Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240713

Aaahhh good grief announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, a house decided. Plus stephen welcomes Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause theme song playing stephen hey there cheers and applause wh jon get it all the way stephen welcome one and all. Happy halloween to everybody welcome to the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Now cheers and applause this is momentous. Jon oh, yeah. Stephen today is momentous, jon. Not every day can we say that we as a people have witnessed history. But today is truly an historic day in washington, because the nationals won the world series cheers and applause thats right. Despite the game being on the road, National Fans gathered in their home ballpark to celebrate, including this guy i think this is huge for d. C. D. C. Needed this. We got some bleep in the bleep white house right now. Oh, oh, ohhh, no, no, no. Stephen as reporter oh, oh, ohhh, no, no, no. cheers and applause good for you yeah jon oh, my goodness stephen what did this reporter think was going to happen . Shes interviewing drunk fans. Did she expect a cogent response . as drunk guy while im happy, this victory is somewhat tarnished by theouog over this great nation. If we accept the lowering of constitutional standards, america will cease to be a shining beacon of liberty. Now, if youll excuse me, i have to go puke in a storm drain go nats go vomiting Whoo Whoo Whoo jon he let it all out. He couldnt hold it. Stephen whoo laughter of course, that fellow in the lovemaking white house might not be there much longer because today, the house voted to formalize the impeachment inquiry. cheers and applause yeah. Its raining. The rain it raineth every day. cheers and applause now that means were one step closer to getting trump out of the white house and sending him home to new york cit oh. audience reacts quick quick somebody lock the lincoln tunnel and turn out the lights everybody on the floor were not home laughter the resolution was led by House Speaker nancy pelosi, who is my guest tonight. cheers and applause piano riff we should have tonights show sent to the smithsonian, yeah, national treasures, right between abe lincolns hat and Ben Franklins codpiece. Just put it right in. The vote took place on halloween, which is why were calling tonights episode nancy peghostys Haunted House screampeachment sinquiry into the president s quid pro crow with bookraine stephen Whoo Whoo Whoo whoo whoo spooky the resolution passed by a vote of 232 to 196 with zero republican votes. booing now, are they just complaining about process with those votes, or are they really so lacking any honor that they are willing to publicly state that blackmailing a Foreign Government to interfere in our election is okay . Yes, yes. Very clear, yes. Stephen quick follow up. Quick follow up the titanic just hit an iceberg. The captain is saying, it was a perfect iceberg, now we can all make slurpees for everyone, and hes asking you all to handcuff yourself to the portside rail and swallow the keys. Are you all willing to do that . Yes, yes. Very clear, yes. Stephen good to know. Now, while debating the resolution, both sides used visual aids, so you could easily tell whose side they were on. Congressman Steve Scalises poster was there to underline his central message. This is unprecedented. Its not only unprecedented, this is sovietstyle rules. Stephen ah, yes, the classic sovietstyle rules for impeaching their leaders. Remember, stalin was in power only 30 years when he was impeached by dying. laughter jon thats right. Stephen the vote today also did not sit well with republican congressman and man who learned to smile from a series of still pictures, devon nunes. Nunes thinks he knows whats fueling adam schiff and the democrats. What were seeing among democrats on the intelligence committees down in the sciff right now is like a cult. These are a group of people loyally following their leader as he bounces from one outlandish Conspiracy Theory to another. Stephen really . Wow. That is the pot saying the kettle was born in kenya. laughter piano riff the resolution cheers and applause the resolution lays out the rules for the inquiry moving forward, the big one being that it now allows for the participation of the president and his counsel. Oh, please be rudy, please be rudy, please be rudy, please. cheers and applause or the president. Hes allowed. The president is allowed, under these rules, is allowed to be there for the hearings. Can you imagine President Trump being in the room . as trump objection i am not that boys father laughter im sorry, what am i accused of today . Im sorry. Im sorry, eric. laughter now, after the vote was over, the National Republican Congressional Committee thought theyd use the opportunity for a wacky little political prank, so they sent some democrats moving boxes. You know, because youre going to have to move out of your offices because of this vote. But because the boxes looked like suspicious packages, Capitol Police were called to investigate. laughter guys, pranks should be original and clever. Youve got to think outside the box. You just thought box. laughter now, all these g. O. P. Congress men have a small problem other than being on the terror watch list now. Its whats the word evidence. We keep getting more and more of it. Today, we learned that right after trump hung up his perfect phone call, one person listening in, Lieutenant Colonel alexander vindman, filed a complaint with a white house lawyer. That lawyer saw the threat, sprung into action, and hid the transcript on a classified server. And its a coverup tell him what hes won. Hes won an allyoucantelevise impeachment hearing a trial in the worldfamous Capital Building and, a free helicopter ride out of washington, on marine one. Marine one ride away in shame in style cheers and applause now thank you. Thank you. That second time is always a good one. piano riff this secret server the transcript got stuffed into is known as nice, which stands for n. S. C. Intelligence collaboration environment. You cant make the first letter of an acronym represent another acronym. laughter thats what i call favs. Which stands for fubar, and, very, stupid. laughter applause piano riff acronym. Ive got to do acronym later. I gotcha. I gotcha. Getting impeached is stressful, so, on tuesday, trump blew off a little steam at a private fundraiser, where House Republicans who raked in the most money got a little extra reward a roast from president donald trump. Now, it may not sound that fun, but it brought in way more cash than stephen millers kissing booth. laughter in particular hell unhinge his jaw, swallow your whole head. laughter in particular, trump singled out representative steve scalise, who as you might recall, was shot at a congressional softball game a couple of years back. So, ripe for roasting. Trump told a story about scalises wife, who he said, cried her eyes out when i met her at the hospital that fateful day. I mean, not many wives would react that way to tragedy. I know mine wouldnt. laughter cheers and applause as trump its a joke, guys. Just a joke. Everybody calm down. The joke is my wife hates my guts. Were in a totally loveless marriage. Shed leave me but shes afraid id deport her. Women, am i right . Take my wife, please. Oh wait, shes not here. laughter jon wow. Stephen even even even even trumps true love has turned on him now. Im talking, of course, about twitter. laughter yesterday, twitters c. E. O. Jack dorsey announced that the site would ban all political ads, explaining cheers and applause piano riff stephen explaining they presented challenges to civic discourse. To which twitter responded, our civic discourse is fine, you cuck. laughter piano riff twitters announcement was really a jab at one man facebook founder mark zuckerberg. Lately, zuck has been on the defensive because facebook will still allow politicians to run any claims, even false ones. audience reacts yeah. Jon wow. Stephen which explains Amy Klobuchars new ad, vote for me, i can fly weve got a great show for you tonight. Speaker nancy pelosi is my guest. But when we return, meanwhile stick around. cheers and applause band playing paul the holidays at sprint are truly a magical time. sprintern speaking of magic, i turned my iphone 6s into the new iphone 11. paul its true, trade in an iphone 6s or newer in any condition and youll get the powerful new iphone 11 for just 0 a month when you switch to sprint. sprintern yeah, an iphone 6s for an iphone 11. Or trade in your beloved iphone 7, trusty iphone 8, amazing iphone x. paul . Take them all to 11. sprintern see, i told you, magic. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com repeat after me. Hi am grateful. Audience i am grateful. I am getting all the gifts this holiday. 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Get skin healthy™ now were hosting. Okay. so now your mom is off gluten. Oh. cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody give it up for jon batiste and stay human jon, im liking the glasses. I like the turtleneck and jacket and glasses. Jon got to roll with it. Its halloween. Stephen are you in costume . Jon composite character, ron andre 3,000 and ron battiste my twin i just found out about. Stephen you know who i have coming up in a minute, nancy pelosi is going to be right here. cheers and applause heres the thing, this is what we call in the business an exclusive. Today was the vote to formalize the impeachment, open up the hearings. Shes been nowhere, done nothing, this is it, straight from there right to the seat. cheers and applause the questions are right here. Do you know what i smell . Jon whats that . Stephen history. Folks,nd lot ome er t grapes into the velvety cabernet that is my monologue. But sometimes, i like to tromp let hethr three days, then serve you t bathtub gin of news that is my segment meanwhile cheers and applause stephen its good for what ails you. Itll cure you. Meanwhile, mcdonalds portugal has pulled an ad which uses the words sundae bloody sundae to promote a halloween dessert. Bloody sunday, of course, refers to a day in the 1970s on which british soldiers killed 14 unarmed irish protestors during the troubles. You scream, i scream, we all scream. laughter its almost as bad as when ruby tuesdays had to apologize for their happy hour trail of beers ence rcts and for dessert, tia audience reacts see, people, the person youre supposed to be doing that to is mcdonalds because they started this whole thing. Im just doing jokes off something they did and i meanwhile laughter hundreds of new emojis have just been released by the governing body of emojis the unicode consortium. Sorry, i said that incorrectly. Its actually pronounced. deep voice effect the unicode consortium. There is only one code. The unicode. And you will adhere to the code. Have fun. laughter the new emojis are focused on diversity, and for the first time ever, theyve added gender neutral emojis. Which will make it much easier to text someone phrases like my grandpa is deeply confused by the new gender neutral emojis. laughter this is great, but i just want to go on record to say, all emojis are gender neutral. They dont show any of the bits and pieces. Except this one. laughter meanwhile, in a major shakeup for college sports, for the first time ever, the n. C. A. A. Will permit athletes to be compensated for their names, images and likenesses. cheers and applause yeah. Hell, yes jon about time. Stephen which is great news for everyone except dukes starting point guard, anonymous q. Pixelface. laughter meanwhile. In maritime news, a woman who stood on a ships railing for a selfie was barred for life from a cruise line. Do you know how out of control you have to be to get banned from a cruise . laughter thats a vacation for people who are already on the nofly list. laughter and everyone ought to know better by now anyway. This isnt the first time a cruise passenger has gotten dangerously close to the rails. Jim . Excuse me please step back from the railing. Im flying guys . Im serious. Okay, thats it this will be your last trip on the titanic. Youre going to be really sorry laughter stephen meanwhile. laughter it was a long time ago jon it was. Stephen meanwhile, americas pile of uneaten bacon is the biggest in 48 years. How could this happen . Americas favorite food is pile. laughter tell you what. Just fry it all up. Somebodys going to eat it. Well be right back with nancy pelosi. cheers and applause band playing al m without the lactose. So you can enjoy it even if youre sensitive. Yet some say it isnt real milk. I guess those cows must actually be big dogs. 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Please welcome Speaker Nancy Pelosi cheers and applause band playing band playing cheers and applause stephen madam speaker, thank you for being here today. I know youve had a busy one. laughter this is truly an historic day. Thank you for making time to be on our silly show. cheers and applause well, it is a busy day. Stephen it is. But i wanted to thank you for your patriotism, i really am, because this cheers and applause stephen oh, thank you very much. This is a sad thing for our country. We do this prayerfully, with great seriousness. Nobody goes to congress to impeach a president. And youve had your fun with the policy and the personality and the rest stephen sure. And thats about the election. The patriotism, the constitution, is really what impeachment is about. So i welcome the opportunity to take us to, again, where you have been, but in, shall we say, a little different vein. Stephen yes, a slightly different vein. applause so the house voted today. Are we done . Is the president impeached . No. No, but thank you for asking. What happened today was a continuation of our inquiry that we have, but to set forth the rules of procedure for how we go forward now, spelling out the president s rights, due process for him, how the majority and the minority will have equal time to question witnesses and the rest. Its about fairness. Because, as i said, this is about the constitution and how we go forward with this. And no decision has been made to impeach, thats what the inquiry is about, but how we go forward is a test for us to do so worthy of the constitution, worthy of our founders sacrifice when they established this constitution. cheers and applause stephen as you said as you said, and you have said before, this is this is a sad occasion, in a way, because you dont want to have to take these steps. The reason why people do get happy, and why you hear the applause sometimes, is because people want to know that actions have consequences. cheers and applause and there have been so few consequences for this president , when hes admitting on the white house lawn the crimes that he has been willing to do in order to help himself. Well, i think whats important, the most important thing for the American People to realize and understand is no one is above the law. cheers and applause not the president of the United States, or not. In the earlier stage of our revolution, thomas payne wrote, the times have found us. Here they were, they declared independence, they fought a war, they established a country, they wrote a constitution that was to free them from a monarchy and to establish a democracy. A republic, as you know from history, when, september 17, 1787, was the day that the constitution was adopted. On that day, when Benjamin Franklin walked out of independence hall, they said, what do we have, mr. Franklin, a monarchy or a republic . He said, a republic, if we can keep it. Anre at cstitution hr equal branches of government, a check and balance on each other, separation of powers, not a, re. That very same day, september 17, this year, was the day the news broke about that telephone call and that went right to the heart of our constitution. Stephen what was your when you first heard that telephone call, when you first heard what was said on that telephone call, what was your first reaction . What were the first words that came out of your mouth . And we can bleep them if need be. I prayed for the United States of america, really, because this is its very sad. We dont want to impeach a president , we dont want the reality that a president has done something that is in violation of the constitution. But it was more about so much had happened before, and i had not been, shall we say, enthusiastic about the divisiveness that would incur from an impeachment, weighing the equities. I had said then hes not worth impeaching because its only going to divide the country further than he has already divided it. But this is something that you could not ignore. In one conversation, he undermined our National Security by withholding military assistance to a country that had been voted on by the congress of the United States to the benefit of the russians. At the same time, he jeopardized the integrity of our elections, the heart of our democracy. And, in doing so, in my view, he possibly violated his oath of office to protect, defend, and preserve the constitution of the United States. Stephen do you have any doubt . Because you say possibly. cheers and applause what what is the shred of doubt for you there . Because if you are extorting a Foreign Government in order to investigate your political rivals, what doubt is there that hes trying to undermine and tamper with our elections using a foreign power . Well, some people believe that this is one of the investigations where the smoking gun came out first, and that call was a smoking gun. Stephen right. In all fairness, to give people the opportunity to prove their innocence, whatever, whats the interpretation of this or that, and on the other hand, have corroboration of what happened, we have the inquiry, and we will have the public hearings coming up soon. Stephen it seems like its like an investigation truly in reverse, in that we found the guy with the bloody knife in his hand and the dead body. Now, the investigation is defined if enough people care. Well, and thats part of the thats part of this. When i went out to formalize the inquiry, the inquiry has been going on for a very long time, but a week after that, september 17, was the morning the president called about how perfect the phone call was, and my view was that it was perfectly wrong laughter cheers and applause but heres the thing to remember, they make a big thing of saying, well, if it was so wrong, why would the president put out the notes from the meeting . It was a whistleblower. We would have never known about this absent the whistleblower coming forward, and then they put some of the notes forward, some of what was on the call. But the fact is that, before that announcement, the public was against moving forward, 59 to 34. Stephen i actually was against it. Yeah. Stephen i had said many times on the show i dont think impeachment is the right thing, i think it lets the American People off too easy, i think the president himself has to be rejected by the voters or else his followers will feel like it was stolen from them. But when it became tampering with our election by using a foreign power, which is very on brand for him laughter it undermines the idea that you have to wait for the election if hes willing to undermine the election using a foreign power. Well, as i say, there are many and you have amused us all, as i say, with your patriotic approach to calling it making people aware. In the midst of all of this, while you take it from your point of view, and i have to have a serious approach to it. Doesnt mean im not amused by some of what you do. laughter applause stephen yes, yes, thank you. What happened on that september 17, and the week later with the telephone call, and then our announcement later that day, was that it had clarity. So many of the things, obstruction of justice, abuse of power. Stephen other people were doing this for him, did he ask them or not . All that. This had clarity and the polls immediately changed on it. Now, this for me has nothing to do with politics. People said you didnt want to do it because you would jeopardize some of your members. Had nothing to do with politics, nothing to do with partisanship, its only about patriotism and thats why i thank you for your patriotism, because it is a civics lesson people have to know you cant do this. This genius of the constitution is three separate, coequal branches of government, and he said, article 2 were article 1, the legislative branch, the first branch of government. He said article 2 says i can do whatever i want. Anng he wants. If he had only read the constitution, the federalist papers and the rest, they did not want a monarchy, they did not want a unitarian government where one person called all the shots, overturned action of congress in terms of military assistance to a country, you know, all of those kinds of things. So this is about the constitution. So what we are defending is our democracy. This isnt about his personality, his policies, his laughter cheers and applause stephen i have a theory. I have a theory that they released the transcript of the phone call, such as it is, because were learning theres more transcript it wasnt a transcript, it was notes. Stephen notes, they released the notes, because they couldnt see how it would play. Ey just thought, l c ayoneewot with the influit country, not a big deal. I think he lacks the empathy to understand how people can perceive his corruption. Well, youre being very gentle. cheers and applause stephen well, how about this . How about this . Hes really dumb. laughter no, no, you said he lacks the empathy to understand that that was wrong. Stephen no, that people would see it as wrong. See it as wrong. But i think integrity is the word that this is about. applause what is the integrity of it . But again, thomas payne said the times have found us. They found our founders to fight the war, establish the constitution, and franklin said, a republic, if we can keep it. And we have the responsibility to keep the republic. cheers and applause stephen you keep i know youre clearly a big fan of thomas payne. Im a fan of gandalf, who in the lord of the rings, when frodo said i wish i had never lived in such times, he said, so do all people who live to see such times. But thats not for you to decide. All for you to decide is what to do with the time that is given you. There you are. Stephen yeah, gandalf, one of the founding fathers. applause we have to take a brief break. Please stay here, you stay there. Well be right back with Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Please dont go away. Hbut Mike Bloomberg became thele clasguy whoho mdid good. After building a business that created thousands of jobs he took charge of a city still reeling from 9 11 a threeterm mayor who helped bring it back from the ashes bringing jobs and thousands of Affordable Housing units with it. After witnessing the terrible toll of gun violence. He helped create a movement to protect families across america. And stood up to the coal lobby and this administration to protect this planet from climate change. And now, hes taking on. Him. To rebuild a country and restore faith in the dream that defines us. Where the wealthy will pay more in taxes and the middle class get their fair share. Everyone without Health Insurance can get it and everyone who likes theirs keep it. And where jobs wont just help you get by, but get ahead. And on all those things Mike Blomberg intends to make good. Jobs creator. Leader. Problem solver. Mike bloomberg for president. Im Mike Bloomberg and i approve this message. O ozempic® oh oh announcer people with type 2 diabetes are excited about the potential of onceweekly ozempic®. In a study with ozempic®, a majority of adults lowered their blood sugar and reached an a1c of less than 7 and mained i you loset. Eir blood sugar and reached an a1c in ul up12nds. Oh up to 12 p announcer a twoyear study showed that ozempic® does not increase the risk of major cardiovascular events like heart attack, stroke, or death. Oh no increased risk . announcer ozempic® should not be the first medicine for treating diabetes, or for people with type 1 diabetes or diabetic ketoacidosis. Do not share needles or pens. Dont reuse needles. Do not take ozempic® if you have a personal or Family History of medullary thyroid cancer, multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2, or if you are allergic to ozempic®. 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Is it because gates wouldnt invite you to his pizza party . Why did you do it . Because i like my own brand of pizza. We didnt have a vote to formalize the inquiry. The vote that we took today was to present the rules of impeachment. Stephen its already started, this is how its going to happen . It has been in effect a long time. The constitution gives the house of representatives that power, that authority, and i would not have a vote because it would in some way imply that you need it to have a vote. No, it is there, it exists by authority of the constitution. And to back that up, just even last week, we had a Court Decision which said that that was the case. But this was not it recognizes an inquiry is going on. But to go forward we want to have clarity about how transparent it would be how public the hearings would be, how fair it would be to the president , and thats what happened today. You would have thought that the republicans would all vote for it, because it gave them more rights than we ever received in any of the other impeachment proceedings. Stephen none of the republicans voted for it. And back in march you said you would go forward if it was bipartisan. No Stephen Kevin mccarthy said whats changed about that . No, i didnt say i would go forward if it was bipartisan, i said i would hope that it would be bipartisan, but if theyre not going to honor their oath of office to protect and defend the constitution of the United States, i cannot be held up by that, whether its in the house or in the senate. cheers and applause stephen lets talk about theres a lot of talk about due process and as you said you laid out what the rules will be, what the processes will be. Could it be just about anything . Because we had Hillary Clinton on here a couple of months ago. And she said, oh, there are no rules, you can kind of make it up as you go. Could you just do red rover, red rover with half of the democrats on one side and the republicans on the other and see how many will come running across . Its not likely we will do that. laughter stephen but its possible. No. In the presentation of it, there will be a definition of what the purpose of this is, and, so i think the public will again the Public Interest in this is, of course, heightened by your focus on it in such a, shall we say, perceptive way over all this time. But now, really, it is down to the constitution of the United States. Because you might be unhappy with the president because of his cowardice to fight the gun industry, to have gun violence prevention. This is a bullet, thats made to remember all the people who have died from gun violence. This is an obsession that i have, were not going away till we pass this. In fact, the morning that the president called me about the phone call, he started off by saying, im calling to give you a report on all the progress were making on the background check legislation, which i still havent seen what the progress is, but he knew that that would get my attention early in the morning. Stephen right. And then he moved on to how perfect the call was. laughter so weve had so much legislation that we have sent over. Gun violence prevention, background check legislation, supported by 85, 90 of the American People. Stephen what are we not hearing about because all the oxygen in the room is being sucked up by impeachment . Whats so strange about it is leader in the Senate Mitch Mcconnell whom you acknowledged earlier, he laughter stephen yes, i did acknowledge him. laughter he has said that he is the grim reaper. Imagine describing yourself as a legislator as the grim reaper, that everything we send over there will die in the senate. Then in the next breath, he says, all they do is impeach. Well, weve sent him scores of bills, scores of bills, and they have been about gun violence prevention for young people, Climate Action now, Net Neutrality for women, ending the violence against women, the violence against women act, equal pay for equal work, raising minimum wage for two thirds of the people getting a raise from that will be women. Whether were talking about protecting our dreamers, in terms of our promise act in that regard. Our equality act ending discrimination against the l. G. B. T. Q. Community, just to name a few things that we have sent over. cheers and applause but the list goes on and on. And, by the way, all of them very popular in the public. So were not looking for a fight. We were looking for bringing people together, which i think is our responsibility. Stephen we have to take one more break. Sorry about that. But if you will stick around, well be right back with more nancy pelosi, everybody. 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Could you have them at 9 00 in the morning and have all the footage come in by, say, 2 00 so we can edit it for our show . laughter stephen please. But recognizing the seriousness of it, theres probably no more serious vote that members could take. Nobody comes to congress to impeach a president. Thats not our purpose. Our purpose is to go there, work together, competition of ideas, to get the best result for the American People. And so when we have to do this, i trust the work of the committee, and i would be hard put to say, as you plan the schedule, think about editing for the nightly shows, but laughter stephen say my name, Stephen Colbert, because that might have some weight. Its the number one show. cheers and applause im not saying do it for kimmel. Im saying do it for colbert. All right, ill give it a try. applause no, seriously, this is about the truth. Its about the truth and the constitution, and their schedule will relate to that, and, hopefully, it will be compatible. Stephen im saying its still true in the morning, if it was true at night. Just please find the truth in the morning. laughter last question, madam speaker. Now, every republican has rolled the bones, that you dont have enough to impeach the president. No, no, no, no. Stephen theyve all voted against her and said shes got nothing, they dont have what it takes to impeach the president. Are you looking at Kevin Mccarthy and the rest of the republicans and saying, do you feel lucky, punk . laughter heres the thing about this, again, its about the constitution. Its about the constitution. We take an oath to protect and defend the constitution of the United States, what those people fought for, and thank god they made it amenable so we could expand freedom over time. And its about three coequal branches of government. Were honoring our oath of office, were there to strengthen the institution which we serve, and if they dont want to do that, thats their problem. But its interesting because they have been talking process, process, process because they know they cant really go near the substance issue. applause stephen if youve got the goods on President Trump, or if the constitution has the goods on President Trump, to put it in your vernacular, its already a rough political landscape. Are you prepared for how rough its going to get . Because you know the guys not going to go easy. laughter no, well stephen can you street fight . laughter i got this beautiful honor last night. The l. B. J. Award. When i was accepting it, i told two stories, and one of them is ill be quick one of them was, what advice would you give people who want to run for office . And i told them they have to have their vision, and their knowledge, and Strategic Thinking and connection to the aspirations of their constituents, but i said this is not for the faint of heart. So if you want to go into the arena, you have to be prepared to take a punch. But you also have to be prepared to throw a punch for the children, for the children cheers and applause piano riff stephen throw a punch for the children. For the children stephen madam speaker, thank you so much for being here on this momentous day. Good luck to the constitution. There we are. Stephen House Speaker nancy pelosi, everybody well be right back cheers and applause you know when youre at ross and you realize its time your sister stopped borrowing your sweaters . Yeah thats yes for less. Stop stealing mine. Hoday gifts everyones sure to loves. At 20 to 60 percent off Department Store prices. At ross. Yes for less. At 20 to 60 percent off[ electrical buzzing ]es. [ dramatic music ] ahhhh ahhhh elliott . Elliott. You came back and you realize you are the the hostess with the mostest. You know when youre at ross yes yeah thats yes for less. Entertain in style all season long. It feels even better when you find it for lessat ross. Yes for less. Stephen now stick around for james corden. Good night fake news, nancy laughter fake news gotcha captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry where it is you come from itll be all right its the late late show reggie ladies and gentlemen,