Kush a butter crust, six inches of dheez and sauce. We also have a large selection of water pipes. Da bongs. Come on down to potilos for chicago style wacky to backy come to patilos on south pol ascii its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight remember impeachment . Plus, stephen welcomes Rose Byrne Bobby Cannavale jamie oliver and comedian kate willett. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause odonnell come on, welcome hey, jon happy tuesday. Very nice. Very nice. Thanks, everybody welcome, one and all, to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause its just our second show of 2020. And so far, were not doing too well on the new years resolution of dont go to war weve been waiting on pins and needles to see how iran would respond. Its like our country has sent an impulsive latenight text, and now were starring at those three little dots. This morning, a top Iranian Security official revealed the countries that drawn up 13 scenarios to retaliate also known as an ayatollahs dozen. U. S. Officials are reportedly concerned that iran could try to strike a highlevel american leader. Well, i dont know who the equivalent of soleimani would be in the United States. Who would it have to be . It would have to be a wellknown military leader who is a National Symbol of security and stability. Oh, my god its the general get out of there, sir trump isnt real happy about iran not being real happy with him, and he showed that today when he met with the Prime Minister of greece for a very grumpy episode of chair chat stephen trump was asked about his decision to take out soleimani, and he had no regrets. He was traveling with the head of hezbollah. They were not there to discuss a vacation. They were not there to go to a nice resort someplace in baghdad. Stephen as trump and thats why we blew him up, because he wasnt staying at one of my hotels. laughter applause after getting criticized for threatening to attack irans cultural sites, trump walked it back. Kind of sort of. They are allowed to kill our people. They are allowed to maim our people. They are allowed to blow up everything that we have, and there is nothing that stops them, and we are, according to various laws, supposed to be very careful with their cultural heritage. And you know what . If that is what the law is, i like to obey the law. as trump i like to obey the law, just ask Paul Manafort or michael cohen. If they ever get out of federal prison, they will vouch for me. Those two guys theyre gonna, theyre gonna. With the greek Prime Minister sitting beside him, trump also praised americans of greek heritage. We have a tremendous greek population, over three Million People, as i understand it. Thats fantastic. I really feel i know most of them. I think i know all of them, come to think of it. Stephen as trump i know everyone from greece rizzo. Frenchy. Danny zuko. Tell me more tell me more did you get very far . Tell me more tell me more like, does he have a car . Uhhuh, uhhuh uhhuh, uhhuh laughter cheers and applause come on, man. Get into it stephen so things are bad with iran, but dont worry, things are also bad with iraq. On sunday, Iraqs Parliament voted to expel american troops. So iraq said, get out. And the pentagon was like. Okay. Evidently, because yesterday we found out the Defense Department sent iraq a letter saying they were repositioning our forces for movement out of iraq. But almost immediately after the release of that letter, our top general said the letter suggesting the u. S. Would withdraw from iraq was a mistake. Oopsatroopsy the paying says the copy of the ensigned letter leaked to the press was a draft. It was never sent as a formal memorandum. You cant send someone a letter of that magnitude and then say it doesnt mean anything. Its like saying, honey, that breakup email was from my drafts folder. Now, as i was saying, with this ring, i thee wed. While the middle east is getting headlines, there are quickie smaller movies you may have missed. For instance, the president of the United States was impeached. Remember that . cheers and applause that was last decade, last decade. Stephen so last decade. We thought impeachment was all wed be talking about in the new year. We even made this graphic 2020 impeachapalooza the only story that matters nothing can top it starring general Qassem Soleimani still alive swing and a miss there have been major gementdz ill tell you all about them in tonights don and the giant impeach. Im not worried. Im not worried. Stephen now, when we left for the holidays, the house had just impeached donald trump. As soon as that was over, Senate Republicans were rarin to get the articles of impeachment so they could whip through their trial, no witnesses, no evidence, no eye contact, no kissing cash is on the dresser. Lock the door on your way out. But then, then nancy pelosi decided to withhold the articles of impeachment from the senate until Mitch Mcconnell agreed on parameters of a trial that she views as fair. Hell, yeah, shes got mcconnell shes got mcconnell shes got him by the sack. Which, looking at mcconnell could be anywhere on his body. Hes got spares. Hes got spares. So what outrageous demands does nancy have for the trial . Well, first up, witnesses. And theres a chance she might actually get one, because we got an update from former National Security advisor and the pringles mans cruel, distant father, john bolton. No son of mine is going to throw his life away on canned snacking but once you popped, you just couldnt stop, could you, junior . bolton was at the center of the ukraine scandal and famously called trumps decision to withhold aid in exchange for political favors a drug deal. Yes, a drug deal. This is like breaking bad except there was no walter, and everybody is white. Now, back during the house impeachment hearings, investigators wanted bolton to testify, and he said nuhuh. But yesterday, he put out this statement if the Senate Issues a subpoena for my testimony, i am prepared to testify. Oh, how courageous to volunteer for something we all know is never going to happen. as bolton also, if Leonardo Dicaprio issues a subpoena to a caribbean sex party, i am prepared to arrive via cocainepowered hovercraft. laughter weve got a great show for you tonight. Rose byrne and Bobby Cannavale are here. But when we return, fieanwle o. Stick around judge judge judge judge judge. Stephen yeah, you know the happiest place on earth, but. Did you know this is where you can harness your inner jedi . And tear around radiator springs . Or get your flex on with the incredibles. Kids enjoy the magic for just 67 per child per day, with a 3day 1park per day ticket. band playing band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, give it up for jon batiste and stay human, everybody cheers and applause stephen jon, jon, my friend, jon, my friend, tonight weve got superstar couple, brilliant actors, recognize byrne and boab can valuey. We know them by their superstar couple name. Jon whats that . Whats that . Stephen robbie byrneavalle. Thats what im going for. Whos tomorrow . Who do we have . Larry david. Larry david is here tomorrow. Jon curb your enthusiasm. Stephen curb your enthusiasm, larry david. You know, folks, i spend a lot of time over there, carefully tending and pruning the days big stories to create the beautiful bonzai tree that is my monologue. But sometimes i like to wander into the woods, gather up some twigs and dried mud flakes, add a few pine cones, top it off with some loose woodchips, and lay out the dusty potpourri bowl of news that is my segment. Meanwhile cheers and applause stephen magic its magic its a magic carpet, is what it is. Meanwhile, the internet is abuzz over the latest hijinks from tesla c. E. O. And man asking whos ready for some street magic . Elon musk. At the ceremony to open a new tesla plant in china, the spacex founder launched his booty rocket to planet dance. Wow, that is terrible. Thank goodness elon had the good sense to quit while he was okay, theres more . Okay, all right, all right. cheers stephen thats how rich i want to be. laughter i want the kind of cash that makes me dance like that, and my first thought is, give them more. Meanwhile, according to a new study, eating chilies cuts the risk of death from heart attack and stroke. Now, that is welcome news you hear that, dr. Eichler . You keep telling me to stop going to chilis, but turns out their loaded boneless wings are the only thing keeping me alive. applause meanwhile, police say that bed bugs were intentionally released into a pennsylvania walmart. Either that, or even bed bugs cant resist an 8 dvd player. laughter meanwhile, weed became legal in illinois as of the new year, and marijuana shops sold more than 10. 8 million worth of recreational weed in the first five days of sales. applause or to put that in terms that stoners will understand you know Rick Wakemans organ solo in roundabout . That much weed. laughter meanwhile, a new startup wants to help Companies Cut down on long bathroom breaks with a toilet that Developers Say will make people want to leave after five minutes. Oh, our workplace already has a device that makes you want to leave the bathroom. His name is jeff. laughter consider a salad, jeff. This new toilet makes using them uncomfortable with a seat that is sloped forward by about 13 degrees to increase strain on the legs. The company will target offices, as they believe cutting down on the length of employee bathroom breaks would dramatically improve productivity. Oh, yes, nothing makes productivity soar like telling your employees, youre pooping too long, so were spending thousands of dollars on torture toilets. Also, this meeting counts as daves retirement party. All the best, dave. Meanwhile, retail giant pier 1 is closing half of its stores. Oh, no now where will we go to get. These things. laughter theyre wickerman droppings . Twinecreatures gonads . Help me out. I dont know what they are. Meanwhile, bonnaroo announced their 2020 lineup today, and it includes some big names like tame impala and lizzo, plus lesser known acts like flume, too many zoos, kursa, hesh and slowthai, as well as applejack, morse code, baldpate, fathorn, and crone. Also, i started saying random words several bands ago. laughter and even though we tried to make up just nonsense, it turns out there is a band called crone from northern germany, and fathorn is an actual race horse in florida. Both, by the way, will be at bonnaroo. Well be right back with rose byrne and Bobby Cannavale. applause condoms. True. Dont hatelike their trip, book yours with hotels. Com and get rewarded basically everywhere. Hotels. Com. Be there. Do that. Get rewarded. whistling with the capital one okay, i venture card,omething. You earn unlimited double miles on every purchase, every day. Not just on airline purchases. Just think about the miles you could earn on things like, gifts. Should i continue . No, i want to hear this. Or a rental tux with a handsome cummerbund. Double miles on all of it. Holy matrimony thats a lot of miles ahem. Anyone else . Speak now. One more thing, whats in your wallet . only tylenol® rapid release gels have laser drilled holes. They release medicine fast, for fast pain relief. Tylenol®. And my lack of impulse control, is about to become your problem. Ahh no, come on. I saw you eating poop earlier. Hey my focus is on the road, and thats saving me cash with drivewise. Whos the dummy now . Whoof whoof so get allstate where good drivers save 40 for avoiding mayhem, like me. Sorry hes a baby when you never lower your standards, only your fares, its a better class of sale. Emirates. Fly better band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back hey, everybody, welcome back ladies and gentlemen, my first guests tonight are talented actors. You know her from damages, bridesmaids, and like a boss. You know him from boardwalk empire, will grace, and the irishman. They now star in medea at the Brooklyn Academy of music. Please welcome rose byrne and Bobby Cannavale applause stephen thank you. Thank you for being here. Nice to see you. Now, weve had both of you on the show and had a lovely time talking to you but weve never talked to you at the same time. Have you ever been interviewed together at the same time on a talk show. No. No. Cant wait. Stephen were going to get into some issues tonight, okay. If at any time bobby says anything you dont like, i want you to express to bobby. He needs to hear. Im definitely going to do that. What is the fee . Stephen the fee . For the therapy . Stephen 400 an hour. I dont know, is couples double . Is couples therapy double . I wouldnt know. How has your new years been so far . Do you have any resolutions of your own . We had a pretty sick house. Everybody went down. So everybody went down pretty hard. Stephen and you have two kids, right . Two kids. Stephen whats the age on these kids . 2 and 4. Stephen they are disease vectors. How are you ever how are you ever not sick with two kids. I had a 104 fever on new years eve. Stephen who needs alcohol . Youre just hallucinating at that point. That was fun. We watched roadhouse. Stephen you watched roadhouse the patrick swazeys 1980s film. Wesley great film. Stephen we will cut this out out eventually. But i i auditioned. I was a young actor. I dont know what part of roadhouse i was supposed to be in. But i got called in. Yeah. Wow. Stephen whats the least likely thing you have ever been called in to audition for . Some anything that jumps out at you, like i dont know why theyre call me for this, but ill go . Like fast and furious, rose. You fighting vin diesel. Starship troopers. Remember that movie. Stephen yes, great movie. And the whole audition was just screaming, bug stephen and you didnt and i didnt get tyeah. And it was a preread. It wasnt even for the director. Stephen what is it like now, youre on stage together at bam doing medea. Before we get to that particular modern greek tragedy, what is it like to be working together and to be home together . Are there tensions at home that show up on stage . Like, whos i mean, maybe, but we dont really think about it so much. And, you know, the kids, they just dont care that were doing a play. So you come home, you cant bring anything home with you, because the kids just they want to eat, you know, or they want to stephen sure. Play. Stephen and 2 and 4. 2 and 4. Stephen are they both boys . Yeah, yeah. Stephen so the fouryearold must rule. Are you exhausted, a little tired . Im outnumbered. Yeah, the energy is a lot. Stephen does the fouryearold rule the twoyearold. We call the twoyearold seal team 6 because hes crazy and hes a killer. The first one, you know, rocco, is very sensitive, and hes always singing and dancing. The little one is just tough. Hes just laughter . Stephen so what does he do to him . The fouryearold has to tower over him. Recently we were in toronto, and were moving back, coming back to new york, and we have a big moving box, and rocco got into it. He wanted to play in the box so bad, and he wouldnt let the little guy in. And he was like, i want to go in. And he said, no. So he grabbed him by the hair, pulled him down with the box, pulled him out by the hair, crawled in, and did this until the box stood up again. And then yououldim because he was in there. But he was just laughing. And the fouryearold was crying. And it was great. Stephen wow. laughter . Stephen yeah, its always beautiful. Its always beautiful. Parenthood is very beautiful. We hear them talking about us in the room. Stephen oh, really. In the morning, before we come in. We just hear them. Stephen like what . You know, the fouryearold humans the twoyearold out of the sleep sack so he can climb out of the crib. He pulls him out. Stephen whats a sleep sack . Its like a straitjacket for babies so they dont get out stephen like a sleeping bag. It covers their legs so they cant put the leg over the thing. Stephen new technology from when my kids were small. Just, dada, mama. Stephen that sounds scary. Im like, this is my house. It sounds like theyre upset about something, like theyre conspiring. Stephen well, its good to know youre not in control of the situation. Not at all. Stephen bring you know, youre both tv and movie stars, and youre both professionally beautiful people. I can say that. Bring your bring yourselves down to earth for me. Whats dorkiest thing you guys do . Well, we go to bed pretty early. Very early. Thats pretty dorky. What else do we do. Stephen how early is early . 9 45. Stephen like, you wish you were asleep right now. Like,ip dont know how im going to do a play. I got up at 4 45 this morning with the guys, which was unusual, and i got enough sleep. Stephen wow. Like, that early. Stephen so you went to bed at 8 00. Like, 9 30 last night. Wooo Stephen Hollywood glamour. Its not a crime, though, is it . Its not a crime. Stephen no, theres absolutely nothing wrong with that. Probably very good for you. No, not a crime. Stephen im sorry i asked. I struck a nerve, obviously. Okay, so talk to me about the reimagining a modern reimagining of medea, by euripides. Its a dark tragedy. Medea is a witch in the original one, and shes a foreigner who jason goes and meets on one of the adventurure shes a goddess. Jason was a mortal, and she was a goddess with godly powers. cheers and applause . Stephen she helped him get the Golden Fleece and stuff like that. Stephen so are you a god snes are you . How is it updated . Well, in this version, its we play a couple, and were both scientists, and ive been responsible my character has been responsible for a lot of his success, all of his success, really. And applause right. But as in the original, you know, she doesnt get any credit for it at all. Stephen right. In the original jason leaves her. Jason leaves her, has an affair with the younger woman, and takes the children away from her. Right. Stephen and shes not happy. It doesnt end well. Stephen will no, no. Its a lot like bridesmaids. Its super funny. Stephen you have a new movie like a boss, with Tiffany Haddish. Haddish. Tif, i love tiff. Stephen i know Tiffany Haddish is a little sweet on me. Shes told me on here. I dont talk to selma very much. Does she ever ask about me . Im just curious. Uh, no. Stephen whats the movie about . What are you doing with Tiffany Haddish . Tiffany and i play best friends for years who have a little business together that is failing and we get a duplicitous woman with money who is successful to save us but she has other plans. Stephen and thats selma hayek. She plays the bad guy. Its a female relationship, all the love stories and whatnot that you usually see are on the periphery. Its a lot of fun. And tiffany is hysterical. Shes unpredictable and unbelievable. Stephen to quote her, she is ready at all times. Shes definitely ready. She is ready. Stephen shed be a good medea as well. I thought about her a few times during this, because of her power. Shes an incredibly powerful person in presence, yeah. Shes a lot of fun. Stephen when does the show open at bam . We start previews this sunday, and the official Opening Night is january 30, thursday night, january 30. Stephen i look forward to the tragedy and the terror and the madness. Its very funny along the way. Stephen very funny along the way . Yeah, yeah, it takes a turn, but its fun up until that moment when she kills. Stephen spoiler alert. It doesnt end well for the kids. Another the original. This one, who knows what happens. Who knows . Stephen exactly. Tyler perry comes out. laughter stephen i spent 10 minutes not making that joke. Thank you very much. You can see medea at the Brooklyn Academy of music starting january 12, and like a boss hits theaters this friday. Rose byrne and Bobby Cannavale, everybody coming up ill be cooking with mr. Jamie oliver. Its all about the veg. Stick around. For that many calories you could have 9 veggie chips. These are more chip than veggie. While v8 is a snack you can veg out on. V8 the original Plant Powered drink. Veg up. The worlds most spellbinding journey. Will take its wildest turn yet. Prepare to face the forbidden forest and join hagrid to encounter. The rarest of magical creatures. In the epic new addition to the Wizarding World of harry potter™. Only at universal orlando resort. Stay at an amazing universal hotel with rooms starting from 79 dollars plus tax per night. Restrictions apply. paul sprint has great news really great news amily. You can get both an unlimited plan. sprintern . And the powerful new iphone 11 paul . Included for just 35 a month when you switch. sprintern whoa. What a deal. paul and, sprint has a 100 total satisfaction guarantee. While i think their network and savings are great, you dont just have to take my word for it. Try it out and see the savings for yourself. So, take it to 11, with iphone 11 at sprint for people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. Or more on car insurance. S could save you fifteen percent Everybody Knows that. Well, did you know pinocchio was a bad motivational speaker . I look around this room and i see nothing but untapped potential. You have potential. You haveoh boy. Geico. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the late show, the late show kitchen. My next guest is a worldrenowned chef and author of the new cookbook ultimate veg. Please welcome, jamie oliver jamie, thank you so much for being here. Lovely to see you. Before we get to the recipes, before we get to the recipes, or we get to the book ultimate veg, you were here last january. And i wanted to ask you about your new years resolution. I want to ask you about last years. What was it . Imented to climb mount kilimanjaro. Stephen how did it go . I did research into it, and i realized its too much work. Its, like, nine days, dude. Stephen theres no escort. I wont be doing that. Stephen what about this year . This year is to get back into some drumming, brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stephen you drum . I used to drum a lot back in the day. Stephen did you have a band . Yes. Stephen what was the name . Scarlet division. Stephen did you guys know krone, fathorn . A few, few. Stephen the book is called ultimate veg. Okay. There you go. applause and i assume that is named for the state i get into after eating a chicken parp. What is for you the ultimate veg . The ultimate veg for me there is no ultimate veg. I love meat, but i think everyone is talking if you want to save if you want something good for your health, good for your wallet, and good for the planet, the veg you have in a week whether youre a meaty or not is a good thing. And what i wanted to do in this book is prove to you that you can delicious meegz mooelz that are not are a celebration, not a comiseration. Stephen lets veg it up. Are these vegan. Were going veggie here and veggie over there. If you want to make it vegan, its kind of easy. This is a mushroom stroganoff. This is a fourminute dish. Stephen like a beef stroganoff, but no meat. Mushrooms are incredible. Theyve got amazing flavor. Stephen i love mushrooms. Technically, though, they are not vegetables. laughter theyre not. Theyre not vegetables. Okay, okay. Theres the animal kingdom, the planet kingdom, and then the fungi. And you are a fungi as well. Stephen you are what you eat. You definitely are what you eat. Stephen why is there liquor here . Were going to flame this bad boy. Stephen thats vegan. 12minute cook, 12 minutes. Stephen 12 minutes. Dry frying gives a real nuttiness. Once youve kind of given the mushrooms a little bit of cooking, then we can add the oil at this stage. Nice so now what were going to do is get the olive oil in. Youll hear it change sound. Now is starts to caramelize. We have nuttiness, caramelization, then we go in garlic some capers, gherkins, little silverskinned pickle onions. We give a nice tossaround youre very good at that. Well give the parsley. How was your new years . Stephen it was fantastic. I was asleep by 11 00 with a breathe right on. Well give it a little toss. Put the liquor in now, my friend. A bit more. Bit more. Stephen whoa come oits nice. Come obig boy. Dont be scared. Come on, you can do this. Come on dont are scared come on stephen i i my hand was still in there, maestro there you go. This is a very expensive suit. Its good, dont worry. We let it flame. When it flames you cook the alcohol away. You get the flavor of the beautiful whiskey or bourbon. Well season with salt and pepper and absolutely take it up a notch, as emril would say. We have a little bit of cayenne. Give it a nice little toss. And then well go in with parsley like that. Have a little taste. Use your finger. Its okay. Stephen no use your finger. Are you going to say its not hygienic . Stephen no, its really bleep hot laughter yeah, okay. So were going to go in with some fluffy rice. Were just checking seasoning at the moment, big boy. Okay. Are you all right . applause cheers stephen that is really good. That is really good. Have a little think about that seasoning. Im really happy with that. So im going for a spoon. Stephen all right, all right. This is the first dish, a lovely mushroom strove nof. Four minutes for the mushroom, 12 minutes for the rice. Have you got times for that . Ill turn that off. It goes over here. Stephen you did not actually touch a button. It was like by the way, did you know i was in star wars. I was a storm trooper. Yeah Stephen Stephen in which one . In the latest one, of course. J. J. Abrahams, thank you very much for that. Stephen its abrams by the way, not abrahams. J. J. Br u were in the movie, sure. Hes my buddy. Garlic olive oil chili. Were doing an angry bean salad, warm salad. Stephen what makes the beans hot . The chili. Stephen i hate when the flakes get in your eyes. Which ones . Stephen the. Fair enough. Thats a joke so dirty, i didnt get it. Thats all right. Theyll cut it out. We have the lovely cooked beans, a sauce with chili, and then what were going to do is hit that with vinegar to turn it from a sauce into a dressing. And then well finish with that with some beautiful mozzarella, and what i wanted to do in this book was bring dishes together breakfast, lunches, brunches, onepan monders. Stephen this is angry beans. What makes jamie oliver angry . Well, honestly. My teenagers. They drive up the bleep wall. Stephen really . They steal my stuff. They never put it back. Theyre meade. They think they think that im really boring and embarrassing. And as you can see im not. Am i embarrassing . applause no. I mean, do embarrassing dads make angry bean salad . No, they dont. Do they flame lovely mushroom stroganoff . No there you go. Stephen that is fantastic. Would anyone like any of this . cheers and applause of course stephen here we go. Lovely. Stephen lets do it stephen ladies and gentlemen, the man is jamie oliver. The book is ultimate veg. Its available now. Well be right back applause if you listen to the political debate in this country, it sounds like we have a failed society. But nothing could be further from the truth. Americans are compassionate and hardworking. We arent failing. Our politicians are failing. Thats why im running for president. To end the corporate takeover of the government. And give more power to the american people. Thats how well win healthcare, fair wages, and clean air and water as a right. Im tom steyer and i approve this message. Find your breaking point, then break it. Every emergenc gives you a potent blend of nutrients. So, you can emerge your best, with emergenc. Gnocchis. S. Raviolis. And them smokeys. Curry. Fried turkey. Cacciatori. Chimichurri. Berry. Mcflurry. mcdonalds half stack. Taco pack. Lobster mac. And them baby back baby backs. We are americas kitchen. Doordash. Every flavor welcome. I dont have to worry about that, do i . Harmful bacteria lurk just below the gum line. Crest gum detoxify, voted product of the year. It works below the gum line to neutralize harmful plaque bacteria and help reverse early gum damage. Gum detoxify, from crest. Aveeno® with prebiotic striple oat complex balances skins microbiome. So skin looks like this and you feel like this. Aveeno® skin relief. Get skin healthy™ trumpand total disaster. Mplete let obamacare implode. Nurse these wild attacks on healthcare hurt the patients i care for. Ive been a nurse in new york for thirty years. I know the difference leadership can make because i saw what Mike Bloomberg did as mayor. Vo mayor bloomberg helped lower the number of uninsured by 40 , covering 700,000 more new yorkers, Life Expectancy increased. He helped expand Health Coverage to 200,000 more kids and upgraded pediatric care infant mortality rates dropped to record lows. And as mayor, Mike Bloomberg always championed Reproductive Health for women. So when you hear Mike Bloomberg on health care. Mrb this is america. We can certainly afford to make sure that everybody that needs to see a doctor can see a doctor, everybody that needs medicines to stay healthy can get those medicines. Nurse you should know, he did it as mayor, hell get it done as president. Mrb im Mike Bloomberg and i approve this message. applause fights my cold symptoms g. New mucinex nigt so i can sleep great and wake up human. Dont eat me i taste terrible. Fight your worst symptoms so you can sleep great and wake up human. New mucinex nightshift cold and flu. And i like to question your im yoevery move. N law. Like this left turn. 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So get covered today. cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a standup comedian making her Network Television debut. Please welcome to the late show kate willett. applause hey hey, everybody im really excited to be here. So, ive been trying to stop dating immature guys. I moved to the top of a hill so that it would be harder to skateboard up there. laughter i was hooking up with this one guy for a little while, maybe, like, six years. laughter during that time, he would tell me not to get emotional. But then he would also constantly confide in me about how his dad left when he was a little boy. And i tried to be supportive, but around year four of that, i just really started to see why the dad took off. laughter i think that shaming promiscuous women is a very big problem in our culture, and a lot of it is coming from my mom. laughter shell say things like, kate, i think its really sad that women your age hook up with these loser guys who just leave. And im like, mom, i think its a lot better than the days when women hooked up with loser guys who just stayed. laughter applause now a crappy guy, you know he only wants you for one thing. But back in my moms day, they also wanted you to do dishes. laughter people used to get married way too young. If i got married when i was 20 like my mom did, i would be married to a dude right now, because at some point he just had weed. laughter on the up side, like, wed save money on the wedding because hes absolutely already be a d. J. laughter but im very glad that things have changed. If this was 40 years ago, i would not be doing standup right now. I would probably be married to some kind of deadbeat, alcoholic dude, and im not because i was lucky enough to be born in a time where most deadbeat alcoholic dudes are not really looking to commit. laughter and i know that because i have tried really hard. laughter comedy is not my first maledominated industry. I used to work in tech in an office that was just me and 20 guys. The Sexual Harassment policy was just, hey, everybody, please leave kate alone. laughter i wrote it. laughter and now because a lot of people are not used to the idea of a female comedian, i will get trolled by these weird men who live in basements, and before you get mad at me, i just want to say that im sure that there are also some really great guys who live in basements. laughter hashtag not all basement men. Look, some of them do not hate women. They just hate windows. Butted dudes who are trolling me are very misogynistic. Theyll say things like, women just want to take half your stuff. And im like, bro, there are way easier ways to get half a bag of doritos. laughter some of the guys who troll me are incels, which is short for involuntary celibate. These are men no one wants to have sex with them, and they complain about it in internet forums, which, to be honest with you, i have also done. laughter when i was in high school, i had a very hard time coming out as bisexual to anyone except for these lesbians in an online chat room. So i would go in there and be like, hey, im a 15yearold bisexual girl, and im super horny. And then they would just be like, get out of here, you disgusting old man. laughter applause so i went and read some incel Message Boards and the theme is, no one likes me. No one wants to hang out with me. People cannot even stand being around me, so it sounds like the problem is, obviously, women. laughter and their idea for a solution is to make it illegal for women to have sex with more than one man in our lifetime so that we will be redistributed. laughter no matter how sexually frustrated i have ever been, i have never thought about trying to solve it through a legislative process. laughter applause thank you so much stephen her podcast is called reply guys and is available on itunes. Kate willett, everybody well right back. We bet you know this place. You know, the happiest place on earth, but. Have you flown the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy . Or channeled your inner jedi . You gotta love that. Have you raced through radiator springs . Or struck a power pose with them . Now is the perfect time to feel like this. And this. And definitely that. Kids enjoy the magic for just 67 per child per day, with a 3day 1park per day ticket. Stephen thats it for the late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guest will be larry david. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from inside the smallest css