Usa team i sincerely regret my actions. Apparently in the 11 seconds darryl was part of the team, he managed to harass everyone. He did leave a statement im sorry, and then he also traced his penis. Its the late show with stephen colbert. Tonight, on the chopping block, steven welcomes kate winslet. Laura bonante. Featuring John Baptiste and stay human. And live from the ed sullivan theater its stephen colbert. Whats going on guys . Nice to see you. Nice to see you all. Hey, welcome to late show. Nice. Thanks so much, everybody. My gosh. Wow. Please have a seat. Thank you so much. What a lovely crowd. Welcome. One and all. Ladies and gentlemen, to the late show, im your host, stephen colbert. Now, folks, you know, i love my job. Unlike secretary of state and man with resting kill me face, rex tillerson. But tillersons long nightmare of National Service may soon be over. Today we learned the white house has a plan to force out secretary of state tillerson. Yes, its a complicated plan. That involves telling him he can go and then plastering over the wrecked shape hole in his office wall. Tillerson was always kind of an unusual pick for secretary of state. He was a multimillionaire Oil Executive with no diplomatic experience. Though he wasnt afraid to stand up to some of the worlds most dangerously unhinged leaders, he called one of them a moron. He has clearly clashed with President Trump at one point he proposed an iq faceoff with tillerson meet at dawn, bring a loaded number two pencil. This is important. Golf rules, low score wins. Ok . And boom. Like that. Like that. But tillerson is for the ready to leave just yet. According to reports, he was intent ton finishing out the year to retain whatever dignity he could. Dear santa, all i want is the dignity to work for a moron until christmas. And more delicious oil. There have been plenty of signs that tillerson is not happy. This is is what he said while looking at a statue in switzerland switzerland. Some days i feel like i need to do that. Ag ag yeah. Yeah. This does feel pretty good. We didnt time how long it would take me to stand up. Did we . The white house denied that tillerson is on the way out. This afternoon in an appearance with the crown prince. The president expressed his strong confidence in the secretary secretary. Rex is here. Yeah, hes fired. Darling are we getting divorced . Youre here. Youre still here. But still, still,. Its refreshing for a powerful moon man being fired for something other than flashing his junk. He apparently plans to replace tillerson with mike pompey, kushner with Jeff Sessions and sessions with a button that fires robert mueller. Meanwhile, the Trump Administration is veering dangerously close to accomplishment. Because the gop tax bill looks like it will pass. Yes. After months of i know, but after months of clenching and pushing looks like the republicans may finally pinch out a steaming loaf of legislation. The Nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office found the Senate Version of these cuts would create a 1. 4 trillion hole in the budget. I dont even cut everyones taxes equally. By 2027, people making 40 to 50,000 a year will pay a combined 5. 3 billion more in taxes while the group earning 1 million or more will get a 5. 8 billion dollar cut. Dont worry, that will trickle down to the rich when they throw their money in the air and dance underneath it in joy. Whoa, whoa, whoa thats actually very enjoyable. The bill also provides a lucrative break for golf course owners and those who own or lease private planes private planes. I put on my pants the same way you do, one butler at a time. Yesterday trump claimed the bill was not good for him i think my accountants are going crazy. This will cost me a fortune. Believe me. I dont believe you. I dont believe you. Because truth is trump could save more than a billion dollars under his new plan. With that kind of cash, he can quit that dead end government job. One former congressional staffer put it best when he said this bill is not aimed at growth the middle class. It is at every turn carefully engineered to deliver a kiss to the donor class and judging by the bill, they didnt kiss them on the mouth. And. Ugh i speak of the but hole. And there are a lot of things jammed in that bill that dont have anything to do with taxes such as the lifting of a 1954 ban on political activism by churches. When youre at mass this christmas, expect to see jesus with a new look. Were all aware that yesterday matt lauer was fired from the today show for Sexual Misconduct is including exposing himself and giving colleagues sex toys as gifts. You do not want matt lauer as your secret santa but, no, right down the chimney. But theres one man, there is one man, dont boo me, i didnt do it. There was one man with the courage to defend Matt Lauer Fox news contribute or, rivera who tweeted highly skilled and empathetic and a real gentleman to my family and me, news is a flirty business, seems like current epidemic of sex harassment allegations may be criminalizing court ship. Yes, matt lauer wasnt sexually harassing women, it was good old Fashion Court ship. Sex toy, my lady . A puddle, a puddle before your feet. Allow me to lay my penis across it. So you may pass. For your pleasure. What hark i have bundled my bits and pieces in a corsage. May i pin inter . He know that is a gentleman exposing himself to her father first, sir, id like to ask for your daughters hand in my pants. We got great show. Kate winslet is here. But i sit down with first lady milania trump. Stick around. How do they make starburst taste so juicy . They use wicked small fighter jets to shoot the juiciness into every starburst. [ pilot ] its about to get juicy. Whoo i feel so aliii. It takes guts. [ female announcer ] starburst. Unexplainably juicy. Im here to talk to you about how at t gives you more. And so am i. Like how when you buy the amazing new iphone 8 you get another one on us. See we give you more phones and more spokespeople. Are you guys doing a spokesperson thing right now . Yes. Awesome, can i be in it . Well, its kind of like a twophone deal. So two spokespeople. Got it. K. Thanks. At t its time for more. Its time for more. Buy the amazing iphone 8 at at t and get a second one to gift, on us. With advils fast relief, youll ask, what pulled muscle . What headache . Nothing works faster to make pain a distant memory. Advil liquigels and advil liquigels minis. What pain . Has crazy low prices. Do you know how we do it . Inis. How . Bargainomics say, if california has a bumper crop and produces too many oranges. Or a winemaker in sonoma suddenly has 1000 bottles too many. Weve got namebrand, topquality groceries priced 4070 off every day. Bargainomics. Thats our Business Model. And our Business Model is. Delicious. Grocery outlet bargain market. Give it up for the band, john baptise and stay human right over there. John. I notice you have a slightly young basist joining the band its your father, michael baptiste. Give it up for michael right there. Michael good to see you again. I know weeds you last night. Is there any chance could ico convince you to stay for friday as well . Is that possible . You can stay with me. All right. Well well. You know, folks, President Trump has been very tough on immigrants but it hasnt all been deportations. Hes alongside detaining some foreigners against their will. For instance, milania. Now, im not sure that the first lady is happy in washington, dc. Just look at this recent tweet from her communications director. The holidays are upon us, right now, flotus is seeing to every last detail at the white house. Thats great, lets take a look at the photo of the festive holiday decorations, she tweeted along with it. Ga a a which holiday is that for . St. Gar lons feast of human . Come children your christmas guests are lear, those pale young girls we all thought died of the plague theyre waiting for their kiss in the hall of eternal shadow. Beneath the missing missile toe. She shared a video of that same hallway looking a lot more cheerful with the lights on as well as a beautiful look at the white houses official Christmas Tree but thats not all the first lady has to deal with. Shes once again getting flack from trumps first wife, ivana trump. She was out promoting her new memoir i have the direct number to the white house but i not really want to call him there because milania is there i dont want to cause any jealous im basically first trump wife, im first lady. Youch. Milania didnt like that too much. Clapping right back in statement. Theres clearly no substance to the statement from an exx, this is attention seeking and selfserving noise. To be fair, attention seeking and selfserving noise is the motto in the trump family. And sounds better in latin. And just this weekend, i ivana was at it again. She said this on a talk show in ireland. I mentioned this when we were talking about you earlier on you were the first lady. Well, i said im first trump lady. Do you think shes doing a good job as first lady milania i think shes trying her best. Meow. With all this going on i feel bad for the first lady i wanted to give her equal time to respond. Please welcome back to the late show, first lady milania trump. Madam first lady thank you. Hello steven, thank you for having me i want you to feel like the late show is your home can i move in here its just a saying, madam first lady youve been in the news a lot. Lets with ivana trump thats what my husband did but then he moved on. Settle down there. Were you hurt by ivanas comments they did not affect me, stephen. I want mrs. Trump know i have tremendous admiration of respect for i ivanka her name is ivana. I know. But the real issue here is bullying. No one should be subjected to cruel and base less insults. Thats why when she goes low, i go bye, bitch. Make a nice bumper sticker. According to recent reports, you didnt even want to be first lady. Is there any truth to that this is a lie, im happy to be first lady. Look at me being happy. Im you have a beautiful smile. Off beautiful smile. Well, im so glad to hear, madam first lady because sounds like youre one who convinced your husband to jump into the race in the first place. Sounds like you told him quote your friends of tired of this trip tease. Is that true yes, no one can stand his strip tease. I usually stop watching around the time he gets his belt buckle tangled in his giant tie youre really happy yes. In fact, i was recently treated with special white house ballet performance by wonderful ballerinas, there i am alone on my staircase of happiness, admiring their freedom of movement. Fly away little birds. Fly away. That looks lovely. And we saw how much care you put into decorating the white house for christmas more proof of my happiness is how much i love to decorate. Its so merry the stringing of the lights, the baking of the cookies and santa claus, such an inspiration to me. How so . Well, if you can come down a chimney to go into a house, then you can go up a chimney to get out of a house. I have gotten all the family christmas stockings and tied them into a rope. Merry christmas to all and to all a goodbye. Milania trump, everybody. Steve martins meteor shower on broadway right now. Well be right back with kate winslet. All smartphones are more or less the same, right . But this is the moto z. Hello moto. Can your phone turn into a projector . Because a 70 inch projection beats any phone screen. And they might be bragging about portrait mode. But can your phone go beyond and transform into a real 360 camera . Its time to reinvent your smartphone. Its time to move on. Moto mods on the new moto z, from motorola. Available at all major carriers. Why . Terrible toilet paper ill never get clean way ahead of you. Charmin ultra strong. It cleans better. Its four times stronger and you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. Hi, i need your help. Ive been trying to find a knee specialist. But nobody has an opening for months you cant always control your feelings. Oh, i found one innetwork next tuesday. But unitedhealthcare can help you control your care. Thanks, stephanie. Unitedhealthcare i am a First Responder tor and iemergencies 24 hours a day, everyday of the year. My children and my family are on my mind when im working all the time. My neighbors are here, my friends and family live here, so its important for me to respond as quickly as possible and get the power back on. Its an amazing feeling turning those lights back on. Be informed about outages in your area. Sign up for outage alerts at pge. Com outagealerts. Together, were building a better california. Welcome back, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen rick, my f guest is an mccain award winner you know from the reader eternal sunshine an little moved titanic, please welcome kate winslet. Winslet. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for being here. I just 88 an altoid so if i have the i had one before the show every night they normally make me sneeze, when youve had three children can be a bit of a problem i dont snort them i dont either, they just make me sneeze. I dont know why. Anyway im going to sip the water. We have the room about an hour. Hello. Hello its nice to meet you. We were talking back stage. I felt like ive met you before. But no, weve never met just a fan, i guess, even from way back in the day, heavenly creatures, which was your first movie the first yes. 24 years ago Something Like that since im such an old lady now, it was 25 years ago. You were literal al teenager at the time i was 17 how did that come about, its with one of my favorites directors Peter Jackson the film was about two young girls, one was english and one was from new see land, and my character was living in new see land with her family, they came to england and found a casting director in the u. K. To find someone who looked similar to the girl i ended up playing. What were you doing at 17 . I had were you an actress i had finished my school exams, and you see, contrary to what people often think about me people often think i must have all these, you know, diplomas and things and rubber stamps next to my name and crests and things and training and all this, i left school at 16 is and i want to work in a delicatessen to save money to get the train to london to go on i was additions, so i was working in a delicatessen saving money to go to london to go on i was addition you were making sandwich i was making sandwiches and id go to london and do the i was additions, it was about three months after my first audition they called me back. And the phone rang and it was the strangest thing there was something about the phone rang i thought its for me and the man who owned, kate, phone for me now, and im literally making a turkey sandwich. Ive got turkey in one hand and mayo in the other and i look at this guy and im so sorry, i i im so sorry, i cant make this sandwich for you anymore. And ran to the telephone and it was, i had this child agent and i never really got any jobs at all or a auditions. And she said well done you got the part and i had to leave work and go home. I got the bus and went home and told my family this was an agents for children, not a child agent it was an agent for children i want to make sure i know they do. They do. You took the bus to new z ealand from there. Yes, i did did your family come with you no, i went by myself and it was an amazing experience. I was quite i was probably quite grown up for my age more than probably most i think what lovelily people to go work for, Peter Jackson and fran i look back now, extraordinary story, but the script was so incredible and looking back at that time, there was so many boxes that i was able to take in that one first movie experience, i learned so much. And sort of became a template for me in terms of how i try and apply myself whenever im if you recollect figuring out a new character. Did you love new z ealand . Loved it so much, i have friends and family there and i know you had a trip there, isnt it the most incredible place you want to stay and say here i will be a man, the whole country looks like the world was just born minutes before its so very beautiful and theres nothing that can kill you, no predators they talk about that all the time. Theres nothing that will kill you, guys and its true. Youve been both in huge commercial successes, you know, like titanic, coming up on the 20th anniversary right now. Crazy. So strange small art house critical hits, how do you make the decision . So, you know, its the honest answer is i dont really know how i make the decision. What youre going to do i just kind of go on instincts its how the telephone ring honestly it can be the sound of the title. That sounds interesting. It can be the way, you know, title sits on the front, wow, that looks good. The name of the character, id quite like to play that character you literally judge a book by its cover no, i dont, theres lots of things like who the director is going to be will your kids weigh in they get very involved, my daughter is 17 and my son joe is about 14 and the little one there is nearly four but they do now theyre a little bit older and we sit down we have a big family pow wow. Mom read the script. Would love to do it do you have to say describe it i have to describe the whole story and they say yeah, you should definitely do that or they will say well, i dont know, you know, i dont know sort of my middle son sort of sounds like you kind of played that role before, mom, and ill be like, damn it, hes right. Forget it. Youre doing a new avatar yes, with avatar, dont even read the script, obviously, yes. Why, ok. Its not even a conversation. Its not just not up for discussion, you have to do it. Did they even ask, you know, are you one of the big blue creatures i dont ask any are you one of the big blue i dont think im allowed to say they said you can say. The guy said you can say. Are you a big blue creature . He would know. I am not allowed to say. Youre a big blue creature then, if you cant say then you are because if you say im a human, then you could just be like doing my character is so fantastic. And im so excited. Good and i should cant tell you anything else. An im so sorry. Is that going to shoot in new z ealand . They shot the first one at Peter Jacksons place in new seeland and i have been there and its spectacular so have i. You got you worked with Justin Timberlake on wednesday and hes in wonder wheel with you. He told me or i read that he shared a trailer with you. Thats true. So woody allen films are typically, theyre extremely low budget. But they really are. Like its not a pretend thing, leak theyre made with very little money and you just, you know what to expect when you get there and youre very much sharing trailers, which i didnt mind sharing with Justin Timberlake he kind of was intimidated by you. Well, thats ridiculous. He said that what made him nervous is that because the walls are so thin, i could hear him peeing. Its true. Yes. Its completely true. I would always be at work a little bit before justin. So i would get to work and i would put the kettle on and mistake myself a cup of tea being british and im afraid it is something that i do and i would know he was there because i would hear this trickling sounds. I would go, morning, darling. Morning. And i go, sing me a song. Would he sing you a song while he was wow. Yeah. I mean, you got come on. I had to ask him that should be in the movie it should be. In the movie, you play a character named ginny. So ginny, the film is called wonder wheel and its set in 1950 and ginny is an oyster bar waitress, she was once an actress, not a particularly if one and shes living a life that she didnt really think she would be living, she lives in coney island in the middle of an amusement arcade. And shes married to a man a played by jim blew she. Until she meets and falls in love with mickey the lifeguard played by Justin Timberlake and starts to imagine a different life until her stepdaughter, whos 21 years old and beautiful turns up and also takes a shining from mickey the lifeguard and this makes ginny lightly lose her mind. And do something quite terrible. We have a scene here where i think youre revealing your practicing im practicing so because ginny fancied herself as this great actress, which she really truly never was, she said in the film, i was in that play, i played one of the whores, that was the level of her career. Shes rehearsing. Shes admitting to the lifeguard, Justin Timberlake, shes really a married woman and shouldnt be having this life affair with him. I want to be honest with you, mickey. Im married. Im a married woman. I want to be honest with you, mickey. Im married woman. Im married. Mickey. I felt strange mentioning it. Now that you asked. I got myself into a bad situation. I got myself, i got myself into a bad situation. How hard must that be can i tell a little story . Of course. So i actually am really glad that you showed that clip, because woody allen is a really extraordinary artist and great director to work with. Before you start shooting hes a man of few words. I was quite nervous about the dialect because i thought i dont want to choose something that is going to offend him and practicing these different voices and i thought im just going to record a piece of dialogue into my iphone and ill just send it to him and say is this is what ive been working on, what do you think . It was that piece of dialogue that i sent to him with that he accent. With that accent and the response i got back after three agonizing days was very good nice job. I thought, ok, im in. But youre an actress pretending to be an actress practicing her lines. How did you practice practicing your lines as an actress being an actress actually, in terms of practicing lines, it was, the summer because we shot this movie last autumn and the summer was quite a White Knuckle ride preparation. And all of my out of work actor friends, i said ill cook for you, it will be all expenses, ill give you train fare, please come down and and have lunch with me. Five days well learn the lines and anyone i could find two help me, so even my little toddler, i would say to him, just sit there, darling, just sit and i would try and just do the lines just at him, just so i could feel like, and hes like what are you doing that silly voice for . Of course hes saying that ill run lines with you the next time youll hate it we have to take a little bit of a commercial break but dont go away, well be right back with were kate winslet, everybody. Shopping super easy. Like when you finally get home from the store but forgot that one thing. sigh just say, hey google, buy dog food. It knows that was a disaster and this ones your fave. And while youre doing that, it can do this. Google home mini okay, ordered coffee. And when you dont want to share everything with your family. sneezing yelling Google Home Mini reordering gummy vitamins. And you even get free delivery from here, here, here, and lots of other places with google express. Its Google Home Mini. Now only 29. Its Google Home Mini. The opioid my doctor prescribed backed me up. Big time. Ain before movantik, i tried to treat it myself. No go. But i didnt back down. I talked to my doctor. She said one, movantik was specifically designed for opioidinduced constipation. Oic. Number two . My movantik savings card can save me big time over the other things i tried. Dont take movantik if you have or had a bowel blockage. Serious side effects include opioid withdrawal, severe stomach pain, severe diarrhea, and stomach or intestinal tears. Tell your doctor about side effects and medicines you take. Movantik may interact with them causing side effects. Dont back down from oic. Talk to your doctor about movantik. And how you can have a 0 copay. Gives skin the moisture it needs and keeps it there longer with lockin Moisture Technology skin is petal smooth after all, a cleansers just a cleanser unless its olay. At tmobile, when you holiday together, great things come in twos. Like tmobile and netflix. Right now when you get an unlimited family plan, netflix is included. Ho ho ho tmobile covers your netflix subscription. Best Christmas Gift ever . So you can binge watch all year long. Now youre thinking christmas and now when you buy any of this seasons hot new Samsung Galaxy phones, you get a second one free to gift. Thats one samsung for you. And one to give. Tmobile. Holiday twogether. Hey, everybody, welcome back to the late show, already in progress. Were here with my new friend kate winslet. Kate, let me ask you this, were coming up on the 20th anniversary of titanic, have you seen it in the Movie Theater recently obviously not i dont know. Of course not. There are die hard titanic fans here at the late show and in the staff im feeling a little bit lovely. Ive got a separate card of questions here just from my staff. Well do a lightening rounds, are you ready to answer a couple of 20th interaction questions. How often do you listen to my heart will go on absolutely never. The sweaty hasnt print scene, the sex in the car, was that scripted and how sweaty did it get i dont think it was scripted we came up with it. It did get quite sweaty but we were spritzed down to make us look like we were in the throws of acting by bottle. Did you get did you really get pneumonia after filming the scene in the water no, but i did get hoop thermia you were really cold yeah, i was really cold. Why was it its pretend, why did they make it so cold . You get hypo thermia . Why didnt they act it. We did do a bit of acting. Why did it have to be cold ill tell you why. I think this is why. Because it was a big tank in time there were lots of big tanks and lots of water and that amount of water i think honestly they couldnt heat it. It was just too much of it. Could you keep a straight fate when you said draw me like one of your french girls. What kind of a question is that . Its a regular question, its not mine, somebody else wrote that. Could you keep a straight face i think i probably did. I should have laughed. I should have laugh and gone dont be ridiculous have your kids seen the movie half have they seen that part of the movie, no, i dont think so. Actually, no, i do remember covering my sons eyes. Or you could cover the screen one of those two no, because it was in a big Movie Theater, i forgot would about this bit, it was in 3d that makes eight totally different scene exactly coming at you he said can we go back to the hotel and get pudding . Yes, absolutely lets leave. Were leaving did leo draw that picture no, jim cameron drew it. Thats maybe no one knows that until this moment right now. Jim cameron drew it and he did sketch me but he did actually sketch me in bathing suit. In a bathing suit. Paramount wanted Matthew Mccon hey as jack i auditioned with matthew. Yes, i did, i auditioned with matthew it would have been totally different southern accent it wouldnt have been the whole jack and rose in the famous line you say ill never let you go, jack, but you do i lied. I know. You let him go. I know. I agree, i lie, i fully lie. I hold my hand up i let him go. Plus he just should have tried harder to get on that door. Because i think he could have we could reenact it now. Hold on. Were now running around the counter ok. Promise me, rose, promise me this, rose. What youll let me get up on that door with you come on, darling, theres room for two. Yes. Wonderful we done it. Wonderful wheel is in theaters tomorrow, kate winslet. Well be right back. On my way to something more youre that one i cant ignore im gonna miss you but real love is never a waste of time give extra. Get extra. but she always told me i dont mcare if you turn out, to be a great athlete or whatever but, you need to make sure you get your college degree. Sometimes i call the house, just to hear her voice. phone ringing answering machine hi, leave a message after the beep. beep hey mom, this is larry. I just want to let you know that uh, i fulfilled the promise that you held me to. Love you. beep . New charmin ultra soft its softer than ever. New charmin ultra soft is softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird. Enjoy the go with charmin i need you baby you can make my heart go round you ohh camera shutter clicks you can make my heart go round ahhhh whoooo ohh, ohhohhohhohh baby cough its just a cough. If you could see your cough, youd see just how far it can spread. Robitussin soothes in seconds and delivers fast, powerful cough relief for hours. giggling robitussin dm max. Because its never just a cough. Stephen and now, performing sadboy from their new album, visions of a life, ladies and gentlemen, wolf alice cheers and applause who hurt you, sadboy . Theres a dark cloud above your head who hurt you, sadboy . You act like youre already dead but you think too much hey, you think too much who hurt you, fashion boy . Theres a dark cloud above your head who hurt you, sadboy . You act like youre already dead but you think too much hey probably drink too much hey bathe in that blue light baby cause here comes the night your truest friend i was waiting waiting for anything to happen waiting for a love i was just waiting for this not to hurt i was waiting waiting for anything to happen waiting for a love i was just waiting for this not to hurt i was waiting waiting for anything to happen waiting for a love i was just waiting for this not to hurt waiting for anything to happen waiting for a love i was just waiting for this not to hurt cheers and applause stephen catch them on tour now, wolf alice, everybody well be right back. [vo] progress is an unstoppable force. The season of audi sales event is here. Audi will cover your first months lease payment on select models during the season of audi sales event. Stephen well, thats it for the late show, everybody. Please tune in tomorrow when my guests will be Carol Burnett and lewis black. Now stick around for james corden and his guests, Bryan Cranston and timothy chalamet. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show