Sullivan theater in its Stephen Colbert stephen hey cheers and applause hey, everybody please sit down welcome to the late show, im Stephen Colbert. Anybody did you catch that World Series Game . cheering i have been told its amazing. I didnt watch it because i was focusing on something else. See, its almost halloween and this year is going to be super spooky for donald trump because special prosecutor and offduty lurch, robert muller, Just Announced the first indictments in the russia investigation. And whos our first lucky winner . Its former Trump Campaign manager paul manafort, seen here looking innocent before proven guilty. I know its almost halloween, but it really feels more like christmas. Paul manafort, paul manafort, youre just the first of many five years in jail shall i sing to the feds . Trumpapumpum. laughter cheers and applause just think how much better those jokes were if it was actually christmas right now. laughter the charges were actually filed on friday, but they gave manafort until today to turn himself in. Wow, we white people really do get arrested differently. laughter they might as well have sent him a formal invitation. Robert mueller requests the pleasure of your company in federal court. Please check one chicken, fish, squeal on donald trump . cheers and applause manaforts been charged with twelve counts, including conspiracy to launder money, tax fraud, and conspiracy against the united states. audience reacts whats that crime usually called again. . I cant remember, for some treason. laughter according to the indictment, manafort worked as an unregistered agent of the government of ukraine and took in tens of millions of dollars, which he apparently spent on luxury items including three range rovers, and 849,000 at a Mens Clothing store. Makes sense. Its not cheap to look like youre starring in a middle School Production of guys and dolls. laughter apparently, manafort also spent 934,000 on antique rugs which explains why he used his one phone call for 8005882300, empire. laughter cheers and applause rug, please. applause hes under house arrest again white people and prosecutors think he might be a flight risk. The evidence . Theyve asked that manaforts bail be set at 10 million. audience reacts thats a lot of rugs. laughter he better hope one of them can fly. laughter of course, manaforts arrest was a big topic of conversation at todays press briefing with White House Press secretary and heir to the huckabee fortune, Sarah Huckabee sanders, who said were all missing the real story. Todays announcement has nothing to do with the president , the president s campaign or campaign activity. The real collusion scandal, as weve said several times before, has everything to do with the clinton campaign, fusion gps and russia. Stephen my god, of course, Hillary Clinton colluded with russia to lose the election. laughter but we didnt see because we were playing checkers while she was playing threedimensional lose the election. While were on the subject, remember how the Trump Campaign swore over and over they never knew of any attempt to coordinate with russia . Well, how do i put this . Fake news. cheers and applause piano riff because today we also learned about an f. B. I. Investigation into former trump Foreign Policy adviser and groomsman offering you ecstasy at the ceremony, george papadopoulos. Turns out, papadopolous pleaded guilty to lying to f. B. I. Agents in the mueller probe. And the details of what papadopoulos lied about are papadopodamning. While working to elect trump, he repeatedly tried to arrange a meeting between the Trump Campaign and russian government officials. You cant do that. Its don, jr. s job. laughter hes going to get jealous applause according to the indictment, papadopoulos lied to the f. B. I. About his meetings with russian connections, such as a female Russian National described by papadopoulos as putins niece and a mysterious academic identified only as the professor. We dont have all the details yet, but im guessing he met the professor in the conservatory with the candlestick. And when the putin niece in question was told about a potential meeting between the Trump Campaign and russia, she responded, we are all very excited by the possibility of a Good Relationship with mr. Trump. Maam, youre not the first Eastern European woman who had high hopes for a Good Relationship with mr. Trump. laughter cheering piano riff but why did papadopoulos try to set up these meetings . Because the professor told him about the russians possessing dirt on thencandidate Hillary Clinton in the form of quote, thousands of emails. So, were supposed to believe that trump wanted russia to help with the emails. Does that even pass the smell test . Russia, if youre listening, i hope youre able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing. laughter cheers and applause piano riff i hope this covers bull bleep . laughter stephen and the Trump Campaign knew what papadopoulous was up to. And this could just be the beginning of the bad news for trump because this plea deal means that papadopoulous has agreed to cooperate with the Mueller Investigation. Oooh, im so excited. I think i just popped a dopoulos. laughter cheers and applause jon batiste singing we knew this was coming this morning and all weekend trump was panictweeting never seen such republican anger and unity as i have concerning the lack of investigation on clinton made fake dossier now 12 million . Commadotdotdotdot the rare four dots and a comma. Were in uncharted punctuation waters. Soon his tweets will just be eight semicolons, two ampersands, and an umlaut. laughter umlaut umlaut. Umlaut. Trump continued dot dot dot the uranium to russia deal, the 33,000 plus deleted emails, the comey fix and so much more. Instead they look at phony trump russia, comma dot dot dot dot dot dot dot collusion, which doesnt exist. The dems are using this terrible and bad for our country witch hunt for evil politics, but the rs dot dot dot dot dot dot are now fighting back like never before. There is so much guilt by democrats clinton, and now the facts are pouring out. Do something laughter cheers and applause theres something so president ial about yelling do something into the void. It reminds me of president roosevelts address to Congress Following pearl harbor december 7, 1941 a date which will live in infamy. Someone do something laughter cheers and applause stephen greatest generation. The greatest generation. This is huge news, and all the networks scramled to cover the latest from the Mueller Investigation except, of course, for the president s roadside petting zoo over at fox friends. Reports that morning of an imminent arrest in Robert Muellers russia investigation, Kellyanne Conway is here to react to that. And sorry, everyone halloween is ruined. All thanks to millennials. Dean cain is going to try to break that one down. Stephen wow i was going to question the legitimacy of our president , but first i got to hear what tvs superman and 51 yearold millennial has to say about candy corn but to give fox their due, they did eventually cover the story everyones talking about. Reeses Peanut Butter cups is the most Popular Halloween candy according to a survey. Stephen no, i meant the days biggest news. And this cheeseburger emoji causing a frenzy online. Weve been talking about it all morning. Can you see whats wrong with this picture . The cheese is underneath the hamburger. Who does that . Compared to competitors, google appears to be the only tech company putting cheese below the patty. Stephen okay, this one im actually mad about. Google, you dont put cheese below the burger its not a burgercheese. You know how i found that out . I googled it it seems like fox news is going out of its way to cover anything other than the Mueller Investigation. In fact, the only news network more focused on fluff is the one i started to boost the president s ego real news tonight. Lets take a look at their broadcast from today. Welcome to real news tonight. Our lead story tonight, nothing is going on in washington involving someone named paul manafort, if that is a real man. Manafort sounds like a made up name to nee. Jim anchorton. Are millennials killing the hamburger industry . We have urgent breaking news, consumers reports released their list of the top 100 pizza toppings. Number one might not surprise you. Cheese. Jill, we have to cut off the very important story with this news. Everyone knows the dancing girls emoji but apple is under fire for rumors theyre satanic lesbians jns. News, George Papadopolous is sorry to break you off. Super mario sorry, jim. Breaking, is i. S. I. S. Targeting americas duck pond . Chocolate is healthy. A newer report says chocolate will kill you. Sorry, jill, have to cut you off. Sorry, jim. Sorry. That concludes our broadcast day. Tune in tomorrow, millennial chat with dean cain. Stephen weve got a great show for you tonight. cheers and applause Billy Eichner is here, but when we come back puppies cheers and applause we cant stay here why . Terrible toilet paper ill never get clean way ahead of you. Charmin ultra strong. It cleans better. Its four times stronger and you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. The volkswagen atlas. With available pedestrian monitoring. Lifes as big as you make it. This is google home mini. Its the Google Assistant for your house. So it gets you. If you mumble. [minion mumbling]. It gets you. If you talk like this add worcestershire sauce to my cart. It still gets you. Okay, adding now. And if youre like hey google, play my love playlist. Ah, really . Play my love playlist. Oh yeah, it also knows the difference between you and him. Its google home mini. And the rest of the google home family. Hey, need fast try cool mint zantac. It releases a cooling sensation in your mouth and throat. Zantac works in as little as 30 minutes. Nexium can take 24 hours. Try cool mint zantac. No pill relieves heartburn faster. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back give it up for jon batiste and stay human right over there, ladies and gentlemen cheers and applause stephen folks, im a real animal lover. I especially love dogs which is why i do a segment on the late show called rescue dog rescue, where a celebrity guest and i help find rescue dogs a home by lying about how great they are. laughter and im proud to say that, so far, every single dog that we have successfully been adopted. cheers and applause yeah. And ive got great news im about to do it again. Its time for another edition of rescue dog rescue howling cheers and applause hello of course, it is nearly all hallows eve, so weve got a spoooooky batch of puppies back there. Here to help me out is a man whose bark is worse than his bite, Billy Eichner cheers and applause hi, billy good to see ya thanks for joining us, billy. Are you excited to help lie about some puppies to find them new homes . Yes and that is the first lie because i have a serious dog allergy and theyll flare up if i hold a puppy. Stephen okay. Thats not a joke. Its true. What if i hold them and you just lie about them . Im in stephen great who have we got . Oh, here we go audience reacts oh, whos this little fella . Oh, great. All right. Before we get started a reminder all the puppies we have here tonight are actual adoptable dogs from north Shore Animal League america. cheers and applause first up yes, hello hello meet winnie. If you adopt this little banana, everyone will find you appealing. laughter seriously, she releases an intoxicating pheromone that makes Beautiful People want to have sex with you. laughter winnie reminds you, wrap that banana. laughter all right. Who do we have next . This is zero hes dressed as a doctor, but thats just a costume. In reality, hes a highpowered class action attorney with a Beautiful Lake house. laughs doctor money isnt gonna put a wine cellar in your boat is it, zero . Stephen okay. Up next, we have whos this . Oh this is binx. Shes dressed like a shark, but ironically her favorite Stephen Spielberg movie isnt jaws, its catch me if you can. laughter she thinks its a stirring meditation on the pathos at the heart of american capitalism. Seriously, she wont shut up about it. laughter lets see who weve got here. cheers and applause max is a Football Player who fully supports a players right to kneel during the national anthem. cheers and applause stephen yes who takes a stand against systemic racism . You do but dont get too excited, hes also a Global Warming denier. Wake up, max anyway, youll have some interesting conversations. Stephen all right, this little fella right here oh, hello laughter applause this is little fella is chuckie. Hes not dressed as the pope for halloween, hes actually starring in hbos spinoff to young pope, entitled dog pope. laughter when he first saw the script, he wasnt sure about all the sex scenes, but eventually decided they were tasteful and necessary to the plot. laughter this cheerleader is kenny. Penny. Twofoursixeight who wont watch you masturbate . Also, more importantly, penny is a specially bred hypo allergenicdog making her safe for everyone to cuddle with . Really . Amazing . Stephen no, billy these have all been lies you touch this dog, you will die okay. Well, that does it for rescue dog rescue. Im sure all the smoke is great for the dog, by the way. Stephen its fine. Dogs love carbon dioxide. laughter head to the late shows website www. Colbertlateshow. Com for info on how to adopt these dogs from north Shore Animal League america. Billy eichner everybody thank you. Stephen well be right back with Billy Eichner cheers and applause band playing every time you call on me i drop what i do you are my best friend and weve got some things to do do you wanna, do you wanna, do you wanna do you wanna, do you wanna, do you wanna yeaheaeaeah when youre close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment . If you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. Taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. With taltz, up to 90 of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. In fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. Do not use if you are allergic to taltz. Before starting you should be checked for tuberculosis. Taltz may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Tell your doctor if you are being treated for an infection or have symptoms. Or if you have received a vaccine or plan to. Inflammatory bowel disease can happen with taltz. Including worsening of symptoms. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Nows your chance at completely clear skin. Just ask your doctor about taltz. So if you have a sink, and the ship is sinking, is it a sinking sink . Scrubbing bubbles toilet gel, freshens and cleans with every flush. Spend less time cleaning, and more time thinking about the important things. Sc johnson made with 100 ribeye beef, fresh spring mix and provalone cheese on a potato bun. R im inviting the whole industry to try it. Of course ill protect their identities. Like this. Try my first ever ribeye burgers. Introducing fast foods first made with 100 ribeye beef, fresh spring mix and provolone cheese on an artisan potato bun. Yep, nailed it come try my new ribeye burgers. Only at jack in the box. cheers and applause band playing stephen welcome back, everybody ladies and gentlemen, you know my first guest from Difficult People and of course, billy on the street. He now stars in American Horror story cult. screaming what do you want from me in. Answers. Okay. What happened to meadow. Kyle wanted ali to save her. I let her do it. I didnt know she was going to blow her brains out. You should have known, youre her husband and let her be manipulated. Manipulated. Youre talking about killing our wives . I didnt kill her. Her death had more meaning thag any moment in her pathetic life. Stephen please welcome Billy Eichner cheers and applause band playing thank you. Stephen good to see you. Thank you. Stephen good to see you. Thank you. Happy halloween. Stephen happy halloween. There was an extra banana costume backstage so here we are. Stephen yeah. Billy, its a really stunning clip, is it mostly just drama for you now . As you can see, i have become a very serious actor. laughter im really a chameleon. Thats not what im here to talk about. Stephen what are you here to talk about . I hate donald trump so much. cheers and applause that lying piece of bleep . cheering i am sick of donald trump, with everybody who associates with him, and today is just the beginning. All the shoes are beginning to drop and i am here for it. Thats right. You dont agree with me . cheering stephen i think. No, hold on a second. You think halloween is so innocent . Let me tell you something, anybody celebrating halloween this year is complicit halloween is complicit this is not a game stephen how is that complies it . My niece wants to dress up as wonder woman tomorrow night. I told her, no youre not, and i am dressing her up as congresswoman Lisa Murkowski from alaska. Thats right, and instead of Walking Around with a wonder woman shield, her job is to hold all children accountable. Okay . laughter your kids shouldnt be looking for candy tomorrow night, they should be looking for answers. All right . cheers and applause thats right. Thats right. Stephen thats nice. People doing the monster mash, they sayates graveyard smash. Its not, its a distraction, okay . You see pumpkin carving, i see bullying. You see casper the friendly ghost, you know what i see when i look at casper the friendly ghost in white privilege. laughter im sick of it. Stephen so what else is on your mind . Other than that. Everything else is going really well for me, yeah. Stephen as well it should. Yeah, i love doing American Horror story cult, very fun experience. Stephen yeah. cheers and applause thank you and what an honor it must have been for Sarah Paulson to work with me. Stephen absolutely, absolutely. I noticed because youre wearing a very, very tight yellow unitard, i would say, one piece underneath the banana. Question. Youre never going to find out. Stephen could i check out the guns . Oh, sure. Look at that. Stephen look at this. Thats right. This banana is ripped. Stephen yeah. As much as i try to be healthy, people still get on me. I dont even consider it a vice. Once in a while i like a soda. I like a diet coke. Stephen its refreshing. Right, its very refreshing. Its a thirstquencher, stephen. Stephen sure. I have a diet coke and my gay friends say, youre drinking diet coke . Im, like, you do cocaine applause theyre literally on crystal meth and i cant have one diet coke . Things are out of hand. Stephen i didnt know there was bad blood between the tbai community and diet coke community. I identify as a diet coke lover and i also love the gay community. Do i have to choose . No, you can be anything you want in this life. You dont need to specify a preference, do what feels right to you. Stephen soda identity is fluid, they say. audience reacts cheers and applause so whens letterman coming back . laughter applause stephen American Horror story cult, let me ask you this. Yes. Stephen i dont think of you as a dramatic actor. I think of you as a very funny guy. Okay. Stephen are you insulted i dont think of you as a dramatic actor . No, before i got into comedy and billy on the street, i went to northwestern. Stephen so did i. We talked about this, were both theater majors, i just wanted to be an actor. I wanted to be like john malkovich. Stephen really . I think hes a fine actor. Stephen hes a great actor. Yeah, im just naming one person. laughter so i was doing plays and theater. I did a lot of things. I stumbled into comedy. Stephen how did you stumble into it . If you were going to be what we call a straight dramatic actor, how did you stumble into comedy . laughter well, i i would say laughter that laughter applause very donald trump of you, by the way. Stephen do you miss billy on the street ever . I do miss billy on the street sometimes. I hope to get back to billy on the street soon, but i like playing billy on the street games. So when im not shooting billy on the street, i miss playing those games. Stephen okay. I actually have a game i wrote because im not feeling billy on the street, which i would like to play with you tonight. Can we play this game . Stephen sure. I dont know what it. You guys want to see us play the game . cheers and applause this is a game i wrote specifically for tonight because halloween is tomorrow. I would say one of might be not my favorite movies but a guilty pleasure is the movie hocus pocus, which is like a halloween classic. Stephen yeah, of course. O i wrote a game just for you called hocus pocus or Trumps White House. laughter and im going to give you a fact, and you have to tell me if this fact is for the movie hocus pocus, Trumps White House, or both. Stephen do we need a clock . Yes, we can put a clock on it. Stephen how much time . I dont know, 60 seconds. Stephen lets get 60 seconds on this. Somebody keep a watch. Ill get over here with you this way. Okay. Stephen just because youre the quiz master and were on the same level. Great. Stephen 60 seconds. Hit the buzzer in 60 seconds. If you think its hocus pocus, say ho cues posus. If trump white house, say trump white house. If both, both. Stephen go. Away we go features a bunch of evil hateful women. Stephen both. Yes both yes has inspired bette midler to do a lot of screaming and complaining. Stephen both. Yes, both features homophobes. Stephen trump white house. Trumps white house, yes features misogynists. Stephen Trumps White House. Thats correct stephen features kathy from sister act. Stephen hocus pocus. Inspires me want to reach through the tv and shake Sarah Huckabee sanders saying why are you doing this . stephen trump white house. Inspires me to want to reach wilthrough the screen and shake Sarah Jessica parker while screaming why are you doing this . H stephen hocus pocus. Carlsen believes its real. Stephen both eems like it started almost as a joke but now for some reason we have to take it seriously. Stephen Trumps White House. No, both stephen what . Yes has managed to con a lot of gullible people into thinking its good. Stephen both. Both, yes i know its terrible but im always watching it. Stephen both. Yes, thats correct. There arent many black people in it. Stephen both. Wurnt really popular at first but became pop law through an intense almost cult like following online. Stephen both. Correct ends with a lot of people going to jail. Stephen both. No, Trumps White House laughter ends with an uncredited cameo by Penny Marshall stephen both no, hocus pocus stephen we dont know you win anyway stephen American Horror story cult airs tuesdays on fx. Billy eichner, everybody well be right back with anna camp. cheers and applause band playing it all started when sophia stopped into marshalls and found a mug for surprisingly little green. She paired that with some succulents. And suddenly something clicked. That surprise led to a stylish wood mirror, soothing lavender oils, a party llama. Or is that an alpaca . Super soft towels, and an enchanting vase that magically tied it all together. She arranged it all into the greatest guest bathroom ever. Did sophia expect to get so much bang for so few bucks . No. But great things happen when you choose surprise. Marshalls. Your surprise is waiting. Lackluster lips . Dont think so. But lips lose natural color when youover time. Rprise. Chapstick total hydration moisture tint. Our 100 natural moisturizing formulas enhance your natural lip color. Chapstick. Put your lips first. For every social occasion. So the the broom said, sorry im late. I overswept. [ laughter ] yes, even the awkward among us deserve some laughter. And while its okay to nibble in public, a lady only dines in private. Try the name your price tool from progressive. It gives you options based on your budget. S of theraflu expressmax. New power. To fight back theraflus powerful new formula to defeat 7 cold and flu symptoms. Fast. So you can play on. Theraflu expressmax. New power. engine roaring i engine roaring i will be king and you. Drink, sir . You will be. No, thanks. engine revving im still driving. Will drive them away we can be heroes. What if Home Security was different . What if it looked different . What if the measure of working, was that you never had to think about it. What if it was so easy to use, you actually used it. [alarm] you have 3 minutes to exit. What if it gave you time, and what you really need from Home Security. A sense of security. cheers and applause band playing stephen welcome back to the late show cheers and applause stephen you know my next guest from the Pitch Perfect movies, good girls revolt, and unbreakable kimmy schmidt. Please welcome anna camp cheers and applause band playing how are you . Come on up here. There you go. Hey, everybody hi, hi, hi stephen how are you . I found out something seconds ago, literally. Youre from South Carolina . Yes. Stephen i dont really hear an accent. Sometimes on friday night if i have enough wine, it will come out. Stephen a little white wine. A little white wine, chardonnay. Stephen a little bourbon diet coke. Firefly. We need to go out. Stephen i want to party with you. Where are you from. Stephen charlestonish. Mount pleasant. Stephen thats across the cooper riverbridge. Yes, and my sister is here from South Carolina, too, shes in the audience. Stephen shout out. Where you at . Stephen there you go. Hey, whats up, sis . Where were you born . I was born in a small town called akin, South Carolina. Stephen thats practically, georgia. Its kind of like it. And we moved to columbia. Stephen thats there. And now they live in rockhill and thats awesome. Stephen rockhill. Sure, all over the place. I get off the phone with them and end up talking like this and my husband is, like, you have been on the phone with your family, havent you . Stephen hes not from the south . No, new york. We have a good family combo going on, new york i tall jan jewish and southern family very polite, my side of the family, its great. Stephen theyre polite, they just choose not to be polite. Its a hard to be a saint h the city. I get it, totally. Stephen now your amazon show, this is, you know this is funny. Stephen this is funny, interesting, maybe more than funny. Right. Stephen your show good girls revolt revolved around sex discrimination lawsuit but it was on amazon, and the guy who canceled your show, roy price, has been forced out based on Sexual Harassment charges. Interesting. Stephen two wrong make a right. Dont you get to go back on air now . Everyone was shocked when it was canceled based on the first discrimination lawsuit in 1969. We had a lot of fans who watched the show. We heard during the season 2 pitch the producers had to refer to us by the actors and not characters names because he didnt know who she was talking about because i dont think he watched the show maybe. So, yeah, well see what happens, but all the fans are being so supportive and i loved being on the show and i think its actually more relevant now than it ever was. Stephen we heard from the Pitch Perfect movies. Pitch perfect 3 is coming out in december. Yes cheers and applause stephen does your husband sing . My husband has the best voice, like better than anybody, its the best. Stephen when you guys are at home together, is it like Pitch Perfect all the time . Is it all close harmonies and choreography . We try. We have a little jingle. If we solve a problem, like the other day we had to install air conditioning when it was still so hot in new york, and we sing a little song, it goes anna camp and schuyler austin making it work and making it lastin laughter applause were just that cheesy. Stephen is it always positive or does it get passive aggressive i took out the garbage last time. You got the do it now you lazy teared laughter ill do that next time the trash doesnt get out. Stephen i found you can complain to your partner about your dog and it doesnt sound too mean. How . Stephen hey, hi do you have any idea who maybe threw away the newspaper before i read it . Say that to your dog. They go, oh, i tinted know it was you. I was asking the dog, maybe the dog had done it. Im also going to use that. Thats great. Thanks. Stephen now, youre on broadway, now, with the lovely and talented Elizabeth Mcgovern here the show is called time in the conways. What happens in time and the conways, and is tim conway in it . Everybody asks is this about tim conway . Its actually a play set in 1919 britain and has nothing to do with tim conway. It is a really beautiful play. There is time travel in it. We go from 1919 to 1937. Stephen a little time traveling or it just jumps time . There were space ships, theres no time travel machine. Stephen there is no time travel . You have to see the play. Stephen if you tell me there is time traveling, ill see the play. There is time traveling. Stephen ill go see the play. We age 20 years. Stephen you age 20 years . Yeah, we get to see the family go from young, vibrant, to what happens 20 years from now. Not everybody is so happy. Its kind of depressing. Stephen you should have stopped the time travel. Do you travel back and fix everything . Then we might go back to happy town stephen when you find out biff gets elected president. Exactly. laughter stephen you do not want that. No, exactly, we dont want that. cheers and applause stephen no. piano riff lovely to meet yall. So lovely to meet you. Stephen time and the conways is now on broadway. Anna camp, everybody well be right back with a performance by weezer. cheers and applause band playing there was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children she had to buy lots of groceries. While she was shopping for organic fruits and veggies, burglars broke into her shoe. They stole her kids Mountain Bikes and tablets along with her new juice press. Luckily the Geico Insurance agency had helped her with Homeowners Insurance. She got full replacement on the stolen goods and started a Mountain Bike juice delivery service. Call geico and see how affordable Homeowners Insurance can be. Call geico hey, need fast try cool mint zantac. It releases a cooling sensation in your mouth and throat. Zantac works in as little as 30 minutes. Nexium can take 24 hours. Try cool mint zantac. No pill relieves heartburn faster. Nosy neighbor with a glad bag, full of trash. What happens next . Nothing. Only glad has febreze to neutralize odors for 5 days. Guaranteed. Even the most perceptive noses wont notice the trash. Be happy. Its glad. Hi, im just looking at my account, and ive got all this extra cash back. Yep. Thats your Cashback Match. Only discover will automatically match all the cash back new cardmembers earn at the end of their first year. You matched everything i earned this year . Yeah. Whoo more money more money its all very exciting. Im going to spread the news spread it wide its Cashback Match people people you know that. You all work here. New cardmembers get a dollarfordollar match at the end of their first year. Only from discover. [ america by the 7seater volkswagen atlas. Lifes as big as you make it. Behold the power of energizer® ultimate lithium™. Music the 1 longestlasting battery. Gives skin the moisture it needs and keeps it there longer with lockin Moisture Technology skin is petal smooth after all, a cleansers just a cleanser unless its olay. How do they make starburst taste so juicy . They use wicked small fighter jets to shoot the juiciness into every starburst. [ pilot ] its about to get juicy. Whoo i feel so aliii. It takes guts. [ female announcer ] starburst. Unexplainably juicy. Stephen their new album, pacific daydream, came out on friday. Here performing happy hour, ladies and gentlemen, weezer cheers and applause im like Stevie Ray Vaughan on the stage, high on music teeth grindin, sweatin under the lights but then my boss calls and shes crushin me with a 20ton weight just like in monty python somebody left on the sink, its still running my eyes are gonna overflow i need a happy hour on sad days i need a happy hour, i cant wait im like Ponce De Leon setting on a ship for the new world checking out the birds and flowers lets chill out on this island, ive been sucking on a lime and coconut, coconut i think i could stay here for the rest of my life please, dont ever make me go home i need a happy hour on sad days its my happy hour, i cant wait maybe ill meet a scientist in sweatpants and a hair tie well conversate about rare birds and midi keyboards and well slow dance, head on my shoulder swing back and forth and my friends are gonna smile everythings gonna be all right its my happy hour on sad days i need a happy hour, i cant wait i need a happy hour, to save me i need a happy hour, i cant wait i cant wait cheers and applause stephen weezer, everybody well be right back. Stephen thats it for the late show, everybody. Tune in tomorrow, when my guests will be mark ruffalo, chris matthews, and gilbert gottfried. Now, stick around for james corden and his guests, miles teller and whitney cummings. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show reggie ladies and