Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight the song unsung. Plus, stephen welcomes josh gad. And tamron hall. And a performance by tiana major9 and earthgang. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape at the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause theme song playing whoo hey welcome, one and all, up there, down here, out there, everybody watching right now. Tremendous. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause folks, if you have been watching the tv, you know its an historic solid day that will forever alter the fabric of american democracy. So, thursday. Because this afternoon, the senate officially opened the impeachment trial of president donald john trump. cheers and applause ill tell you all about it in tonights don and the giant impeach. Mouth to mouth resuscitation. laughter stephen i dont know what that means, but i like it. laughter last night, the house sent a formal procession to present the articles of impeachment to the senate, kicking off trumps impeachment trial. Or it would have, but Mitch Mcconnell declared that the impeachment articles could not be formally delivered until the following day. So house members had to leave a sorry we missed you slip. laughter now they will pick up the impeachment articles at the airport or Something Like that. Today, house managers held a very solemn reparade, and when they arrived in the senate, there was a highstakes announcement from the senate sergeantatarms. Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye. All persons are commanded to keep silent on pain of imprisonment while the house of representatives is exhibiting to the senate of the United States articles of impeachment against donald john trump, president of the United States. Announcer did you hear that . Silent on pain of imprisonment its the senates second harshest punishment after silent but deadly. laughter then, the senate summoned chief justice roberts, who made a dramatic entrance, led by the reservoir dogs. Yeah. Only, in this case, there are three mr. Whites. laughter the chief justice then swore in the senate jury. Do you solemnly swear that in all things appertaining to the trial of the impeachment of donald john trump, president of the United States, now pending, you will do impartial justice according to the constitution and laws, so help you god . I do. Stephen there, every senator just swore to be an impartial juror, which may come as a surprise to this guy. Im not an impartial juror. laughter stephen okay. It takes a special talent to be a split jury of one. laughter then, adam schiff read the articles of impeachment into the record, and they were adjourned until tuesday. It would be monday, but thats Martin Luther king day. Impeached at last, impeached at last, well see what happens, but hes impeached at last. cheers and applause now, for weeks, republicans have ignored mounting evidence that trump knew everything that was happening with the ukraine scheme, and democrats have been praying for the other shoe to drop. Well, last night, an entire foot locker fell out of the sky, thanks to giuliani associate and man who told the barber, give me the charlie brown, lev parnas. Jon peanuts. Stephen parnas, youll remember, is a recentlyindicted goon who worked with giuliani to help trump blackmail ukraine into investigating joe biden. And last night, parnas gave a bunch of interviews outlining the president s involvement. And they were juicy so i hope you guys are standing by with that popcorn gif of me. laughter first up, parnas sat down with Rachel Maddow and immediately tossed trump under air force one what do you think is the main inaccuracy or the main lie thats being told, that you feel like you can correct . That the president didnt know what was going on. President trump knew exactly what was going on. laughter cheers and applause jon aaahhh piano riff stephen this this is historic. laughter its the first time anyone has ever used the phrase trump knew exactly what was going on. laughter cheers and applause parnas called out trump on all of his lies, like how trump keeps saying he doesnt know parnas. In terms of the president and what he said about you, you about you and mr. Fruman, igor fruman, i dont know those gentlemen, i dont know about them, i dont know what they do. Youre saying that was not a true statement from the president . He lied. I mean, were not friends, when you say friends, me and him didnt watch Football Games together, we didnt eat hot dogs. Stephen i mean, he invited me over for hot dogs, but by the time i got there, they were all gone. So was a large portion of the football. Parnas talked to anderson cooper, and shocked everyone by revealing that before trump tried to pressure zelensky into announcing an investigation of biden, trump had already put the same screws to ukraines previous president , petro poroshenko. The first quid pro quo we gave was when we met with president poroshenko. If he would make the announcement, that he would trump would invite him to the white house, or make a statement for him. But basically, would start supporting him for, you know, president. So that was the first quid pro quo. Poroshenko could can come to the white house or get meeting with trump if he announces an investigation. Correct. Stephen that is so trump. Harass a ukrainian president and then replace him with a younger, hotter one. laughter cheers and applause parnas made it clear that trump threatened ukraine, and not just their military aid. Mayor Rudy Giuliani told me after, you know, meeting with the president at the white house, he called me the message was it wasnt just military aid, it was all aid. Basically, their relationships would be sour, that we would stop giving them any kind of aid. Stephen as trump were talking all the aid. Military aid, humanitarian aid, lemonade, bandaid, farm aid, milk maid, dennis quaid. cheers and applause now, i i i, i, i trump has insisted that he withheld that aid to fight corruption, but lev parnas says, nuhuh. It was all about joe biden, hunter biden. The only thing we cared about was that we were the team was to get zelensky, or porochenko or somebody, to make a press release, an announcement into the biden investigation. Stephen dingdingding. Gun, smoking. Fat lady, singing. Bomb, shelled. The only way this could be more damning for trump is if theres a phone transcript of him demanding an investigation of joe oh. Oh oh oh laughter this wasnt easy for parnas, because he had special feelings for trump. You loved president trump. Loved him. I mean, when the f. B. I. Came to my house to raid, my wife felt embarrassed because they said i had a shrine to him. I mean, i had pictures all over. I mean, i idolized him. I thought he was the savior. Stephen i understand that. Every time i look at trump, i say jesus. laughter cheers and applause piano riff now, the president s supporters are already calling parnas a liar, but heres the thing he brought the receipts. Tuesday, House Democrats released a huge cache of incriminating documents provided by parnas. And then they released another one yesterday handwritten notes, text messages, voicemails, pictures, calendars. He even has a scrapbook our ukrainezy summer vacay getting colludy with the prez and rudy 2019 for most of the past 24 hours, trump has been strangely silent on impeachment. No shouts, no tweets. Which was quite alarming. Its like when the kids are playing upstairs. You get used to the screaming, but when they go quiet, grab the keys, because were going to the hospital. But this afternoon, the pressure finally got to him, and he blasted off this gem i just got impeached for making a perfect phone call its not sinking in. Its getting trumps like a dog who just took a crap in your shoe and cant understand why everyones mad about it. as trump but my aim was perfect i filled the loafer completely laughter jon that old dog. Stephen youre definitely gelin now. laughter i dont know what that means. laughter trump also, up to this point, hadnt said a word about lev parnas, even though parnas taunted him on tv, saying this when you were arrested, the president of the United States said he didnt know you. I welcome him to say that even more. Every time he says that, ill show them another picture. cheers and applause stephen a new picture. Look at that. Thats bold. A new picture for every denial. Well, today, trump took him up on that challenge. I dont know parnas. I dont know him at all. Dont know what hes about. Dont know where he comes from. I know nothing about him. I dont even know who this man is. I dont know him. I know nothing about him. I dont know him. I dont believe ive ever spoken to him. I dont believe ive ever spoken to him. I dont know him. Stephen thats a lot of pictures. I mean, lev might as well release video of the two of them together. Oh, he did . laughter cheers and applause thats footage of lev and trump chatting at maralago in 2016. Now, just what there it is. What are they talking about . Impossible to say, because for some reason, lev put Janet Jacksons 1997 hit together again over the whole clip. Everywhere i go every smile i see i know you are there smiling back at me stephen even though nasty boys would have been much more appropriate. as parnas my names not baby, its lev. Mr. Parnas, if youre nasty. laughter up until now, the white houses defense has been clear nothing happened. And if it did happen, it was about corruption. And if it wasnt about corruption, its not a problem since its totally legal for the president to withhold aid. Cant have impeachment if he didnt break the law. Well, funny coinkydink today, the Nonpartisan Government Accountability Office released a report saying the Trump Administration broke the law in withholding ukraine aid. So the day the impeachment is delivered, his own government announces hes guilty. Thats like showing up to the custody hearing and your kids yell, dad, we made your favorite breakfast cocktail and we didnt drown it piano riff heres what the g. A. O. Wrote faithful execution of the law does not permit the president to substitute his own policy priorities for those that congress has enacted into law. as trump cheers and applause no, no. No, no. Im sorry, you lost me at faithful. laughter weve got a great show for you tonight. Josh gad is here. When we return, meanwhile stick around. cheers and applause band playing america isnt just sick of donald trump, americas getting sicker. There are one million more uninsured americans every year under trump. And hes repeatedly tried to repeal obamacare. Mike bloomberg will make sure everyone without Health Coverage can get it, and everyone who likes theirs, keep it. While capping fees to lower costs. As mayor, he helped expand coverage to seven hundred thousand more people. And championed womens reproductive health. As president , hell give access to everyone. Im Mike Bloomberg and i approve this message. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody give it up for jon batiste and stay human i like it casual tonight. A little laid back. Good to see you. John, our friend josh gad is here tonight. Jon josh gad is in the house cheers and applause stephen fantastic evening. Folks, you might know, if you watch the show and i hope you do, you probably do since youre watching now, then you know i spend a fair amount of the show over there, handcrafting the days news into the balsa wood hull, toothpick mast, and threadneedle rigs of the bespoke shipinabottle that is my monologue. But once in a while, i like to suck down a few freeze pops, slather on some elmers, and contaminate an estuary pond with the popsicle stick raft of news that is my segment meanwhile cheers and applause it brings hope to a troubled nation. Thats what it does. Meanwhile is a beacon in the darkness. Meanwhile a study has revealed that tinder, grindr, and other dating apps share sensitive personal data with advertisers. So if you feel bad about your dry spell, dont worry the entire Marketing Department at t. G. I. Fridays knows how horny you are. laughter cheers and applause side of wings . Some wings, maybe . Meanwhile, a kansas man has asked an iowa court to grant his motion for trial by combat so he can meet his exwife and her attorney on the field of battle. Huh. I wonder why its his ex wife. We just had different interests. She loves travel, and im into bloodsport justice. laughter and he asked the court to give him 12 weeks lead time in order to source or forge katana and wakizashi swords. laughter wait, you throw down for trial by combat and you dont have your swords ready . You cant build in a waiting period. Hey pal, you want to take this outside . In 12 weeks. I just need to work out a bit. Its right after the holidays. Im feeling kind of bloated. laughter meanwhile, a Michigan Town has bought a nasal ranger to track down stinky marijuana plants. There it is, being used in the field. My god, its worse than we thought. Everyone in town must be high. Theyre all laughing hysterically. laughter if youre thinking, how do i get one of those for my face . Brace yourself. The nasal ranger costs 3,400. audience reacts but think of all the money youll save on never dating. laughter meanwhile, a man in philadelphia ate 500 cheesesteaks in 20 months. When asked why, he said, i was trying to find what to do with the second half of my life. laughter and when you eat 500 cheesesteaks, 20 months is the second half of your life. laughter meanwhile, a new startup wants to put a tiny display on a contact lens, making it the worlds first true smart contact lens. Perfect for anyone who looked at google glass and said yeah, its dumb, but i wish it could give me an eye infection. laughter meanwhile, singer Billie Eilish has confirmed that she will be performing the theme song from the upcoming james bond film. If youre not familiar with Billie Eilish i know. Youre watching my show. laughter cbs. So heres a clip from her hit video, bad guy. White shirt, now red. My bloody nose. Sleeping youre on your tippy toes. Creeping around like no one knows. Think youre so im the bad guy. Duh. Stephen am i supposed to dance or pass this video along so i dont die in seven days . laughter cheers and applause doesnt seem happy. Doesnt seem happy. Now, if Billie Eilishs whole vibe seems like a weird fit for bond, we have a sneak preview that should reassure you. laughter james bond, you are a superspy movie. Its called no time to die. We get james bond. Hes a bond guy. Duh. gunfire cheers and applause stephen well be right back with josh gad. cheers and applause whistling whistling can match the power of energizer. Because energizer ultimate lithium is the longest lasting aa battery in the world. [confetti cannon popping] energizer. Backed by science. Matched by no one. Uh, fifteen minutes could save you 15 ain . Or more on car insurance. I think were gonna swap over to over seventyfive years of savings and service. What, were just gonna swap over . Yep. Pump the breaks on this, swap it over to that. Pump the breaks, and, uh, swap over . Thats right. Instead of all this that ive already . Yeah. What are we gonna do with these . Keep it at your desk, and save it for next time. Geico. Over 75 years of savings and service. Two bacon, two sausage, this is the two eggssuper slam. Hash browns and pancakes and now make those pancakes all you can eat for a buck. Thats where the duper comes in. The all new super duper slam just seven ninety nine. See you at dennys. Wherever we want to go, we just have to start. Autosave your way there with chase. Chase. Make more of whats yours. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back to the late show ladies and gentlemen, you know my next guest you know my guest tonight from the book of mormon, beauty and the beast, and of course, as olaf in frozen. He now stars in the new hbo series, avenue 5. Please welcome back to the late show, josh gad cheers and applause band playing nice Stephen Lovely to see you again. You can stand up if you want to. Stephen i can interview you standing up . Yes. Stephen one of us should sit. Please. Its lovely to see you again. I am not always jealous of my guests but im jealous because of you because of the new show avenue 5. Youre also starring with hugh laurie who is an old friend, weve met twice. Whats that been like for you . Your jealousy is warranted, armando is how many of you have seen veep . cheers and applause death of stalin. Hes a genius. He just knows how to take these issues in the political or social arenas and find a new way to approach them, much like our old friend jonathan stewart. Stephen i like that guy. What happened to him . I know. Stephen yeah. The people at home wont get that joke, but one day they will. Stephen yeah. I really, really, really love him. Now, hugh laurie is a pain in the ass. Stephen really . He seems lovely. Its an act . Heres why hes a pain in the ass. Before he gets angry watching in at home now and goes, well, i know not to work with that guy anymore, hes the perfect specimen of a human being. I show up,ive im driven to the work in the back, im a passenger, guy gets out and opens the door, i go to the trailer, i have very soft, feminine hands. Stephen beautiful hands. Thank you. He rides into the site on a motorcycle. Stephen hugh laurie . The guy from house. Hes built the motorcycle from something out of used car parts, like ford vs. Ferrari, and while im washing my delicate hands you hear him playing music and recording an album for the masses. Stephen and his american accent is better than yours. 100 better than man laughter stephen what is avenue 5 . Ive seen a couple of clips, science fiction, but whats actually happening . So the show takes place 40 years in the future. Its sort of lord in the flies by way of gilligans island. Are you excited yet . cheers and applause and basically its about society in a bubble and the breakdown of everything that happens once you lose all to have the social norms youre used to. So things go terribly wrong. The show begins essentially in act three of the titanic and gets progressively worse from there is that and who are you . Im josh gad. Im your gust tonight. laughter stephen okay. Okay. Im sorry im not hugh laurie. Stephen in avenue 5 who are you . A captain, passenger, what are you . No. You should have watched the show before we did this interview tonight. laughter stephen i did, but im feigning ignorance to allow you to answer one and pardon my french bleep question. laughter cheers and applause fair enough touchee stephen business. This feels more like show work. Stephen yes. I play a guy called herman jud. Stephen yeah, i dont care anymore. laughter ive missed you so much stephen why dont we show the clip . Set up the clip. Youre herman jud. Basically this guys a make sure of everybody from Elizabeth Holmes to Billy Mcfarland who created the fire festival. Stephen hes a fraud . A bit of a fraud. Stephen billionaire. Billionaire fraud. Take a look. Stephen jim. 21 degrees, its like, what, less than half a right angle. How can that make us three years late . Billie . Me. Okay. So we were going this way, and now were going this way. You see how my hands are moving far apart . Mmhmm. And its further in reality, obviously. Obviously, if its obvious, right . See . No, no, thats wrong. Thats not right. It is right. S it right . Yeah. No. It would be a straight line. No. No. What . Yes. Okay, whos tension near here . Whos the genius . cheers and applause stephen now, ive got to ask yes. Stephen you why the hair . What is the hair . Are you doing Richard Branson . Its a beautiful mane. Thank you very much. I read a story about Elizabeth Holmes who created thernos and she wore mock turtlenecks every day to get people to believe she was heir apparent of steve jobs. I sought a future version of elizabeth would be a guy who would go to the hair dresser and say give me the Richard Branson and that essentially was the choice of hair. Stephen this is the worst travel nightmare. Am i giving anything away when i say it was supposed to be a trip that lasts weeks but ends up lasting years because they get offcourse. Yes. Stephen what is your worst travel nightmare . My honeymoon. audience reacts stephen oh. That came out wrong. We went to italy. Her family is in italy. We had to go stay with her parents and stare at them with her parents sister. We call her aunt. Stephen on your honeymoon you went and stayed with family . With family. So in italy they dont have something called air conditioning. Just really hot. It was in august. Im a big guy and i sweat a lot, so i was, like, we cant do this and she says, well, we dont have any options. And i said why . She said, because in italy, you dont tell people youre leaving. I just say, you say it in italian and it will work. She said, no, its rude. So she came up with an excuse im allergicking to the house or something. We go to a h tell, whose air conditioning breaks, and they dont know what a queen bed is so they put two twins bed together. We proceed to make sexy time and i fall through no, that never happened. laughter suffice it to say, we were exercising on the bed. I fall through the cracks. Im, like, im done with italy, can we go to france . She goes, yes, we can go to france. So then her cousin is like, i go to france, too stephen you had a chaperone. We had a chaperone. And he goes, dontabookthe fancy flight, the delta, no, no, do ryan air. I said, okay, i dont know what ryan air is. Yeah, yeah, one step ahead of me. laughter so flight is 100 bucks. As a jew, i like that number. Im, like, great. Heres the problem, though. They go, your bags, they way too much. I said, well, whats the solution . They say, 2,000 euro. 2,000 euro for my bags which arent human beings. It costs me less to travel to italy for my honeymoon, which was awful. Stephen sure. And thats the end to have the story. applause stephen it was lovely to see you, josh. I love you. laughter stephen you love me this is so sudden. Later. Lets go to commercial break. laughter okay. piano riff that was very tender. Thank you. Thank you. I feel bad because you were offering intimacy and im all business. Yeah i felt like you were pushing away but then it felt like there was an opening. Did i read it right . Stephen no, youre not wrong. Oh, good. Stephen i send mixed signals to my guests all the time. laughter this feels like my honeymoon all over again. Stephen avenue 5 premieres sunday night on hbo. Josh gad, everybody well be right back with tamron hall. cheers and applause band playing ed 3 is yeah, you know the happiest place on earth, but. Did you know this is where you can harness your inner jedi . And tear around radiator springs . Or get your flex on with the incredibles. Kids enjoy the magic for just 67 per child per day, with a 3day 1park per day ticket. Stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest tonight is a journalist and former cohost of the today show. She now hosts her own talk show. Please welcome tamron hall cheers and applause band playing hi stephen hello. Hello. Stephen nice to meet you. I dont think weve met before. I think ive just watched you on tv so much. Weve not met. We have been in a couple of the same rooms and i would always, like, lurk around, terrified to say hello, and now im here. Stephen i dont bite. I know, hi i feel creepy now, right . Stephen well, youve done something very ambitious. You not only have a new talk show yeah. Stephen you have a new husband yeah. Stephen a new baby. Yeah. Stephen so new job, new marriage, new child. Those are some of the three biggest stressors. Why am i not in bed . Stephen you decided to clump it together all at once. How do you handle the stress . Everything is so massive, that i dont know which makes me exhausted. So i look at the baby and i cant say you suck the life from me, child because i go to work at 5 00 in the morning and theres a talk show with my name on it and i go, is that why im so stress . Then i look at my new husband and i said, who are you, dude . Stephen hes built to take it. You have to do the show because youre committed, the baby wont understand the guilt until its older. What age . Stephen four. O i have four years of no guilt. Stephen plenty of guilt but you cant give it to the baby till he or she can understand whats going on. Its a he. His name is moses. Stephen wow. I set the standard high for him. Stephen or he should stay away from baskets near reeds. laughter there you go out you go good luck with the pharaoh, buddy laughter monday was the first time you interviewed Oprah Winfrey. That can be intimidated. You want to appear smart. I kept looking at notes all day. With oprah, you think, okay, im in the presence of a prophet. My sons name is moses. So ive got some things on my side. But i met her when i was 26 years old in chicago, i was a local news reporter, and she was, by then, oprah. And she invited me to this party the launch of her own magazine. So that was my closest real interaction. Then i guess it was saturday i got an invitation to interview her and i had four days of pure anxiety, like nervousness, dry mouth, you maim name it, i had it. Stephen is this the party . This picture, like i said, i was 26, 27 years old. I get this invitation. We are inviting you to the launch of the Oprah Winfrey magazine. Im from a small down, luling, texas. My father is a farmer. I thought, they dont mean me. I thought, i dont care if this was sent by mistake, im still going. We had the crank kodak cameras back then. Im 49, so this is in my generation, as they say. Im with my girlfriend and i said were going to go and we have one chance to get a picture with oprah. I need you to be prepared and stand ready. Because if you get this wrong, it will be bad for you. So we crank it and we get one chance. Youve got to crank it, youre locked and loaded. Im 26. I didnt have any money and i got seduced by oprahs food spread. When i came in, there were shrimp big as both of us, of course and salad bar and meat and free drinks and its oprahs party and shes nowhere to be found. I said lets load up on food and when oprah comes out, well meet and greet her. I had a big plate, my friend had a big plate. The camera was under her arm, and all of a sudden im holding, and a true story, tap, tap, hi, tamron. Its oprah. I just had taken a bite of shrimp. I drop the plate. This is the photo. Im, like, go laughter applause stephen now, let me ask you something, you have been working in tv since the 1990s, sometime in there. Yeah. Stephen how did you the first get on camera . What was your break . My first big break came i went to Temple University oh, shout out, philadelphia. applause i met burt watson, who happened to be the manager for joe frazier, the legendary stephen smokin joe. Random occurrence. I said, listen, they tell you, dont give away your shot when the door opens, kick it in. I thought, heres my shot. I want to be a journalist. I know some people who know people because thats how people in philly talk, and they helped me get my first job as a camera operator. They said you will russian opere camera outside and cover sports. Im from texas. Its 3,000 below zero in philadelphia. I never felt cold like. This my hands would be cold and they would be like camera two and they said youre joe fraziers friend. And i said, what else have you got . I said, you cant fire me, what else do you have . And they said well put you on the side lines and you will report. And i covered la crosse, field hockey, soccer. None of the sports exist in texas but i learned them in philadelphia and i became a Sports Correspondent and that was my start. cheers and applause stephen well, congratulations on the new show. Thank you stephen check your local listings to see when tamron hall airs in your city. Tamron hall, everybody back with a performance by tiana major9 and earthgang. Back with a performance by tiana major9 and earthgang. Stick around the pain that keeps you up again, and again. Advil pm silences pain, and you sleep the whole night. Advil pm my moderate to severe i ulcerative colitis. Ing but i realized something was missing. Me. The thought of my symptoms returning was keeping me from being there for the people and things i love most. So, i talked to my doctor and learned humira can help get, and keep, uc under control when other medications havent worked well enough. And it helps people achieve control that lasts so you could experience few or no symptoms. 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Stephen performing collide from the soundtrack for the film queen slim, with some help from jon batiste and stay human, please welcome tiana major9 and earthgang cheers and applause everybodys got opinions on our thing say were flying down a path with no ending and if i die before i wake ooh dont let me wake up from this dream when we collide when we collide its a beautiful disaster when i crash into you, you, you crash into you, you ive been so frustrated have to let it out have to let it out let me tell you with my body what im talking bout let me tell you let me tell you, oh and i dont care about the future or the past i dont care, i dont care no, no riding slow, cause you know the worlds moving too fast when we collide when we collide its a beautiful disaster when i crash into you, you, you crash into you, you, you without you im just a fraction closing in on my demise and i love you religiously with everything inside of me as long as im as long as im alive when we collide when we collide its a beautiful disaster when i crash into you, you, you crash into you, you, you when we collide when we collide its a beautiful disaster when i crash into you you, you crash into you, you, you cheers and applause we bet you know this place. You know, the happiest place on earth, but. Have you flown the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy . Or channeled your inner jedi . You gotta love that. Have you raced through radiator springs . Or struck a power pose with them . Now is the perfect time to feel like this. And this. And definitely that. Kids enjoy the magic for just 67 per child per day, with a 3day 1park per day ticket. Stephen well, thats it for the late show, everybody. Now stick around for james corden. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs capt ned by media cess group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry where it is you come from itll be all right its the late late show