Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240714

Wednesday on the draw draw, right after draw draw draw love island. laughter announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, condemnocrats plus, stephen welcomes sofia vergara. David cross. And musical guest tove lo. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen whooo applause lovely. Please, have a seat, everybody. Thank you very much. Very kind. Welcome one and all to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. The big story cheers and applause the big story, as we all know, is that people are still talking about was trumps tweet about four freshman congresswomen racist . Well, i say if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it probably just told the geese to go back to canada. laughter piano riff so, last night, the house of representatives passed a resolution condemning trump for his racist comments. Thats right, mr. President. A formal condemnation laughter you watch your step, mister. Or next they will hit you with a notarized complaint and then boom, a ceremonial rebuke. laughter now, all the democrats voted for the condemnation, along with four republicans representative fred upton of michigan, susan w. Brooks of indiana, Ryan Fitzpatrick of pennsylvania, and will hurd of texas. Or cheers and applause yeah. Or as they will soon be known, freaky fred, lazy susan, bitchy brian, and, im going to guess the black guy is Frederick Douglass . I dont know. audience reacts jon my goodness. Missed on that one. Stephen now, now, fun fact or fact. I dont know how fun it is. Fun fact. This is the first time that a sitting president has been censured by either house of Congress Since 1912, when the Senate Censured William Howard taft for eating a congressional page. laughter yeah. But somehow trump somehow saw the vote as a victory, tweeting, so great to see how unified the Republican Party was on todays vote concerning statements i made about four democrat congresswomen. The republican vote was 1874. Wow laughter so great. Yes, we lost, but i covered the spread. Now these four congresswomen are known in washington as. The squad. cheers and applause and trump went after the squad directly, tweeting, they are now the topmost dotdotdot dotdotdotdot visible members of the House Democrats who are now wedded to this bitterness and hate. Wedded to bitterness and hate. You know it is serious when trump starts quoting his marriage vows. laughter cheers and applause and do you . It is a delicate dance for the republicans to defend obvious racism but they make it look easy. laughter and, and stupid. Take, take pennsylvania representative and man whose eyebrows dont match the drapes. laughter mike kelly. Kelly said of democrats, they talk about people of color . Im a person of color. Im white. laughter yeah, yeah im also a minority because there are very few people dumb enough to say what i just said. Mister put em up he stupided on, im an anglo saxon. With a name like mike kelly, you cant be from any place else but ireland. Holy stupid laughter irish people are many things, kelly. One thing they are definitely not is anglosaxons. You know how i know this . If my family were anglosaxons the anglosaxons wouldnt have driven my family off their land to go west of the River Shannon to farm rocks. You are officially kicked out of being irish. Please, turn in your erin go bragh button, your notre dame pendant and your box of lucky charms. Oh, yes. cheers and applause yes. Jon that stereotype, for real . Stephen stereotypes are true, jon. All we eat is lucky charms. laughter we make a spoon out of potato and eat our lucky charms. Jon i believe it. Stephen and from one american of irish ancestry to another, mr. Kelly, we are not people of color. Under this makeup, my skin tone is uncooked calamari, okay . laughter i am translucent. You shine a flashlight on me and a rainbow comes out the other side. laughter but perhaps the dullest knife in the republican drawer is president ial son and man who has got big gums and he cannot lie, eric trump. Here is what eric told the fox friends today. My father is in there and hes fighting every day, he has to fight against the media. And he has to fight against these lunatics and guys, im telling you 95 of this country is behind him in this message. Stephen yeah, 95 laughter im telling you. laughter no. 95 is behind my dad, okay . laughter okay, you better check my math, okay. He lost the popular vote, okay. Jon uhhuh. Stephen lowest Approval Rating of all time. And its a bunny hi, mr. Bunny dad, can i keep him . Wait, come back come back, mr. Bunny. Come back. Come back i love you i love you i love you. laughter they always leave. Scene. cheers and applause theres one big story we havent talked about since coming back from our break, and it is about millionaire financier and guy with a walkin closet just for his skeletons, jeffrey epstein. Epstein was recently arrested and accused of sex trafficking of minors. It is a disturbing story and there is a mountain of evidence that this guy is guilty. Dozens of women have come forward, pornographic images were found in his home and weve learned that to cover his track, he shipped himself a large Paper Shredder and a carpet and tile extractor. Yeah, he bought them at bed, bath and obviously guilty. laughter epstein this is a bit of strange detail here epstein even owns a mysterious private island, which he nicknamed little st. Jeffs. Which locals refer to as pedophile island and orgy island. Huh, that might be a clue. laughter excuse me sir, were investigating a murder in the neighborhood, have you seen any suspicious activity . I havent, might want to check with the guy who lives over at the stabby shack. laughter epstein defended himself back in 2011 saying, i am not a sexual predator. Im an offender. It is the difference between a murderer and a person who steals a bagel. Those are not the same thing. laughter here is how i know. No one has ever come to my door to say hello, i just moved to the neighborhood and im required by the court to inform you that i once stole a cinnamon raisin bagel with a schmear. Epstein has been doing this for decades. Back in the 1970s he taught at the elite private school dalton, where he is known for violating norms in his encounters with girls and wandering the halls in a fur coat, gold chains and an open shirt that exposed his chest. What did he teach . laughter intro to pimping . laughter after he stopped teaching, epstein became a hedgefund manager who rubbed elbows with famous people like bill clinton, woody allen and crown Prince Mohammed bin salman, as well as superstar attorney Alan Dershowitz, who admits to getting a massage at epsteins mansion, but he said it wasnt from an underaged girl but an old, old russian. laughter and, brace yourselves for this detail. I kept my underwear on during the massage. Stephen now laughter some have doubted the truth of dershowitzs story, but in a late show exclusive we have tracked down the woman who massaged Alan Dershowitz. Come on out, shirley shirley, everybody. cheers and applause thank you very much. Please, right down there. Nothing to be afraid of. Were all your friends. Shirley, thank you for being here. And im only asking to verify his story. How old are you . Im 27. laughter stephen youre 27 years old . Why do you look so old . I i saw Alan Dershowitz in his underwear. laughter stephen shirley, everybody. Alan dershowitzs masseuse. cheers and applause thank you very much, shirley. Jon, how about a little traveling music . applause heartbreaking. Of course, those werent epsteins only buddies. No circle of rich and creepy men is complete without donald trump. audience reacts thats right. Epstein, clinton, dershowitz, trump, we have achieved full mount touchmore. laughter applause trump a family joke. Worth it, there you go. Trump was a fan of epsteins work. Back in 2002 he called epstein a terrific guy and said hes a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as i do. And many of them are on the younger side. Many of them on the younger side . Thats not a fun quirk about your friend. Thats a red flag. My pal jeff dahmer is a lot of fun to be with, it is even said he loves people as much as i do. Many of them on the medium rare side. laughter but now laughter Alan Dershowitz. cheers and applause Alan Dershowitz i ate one person but, very, very old and gristly. laughter but now that epstein is in trouble, trump has changed his tune. Just last week, he had this to say about his old buddy. I wasnt a big fan of jeffrey epstein. I didnt want anything to do with him. It shows you one thing, that i have good taste, okay. I was not a fan of jeffrey epstein. Stephen im not a fan. I prefer sexual predators who werent captured. laughter this morning cheers and applause quality. Jon quality joke. Quality. Stephen this morning nbc dug up some archival footage of trump not being a fan of epstein back in 1992. Coffee joe mornings mika tells the tale. A tape in the nbc archives of a maralago party shows trump giving epstein his personal attention. The footage, shot in november of 1992, before trump opened the resort of the club, shows the future president surrounded by cheerleaders for the Buffalo Bills and miami dolphins, capturing trumps funloving bachelor lifestyle. laughter cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen im sorry, that clip should come with a warning. Contains graphic imagery of donald trump dancing. laughter okay, im ready now, im ready. Can we see that arrhythmic juddering again . Mmm, yeah, feel the beat. Mm, yeah, mmmm, yeah. Feel the beat, then just ignore it and kind of snap and drag your feet back and forth. Hey, ladies. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm. cheers and applause after that, trump hung out with his very special party guests. Later in the footage trump is seen talking to epstein and another man, as women are dancing in front of them. Trump alternates between dancing and pointing out women to epstein and the other man, and telling epstein about the cameras. Then, trump says Something Else into epsteins ear that makes him double over with laughter. Stephen im pretty sure he said im going to be president one day. laughter we have got a great show for you tonight. Sofia vergara is here. But when we return, which democrat has got the dollah dollah bills, yall. Stick around. Boost mobile has a super reliable,super fast network, so you can stay connected almost anywhere. Like up here at lookout point. But theres more. Switch now and get 4 free phones for your family. Hashtag first date he aint family yet. But theres more. You also get 4 lines for just 100 a month with unlimited gigs so you can stay close to your loved ones. Cut your hair, hippie. Switch to boost mobile and get 4 free lg stylo™ 5 phones, 4 lines for 100 a month with unlimited gigs, all on our super reliable, super fast nationwide network. Did you know you can save money by using dish soap to clean grease on more than dishes . Try dawn ultra. Dawn is for more than just dishes. 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For a heart breaking limited time only at panda express. cheers and applause stephen hey friend, jon batiste and say human, everybody. cheers and applause im sorry, jon, im sorry, jon. However awkwardly you try to dance, compared to donald trump, you are baryshnikov. Sofia vergara is here, right over there talking us to and our friend david cross will be here today. But before we do that, i am over here because we had too much monologue. Please have a seat, everybody. It is more monologue time, it is a craze sweeping the nation. Jon its as happening. Stephen right off the bean we are going to get into this, big updates from the 2020 election race, and i will tell you all about them in tonights doing it donkey style. Abolish ice applause stephen the Democratic Candidates have been hitting the fundraising trail and we have some surprising results. The number one money maker this last quarter was Pete Buttigieg. cheers and applause who raked in a whopping 24. 9 million. That is a lot of buttigieg buttibread right there. He is even raking in cash in the big apple where he raised more money from new york City Residents than new york mayor bill de blasio. Now, i will admit that sounds bad, that does not sound good, that sounds bad. Until you consider the full headline says Pete Buttigieg raised more money from new york City Residents then bill de blasio got nationwide. Ouch. Yowch mayor de blasio, you may not get the job you are applying for, but the good news is there might soon be an opening in south bend, indiana, because the dairy queen is hiring for the summer. It is seasonal work, but you get free samples. We also found out which celebrities gave to which campaigns, we learned that actress Gwyneth Paltrow hosted a fundraiser for buttigieg at her home. She personally donated 2,800 which is enough to go on goop and buy half an ounce of Cellular Repair crystals. laughter pete wasnt alone in nabbing big celebrity donors. Elizabeth warren saw donations from bette midler, Ryan Reynolds and shonda rhimes. Shonda rhimes . That is bold, for a candidate that associates themselves with scandal. laughter maybe, perhaps the most surprising news is that Steve Buscemi gave bill de blasios president ial campaign 5,600. Steve . Are you okay . laughter i just pray you are researching a role where you play a man who goes insane and votes for bill de blasio. laughter well be right back, with sofia vergara. cheers and applause here i go again on my own goin down the only road ive ever known like a drifter i was born to walk alone . Barb you left me hangin on the high harmony there. If you ride, you get it. Geico motorcycle. 15 minutes could save you 15 or more. That life of the party look. Walk it off look. One more mile look. Reply all look. Own your look with fewer lines. Theres only one botox® cosmetic. Its the only one fdaapproved to temporarily make frown lines, crows feet, and forehead lines look better. 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And its why you dont even have to own a subaru to love a subaru retailer. Love. Its what makes subaru, subaru applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. Folks. Folks. Thats right, give it up for the band right over there, one more time, one more time for the band right over there. cheers and applause you know my first guest as gloria on modern family. She now stars in the new film bottom of the ninth. Please welcome back to the late show sofia vergara. cheers and applause nice to see you again, so lovely to have you back. Thank you so much for having me, i am very happy to be here. Stephen i want to thank you for two things. What . Stephen the last time that you were here, no it is all good. The last time you were here you have your own intimate apparel line. Yes, e. B. Y. Stephen e. B. I. What does it stand for . E. B. I. Is for empowered by you. Stephen okay, and so it is like. A line of underwear that you get on, how do you say, on the mail. Stephen yes, all the best underwear comes through the mail, by the way, all the very best underwear. Okay. Stephen in an unmarked package. So and we are empowering women all over the world because we give them 10 of the profit. Stephen the people who are actually making it, which is fantastic. No, not that people that are making it, we are paying them but we are also helping yeah, we are. But we are empowering them. No, we are also, we have a foundation that we empower women to create their own businesses. Stephen that is wonderful. I brought you, i brought you. cheers and applause stephen i didnt realize. I brought some. Stephen is this it . Yeah. Stephen the second thing i want to thank you for is that i wanted to thank you for giving me a reason to explain to my wife why a beautiful woman gave me thong underwear. laughter that was very enjoyable. Well, this time i didnt bring you thong. I brought you with more coverage. Because now cheers and applause stephen that, that we have all the sizes from like extra small to 3x, and now this is not just a little, you know, sexy thong. This will hold anything, anything. Anything, you want. Stephen if i go camping, i will use this to make a tent, thank you very much. Thats very i love that. And look at the print, super sexy, so you dont feel like are you wearing a diaper or anything or like a. Stephen and if i am on safari i can hide in the tall grass in my leopard print, thank you very much. Theyre waterproof, no, im kidding. Stephen what is this one . This one is a pickle. Stephen it is sorry, what is it again . A peacock. Stephen peacock. Thank you very much, that is one word for it. Okay. Now theyre fantastic, i love them. Stephen they are amazing. They feel wonderful. I am very proud of them. Stephen now is your lovely husband here . My lovely husband is here, yeah, we are very happy, were on vacation. And were promoting this movie together. So we are both in new york. And were going back to l. A. Soon. Stephen you were just in italy. In italy, yeah. Stephen right there. Yeah. We spend almost two weeks there, going crazy, eating like animals. Stephen wow, eating like animal yeah, like we were counting and like when we were on the plane, and the numbers were really not good. Stephen what numbers . Like we were there 12 days, and we each had two bowls of pasta a day. It was like 22 bowls of pasta each stephen 44 bowls of pasta. Yeah, its like, i regret it right now, this is not what i was wearing today but you know, it is a little tight. laughter stephen you wear it well. You wear it well. This is exciting. Have you ever performed with your husband before . No, this is the first time. Stephen so you show up with your husband in the new film bottom of the ninth. I am assume its a baseball movie, tell what it is about. Well, its a movie about laughter stephen can you not tell me . Is it like i am an idiot. I have been having a problem the whole day remembering these words. So i wrote it in my finger, in my hand but i have my glasses on. No. Stephen i will whisper it in your ear. Its my english. Okay. So stephen what is the movie about . So it was a movie about revengetion. laughter i wrote it so tiny when i had my glasses on. Im an idiot, im jet lag, im sorry it is about revenge but i kept thinking constipation, like congestion, and like everything. Stephen it covers everything, everything. No, it is a movie about redemption it is about a man who was supposed to have a great career with the yankees and everything went wrong when he was young. And then with the new york yankees. Stephen okay. I thought were you confused. Stephen i was not confused at all. Okay. Stephen i was delighted to you have here. Okay, thank you so much. And so then, im going to go on. Stephen please. So then the movie is about this, about redemption, this man that wanted to be in the yankees and something happened, he went to jail, he comes back, he wants a Second Chance. And im in the movie. Stephen are you his Second Chance . I am i was i dont know i was the girlfriend before he went to jail. And so he comes back and he is starting to, you know, see what is happening, and i show up. And i am a math teacher from the bronx. And i thought it was a perfect role for me, you know, an actress that worked in a show like modern family, we dont have that much time to do movies because we have a small hiatus. So im always looking for a movie that i can really, you know, get in, and that year i didnt have anything. So i was like watching him cast this movie. And im like, that part should be for me. Stephen we have a clip here, can you tell us what is going on here . Let me see what is it . Stephen i cant show it to you without showing it to them. The clip is about redemption. It is about redemption. So you know stephen okay it is, two of you are outside a school. At the school, yes, yes and we are at the school and he wants, you know, to start his new life. And i want to help him. I want to, you know, im not thinking anything romantic at that point with him. I just want, you know, i feel nostalgic and i think i want to help him. So this is what is happening right here, still nothing crazy is going on. No contraception is needed at that point. laughter stephen redemption, contraception . Jim hey, what are you doing out here . Waiting for my lyft. Your lyft. My ride is going to be here in one minute. What do you mean, how can you tell . Look at this, that little car. For real . Technology. Any luck with the classes . Im going to take this stupid aptitude test. You didnt even hand it in . No, i guess i wasnt ready for it. You know what . Maybe i do need to help you. I love it, i love the role cheers and applause stephen bottom of the ninth is in theaters this friday. Sofia vergara, everybody. Well be right back with david cross. cheers and applause hey, who are you . Oh, hey jeff, im a car thief. What . im here to steal your car because, well, thats my job. What . What . . What . laughing what . . What . what . [crash] what . haha, it happens. And if youve got cutrate car insurance, paying for this could feel like getting robbed twice. So get allstate. And be better protected from mayhem. Like me. I wanted more thats why ive got the power of 1 2 3 medicines with trelegy. The only fdaapproved 3in1 copd treatment. Trelegy. The power of 123. Trelegy 123 trelegy. With trelegy and the power of 1 2 3, im breathing better. Trelegy works 3 ways to open airways, keep them open and reduce inflammation for 24 hours of better breathing. Trelegy wont replace a rescue inhaler for sudden breathing problems. Trelegy is not for asthma. 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Created by apple, not a bank. With a better way to track where you spend. Daily cash you get back every day. And a new level of privacy and security. Nice. Nice. The next american chinese original is here. New sichuan hot chicken. For a heart breaking limited time only at panda express. cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Ladies, ladies and gentlemen, folks, my next guest is a comedian and actor you know from arrested development and mr. Show. Please welcome back to the late show david cross. cheers and applause hi. Hello, how are you . Stephen im doing well, and yourself . Good, i wanted to congratulate you, pretty quickly. Stephen on . On, im so rarely up in this part of manhattan and new york and i was coming up the subway here and coming out, and i saw the big, you know, marquee, late show with Stephen Colbert. Stephen yeah. And just congrats on that, man, thats great. Stephen thanks very much, yeah. Because i yeah, because stephen thank you very much, yeah, we want to let people know where i was. And that it is official now. The filling in time is over, its official. Stephen first three years i was paper mache, it was a pinata, actually. Oh, cool, did you ever get stephen just yesterday when we were nominated for the emmys, we went whack, whack. And what was in there, congratulations. cheers and applause stephen yeah, rats, it is new york. Candied rats. And i want to congratulate the audience as well. Stephen sure, yeah. cheers and applause cheers and applause you know. Stephen all of these people are here tonight because they won an essay contest. I was reminded earlier that you and i had dinner on the lower east side, at a place called franks. Yeah. Stephen and probably with paul dinello, one of our other mutual friends here, and you remember that dinner differently than i do, i was told today. I dont know what your remembrance of it is. Stephen almost none. Well, i do, and im being completely sincere when i say this, it is a story that ive told often, one of my wifes favorite stories. We were out at dinner and tell me if you remember this. Stephen it is beginning to. Okay, so we were at franks on Second Avenue in the east village. So then im talking to you. And the whole time you are like this. laughter and im continuing to talk, continuing to talk, and it takes me a little while to notice. And what i love about it is the absolute commitment to the bit which i totally respect from anybody. But it went on for awhile, took me a good few minutes. Stephen how long are we talking . Close to seven hours. No, it was honestly, it was enough, it was enough time to make it awkward and weird. And it was several minutes. Because im talking, jibber jabber, and telling this story. And then, you are not looking at me, just right off my shoulder, and then i finally noticed and i even addressed it, you dont respond, you dont break, and then eventually i go like, that and there is a giant picture mirror of, and stephen is just looking at himself, like laughter and it was great. And it cheers and applause stephen i vaguely remember that. Im glad you enjoyed it. I did enjoy it. And it is honestly one of my favorite memories. Stephen thank you very much. It became more, the more successful you got, the more i enjoyed the story. Stephen you have a new album. It is called oh, come on. Okay. Yeah. cheers and applause yeah. This is the result of the tour that i was plugging last time i was on the show. Stephen okay. And now this is the first album you have put out since you had your first child, your daughter. Yeah. Stephen did it change the way you do comedy, or did it change anything about your subject matter or anything . Yeah, sure, and i see the world a little differently now, theres more of a sense of urgency to what i think is important. And i mean, it is not all dad jokes, just so you know. The special, it is into the stephen are there any dad jokes . Yeah, roughly a third of it, but, i think, but yeah, but i mean like things like when my daughter was born and i say daughter, we dont know yet. But you never know. It is up to her, him, they, z, whatever. But you know, you say that you have a kid and everybody is like congratulations. And im that always bothered me, even before i had a kid. I havent done anything to be congratulated for yet. You know, i mean i barely had anything to do with it in the first place. My wife, had an affair and no, no, no, no, no. Stephen you had to think about it. No, its like, we dont know how shes going to turn out yet. You know. Parents, really smart, good, decent people, wellintentioned, you can be as wellintentioned as you want but you know, they could turn out to be a bit of a bitch, you know. So and you know, were going to try, obviously. Were not going to intentionally raise a t. S. A. Agent, but you never know what will you never know. You never know. Never know. Stephen is there a sketch you wrote once that god and did it and are you like we cant show that to people, it is just too dark or too strange, we cannot show that. That we ever shot, no, no, a sketch that we shot that we never got stephen yes, that you shot and. No, not not that i know of, no. Stephen okay. All right. Okay. You dont have to. I feel like you are putting me on the spot. Stephen im not, but it kind of my job to ask you questions that maybe puts you off balance. Well, maybe you are a fake news guy. Yeah. audience reacts my cup, my cup my cup what have you done to my cup noooooo cheers and applause stephen oh, come on, is available now. David cross, everybody. Well be right back with a performance by tove lo. It runs on doritos. Want to tr[dog barks]me machine . Okay. Yes [humming, thumping] this is the greatest moment of my life get out of my yard [birds chirping] jimmy . Youre so old. [crunch ] Liberty Mutual customizes your car insurance, so you only pay for what you need. I wish i could shake your hand. Granted. Only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. S before she puts them in the dishwasher. So what does the dishwasher do . vo cascade platinum does the work for you. Prewashing and removing stuckon foods, the first time. mom wow thats clean vo cascade platinum. Of certain cancers clater in life. K from an infection, Human Papillomavirus i knew that hpv could lead to certain cancers. I knew her risk for hpv increases as she gets older. I knew there was a vaccine available that could help protect her before she could be exposed to hpv. I knew. So i talked to my childs doctor. Now that you know that hpv can lead to certain cancers, dont wait. Talk to your childs doctor today. For that many calories you uld have 9 veggie chips. These are more chip than veggie. While v8 is a snack you can veg out on. V8 the origveg up. Ant powered drink. cheers and applause try target same day delivery. Delivered to your door so you can do more. Feels so good feels so good feels so good target run and done. This is something bigger. G. That is big. Not as big as that. Big. Bigger. Big. Bigger. This is big. And thats bigger. In a jimmy johns delivery zone. And you realize, holy moly, we won a house in a jimmy johns delivery zone. Enter to win a house at jimmyjohns. Com. Because sandwich. Enter to win a house at jimmyjohns. Com. The hazelnut spread m msve all been wspokescandy clapping audience gasps oh my what did you do . . giggles we ate him. How do you get skin happy aveeno® with prebiotic oat. It hydrates and softens skin. So it looks like this. And you feel like this. Aveeno® daily moisturizer get skin happy™ number one in Overall Network performance. Full of awards. Highest in Wireless Network Quality Performance. Highest in Wireless Network Quality Performance in the North Central region. Its hard to know what to think. Thats why sprints doing things differently and offering a new one hundred percent total satisfaction guarantee. So, you can try out the network, see the savings and decide for yourself. Switch to sprint and get both an unlimited plan and one of the newest phones included for just thirtyfive dollars a month. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. Stephen her new album, sunshine kitty, comes out this fall. Performing her single, glad hes gone, please welcome tove lo. cheers and applause hes gone hes gone youre better off im glad that hes gone hes gone hes gone youre better off im glad that hes gone i got a girlfriend shes got a boyfriend she calls me crying every day cause they got problems he likes complaining shes compromising coming to me for real advice when he just playing i can tell she loves him way too deep he loves being super hard to please cover the basics its pretty easy hes a bitch with some expectations did you get down on his birthday . Yup did you let him leave a necklace . Yup or did you show him all your crazy . No blow him up on the weekends . Hmm did you give in to his ego . Just to give a little confidence . I think you know its time to let go youre better off im glad that hes gone my baby never no tears for that sucker only one love thats a bummer dancing all night get guys numbers better off im glad that hes gone hes gone baby, no tears for that sucker well never go dry this whole summer wanna get over get under youre better off im glad that hes gone hes gone, hes gone youre better off im glad that hes gone hes gone bitch, i love you he never loved you he never saw the Pretty Things in you that i do i missed your madness youre kinda ratchet we used to go out every night get into bad things you and me under each others wing we were free til he spoiled everything cover the basics its pretty easy hes a bitch with some expectations did you get down on his birthday . Yup did you let him leave a necklace . Yup or did you show him all your crazy . No blow him up on the weekends . Hmm did you give in to his ego . Yup just to give a little confidence . No i think you know its time to let go youre better off im glad that hes gone my baby never no tears for that sucker only one love thats a bummer dancing all night get guys numbers better off im glad that hes gone hes gone baby, no tears for that sucker well never go dry this whole summer wanna get over, get under better off im glad that hes gone hes gone hes gone youre better off im glad that hes gone you and me under each others wing but he spoiled everything bitch, i love you he never loved you he never loved you my baby never no tears for that sucker only one love thats a bummer dancing all night get guys numbers better off im glad that hes gone baby, no tears for that sucker well never go dry this whole summer wanna get over, get under we get under better off im glad that hes gone hes gone hes gone hes gone youre better off im glad that hes gone hes gone hes gone youre better off im glad that hes gone hes gone hes gone youre better off im glad that hes gone hes gone hes gone youre better off im glad that hes gone cheers and applause stephen tove lo, everybody well be right back. Find the brands you love from nordstrom. Up to 70 off at nordstrom rack. Thats fashion at a fraction. Shop anytime at nordstromrack. Com and get easy returns in store. Nordstrom rack. What will you find . Well well well, what have we here . A magical place. Thats lookin to get scared with bats. And ghouls. And cars in disguise. Ive cast quite a spell now. You wont believe your eyes the spell is cast. Halloween time is back with spooktacular experiences in disneyland and disney california Adventure Parks . To the wait did frowe just winners. Prouders everyone uses their phone differently. Thats why Xfinity Mobile lets you design your own data. Now you can share it between lines. Mix with unlimited, and switch it up at anytime so you only pay for what you need. Its a different kind of Wireless Network designed to save you money. Save up to 400 a year on your wireless bill. Plus get 250 back when you buy a new samsung note. Click, call or visit a store today. Stephen good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org cheers and applause are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show