Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240713

The pino is underwhelming. Coppolas dracula gave me nightmares because it was awful. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight tugowarren. Plus, stephen welcomes eddie murphy and the pioneer woman ree drummond. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hi nice to see you cheers and applause stephen hey cheers and applause oooh cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody how are you . Welcome, welcome one and all, to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Its friday cheers and applause listen to that, jon. That can only be one thing. Thats a friday crowd right there, that is. cheers and applause absolutely. Accept no substitutes. It is friday and trump is thanking god that it is. Because hes had a rough week. The impeachment inquiry has been so damning, trump needed his House Republican buddies to barge into the classified testimony to try to shut it down. When they finally do make the testimony public, hell have to send those guys to every americans house to block their tvs. There are 18 democrats vying to remove trump from office the oldfashioned way. Ill tell you all about it in tonights doin it donkey style. Genderneutral bathrooms stephen tonight, its a solemn dstyle, because we just a little less d. Namely, ohio representative and man who released a dove that flew directly into a jet engine, tim ryan. That really paints a picture. That really paints a picture. Yesterday, ryan issued this announcement im announcing today that im withdrawing from the president ial campaign. I got into this race in april to really give voice to the forgotten people of our country. Stephen and i can think of no better voice to represent the forgotten people of america than. Help me out here. Was it. Ryan jimmies . Chad Michael Murray . Its three names. Well, now that congressman chad is gone, lets remove him from our giant cluster of democratic candidates. And. It looks like we forgot to put him in there. I dont see him. cheers and applause can we just jam him in there some place, jim. Thank you great. Now lets take him away. applause i think i huffed him. laughter in the money race, wall streets democratic donors have warned the party that if they nominate elizabeth warren, theyll sit out or back trump. So if you cant have exactly what you want, youll take the worst thing you can imagine. Worst thing there is. Were ordering pizza . Sweet. I want pepperoni. And if you order mushroom, im going to hit myself in the nards with a ballpeen hammer. I doll it i will do it dont make me why are these finance democrats so opposed to warren . Well, one wall street douchewig put it this way warren is an unapologetic populist who would reduce corporate earnings to benefit other stakeholders. Which stakeholders . Workers, the environment, those with lower incomes, and finally, women and minorities. Boo what about what about innocent corporate earnings . Think of poor dowager jones and little timmy nasdaq. laughter theyre going to be forced to spend christmas with their secondfavorite coke dealer. Do you not remember the words of jesus . If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give it all to the stock market. Were gonna make some sweet coin. Suck it, meek cheers and applause suck it, meek applause paraphrasing. Paraphrasing. Jon translation. Its a translation stephen one big donkey donor whos not afraid of warren is former Goldman Sachs partner and neal patrick hairless, michael novogratz. Mr. Novogratz was interviewed by bloomberg on friday, and he took the opportunity to chide his fellow money buddies youre not victims. Youre the richest people in the world. How in gods name do you feel like a victim . To which rich people responded, well, if im not gods victim, then how do you explain the name of my yacht . laughter and warrens not the only candidate giving voters some cold feet. According to the New York Times, many establishment democrats are asking, is there anybody else . No tim ryan had to drop out because we didnt have enough podiums you have so many options, and youre asking for more . Thats like showing up for thanksgiving dinner and asking for a fivefoot party sub no your mother worked really hard on this meal. She learned how to stuff a hickenlooper. laughter and aside from the primarys frontrunners, other candidates are struggling to stay in the news, like former maryland congressman and hank hills neighbor from king of the hill, john delaney. applause really good. Really good. This week, delaneys Campaign Announced a promotion where donors will be entered into a contest to win a seat next to delaney at the fourth game of the world series. Which, thats great. Thats a really positive way to reframe the fact that nobody wanted to go to the world series with john delaney. In a press release, delaney wrote, something you may not know about me is that im a big baseball fan. Thanks, john. Another thing i dont know about you. laughter is anything. laughter applause so sorry laughter and other democratic contenders got in on the game, like montanas steve bullock, who tweeted, it aint the world series, but if you come to the cross town game in helena this weekend, ill buy you a coke. Adding, and if you can tell the difference between me and michael bennet, ill buy you a car. laughter theres another Trump Administration tellall book coming out, this time from the author of that New York Times oped piece from 2018 titled, i am part of the resistance administration, by anonymous. I dont know. How can we trust this anonymous guy . In the only other book he wrote, he admits hes an alcoholic. The book is called. laughter stroker. The book is called a warning. Hey, anonymous, isnt it a little late for a warning . laughter thats like saying an iceberg after jack and rose are already clinging to that door in the middle of the ocean. Also, do we need another white house tellall . Weve already got fear, devils bargain, fire and fury, unhinged, and team of vipers. Those are just the ones already published. Next year theyre publishing horror, dismay, the end of america, apocalypse, really bad stuff, and elevator fart. cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Such good guests. Stick around thud crash grunting whistle play it cool and escape heartburn fast with tums chewy bites cooling sensation. Tum tututum tums [ turn around, look a there is someone walking behind you turn around look at me there is someone look at me the pain and swelling. The psoriasis. Cosentyx treats more than just the joint pain of active psoriatic arthritis. It even helps stop further joint damage. 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Yes for less. band playing cheers and applause Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody. Give it up for the band right there cheers and applause stephen jon, my first guest tonight is a giant, a legend and a legendary giant. Please welcome eddie murphy applause cheers and applause applause cheers and applause thank you. Stephen thanks for being on. Nice to see you. Thats a nice, warm, new york welcome. Stephen it is. applause stephen welcome back to the ed sullivan theater. I know you havent been here in about eight years. And its still freezing here. Stephen comedy weather. Comedy weather. So cold. Stephen what was the first talk show you were on back in the day, when you first sort of hit . The first real, Real Talk Show . Sphen like a latenight talk show. You were on johnny, i assume. The tonight show. Stephen what was it like going on that show . How old were you at the time . I was 20. Stephen wow yeah. laughter stephen thats thats young. I was really young. Back then, that was the ultimate to get on the tonight show. Glvment sure. Yeah, that was a great moment. Stephen yeah. How did they make you prepare . Was it like you have to have three stories and they would be looking over you like hawks. They just said, dont wear anything white. Back then you couldnt wear a white siewpt because it would do a weird thing to the camera, some kind of effect, so you couldnt wear anything white. Thats what they said. Stephen do you remember what you wore . I had a blue suit on with a tie and white shirt. I was kind of almost what you have on. laughter stephen its in honor of your first appearance on carson. We looked it up. We looked it up. laughter well, you were so young, as we were saying, 20 years old, when you hit super stardom. 19 when you were hired for s. N. L. Auditioned at 18. Stephen and got there at 19. I think theyre retroactively really happy for young you to have gotten that gig. Did it freak you out at all because thats really young . You exploded right away. You were the breakout star, you and piscopo in the cast from 8085 . No, i was only on two and a half, three years. Stephen 80 to 83. Did that overwhelm you in any way . You became enormous right away . I was young and you know when youre young you take everything for granted. Now when i look back on it, i was like wow. Back then i was like, yeah, its supposed to be like this, right . I thought thats how it was. Stephen how long had you already been gigging before you did that . I started when i was 15. Stephen and what were those clubs like . At 15 were they serving liquor in there. Bar s. Stephen did you have to lie about your age so they would let you perform . Yeah, i would say i was 18, take my mothers little mascara thing, give me a little mustache. Stephen brush it in. And i had my sunglasses on, and i said i was 18. Stephen because older people wear sunglass at night . Thats just the way i was thinking. I was really young. Law laugh. Stephen from your Vantage Point now if you could go back and talk to that 18, 19yearold what, advice would you give him . Thats so much stuff. That person back then wouldnt have listened to anything i had to say. Stephen thats actually thats probably true. He did not listen to advice. Stephen thats probably true. I have a friend, an old priest, a friend of my fathers, and i said, harry, i wish i could talk to my dad, because i was in my 20s, get some advice sm. And he said, well, if it makes you feel any better, you probably wouldnt listen. Yeah. Stephen what would you tell him that you wouldnt listen to . You see you try to avoid the question and i just i dont do a lot of stephen im doing my job now. I dont give a lot of advice. Everybody has a different path to, you know, take. So i dont give a lot of advice. To the young comics i wont be giving advice. Stephen how about old comics . Would you give old comics advice . Just keep doing what youre doing, stephen. Stephen youre a natural kid. Newer a natural best. Stephen here is somebody who did not hit right away, did not explode at 19, Rudy Ray Moore who you play in your new movie dolemite is my name. Did not get famous until he got older. I know who Rudy Ray Moore is. You do . I do. Thats good. Stephen its a little bit complicated who he swho dole might is and what he did with the movie. Explain to the people who Rudy Ray Moore was. Rudy ray moore was this underground comedian back in the 70s and he did a really, really, really xrated adult humor. And he like i said he was underground and he developed this cult following of people. And he made these movies. He financed his movies himself, and he did these comedy records and financed himself. It was like he couldnt get in in the 70s there was a little period called the black exploreitation area where he was doing different times of movies and he couldnt get in with them. They were like, we dont want to work with you. And he had to go backdoor and get his own stuff made. And he became like a little hero of my. He was like this guerrilla filmmaker from the 70s. Stephen this is a famous album cover of his. Im going to show this to the audience yeah, you cant show that on tv. laughter . Stephen there is, literally, we have been told that every single bit of this is going to have to be blurred. Like, the entire album has to be blurred. You know it, but hes not stephen thats what i said. Yeah. Stephen lets show them what were talking about. This is what this was his album. laughter and im saying you cant see anything over here, and you cant really see anything over here. You know what . Thats the tame album cover. He has some album covers that would make me blush. laughter and thats hard. To make me blush. Stephen did you ever meet him . Yeah, i met him a few times. I approached him. I went up to him i saw him at i went to see him a couple of different times. I saw him on a place on ventura boulevard where i had an idea to make a movie 15, 16 years ago, and he had no interest making a movie. Lets go on tour together. He wanted to tour. Stephen why did you want to make this film . Why do you think people what did you want to tell people about this guy . Well, like i said, hes an inspiration. First and foremost, hes very, very funny. His movies started off, like if you watch a Rudy Ray Moore movie. They started off kind of stoner pictures. They were the kind of movies people would smoke, and then they would, like, look, and say, hey, look what he just said. Or hed throw a punch and miss by a lot in the punch, or the microphone, and you could see the microphone come in the shot. So it was stuff like that. And thats what made everybody start watching him initially. Then i started doing comedy myself. And started seeing him a whole different way. Then when i got into movies, it was like then i found out how he made his movies, he became an inspirational figure to me. Like i said, hes a guerrilla filmmaker. Stephen we have a clip right here. You can explain whats going on in this clip . Its and you keeganmichael key. Who i think is the writer of the movie . Yes. In the movie. Stephen in the movie hes the writer of dolemites movie. Were seeing where right now, i can chop me. Stephen okay. laughter its selfexplanatory. Jim. We want this thing to be raw, tell it like it is on the streets. Lots of pimps and cussing and kung fu, karate. Brothers love all the kung fu and karate. You know karate . No, but i can learn. You know what we should have . A allgirl kung fu army. You know, theres plenty of story opportunity, rudy. Across this nation, inner cities are being plagued by violent crime. I feel government hasnt stepped up. Thats it, its whiteys fault. The mayor is corrupt, and theres an exoricism. Damn it, an exoricism. I dont know how that fits into our urban motif. laughter applause stephen he seems like a good producer. Hes got his fing oarpt pulse of the audience there. He is a dude that believed in himself, you know. And when he couldnt get in, he went the back door, and he, like like he went and got somebody to write it, and he went and paid out of his own pocket and he got it made. And were making a movie about his life now. And it just hes a guy his story is inspirational. Because he didnt have all the stuff that usually youre dreaming about show business youve got some special talent or look or something. He didnt have any of those things. Hes this regularlooking guy. His comedy is super crude. His records are super crude. Its like, you believe in this . Yeah, i believe in this. Thats what his talent was. Thats the most important thing is believing in your stuff. If you believe in it, whatever it is, thats the most important ingredient. Stephen maybe thats the advice you could give to the 19yearold self because you just gave advice to everybody. You just gave advice. Thats what i would say to me. Stephen we have to take a break, but dont go anywhere, well be right back with more mr. Eddie murphy, everybody. Stick around. Im your cat. Ever since you brought me home, that day. Ive been plotting to destroy you. Sizing you up. Calculating your every move. You think this is love . This is a billion years of tiger dna just ready to pounce. And if you have the wrong Home Insurance coverage, you could be coughing up the cash for this. So get astate and be better protected from mayhem, like meow. So get astate and be better protected from mayhem, shes staying in a rainforest tree house . Thats my dream. You dream big for a man on a plane to omaha. And shes zip lining with little jon . What its lil jon. Even he knows that. Thanks, captain obvious. Youre with big jon. Im steve. Dont hatelike their trip, book yours with hotels. Com and get rewarded basically everywhere. Hotels. Com. Be there. Do that. Get rewarded. With an incredible camera featuring night sight. paul the google pixel 4 has arrived at sprint its now so powerful it lets you capture the stars. So switch and lease a pixel 4 and get the second one for 0 mo. Wow for people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. 3 after trying it for a week, dovlike crystal. Ials underarms are so smooth to the touch and i love that fresh smell i feel amazingly protected im definitely feeling more confident would you switch . Performance comes in lots of flavors. dramatic orchestra theres the ampedup, overtuned, feedingfrenzyof sheetmetalkind. And then theres performance that just leaves you feeling better as a result. Thats the kind lincolns about. only tylenol® rapid release gels have laser drilled holes. They release medicine fast, for fast pain relief. Tylenol®. applause . Stephen hey, everybody, were back here with eddie murphy now then, mr. Murphy, you might be talking to this guy soon. Because you, of course, also famous can you show that picture . Stephen we might have to blur this picture. Youre right. That is you. applause what year is this . What year is this . I dont know. Stephen a long time ago. I have no idea. Stephen people have been clamoring for you to go do stup again. I understand one of them was barack obama. Obama, yeah, i got this mark twaib prize, when i saw him in the white house, the first thing he asked me was, when are you going to do stup again . laughter maybe its time to do stup again. Stephen did you do your obama cheers and applause did you do your obama for obama . Oh, no. I dont really know if i do a good obama. You know what we talked about . He talked about my hair. He was like, how come your hair he said, what kind of rinse are you using . You dont have any gray hairs. Im about two, three months older than obama. He was like, that doesnt make me feel any better. Its a great picture i have of me talking to him in the white house and were, like, talking and it looks like were having this thing. And at that moment hes going, so what kind of rinse do you use . laughter i dont have a rinse. Stephen thats real. Thats real. Thats not a rinse. I get gray hair in my mustache and my nose of all places, but my hair is all black. Stephen what kind of rinse do you use in your nose, afrin. I just cut it out. Stephen youre hosting s. N. L. Yes, yes stephen this december . Christmas. applause first time the first time in 35 years. In 35 years you. Stephen have not hosted in 35 years. I have not been back there in 35 years. applause stephen we we have that in common. You havent been back. Stephen i have not hosted in 35 years. Can we expect some of your old characters. Are we going to see gumby or buckwheat . I would imagine. Stephen mr. Robinsons neighborhood. Do you miss do you miss do you ever do any of these voices on your own . Do you just break them out. I dont mis, no, but im looking forward to going back and doing that stuff. I hope its funny. No, you you want the show to be to be really funny if you go back, and you want it to really be good. So im looking forward to it. Stephen yeah. laughter that will be another bit of advice to give your 19yearold self. You want the show to be really funny. No, he wanted stuff to be funny all the time, too. I always, you know, wanted to be funny, as funny as it can be. S. N. L. Its like, you know, thats such a big part of who i am, you know. If i go back, you dont want to go back after 35 years and the show is like, ah, it was all right. You know. Stephen was there any other thing you thought you might coother than comedy . Was there a fallback position at any point . Or you never looked in any other direction . Because you had to have some doubts. No, i got started i started doing stup when i was 15, and things happened kind of came together quick, you know,. Stephen were your folks okay with that . Okay with what . Stephen was your mom okay with you going into show business . Yeah. When i started bringing checks home. laughter stephen who were the people for me it was it was carlin and cosby and steve martin. Who were the people that you went, i want to be like that . Who i think the alltime greats are, are carlin, cosby, richard pryor, and chaplain. applause . Stephen wow. But i aspired to be like richard. I thought richard was the funniest. I was like, thats who i want to be like. But i had other ones, too, that werent comeadans. Mohammed ali, and bruce lee. Who was another one who was really big. Mohammed ali, bruce lee, richard pryor. Im forgetting one person. Hell come to me in a second. Stephen there any ali, or bruce lee in any of your roles . Have you channeled any of that rasperation in your work. Theres a little brucely in your karate chop, obviously. I do bruce lee when i have to pull a gun up on the in the movie im doing a bruce lee. The first movie i did was 48 hours. cheers and applause and i had never had a gun before, never had to look, and the director was like youre going through this alley looking for people with the gun. So i just started doing acting how bruce lee was acting, making faces and pull the gun out and bleep . So when i pull a gun out in the movie, im imitating im trying to do bruce lee faces. So if you said, take a gun out and dont make a bruce lee face, id be like heey. To this day if i pull out a gun, im doing my bruce lee bleep . Stephen is there any role you have done that you went i didnt know that was going to be such a huge part of my legacy . Like, that role would grab everybody . Because i have one in mind which is donkey. Oh applause . Stephen donkey is one of your greatest performances and we dont get it see you ands only one person it could be is eddie murphy. Any movie you dont know how big it could be, you know. You find outardses. I dont have anything i think i have a couple of ones that were really bad, where i was like, i did not know it was going to be that bad. laughter theyre still talking about that . laughter a couple of those those. Stephen we havent even talked about this. This is this is thats you. Were doing that right now. Its almost finished cheers and applause stephen youre redoing this movie. Who is going to play arsenio. Arsenio is playing himself. Stephen good, good. We have all the original characters and the barbers and the old jewish guy. applause and and and we have the band sexual chocolate. cheers and applause . Stephen i forgot what country are you from . Whats the name of the country . Its a fiction country, zumunda. Stephen how are things in zumanda . Wonderful. Stephen noconflict with wakanda. Eddie wonderful to meet you. Please come often. Good to meet you, too. Stephen dolemite is my name is in theaters and on netflix now. Eddie murphy, everybody well be right back with a late show halloween classic. Wake up the kids. Hi, welcome to chilis, 3 for 10 bucks starter, entree and drink anytime, anywhere tap to get it togo, tap to get it delivered your home is now chilis, your phone is a waiter just a few taps, baby, taps, baby, taps mmmmhmmm together we chilis, oh yeah, baby, yeah aveeno® with prebiotic striple oat complex balances skins microbiome. So skin looks like this and you feel like this. Aveeno® skin relief. Get skin healthy™ goldi knows to never compromise. Too shabby too much too perfect i can rent this . For that price . Absolutely. What is this, some kind of fairy tale . Its just right book your just right rental at thrifty. Com. Oh baby bear i put you first and you adored it set fires to my forest and you let it burn sang off key in my chorus to love love. To love love. To love. I needed to hate you to love me to love love. To love love. About being a scientist at 3m. I wanted them to know that innovation is not just about that one aha moment. Science is a process. It takes time, dedication. Its a journey. Were constantly asking ourselves, how can we do things better and better . what we make has to work. We strive to protect you. At 3m, were in pursuit of solutions that make peoples lives better. Goodreally . At 3m, were in pursuit of solutions sighs have you tried merrick yet . We get it. You got it. Were petsmart. Come on lets hide in the attic. No. In the basement. Why cant we just get in the running car . Are you crazy . Lets hide behind the chainsaws. Smart. Yeah. Ok. If youre in a horror movie, you make poor decisions. Its what you do. This was a good idea. Shhhh. Im being quiet. Youre breathing on me if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. Its what you do. Lets go to the cemetery band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. You know, folks, all hallows eve is just around the corner. Everyones clamoring for this years hottest costume sexy corrupt phone call to ukraine. But there is one problem with the holiday there just arent enough good halloween songs. All we have is the monster mash, and that spooky one about santa watching you while youre sleeping. laughter thats why we here at the late show created our own halloween holiday classic, the halloween wiggle, which i made with my good friendsraers run the jewels. It dates all the way back to the spookiest, most terrifying time of all the fall of 2016. And its our tradition to ring in halloween every year. So sit back, put your arm around your animatronic witch decs oration, and get ready to dance your skeleton out. Aye hahahaha one, two, three four. The moon was full it was late at night i could feel in my bones something wasnt quite right i walked downstairs and i opened the door and what i saw set my jaw to the floor at first i was scared then i started to giggle cause i saw dracula do the halloween wiggle this aint ya daddys monster mash run the jewels, run the jewels the graveyard smash spread your cob webs and after your back. We aint hollow when it dont run shallow, bite on your pillow like its a marshmallow thats one way to wiggle. Listen up close there is a creepy wiggle i dig the most stretch your back wings make them clap and dont forget to do the skeleton clap make the pumpkin clap make the candelabra flicker. Im going to unwrap you so hard with my snickers. Stick my face in a candy bar turn you around with your hershey. Heads are fun. Just beware of casper and your spooky chain. Halloweens a treat and i dig it the most. And i dig it the most take it to the graveyard my Skeleton Crew and you can ride until you scream gonna give you a treat you dress like a witch i provide the broom stick shake your ricci cups like you need the cash. Ill provide the broomstick trick or treating is about as much as fun as you can get i whip out my monster bleep and were still wiggling its the halloween wiggle. Make the candy apples jiggle, girl. Jiggle, jiggle girl. Just to be clear were talking about fruit but now the partys over and its time to scoot so go home, guys put some candles on and jack your lantern til the break of dawn kids are watching. Stephen he said hershey bleep . You said hershey bleep . Youre laughing about it. cheers and applause stephen well be right back, everything. I thought i was managing my moderate to severe ulcerative colitis. But i realized something was missing. Me. The thought of my symptoms returning was keeping me from being there for the people and things i love most. 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Annoepidemic fueled by juul use with their kidfriendly flavors. San francisco voters stopped the sale of flavored ecigarettes. But then juul, backed by big tobacco, wrote prop c to weaken ecigarette protections. The San Francisco chronicle reports prop c is an audacious overreach, threatening to overturn the ban on flavored products approved by voters. Prop c means more kids vaping. Thats a dangerous idea. Vote no on juul. No on big tobacco. No on prop c. We all have things we love and long for. A place, a feeling, a moment. But only kerrygold can take you there. To irelands lush, green pastures. Bere grassfed cows produce you therich, creamy milk for the most delicious taste imaginable. Thats no ordinary cheese. No. Its kerrygold. Kerrygold. The taste that takes you there. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back to the late show. Folks, next guest is an author, chef, and the host of Food Networks the pioneer woman. Please welcome, ree drummond ree, thank you so much for being here. Thank you, stephen so glad to be here. Stephen whats the new book you got here, ree . This is my sixth cookbook, the new frontier. And i called it that because my house is a litit different than it was in the old days. Two of my girls are gone, two of my kids. Stephen okay. And im home in a man cave with teenaged boys. Stephen and lad, and your husband, lad. My husband lad. Stephen for the people who havent seen the pioneer woman by the way, i wasnt sure what your name was. I watched you for years and i always called you the pioneer woman. I answer to the pioneer woman. I answer to a lot of things. Stephen p. Dubs. Tell people about your life on the prairie. I grew up on a golf course. I always make a joke about that. I married a cowboy, and moved to his ranch in stephen did you literally grow up on ia golf course . I did. Stephen it looks like a lot like prairie, the golf course. The men dress differently on the golf course. Stephen what are we making today . Were making so many delicious things. Were make a cocktail, oklahoma prairie fire, a nod to the prescribed burning that your favorite guy, lad, does in the spring. Stephen ab oklahoma prairie fire. I love any drink named after a natural disaster. I know. Stephen drink a couple of these and you will feel like you are waking up in a fema trailer. Do i porthis in hoar. This is blood orange juice,. Stephen where is the alcohol . I got you orange bitters, which i think you like. Stephen one, two. Mescal. You can top it off. I wont tell anyone. Perfect. Then shake it, shake it. Ill try not to splash on you. Stephen while youre doing that, tell me what its like living in the prairie, an endless expanse, so much horizon. The reason my name is the pioneer woman, when i told my childhood friends i was moving to the country, they fell over lawg because i was the last person anybody thought would ever move to the country. And so they started calling me pioneer woman as a joke. Its always been a little bit of a tongueincheek nickname. Stephen is it an easy life on the prairie or does it get a little isolated . Its a little isolated. I have to be honest. In fact, im so happy to be here to have someone to talk to, stephen. laughter thank you, thank you for having me. Stephen put that in there . Yup. Stephen heres the thing often, supposedly, you know, its you and lad and the boys and the girls, obviously. And the girls. Stephen but lad and the boys are almost never there. Theyre off it will cut away, and its well, lad and the boys are out branding the cattle. And my boys play football now, so its even more compounded. Stephen shall we . We shall. I think thats a great idea. Stephen cheers. Cheers, cheers, this is so much fun. Oh, boy. Stephen yeah. Im making shrimp and grits for you you. Stephen know im from south carolina. Thats where im making it. How do you feel about quick grits. Does that offend your sensibilities . I wont tell anybody, but i like a stoneground grit, but those look good. Theyre stone ground but theyre quick stone ground. Were going to completely inundate stephen how much do i put in . All of it. This is mascarpone. Ill let you stir this. Stephen thats fine. Ill stir this. Were going to serve shrimp with this. For you, for those of you oution thereho are from shrimp country. I know what youre going to ask. Stephen do you leave the tails on the shrimp or take the tails off . I dont have a strong feeling. Stephen i have a very strong answer. Whats the answer. There is a wrong answer. The trails off. Stephen thank god why would you leave why would you i dont understand. Like, youre going to serve it with a saugus, right . Why would you layoff the tails on the shrimp . Theyre very painful, right, jon. Jon i agree. Stephen theyre painful and then you have to go in there with pla tex living gloves. Stephen and who wants to work that hard when they are eating shrimp and grits. Im glad were on the same page. Look how good those look. Theyre so cheesy and wonderful and heavenly. Stephen yes. Theres almost no grits left. I know. Stephen thats the best possible grits, actually. Thats how i like my grits, thats right. Stephen i made shrimp and grits for jon. You have had my shrimp and grits. What do you think . I think thats 10 out of 10, pops. laughter stephen ive never been called pops before. Oh, my gosh. Its wonderful. Stephen what lets serve a little bit of this up. Are we ready . Im going to let you put the shrimp into the sauce. Stephen into the sauce. What you really want to do is let this thicken and whoa he cooks like i do. Stephen crank it up. Im not sure thats on. Thats okay. I have a special little a special little helping for you here. Stephen do you mind, jon is the master of the shrimp and grits. Would you care to try that . Jon im trying to get into it. Get all the way in. Stephen get on that, jon. How are they, jon . Jon theyre rolling. I love ti love it, i love it. applause oh, yes. I like that. Stephen mmm all right. What now . So shrimp and grits. And i have a fun little chocolate ganache moment for you. I also have chocolate devils which are great for stephen halloween . Halloween, yes. Stephen chocolate devils, there you go. Do you and lad dress up as prairie people . What do you dress iewp do you have costumes for halloween . I dont have to answer that. Stephen you dont, legally, youre not sworn in, senator. No, but i will tell you a story. Last year, i opened facebook and the first post that showed up on my feed was a picture of my High School Boyfriend and his wife. Stephen okay and they had dressed up as my husband and me. For halloween. Jon whoa stephen which one of them was you . Was it your so your High School Boyfriend was lad rnlg and his wife was you . Yes, yes. Stephen thats. Wonderful. laughter . I didnt i didnt know stephen for legal reasons ill say thats great. Its been a year, and i still dont know how i feel about it. Im still processing. Stephen i would change the locks. laughter now, the book is the pioneer woman cooks the new frontier. Its available now. The woman is ree drummond. The pioneer woman, everybody well be right back cheers and applause stephen hey, thats it for the late show. Tune in next week when ill be joined by queen latifah, jennifer aniston, and speaker nancy pelosi. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show