[ cheers and applause ] and now, seth meyers. Seth good evening. Im seth meyers. This is late night. We hope youre doing well. And now if you dont mind, were going to get to the news. President biden attended a Campaign Event today at his headquarters in delaware, and this is bad. Even there, hes down four points. [ light laughter ] the third week of former President Trumps criminal hush money trial kicked off today in new york, and you can tell the sketch artist is getting a little bored. [ laughter ] after south dakota governor kristi noem revealed in her upcoming memoir that she killed her puppy, an ally to former President Trump said its impossible for noem to be selected as trumps vice president. After all, they cant have her standing right next to an old yeller. [ laughter ] were going to land this she killed a dog plane soon. Were going to do one joke every monologue this week about how she killed a dog. Judge juan merchan said today that he will allow former President Trump to attend his son barrons high school graduation, but he drew the line at telling trump the name of the high school. [ laughter ] the Biden Administration recently announced a plan that would require all new cars to come with systems to avoid collisions with pedestrians, which explains why elon musk supports trump. [ laughter ] a cat was recently reunited with its family in utah after it was trapped in a box filled with amazon returns and shipped to california. Said one family member, all right, lets try etsy. [ laughter ] three zebras that escaped on a Washington State highway over the weekend were recaptured by authorities and a rodeo clown, which im guessing is still not enough for that rodeo clowns parents to be proud of him. [ laughter ] ahead of the Kentucky Derby on saturday, the fast food chain panera is selling a bread bowlinspired hat, but youre going to want to wear it indoors. [ laughter ] today was National Adopt a shelter pet day. Not for you [ laughter ] there we go. All right. We give ourselves tomorrow off. [ light laughter ] and finally, dave busters has announced it will allow customers over 18 years old to bet on arcade games. And if you want to gamble at chuck e. Cheese, eat the pizza. And that was the monologue, everybody. Were off and running. [ cheers and applause ] we got a great show for you tonight. You know him from true blood and magic mike. Now hes the host of deal or no deal island on nbc and peacock. Joe manganiello is back on the show, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] he is politicos White House Bureau chief, a bestselling author, and the host of way too early with Jonathan Lemire on msnbc. Our friend Jonathan Lemire is also joining us. [ cheers and applause ] she is a very funny comedian who will be performing at the netflix is a joke festival in los angeles. She also hosts the zarna garg family podcast. Zarna garg is fantastic, and shes going to be here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] check out family trips this week. We talk to bowen yang. Its a fantastic listen. Hes a wonderful guy and very excited to have had him on the pod. You guys, moving on, if i may, there is something that has, well, theres no easy way to say it, has been bothering me. Something i need to get off my chest. I was attending a function this past weekend, and i wasnt sure what to wear. It was one of those days where the temperature would flip from 40 degrees to 60 degrees over the course of an afternoon. 60 is, of course, too warm for a coat. 40 is too cold to go without. In my panic, i ended up grabbing a fleeced vest from the back of my closet, tossed it on, and headed out. And i just have to say this. Vests are a [ bleep ] joke [ laughter ] at this point in the broadcast, seth launched into a 60second obscenityladen rant about vests and how, in his opinion, they dont actually do anything at all. Network policy prevents us from broadcasting his comments, but due to a technical issue, we were forced to air this portion of the show. In short, seth believes that vests look stupid, dont regulate body temperature, and the only thing theyre good for is identifying tech bros trying to sell you worthless cryptocurrency. He said that all a vest does is warm your torso, and when youve got a hot as [ bleep ] torso like mine, heat is the last thing you need. At this point, seth put one hand on his hip while wagging his other hands index finger in the air while saying, and dont even get me started on sweater vests. This prompted seths security guard, jim, to say, i was actually kind of hoping you would get started. [ laughter ] really . Said seth. Yes, really, said jim. I was excited to hear your fresh take. This made seth beam. Many people would later note they had never seen seth look as happy as he did in that moment. Jim, you have no idea how glad i am that you want to know my thoughts on sweater vests. You see, what most people fail to understand about knitwear patterns, especially argyle, is at this point, seths voice was drowned out by a loud guffaw. The guffaw came from jim. [ light laughter ] oh, god, he actually believed me, wheezed jim betwixt additional guffaws. Of course i dont want to hear about sweater vests, you [ bleep ] dork. [ laughter ] seth did not beam now. In fact, the look on his face was whatever the opposite of beaming is. He then pulled out a handwritten list titled people i can still trust and crossed out the name jim. [ light laughter ] it was the only name on the list that wasnt already crossed out. Seth then collected himself. He called out to his stage manager. Hey, tom, he said, can you test out a new design im working on . One step ahead of you, said tom, as he ripped the torso off of his shirt, leaving only the sleeves. [ laughter ] seth took a good look at tom and made him spin around. He couldnt help noticing his fit physique and said, tom, youre in great shape for a 65yearold man. To which tom replied, im 22. [ laughter ] to which seth replied, oh. You should probably see a doctor. Seth then pontificated about how there were many sartorial options better suited for unpredictable weather than the vest. One such being the cape. Capes are great, said seth. In fact, i have my own line of capes debuting this summer in the nbc store. He then pulled out a cape from under his desk and put it on. Then in what resembled an mlmstyle sales pitch, he modeled the cape while outlining its many features, including wind resistance, gortex underlining, sex appeal, and a signature brand logo on the back. [ light laughter ] at this point, seths cue card guy, wally, called out, i cant believe you stole my idea. Wally was also wearing a cape. You snooze, you lose, bucko, said seth. Well see who snoozes and who loses, said wally, as he proceeded to give his own sales pitch, which ended with him saying, if you buy one of wonder wallys crazy capes in the next 15 minutes, your order comes with a free wind machine. Who would want that . Said seth. You tell me, replied wally. At this point, a wind machine turned on. [ laughter ] and for a few glorious seconds, wally looked like as though he was flying through the air like some beautiful half man half god. [ laughter and applause ] before the end of the night, every member of the audience had purchased one of wonder wallys crazy capes. Before the end of the week, wally was a millionaire. Before the end of the month, wally was dead broke, having given all of his money to a vestclad crypto bro to invest in something called turdcoin. Seth then went off on people who wear puffy vests, saying, who do you think you are, marty mcfly . Just then, there was a bright bolt of lightning in the studio, and someone in a puffy vest appeared from a cloud of smoke. Seth, we got to go back. Marty mcfly . Said seth. Thats me. I just came from january 2025. Oh, no, replied seth. Is trump president again . No, Mark Wahlberg is. And its all because of a joke you told about him in your monologue tonight. You got to go back and not tell that joke. I didnt tell a joke about Mark Wahlberg in my monologue, said seth. This seemed to take marty mcfly by surprise. You didnt . No. Did you even watch my monologue . Marty mcfly looked a bit sheepish and said, im really more of a kimmel guy. [ light laughter ] kimmels on an hour before me. You can watch both, said seth. Yeah. Right. Maybe i will sometime, said marty. Anyways, good chat. I got to go. Marty then hopped on a citi bike and started to ride away. Wait a minute, said seth. Wheres the delorean . Your show doesnt have the budget for a delorean. This isnt jimmy kimmel live. he then pedaled away as fast as his legs could take him, back to the future. Nbc would like to ask viewers to disregard seths opinions about vests as they do not reflect the Networks Position and do not make any sense. We now resume our broadcast. Seth you know what i have to say about that . Sleeve em alone whoo that felt good to get off my chest. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with joe manganiello. [ cheers and applause ] if you have moderate to Severe Ulcerative Colitis or crohns disease. Put it in check with rinvoq. A once daily pill. When symptoms tried to take control, i got rapid relief. And reduced fatigue with rinvoq. Check. When flares kept trying to slow me down. I got lasting steroid free remission. With rinvoq. Check. And when my doctor saw damage,. Rinvoq helped visibly reduce damage of the intestinal lining. Check. For both uc and crohns rapid symptom relief. Lasting steroid free remission. And visibly reduced damage. Check. Check. And check. Rinvoq can lower your ability to fight infections, including tb. Serious infections and blood clots, some fatal; cancers, including lymphoma and skin; heart attack, stroke, and gi tears occurred. People 50 and older with a Heart Disease risk factor have an increased risk of death. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Tell your doctor if you are or may become pregnant. Put uc and crohns in check. And keep them there with rinvoq. Ask your gastroenterologist about rinvoq and learn how abbvie can help you save. Whats the worst part of the locker room . Shareef axe. Axe. Brandon i like that. Shareef reminds me of like a designer store. Brandon this smells like a candle. Shareef is this a joke . You chose axe brandon i knew i had good taste shareef i thought that was a designer brand. Extra cold. Was this fire persons day hard enough for a mikes hard lemonade, joel . Was it . fire truck sirens hey cat hissing keep it cool, cool cat. Hard days deserve a hard lemonade i wanna see all my friends at once [droids beeping] [loud indistinct chatter] [message received tone] i wanna see all my friends at once [find my chime] i wanna see all my friends at once [find my chime] [in unison] hey [thud] i wanna see all my friends at once [ cheers and applause ] seth give it up for the fantastic 8g band, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] back with us on drums tonight, shes the d. J. , leader of the queen cora orchestra, and drummer for two historic super bowl halftime shows with prince and beyonce. Check out her drum throne International Magazine at drumthronemag. Com and follow her on instagram iamqueencora. Queen cora is here. So happy good to be here. [ cheers and applause ] seth to have you with us, queen. You know our first guest from shows such as true blood and movies like archenemy, Zack Snyders Justice league, and the magic mike franchise. He hosts deal or no deal island, which airs mondays on mn nb jesus. On nbc . Is that what were called . [ laughter ] is it now . Are they going with nbc . Thats what it is . [ laughter ] all right. I dont know if its going to stick. [ laughter ] its available the next day on peacock. Lets take a look. There are two different locations within the maze containing cases. Lowvalue cases in one area, highvalue cases in another. Everyone has an important decision to make in terms of which case to go after. The highvalue cases are the hardest to reach, which means oh, god. Going for one of those puts you at greater risk of finishing last. Last. [ sighs ] there are no more second chances. The last guest to emerge from the maze will be eliminated immediately. Wow. Oh, geez. Seth please welcome back to the show joe manganiello, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] seth oh, my god. Look so sharp whew, thank you. Peyman umay makes these great suits for me. Seth i feel like youre taking advantage of being off the island now. You can wear your proper suits. Im not sweating through everything. I dont have to have four of everything. Seth yeah. So, this is deal or no deal. Were all familiar with that show. Yep. Seth howie mandel hosted. But now this is on an island. Mmhmm. Seth and it seems to have sort of the elements of a survivortype show to it. Thats right, yeah. Actually, the entire crew from australian survivor came up and were our crew. But the show is also run by a man named matt kunitz, who created fear factor. Seth okay. And then our story team is the allstar story team that did, like, 20 years of big brother. Seth so its a lot of the best of game shows and reality shows all put together on one island. All put together into one, with a bit of a like a, you know, depraved billionaire owns this island, invites 13 guests to his island in order to find his equal. Seth yeah. It is a real reminder, you know, when a billionaire invites you to an island, just think twice. Its [ laughter ] its topical. Seth its topical right now. Its very topical. But theres seth so, there are cases hidden all over the island. Thats right. 200 million is hidden in briefcases all over the island. Seth see, you got to remember where you hide em. [ laughter ] me, for sure. Seth nbc, which is what theyre now calling themselves theyre [ laughter ] if you come back and youre like, we lost some of the cases, thats going to be a bad scene. Joe, get back out there. Seth get back out there, yeah. Go find that case, yeah. Seth and theres some familiar faces for people who like this kind of show. For people who like this kind of show, myself included i was a survivor junkie. And when i got to the island, they said, oh, you know, boston robs flying in this morning. I said, whats he doing here . Seth yeah. They said, no, hes one of the guests. Im like, get out of here you know. But of course i had to hide that because its up to the players to reveal that or rob to reveal that or not. Like i dont interfere. Seth so, youre just doing so much hiding. All kinds of hiding. Seth youre hiding cases. Youre hiding guests. Its just so a million seth much hiding. Yeah, and then claudia jordan, who people know from real housewives, and also she was one of the original briefcase girls seth oh, really . In the original deal or no deal. Seth get out of town. So, shes seen shes had the Million Dollar case a few times. Shes seen so many deals go down. So, the two of them being there put targets on their back immediately. Seth gotcha. So did you was this something that you ever thought you would do, host a show like this . I had been offered hosting jobs before. But, you know, i come from that generation where it was tv or film. Seth sure. And then hbo happened, and it was like, okay, you can do tv. Seth yeah, yeah, yeah. You know . And then it was like you can only do commercials if theyre in japan. And then it was like, no, no, no. Now everybodys doing commercials in america. Seth yeah, yeah, yeah. And now, you know, for me, i mean i watched survivor like a junkie. Like when i was on set or in some foreign country, its always me and the dog, brushing my teeth, watching survivor episodes, you know . Seth yeah. And so, when they called me and explained the job to me, it was basically like, do you want to be the next jeff probst . And i was like, of course i do. Are you kidding . You dont know who youre talking to. Seth thats fantastic. So, i was really excited to do this specifically. Seth obviously, we can tell from the clip, it is, you know, its a beautiful island. But its stressful for contestants on a show like this. Everybody wants to win. Moneys at stake. Do you actually get to enjoy the island at all because youre not a contestant . Or because youre sort of so involved with the production of the show, its just a fulltime job . Im very, very involved with the production. I work sixday weeks when im there. And on the seventh day, im usually like training, catching up, meeting with the story team, who hates who, getting all the tea. You know, whos teaming up with who. And you know seth do you feel like you know, if you continue to do this show, do you think you could clock faster who hates who . Like when you saw them, do you feel like now youd be like, oh, yeah, youre going to ill tell you what, though, there was so many surprises. Especially in the beginning. And not to give this away for anyone who hasnt binge watched it yet on peacock. But like there was a distinct villain over the first four episodes, and i could not believe who it was. I said, what do you mean . That sweet person is the villain . And they said, you have no idea whats going on in camp. [ light laughter ] so, no matter what you think, youre going to be shocked at kind of the seth id be so bad at these because im just going to say it. I would be like, i did come here to make friends. I feel like thats [ laughter ] that might be a good strategy, though. Seth that might be a good strategy. So, if you were going to do one of these reality shows as a competitor, do you think youd be any good at it . I mean, yeah. I think i could win for sure. Seth really . Yeah, i think i could win survivor. Well, you see, the trick about survivor is id be really good at getting everyone things to eat, catching the animals, catching the fish, climbing the trees. Seth uhhuh. Winning the challenges. As soon as everyone merges and its every person for themself, theyre going to go right after me. So, id have to win immunity every time. Seth gotcha. But i will say, i did stand there looking at our game thinking, i would switch places with any of you right now. Like i wanted i wanted to play. Seth oh, you wanted in . Oh, i wanted in. Seth excellent. Yeah, yeah. Seth do you feel that way like when you watch sports . Because you played you were an athlete growing up. You still i mean, you still think like, i want in there . To a degree. I mean it was interesting. I was at the airport recently, and this woman came over. The waitress came over and said, you know, youre a lot smaller than i thought. [ light laughter ] and i went, im 65, 250. How big did you what did you think . I was 68, 280 . I go, what . And she goes, i dont know. I guess the camera adds pounds. Seth yeah. And my girlfriend said, you know, hes bigger than most football players. And she said, well, not travis kelce. She goes, travis kelce is 65, 250. And it was like we got into this kind of standoff. Seth its so funny to go up to the biggest guy in the airport and be like, nah. [ laughter ] yeah, you look tiny. Seth can i tell you something exciting about me . Not to make you feel bad. You know what i get all the time . Taller than i thought youd be. And you know why . Because i sit im only sat on television. So, people see me, theyre like, look at you. Theres a whole bottom half. [ laughter ] next season, im going to have like a wheelchair or something. Seth yeah, yeah, yeah. That would really i think you should have a desk on the beach. I think that nobody does enough desks on the beach. You are eliminated. Yeah. Seth yeah, exactly. And they just like stamp it. We talked in the past. Both we share a couple things. We share a birthday. Oh, yeah. Seth and were both huge Pittsburgh Steelers fans. Yeah. [ scattered screams ] seth look at that. Yes everybody like the draft . No . [ laughter ] its like the best draft in years. Seth that was like a massively weird thing. They were so excited about the steelers, and then they had no reaction to the first followup. [ laughter ] im going to leave the questioning to you. Seth yeah, no. I was very happy with the draft. But i want to ask you this question. Weve gone to games in pittsburgh. Yep. Seth and theres a thing sometimes when they go, they go, hey, you know, youre sort of a fan, wellknown fan. Terrible towel twirl . Have you done the Terrible Towel ive done it a bunch. Seth yeah. I think youd be so much so this is you go out, and you whip the towel around. Yeah. Seth and the crowd goes crazy. I just want to say i bet youre so much better at it than i was. [ light laughter ] i just think i dont like when i do this, i feel like people are like, hes not supposed to be doing that. [ laughter ] right. Seth i bet youre just amazing. I dont want to like blow you up right now, but i usually do two. [ laughter ] seth you do two towels at once . Yeah, yeah. Seth i said, can i do two . And they were like, we dont think youve got the arm strength. [ laughter ] theyre like, show us one first. Seth show us one. And then, by the way, that was seven years ago. Theyve never asked again. I got to make a phone call. Seth oh, thank you so much. Thanks for being here, buddy. Congrats on the show. Thanks, seth. Seth always a pleasure. Go steelers. Seth go steelers. Yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] seth joe manganiello, everybody. Deal or no deal island mondays at 10 00 p. M. On nbc and available the next day on peacock. Well be right back with Jonathan Lemire. [ cheers and applause ] marci so, how long have you lived here . And how are the restaurants around here . Are they good, bad, meh . luke marci, weve gotta go. marci im sorry. luke weve got seventeen thousand more parks to visit. [marci screams] luke we bring you the best neighborhood info. marci ding dong luke homesdotcom. These days everyone is staring at screens, and watching their spending. Good vision is more important than ever, but so is saving. Thats why americas best includes a free eye exam when you buy two pairs of glasses for just 79. 95. Book an exam online today. Ugh. Nothing works on this acne. Hi who. . Im a licensed dermatology provider from curology. Oh. Answer a few questions, ill look at your skin, and prescribe you a personalized cream. Wow curology. Skincare with a face. ive got to go. Ok. Bye. Mom thanks mom. Yeah. you were made to dream about it for years. We were made to help you book it in minutes. [ cheers and applause ] seth our next guest is a New York Times bestselling author, politicos White House Bureau chief, and the host of way too early with Jonathan Lemire, which areas weekdays at 5 00 a. M. On msnbc. Please welcome back to the show our friend Jonathan Lemire. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back. Its so im always so flattered when you make time for us, considering you got to this building at what time . I walk in at about 4 30 every morning. Seth 4 30 a. M. After my alarm goes off about 3 15. Uh, it is i splash some water on my face, try to consume some coffee, and then sail in, because at that hour, seth, no traffic. Seth no traffic. No traffic whatsoever. Seth it might sound bad, but no traffic. No traffic, so Everything Else seth and then its basically you have, uh, what ends up being about a fivehour shift on tv because you do your show. Then you stick around for morning joe, and that is quite a gauntlet to run first thing in the morning, to be on camera for ultimately, you know, five hours. Yeah, my legs go numb about halfway through. Seth yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, uh, my show is way too early. Its a way to bring the comprehensive but succinct news of the day. Get everyone started to know what they need to know as they head out the door. And then, yeah, im flattered to have a perch on morning joe for the next four hours. Joe and mika and willie have built an institution. Seth this is my i really enjoy this headline. Governor kristi noem stands by decision to kill her dog. [ light laughter ] yes. We cover the stories that really matter. Seth you cover the stories. Well there was an eightperson, uh, talking head boxes about this one. We had complete team coverage. [ light laughter ] seth complete team coverage. We we flooded the zone. Seth flooded the zone. To talk about the execution in a gravel pit. Seth it is very nice in this day and age to have something that everybody agrees on, and it seems like democrats and republicans all sort of collectively agree that she maybe shouldnt have put in her book that she killed her dog. [ light laughter ] a rare bipartisan issue. Seth yes. [ light laughter ] where whether youre on the right or on the left, we agree that you, a, shouldnt execute your dog in a gravel pit. Seth yeah. And then, b, shouldnt boast about it in your book. [ light laughter ] seth yeah. And you shouldnt tell people the name of the dog in the book, because cricket doesnt sound like a dog who deserves it. [ audience aws ] no. Seth yeah, see . And especially cricket, who was killed by the governors own admission, because too joyful. [ audience aws ] seth yeah. Too happy. Wouldnt control himself during a hunt. Seth yeah. And there you go. It feels like everybody here is super happy were still talking about it. [ laughter ] yes. I mean, we did it for five hours this morning, so whats one more now . Seth it does sometimes must feel like when youre on sort of an eightperson panel like this, and joe scarborough, who i always enjoy that he calls you by your first and last name yes. Seth every single time. Every time. Seth and sometimes he will have sort of, it feels like a comprehensive windup to the question. How how many words in edgewise do you feel like you get during that fourhour morning joe chunk . Comprehensive windup is delicately put. Seth thank you. Yes. Ive been on the show every day for years, and its still Jonathan Lemire every time. And, yes, and joe is i mean he is singularly talented. Joe scarborough, remarkable at what he does. Hell be the first to admit he can be a little verbose, and sometimes he will start a question by calling out my name, Jonathan Lemire. The camera will cut to me. Well be in a twoshot. Seven minutes later, im still there working on my facial expression, trying to remember what he asked me before he winds up. Seth well, you do a very good job. Both of you are very good at your jobs. He does hes a very good point guard. No doubt. Seth he runs the floor, uh, incredibly well. You went to Columbia University. I did. Seth Columbia University in the news right now. Columbia university has a i feel is very proud of their history of student protests. Would you say thats accurate having gone there . No question. You know, when i was a student there, the only time we the only things we protested were just how bad the Football Team was. Seth mmhmm. [ light laughter ] but on a but on a serious note, yes. I mean, during the vietnam war, columbia was sort of the epicenter of protests against that conflict. There have been a number of cases since, including an antiapartheid protest in the 1980s. And were seeing that again now. And certainly, lets be clear. There is a space for peaceful protest, and most of the students who are on campus are doing exactly that, protesting what they see in gaza and doing it peacefully, but not everyone. And there are some outside agitators involved too, and theres certainly no place for any kind of the hateful rhetoric and the violence that weve started to see. Seth theres also, uh, right now, theres a trial of a former president. Youre aware. Yes, ive heard. Its a seth it has been mean its obviously shocking that its happening. But were the beginning of week three. What is your what have you been most shocked by, or if theres anything specific . Well, what i am most shocked by is that, first of all, this is history. Its the first time a former president has stood criminal trial, and yet thats not enough to keep him awake. [ light laughter ] seth yeah. Because he has fallen asleep on a daily basis inside that courtroom. And then and today he was he was held in contempt. Seth yes. Now, it was nine counts of contempt [ applause ] well, hold on. Yes, yes, but he was before they get too excited, you want to tell them the tell them the total charges. So it was nine counts of contempt, for social media posts, that were deemed to have violated the gag order. Each count drew a fine of 1,000. And donald trump may not be as rich as he claims to be, but he can still afford that. Seth yeah. Thats judge dr. Evil, i think, was who fined him 1,000. What is noteworthy, though, is that the judge and theres another hearing about possible other possible gag order violations later this week. He has said the penalties could be escalatory, and hes not ruling out even a night or two in jail, but were a long way from that. Seth yeah. So do you think that you basically you have to lay down this base coat, if you are going to escalate . You have to especially because, you know, i mean it goes without saying that donald trump is going to attack the judge anytime he makes a ruling against, uh against him. So do you just want to say, look, im being reasonable now. A thousand dollars, you know, a 9,000 fine, that is reasonable. We all know thats reasonable. But i also want to let you know that, you know, i have to draw the line somewhere. I think thats exactly right, and weve had legal experts on on the shows who have said that. That its important for the judge to establish, like, look, we are going to treat you like any other defendant. We would have fined another defendant. Were going to do that with you as well and hope that he gets the message. If past is prologue, he wont. Seth yes. Donald trump back in the day you obviously, i think anybody who lives in this city has experience with him, especially with being a reporter. He actually tried to or i believe he thought he was trying to help you out. Yes. And i cover this story in my book. So i was a reporter at the new york daily news. I was one of the tabloid papers here in the city. I was an intern. It was the summer of 2001, and i was sent to get a quote from trump. Hed appeared at some random event. It didnt really matter, but we wanted to ask him about about something else. So i dutifully went. And there was a scrum afterward, at the end of the event, and he took a few he took a few questions. And i asked i was in the middle of asking whatever it was that i needed, and he looked at me. I suddenly realized he looked at me, and he looked next to me. And he was like, hey. And hepointed at me, and he pointed to the young female reporter next to me and was like, hey, are you two are you two together . And i looked at her, a woman i had never seen before in my life. And i was like, no, were most certainly not. And he paused and went, oh. Well, you both have red hair, so i just assumed you guys were together. [ light laughter ] now, at that moment, im 21 years old. This is one of my first assignments. Im an intern. I just started out. And my thought was, does donald trump think couples come colorcoded . [ laughter ] and even then, i was like, wouldnt it make more sense if we were brother sister if we both had red hair . So but i seth see, thats it. He threw you off your game. I didnt voice that. Yeah, he got away with it. And then the News Conference mercifully wraps up, and then afterwards, he he beckons me over. The other woman thankfully had left. And he was like, you guys really, you arent together . I was like, no, no. Hes like, but would you want to be . I can make that happen. [ laughter ] now, the followups to this are, first of all, i never saw that woman again in my life. Let me say hi to my wife right now. Seth yeah. And secondly, i did not take donald trump up on his matchmaking ability, which may be why, a couple of decades later, he called me a sleazebag, and later the most boring man on television. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] he held a grudge. Seth there you go. He held a grudge. Absolutely. Hes like, i tried to get two redheads together, and this guy drove a wedge between true love. Yeah. So, i mean, i have had exactly zero second thoughts about that decision. Seth yeah, i think thats right. But its, you know, now a good story to tell on a talk show. Seth hey, thanks so much for being here. Its always a pleasure. My pleasure. Seth you guys, thats Jonathan Lemire. [ cheers and applause ] way too early with Jonathan Lemire airs weekdays at 5 00 a. M. On msnbc. Well be right back with zarna garg. [ cheers and applause ] we really dont want people to think of feeding food like ours is spoiling their dogs. Good, real food is simple. It looks like food, it smells like food, its what dogs are supposed to be eating. No living being should ever eat processed food for every single meal of their life. Its amazing to me how many people write in about their dogs changing for the better. The farmers dog is just our way to help people take care of them. Whats the worst part of the locker room . Shareef axe. Axe. Brandon i like that. Shareef reminds me of like a designer store. Brandon this smells like a candle. Shareef is this a joke . You chose axe brandon i knew i had good taste shareef i thought that was a designer brand. Believe it or not baby. Brandon i knew i you could earn your. Masters. For under 11 thousand masters degree for under 11k in less than a year. Earn your competency based masters at university of phoenix. [ upbeat music ] [singing] im returning for the candle drop. [singing] i just get a latte, pretend to shop. One bite of a 100 angus beef ball park frank and youll say. Hello summer oh yeah, its ball park season. Im a bird stuck in larry birds attic. And im goin cuckoo. What the heck. What you got larry . May the best bird win. Brick. You may be a legend on the court but youre an amateur up here. Heads up lar. So get allstate. Save money and be protected from mayhem. Like me. Now youre the bird stuck in the attic. [ cheers and applause ] seth our next guest is a very funny comedian who will be performing at the netflix is a joke fest in los angeles may 6th through may 8th. Shes also the host of the zarna guard family podcast. Please welcome to the show zarna garg, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome to the show, zarna. Thank you so much for having me. Im so excited to be here. Seth i got to meet you. You were opening for tina and amy on their restless leg tour. You were so funny. I got to meet you backstage. Heres a lovely photo of the two of us. You also celebrated a birthday backstage with this lovely group of people. How was it working with tina and amy . Oh, i mean, first of all, you know i totally planned that whole birthday thing. Seth okay. It wasnt around that time, but i was like why not . Seth oh, so the time so you got the cake for yourself, not on your birthday . We just made it happen. Seth okay. [ laughter ] but tina and amy, great, amazing. You know, theyre the ogs of comedy. Seth yeah. It was so fun working with them. Theyre so warm and inviting. But heres the thing. Like, a lot of times we would hang out backstage, and i kind of had to pretend like i knew what i was talking about. Because i didnt grow up watching snl. Seth sure. Like saturday nights were for studying. [ laughter ] i mean, im indian. We dont believe in fun. Seth right, right, right. [ laughter ] its not what we do. Seth uhhuh. So they would turn to me and say things like, you know steve, right . And i would be like, steve, my sons chess tutor . [ laughter ] steve jobs . Stephen hawking . You know, my mind would be racing, and they would i knew. Then i was oh, steve martin. Seth yeah, thats their steve. Thats their steve. And do you know that steve martin, hes a big deal. Seth yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] thats good you know that now. Yeah, i do. Seth we both do podcasts with our family. I do it with my brother, but you do the whole family. Yes. Seth how does your family feel about being on a podcast, and in general the way you tell a lot of jokes about your family . Well, heres the thing. I realized one day, i was like, why am i the only one working . Seth yeah. [ laughter ] do you know what i mean . I was like, put em to work. Seth yeah. And theyre a goodlooking bunch. Wouldnt you say . Seth they are a very handsome family. Put all those cheekbones to work. Seth yeah. And you know they say when youre goodlooking, do a podcast. [ laughter ] how do they feel about how does your husband feel about you talking about listen, what weve learned is that the world loves listening to us, watching us bicker, talk about all our family problems. We kind of talk about things that are secret in our community. Seth mmhmm. Like my husband losing his job, or, you know, my guilt at being a working mom, which i dont really have it but for the podcast. [ laughter ] seth yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to like pretend. You know how it goes. Seth yeah, yeah. Yeah. But they love it. The kids love it. You know, everybody seems to enjoy it. And i love your podcast. Seth oh, thank you. I love it. I mean we dont really take vacations. Seth uhhuh. Because, again, were indian. Seth okay. [ light laughter ] but we understand. Youre a white person, so seth thank you. [ light laughter ] we love watching, you know. Seth you love hearing about our travels. Yeah. Seth thats so sweet of you. Sometimes i steal the stories, also. Seth oh, gotcha. Sometimes i ill pretend. Seth do you feel like youre sometimes maybe listening to your podcast, it feels like maybe youre not outwardly affectionate to your husband. Do you feel like thats accurate . Oh, um, well [ light laughter ] we just celebrated 25 years being together. Seth congratulations. Right . [ cheers and applause ] thank you see, this is why i love my american audience. [ light laughter ] because here in america, if youre not divorced, youre a hero. [ laughter ] seth yeah, yeah, yeah. If i had said the same thing back home in india, ive been married 25 years, they would be like, what do you want, a participation trophy . [ laughter ] but im not ive never said i love you to my husband. Thats not something we do. Seth mmhmm. Not to him anyway. Ljlj that came out wrong. Maybe to the kids, maybe someday. Seth okay, one day. One day. Seth if they make you if they earn it. Yeah, i mean, the big secret to the success of my marriage is that we dont communicate. Seth uhhuh. [ laughter ] no, really. All my friends who, like to communicate, theyre all communicating with their divorce lawyers. [ laughter ] so we keep it very simple. Seth do you show is there any way you show affection to your husband . Yes, of course. Just because i dont say i love you, i love you because, you know, in america everywhere you go, i love you. Uber driver, i love you. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] duane reade guy gives you a bag, i really love you. Relax. I dont say it, but i show him my love. Seth oh, thats sweet. I check all his emails for him. [ laughter ] no, i replace all his loser friends with my friends. [ laughter ] and just for your audience today, im going to give you a prograde tip. Seth prograde . Yeah, its prograde because ive like researched this. Seth okay. Nothing naughty is happening over email any more. Seth really . Yes. All of it has moved to linkedin dms. Seth no [ laughter ] thats where the shady stuff is happening . Yes. And how do i know this . One day my husband fell asleep with his laptop open. Seth uhhuh. Now, first of all, if its already open, then its not my fault if i see something. Seth right. [ light laughter ] right . Seth absolutely. And i was just cleaning it, wiping it clean, making it nice for him. Seth okay. And his link yeah. [ laughter ] and his linkedin dms popped up. Seth okay. And there was a message. Seth what did it say . From one of his work colleagues, angelie. Seth okay. Shes like, hey, shalabh, congrats on the new job. We should catch up. [ laughter ] i said, let me just take care of this for him. Seth mmhmm. And i just wrote her back. I said, no need to catch up. Hes dead. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause seth so sweet. You are sweet. We we have something in common in our acts. We both and i should note im a big fan of my motherinlaw, but i have told a few stories about her. Youve told a few about yours. How was that met how was that embraced in Indian Culture . Well, the truth is that when i first started doing comedy, i didnt tell her i was doing it. Seth okay. But her bitchy friends [ laughter ] follow me on social media, and they run and go report me to her. Seth oh, no. So she called me, and she goes, is it true you make jokes about me . I was like, kind of. You know, downplayed it. Seth sure, sure. And then shes like, you make money doing this . I said, sort of. And then she got really quiet. So i got nervous. I was like, are you upset with me . Do you want me to stop . And she said, if it makes money, you tell people that your fatherinlaw has only one testicle. [ laughter and applause ] seth thats so kind of her. Yeah. Seth you have a new youre touring with a new show called practical people win. Yes. Seth tell us the i mean, that seems like its explaining itself, but whats the idea behind it . Well, first of all, thank you for bringing it up. I was so not prepared to talk about this. [ laughter ] but i am touring with my show, practical people win. Tickets available on my website. And this show is very, very simple. It gives people all the secrets on how to live a successful life despite all the nonsense thats going on in the world right now. You know, because theres so much going on, and i think somebody needs to say the most basic things. Like, you know, you you heard this phrase, think outside the box . Seth yeah. Yeah . Im not a fan of that phrase. Seth okay. Whats the problem . Personally, i like the box. Seth okay. Everybody stay in the box. [ light laughter ] staying in the box is how we became the people who produced doctors, engineers, ceos. You know how many ceos are indian in this country right now . Seth how many . Lots. Lots and lots. Google, microsoft, ibm. You can name so many of them. And, like, the indian ceo is like the new labradoodle. Seth okay. [ light laughter ] everybody wants one. Seth everybody wants one. Everybody wants one. Its a thing. Like the spot opens up, and theyre like but somebody needs to say it because in america, they tell the kids, you can be anything you want to be. And heres the thing. Im happy to tell somebody that your 56 kid is not going to play for the knicks. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] right . But he could become a statistician for the knicks, and they also get free tickets. Seth thats not bad. Thats not bad. Right . Seth you have is it true that you have an issue with Childrens Books . Because you know i wrote one. Yes, i know you wrote one, and i liked your book. I really did. Its about the bear thats scared to make friends and all of that. Seth yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the book, but you really didnt have to go to so much trouble. I could have fixed this bears problem very quickly. If he just joined doctors without borders, he would have a lot of friends. Seth okay. But i do have a problem with Childrens Books today because Childrens Books in america all tell the kids the same thing if you dream it, you can become it. If you imagine it, you are it. What even is it . Seth yeah. Right . Not a single Childrens Book in america tells kids to shut up and study. [ laughter ] you have kids, right . Seth yeah, i have two boys and a girl. Two boys . Well done, seth. [ laughter ] [ applause ] the one girl you cant feel bad about because every family gets a challenge, you know. Seth yeah. But these kids, they need to hear it. You know what i mean . Seth you have a poem, a very helpful poem. Well, you know, i wasnt going to do this, but because i love your show so much, im going to make this a World Exclusive right here just for you. Seth youre going to share a poem youve never shared . Im going to share a poem. I was saving it because im writing the first ever practical parents guide to parenting. Seth okay. And my book is called its never too late to take the mcats. Seth okay. [ laughter ] would you like to hear a snippet . Seth i would love to hear a snippet. Okay, thank you. Just one second. Seth okay. You brought this this is an indian antipocket. I have it. Seth okay. I have it. Okay. Here it goes. Are you ready for this . Seth yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. People tell their kids they can be policemen, firemen, cowboys, or astronauts. All dangerous jobs that dont pay a lot. [ light laughter ] we make our kids study and focus on the practical. Science, technology, engineering, mathematical. Dreams of going to mars wont get them a scholarship. But you know what will . Designing that rocket ship. In reality, you cant be anything you want. Thats just the facts. But here is the good news. Its never too late to take the mcats. [ cheers and applause ] seth thank you. Zarna garg, everyone. For tickets to her tour, go to zarnagarg. Com. Well be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause ] late night. [ cheers and applause ] watch me iig piig cause i feel it light up can you spark this fire . And watch me move for you move move and watch me move maybe you should settle down and watch me move whats the worst part of the locker room . Shareef axe. Axe. Brandon i like that. Shareef reminds me of like a designer store. Brandon this smells like a candle. Shareef is this a joke . You chose axe brandon i knew i had good taste shareef i thought that was a designer brand. No application fee if you apply by may 31 at university of maryland global campus, offering online and hybrid courses and lifetime career services. Learn about our more than 125 degrees and certificates at umgc. Edu. If you have moderate to Severe Ulcerative Colitis or crohns disease. Put it in check with rinvoq. A once daily pill. When symptoms tried to take control, i got rapid relief. And reduced fatigue with rinvoq. Check. When flares kept trying to slow me down. 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Available wherever you listen to podcasts. [ cheers and applause ] seth i want to thank my guests, joe manganiello, Jonathan Lemire, zarna garg, everyone queen cora and the 8g band. Thanks for watching, everybody. We love you. [ cheers and applause ]