Tonight, stephen welcomes mark ruffalo. Chris matthews. Gilbert gottfried. And thundercat, sitting in with jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey how are you . Hey, chris whats going on . Thats right, thats right. Whats going on, you all. Please, have a seat, youre too kind. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Ladies and gentlemen, happy halloween. cheers and applause everybodys in the spirit. The white house eve decorated. Pretty spooky. Even spookier was this picture melania tweeted of her view from the inside. laughter they actually make it look that way all year long so she doesnt try to escape. laughter this year, i decided to dress up, my costume. Im a latenight talk show host. Were like vampires we only come out after dark, and were extremely pale. Of course, its a scary time for donald trump. I believe it was Michael Jackson who said no ones gonna save you from the beast about to strike cause this is Mueller Mueller night cheers and applause now, ghouls and goblins, join me for tonights twisted tale of terror, the fall of the house of trumper. Our story so far yesterday, special prosecutor Robert Mueller indicted Trump Campaign chairman and maitre d at a gangsterthemed pizzeria, paul manafort, on 12 charges, including conspiracy against the United States, which i believe is a legal term meaning getting trump elected. laughter now, manafortee indictment if im not mistaken, manaforts indictment was expected and trumps thumbs were standing guard on castle tweetmore the fake news is working overtime. As Paul Manaforts lawyer said, there was no collusion and events mentioned took place long before he dot, dot, dot. Dot, dot, dot, dot, came to the campaign. laughter ironclad defense. Ironclad defense. Dont blame me. I happen to know he was a criminal before i hired him. cheers and applause now, notice very interesting, very interesting notice. You notice his nocollusion witness is manaforts lawyer . O. J. Did not do it. Johnnie cochran swore to me on a stack of bloody gloves. Honestly, i think hillary is the real killer. Okay, they saw this one coming, manafort, but what nobody saw coming was that mueller got a guilty plea from Trump CampaignForeign Policy adviser and limo driver that wont stop asking you if you party, george papadopoulos. And heres the thing papadopoulos was secretly arrested by mueller months ago, and since then, has turned states evidence, working for mueller as a roactive cooperator. Yes, proactive cooperator. That sounds like a fancy name for a cheap date. But what does it mean, Jeffrey Toobin . What this says to me is that papadopoulos, between july and october, was wearing a wire. Stephen ooh, papadopolicious. laughter needless to say, the white house folks were caught with their pants. Crapped. laughter as one senior republican put it, the walls are closing in, and everyone is freaking out. Oh, are they . Do they wake up every morning feeling overwhelming dread that something terrible is happening in our country that they have no control over . I have no idea how that feels. If i drink enough. cheers and applause welcome to the club but this morning, donald trump rummaged through the take a lie, leave a lie tray and came up with this few people knew the young, low level volunteer named george, who has already proven to be a liar. Check the dems we did check with the dems. They feel pretty good about this. But nice of you to ask. laughter and youre right, he did lie to the f. B. I. , to protect you, which is why he was arrested. laughter now, according to trump, george is just some random young person hes barely heard of, like tiffany. laughter jon oooh stephen really . Really . Jon oooh laughter cheers and applause stephen well, if thats true, sir, then how come you said this when you were asked who your Foreign Policy advisors were stephen excellent guy. Horrible conspirator. But as a person, just the tops. Mr. President , if you still cant remember him, here he is with you at a meeting so pale, that greek is the diversity hire. laughter , of course, yesterday yesterday . Is this yesterday . White house spokesperson and angry woman behind you at target, Sarah Huckabee sanders, tried to explain that picture away. This individual was the member of a volunteer Advisory Counsel that met one time over the course of a year. He was a volunteer on, again, a counsel that met once, that met one time. Im telling you that he was a volunteer member of an Advisory Counsel that literally met one time. Stephen and im telling you, that literally doesnt matter. Did you not go to health class . Collusion is like pregnancy it only takes the one time, girl. Protect yourself. cheers and applause its true you gotta double bag. Double bag your career. So nobody knew this lowlevel Campaign Worker except trump, who made him a Foreign Policy advisor. It makes sense he named his garden gnome attorney general laughter except except answer my riddles three. Thats not party gnome. Im not sure what that reference is, but i liked it. Except they did know him because papadopoulos was emailing about russia with top trump staff, including paul manafort, former Campaign Manager corey lewandowski, and Trump National campaign cochairman and Colonel Sanders getting high on his own supply, sam clovis. laughter now, when papadopoulos wrote to ask clovis about going to russia to collude, clovis replied. I would encourage you. To make the trip, if it is feasible. Well, thats nice. Betray your country, but only if its no bother you know, like, on your way home, could you pick up some bread, some eggs, and half a gallon of treason . Now, this email from clovis sounds damning, but clovis lawyer explains that his client is a polite gentleman from iowa who would always have been courteous to a person offering to help the campaign. Why, shucks, youve gone to all this trouble. It would be rude not to engage in an International Conspiracy to undermine our democracy. Go on. So things are looking bad for the white house, and they cant wriggle their way out of this one. Its as if its as if all of their lies have suddenly come back to entangle the white house in some sticky mesh of interwoven threads. Whats the metaphor im looking for . Yeah, yeah, thats right, thats right. Yeah. cheers and applause i gotta say jon i like that. Stephen this could be for trump, it could be the spookiest halloween ever, because im pretty sure mueller is ready to drop off a few more flaming bags of poop. We have a great show for you tonight mark ruffalo is here. Hulk but when we return, a special salute to general john kelly. Stick around. How do they make starburst taste so juicy . They use wicked small fighter jets to shoot the juiciness into every starburst. [ pilot ] its about to get juicy. Whoo i feel so aliii. It takes guts. [ female announcer ] starburst. Unexplainably juicy. Just go to bed. Aveeno® positively radiant® overnight facial. Get the benefits of a spa facial. Overnight. Aveeno®. Naturally beautiful results® aveeno®. 60 of women are wearing the wrong size pad and can experience leaks discover always my fit. Find the number thats right for your flow and panty size on the top of any always pack. The better the fit, the better it protects. Always. Behold the power of energizer® ultimate lithium™. Music the 1 longestlasting battery. Dude. Yodude. Unchings stheyre just jealous. Kelloggs raisin bran crunch c and the taste of apples and strawberries. I got one guess were having cereal for dinner. Kelloggs raisin bran crunch apple strawberry. Made with 100 ribeye beef, fresh spring mix and provalone cheese on a potato bun. R im inviting the whole industry to try it. Of course ill protect their identities. Like this. Try my first ever ribeye burgers. Introducing fast foods first made with 100 ribeye beef, fresh spring mix and provolone cheese on an artisan potato bun. Yep, nailed it come try my new ribeye burgers. Only at jack in the box. band playing cheers and applause give it up for the band right there, jon batiste and stay human. And let me tell you, folks, jon, weve got a lot more weve knot a lot more show tonight, but jon would you please introduce to the people out there and the people at home the talented young man with the band tonight. Jon we have thundercat with the band hey, steve. Stephen always good to see you. Your critically acclaimed album, drunk, came out earlier this year. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me, seriously. Wonderful, wondful. Id like to be in a glass of bourbon right now. Speaking of things that are on television, like our show right now, last night, white house chief of staff and doctor who sees something he doesnt like on your xray, john kelly, was over on the fox news and offered his opinion about all the confederate stat use being taken down. I think we make a mistake, though, as a society, and certainly as individuals, when we take what is today accepted as right and wrong and go back 100, 200, 300 years or more. Its inconceivable to me that you would take what we think now and apply it back then. Stephen nope, sorry, lot of people thought slavery was wrong back then, for example im going to go out a limb here black people. In 1850, the United States had 3. 2 million slaves. I think their yelp review would have been pretty bad but kellys historical scholarship didnt stop there. He also had an interesting take on the root causes of the civil war. The lack of an ability to compromise led to the civil war. Stephen and, of course, we all remember john wilkes booths famous cry as he shot lincoln, cant we at least talk about this . What do you mean there was a lack of compromise . The civil war happened because of compromise the missouri compromise, the threefifths compromise. Youre a general, and you dont know why the civil war happened . What do you think caused world war ii, a zoning issue . laughter i vant to build a strip mall in the sudetenlands. Maybe some mixed use housing in poland. Whats so wrong with that . Maybe, maybe im being unfai laughter and maybe a lack of compromise really was at the heart of the civil war. I mean, take this letter from confederate soldier buford Nathaniel Jessup to his wife. My dearest elizabeth, i regret to say that the tide has turned against us here at antietam. The union army steadfastly refuses compromise. We keep saying, maybe we can just have slaves, like, monday wednesday, friday . and theyre all like, naw. and its like, okay, what about every other weekend . but they wont give us any slaves. Theyre being total nazis abou laughter this, which is weird because nazis arent even a thing yet. Well, ive just been bayoneted by my brother, got to go. Or maybe true story kelly knows better and is just being willfully ignorant, because as the chief of staff, hes now forced to defend the positions of an idiot. But we can not judge john kelly by todays standards. He said it yesterday. laughter well be right back with mark ruffalo. Show you the way parsley. Cilantro. Spinach. Basil. Toothpicks . Campbells slow kettle chef crafted soups. Mm can i get some more spinach . Made for real, real life. Hey, need fast try cool mint zantac. It releases a cooling sensation in your mouth and throat. Zantac works in as little as 30 minutes. Nexium can take 24 hours. Try cool mint zantac. No pill relieves heartburn faster. Depend real fit briefs feature breathable, cottonlike fabric. In situations like this, theres no time for distractions. Its not enough to think im ready. I need to know im ready. No matter what lies ahead. Get a free sample at depend. Com. engine roaring i i will be king and you. Drink, sir . You will be. No, thanks. engine revving im still driving. Will drive them away we can be heroes. And i am a senior Public Safety my namspecialist for pg e. My job is to help educate our First Responders on how to deal with natural gas and electric emergencies. Everyday when we go to work we want everyone to work safely and come home safely. I live right here in auburn, i absolutely love this community. Once i moved here i didnt want to live anywhere else. I love that people in this community are willing to come together to make a difference for other peoples lives. Therwere building a better california. I love that people in this community are willing to come band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome back to the show. Folks, youu know my next guest from foxcatcher and spotlight. Hes now returning as the incredible hulk in thor ragnarok. Where have you been . Everybody thought you were dead so much has happened since i last saw you. I lost my hammer, like, yesterday, so thats still pretty fresh. Loki, loki is alive. You can believe it . Hes up there. Loki, look who it is laughter stephen please give a big hulk smash to mark ruffalo. applause thats beautiful stephen nice to see you again. Wow wow, what a crowd. Stephen very few of my guests allow me to pet their face. Youre very youre very loving and giving. We go way back. Stephen we really do, 2015 you came on the old show, to. 2008. Fracking. Stephen we talked about fracking back then. We banned it. Stephen did we ban it . We banned it in new york state, scotland, ireland. Were doing an international tour. Is this yours . Can i have some of this . Stephen welcome back. The last time you were on this show talking to me november of 2015 it was a long time ago. Stephen good lord. Too long. Stephen its a different world. It really is. It really is. A lots happened since then. Stephen it sure has. I used to be able to sleep back then. laughter remember sleep