Transcripts For KNTV The 20240703

Warmer for the afternoon. Next two days. The warmest of the week around the bay area. Thanks for joining us tonight. Have a great day tomorrow. Bye bye. Jimmy hey bub, do you wanna do the tiktok portrait challenge . [ cheers and applause ] okay. Jimmy we just paint each others portraits, and then show em to each other when were done. kay. [ light laughter ] jimmy okay. Im done. Me too. Jimmy let me show you my painting of you. Thats pretty good. Jimmy right . Yeah. Jimmy thats good. Let me see yours. [ laughter ] thats not what i look like. You gotta look closer. Closer. [ thud ] jimmy ooh. [ laughter and applause ] congratulations on ten years. [ cheers and applause ] steve from studio 6b in Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show starring jimmy fallon. Tonight, join jimmy and his guests Robert De Niro, Chelsea Handler, musical guests, ms. Lauryn hill and yg marley, and featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove ten steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my gosh. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very, very much. I appreciate it. I love you, jimmy jimmy thank you very much. Enjoy yourself. Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. [ cheers and applause ] youre here thank you for watching. Im very excited about this. Robert de niro is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] backstage, i told him hes the greatest actor of all time, and he said, well, youre the greatest talk show host of all time. [ scattered cheers ] i said, really . And he said, no, im just the greatest actor of all time. [ laughter ] Robert De Niro was actually my first late night guest. I asked him if i had gotten better at interviewing and he said, ill see you out there, buddy. [ laughter ] well, guys, earlier tonight nbc aired our shows tenyear Anniversary Special. Ten years [ cheers and applause ] amazing. Ten years. [ cheers and applause ] its hard to believe when i got the job, President Biden was just a freshfaced 71yearold. You know, thats [ laughter ] thats right, weve been on the air for one pandemic, two president ial elections, and 300 fast and the furious movies. [ laughter ] course, i want to say thank you to my wife, my kids, and most of all, my lawyer, michael cohen. [ laughter ] speaking of cohen, today he continued testifying in former president trumps hush money trial. During his testimony, cohen laid out tons of evidence, including tapes, emails, photos and calendar events. Its pretty impressive, one of trumps lawyers might actually win a case. [ laughter and applause ] yeah, wild. Some more political news, senator Bernie Sanders defended his decision to seek a fourth term in office, saying, i would not have run if i didnt think i had the energy. [ light laughter ] bernie was like, if you put a a windmill in front of my mouth, i could power las vegas. [ laughter and applause ] you go, yeah, you got a lot of energy. Well, switching gears, i saw that playstation Just Announced that theyre hiring two new ceos. Its already a mess, cause they spent the first day fighting over who gets to use the nice controller. [ laughter ] well get this, seafood chain, red lobster is struggling, and they just abruptly closed 99 of their restaurants around the country. Steve ooh. Jimmy the news is kind of shocking, red lobster was doing well. They were like, how are we closing . Meanwhile, long john silvers was like, how are we still open . [ laughter ] some more business news, pringles just introduced a new type of puffy snack that comes in a bag instead of a can, called pringles mingles. [ light laughter ] theres no can and no chips. Basically, pringles was like, what if we werent pringles . [ laughter ] is it me, or does pringles mingles sound like a dating app for potato chips . [ light laughter ] we met on we met on pringles mingles. Well, as i mentioned, were celebrating our shows tenyear anniversary, and were so proud to have done ten years of the tonight show. Hey. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, woohoo. Oh, great. Thats great. Hey, fallon. Fallon, im here for my money. Jimmy im sorry, who are you . Oh, oh, wait, you really gonna act like you dont recognize me . Every night before the show, you ordered nuts from my nuts4nuts cart. [ laughter ] you got it . Jimmy no. Do you understand what youre saying . [ laughter ] look, man, listen. Every night you order nuts from my nuts4nuts cart cause you nuts for nuts, get it . Jimmy what what are you talking about . No, what are you talking about . What you talking about, tryin to throw it back on me, tryin to back foot me . Jimmy what are you talking about . Im not back footing roll the opening credits. Steve tonight, join jimmy and his guests right there. Steve Robert De Niro, [ laughter ] right there no, hold up, hold up, hold up. Show that last part again. Show that last part again, but slow it down. Jimmy okay, yeah, yeah, okay. [ laughter ] okay, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, okay, look, you you cant you cant be serious. Whatre you talking about . course im serious, man. You buy nuts from me every day before every episode, right . But then what do you do . You always run off and dont pay. [ laughter and ohs ] youre always like youre always like, im sorry, ive got a show. [ light laughter ] tonight tonight was the best one. You was like, sorry, Robert De Niro is on the show. I i gotta go. Jimmy look, im sorry, bud. Look, look, look man, sorry dont pay for nuts. [ light laughter ] now hold on. As i tell you every single night, man, its 3 a bag, and i put my fingers just like that. [ laughter ] and this is your 1,973rd show. So that means you owe me 5,919. [ laughter ] jimmy thats a lot. Yeah, well, i just dont be giving out my nuts for free. [ laughter ] jimmy all right, all right, ill pay you. All right, also now, look now, you know you could work it off, by just plugging my business on your show. Jimmy fine. Whats the name of your business . Deez nuts [ laughter ] deez nuts, deez nuts. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy ahh, okay, all right, thank you. The nut vendor from the opening credits, everyone. The nut vendor, thats him. [ cheers and applause ] i know him. I know him. Steve i cant believe that. Why, i never. Jimmy did you guys see this . The Major Airlines are suing to block a rule that would require them to disclose all their fees, saying that it would confuse customers by overloading them with information. The new rule would save customers an estimated 500 million a year. So yeah, i think i speak for everyone, when i say, go ahead, confuse us. [ cheers and applause ] were good. Well figure it out. Some tv news, amazon prime is coming out with a jeopardy spinoff called pop culture jeopardy yep, pop culture jeopardy which is nicer than the original name not smart enough jeopardy [ laughter ] and finally, i heard about a a church in germany that put on a Taylor Swift Themed service to try to boost attendance. [ light laughter ] its the first time kids in church were scolding their dads like, shh, pay attention. [ laughter and applause ] we have a great show, everyone. Give it up for the roots. Come on. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, roots. Welcome to the show, everybody. I want to welcome everyone who watched our tenyear Anniversary Special earlier tonight. That was so much fun. Crazy looking back on all the stuff that weve done all all these years. Steve its crazy. Jimmy i mean, yeah. But me and you by the way, steve higgins, i couldnt do the show without steve higgins. [ cheers and applause ] couldnt do the show without you. Weve known each other weve known each other for steve since 98 . Jimmy since 1998, yeah. Steve 1998. Jimmy 26 years. Steve thats almost ten years. Jimmy steve writes and produces on saturday night live, and we did so many bits together. What did we do . Barry gibb talk show. Weve done corksoakers. Steve yep. Jimmy celebrity jeopardy steve jeopardies. Jimmy all that stuff. Steve all the my favorite one was when we had to think of the bit for mick jagger. Jimmy oh, my god. Steve and we thought of 300 bits and we go, well put the well put this one in, too. Jimmy no, what happened was, i went to lorne, cause mick jagger was the musical guest and he wanted to do a a sketch. And lorne i go, i got a a good idea. What if i, like, do mick in the mirror . You know, and i talk like that, you know. And lorne goes [ light laughter ] lorne goes, please dont do that. [ laughter ] he goes, its been done, jimmy, its been done. Lucille ball has done it, blahblahblah, the marks brothers. Dont do it. Its its its lame. I go, okay. So we pitch ideas to mick jagger and i pitched him steve probably 30 ideas. Jimmy 30 ideas, im like hes really nice. So, im like, heres me and you, we work at a sunglass hut, or whatever. And he was like, no, dont like that. And i go, heres me and you, you clone yourself as keith richards. So hes like, nah, i dont really like that. [ light laughter ] and i go, heres me and you eating ice cream, were licking it off the same cone. He goes, no, i dont really like that. [ laughter ] and so im running, flop sweats coming down, im running out of ideas. I go, how about you come on, youre like, why am i doing this show . Ive done it so many times, in the 70s and the 80s. and im your reflection in the mirror, and im like, yeah, whatll do that . and he goes, oh, i like that. [ laughter ] so, i had to go to lorne i had to go to lorne and go, oh, yeah. I go the good news is he wants to do a sketch. Bad news, were doing the mirror bit. [ laughter ] but it turned out to be one of the best things ever. Steve it was great. And we had to build the set so fast. Jimmy overnight. We wrote it on a friday. Steve yeah, it was crazy. Jimmy but do you remember when i first came and asked you to to be my sidekick and announcer . Steve oh, yeah. At the paul weller concert with fred. Jimmy yeah. We went to irving plaza. And i was running over there, and i didnt know that you were going to be there. Steve no, cause i went with fred armisen. He goes, you want to go see cause he knows i love the you want to go see paul weller . I go, yeah. So i see you, i stand behind you, and i think i put my knee in your leg so you went like that. Jimmy yeah, yeah, you did some type of joke for me. But then, i go, higgins, i was actually going to talk to you. And you go, before you say anything, i just want to let you know, i want to help you with whatever you do with your show. And i go, thats what i was gonna ask you. I want you to be my sidekick, my announcer. Steve i said, oh, my god. [ audience aws ] jimmy yeah, thats where it happened. And now here we are. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. For all the laughs and all the fun. Of course, the roots over there, we couldnt do it without the roots, ladies and gentlemen, right there. The best band [ cheers and applause ] in all the land. Ten years. Tariq ten years. Jimmy ten years of tonight show, but five years of late night, too, on top of that. Tariq yeah. Jimmy and i do you remember how we first got in touch with each other . Questlove yeah. You came well you asked neal brennan. Jimmy yeah, i asked neal brennan, who was a writer and producer on chappelles show to if he wants to help with late night. He goes, no im gonna kind of focus on comedy. And i go, comedy . Like, standup comedy . And now hes one of the best, you know, standups out there. So i go so he goes, no, thanks. But whos gonna be your band . And i go, i dont know yet, i know. He goes, you gotta pick a good one, cause conan has a great band. I mean, hes got max weinberg, thats a great i go, i know. Hes like, you know what . You should ask the roots. I go, you think the roots would be my house band . He goes, oh, no. But you should ask them [ laughter ] cause theyll help you. They know people, and theyll help you get a band, but theyre no. So i go, oh. Then i go, whats the worst that could happen . Steve yeah. Jimmy so i asked the roots, their manager richard at the time, richard nichols. And, i said i asked them, and then i didnt hear back for two months . Three months . Questlove yeah, three months. [ light laughter ] jimmy four months, Something Like that . Yeah, i get it. Theyre just not that into you. So i go, okay. [ laughter ] and then i stalked you, right . Tariq yeah, yeah, you did the same thing that you did with higgins you cornered us at a concert. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, i cornered you in the most polite, charming way. Tariq yeah. Jimmy i saw you at ucla, right . Questlove we were getting our no ready our no ready. And then, i did an interview, and then came out of my trailer, and you had convinced these guys to get in a human pyramid. Tariq yeah, yeah. Jimmy yeah, we got in a a cheerleader pyramid. [ light laughter ] questlove and thats when i knew you werent taking no for an answer. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats the truth. That was it, but its great to look at all those memories, and all that stuff, and just have all the fun that weve had on this show. And i cant thank this crew and staff enough. Everybodys been with us since day one. And i just love ya. [ cheers and applause ] and thank you, of course, to everyone here tonight, and everyone watching at home. You changed changed my life. Changed my life. Thank you so much. We have a great show for you, tonight. Hes one of the greatest actors of all time. His new movie ezra is in theaters may 31st, and his annual tribeca festival kicks off june 5th, right here in new york city. Robert de niro is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] another one of my favorites, her Las Vegas Residency, chelsea at the chelsea kicks off Labor Day Weekend at the cosmopolitan, where she will make history as the venues first female headliner. Chelsea handler is here this evening. [ cheers and applause ] the best. And weve got special, great music tonight with ms. Lauryn hill and yg marley [ cheers and applause ] stick around. Well be right back with go on, git come on back, now. [ cheers and applause ] at university of maryland global campus, getting a bachelors degree doesnt have to mean starting from scratch. Here you can earn up to 90 undergraduate credits for relevant experience. What will your next success be . Shopify helps you sell at every stage of your business. So you can sell it online, take it in person and go big. Like a million orders big. Whatever the stage, businesses that grow grow with shopify. Its your time to cache in. So dont just play. Stay at northern californias premier casino resort. Book your getaway now. At cachecreek. Com. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back, guys. It can be hard to say goodbye, but sometimes you have to. And there are a few things id like to say goodbye too right now. Its time for go on, git [ cheers and applause ] go on git go on git go on, go on go on git jimmy go on, git, people who keep asking to try different samples of ice cream before ordering. So, youre telling me you dont already know what cookies and cream tastes like . [ laughter ] well, heres a hint, cookies and cream. Why dont you take your tiny spoon, quit holding up the line, and pick a flavor already. How about one scoop of go, sprinkle in a little bit of git. [ cheers and applause ] go on, git, ambiguous instructions for wedding attire. [ laughter ] what the hell is casual elegance, or blacktie beach semiformal . Am i supposed to wear a tuxedo or a speedo . [ laughter ] you got me wearing a bow tie and a baby bonnet. What the hell kind of wedding is this . Im happy you found the love of your life, but i before i drink your open bar dry, i now pronounce you go on and git. [ cheers and applause ] [ spitoon dings ] go on, git, people who say, i promise this isnt a spoiler. Spoiler alert, yes, it is. You know why its not a spoiler to you . Because youve already seen the show already. I just want to watch baby reindeer at my own pace, okay . And while im doing that, you can go on, git, nipple. [ cheers and applause ] [ spitoon dings ] [ spitoon dings ] [ spitoon dings ] someone else is spitting in my spitoon. [ laughter ] [ spitoon dings ] [ spitoon dings ] [ laughter ] go on, git, people who feel and squeeze every fruit and vegetable at the Grocery Store before buying them. Im trying to buy food for my family, not watch you start an only fans with a tomato. [ laughter ] so before you grope a grape, go on and git. [ cheers and applause ] go on, git, friends who say, you want to share an entree. Are we in a restaurant or on survivor . [ laughter ] only thing were going to share is a check, and i ordered a a little bit of go on, but i aint paying for that git. [ cheers and applause ] go on, git, caprisun pouches. Youve been around for 50 years. Why hasnt the Scientific Community cracked an easier way to get a straw into you . [ laughter ] i dont want to have to feel like im a scorned wife in a a lifetime movie every time i want to get my fruit punch on. I banish you to the mini fridge in the garage. Now, git. [ cheers and applause ] oh, its windy. Its windy today. Go on, git, scissors that come in a Plastic Package that i need scissors to open. [ laughter ] this is a real chicken and egg situation you got me in. How am i supposed to open my scissors if i dont have any scissors . [ laughter ] and i just spent 20 minutes looking for my glasses which apparently were on my head. But now i can see the eye chart nice and clear and it says, goongit. Go on, git. [ cheers and applause ] its hard to see them go, but im glad ive got it out of my system. Stick around, well be right back with Robert De Niro [ cheers and applause ] [ cellphone ringing ] phone call from the boss . Sorry. Outdoor time is me time. Sticking it to the boss, that sounds fun. We have sort of a flat hierarchy, so wait, flo isnt the boss . Well, you could say im a boss at helping people save when they bundle. Nope, thanks. Were not gonna say that. Id rather not. Very cringey. 9 out of 10 people dont get enough fiber benefiber is the easy, gentle solution for every day. Its plantbased prebiotic fiber nourishes good bacteria in your gut working with your body to promote digestive health. 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His new movie, ezra, is in theaters may 31st, and the 2024 tribeca festival kicks off june 5th here in new york city. Please welcome Robert De Niro [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats what im talking about. They love you. They love you. I love you. Welcome back to the show. You were actually on my very first tonight show. Yes. Jimmy i had a i said, hey, my friend i had a a 100 bet with my friend that you said id never host the tonight show. And look at me now, you owe me a 100 bucks, and then you came out and threw 100 bucks on my desk. [ light laughter ] so that was good luck. [ cheers and applause ] that was good luck. Yeah. Jimmy yeah. You actually were my firstever guest on late night back in the day. Oh, really . Jimmy 15 years ago. Wow. Jimmy i couldnt book the show, and because i was taking over for conan obrien, i was brand new and no one knew if i was going to be a hit or not. And so i remember we did a a couple of Charity Events or i did something with you at the tribeca festival. And i called you and said would you want to come on, and youre like, i have nothing to promote or talk about, but i will. And i go, ill never forget that. You did me a solid. That was awesome. That was really nice of you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Congrats on your ninth Academy Award nomination, by the way. [ cheers and applause ] not too [ cheers and applause ] not too shabby. Do you get excited when you get nominated for yeah, i mean, i dont get not excited. [ laughter ] its nice. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] i feel like our interviews have gotten better throughout the years. [ laughter ] but do you how do you act, though. Because, what, youre up against robert downey, jr. So your name is pretty similar. [ light laughter ] yeah, it was. And he was great in the movie. Jimmy oh yeah, yeah. I didnt recognize him in the beginning, and i kept saying, whos that, whos that . And then i realized it was him. Then i saw him at a thing last summer and i said, you were terrific, really great. Jimmy but when youre at the Academy Awards and they go, the winner is robert de yeah, yeah, that happened. That happened. [ laughter ] jimmy like, i saw your face i didnt go like this, but i jimmy a little bit, yeah. I saw you react a little bit there. You were like. Then i got used to it after a few times. [ laughter ] jimmy you just kept standing up and sitting down. Like, congratulations. Yeah, awesome. [ laughter ] i want to talk about the tribeca festival. Because this is 23 years, you and Jane Rosenthal yes. Jimmy started this. I think i was at the first one, with you. Yes. Jimmy we did a bit together, but 23 years. Yeah. Jimmy amazing. [ cheers and applause ] was it was it always the plan to just keep doing it every year . No, i mean, we didnt know how it would turn out, and every year it would still be going strong. So we just kept doing it. But we had no idea that it would hopefully it would, but, become part of the city, part of the fabric of the city. And so it did. And its great. Jimmy and now its everything. Its tv shows, its podcasts, its video games. Its the biggest thing out there. And i think its so cool what youre doing for all these young directors, too, and all these new movies. They owe a lot to you and jane and what you guys have done for the city. Thanks. Jimmy thank you very much. Congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] lets talk about your new film, ezra. This is this is fantastic. And i love everyone involved with this. How did you how did you get hooked up with this . Well, they had contacted me about doing it and being a part of it. I wasnt sure in the beginning. I asked for a reading, a table reading. I do a lot with a movie, ill have a we sit around a table and some of the actors who are already involved, just a bunch of actors had gotten together. Jimmy Bobby Cannavale is great. Yeah, and so we had the reading, and then i was still apprehensive about certain things, i wasnt sure. And we talked about it, and they adjusted those things and so on and so forth. Everybody was so nice, good spirit. People who had this had been involved in situations with their own kids, say the writer, tony spiridakis, and myself and so on. We all had that thing together. Jimmy a child with autism, but its a great story, and once again, you do a fantastic job. Heres Robert De Niro in the movie ezra. Take a look. You cant even say the word. Its just a word. Autism. Yeah, whatever. Saying it out loud, it itll help ezzy in his life. Yeah, you know what . I dont im not sure about that. Weve got to be able to talk about this and not okay, tell me. What do you want to talk about . Be hiding, i dont want to be hiding about it. I wanna talk about it, i want to give it a name. I wanna get all the help we can get. Whos hiding . Whos hiding . Nobody is hiding. Max is hiding him right now. He took him, hes hiding him. Hes not hiding him, hes taking him somewhere. Jimmy Robert De Niro, everybody [ cheers and applause ] ezra is in theaters may 31st. Check out tribecafilm. Com for tickets to the tribeca festival. You always show up you always show up for me. I love you, bud. Thats it . Jimmy thats it. Robert de niro. Come on back. More tonight show, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] limu emu. And doug. bell ringing limu, someone needs to customize and save hundreds on Car Insurance with liberty mutual. Lets fly inaudible sounds chief doug. inaudible sounds ooooo ah. elevator doors opening inaudible sounds i thought you were right behind me. Only pay for what you need. Liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty. [song playing here comes the hotstepper by ini kamoze] man ooh woman 1 haha woman 2 hmm hmm woman 3 ha ha mom the moment i loved our Subaru Outback most. Was the moment they walked away from it. daughter mom mom oh, thank goodness. 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She kicks off her Las Vegas Residency chelsea at the chelsea Labor Day Weekend at the cosmopolitan, where shell make history as the venues first female headliner. Please welcome, Chelsea Handler [ cheers and applause ] jimmy come on, bud. Im so happy to see you. Happy birthday jimmy yeah, thank you very much. Its the shows birthday, you guys. Its ten years. Jimmy ten years, a big deal. [ cheers and applause ] youve always been great to us. Do you know, this is actually your this is your 14th appearance on our show. 14 times . Jimmy yeah, thank you very much for being a great guest. [ cheers and applause ] wow. Well, i want to say thank you for being a very gracious host. Because you probably dont know this, because you guys are in the audience, or in the audience but backstage, whenever i bring any of my nieces, or nephews, or family members, jimmy is the most gracious host. Comes, takes pictures with my whole family, and is so nice. And not every talk show host does that. So i really, really appreciate it. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you for saying that. Were gonna get to this, youre making some history here. Look at that smoke show, you guys. Jimmy look at that thats what im talking about. [ cheers and applause ] you look fantastic. Stunner, stunner. Do you by the way, i always think about this, the first time you ever came on the show, it was late night and i was very nervous. Oh, yes. Jimmy and we did a bit where we raced through the audience. Do you remember this . Yes, i beat you, right . Jimmy yes, you beat me. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy and im very competitive. I remember wearing nursing sneakers, because you guys didnt have any sneakers for me to run in. So, i had to put on these like white, heavy, reebok nursing sneakers. Jimmy yes, we wanted to make sure everyone was safe. And then i got very competitive. The idea was we had martini glasses. Yes jimmy cause you that was part of your cause i like alcohol. Jimmy you do like alcohol, yeah. [ laughter ] thats why. I was trying to think of a a different reason, but yes. And we had to run through the audience, and then come down and pour whatever we had left in a beaker, and see whoever got past a certain line fastest won the game or Something Like that. Yes, and you but you didnt it didnt go well for you, cause you ended up breaking the glass and fall did you fall . Jimmy yes, i slipped on your face . Jimmy i slipped no, i slipped on the vodka and fell on my hands. And i was so it taught us a a lesson because it wasnt plastic, we used glass. Yeah. Jimmy and so i cut both of my hands open. And was bleeding, like, a a lot. And we were wrapping up the show, and i was like, goodnight. Thank you. And then im like, oh, my god. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, no, cause i i think i had your book, and i was holding your book. And i go, pick up chelseas new book. And there was blood all over the book. [ laughter ] and you were like, oh, my god whats wrong . Youre bleeding. Are you okay . You okay . It was crazy. We actually we have a clip of it . [ cheers and applause ] [ audience ohs ] jimmy why why was i why am i that competitive . Youre just being funny pouring it into a thing. Yeah, well, i mean, honestly, i have im an advanced drinker, so i dont have the issues that youre dealing with. I can run and drink. I can swim and drink. [ laughter ] i can play volleyball and drink. I can do whatever. Jimmy volleyball, yeah. Im happy that you came on the show tonight, you and Robert De Niro. I know, im very sexually attracted to Robert De Niro. [ laughter ] im not gonna im not gonna pretend that im not. I have i couldnt even go near him backstage, because his girlfriends back there, and i dont want her to think that im making a move. But i am i want to make a a move, you know . [ laughter ] i just i have a penchant for elderly men. Jimmy you do . Yeah, i do. I always date older. I mean, at some point ill have to stop, you know, because its gonna get too old. But i [ laughter ] i feel sexually attracted to Robert De Niro. I always have, and i would like to be penetrated by him. [ laughter and ohs ] jimmy okay. [ cheers and applause ] all right all right. All right. I am gonna change the subject. [ laughter ] chelsea, i want to talk to you about this. This is a giant deal, las vegas. How exciting. First of all, i have to say, im so appreciative, because ive been on tour for a really long time. This tour im enjoying very much. I get to perform at amazing venues like the kings theater in brooklyn im doing. Im doing the Santa Barbara bowl. And then i get this opportunity to do a show once a month for the next two years in vegas, which is the most ideal amount of time to spend in vegas is 24 hours a month. You know . [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, cause you yeah, you dont want to spend more than two days there. And i love vegas when for the right amount of time. I like to gamble. I like to drink. I like to perform. Its got all of the fixings that i enjoy. Jimmy for one day. For one day. cause when you gamble, you want to go in and gamble, and get out. You cant just keep gambling, youll lose. So im going to turn the cosmopolitan casino into the luckiest casino in vegas. Jimmy thats what im talking about. You are going to do that. [ cheers and applause ] im lucky, and now the cosmos gonna be lucky. Jimmy you did you did a a photo shoot there. You were there last week and your team went down. Heres you gambling with doug. Jimmy with doug. [ laughter ] i mean, i didnt know hes already gambling . Yeah, yeah, the apple doesnt fall far from the bottle. [ laughter ] jimmy hes already gambling. How did you really gamble while you were there . Well, what i did was i asked the casino i didnt have any money cause we all flew in for the day to do our photo shoot, and, you know, promote this, and blah, blah, blah. And i asked the casino to give me some cash. And i said, can we have some cash for everybody on my team, cause i want to teach everybody how to gamble. A lot of people were scared. They hadnt gambled before. And i was like, ill show you the way. And i was like, if youre with me, youll win. I know we would win. I knew it. Im just im lucky like that. So we we divvied up the money. They gave me 1,000. And in like five minutes, everyone on my team had made 500. And i made 1,500. And then i was like, lets go. And then the casinos like, what about our 1,000 . And i was like, welcome to my residency. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy Chelsea Handler, everybody [ cheers and applause ] her residency, chelsea at the chelsea, begins Labor Day Weekend. Get tickets now. More tonight show after the break. Stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] are you joking . [laughing] youre joking. Tell me youre joking. Uh, its a little early for jokes, but here it goes. This muffin goes on vacation whats happening . You said joking three times, thats why im here. Uh, anyway, so this muffin well i was just excited about my new car. New car . Oh, you dont need a joke, you need a jake. [singing] like a good neighbor, state farm is there. Your state farm agent can help you choose the coverage you need. Alright, ive got a show, so you forgot your toothbrush, jimmy fallon like a good neighbor, state farm is there. We really dont want people to think of feeding food like ours is spoiling their dogs. Good, real food is simple. It looks like food, it smells like food, its what dogs are supposed to be eating. No living being should ever eat processed food for every single meal of their life. Its amazing to me how many people write in about their dogs changing for the better. The farmers dog is just our way to help people take care of them. When you purchase a pair of bombas socks, tees, or underwear, you also donate one to someone facing homelessness. One purchased equals one donated. 100 million donations and counting. Visit bombas. Com and get 20 off your first order. luke this will be a gold mine of local intel. 100 million donations and counting. marci so, tell us about this corn festival. stylist oooh you got your corn pudding. marci so. Is it safe around here . stylist sometimes. [luke gasping] marci no eyebrows . luke think of how light itll feel in the summer. We gotta run. Eleven thousand more neighborhoods to go vo ding dong homesdotcom. No application fee if you apply by may 31 at university of maryland global campus, offering online and hybrid courses and lifetime career services. Learn about our more than 125 degrees and certificates at umgc. Edu. [customer service rep] discover customer service, this is maya. Jennifer oh, hi maya. You robots are sounding more human every day [customer service rep] at discover, everyone can talk to a human representative. Jennifer alright, prove it. [customer service rep] wait, are you a robot . 24 7 u. S. Based customer service. Jennifer how would i prove that im not . 24 7 u. S. Based engineered to minimize noise. And built for adventure. Which can also be your own quiet cabin in the woods. The fully electric q8 etron. An electric vehicle that recharges you. How we get there matters. Remember when i said we need to screen for colon cancer . Was that after i texted the age to screen was now 45 . [both] because i said cologuard® hey there where did he come from . Yup, with me you can screen at home. Just talk to your provider. [both] well screen with cologuard and do it my way. Cologuard is a oneofakind way to screen for colon cancer thats effective and noninvasive. Its for people 45 at average risk, not high risk. False positive and negative results may occur. Ask your provider for me, cologuard. False positive and negative results may occur. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy here with a special performance of exfactor, survival, and praise jah in the moonlight, give it up for ms. Lauryn hill and yg marley [ cheers and applause ] let me take it back. We gon take it back. It could all be so simple yeah whoo but youd rather make it hard lovin you is like a battle hey oh and we both end up with scars tell me who i have to be to get some reciprocity yeah no one loves you more than me and no one ever will no matter how i think we grow you always seem to let me know it aint workin it aint workin it aint workin it aint workin and when i try to walk away youd hurt yourself to make me stay this is crazy this is crazy oh this is crazy this is crazy glorious be to the most high jah. Rastafari. New york city i need yall to make some noise for yg marley. Jimmy fallon, are you ready for yg marley . Come on. What you doin . Make some noise for yg marley. They dont want us to be who were sposed to be but we are who we are thats the way that its going to be they dont want you seeking for the truth and its hard to find it hidden right in front of you oohee oohee whoa and theyre showing us to fight through every struggle never ever let them put you in a bubble and the brimstone will rain from our fire tell me if that is what you desire control control control control control control they want control of we and they want control over me over me they keep on fighting us down keep on surviving even though they put us through the ground yo yo yo that same bullet killed lumumba that same bullet stole Fred Hamptons thunder that same bullet put sam cooke six feet under that same bullet took medgar evers out bobby another kennedy split the nation of islam up into enemies that same bullet traumatized wouldbe men turned wouldbe revolutionaries into barbie and ken that saltpeter in a heater we lost so many many turned automaton afraid to get shot down like malcolm x in the audubon the same bullet took so much young black potential just cause theyre black theyre perceived as a threat a premature death some just walk down the street some for resisting arrest some at home in their beds some just for taking a breath or for daring to dream or for having success this construct is tricky it was made for a few if you dont hold your peace theyll come after you too that same bullet is for population control and we all to have to face that dark night of the soul if you gone walk worth your salt if you havent been told youre gonna have to have faith its calculated and cold that same bullet tries to control the appeal of men like huey newton and his man bobby seale that same bullet even shot at bob marley for preaching one love as a Single Authority and that bullet doesnt have to be literal theyll try to take a man down just for being political assassinate character with the click of their thumbs like a gun to make the people go deaf blind and dumb so overcome theyll be content with the crumbs i keep reminding my sons thats how business gets done and reminding my daughters to watch for verbal assassins should they decide not to cashin they like puppets they control with string levers and pulleys and if seduction dont work theyll be back to bully control control said theyll be back to bully control control control theyll be back to bully they want control of we and they want control over me lets go. Come on. Yeah. As we proceed. Yo, whats up for yg marley. Make some noise, lets go. Yeah, yeah, thats right, standing. The number one reggae record of the century. All my bob marley fans, make some noise, come on. Lets go. [ cheers and applause ] tell em, son. Yeah. These roads of flames are catching afire ahhahh showed you i loved you you called me a liar oh no no no no no baby tell me where you gone gone gone and ive been fiendin for your love so long oh we can praise jah in the moonlight oh baby if you with me better do right and ive been gone too long too long and im hoping that you sing my sing my songs ive been on this road for way too long ive been hoping that we all get along come on. These roads of flames are catching afire yall sing ahh showed you i loved you you called me a liar give jah the thanks and praises ive been on my own all along but we aint never left alone lone lone and if im telling you the feeling is wrong relax a little friend this wont take too long and when youre feeling alone you can call my phone is there a better way to go . Teach them something before they lose their soul teach em. Oh no no no freedom is the road oh no no no comin in from the cold tell em, tell em. Tell them not to sell it its worth more than gold and what . And guiltiness will catch them in the end give jah the thanks and praises give jah all the thanks and praises come on, sing. Give jah thanks and praises lets give jah the thanks and praises give jah thanks and whoaoh give jah the thanks praises make some noise for yg marley. Happy 10th anniversary, jimmy fallon. [ cheers and applause ] give it up one time for ms. Lauryn hill, yg marley [ cheers and applause ] jimmy ms. Lauryn hill, yg marley catch ms. Hill this summer as she resumes her miseducation of lauryn hill 25th anniversary tour. Yg marleys new song, survival, is out now. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] its a beautiful. Day to fly. Wooooo get exclusive offers on select new volvo models. Contact your volvo retailer to learn more. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my thanks to Robert De Niro, Chelsea Handler, ms. Lauryn hill, yg marley, and the roots right there from philadelphia pennsylvania. Thank you for watching. Stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Goodnight, everybody. Thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight ed oneill comedian nikki glaser executive producer of a gentleman in moscow, writer amor towles