, for what took place outside of washington but in addition, the fbi is investigating hundreds of people throughout the country for what theyve done to monuments, statues, and even buildings, so we have very strong laws already on the books. We have a law that is 10 years. Its ten years. Stephen yikes. Ten years for toppling one confederate leader. General grants going to do some hard time. But this act shows the trump administrations true priorities they havent made any efforts to protect black people in this country, but theyre going out of their way to protect monuments. Which brings me to tonights logical conclusion. Tonights logical conclusion is brought to you by one of my writers John Thibodeaux. John, thanks for being here. I know youre really busy with your new baby. Go to sleep sorry, new dad reflex. Thanks for having me. Stephen so, if donald trump cares more about monuments than black people, whats the logical conclusion . Its easy, stephen. Black people have to apply to become National Monuments. Then any Police Officer who might attack them would immediately get arrested. Stephen and no Police Officer wants to get arrested. Have you seen how rough the cops can get . Yeah. Stephen so how does the plan work . So, according to the Antiquities Act of 1906, to be declared a National Monument, you have to be of historic or scientific interest. And id say a lot of black americans are making history right now. And as a bonus if youre a monument, you get to have your own gift shop stephen, wouldnt you love to have a mug that says, i visited John Thibodeaux and all i got was this lousy mug. Stephen i sure would 00 . Babies are expensive. Stephen wow. Now, there are around black people in this country, so this process could take a long time, but id like to get the ball rolling. Thats why im submitting for National Monument status denzel washington. Hes a brilliant actor, director, and producer. And bonus hes never once owned a slave, unlike some other washingtons i could mention. Stephen good luck, john. Do you want me to venmo you for the mug . Cash apps in the bio. Like and follow. 41 million. Stephen jon thibodeaux, everybody. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Ill be talking to the author of how to be an antiracist, ibram x. Kendi, and americas sweetheart, Patton Oswalt but when we come back, meanwhile join us, wont you . And geico loves helping riders get to where theyre going, so to help even more, geico is giving new and current customers a fifteen percent credit on their motorcycle policies with the geico giveback. And because were committed for the long haul, the credit lasts your full policy term. The geico giveback. Helping riders focus on the road ahead. for just 100 a month. Switch to sprint and get four lines of unlimited the geico giveback. Plus, were throwing in four Samsung Galaxy phones, on us. And now, sprint customers enjoy access to expanded coverage on the tmobile network. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. We stick together, for worse or for better yeah through any kind of weather, yo youre my friend in need. come on, come on we stick together, we make the sunshine brighter, we make it all feel better, youre my, youre my, woo, yeah youre my family. yo youre my family. Tums ver bell rings la stick when heartburn hits fight back fast. With tums chewy bites. Beat heartburn fast tums chewy bites pepsi zero sugar all in the cola flavor. None of the sugar. If yoyoull get 2 vyears or 20,000 miles of scheduled carefree maintenance. 3 years or 36,000 miles of 24 7 roadside assistance. 4 years or 50,000 miles bumpertobumper limited warranty. 5 years of connected services. And for 6 years you wont have paid any interest. Down the road, youll be grateful you bought a volkswagen today. Stephen hey, everybody welcome back to a late show. Im already in mid conversation with your friend and mine mr. Jon batiste. Jon, this is a big check and i actually have a blue card. I rarely have a blue card when im talking to you. Jon i love the blue card. Stephen but weve got to hit this. Jon uhhuh. Stephen you know the play at home series. Jon yes, of course. Stephen you love the people at home. Brandnew performances with different artistists each night were on hiatus because were about to go on hiatus and youre kicking it off with a special artist tomorrow night. Yes, demarco, a lot of music he made his bathroom. This is an amazing way to record and perform virtually. He sends the files over to me and i put it together right here and send it back to him and we layered it somehow with the magic. I dont know who was doing that part, but its going to be amazing to do it like this. Stephen out, colbert late show. Com or on the late show with Stephen Colbert youtube channel. Jon yes. Stephen john, have a great break. Could you play us out . Jon oh, yeah, yeah, yeah stephen jon batiste, everybody. Thanks, velvet loveseat to pair with a fine jute rug and rosegold floor lamp to compose the pictureperfect Restoration Hardware catalogue living room that is my monologue. But once in a while, i like to scour craigslists free and for sale page, and cobble together enough beefaronistained chairs, cigaretteburnt endtables, and moldy throw pillows to furnish the newydivorced dad studio apartment of news that is my segment quarantinewhile stephen quarantinewhile, lifestyle goopru Gwyneth Paltrow is selling a new candle called this smells like my orgasm. And what does gwyneths orgasm smell like, you ask . Oh, you didnt . Well, im going to tell you anyway. Apparently, gunpowder tea, turkish rose, and tart grapefruit. Eneat. Thneis quarantinewhile, because of coronavirus, 7eleven is canceling free slurpee day, but dont worry, members of the 7 rewards Loyalty Program will get a coupon for a free medium slurpee. So if youre a member of the 7 rewards Loyalty Program. Are you ok . Im worried about you. Quarantinewhile, as america reevaluates honoring controversial historical figures, thousands of people have signed a petition to rename columbus, ohio to flavortown in honor of columbus native guy fieri. And if they dont like flavortown, might i suggest meat sweats. Quarantinewhile experts are calling for regulation after yet another botched art restoration in spain, this time of a baroque painting in which the face of the virgin mary was left unrecognizable. Oh, come on, how bad could it have bee oh, sweet mother of god i think. Really hard to tell at this point. G badly . Maybe because it was done by a furniture restorer. Do some research. This is not the time to just get whoever your buddy recommends. act out hey jimmy, i got this 17th century baroque painting of the virgin mary. I got a question that guy who stripped the varnish off your coffee table . Hes got a paint brush . That was my spanish accent. Quarantinewhile kid rocks nashville bar has temporarily lost its beer permit due to covid19 violations. Previously, the kid rock bars 1 Health Violation was goatee hair in the salsa. Kid rocks bigass honky tonk and rock roll steakhouse had its beer license yanked after someone posted this photo of the packed bar showing people being served illegally indoors and no one wearing masks. Hey boozedinguses let me put this in terms youll understand. You jam yourselves into a bar like that and, next thing you know, bawitdabaw dabang adang diggydiggydiggy said the boogy said up jump infection rates. Quarantinewhile, if youre like me, youre excited for amazons upcoming lord of the rings tv adaptation. Its middle earth, amazonstyle so the hobbits do not get bathroom breaks. Well, if you live down under and to the right a bit, listen up. Because theyve just issued a new zealand casting call for, funkylooking people. Funkylooking people . I hope that means the orc army will be now be led by parliament. Aw, we need the ring. Got to have that ring were going to turn this mordor oouuut cast me, amazon well be right back with the author of how to be an antiracist, ibram x. Kendi we need the ring got to have th when taking on acne. And an everyday cleanser . Thats breakouts worst enemy. Love, neutrogena®. This is a surprisingly filling snack in a little can. V8. The original plantpowered drink. Veg up. Latonight, silence it with newd byzzzquil night pain. V8. The original plantpowered drink. Because pain should never get in the way of a restful nights sleep. New zzzquil night pain. Silence pain, sleep soundly. But thanks to you, your comfort and care push us to do even more. Your generosity reminds us what matters most. And your courage inspires us to find Better Solutions for tomorrow. On behalf of all novartis employees, thank you. Can match the power of energizer. Because energizer ultimate lithium is the longest lasting aa battery in the world. [confetti cannon popping] energizer. Backed by science. Matched by no one. Contactless delivery tarright to your door,very designed for your day. So you can work out, join in, and game on. Just download the target app and try it today. Stephen welcome back. My first guest is an historian and the bestselling author of how to be an antiracist and stamped from the beginning. Please welcome ibram x. Kendi professor kendi, thanks for being here. Oh, its a pleasure to be on the show. Stephen youre americas leading scholar on antiracism, and in your 2019 book how to be an antiracist is currently a number one nonfiction best seller. Whats the difference between being not racist and being antiracist . Well, historically, whenever people are challenged for saying and doing something thats racist, typically, their response is im not racist, no matter what they just said, no matter what they just did, by contrast, someone who is striving to be antiracist is actually willing to admit the times in which they express racist ideas. Theyre willing to admit the times in which they sort of support racist policies because theyre in a process of changing. Theyre changing themselves, theyre seeking to change society. Theyre not necessarily in denial, like Many Americans who dale claim theyre not racist. Stephen well, i like that framing of the conversation because i, like im sure Many Americans, have examined their conscience especially over the last four weeks and said i am a white american, ive benefited from our systemic racism in our society and i cant say honestly that i dont have any racism, but the refraint that you put it allows a hope for change. Well, i mean, and humans have the capacity to change, and i think we have to allow for that. And the question is always, and i think with anything, when someone diagnoses us, when somebody explains that we have some sort of problem, the question, i think, for all of us is are we going to deny that problem . Are we going to deny that addiction even, or are we going to admit it and then begin the process of changing ourselves, healing ourselves so that we can change and heal this country . Stephen another thing i like the way youve done this is while not a racist and antiracist both might be described as an identity, antiracist implies action. Oh, it does. And, really, im not racist identity because, typically, a person believes thats who they are. For somebody whos being antiracist, its more so what theyre being based on what theyre saying and doing. Antiracist know if theyre expressing racial groups are equal, theyre being antiracist, if theyre challenging racist policies theyre being antiracist. So you have to do and be something in order to be antiracist. Stephen can you be both racist and antiracist at the same time . Ill give you an example we hold these truths to be selfevident, all men are created equal. That is baldly an antiracist statement written by a racist man. And even in that statement you had some people at the time believed we were all created equal, which was an antiracist idea, but then they also believed, lets say, black and even native people became inferior on earth, in other words, their cultures are inferior, theyre inferior because of their environment. So we were all equal to begin with, but as a result of the cultures of black or even native people, theyre inferior right now. Stephen i have a question about the history of racism. Is what we hink of as racism a modern and i mean 500 years old a modern european colonial idea that is merely a subset of inequality, or has there always been some form of Racial Discrimination . So, for a very long time, you can look into antiquity and see sexism and ethnocentrism and see obvious religious persecution, but racism is a modern phenomenon. The concept of race black africa, native american, even white europe is a phenomenon that largely comes out of colonialism and slavery. Stephen so if there have been always been, like, mans inhumanity to man, did the sort of economic desire to ex ploin ploit africa cans to exploit africans lead to the justification of racism . Exactly. The core to have racism is selfinterest. In other words, i want to slave trade or enslave African People or even native people and, therefore, im going to create policies that make all these different ethnic groups one people, worthy of enslavement, and then im going to argue these people are inferior, theyre savage, and should be driven from their land that im supposedly civil idessing. So the selfinterest led to the racist policies, and the racist policies have led to the racist ideas, and people believe these peoples were barbaric and savages which made them ignorant and hateful. Stephen well, we may not have always had racism as we perceive it, but humans have always had selfinterest. How can you how can we make it so that being antiracist is in your selfinterest . One thing for the vast majority of americans, being antiracist or creating a more Equitable Society is actually in their selfinterests, and i think that, for instance, white americans are constantly thinking about what they would lose with a radical sort of renovation of this country, of this countrys policies, as opposed to what theyd gain. So theyre too quick to compare themselves to people of color as opposed to comparing themselves to what people in other western democracies have. And then the question is why dont we have paid family leave in the United States . Why dont everyone have access to free healthcare . Why is there so much income inequality . And one of the reasons you can point to is racism and people being constantly manipulated to supporting policies and policymakers against their own selfinterests by racist ideas. Stephen and the cudgel of the welfare queen being used tof safety net that iaw growing up in the 180s. Exactly, and it was a social safety net that wasnt just helping black women or black people, it was helping all americans, all americans who, of course, at times, are going to fall and need a safety net to catch them, to lift them back up. Theres nothing wrong with thats. Stephen now, you say that racist and antiracist are not fixed identities. Youve got an amazing example of someone whos clearly steeped in racism, who has become an active antiracist. Tell the story of the david dukes god son. Oh, yeah, three years ago, i had the pleasure of meeting derek black. Derek black is the son of don black. Don black created the web site storm fron othe m progenitors of the White Nationalist movement and groomed his son derek to become one of the leaders of the White Nationalist movement, to really become like a richard spencer. But when derek black went to college, he started some of his friends took him to the side and started challenging some of his ideas and, ultimately, he began changing. I understand he read one of my books along the way and many other books on racism and now hes someone whos striving to be yants racist. So someone who was raced to lead the White Nationalist movement is now striving to be antiracist. Stephen one of the changes going on now, one to have the cultural changes like monuments being pulled down, perhaps changing names of army bails named after confederate generals, i have found out your high school, you went to Stonewall Jackson high school . Virginia, and there is a petition, over 30,000 signatures, to rename it the ibram x. Kendi high school. I know this doesents come from you, but thihappening. How did this come about and how do you feel about that . Well, i think, obviously, im happy theyre finally changing the name of my high school, since it was named after a confederate general, but i understand people are pushing for this, and one of the people who are pushing for it, i understand, is the great, greatgrandson of Stonewall Jackson who i think is a class act, warren christian, and hes showing that we are likely not bound by our ancestors, just like were not bound by the past history of this countrys racism. We can create a different kind of country that will respect and value black lives and the lives of people of color. Stephen youve released another book called antiracist baby. Why did you decide to write a book about antiracism for babies . I first and foremost have a very young daughter, and i wanted to have a tool for her. I mean, i know aths, baes are ay seeing race. I know at two years old, some children are already consuming or believing in racist ideas and discerning who to play with based on a kids skin color, and i also know that many parents believe their kids are color blind, but their kids are anything but, according to the studies. And we should be teaching our kids about racism and being antiracist even before they can fully understand what that means. Just like we teach them what it means to be kind, what it means to love, these are sophisticated concepts. Kindness and love are what we teach our kids early because we value being kind and loving, and we should value being antiracist, and the earlier we teach our kids to be antiracist, the better. Stephen as i said, your leading voice against racism in the United States. Your wife is an e. R. Doctor at a chirps hospital in d. C. Shes fighting covid on the front lines. What gives the two of you hope . Because youre both part of a present vital struggle. Well, i think, for us, i think what gives us hope is that you have to believe change is possible in order to bring it about. So when she diagnoses a young child who has a serious illness, she believes that that kid, that that child can be healed. She has to believe it. Doctors have to believe that. Just like when i diagnose america as racist, when i say that even america is stage four metastatic racism, i still believe that america can fight against the odds and still heal itself. Stephen well, thank you so much for beinge. Th forme thanks for the hdsfoemple. Of course, yes. Thank you so much. Stephen antiracist baby and stamped racism, antiracism, and you are both available now. Ibram x. Kendi, everybody. Well be right back with comedian Patton Oswalt. Thanks again, sir. At mercedesbenz, nothing less than worldclass service will do. Thats why were expanding your range of choices. Many dealers now offer optional pickup delivery and athome maintenance, as well as Online Shopping with Home Delivery and special finance arrangements. So, whether you visit your local dealer or prefer the comfort of home you can count on the very highest level of service. Get 0 apr financing up to 36 months on most models, and 90day firstpayment deferral on any model. vo verizon knows how to build unlimited right. Start with americas most awarded network, offer it at a price built for everyone, and on a phone everyone loves. Iphone 11 on us when you buy select iphones. Because everyone deserves the best. This is unlimited built right. Its interesting what happens when you treat every l everything better than ever. Os imagine what you can do with the sum of those parts. The new dell xps 10th gen intel bong i dont have to worry about that, do i . Are irritated. Harmful bacteria lurk just below the gum line. Crest gum detoxify, voted product of the year. It works below the gum line to neutralize harmful plaque bacteria and help reverse early gum damage. Gum detoxify, from crest. Hold on one second. Sure. Okay. Okay safe drivers save 40 guys guys check it out. Safe drivers save 40 safe drivers save 40 safe drivers save 40 thats safe drivers save 40 . It is, thats safe drivers save 40 . Hes right there. Its him hes here. Hes right here. Hi hi. Hey thats totally him. Its him thats totally the guy. Safe drivers do save 40 . Click or call for a quote today. Stephen welcome back. Next u cody specials. Please welcome to a late show, Patton Oswalt. Nice to see you. Great to see you, stephen. How are you doing . Stephen im doing fine. I want to talk to you about your projects, but the first thing i want to ask you about is you recently got called out by tucker carlson. What did you do to upset him . Peryou bad . Apparently, i and about a dozen other evil left wing celebrity kabal decided to giv suillainthreets pstors so h dia record ad and he was scrolling our phages along. At one point he said hollywood power couple, and its me and harry styles together on the screen, and it scrolls up to the next couple and, oh, good. Stephen he lingered on carell for a while in that one, too. I was so jealous because the picture he chose of carell was the great half beard silver fox, and he found some picture that i think nbc used where im, like, to the side and super doughy. It looked like somebody did a candle of my face, i was so bummed out, buzz there are better because there are better pictures stephen i love how he thought he was going to burn your guys. I saw on twitter this is the best list to be on. My mom gave me a note saying youre a good boy, i always knew you were, so proud of you. Stephen is that what this is . Good boy. Youre a good boy. Stephen thats nice. What more do you want from your mom . Exactly, shes so proud. Thats one to have the things i can put in the time capsule. Stephen as a standup how are you handling quarantine . You tour and theres no audience. I havent had an audience for three and a half months, Something Like that. Whats that like for you. Is this i mean, its rough. All my best writing happens in front of an audience on a stage and i dont have the ego to go people should die in order to see myomedy. I cant get people to come out and see it live in any good conscience, so im just staying home, staying in and trying to stay as safe as i can. Stephen but i heard weve got a clip here, you actually did a show on your front lawn. T peguye ac lating and securing in place this is covid 19, i tell ya, you know, i didnt see covid 1 through 18, so i dont know really know what this is all about. But, hey, you know, great time to catch up on your streaming stuff. Oh, hey how you doing there . How you doing today . Stephen how was that . That was just me. That was the sunday after they announced the stayathome order. That was sunday march 15, so that was me immediately imagining the worst. Knowing comedians or how needy i a, i saw us stumbling on our front lops and trying to entertain the neighborhood. It was weird how so many of my friends, the part where little alice walks along and goes you stuck, that was comforting for them to see a heckler yelling ae missing it, already. Stephen thats home cookin. It really was. Its home cooking. Stephen i have a bone to pick with you. You have a haircut. I do have a haircut, dont i . Stephen how do you have a haircut . Are you a renegade . No, i really lucked out. Among all the talents my wife meredith has, she, turns out, can really, really cut well really well, and has been doing these amazing haircuts outen our back porch. I look good. And the first month, i didnt cut my hair and i was turning into a wolverine. So she goes, we got to fix this, you look insane now. Stephen does your hair ever get long or just go out . It just pops. The first time she gave me a haircut, it was so big, the first cut she made, she went, whoops i said, what do you mean, whoops . She had to cut so much ofit was this huge, crazy looking chunk, and our daughter was laughing her head off. When she cut everything down to match the mistake, it looked great. Stephen fantastic. I dont think im going to get a haircut unless its from her. I think im done paying for haircuts, so thats a good thing that came out of this. Stephen sure, kaching. Patton, well have to take a break. Back with more of americas sweetheart Patton Oswalt. Atgetting clean . T get charmin ultra strong. It just cleans better, so your family can use less. Hello clean bottom enjoy the go with charmin. This iced coffe could wake you up. This frappe could be considered a date. A dollar at mcdonald whatever this order is sofdrinks areust this frappe could be c nwe stick together, for worse or for better yeah through any kind of weather, yo youre my friend in need. come on, come on we stick. Okay, ive given you guys a chance to confess. This little baby can detect trace amounts of cheetle. Whaaaaat . Gloria . Kids . When did we get a cat . Its a cheetos thing. Cool . Drop the taco. Get in the car. Does this sentra feel like a compromise to you . Wait, what. . The handling is good, right . No compromise there. Nope watch this. Umm. Bbrie. Brie brie rear automatic braking. So if this Nissan Sentra isnt gonna compromise, why should you . Youre right atta girl. The allnew Nissan Sentra. With more standard safety features than any other car in its class. Tums ver bell rings la stick with more standard safety features when heartburn hits fight back fast. With tums chewy bites. Beat heartburn fast tums chewy bites when we closed our wynn committed instantly to keeping all 15,000 team members onboard. We then focused our fivestar level of service to all who needed it. We made improvements to peoples lives. We strove to be better and we made people happy. This closure may have temporarily taken us out of wynn and encore, but it couldnt take the wynn and encore out of us. And now, we are proud to welcome you back. That could mean an increase byin energy bills. You can save by using a fan to cool off. Unplugging and turning off devices when not in use. Or closing your shades during the day. Stay well and keep it golden. Even as he desecrates and undermines the institutions that make it possible but to me barrs crowning dishonesty there are no rules about when people theres no rules about when you can make noise. Order in the room, theres a banging. No, theres certainly not. Mr. Chairman would you have gene removed . Hes too duchey, we have to cross the street who are you guys . The douche busters youll get 2 years or 20,000 miles cheduled carefree maintenance. 3 years or 36,000 miles of 24 7 roadside assistance. 4 years or 50,000 miles bumpertobumper limited warranty. 5 years of connected services. And for 6 years you wont have paid any interest. Down the road, youll be grateful you bought a volkswagen today. Nyquifor your worst cold andrful relieflu symptoms, on sunday night and every night. Nyquil severe. The nightime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, best sleep with a cold, medicine. That go out today get delivered. There are people who can only get food from amazon. When you come into work, thats what drives you. My little one, i would say hes definitely proud of me. Every time he es tlu prime trucks, ays, daddy, tresr peop asas we every time he evy day to make sure these packages get delivered. An extra 15 percent credit on car and motorcycle policies . Ok . Thats 15 percent on top of what geico could already save you. So what are you waiting for . Dj khaled to be your motivational coach . Yo devin remember to brush in a circle motion. Thank you. Dj. Khaled. Tiny circles, devin. Do another one. Another one. Is this good . Put in that work, devin. Dont give up. Geico. Save an extra 15 when you switch by october 7th. Stephen were back with comedian Patton Oswalt. I know thernew h. B. O. Dock cue series ill be gone in the dark based on your wife. Tell us what its about. My shell mack n mcnamara. Tell us what its about. Its about the golden state killer, which michelle came up with that name, which helped to put heat and interest back on the case. It talks to the survivors and victims. Its a massive threepar kind oo chan amazingne documentary and documenttarian and its a wonderful piece of work. Stephen you were also interviewed and, obviously, this is very personal for you. What was the most important thing about this documentary for you . I think the most important thing for me was making sure to spotlight the stuff michelle wanted to in the book which is namely the victims lives, resilience from bouncing back from this tragedy they encountered and also getting a fuller picture of her and by doing that showing a fuller picture of what drives the people to investigate crimes, the kind of mindset that is drawn to that. And liz does that with flying colors. Teph ianexdomentary you sorbeing he. Oustepen, for having me. And if we can get meredith out to new york safely, she will happily cut your hair sixfeet distant, so keep that in mind. Stephen ill take it. Believe me, if i didnt have hair spray right now, it would be fluffed up like syndrome. laughter exactly, yeah, thats where mine was setting so luckily she stepped in stephen ill be gone in the dark premieres this sunday on hbo. Patton oswalt, everybody well be right back. These are our aunties, our uncles, our friends, our family, our community. Now more than ever, our Community Needs us to complete the 2020 census online. Census data helps every city and small town plan funding for hospitals, clinics, and emergency services. With just a few minutes online, we can all be there for the ones we love. Shape your future. Start here at 2020census. Gov. Stephen thats it for a late show. Were taking a little break coming up. I want you to have a great fourth of july. We hold these truths to be selfevident, black lives matter. Stick around for james corden. But first, stick around for some music from jon batiste and stay human. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by cbs the late late show, oh, oh the late late show, ooh its the late late show james it certainly is james goods evening and welcome to the late, late show

© 2024 Vimarsana

comparemela.com © 2020. All Rights Reserved.