Who wants to trade . President please, just become a primarymontrading cheers and applause cart master. Get your primarymon Trading Cards today. Pow tim ryan identified what he collect them all now, because thought was the biggest threat moist of them dont have the but had a confusing explanation cash to make it to iowa. Why. China, without a question, theyre wiping us around the its the late show with Stephen Colbert. World. laughter tonight, make america debate again. Plus, stephen welcomes stephen and the award for best clip that sounds like it should have been bleeped goes to. Tim ryan for the weird representative alexandria ocasiocortez and musical guest incubus featuring jon batiste and stay thing about china wiping us. Human. cheers and applause and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert congratulations. Then it was time for closing cheers and applause statements. And it did not go great stephen welcome delaney. Its time now for closing statements. Each candidate has 45 seconds. We want to begin with former congressman delaney. Oh, yes im closing now . laughter jon. Jon live lets do it. Audience Stephen Stephen oh Stephen Stephen oh, joking now . Stephen stephen. Stephen hey its not easy to be hilarious and heartbreaking at the same time. Bravo, sir. And castro closed with the thanks, everybody nights biggest bilingual zinger. And on january 20, 2021, welcome. Welcome, one and all, to the well say adios to donald trump. Late show. Please, have a seat, everybody. Stephen strong words. Thank you so much. cheers and applause strong words. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Now we are live cheers and applause powerful statement. Thats a live thats a live i gotta say, a very powerful audience right there. It is just crackling with statement. Electricity in here because if only beto orourke would translate what that means. cheers and applause laughter weve got a great show for you jon shake, rattle and tonight, everybody. Roll. Stephen we are live after the first two of democratic president ial debates. For reaction to tonights debate i will be joined by alexandria im going to tell you all about it, if bill de blasio doesnt interrupt me. Ocasiocortez. laughter and then meanwhile. Stick around everybody. De tonight tonight, wednesday, was the undercard, pitting Elizabeth Warren, cory i will be joined by alexandria booker, and beto orourke against seven people angling for msnbc shows. Ocasiocortez. And then meanwhile. laughter stick around there were some challenges exciting night, but there were challenges. They talked over each other, there were some technical difficulties, but it was an excellent dress rehearsal for tomorrows actual debate. laughter very good. Very entertaining. Final preview. Final preview, we call that on broadway. Now, i tuned into nbc early, and what i saw got me really got me excited about the new the 2019 nissan kicks. Debate format. Tlets go mets go time daddy [ giggling ] unfortunately, that was ellens game of games. Ohhhh man. Though, that giant boot would took my hat off. [ to love somebody by bee gees playing ] thats crazy [ crowd cheering ] [ screaming ] lets go mets have been welcome any one of bill de blasios interruptions. Now, the biggest early moment was a linguistic surprise from beto orourke. This economy has got to work for everyone, and right now, we [ cheering ] know that it isnt. And its going to take all of us coming together to make sure that it does. Of certain cancers clater in life. K speaking spanish from an infection, Human Papillomavirus i knew widespread hpv is stephen im not entirely and while hpv clears for most, that might not be the case for him. Sure why he felt he had to do that. Hes either trying to lock up i knew his risk increases as he gets older. The hispanic vote or running for embarrassing dad at a mexican restaurant. I knew a vaccine could help protect him at age 11 or 12, laughter before he could be exposed. Heres the thing i knew so i talked to my childs doctor. applause now that you know that hpv can lead to certain cancers, d heres the crazy thing when dont wait. Talk to your childs doctor today. Beto was hablaing the espanol, this is true in the closed captioning, it just said speaking Foreign Language. I really like that really got through really penetrated Foreign Language . Can we get a look at nbcs closed captioning guy . Yeah, makes sense. laughter applause and cory booker was not having it. Check out the sideeye he gave beto. Damn that was going to be my thing. But the moderators werent ready to take speaks Foreign Language as an answer. Thats time, sir. Ill give you ten seconds to answer if you want to answer the direct question would you support a 70 individual marginal tax rate . Yes, no, or pass . Stephen as beto um. No hablo ingles. laughter right after beto, Julian Castro had a chance to speak. You know, i grew up with a mother who raised my brother, joaquin, and me as a single parent. And i know what its like. Stephen as castro . To actually speak spanish. cheers and applause the former congressman from maryland had a chance for a rebuttal. Congressman delaney, do you agree . Stephen and, congressman, keep in mind, this is the only time we will be calling on you. So if you speak spanish, or even pig latin, i would eakspay ityay ownay. laughter delaney tried to stand out from the crowd. You know, im very different than everyone else here on the stage. Stephen as delaney unlike the others, im just doing this on a dare from my brotherinlaw. Jokes on you, rick pay up im on stain. Washington governor jay inslee spoke about the massive wealth gap for american workers. It iss not right that the c. E. O. Of mcdonalds makes 2,100 times more than the people slinging hash at mcdonalds. Stephen as inslee you know, the workers slinging hash on the flattop, with two sunnysides on rye. Hi, im jay inslee, and i have never stepped inside a mcdonalds. cheers and applause with adam eve on a raft. Amy klobuchar tried to set herself apart from trump. The president literally went on tv, on fox, and said that peoples heads would spin when theyd see how much he would bring down pharmaceutical prices. Instead, 2,500 drugs have gone up in double digits since he came into office. cheers and applause instead, he gave 100 billion in stephen welcome back giveaways to the pharma companies. Give it up for jon batiste and for the rest of us, for the rest of america, thats what we call stay human right over there, everybody. Give it up for the band at home all foam and no beer. Jon come on come on stephen if thats a metaphor stephen jon, this is you frequently use, senator, exciting. Jon come on, now stephen i love a live then, as we say back in south show. Jon oh, yeah, its great. Carolina, im a shrimp sandwich in a thunderstorm. laughter kinetic energy. Stephen its amazing. Every candidate lit up when it jon live energy stephen great feeling. cheers and applause 7 incredible feeling to do this. Came to the subject of health care. Heres the good news, this is great feeling to do a live show. To stay the way it is, its a ton of fun. Because its not working for its very exciting. And we get to do it again families, but it sure as heck is tomorrow night. Well be live after tomorrow working for nights debate. Our guest will be Chris Christie tomorrow night. Well get a republican its time for us to make perspective on the democrats. Families come first. Governor inslee . But tonight, ladies and it should not be an option in the United States of america for gentlemen, my first guest is the any Insurance Company to deny a woman coverage for their 29yearold superstar exercise of their right of representative from the 14th choice. District of new york, please stephen nothing like welcome back to the late show, interrupting a woman to tell everyone that you care about the rights of women. Alexandria ocasiocortez. Thank you, governor. Thank you cheers and applause applause thank you. About 35 minutes into the debate, as the candidates were talking about the tragedy at the border, trump finally weighed hi oh, my gosh in tweeting, boring how exciting stephen its nice. Nice to have you back. Humanitarian catastrophes that thank you i directly caused . Been there. Literally done that stephen everywhere you go. And when the topic turned to the incredible border crisis, booker took oh, my gosh cheers and applause betos spanish and raised him mucho mas. Stephen i feel the same way. Well, congresswoman, first of speaking spanish all, thanks so much for being back here. Audience aoc stephen oh, snap aoc it is it is on aoc stephen were live it is on audiencea. O. C. it is a espanoloff or, as they say it in spanish, grupo de idiotas. Stephen cheers. Welcome back. Listen, happy debate night, cheers and applause first of all,. Happy debate night. I hope i said that right. Stephen and what stood i dont i dont speak foreign out to you tonight, other than there was a fair amount of language. By the way, guys, theres so spanish being spoken. Much spanish on stage, ice is closing in. There was, there was there get out of there was. Stephen now, as someone then, telemundo anchor jose with puerto rican heritage, did balart called beto on his that appeal to you . I loved it, because i represent the bronx, there was a lot of spanglish in the los talking points. speaking spanish building. I thought it was humorous, sometimes at times. Stephen as beto especially because sometimes the. Uh, that was not one of the content of the question, i thought people were just going to start saying, phrases i memorized, sir. You are speaking you are speaking Spanish Speaking a Foreign Language, i believe. Which means i will not give you an answer to your question. laughter but it was it was good. I thought it was a good gesture to the fact that we are a diverse country, so. Stephen what were some of if you go to Guantanamo Bay, the biggest moments to you. There are terrorists that are held that get Better Health care than those kids that have tried to cross the border into the in your group text chains, United States. Whats blowing up . I think sometimes with the stephen yes, lets send those kids to Guantanamo Bay debate stage this big, it can kind of seem like a high school wait, no. I take that back classroom, and so there are some two new moderators took over at folks that, like, didnt seem like they read the book, and half time Rachel Maddow and then they got called on. Chuck todd, which rawzed the laughter and then stephen anybody in particular . You know, you kind of like question is it possible this it depends on the question. Debate will have more hosts than candidates . Then complete and utter chaos. So so theyll answer the question or theyll get called many of you are calling for a on, and i dont think some candidates thought that they restoration of an assault were going to get called on, on a certain question. And theyll be like, yes, the weapons ban. Hero was courageous and the but en if protagonist of the story. St. Everybodys mics are on. laughter i think we have a i heard and moby dick was the whale. That, too. I think we have a mic issue in yes, yes. Stephen people have been the back. We have the audience audio. Talking about leading up to this, people have been talking stephen im sorry, as i about there are so many candidates on stage its kind of was saying, obviously, this is a deeply sensitive and tragic a combination of speed dating and a first date. Issue, and now it appears that a the first debate, who do you burch of spray dogs have wandered on to the stage. The dogs are now humping bill think gets asked back for a de blasios leg. Second date here . I think Elizabeth Warren gets control room asked back. Control room were hearing the humping stephen i think so, too cheers and applause . Stephen i think she can we turn off the mic that we knocked it out of the park. For some reason put on bill de i think she knocked it out of blasios leg . The park. Thank you very much i think julio castro did a but dhai got that fixed and they fantastic job tonight. applause . Stephen wow, your spanish kept going, but not really. Accent is really good saying his but, even if its put in name. You sounded like beto orourke, place there are still going to great there. Ct. Ihink b the be perhaps hundreds of millions of guns still on the streets. I ink there were some is there a role for the federal surprises, too. Stephen what about mayor de blasio . You know, i think he was government in order to to play in order to get these guns off good. He was i think what i have the streets . Learned, too, going to d. C. Is not everyone is accustomed to speaking in background . Being a new yorker, and i have whats happening . To work with iowans and we are hearing our colleagues audio. Minnesotans and stuff. If the control room could turn and theyre like, hey, relax, off the mics. Take it down a bit yeah, if the control room could and im like, what do you turn off the mics of our mean previous moderators. But you know what . The country has worked with new laughter yorkers. You know, we prepared for we have to atone, i think, for the one we have in the white everything. Guess what, guys. House now. So we owe we owe the country we did not prepare for this. Stephen wow, that is good new yorkers. Really embarrassing to have a stephen that would be live show where you dont know nice. That would be nice. That would be nice. Whose mics are on whose mics are applause , you know, there were underdogs tonight you were an underdog. Yeah. Off speaking in background stephen you know. Were any of the underdogs really people are talking about the thing youre trying to ask surprise you tonight . Questions about the entire time what about tim ryan . That youre talk. What about john delaney . People behind you are just laughter and could you pick them out in a talking on their microphones the lineup if you had to . Uhm, i think that. A lot entire time. And, jon. A. You got to get some ste, jon. Im trying to do the monologue. Of laughter your mic is on. You know, sometimes youre an this is live. Jon yeah, i know it is. Underdog until youre not. Its going great, i think. Stephen okay. So they could still break out. I was really just trying to see , you know, theres always a if you wanted to get something to eat after this. Chance, but. laughter ill be ill be honest. laughter i really do think that this was stephen yeah, chinese a breakaway night, and i think that there was like, i think would be great once all of that cleared up, maddow asked jay Elizabeth Warren really distinguished herself. I think julio castro really inslee about his centr distinguished himself. I i think cory booker did a campaigne. Were hn miami, which is great job in talking about criminal justice, and i think already experiencing serious there were communities that got flooding on sunny days as a result of sea level rise. Centered tonight. Does your plan save miami . The Trans Community got centered yes. Tonight. The immigrant community got centered tonight. laughter and i think that those that stephen that is the was an extraordinary moment as well. Biggest softball a president ial stephen do you think the debate moderators brought up the candidate can hope for. Subjects that needed to be brought up . Was there anything you wished i dont care what anyone says, they had talked about tonight that didnt get addressed . I believe the people of this i dont think that we are great city should not drown discussing Climate Change the way we need to be discussing no, i i dont Climate Change. cheers and applause applause in our country. It is such a huge, broad, and while they were talking Climate Change, john delaney did his best to yank the spotlight systemic issue, and you cant over to his corner. Just say, is miami going to i introduced the only exist in 50 years . Bipartisan carbon tax bill we need to say, what are you secon. Stephen and thats why i going to do about this . And i know theres a lot of lost my congressional seat, folks, a lot of young people rachel. Card on the table, guys. That have been mobilizing for an i need this job. Im entire climate debate in the democratic caucus. I think its a good idea, because when it comes to Climate Change applause Climate Change is an infrastructure issue. Its a jobs issue. Its an energy issue. Its a Foreign Policy issue. And we cant just talk about the copacabana. You know what i mean . Stephen so this is the first one. This is the first debate. Tomorrow night, we have the big bs. Youve got biden. Youve got buttigieg. Youve got bernie. And you said, i believe this morning, if im not mistaken, youre quoted as implying that joe biden is not necessarily the safe choice people think he is. Yeah. Stephen what do you mean by that . Well, i think first of all, i think its dangerous to assume that any candidate is a quote unquote safe choice. You pick one candidate and thats just going to deliver an election for you. But with respect to Vice President biden and to its more about an overall electoral strategy, i think. And i think theres this idea that we have to sacrifice everything, that we cant talk about working class issues, that we cant talk about criminal justice issues, that we cant talk about immigration because it isolates this very small sliver of obamatotrump voters. And i think that thats a mistake. Because if we sacrifice the issues of so many communities, i think we depress turnout. And what we need is more people to turn out next year than have ever turned out in American History cheers and applause . Stephen we have to take a quick break here. But when we come back, ill ask the congresswoman about some of the investigations into President Trump being taken up by one of the committees you actually sit on. Well be right back. Stick around. Investigations into President Trump being taken up President Trump being taken up by one of the committees you actually sit on. Well be right back. Stick around. Start reconnecting. Start something priceless. 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Is winning the debate tonight. cheers and applause and i forget, who have you endorsed . Who did you endorse in the democratic i have encored no one yet. Stephen youre not prepared to do that tonight . No, absolutely not. Stephen we found out last night and it was very upsetting to the president that Robert Mueller is going to testify before two committees in congress, starting on july 17. cheers and applause thats exciting. Uhhuh. Stephen thats exciting. Youve called for an impeachment of the president. Do you think that his testimony will amplify those calls or accelerate those calls . Yeah, i think so, i think so, in that we have had the Mueller Report released. But its not as though every single american has kind of thumbed through and read through the entirety of the report. So so i think having him in front of congress physically testifying and explaining to the american people, quite frankly, the scandalous contents of the report. Were talking about a report that at its core says that President Trump put himself first in order and at the cost of our National Security and our entire electoral the security of our entire electoral system. When he explains that and how he testifies that i think will clarify to a lot of people exact lets gravity of what were dealing with here. Stephen correct me if im wrong here, youre on the House Oversight and finance committees. Yeah, i was just roasting Kellyanne Conway and then i got a plane over here, so. cheers and applause . Stephen so in what way so have you have you called her to testify . Yes. So we actually sent a subpoena to her this morning. We called her in cheers and applause i mean, seriously, we called her in to the committee, because she has violated what is known as the hatch act. Youre not supposed to use your official office for a partisan campaign purpose. You can do that on your own time. You can do that when you go in your capacity as an adviser on the trump campaign. But you cant say, i, you know, as a white house official endorse x or y policy. So shes done that dozens of times. We asked her to come in, and and she didnt. So it was just, like, this empty table that just says ms conway there, and she went on fox friends. Its like when you call in sick to work and someone finds you at, like, the Grocery Store or something. Its like that. Its like, youre getting a subpoena cheers and applause . Stephen so what is the what is the actual hello stephen what is the actual mechanism you guys have to compel her . Can you send the arms to drag her to capitol hill. Well, we can fine her. We can i believe she can go to jail. She can be put in jail. cheers and applause stephen please, dont chant lock her up. We dont need that. Too soon. Too soon. But i think, overall, this is a rule of law in the United States. And the hatch act, you know, it applies to all federal workers. And one of the things i said is at the beginning of this year, we had 800,000 federal workers that went without a paycheck due to the government shutdown. And they were not allowed to organize politically, despite the fact that they couldnt pay their mortgages or pay for their babies diapers and here she is going on fox friends violating the law that plenty of hardworking americans are honor each and every day. This is not about a rule of law that the rich and the powerful are exempt from and working people are more prone to. Rule of law means that the law applies to every single person. And thats what naiks radical, and thats what makes this country fair in a democracy and so. Stephen well, thank you so much for being here. We have to go now. Sorry to cut you off there. Thank you for being here. And also, happy First Anniversary of getting the nomination for your seat. Thats today. Congresswoman alexandria ocasiocortez, everybody well be right back with meanwhile. Today. 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Whats in your wallet . cheers and applause one more time for the band come on jon yeah stephen jon batiste, stay human, and the dap kings tonight. Welcome back, everybody. You know, i spend a lot of time over there every night, carefully kneading and stretching the news into an artisanal, handtossed monologue. But sometimes i like to gather up all the scraps of dough and leftover flour lumps, crumble them up and throw them on top of whatever almost expired fruit i have lying around, throw some egg wash on there and pop it in the oven at 350 for about 35 minutes, to make the crispy cobbler of news that is my segment cheers and applause delicious and nutritious. Meanwhile. Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian has debuted a new line of body makeup. And she hyped it up by tweeting this video of gloop being laboriously troweled into her skin. Perfect for anyone with a job where you dont wear pants. Or touch any furniture. Kims body makeup raises a lot of questions. Mainly, does it come with this manservant who does the application for you . Oh, jeffries, dont forget the back of my knees and my underbutt but telling women that doing their face isnt enough, now they need to slather their whole bodies, is a little harsh. Theres no way people are going to fall for and its already completely sold out. Which is why Kim Kardashian has also released body makeup for your insides. This organperfecting Foundation Goes down easy. The applicicatore hard to swallow. And if that doesnt work, theres another brown liquid i pour inside my body to feel more attractive. cheers and applause ill tell you, just two or three applications, and id take me home. laughter meanwhile, in tv news, more than 20,000 christians have signed a petition calling for the cancellation of the tv show good omens. the problem is they sent it to netflix, but the show is on amazon prime. They have also demanded that abc cancel, the cbs evening news. Good omens is about a devil and an angel teaming up to save the world. Petitioners claim the show makes satanism appear normal, light and acceptable, mocks gods wisdom, and arent happy that god is voiced by a woman, frances mcdormand. Well, okay, thats where theyre wrong. God isnt voiced by frances mcdormand. God is frances mcdormand. applause as it says in the famous poem, when you saw only one set of footprints in the sand, it was then that i was on the set shooting fargo. meanwhile, in booze you can use news, Dave Matthews, whos had his own line of wines for years now, recently unveiled the new addition of a california rosee. According to matthews, its a waking up wine, a rosee so delicious that people should get out of bed and drink it. applause should they, though . Because drinking first thing in the morning means one of two things youre a 26yearold at brunch, or were a half an hour into Dave Matthews episode of behind the music. Well be right back with a performance by incubus. applause well be right back with a performance by incubus. applause theres two of them. Theyre multiplying. No, guys, its me. See, im real. Im real he thinks hes real. Geico. Over 75 years of savings and service. Oohh, hot stuff theyall over my nachos hot . Walkin like a taco driving over potholes hotter than a pot roast fingers on my hot chips red handed come on man now im a need some chopsticks i want it that way i want it that way the original, now its hot. Wherever you are. Whatever youre craving. And whenever youre craving it. Doordash has the restaurants you want. Delivered to your door. Wherever your door happens to be. Download doordash. The most restaurants across america. First order, 0 delivery fee. Honey, we are seriouslynternet keeping up with the joneses. We are seriously keeping with the andersons. We are finally keeping up with the fords. Keeping up with the garcias. Keeping up with the harveys. With the wahhthewahh. 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Performing drive, ladies and gentlemen, incubus cheers and applause sometimes i feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear and i, i cant help but ask myself how much i let the fear take the wheel and steer its driven me before and it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal but lately im beginning to find that i should be the one behind the wheel whatever tomorrow brings ill be there with open arms and open eyes, yeah whatever tomorrow brings ill be there ill be there so if i decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive will i choose water over wine and hold my own and drive its driven me before and it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around but lately im beginning to find that when i drive myself my light is found whatever tomorrow brings ill be there with open arms and open eyes, yeah whatever tomorrow brings ill be there ill be there would you choose would you choose water over wine whos going to drive you home tonight whos going to drive you home tonight hold the wheel and drive whatever tomorrow brings ill be there with open arms and open eyes, yeah whatever tomorrow brings ill be there ill be there cheers and applause stephen tickets for the tour are on sale now. Incubus, everybody well be right back. you cant be serious with twizzlers. cheers and applause stephen thats it for the late show. Tune in tomorrow for another live show, following the next debate, with governor Chris Christie. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen,