Ih stepcolber tonight all the president s meds. Plus, stephen welcomes gayle king and amy sedaris featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen ready to do it . One more time. No . That hurt last time. Youre not going to do it again . Stephen ill do it again. Im not afraid of you. Ready . Lets do it. Come on welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Were all still trying to process the shocking revelation that donald trump dropped last night he cares about his health. Case in point today he had an event in a room where he was surrounded by fruits and vegetables. He was shocked to learn that fruit was available in nonrollup form. Usually i only see fruits by the foot. Of course, trump had to brag about how good he was to farmers. We are providing 19 billion to support our nations agricultural producers, maintain the health of our critical food supply chains, and provide Food Assistance to american families. 19 billion. No other president has done this, zippy. Ill tell you, you could go back to abraham lincoln, there is no president that has treated the farmers like trump. Stephen i dont know. Lincoln was pretty good for farmers. He did liberate a lot of people doing the actual farming. Now, trump explained to a Virginia Farmer how much he wanted to win his state in the upcoming election. We are going after virginia with your crazy governor. Were going after virginia. laughter they want to take your Second Amendment away, you know that, right . Youll have nobody guarding your potatoes. Stephen oh, yes, gotta have somebody guarding your potatoes. The whole potato family not just the big, manly russets and the fullbodied yukon golds, but the baby reds, the fingerlings, the tater tots. Who will protect the tatter tots . Its like they say the only way to beat a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a potato gun. They say that, right . Thank you. Thank you for nodding. It wouldnt be a trump event without him mispronouncing the thing the event is about. In normal times, roughly 40 of fresh vegeables. Stephen not only does he not eat his vegetables. He cant pronounce them. as trump i love vegeables, be it aspegus, the brolly, and of course the ketchup balls. I want to thank the brave men and women who milk those every morning. So, im doubting he eats his vegetables every day, but there is one thing he is taking hydroxychloroquine. Its typically used to treat malaria and lupus. And hes taking it prophylacticale only te hes actually used a prophylactic. And its a dicey move the f. D. A. Specifically cautions against use of hydroxychloroquine for covid19, in part because of side effects ranging from cardiac arrhythmias to increased risk of death. Look, i dont care how you feel politically. We have to protect the president of the United States. Theres just no way to dismiss the seriousness of death. Death is death. Stephen i stand corrected. Now, the medical Community Responded to the news with a what what what . One clinical pharmacologist said of the president s hydroxychloroquine regimen that seems to be a crazy thing to do. as trump oh, really, doctor . Well, ill have you know crazi is my middle horse. One of the Reasons Health professionals were especially concerned is because trump would appear to be part of the cohort most at risk, as he has a common heart disease. Yes, he doesnt have one. Despite a statement by the white house doctor, some people are speculating the president might be lying. Let me assure you, the president of the United States is not taking hydroxychloroquine. This president doesnt tell the truth. He may be taking this. He may not. Stephen or, option c, his doctors decided it was easier to just let him think hes taking it. as trump every morning, i push back spidermans head, and a little hydroxychloroquine comes out. Right now, theyre blue, but next weeks prescription is orange. But if thats true, hydroxychloroquine is just part of his longstanding policy of ingesting whatever productes fun tr firsreaces they tr in mcdonalds comm. Mpthese purple nuggets arl dry. Get me some of that that that ketchup ball milk. It wasnt just doctors who were shocked at trumps selfmedicating. We also heard from speaker of the house and dress barn bandit, nancy pelosi. Speaker pelosi had some choice words to express her concern for the president. Madame speaker, what is your reaction to the president saying that he is now taking hydroxychloroquine . Are you concerned . Hes our president , and i would rather he not be taking something that has not been approved by the scientists, especially in his age group and in his, shall we say, weight group. Morbidly obese, they say. Stephen oh, that is a very polite way to say a mean thing. as pelosi im concerned about the president because he is, shall we say, 20 pounds of pudding in a 10pound sack. What im saying is your president is so fat, that when he sits around the white house, he and shall i put this diplomatically sits around the without, which is a very large building, indeed. And its important to point out that fat shaming is wrong. Plenty of wonderful people are old and fat and beloved. Like santa. But guess what . Santa shouldnt take hydroxychloroquine, either also, he should really shave his beard. No way youre getting a good mask seal on that, kringle. Trump was asked about pelosi calling him obese, and he claimed to be above the fray. I dont respond to her. I think shes a waste of time. Stephen and he is the worlds leading authority on wasting time. This one time there was a huge, deadly globally pandemic. And he didnt do anything about it for, like, two months. He was a personal best at being the worst. But if trump really is taking hydroxychloroquine, he might not only be endangering himself, because trumps got legions of followers eager to jump on the hydroxychlorowagon. So yesterday, fox newss neil cavuto gave this stern warning if you are in a risky population here, and you are taking this as a preventative treatment, it will kill you. I cannot stress enough. This. Will. Kill. You. Stephen no, neil bad i cannot stress this enough fox anchors have to back up everything trump says or else i mean, theyve already replaced Brian Kilmeade with a humansized bleach jug. Hard to tell the difference. Trump wasnt about to take this slight from neil lying down although, he was almost certainly lying down when he retweeted half a dozen twitter posts attacking cavuto and calling him an idiot, foolish, gullible and an bleep . There you have it trying to keep elderly people alive now makes you an idiot in trumps book which might explain his recent twitter feud with a shower chair. But trump isnt just mad at fox. Hes ready to move on from them, tweeting last night, fox news is no longer the same. We miss the great roger ailes. You know who doesnt . Miss roger ailes . Women within arms reach. Trump continued you have more antitrump people, by far, than ever before looking for a new outlet well, luckily, mr. President , i know of an outlet ready to show you the loyalty you crave. Its our own inhouse news source, real news tonight. Jim . Welcome to real news tonight, im jim anchorton. According to reports, President Trump is looking for a new numberone news source, to which i say, mr. President , look no further. Unlike the liberal fakeers at fox news, i wont tell your voters what will kill them. Not only have i started taking all your recommended medication im taking ones you havent mentioned. Im on hydroxychloroquine, i haviniviagra, quaaludes and mus. Im not sure if they, with on the virus but i discussed it with my doctor a pillow that says live, laugh, love. I have been sucking the preshts juice from these clorox wipes until i lose consciousness. Speaking of time for my daily dose. From all of us at real news. Ow stephen hes fine. Trump is still trying to find someone he can blame his poor response to the pandemic. So far, hes narrowed it down to china, obama, and anyone not named donald trump. as trump i know, ill blame it on the dog. What do you mean i dont have a dog . Then who pooped on the rug . Eric last night, trump lashed out at one of his favorite blame targets, threatening in a letter to the director general of the World Health Organization that he would permanently end all funding to the organization if it did not commit to substantive improvements. No surprise there. Trump hates the world, health, and organization. Trumps real target is china and their handling of the coronavirus. Thats why his letter includes this little tidbit on january 28, 2020, after meeting with president xi in beijing, you praised the Chinese Government for its transparency with respect to coronavirus. Yeah, and i seem to remember one member of the w. H. O. On january 24th really going over the top with their praise of china. China has been working very hard to contain the coronavirus. The United States greatly appreciates their efforts and transparency. It will all work out well. In particular, on behalf of the american people, i want to thank president xi. We hasnt aged very well. But then again, neither has donald trump. Trump feels the w. H. O. Is too close to china, so hes cutting off their funding. China had another idea, because also yesterday, president xi jinping offered to provide 2 billion in the fight against the pandemic and called on other nations to increase their contributions to the w. H. O. Take that, china trump just made you the world pandemic. Hes got you right where you want you. But youll be happy to hear that trump can be awful about things other than the pandemic. In a huge break with a decadeslong president ial tradition, trump wont be unveiling Barack Obamas white house portrait, partly because trump already made his own unofficial obama portrait. For decades, hanging a predecessors portrait has signaled the peaceful transition of power from president to president , regardless of party politics. Now, this is the biggest dis to a president ial predecessor since john adams refused to wear washingtons teeth. We have got a great show for you tonight. My guest is cbs this morning anchor gayle king. Stick around. Stick around lets be honest. Quitting smoking is hard. Like, quitting every monday hard. Quitting feels so big. So try making it smaller, and youll be surprised at how easily starting small can lead to something big. Start stopping with nicorette. Starting small can lead to something big. vo love. Its what weve always said makes subaru, subaru. And right now, love is more important than ever. In response to covid19, subaru and our retailers are donating fifty million meals to feeding america, to help feed those who now need our help. Its all part of our commitment to our communities through subaru loves to help. Love, its what makes subaru, subaru. Show me reality. Tv. Where my hobbits at . Play lord of the rings. Play my straight outta the shire playlist. I want to see the king. Find lebron. Search more cartoons. Play the last o. G. Take me to the streets, play sesame street. Me want more cookies. Find the things you love with a voice command. Introducing at t tv. With live tv and access to streaming apps. Plug in and watch, with easy selfsetup. Shipped directly to you. for my mother,vo iit was a very difficult time. But she wasnt alone. Everybody tried to do what they could to help. We can get through this. We all have the strength to do it. Ive seen it. [laughs] when you think of a bank, you think of people in a place. But when you have the chase mobile app, your bank can be virtually any place. So, when you get a check. You can deposit it from here. And you can see your transactions and check your balance from here. You can detect suspicious activity on your account from here. And you can pay your friends back from here. So when someone asks you, wheres your bank . You can tell them heres my bank. Or heres my bank. Or, heres my bank. Because if you download and use the chase mobile app, your bank is virtually any place. So visit chase. Com mobile. Stephen welcome back, everybody. Joining me tonight is the cohost of cbs this morning, editor at large of o magazine, and host of the siriusxm show, gayle king in please welcome, friend of this show and yours, gayle king. Hey, gayle, how are you doing . Stephen colbert, i can say this before we officially start . I got dressed up for you. I havent had on a fancy dress, and my superduper spanx since february. Picture that for a second. I did this just for you. Stephen thank you. And i havent changed shoes, though, but im still wearing black socks. Stephen good, i put on my spanx for you, too, just for this moment. Im thrilled. Stephen now, have you gone out are you just in your apartment, or are you going outside at all . Stephen, i didnt go outside for 32 days. Im not kidding. I was so freaked out by it. You know, this is a moving target that keeps changing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I went out. It was nice. The birds were singing. There were trees, there was grass, there were people wonderful, i had on a mask. I went back in, and i didnt go out again for another week. I went out this past weekend. Stephen yes, yes. I have been out twice in 50something days. Stephen wow. And, you know, its interesting because im a very people person. I have a new tshirt that said, i was a people person till people ruined it for me. Because were now like human weapons walking around. I just took the Antibody Test. Stephen oh, yes. Why, did you think you had it . I thought back in everybodys saying this anecdotally, but i really do believe this december, january, i had an awful cough. It was a really terrible thing. I went to the doctor three times because i thought i had pneumonia. Turns out i didnt have pneumonia. I said, i know ive got this thing. After all the covid stuff started. So i took the Antibody Test really feeling, okay, good, i know its going to come back and it will say its positive, then i can say i had it, i didnt die, and i got through it. When the doctor called me and said, gayle, your results are negative . I said, negative are you sure . This is an effective test and she said, that wasnt the reaction i was expecting. I said, i dont mean to be disrespectful but in a weird way i was hoping i had had it. Negative, i have not been exposed, never had it. My son said, mom, you tested negative for a did thely virus, i think the word youre looking for is thank you, doctor. Now youre more vig land about it. Stephen did you say your favorite son, will . Favor son, well. He is my favorite son, will. Stephen youre coming up on your First Anniversary with yu cohosts, Anthony Mason and Tony Dokoupil. Were the only show operating from three different locations. I really like the camaraderie at the table. I like the collaboration that we have. So its different. But i do think its made a very different kind of newscast for all of us in a good way, in a good way. Because youre actually you know viewers are inviect you into their home, but they are now being invited into ours. And i dont know about you, stephen, but everybody is a freaking critic. They go, gayle, the pillows are crooked. The pictures are crooked. What is the color of your wall . They said to Anthony Mason, rthose beer bottles behind you . What are those stoppers . Is Tony Dokoupil really in the basement . Everybody is a critic. Stephen i have a lot of talk they need some art or something there. Theres a website called room raider or something. Anthony mason has a nine out of 10 because he doesnt have the obligatory bookshelf behind him. Turn around, mr. Colbert. Stephen im in my little library. He doesnt have the obligatory bookshelf and has beautiful art. And they said, gayle gets docked two points for the terrible salmon color on her walls. Everybody is a critic. The thing i think is so great is the viewers are really glad to see us. Every day somebody says to me, seeing the three of you, youre smiling, you seem blad to be real arei oory,an thatod, we make me feel good gli feel the same way, whether your show, or your podcast, and i feel grateful people are doing it. Mark the time, you know,. Stephen, these are scary times. And its its a big responsibility. Its a big privilege, as you know, to be able to tell the story. Stephen tit is. Im really glad to be here, rally glad to be here. Stephen speaking of strange days. Ill tell you what was strange for me was that the governor shut down any crowds of, like, 400 people or more or something. So we had to get out of the ed sullivan theater. We did one show with nobody in the ed sullivan, than we left and i started doing my show from the bathtub the next monday. I saw that. Stephen and i turn on the tv, and youre in my theater how did you like it . I liked it. I liked it. Number one, do you know gene and wade and dante . Stephen of course. Your crew guys are awesome. Stephen they are amazing. He was one of ours and now hes yours. You have one of the best teams in television. Those guys were so welcoming toe incredible. So nice to us. Stephen yeah. And it was really nice digs. Then we got kicked out of there. And so now im here at my home. Stephen get out we were there, mr. Colbert. Stephen not before did you some posing. I like this. I like this. I got this you sent me an email with this photo on it. I liked it. I was tempted to sketch you like one of my french girls. Stephen, i was feeling very shy that day. Actually i got on your table and was ready to sing happy birthday to you happy birthday, dear stephen happy birthday to you i knew you could take the joke and i wasnt worried you would be upset about it. Stephen i hope you weremforl we thank you for letting us take over your dig s. Stephen now, obviously, youve been in the news for years. Yeah. Stephen youre a news junky. Very much still. Stephen while the coronavirus slike, the allencompassing global story, it affects everyone. What are the stories that you think that should be talked about right now that were just not talking about enough . Stephen, i cant believe that were not talking about a Political Campaign, campaign 2020. You know, were sitting here in may heading into june. The conventions are supposed to be julyaugust. I still dont know whats going to be up with those, with them yet. But here we are in the middle of a very importantelinary cagn and, you knhejoe bindseot even the lead story anymore because everything is all things corona. I really hope that people Pay Attention to the Political Campaign. This is very important. Regardless of your political affiliation, we all need to get out there and vote and make our voices heard. So i worry that the Political Campaign is just sort of getting lost in the shuffle. Stephen yeah, i mean, normally speaking, i mean im not in the news, but we do jokes about the election. I know. Stephen and ive been doing that since the 2000 election. This is 2004, 8, 12 this is the sixth one. Yeah. Stephen and this is the first time im not constantly talking about the president ial campaign at this point. Is that hard for you . Is that hard for you . Stephen no we just do whatever we just talk about whatever the National Conversation is right now. I dont set any agenda. Its whatever people are talking about. Its odd, strange, its another thing in on the list of bizarre. Yeah. Stephen and on the bonfire of normality, throw another log yh,haed arbry cse,o and mre ati cover that. I think thats a very important story. Ordinarily, that, i think would get more coverage than its getting. Its bubbling up. Stephen and there would be more protests if people felt comfortable being together in groups. Exactly right. Stephen gayle, we have to take a little bit of a break, but well upon right back, everybody, with more gayle king. Sleep this amazing . Thats a zzzquil pure zzzs sleep. Our gummies contain a unique botanical blend, means no nextday grogginess. Zzzquil pure zzzs. Naturally superior sleep. Bang bang, there goes my bang bang, i want my bang bang, i want my bang bang go bang bang there goes my bang bang, go bang bang, there goes my bazooka go bang bang, there goes my bang bang, i want my mind blown, i want my mind blown go bang bang, there goes my bazooka [sniffing] healmowildcaught . She only eats wild caught. [cash register beeps] uh, i need a price check on honey. Dont get mad. Get e trade and get more than just trading. Investing. Banking. Guidance. Capital one knows life doesnt update you about your credit card. So meet eno. The capital one assistant that looks out for charges that might surprise you and helps you fix them. Whats in your wallet . Stephen hey, everybody. Were back with gayle king and her very shiny dress. Now, you have a weekly radio show on siriusxm. Yes. Stephen whats the name of the show . Listen to this title, Stephen Gayle king in the house. Drop the microphone. You know thats good. Stephen shes always in the house right now. Exactly. Stephen what are your stories this week . What are you talking about . Well, so they came they approached me and said, in this time of covid would you be interested . We just want a voice that is the word wasnt smoothing but they said was normal, could solicit both points of view on any topic. Stephen youre soothing. Huh. Stephen youre soothing. I want to be soothing. Im open to all sorts of conversation from all different points of view. Everybody is terrified about covid. Listen, thats how it started. And it is covidbased. But, you know, were talking now about do we continue the show . Because as you know, im a news junky. I was talking about Michael Jordans last dance. That. Documentary is knockout. I was talking about the disney singalong. I was talking about covid what are you learning about yourself . What are you learning about other people . How have you changed . So its every thursday, every thursday at 5 00. You know what the i want the topic to be tomorrow night thursday night dating in covid. Or relationships in covid. I think people are either getting closer together i know you and evie are tigworut you a. Stephen tighter than ever. I know ti believe it. Either covid relationships are either going to bring you closer together or theyre going to rip you apart. Theres either going to be more divorces or more babies. So relationships in covid. Dating in covid. How is it going for you . Whats your story . Thats what i want to talk about this thursday. Stephen before before we go, i want to i want to talk about what everybody is doing these days. Theres a lot more home cooking going on. Oh, god. Stephen right now. Next question stephen have you have you dove in. Next stephen no . Youre not a cooker . Stephen, i tried listen, i lived in this apartment for three months, and i turned on the oven, it wasnt working. I called downstairs, excuse me, you know, i dont want to cause a problem but my ovens not working. They sent somebody up, and they said, miss king, its not hooked up. How long have you been here . I go, three monthssm. Oh, its not hooked up. Is that the problem . That tells you something about cooking. I walked in the kitchen, all the appliances just sort of died. I saw people making banana bread. I tried. Ive tried twice. Stephen its a staple. I tried twice. Stephen and . Not so good. Its in the oven, you take it out, you stick the thing and its still wet and messy and i know thats not good. So i think, stephen, theres something wrong with my oven. I dont think its me. Im done with the baking. Stephen, thats not my skill set. Dont from. Stephen im not judging at all. I made a sour do you last night that you can drive a nail with. Stephen, thats not good. Are you cooking . Stephen all the time, all the time. Were here with the kids, and we trade off nights cooking. Everybody is responsible for a different night of the week. Are you guys bonding more than ever before . I think your family was already pretty tight. Stephen were pretty tight. We turned out to be pretty good company for each other. Thats good. Stephen thats a lovely thing to discover. This is the thing, stephen try quarantining with me, myself, and me. I stand in the living room and wave at the birds, hi, my name is gayle ill be here tomorrow. Or you walk by a mirror and say, hey, gayle, how are you doing . I think this is a tough time, i believe, to be single, speaking for myself. I really wish at this point i wasnt by myself. But i also know, that said, im one of the lucky ones. Knock on wood. Im healthy. I have a join really like. I like the place i live. So i cant have a cry for me argentina moment. That said, i think everybody wants to share their life with someone, especially at times like this. I have great friends, and i have friends im really tight with. Everybody i care about is in california. I dont know when im going. Im not getting on a plane. I dont know when that will be. Thats hard. Stephen well, thanks for sharing a little bit of your life with us right now. You want to come get me, stephen . Ill come over your house. Stephen i would love to. Well pitch a tent for you out in the yard. But you cant come in. I feel so loved thank you, Stephen Colbert. Stephen cbs this morning airs weekdays at 7 00 a. M. On cbs. Gayle king, everyone our firstyearab anniversary. Stephen firstyear anniversary. When we come back, ill do some crafting with amy sedaris. Stick around. Lets be honest. Quitting smoking is hard. Like, quitting every monday hard. Quitting feels so big. So try making it smaller, and youll be surprised at how easily starting small can lead to something big. Start stopping with nicorette. Sprinting past every leak in our softest, smoothest fabric. Shes confident, protected, her strength respected. Depend. The only thing stronger than us, is you. Hold on one second. Sure. Okay. Okay safe drivers save 40 guys guys check it out. Safe drivers save 40 safe drivers save 40 safe drivers save 40 thats safe drivers save 40 . It is, thats safe drivers save 40 . Hes right there. Its him hes here. Hes right here. Hi hi. Hey thats totally him. Its him thats totally the guy. Safe drivers do save 40 . Click or call for a quote today. Stephen welcome back. As you know, im a roman catholic, which means i believe in the trinity, and i have a drawer full of holy cards that i feel too guilty to throw away. It also means i go to church, when going places was a thing we used to do. And one thing i miss about church is confession. So, if you dont mind, id like to confess to you, my audience. You wont tell anybody, will you . You say,of course, not. Of course, not, stephen. Stephen you said you were ready . I didnt know that was my job. Have you watched your fathers Television Show . Ive seen the regular brand. Stephen thanks. This is a special quarantine edition of Stephen Colberts midnight confessions. Standard disclaimer i dont know if these are technically sins, but i do feel bad about them. Okay, ill be right back. Audience, this year on my taxes, im claiming my sourdough starter as a dependent. I did not end up using this time to finish reading my novel. And by finish i mean start. And by novel i mean nespresso instruction booklet. You put the pod in. You push the button. Why is there a book . When i zoom with people, i spend the entire time looking at myself zooming with them. If we have to be in isolation, im hoping well get to find out which celebrities actually have grey hair. My moneys on kermit. Youre 65, kermy youre not fooling anyone. I invented a new drinking game. Minus the game. Oooh i miss normal new york so much, at this point, id pay a tourist to walk slowly in front of me for five blocks. If i had to join tiktok or die, im sure it would be a nice funeral. I feel bad about missing some weddings this summer but pretty good about missng the other ones. Audience, i recently watched the shining, and all i could think of was well, yeah. Hes trying to work from home, and you keep interrupting him. Ive bingewatched so many scandinavian crime dramas, i can now say it was you all along in danish. Sahdehvahdie, heeluh teethen, johann new high score. Forgive me, audience we forgive you stephen thanks. Well be right back. I happen to be taking it. Hydroxychloroquine . Im taking it. Hydroxychloroquine. When . Right now. Because i think its good. Ive heard a lot of good stories. Im not going to get hurt by it. What the hell do you have to lose . Effortless is the lincoln way. So as you head back out on the road, well be doing what we do best. Providing some calm amidst the chaos. With virtual, realtime tours of our vehicles as well as remote purchasing. For a little help, on and off the road. Now when you buy or lease a new lincoln, well make up to 3 payments on your behalf. Now when you buy or lease a new lincoln, the last thing you should have is having enough toilet paper. Please know were working around the clock to get you more charmin. Stay safe. Add some resistance. Sara, your movie plus trial is about to expire. Do you want to continue or cancel . Capital one knows life doesnt update you about your credit card. So meet eno. The capital one assistant that looks out for charges that might surprise you and helps you fix them. Another way capital one is watching out for your money when youre not. Whats in your wallet . Tums ver bell rings la stick when heartburn hits fight back fast. With tums chewy bites. Beat heartburn fast tums chewy bites dont bring that mess around here, evan whoo dont do it. Dont you dare. I dont think so [ sighs ] its okay, big fella. Were gonna get through this together. At c its okay, big fella. Nice rip, robbie. Raaah when you bundle home and Auto Insurance through progressive, you get more than just a big discount. Im gonna need you to leave. You get relentless protection. [ baseball bat cracks ] that could mean education for our little man and a closer bus stop for her. Shape your future. Start here. Complete the census at 2020census. Gov. Stephen welcome back, everybody. My next guest is a very funny comedian and expert crafter you know from strangers with candy, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt boch jarsen, and at home with amy sedaris. Please welcome my dear friend, amy sedaris hey, look at that good to see you again. It is so good to see you stephen you are an accomplished crafter. This is known to everyone who knows amy sedaris. Do you what are you crafting these days in quarantine . What are you working on . Actually, what ive been doing is covering lighters. You know i like to take a lighter and make a cover for it stephen like a plastic butane lighter. Heres my latest line. Its a label from a show, for example, i decorate them and sell them for 10, when i have an audience. So i dont have an audience right now, so i dont know what im going to do with them. I thought today we would make popsicle sick people. And i got this from a book on bible crafts. Stephen bible crafts. And i figure everyone has a tongue depressor at home or a popsicle stick. Stephen really . Everyone has a tongue depressor at home . I think so, yeah, i think so. Well, thats stephen i was sent a box i was sent a box of these because i do not have Tongue Depressors at home. Oh, really. Well you can also use a popsicle stick. You can melt them out in the sun, the pop sickles and i like the stain stephen or eat them. Yeah, yeah, you can eat them too. I just hate that now they advertise a popsicle stick so its not any fun, so i moved on to Tongue Depressors. Stephen what are we supposed to do with these . This is what youre going to do. This is like a z. Z. Top. You can have nice craft hair. But i just got rid of all my craft hair. Im so disappoint gld why did you get rid of your craft hair . I decided to get rid of a bun of crap i had. Cuomo. Nick kroll. You can do plain ones, stick them in your flower pot. Stephen start me off. Talk me through it. Im a novice. You can take the other end, if you want to save your sticks. This is what i did. Youre going to need a jar full of either the hair from your hair brush. I have some rabbit hair in there. I have some chopped up wigs in here. I have a little some cotton bits in here. Rabbit fur. And stuff from my vacuum cleaner. You just start collecting hair. Again, i got rid of all my hair. Youre going to take a depressor. Youre going to apply some glue, where you want the eyes to go, where youre going to put googly eyes. Stephen im on it. Or a beard or something. You put it on the tongue depressor. You dip it into stephen just put the glue where you normally would on a tongue depressor. Exactly. I used adhesive googly eyes. Because i didnt want the glue i didnt want the eyes to get lost in my jar of hair. Normally, these are my googly eye s. Stephen im off to a goof. Its like a pray animal. It has eyes on the side of its head. What do you have in your jar . Stephen i dont have i didnt know i was supposed to have a jar of hair. Could you get me some scissors . Sure. Stephen johns going to get me some scissors. Ill take some of my hair. Really. Stephen i have a lot of hair. Stephen. Stephen stephen i have the tufts back there. John, cut off a little bit of my hair, will you, just a little tuft. Just a tuft right there. John, are you doing it all. John you probably dont stephen there gu. Okay. All right. So ill put a ill put a little on top here. Okay. Stephen oh, god oh, my god laughing . Its not easy stephen dont tell your mom. Dont it really isnt easy. Stephen okay. Im im going im going oh, my god. Evies going to kilme oh, yo are trouble. Uhoh. Stephok s it in the jar, see oh, you did thats a good one this is what i do. You stick it int work. You stick it into the jar. Heres mine. Stephen that is absolutely that is grounds that is grounds for medication. What is that . Yeah, see, the thing, is you stick it in the jar, and wherever it lands up, makes you laugh. Anyway stephen aim, your show of course is called at home with amy sedaris. Its as if you prepared for coronavirus ahead of time by making your fabulous career all at home. How do you feel . Im home a lot. Im not a shutin, but i spend a lot of time at home and i take care of my home so that hasnt been the problem. I love being at home. Stephen now, and you my friend paul dinello actually lived together for many years, and i practically lived with you, because i think for about 15 years i saw one of the two of fun if not both of you, every stephen how do you think we would do together in quarantine . Well, wed watch documentaries. Q. Documentary. Stephen a lf documentaries, exactly. Did bring some blasts from the past, stephen. Do you remember when you made this for me . You can see it. Stephen i do yes, i do. I used to find pottery in Charleston Harbor on the shore. Yeah. Stephen and i i found that pottery in Charleston Harbor, and i made it into a pin for you. You sure did. And i still have it. And i love it. Stephen im so glad. Has a little man walking on it, doesnt it. Oh, good memory yeah. Its a good one. And then i bought my blank wig. This is a blast from the past seg pment upon i know, right, right. I thought this would be fun. I dont have yours but i have pauls first headshot. Stephen i dont have mine handy, im afraid. Thats pauls first headshot . Yeah, isnt that good. Stephen he hasnt aged a day, and neither have you, and neither have you. Season three of at home with amy sedaris premieres tomorrow it is the perfect thing to watch while qawshting. We are kind of quarantined on the show. It takes place in a set, like an i dream of jeanie bottle. It will be interesting to see if maybe people are tired of being inside. I hope it works. Its a fun season. Its one of my favorite s. Stephen antastic. Its in the top three. Its in the top three . Stephen stay safe. You too. Stephen stay healthy. Nice to see your face. John, it was good to see you bye okay, see you. Stephen amy sedaris, thats it for yet another late show. Thank you for tuning in with us. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be steve carell and musical guest wilco. Stick around for james corden. But first, before we do any of that, lets say good night with some music from jon batiste and stay human. Captioning sponsored by cbs the late late show, oh, oh the late late show, ooh the late late show, oh, oh its the late late show james good evening ladies ge