Stephen the show is going pretty well. People seem to like it. Online i get likes from the tweets. Ive seen the comments. Thats called reverse trolling. People gang up on somebody, give them a lot of confidence, say theyre great, say how much they love them and make it sound sincere, like i did earlier. See you later. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, trump. And the trumped up tax plan. Plus, stephen welcomes steve martin, Mark Feuerstein. And a musical performance by steve martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause band playing captioning sponsored by cbs stephen thank you very much thanks, everybody ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause now, ladies and gentlemen, you ever woken up and said to yourself, what can i do even in my own small way to make rich people richer . Well, if the answer is never, then you didnt write Donald Trumps tax plan. laughter yesterday in indiana, the president revealed the plan and made a solemn promise i am doing the right thing. And its not good for me. Believe me. Stephen i believe you. laughter doing the right thing never seems to be good for donald trump. Okay, what do people like . Racial equality and football. Okay, how do i ruin both of those at once . cheers and applause not sure what were applauding for but im all for it. But it looks like trump is how should i put this . Lying. Because, based on the last trump tax return we know anything about, this plan would have saved him 31 million in taxes. Thats 31 million to himself. Those are lotto numbers. I mean, thats not just powerball, thats im in powerball. laughter even though the g. O. P. Tax plan will benefit only the wealthy few, theyre pitching it to everybody else. See if you can guess what group Senate Republicans are trying to court with this message from South Carolina center tim scott i like to put it very simple we want to help you hashtag keep yo money. Stephen keep yo money, of course, was the catch phrase of the popular 90s show yo mtv tax. laughter its not like senator scott is the only republican who could have delivered that message. They could have gone with the g. O. P. s second most diverse senator, caucasian q. Whitington iii. laughter piano riff but they already have him promoting the bills original hashtag retain thy estate. laughter hey, remember how during the campaign, donald trump kept complaining about Hillary Clinton using a private email server for government work . That lock her up stuff . Well, this week, we learned that at least six of president trumps closest advisers used private email addresses to discuss white house matters, including ivanka trump, and jared kushner. But of course, donald trump has no problem with this, now. I havent seen trump go back on his word like this since he didnt build a border wall or repeal obamacare or give up his business or release his tax returns or never play golf. laughter hes flipflopping so often cheers and applause nice to have donald trump fans here tonight. Jon they love him. Stephen hes flipflopping so often, next sunday hes going to take a knee during the national anthem. laughter applause piano riff yeah. And this private email thing could have legal ramifications because kushner didnt disclose the fact that he was using personal email to the Senate Intelligence committee. I get it. You want to save some things for the trial, just to keep it spicy. laughter snrmplets and, apparently, the committee is not pleased. They sent kushner a letter, instructing him to turn over all relevant documents from his personal email account as well as all other email accounts. Bold and underlined. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Theyre whipping out the font on this guy. You bold and underlined. You only get results with the rough stuff. I hear down in gitmo, they use italics. Yeah. Even worse for jared, when his lawyer attempted to forward him the committees letter, he accidentally sent it to a fake kushner account run by a prankster. laughter and that prankster is now in charge of the opiod crisis and middle east peace. laughter jon oh, my goodness. Stephen now oh, theres big news out of the tweetosphere this week because, did you hear . Twitter just doubled the character limit for tweets to 280. audience reacts they have to because, as shakespeare so famously said, brevity is the soul of wit, but i got all these extra characters to fill blah, blah, blah, blah. Hashtag im really christopher marlowe. laughter piano riff and like Everything Else in the world, this is about money. See, twitters been around for 11 years, but the company has never turned a profit. But now its fixed. If 140 characters earned you zero dollars, then 280 characters will double that laughter thats just math. Yeah. Stephen but heres the thing twitter is doing a slow rollout of this new increased character limit with a select group of users, and donald trump isnt in the test group. laughter oh oh, no jon hes on there all the time applause stephen that is a huge diss jon yeah. Stephen thats our Foreign Policy jon thats the whole thing. Stephen thats his whole thing. Trump and twitter go together like nazis and tiki torches. laughter but i think its for the best. If trump had more than 140 characters, he could fit his message into one tweet, and then id miss the dot, dot, dot; dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Those are the only parts that arent lies. laughter applause lies. Lies piano riff jon yes. Stephen but theres a lot on the president s plate right now his new tax plan, the crisis in puerto rico, the threat of nuclear war with north korea which is why hes staying focused on football. Evidently, earlier this week, trump called Dallas Cowboys owner, jerry jones, four times in one day to talk about anthem stuff. Hey, jerry. Don again. So what do you really think about the flag kneeling . Oh, john kelly just walked in. Uh, thats right, president of china jackie chan. Thats my final offer, take it or leave it. Aloha cheers and applause im sorry about that. I had to read him the riot act. applause trump has called on the owners to fire players that protest, and he explained why that might be harder than you think. I have so many friends that are owners. They are in a box. I mean, i have spoken to a couple of them. They say, we are in a situation where we have to do something. I think theyre afraid of their players, you want to know the truth. Stephen yes, n. F. L. Owners are afraid of their players. Need proof . Look at these owners. Hes terrified. laughter the guy next to him has got gloves; hes going to strangle him. And look, this guys praying for his life. laughter just about everyone you can think of is weighing in on the n. F. L. Debate, and, yesterday, someone who you never think of did as well 90s action star and jeanclaude van dammes waterbed, Steven Seagal. laughter seagal showed up on a british morning talk show to discuss the matter. I believe that everyones entitled to their own opinion, but i dont agree that they should hold the United States of america or the world hostage by taking a venue where people are tuning in to watch a Football Game and, you know, imposing their political views. I respect the american flag, and i myself have risked my life countless times for the american flag. Stephen yes risked his life countless times for the american flag. And sure, none of that was real, but then again, neither is his hair. laughter you know, i think theres more Steven Seagal could have said on this issue, and i intend to do it, right now. Jon whoo get it together. Oh, snap oh, wow laughter applause stephen these Football Players have the fans under siege. They may think theyre above the law, but they may soon find themselves on deadly ground. Theyll find most americans are out for justice, because theyre feeling under siege 2, laughter stephen no because theyre feeling under siege 2, the sequel. laughter and if these protestors dont like this country, they can feel free to challenge me to mortal kombat. Wait, was i in that . Find out if i was in that. One things for sure, you mess with Steven Seagal, youre not only going straight to hell, youre going straight to dvd. laughter weve got a great show for you tonight. Steve martin is here. But when we return, awkward photos of beautiful celebrities, all for a good cause. Stick around. 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Enjoy the go with charmin. cheers and applause band playing Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human cato on the guitar give it up for the band, everybody cheers and applause jon jon yes stephen jon, you know whats got me excited is we have the book here. We have a gentleman who brought a copy of the book with him, Stephen Colberts midnight confessions. Id like to tell that man, you and everybody watching that im proud to say the midnight confessions we just found out is now a New York Times number one best seller. cheers and applause stephen thats it. There it is, man. You put it out. You put it out there. Somebodys going to put it in there, and we did it. I just have one quick confession. That is not true. I have no idea how many people bought it, but i hope a lot of people do because its a good book. Its a good book. Jon yeah stephen and it was a good feeling when i said we did that and thats the world i want to live in, okay. Jon yeah. Stephen i have one other confession here is i also have an ice cream called Stephen Colberts americone dream. If you havent tasted it, you have to check it out. Besides the fact you can never have too much dairy is the fact that all the money i receive from this goes to charity. The Americone Dream Fund which we usually give away at the end of the year. The staff gets together, we figure out where it goes and last night nick kroll was on, promoting his new show big mouth about puberty, and he was asking celebrities to tweet awkward photos of themselves when they were teens with the hashtag puberme. I dont have any awkward photos of my teen years, so instead i tweeted this suave guy. cheers and applause yeah. Thats me when i was 13. Hey, ladies, who wants to hear me recite from the silmarillion . laughter in the moment when we were talking about it, i thought, as long as were doing this hashtag, why not do some good here . It was a spurofthemoment idea and i had no idea how much money we had to give. Ile challenge you to put out an awkward picture of yourself, i will make sure that the colbert Americone Dream Fund will give money for ive which tweet to puerto rico relief. cheers and applause jon have a little fun. Yeah. Heres the thing, it was honestly a purr of the moment idea and i had no idea how much money we had to give so thats why before we broadcast last night, we actually lifted part of the interview out until i checked on the balance of the ice cream account. Now that weve checked on it, ill show you the part of the interview with nick we lifted because i asked nick to name how much i would donate per tweet of celebrity and this is what he said. How much money should go to each celebrity . A thousand dollars. Stephen jeez laughter well, i talked to jesus and hes in. Hes very generous. piano riff stephen yep, and im all in. Happy to announce that for every celebrity and again, i get to determine whos a celebrity who posts their awkward teen photo with the hashtag puberme, and hashtag puertoricorelief, the Americone Dream Fund will donate 1,000. To the one america appeal. Weve already got some great entries from colbertverified celebs. This actually came through today. Heres sarah silverman, looking cooler during puberty than i do right now. laughter aidy bryant sent this one. I believe this was the yearbook where she was voted most likely to become a thoughtful squirrel. laughter heres secret eats adam richman at his bar mitzvah. Before that ceremony, he was still just a boy versus food. laughter i love this one. This is Kumail Nanjiani preparing for what i assume was his Backstreet Boys audition. laughter there was the cute one, the bad boy, and then kumail was the one who always carries dice. laughter then theres the lovely and talented alison brie. This isnt a contest, but thats a winner. The headgear alone puts her in the top 1 of awkward. laughter so were already into the tens of thousands here, which is fantastic. cheers and applause i want you celebrities to step up and tweet those photos with hashtag puberme and hashtag puertoricorelief. I want to see bowl cuts, brace faces, a constellation of acne across your tzone. laughter and to make sure theres money in the fund, please go buy more Stephen Colberts americone dream ice cream. Do your duty and eat the whole pint. If you dont hate yourself in the morning, youre part of the problem. Well be right back with steve martin. cheers and applause its all popculture trivia, but it gets pretty intense. Ahh. The new guy. Whoa, he looks he looks exactly like me. No. Separated at birth much . We should switch name tags, and no one would know who was who. Jamie, you seriously think you look like him . Uh, im pretty good with comparisons. Like how progressive helps people save money by comparing rates, even if were not the lowest. Even if were not the lowest. Whoa wow. I mean, the outfit helps, but pretty great. Look at us. Wow. I mean, the outfit helps, but pretty great. What is this . Its the new iphone, its for our anniversary. Our anniversary . Its thirtyfour days since we first met. I didnt. Get you anything. Oh its, its fine cuz. I got myself one too. Oh from you, for me, happy anniversary. I love it. That is very thoughtful of you. Thank you. Get the amazing new iphone 8. And with all at t unlimited plans, get hbo for life. Less than 40 per line for four lines. Only from at t. hard exhalation honey . Can we do this tomorrow . grunts of effort can we do this tomorrow . If you have Heart Failure symptoms, your risk of hospitalization could increase, making tomorrow uncertain. But entresto is a medicine that was proven, in the largest Heart Failure study ever, to help more people stay alive and out of the hospital than a leading Heart Failure medicine. Women who are pregnant must not take entresto. It can cause harm or death to an unborn baby. Dont take entresto with an ace inhibitor or aliskiren. If youve had angioedema while taking an ace or arb medicine, dont take entresto. The most serious side effects are angioedema, low blood pressure, kidney problems, or high potassium in your blood. Tomorrow, tomorrow. When can we do this again, grandpa . Well, how about tomorrow . Ask your doctor about entresto and help make tomorrow possible. Ask your doctor about entresto boy this is the story of a boy at Stanford Health care, we can now use a blood sample to detect lung cancer. If we can do that, imagine what we can do for asthma. And if we can stop seizures in epilepsy patients with a small pacemaker for the brain, imagine what we can do for multiple sclerosis, even migraines. If we can use patients genes to predict Heart Disease in their families, imagine what we can do for the conditions that affect us all. Imagine what we can do for you. cheers and applause stephen hey welcome back, everybody ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is a grammyAward Winning banjo player. Hes also done a bit of comedy work. Please welcome steve martin cheers and applause band playing thank you very much thank you yeah stephen thank you for that. Thats what i was doing. Stephen i know. Nothing like a butt shine. Nice to see you again. Thank you very much. Stephen ive not seen you since you came on here with Edie Brickell to perform last night. You know what . Stephen what . That is exactly true. Good the way you figured that out. laughter stephen so what have you been up to . About 190. Stephen okay, good. laughter yeah, but i have been doing so much. I have a new album. I dont want to make this a promotional laughter i hate that. You know, when youve got a new album, oh Stephen Steve you know, i tell you something, thank you for showing this, this is my new album. Im with the Steep Canyon Rangers, a band ive worked with for almost ten years. Weve kind of grown together musically. This is our second album together and thats why i wanted to feature them on the cover an show them and then, you know, have a stephen thats awfully nice. And have a little picture of myself. Stephen thats very generous. Yeah. Stephen was this the only album cover you guys worked on . No, but first of all you have to understand, this is the c. D. The vinyl is unbelievable. Stephen oh, wow. The fidelity must be amazing how much information you can get in there. Where are you going with that . See, the title of the album is the longawaited album. Stephen it wasnt the only title you guys came up with. No, we had other titles and we mocked up album covers to see if the title would work. I brought just a few to show you. Stephen theres another choice. Yeah. Your dream come true. Stephen your dream come true more banjos. Thats right. Stephen do you want to read the titles or should i . You read the titles because youre in comedy and im now in music. Stephen yeah. laughter stephen well see. Okay. Yeah, hey, i have an idea. Stephen what . You read one, ill read one. laughter stephen all right, ill try this one again then. Okay. Well, thats not fair to you to have to do the same joke twice. Stephen your dream come true more banjos cheers and applause okay. Songs to whittle to. applause stephen live outside Carnegie Hall thats good applause did good on that. Stephen yeah. As white as you remember. laughter applause piano riff you know how your suit fits you when you stand up . Stephen yes. But when you sit town, it no longer fits you. Stephen yes. Leeves are short. Stephen a little tight in the crotch. Well, no. Stephen no . Not with me, no. laughter stephen plenty of room. I know. I dont know about that. Stephen i do. One of the reasons i had you on, not to put you on the spot, youre one of my comedy heros. Thank you is that i dont think i could have done that crazy highstatus idiot character i did for ten years without having listened to all your comedy albums when i was younger. Amazing. cheers and applause and, you know, Jerry Seinfelds good, too, but hes not on till tomorrow. Yeah. By the way, Jerry Seinfeld is one of my heroes. Hes like a retrohero, like a guy who came up behind you and is better than you are. laughter im talking better than you. laughter i think hes fantastic. I love to listen to him. He almost puts me at peace. I can just listen to him talk. I like it. Stephen yeah, i feel that way about jim gaffigan. Not a joke, its true. laughter thats why they pretape these shows so you can cut that out. Stephen yeah. I do this to my producer, if i want something to not be in the show, i just do that. If you watch the show that means the next thing or something you just saw got cut out of the show. Also, i would like my producer to cut out i just revealed that. laughter you also use the fancy word polymath. Youre a connoisseur of art, a playwright, have a show on broadway in december. Called meteor shower. I have been working on it the last two years, the globe, long wharf theater in connecticut. I got a call three weeks ago from the producer and he says, steve, your show, the play you wrote is going on to broadway starring amy schumer, kegel michael key, lauren binante, directed by jerry sax, multitony Award Winning director who did hello dolly with bette midler on stage now and its going to be at the booth theater, one of the best comedy theaters. I said to him, you know what . I amway too high to deal with this right now. cheers and applause anyway, thats whats happening, yeah. Stephen wow. So whats it about . Is it about a meteor shower . Yes, its about a couple who lives in ohi, california, sort of distant, inland a bit, and they host a meteor shower with another cup they will dont know that well. Stephen a Meteor Shower Party . Yeah, two couples, four people and chaos ensues. Stephen we just had the eclipse this summer. Did you go anyplace to see the eclipse . I am so board with eclipses. laughter i saw a partial eclipse in new york city maybe 15 years ago. It was so beautiful. No joke. You know the thing instead of looking up, you look down and you see the shadows in the trees and they do something so strange. So all these people in new york on a Beautiful Day were looking down. Stephen thats a metaphor for laughter uhhuh. Are you still doing on tour with martin short . Yes, thats my main job. Stephen really . cheers and applause i tell you one thing i love. Stephen yeah. About touring around with marty short. No poparazzi. laughter stephen just left alone. My wife thought that marty and i were too close, but we resolved that because we got one of those beds with the adjustable sleep numbers. Stephen okay. So hes got his and yeah. Were good buddies. We have nicknames. What have you got . Going back in time . Stephen what good buddies you are. There you go. Stephen there you go. This is this summer, you and martin short. We forgot where we were. laughter stephen mmhmm. So you said nicknames for each other . I call him buddy. Hey, buddy, having a good show tonight, buddy. Stephen whats he call you. Spotlight ceiling time suck mood killer. laughter applause piano riff stephen almost like king tut. Yeah. Stephen how is he as a kisser . Does he have soft lips . We kid that at the diane keaton a. F. I. Tribute. I dont remember what the premise was. The premise was, hey, i really like you stephen exactly. laughter now, you met him when you were doing three amigos. Yes. Stephen do you do films anymore . I miss steve martin on camera. Im so interested in what im doing now, besides no offers, but laughter stephen really . Is. No, i really like touring around, being live, which is strange. I cant believe im saying that. Stephen why is it strange, you like a live audience, right . cheers and applause absolutely, this is great. I tell you what it was. Jerry seinfeld is the opposite. He loves it and thinks its great. I was alone out will and thinking ahead and thinking, will that work . On to the next, what is the next thing, and now i have a partner, and we just laugh, we enjoy each other, we smile, were happy offstage, onstage, lets go. Stephen if it doesnt work, thats his fault . Exactly. Stephen now you have these partners. You like to reach down there. Stephen thats where things are. I see. Stephen if i put them up there, it would take focus away from us talking. Thats show business. Stephen this is where the money is. Yeah. Stephen the money is right there. You know what i would like to do . Put tinfoil on this and sit like this. Get a little extra trying to. Stephen you could. What to you think about what weve done with the place. Do you like the theory . I do. I think the graphics stephen the stained glass. Yes. And central park. Stephen from the top of the hotel next door, changes seasonally. Videos. Wow, the things that is correct do. Stephen yep. laughter are you touring now . Are we tone . Stephen no, we have time. Were never going to be done, steve. We kind of tid this. Stephen if you dont want me to say youre going to do a song coming up. Oh, i am. Stephen you are going to do a song coming up . cheers and applause yeah, with i must say, with the grammy Award Winning the Steep Canyon Rangers, the band ive worked with all these years. Stephen stick around. Steve and the band, at the end of the show, will do a cut from the longawaited album available now, steve martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers. Well be right back. cheers and applause band playing tmobile never stops. Weve doubled our lte coverage. Were already the fastest 4g lte network, and we just keep getting faster. And now americas best unlimited gets even more powerful when you pair it with the new iphone everyone is excited about. Introducing the amazing iphone 8. Its the best iphone yet, now on americas best unlimited network. For a limited time, save up to three hundred dollars on iphone 8. And now, join tmobiles Iphone Upgrade Program for free. Guys. Im trapped, my boss wants me here. Raz, where are you . We are not leaving without you. Just go downstairs now. Rapunzel . look for my chr. That was fun. Wait till you see where were going. Introducing an allnew crossover. Toyota chr. Toyota. Lets go places. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, in the last year alone, youve seen my next guest in royal pains, prison break and the new season of wet hot american summer. He now stars in the cbs sitcom nine j. K. L. , please welcome Mark Feuerstein cheers and applause band playing i mean, they got up stephen they did you didnt have to do that thank you very much stephen when you come out here and do this, they have to thank you. Stephen nice to see you again. You were so great at the emmy awards. Stephen oh, thanks so much. It was so fun cheers and applause you introduced me and rashida jones. Stephen lovely young lady, talented person to come out there with. I was honored to come out with her and hear my name said by you tonight and on that night. Stephen thats great, especially since those things are such a drag if you lose. You should have won is that you, too. Theyll all pay eventually. laughter no pressure, but because hes coming out to do a song a little later, you are technically both following and opening for steve martin now. I am the meat in a steve martin sandwich. Stephen i was gushing on him earlier about how influential he is and how much i love him, still do, but what hero of yours was his . I was such a huge fan of his. I wasnt a theater kid when i started in college, but i did imitate the comedians that i loved. So we would be at dinner, my father was a lawyer and he would have clients, an at dinner he would say, mark, do eddie murphy, do steve martin. So i would dive into wild and crazy guy, and they would come and say, steve, how can you be such a swinging sex god . Stephen that was tipping you out to the clients. Got a lot of business, everything worked out and everybody won is that you have been starring on tv 20 years, caroline in the city, west wing, royal pains, wet hot american summer. Its amazing. Stephen what do you think keeps the people coming back to Mark Feuerstein . Whats the hook . I have no idea. Who knows what the hook is . Stephen obviously the eye candy. Thank you. laughter the taking the shirt off. I have heard good positive things and negative things all along the way, but recently ive had to listen to them directly because we have this new show nine j. K. L. Coming on to cbs 8 30 monday nights, youre going to love it. Im an executive producer, my wife and i created the show together. I have to go to something called testing. Have you heard of testing . Stephen i have been in a testing room once behind the mirror eating m ms while i heard people say, why does he have a job . Ive got ton listen to those same things. Many people liked it but one person in the eightamerican focus group, people who were in las vegas killing time before ththe mayweather fight stephen why to they always do it in vegas . Because there is a lot of people walking around, i dont know. Stephen there are people in new york city. Fair point. Maybe theyre saving them from losing 50 bucks that hour on a slot machine so they to this testing thing. They sit there and judge you and you have to sit there and watch them. Some people like it and some go, eh, i dont know. Stephen anything personal about you that hurt your feelings . Yes, sure. I dont like him. Stephen did you want to rush into the room . I want to break the mirror and say, excuse me, buddy, this is my life on the line here stephen and not only that but the show is very personal. A lot is based on your own life story. Thats correct. I was here shooting royal pains for, like, eight years and my wife and kids are in l. A. To save money i stayed in an apartment my parents own which is next to the apartment i grew up in that they live in. Stephen as an adult man. As an adult man every morning i would wake up to my father in his tight Tighty Whities going , you want breakfast, eggs, french toast . At night, after a 15hour day, trying to get into my apartment, like a gun slinger in a night ground, my mother would say, would you like to come in for cookies and salad and i would sit with her and hear about the days events. Stephen because youre a good son. Two years my wife and brother and baby lived on the other side in 9l. So two years i was living between my parents and my brother and their wife and baby and my producer said thats a show he was speaking like louie mayer. Stephen youre a natural yeah. Stephen we have a clip. Can you tell us whats about to happen and why is this. Yes, im on a date, my mother is ruining it. Played by linda ladd. Stephen jim . O. doorbell ringing josh thats just my elderly neighbor probably lost her teeth again. Shell find em. doorbell you know what, if we stay quiet, maybe shell go away. Oh laughter whats going on . Perhaps i dont quite understand your relationship with your neighbor. Stephen based on a true story. Also. Stephen thanks and lovely to see you again. So great to see you, too. Stephen nine j. K. L. Premieres monday 8 30 on cbs. Mark feuerstein, everybody. Stick around, we have a performance coming up by steve martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers. cheers and applause band playing behold the power of energizer® ultimate lithium™. Music the 1 longestlasting battery. Fortified. Tored. Replenished. Emerge everyday with emergenc packed with b vitamins, antioxidants, electrolytes plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges. Why not feel this good everyday . Emerge and see. Steal the spotlight in the new stevie. Right now, get up to 50 off all pants and jeans at old navy. We get a gift for mom and dad. , and every year, we split it equally. Except for one of us. I write them a poem instead and one for each of you too that ones actually yours. That one. Regardless, were stuck with the bill. To many, words are the most valuable currency. Last i checked, stores dont take words. Some do. 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Caroline, please welcome steve martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers cheers and applause can you tell me why you left me standing in the parking structure caroline, i was the almost perfect boyfriend, ever, for you and, you even said that to me, one time at the olive garden please return my car and leave the keys inside the glove compartment caroline, caroline oh, caroline, oh, caroline oh, caroline, oh, caroline oh, caroline caroline, you are the hardest thing ill ever put behind me never thought youd leave me stranded not a glance into the rearview ill be looking for someone who wears their hair exactly like you and who swears a blue streak when the tarheels lose the quarterfinals caroline, caroline oh, caroline, oh, caroline oh, caroline, oh, caroline oh, caroline if you ever find another please dont put a post on facebook i would rather think i was a deep regret you cant resolve if i have a drink with someone i will tell her all about you that will be the big mistake that i will make on my first date caroline, caroline oh, caroline, oh, caroline oh, caroline, oh, caroline oh, caroline yes, i know that we could not have lasted daily life can not be that intense ill phone my friends and try to explain why this past year i have acted so insane insane insane caroline, caroline oh, caroline, oh, caroline oh, caroline, oh, caroline oh, caroline caroline, caroline oh, caroline, oh, caroline oh, caroline, oh, caroline oh, caroline cheers and applause stephen the longawaited album is out now steve martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers, everybody well be right back. cheers and applause thank you we took legendary, and made it liberating. We took safe, and made it daring. We took intelligent, and made it utterly irresistible. We took the most advanced eclass ever, and made the most exciting eclass ever. The allnew eclass coupe from mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Throughout history, the one meal when we come together, break bread, share our day and connect as a family. [ bloop, clicking ] and connect, as a family. Just, uh one second voice guy. [ bloop ] huh . Hey . I paused it. Bam, family time. So how is everyone . Find your awesome with xfinity xfi and change the way you wifi. Without pg es assistance, without their training our collaboration with pg e is centered around public safety. We could not do our mission to keep our Community Safe. Anytime we are responding to a structure fire, one of the first calls you make is for pg e for gas and electric safety. Its my job to make sure that they have the training that they need to make the scene safe for themselves and for the public. Its handson training actually turning valves, turning systems off, looking at different wire systems all that training is crucial to keeping our Community Safe and our firefighters safe. Together, were building a better california. Stephen well, thats it for the late show, everybody. Tune in tomorrow when my guest will be Jerry Seinfeld now stick around for james corden and his guests, don johnson and minnie driver. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show ladies and gentlemen, all the way from