Franks, youll say, geev types of salad dressing. laughter including ranch, bleu cheese and other. And when the evening is over forget about quid pro quo d focus on squid to go. laughter with our complimentary calamari doggie bags. So turn your g7 up to a g10. Come to franks banquet hall. Because we consider ourselves to be in the president ial business. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert announcer stephen welcomes Julie Andrews, Jonathan Groff and musical guest yungblood with dan reynolds, featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause theme song playing stephen how are you . Hey welcome thank you welcome one and all to the late show i am your host Stephen Colbert, and it is wonderful to be back. Feels good to be here with these great people. Ive been out of the country. Way out of the country. New zealand. Out of the hemisphere both of them. I have been as far from the insatiable black hole of news that is donald trump as you can get on this planet. laughter now, ive heard there have been some developments over the last ten days that did not go so well for donny, but today, at his first Cabinet Meeting since the impeachment proceedings began, he invited in the ladies and gentlemen of the press and calmly explained that theres nothing for him to be concerned about, for 71 minutes. laughter 71 minutes is not a press conference. Thats a one man show. laughter if you liked fleabag, youll love donald trump in douchebag. cheers and applause piano riff the first thing trump was just fine with was the firestorm he ignited on thursday after he announced that the next g7 summit would be held at the Trump National doral golf resort. Wow. booing taxpayer money being spent at his own place. That is bald selfdealing. Youd have to be an idiot to defend that. Enter north dakota senator kevin cramer, who said, it may seem careless politically, but on the other hand theres tremendous integrity in his boldness and his transparency. Yes, refreshing candor. as trump hey, if im going to get impeached anyway, its bucketlist time. The g7 is at doral, were serving nothing but trump steaks, its b. Y. O. Porn star, and dont forget your pistols cause were headed to 5th avenue. But most republicans freaked out, ran for cover, changed their names, and filed off their fingerprints. So, saturday, trump announced that he would no longer be using doral for the g7, tweeting, i thought i was doing something very good for our country by using Trump National doral, in miami, for hosting the g7 leaders. It is big, grand, on hundreds of acres, next to Miami International airport, has tremendous ballrooms and meeting rooms, and each delegation would have dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, its own 5070 unit building. Would set up better than other alternatives. Wow. Even trumps announcement about not using his resort is a commercial for his resort. laughter as trump i would never use the office of the presidency to promote one of my own properties, even the oneofakind, world famous trump doral. You know our motto its not just unbelievable, its unconstitutional. laughter cheers and applause totally worth it. Now, today today today, trump continued to defend the thing hes not going to do. Doral was a very simple situation. I own a property in florida. I was going to do it at no cost or give it free. Stephen no, you werent laughter bull dookie youve never given anything away for free. For petes sake, the Trump Charitable Foundation was shut down by new york state because it was a checkbook to serve your business and political interests. as trump i dont run for the cure. The cure runs for me. laughter besides, holding the g7 at your property is free advertising. But trump insists he doesnt need that. Democrats went crazy, even though i would have done it for free. Saved the country a lot of money. Then they say, oh, but you will get promotion. Who cares . You dont think i get enough promotion . I get more promotion than any human being that has ever lived, i think i can say that fairly safely. I get more promotion than any human being that has ever lived. Stephen as trump anyone whos ever lived yip time in history. Im bigger than jesus. And i have way more hotels. Seriously, that guy cant even get into an inn. laughter jon come on, now. Stephen no mint on the manger for this guy. laughter then trump finally stopped talking about his resort and addressed the most important issue of the day how great he is. Im very good at real estate. Very, very good. Much better than you even understand. When you see my financials, which i will give at the right time, you will say, man, he was much better than we thought. This guy knows right here, mnuchin, because he was in the private sector. He knows very much what i have. Stephen as mnuchin yeah, boss, so good. Youre so good at business. Thats why were not releasing your taxes, right . Because thats why we had them sealed in titanium capsules and fired into the heart of the sun. So people wouldnt be too impressed by them, is that the right answer . laughter then trump pointed out he should have been allowed to violate the constitution because, he claimed, other president s had. I dont know if you know george washington, he ran his business simultaneously while he was president. George washington, they say, had two desks, he had a president ial desk and a business desk. Stephen as trump talk about selfdealing. Washington not Everybody Knows this washington put his picture on every dollar. Can you imagine the royalties . Daddy got his beak wet on every dollar, not much, but it adds up. cheers and applause trump was furious furious cheers and applause so the g7 will now not be at doral national, and that gives trump a sad it was so good, florida loved it. They loved the economic development. It is a beautiful place, it is new, it has been totally rebuilt. Everythings good. Got massive meeting rooms. Unlimited for security, because it is on hundreds of acres. Right next to miami airport, one of the biggest airports in the world, some people say it is the biggest. But one of the biggest airports in the world. Its only minutes away. Stephen has trump ever been to Miami International airport . laughter i have and im pretty sure theyre pulling the troops out of syria because theyre needed to quell a riot at the auntie annes in terminal c. laughter being an open sewer of corruption isnt the only thing trumps getting criticized for. He also gave turkey the green light to invade syria, selling out our allies the kurds. But last week he pointed out that the kurds havent always been there for us. The kurds are fighting for their land, just so you understand, theyre fighting for their land. They did not help us in the second world war, they didnt help us with normandy. Stephen that is true. Thas true. There were no kurds at normandy. Come to think of it, where were the kurds at gettysburg . And remember the alamo . The kurds dont. I didnt see any kurds when the hindenburg went down. Poor Elian Gonzalez was out there all alone. Donde estan los kurds . laughter cheers and applause and and and and cheers and applause and remember this . Yesterday, december 7th, 1941. Not a kurd in sight. Thanks a lot, kurds laughter oh, they dont want you to know that. Stephen of course, it wouldnt be a trump meeting if he didnt go off on some rambling tangent about his rally crowd size. I havent had an empty seat at a rally. I always say, wheres the rally ettes in a certain place. Okay, just get the biggest arena. Ive set a record in most every place i have been because we just need a little small stage, and i take less than musicians because they have bands. I dont have band. I set the world record for somebody without a guitar, okay . laughter stephen hes right. Thats true. Thats absolutely true. That is absolutely true, no. I looked it up, exactly. Hes in the guinness book for most without a guitar. laughter also, hes in there for saddest, neediest most fragile ego, without an organ. Jon whoa piano riff cheers and applause laughter stephen trumps not the only one defending his right to blow off the constitution. So is white house chief of staff and pizza maker who just tossed his dough into the ceiling fan again mick mulvaney. laughter mulvaney was on Fox News Sunday, and admitted this about the president at the end of the day, you know, he still considers himself to be in the hospitality business. Stephen butt admitting the president still thinks hes running a forprofit business isnt even mulvaneys biggest gaff of the interview. Ill break it all down in tonights don and the giant impeach. cheers and applause now, throughout this impeachment inquiry, the company line has been there was no quid pro quo between trump and ukraine. First of all, you dont need quid pro quo, its super illegal anyway. And second, yeah, quid pro quo. laughter and on thursday, mulvaney admitted it. The look back to what happened in 2016, certainly was part of the thing that he was worried about corruption with that nation and that is absolutely appropriate. And withholding the funds. Yeah. Which, ultimately, then flowed. What you described is a quid pro quo. It is funding will not flow unless there is an investigation into the democratic server happens as well . We do that all of the time. And i have news for everybody, get over it. audience reacts stephen as mulvaney my point is were not quidamateurquos. Were quidproquos. Were really good at it cheers and applause admitting the thing that trump is being impeached for turned out to be problematic, so later that day, mulvaney put out a statement saying, let me be clear, there was absolutely no quid pro quo. But we just saw you repeatedly say there was. Its like if mick jagger left stage and immediately released a statement saying, let me be clear, jumping jack flash is not a gas, gas, gas. laughter then mulvaney went on Fox News Sunday and unveiled his bulletproof defense he never actually said quid pro quo. You again said just a few seconds ago that i said there was a quid pro quo. I never used that language there was never a quid pro quo. You were asked by jonathan karl, is you described a quid pro quo, and you said that happens all the time. Well and reporters will use their language all the time. So my language never said quid pro quo. Stephen he does realize you dont have to say the crime to be guilty of it, right . To be convicted of homicide, you dont have to stab somebody while saying murder, murder, murder, murder cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Julie andrews is here. But when we return, mitt romneys secret identity is he the batman . No. Murder murder murder murder cheers and applause band playing dealing with Psoriatic Arthritis pain was so frustrating. My skin. It was embarrassing. My joints. They hurt. The pain and swelling. The tenderness. The psoriasis. I had to find something at worked on all of this. I found cosentyx. Now, watch me. Real people with active Psoriatic Arthritis are getting real relief with cosentyx. Its a different kind of targeted biologic. Cosentyx treats more than just the joint pain of Psoriatic Arthritis. It even helps stop further joint damage dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. 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One of my favorite people in the entire world Julie Andrews is going to be here on the stage. cheers and applause not even a national treasure, shes a global treasure. Jon legend. Stephen you feel a little better when youre just near her. Jon yes. Stephen its radioactive goodness that comes off her. Jon thats right, i cant wait to get some of that. Stephen and a total pro. Total pro. Jon, did you have a nice week off . Jon yeah. I knew you were in new zealand, i was in vermont. Stephen theyre very similar. The thing about new zealand is its 17 hours ahead. Its tomorrow there. Jon oh, yeah. You must be tired. Stephen im a little bit not here. Im a little bit tomorrow. Im already watching the show on the d. V. R. It went great, by the way. cheers and applause jon yeah, yeah. Stephen let me tell you, speaking of great, but speak of great, we didnt go just for fun. We were shooting some pieces dont there. How long do they have to wait to show . Two and a half weeks or maybe Something Like that before we show. Well have a week of pieces on new zealand. Let me give you a taste. This is a photo on me right here. This is me 9,000 feet up on a glacier drinking makers mark out of a glass and the ice in the glass is from the glacier im standing on right now and i just want you to know this is like the sixth most exciting thing i did when i was down there. laughter extraordinary place. Extraordinary place. Can we do the show from down there . Can we just move the show there . inaudible . Stephen you are lying to me. Okay. laughter weve been hearing more from one of trumps most vocal critics, utah senator mitt romney, seen here indicating the number of black people hes met in his life. Over the weekend, romney was profiled in an atlantic article titled, the liberation of mitt romney. Which i know sounds like a midseventies erotic novella, but its actually about romneys role as a critic of trump with one big reveal, that he uses a secret twitter account, saying, i wont give you the name of it, but im following 668 people. He recited some of the accounts he follows, including latenight comedians, whats his name, the big redhead from boston . laughter big redhead from boston . He has a name, sir. Its ginger opalebody. laughter cheers and applause and hes a friend hes a friend using these clues, a journalist from slate got the scoop of the lateafternoon when she discovered romneys secret twitter handle Pierre Delecto. laughter yes Pierre Delecto it sounds like something from frenchcanadian softcore porn. as woman but dr. Delecto, i dont have any way to pay for this checkup as delecto, french thats okay. We have the socialized medicine. Now, we make the sex, oui . laughter my apologies to our neighbors to the north. This is the most embarrassing reveal since we found out Lindsey Grahams secret twitter name is wolfgang scrumptious. laughter and we know this is all true because romney confirmed it. When asked about the delecto account, he responded, cest moi. laughter yes cest moi, he said, swirling a snifter of vintage 2009 rice pudding. laughter but i have a bone to pick with pierre, because turns out, conans not the only late night host he follows he also likes jimmy kimmel, and jimmy fallon. audience reacts no, you know what . I get it. And im proud to launch our new ad campaign jimmy kimmel and jimmy fallon the choice of mitt romney. Watch the late show, only cbs cheers and applause well be right back with Julie Andrews cheers and applause band playing olays new retinol24 faced the competition and rose above. Youve never tried a retinol like this. Olays retinol24 complex hydrates better than the 1 retinol. Visibly smoother brighter skin in 24 hours. A skin upgrade . Crushed it. 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Please welcome back to the late show, the practically perfect, Julie Andrews cheers and applause band playing stephen thank you so much for being here it is a pleasure to see you again. Stephen so lovely to see you, too. Ive had the opportunity to speak to you several times. Oh, yes. Stephen weve spoken backstage a couple of times, sung together. The first question i want to ask you every time i see you is, wow, its so exciting to see you every time. Thats not exactly a question. Stephen its more an emotional reaction. I feel the same way about you. Stephen thank you, Julie Andrews. laughter wow. cheers and applause now, the film that propelled you to your first fame, really, internationally, was mary poppins. First film i ever made. Stephen you received an oscar for that, right . Yes. Stephen extraordinary. But the soun the sound of musi cemented your you werent in the broadway cast . Not the stage production. Stephen had you seen the broadway production . No. It felt a little saccharin at times. Stephen a little too sweet for you . Well, you know, seven children and the alps, supposedly, beautiful music, gorgeous music. Stephen sure, helicopter shots . Well, thats in the film, yes, a lot of helicopter shots. But i thought it could have been with the real stuff outside, the real salzburg, very oversweet. But everybody on the film wanted to make it as astringent as possible including lovely chris plumber and our wonderful director robert weiss. Stephen you mean like take some of the sweetness out of it . Yeah, take some of the saccharin out of it and just try to make it kind of a real as possible and not too sugar ri, really. Stephen right, because there are nazis in it laughter and thats a dash of vinegar in a lot of stories. Well, yes, and indeed there were sets we were on that, when you think about what they used to be and who used to be there, it wasnt pleasant. Stephen no. Christopher plumber, hes a very intimidating captain, captain von trapp in that, was he serious or light hearted off camera . Oh, mostly light hearted. Hes a great guy and a tremendous friend and weve stayed friends over the years. Stephen thats nice. Love seeing each other. He was the glue that held the whole thing together. Stephen really . Well, he gave it that strength and was very kind to work with. I loved what he did in the film. Stephen can you tell me, this is one to have the most somewhere in my youth or childhood this was one of the most famous scenes in the movie, the two of you in the gazebo. Can you tell me about shooting this . You know the story. Stephen its show business, julie, of course i know the story. laughter i late to give away such a beautiful, wonderful scene, but they lit that scene because it was a gazebo, they lit it with huge kleeg lights, which are very strong. Stephen so it wasnt always in silhouette . No, not at all. This is what im getting to. Patience, dear lad, patience stephen this is whats called setting you up. laughter cheers and applause eventually the lamps were tipped down to give shafts of moonlight. The carbons rubbing in the lamps began to grown and moan and it seemed like a terrible comment on our acting. You know, when chris was saying, oh, marieia, i love you, it groans and other extremely rude noises. Well, after a while, you know, they put new carbons in, still it did it, and finally it got so bad that i could see chris eyes creasing a little and i giggle at the slightups thing, anyway. And bob weiss realized we were impossible, closed the set, we went to lunch. I prayed i wouldnt giggle anymore because i was. Its very hard to be nose to nose doing a love scene and having these awful sounds coming at you. Stephen so. Somewhere in my youth and child and then the sound. Yes, and then the dialogue. laughter came back, had lunch started over again. Robert weiss said walk into the silhouette, ill shoot it at the door, wonderful shot, which was great serendipity, and then you can laugh all you like because it wont show. Middle east we shut up, and it was just fine. laughter but its a story i remember very well. Stephen one of my other favorite people in the world is your dear friend carol burnett. Oh, god, shes such a chum. Stephen and you are absolutely wonderful. applause i had mire a pro, too. Shes such a pro. You did three specials together, i understand. Yes. Stephen when youre together and shes my lovely daughters godmother, the one who helped me with the book, too. Stephen this book. Yes, that one, and there was one before that stephen home work. There was one called home before thi about ten years ago there was a book called home emma helped me with tremendously and this one, too. Stephen carol is mischievous. Who is more mischievous, you or her . Well, i have to say she brings out the worst in me. laughter i get to be pretty raunchy and very wicked and i think she gets shocked sometimes. Stephen what are some of the things you say. Well, i cant possibly repeat all of them, but dr. Stephen can you repeat any of them . It is cbs, im not sure can we move along. Stephen moving along. Thank you, stephen. Stephen you have the new book, home work. Yes. Stephen and in it youre actually very open about the role that therapy has played in your life. Yeah. Stephen when did you first start going to therapy . Oh, sadly, i separated from my lovely first husband and separations were always inevitable, and the marriage was over, and my head was so full of clutter and garbage, and i thought believe it or not, it was mike nichols who really tipped me into wanting to go to therapy, because he had been i dont think hed mind me saying that now and he was so sane and funny and clear. He had a clarity that i admired so much, and i wanted that for myself and i didnt feel id had it. So i went and got into it and it saved my life in a way. Stephen why did you want to share that . Why was that important for you . The truth is, stephen, why not, if it helps anybody else have the same idea . cheers and applause yeah, and these days, theres no harm in sharing it. I think Everybody Knows the great work it can do, and anybody that is lucky enough to have it, afford it and take advantage of it, i think it would be wonderful, yeah. Stephen well, julie, thank you so much for being here. Always, wow, a pleasure for me, stephen. Stephen the book is available now. Julie andrews, everybody well be back with broadway star Jonathan Groff cheers and applause band playing true. Dont hatelike their trip, book yours with hotels. Com and get rewarded basically everywhere. Hotels. Com. Be there. Do that. Get rewarded. 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Com and see how easy saving on renters insurance can be. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back to the show ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a grammy awardwinning actor you know from hamilton, mindhunter, and frozen. He now stars off broadway in little shop of horrors. Please welcome, Jonathan Groff cheers and applause stephen thank you. Nice to see you again. So nice to be here. Stephen you know you know, youre youre a musical theater star and, you know, can you feel the greatness i mean, i cant believe. Stephen have you ever met her before . I never stephen did you meet her back stage . I did and shes everything you wish she was. Stephen some people you meet them and you go, oh, thats exactly what you wanted Julie Andrews to be. Yes, so funny and kind. Its very surreal for me to be sitting in the chair she just sat in, and we were kind of wearing the same outfit, i noticed. Stephen wow. A little cosmic moment between me and julie. Stephen have you always been a fan of julies . Not only a fan but a deep, deep, deep fan of Julie Andrews. Stephen yeah . Where, when i was three years old, i dressed up stephen is that what this is . Yeah. I dress up as marr mary poppinsr halloween. Stephen this is mary poppins right here and this is you as mary poppins. cheers and applause that is fantastic. You had seen mary poppins and just loved mary poppins . We had the v. H. S. Of mar mary poppins and my mom will tell you i watched it every single day. This halloween my brother went as the entertainer. Stephen what entertainer . He called himself the entertainer. He had a top hat and a cane. He was trying to upstage me as mary poppins, he knew that would be a huge draw, because i had a lipstick, hat and a carpet bag. Stephen first of all, you do have a great mom. I do have a great mom to let me dress as mary poppins. Stephen fantastic. And speaking of v. H. S. , i actually understan you brought a v. H. S. Of your mother recording you as mary poppins age there on halloween . On halloween in my grandparents yard who were mennonites. We were in their yard, my brother was the intertiner and i am mary poppins in drag. Stephen please. Ing a song from mary poppins singing did you say it . He has lipstick on oooh lipstick, oooh cheers and applause stephen wow. So what did you say . And were going to get to your thing in a minute. But what did you say to her when you went in . How did you contain yourself . I just took a deep breath and i just said thank you for your incredible i didnt tell her i was dressed as her in drag and that i would be featuring that later, i just tried to keep it cool and i just asked her questions. I asked her if she gets nervous before interviews and she said, yeah, a little bit. But she just came offstage and said, isnt he the greatest . He makes me feel so comfortable. cheers and applause you are stephen all right, all right. You are stephen now youre starring in little shop of horrors at the westside theater. Yes. Stephen we have the play bill right there. Little shop of horrors. Yes. Stephen seymour is a beloved character. What attractorred you to this . Michael mayer whom i worked with on spring awakening about 13 years ago called me in may and said we want to take little shop of horrors back to its roots and do it in an offbroadway theater at the westside theater, 270 seats. It was tone in the 80s on the Lower East Side and Howard Ashman famously said its meant to be in an intimate space, were never moving it to broadway. So michael wanted to sort of recreate the intimacy of the show and have a great time, and we are having the pest time eight times best time eight times a week doing the show. We opened last week. Its a competition between the audience and the cast as to whos having more fun because its such a fun show to do. Stephen you met your boy corey in new zealand. You met him there . We were teaching at a theater camp in christchurch. Stephen its hard to explain to people who havent been there what the National Character is there. What do you think the difference is between kiwis and americans . Portion size. laughter stephen want to leave it at that . Thank you so much. Good to see you, jonathan. Little shop of horrors. At the westside theater now Jonathan Groff, everybody well be right back with a performance by yungblood featuring dan reynolds stick around cheers and applause band playing oh, come on. Flo dont worry. Youre covered. dramatic music and youre saving money, because you bundled home and auto. Sarah, get in the house. Were all here for you. All all day, all night. dramatic music great job speaking calmly and clearly everyone. Thats how you put a customer at ease. Hey, did anyone else hear weird voices while they were in the corn . No. No. Me either. Whispering voice jamie. What . Goldi knows to never compromise. Too shabby too much too perfect i can rent this . For that price . Absolutely. What is this, some kind of fairy tale . Its just right book your just right rental at thrifty. Com. Oh baby bear the holidays begin here at the disneyland resort. Do you recall, not long ago we would walk on the sidewalk all around the wind blows we would only hold on to let go blow a kiss into the sun we need someone to lean on blow a kiss into the sun we needed somebody to lean on all we need is someone to lean on cheers and applause this is a jimmy johns sandwich, made with allnatural meats, handsliced veggies, and freshbaked bread. And this is the new little john, available for only 3. Theyre almost identical. Almost. Good job. Okay. vo the big dogs. The old dogs. The deaf, blind, the different. Subaru presents the underdogs. These shelter dogs still love unconditionally. Theyre just hoping to find their human, who does too. To help, subaru is establishing National Make a dogs day to ask you to please consider adopting an underdog, or do something extraspecial for your dog. Dancing on the people i got people on the people, people [screaming] with the people on the people smoking co2 see me see you dancing on the people climb up on the booth hanging from the people on the people charmin ultra soft its softer than ever. Charmin ultra soft is softer than ever, so its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird enjoy the go with charmin. But one blows them all out of the water. Hydro boost with hyaluronic acid to plump skin cells so it bounces back. Neutrogena® and for body. Hydro boost body gel cream. Stephen peng original me from his e. P. The underrated youth, please welcome yungblud featuring dan reynolds of imagine dragons. cheers and applause such a loser i made and i asked myself when my time will come will i run away will i run away im the original loser some days i wish i was anyone else im the original loser some days i wish i was anyone else im so paranoid most people i avoid lacking in sympathy i just want out of here telling me im going to be fine i may be alone if i stay alive and realize im the original im the original loser some days i wish i was anyone else im the original loser some days i wish i was anyone else dont let him change your mind dont let him change your mind dont let him waste your time dont let him waste your time dont let him change your mind dont let him change your mind dont let hem waste your time dont let him waste your time im the original loser some days i wish i some days i wish i was anyone else cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen that was great. Thanks, dan. Thanks for being here. Youngblood featuring dan reynolds, everybody well be right back. cheers and applause stephen thats it for the late show. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be john lithgow, cameela mendes, and the pioneer woman ree drummond. Now stick around for james corden. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org stephen it needs to be big. My heads the knob. Thats going to be the name of my biography. My heads the knob the Stephen Colbert story. Are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show