Transcripts For KNTV The 20240703

Enrique, all right, so one of those three just looked at you when you said enrique, were getting close to friday. We are. Thanks for joining us. We hope to see you back here tomo [ cheers and applause ] steve from studio 6b in Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show starring jimmy fallon. Tonight, join jimmy and his guests Michael Phelps, jon glaser, music guest laufey, and featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 1970 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy come on. Thats [ cheers and applause ] thats how you do it. Thats a great crowd right there. Please, please enjoy yourself. Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. You are here. [ cheers and applause ] you made it. Thank you for watching at home. Guys, im very excited about this. The most decorated olympian of all time, Michael Phelps, is my guest tonight [ cheers and applause ] and in michaels honor, under my suit im wearing a speedo and have shaved my entire body. So yeah, thats [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. Meanwhile, i saw that for the olympics, reeses just unveiled the new medalshaped Peanut Butter cup. Take a look at this. Mm. Steve ooh. Jimmy yeah. [ light laughter ] medalshaped reeses Peanut Butter cup. Thats less im competing for the olympics, more im competing for the ozempics. You know . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Some political news, today, former president trumps attorneys finished their crossexamination of stormy daniels, and they accused her of lying and hawking merchandise for personal gain. [ light laughter ] and trump was like, this also feels like a shot at me too. [ laughter ] todays crossexamination was described as heated and intense. Which coincidentally are the only two settings on trumps tanning bed. [ laughter ] heated and intense. Im going to go for five minutes intense, please. [ light laughter ] yep, the testimony was heated and intense. Trump was like, if you think thats bad, you should see the texts im getting from melania. Thats heated. [ laughter and ohs ] thats heated and intense. steve i gotta sleep in a a tent. Jimmy listen to this, according to experts, if trump goes to jail for violating his gag order, he will likely just be locked up for an hour or two behind the courtroom. [ laughter ] in other words, trump would be the first former president to be given a timeout. [ laughter ] and if that doesnt work, theyre going to take away his ipad and no dessert for a week. [ laughter ] oh, man, have you guys heard about the cybertruck recall . It is not good. Check this out. We do have a recall alert for you this morning. Nearly 4,000 Tesla Cybertrucks are being recalled. Experts say a faulty accelerator pedal could become dislodged. Tariq what . [ light laughter ] aw, man, i just bought a a cybertruck. Jimmy geez, im sorry about that, tariq. Tariq its okay. I can still get around in my hyundai luxury genesis. Jimmy oh. Tariq oh, what . Jimmy roll the clip. Attention hyundai drivers, the automakers recalling more than 31,000 of its luxury genesis vehicles. Tariq what . [ light laughter ] jimmy i i mean, im sorry. Im sorry, tariq. Tariq man, what am i gonna do for mothers day . I was gonna surprise my wife by picking up her favorite pizza. Jimmy oh, yeah . What kind is that . Tariq well its the 802 vt frozen meat, crispy woodfired crust, handmade pizza. [ light laughter ] weve got a recall alert for you now, the 802 [ laughter ] vt frozen meat, crispy woodfired crust, handmade pizza. Tariq come on jimmy well, well, what else does she like . Tariq yeah, im trying to think. Oh, oh, she really likes that aruba aloe Hand Sanitizer gel. [ light laughter ] the alcohol and arubo aruba aloe alcoha alcolohada gel. Aruba aloe balm nv is voluntarily recalling 40 lots of aruba aloe Hand Sanitizer gel, alcohol and arubo aruba aloe alcoha [ laughter ] alcolohada gel. [ laughter and applause ] tariq i give up i might as well get her walmart [ cough ] excuse me packages of ground beef. Walmart [ cough ] excuse me [ laughter ] recalling packages of ground beef over possible e. Coli contamination. Tariq thats it, im done. Jimmy there you go. Tariq trotter, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] arubo, arubey. Steve hes done. Jimmy yeah, hes done. Guys, switching gears, i saw that disney and warner bros. Are planning to offer a new streaming bundle of disney , max, and hulu. [ audience oohs ] yeah. Although im not sure about the name. Nu dix, hu dis . [ laughter ] steve hey ho jimmy you remember it. Steve yeah. Jimmy well, guys, sunday is mothers day so of course companies have been releasing many sentimentalstyle commercials. And i saw a few recently that really stuck out here. Take a look at this first one i saw. Look at this. This mothers day, show mom your love, show mom your appreciation, and show mom how dad lost the house. Draft kings. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy heres another heartwarming one i saw. Look at this. At home depot, we care about what mothers need the most, lockable bathroom doorknobs. [ laughter ] because sometimes, you just need five effing minutes by yourself to stare at your phone. Home depot. This mothers day, mommy needs some alone time. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey guys, i heard that masked burglars in atlanta broke through a ceiling of a a strip club and stole 250,000. [ audience oohs ] even the strippers were like, if youre willing to touch that money, you can have it. There you go. [ laughter and applause ] guys [ cheers and applause ] finally, it is thursday. It is time for wepost. Here we go. Wepost wepost jimmy welcome to wepost. This is where we, as a group, decide something that we should post on socials. Im gonna show you five different posts, and were all gonna vote on whether you like each one or not. You all have voting clickers at your seat . You see em . Should be next to you or underneath the seats. There you go. You can vote for all of these. You can vote for none of them. Whatever you want. Were gonna see the results live. Higgins, you . Steve got it. Jimmy roots, you have clickers. Tariq yep. Questlove yeah. Jimmy all right, per whoever im gonna post which one gets the most likes from you guys because its not a a mepost, its a wepost. You see what im saying . [ scattered cheers ] yeah. All right, good. Heres the first post. This is, i wonder if employees at zoom work remotely. [ laughter ] you guys gotta come in. Okay. Yeah, okay. All right, well see this one. I think i know the results here. Steve yeah. Jimmy yeah. [ drum roll ] oh, not bad. All right, not bad. 89. Being very polite. A great, nice, polite audience, yeah. [ laughter ] not necessarily the funniest, but they go, well, its not the worst. Okay. Tariq its generous. Jimmy yeah, its very generous, yeah. All right, lets check out this next one. It says, saying im just juggling a lot right now is a a cry for help for everyone except jugglers. [ laughter ] thats impressive. Steve thats true. Jimmy its impressive. Youre like and then if you take a bite . Thats pretty awesome too. All right, lets see the results on this one. Id probably say a little bit better. What do you think . [ drum roll ] yeah, not bad, okay good, were getting the hang of it. Okay. I like this next one. But i dont know. Steve right. Jimmy what how many do we have left . Three . Three more of these. We have five total. They dont necessarily get better. [ laughter ] tariq just different. Jimmy just different, exactly, yeah. But i like this one. Ready . Here we go. I bet dave did the bar part, and buster did the arcade part. Buster sounds like more of an arcade guy name. [ laughter ] like buster yeah, buster would do the arcade. Dave is like, all business, like, i gotta do the bar. I got well get sliders. Well get chicken fingers. And buster is like, we got skeeball you know, you know yeah. All right, lets see the results here, dave busters. [ drum roll ] all right, not bad. All right, here we go. This next one says, i wonder if nudists imagine people with their clothes on when theyre nervous giving a speech. [ laughter ] just picture everyone with their clothes on. Just close your eyes, and picture everyone wearing a a threepiece suit. All right, im feeling good about this one. [ drum roll ] im feeling good. I think this is gonna be the winner. Lets check out, what did the audience think . [ drum roll ] oh, yeah [ cheers and applause ] steve wow. Jimmy very nice. This last one here says, sparkling or tap . is a short way of saying, are you dating, or are you married . [ laughter ] were married five years, make it tap. Just make it tap. Yeah, were not whos impressing who here . All right. Lets see the results on this one. [ drum roll ] can you beat that last one . [ drum roll ] no, its not this. We went with number four is what were going with. The winner is right here. [ bell dinging ] nudists imagine people [ cheers and applause ] i will post this during the break. If you happen to see it online, give that wepost a repost. We have a great show. Give it up for the roots right now, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome to the show, everybody. Just a reminder, this is a big deal for us, tune in to nbc next tuesday, may 14th at 9 00 p. M. It is the tonight show 10th anniversary special. [ cheers and applause ] weve been doing this for 10 years. 10 years weve been doing this show. Its all the past moments, the best moments, from the past 10 years of our show. Two hours of our best clips, iconic musical performances, lip sync battles, sketches, interviews with nicole kidman, stuff like that. [ cheers ] its gonna be a giant party. Have a big party. I think you should do it now. You can plan, right . Whats today, thursday . So you got friday, saturday, sunday, monday. Just tell all your friends, come on over. I got some chips, i got some dip. Steve guac. Jimmy yep. I went to a party once i went to a party the last really party i kind of really went to, it was years ago, i just i think it traumatized me. But i didnt know what to bring over. I wanted to bring something. I called my mom, i go, what do i bring to a party . She goes, bring clam dip. [ laughter and ohs ] okay. I didnt know, clam dip. And i go, what is what is clam dip . I think it was just a can of clams chopped clams, maybe ketchup . [ audience groans ] and maybe triscuits, i want to say. Steve oh. Jimmy thats what i brought to the party. Steve mm, clams and triscuits. Mmmmmm. Jimmy yeah, clam dip. Anyway, i never got invited back. [ laughter ] but anyway, thats a tip, dont or you can have a clam dip party if you want to on tuesday. Its up to you, if you enjoy it. Or if you got a good recipe you want to send me for clam dip, im ready to try it out and improve on that recipe, which is just chopped clams and ketchup. But yeah, whatever you think is better than that, this tuesday, 9 00 p. M. , the tonight show 10th anniversary special. [ cheers and applause ] have a rager. Have a rager tuesday night. [ cheers and applause ] but first, what a show we have for you tonight. He is one of the worlds greatest athletes and the most decorated olympian of all time. He also has is an advocate for Mental Health awareness. Michael phelps is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] hes one of the best dudes. I love him. I love this guy. You can see him in the new comedy series, dinner with the parents, which is streaming now on amazon freevee, the very funny jon glaser is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] and we got great music from laufey, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] whoolala. Look at that, right there. [ screams and applause ] oh, wait, wait, what what what is going what is going on . [ cheers and applause ] what is we got a standing o. What is happening right now . Are you kidding me . [ cheers and applause ] thats maya rudolph [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Maya rudolph. [ cheers and applause ] what did what is going on . What is happening right now . Right now. Jimmy what is happening right now . Maya, what is happening . You tell me. I was in the building, so i wanted to see what you were up to. Jimmy i will tell you whats happening. Maya rudolph is hosting saturday night live this weekend [ cheers and applause ] with musical guest vampire weekend. Youre hosting the show. I am. I know. Jimmy i love you, and thank you for coming by. Oh, its my pleasure. Jimmy dude, always walk in. I love this. Maya rudolph, this saturday [ cheers and applause ] check it out. Well be right back with Michael Phelps, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy one, two, three. 10, baby. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy already, i dont like this. All right. Just just thank you. [ cheers and applause ] making your way in the world today takes everything youve got. You wanna be where you can see. Troubles are all the same. You wanna go where Everybody Knows your name. Theyre grrreat university of maryland global campus is a school for real life, one that values the successes youve already achieved. Earn up to 90 undergraduate credits for relevant experience and get the support you need from your first day to Graduation Day and beyond. What will your next success be . Remember when i said we need to screen for colon cancer . Was that after i texted the age to screen was now 45 . [both] because i said cologuard® hey there where did he come from . Yup, with me you can screen at home. Just talk to your provider. [both] well screen with cologuard and do it my way. Cologuard is a oneofakind way to screen for colon cancer thats effective and noninvasive. Its for people 45 at average risk, not high risk. False positive and negative results may occur. Ask your provider for me, cologuard. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is one of the greatest athletes in the world, and hes the most decorated olympian of all time. Hes also an advocate for Mental Health awareness. Everyone, please welcome, Michael Phelps. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy come on. The love, the love you get. Its so good to be back. Jimmy wherever you go people love you, bud. Its so nice to see you. You too. Jimmy thanks for coming back on the show. I was lucky enough to hang out with you, pretty recently. We were in vegas for Justin Timberlakes 8 00 a. M. Golf tournament. And and we we all go this is, what, the third year weve gone. Yeah, third year in a row. Yep. Jimmy and its so fun. We get to hang out. And people love you, by the way. I walk around a casino with Michael Phelps, people are like, oh, my god, its Michael Phelps. And you its just youre just its him. Everyones everyones looking at him the whole time. Jimmy no. [ light laughter ] its not me. Jimmy no. And youre just so nice to everybody. And i got to golf with you and hang out with you. And i just want to show a a picture of you golfing, just so everyone knows. Lets do it. What do we got here . Jimmy you you golfed this year shirtless, which i thought was why not . [ laughter ] right. Jimmy i mean, thats the way to do it. The way to do it. You got to. I mean, like, look, so, ive been a member of discovery land property, and you can golf without shirts. Jimmy whats discovery land . So El Dorado El Dorado in cabo. Jimmy okay. They have places all over the place, but for me, its nice getting some vitamin d, right . [ cheers and applause ] for me, i just jimmy of course you i go, i love that dude, youre always look at phelps. Were in vegas though. You know, i mean, look at this. Blake and it was me, blake, and chandler parsons. Jimmy oh, chandler parsons. Chandler was in there. Jimmy hes a and we just decided just to let loose and have some fun. Jimmy and blake griffin. Yes. Jimmy yeah. And no one yelled at you, no one cares in vegas. They go, go for it, and youre Michael Phelps. [ light laughter ] i didnt know if we were gonna get in trouble or not. Jimmy yeah. Because no, Michelle Michelle wie actually said to me afterwards, shes like, you didnt read the the rules. Like, you have to be in golf attire the whole day. So jimmy youre in trouble, no. I dont know. I dont like getting in trouble. Jimmy you get in a little trouble. But they do a great job over there. They do. Its incredible. Jimmy the people over at the wynn. Yep. Jimmy we were around, this is before you did that or maybe it might have been after this. I got a shot of you doing this golf warmup, and i just dont know what to call it. [ laughter ] is it is it, like what what do you call this move . So, its actually called hip airplane. [ light laughter ] jimmy a hip airplane. So, it basically really just helps me open up my hips and making sure my body, like, and everything is turning correctly. Jimmy yeah. So, in golf, right, everything has to move in sync. Jimmy i mean, for some people, yeah. [ laughter ] ideally. Ideally thats what you want. Jimmy especially for justin timberlake, its definitely got to be nsync. Oh. [ laughter ] jimmy but thank you, thank you. Cant turn it off. Cant turn it off. Thank you. Thank you very much. Appreciate it. [ cheers and applause ] no rim shot, nothing . [ light rim shot ] thank you, rim shot. [ laughter ] you want it. Jimmy better late than never. Yeah, what is the move. What is show me what to do. Okay, so youre on do you have a dominant foot . Are you right or left foot . I have no idea. I guess my right foot. [ light laughter ] how would i know my dominant foot . Like if im attacked . Are you a righty or lefty . Jimmy what do i kick with . Are you a righty or lefty . Jimmy righty. Okay, so you stand on one leg. Jimmy okay. You just go down. Oh, that ones tight. Yep, that ones really tight. [ light laughter ] jimmy so, you do this you do this before the golfing . And its here. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy yeah, i need see, i need to do wow, that is impressive. No, i cant do that. Come on. Jimmy no, i need like a a warmup i need, like, a a warmup before your warmup. A warmup before it . Jimmy yeah. But thats like for me, i have to do that, right. Like, i was on the on the the starting block, and i was always doinh my my my flap. So, thats kind of like my my golf flap. Jimmy no. Everyone always asks you to do the flap every time im with you golfing. People are like, michael, just do it. And youre like, sure, youre a man of the people. You got to. Jimmy youre like, lets do it. And you do the thing. I feel like our [ laughter ] i feel like my shoulders are gonna to break out. Jimmy no, its so good. Its just fun, and its just a a fun weekend, we all just get to hang out and and play golf and enjoy its just i do enjoy. This year, i was asked by nbc to cohost the closing ceremonies of the olympics with mike tirico. [ cheers and applause ] yes. Im freaking out. So, i need advice on that. But i was just going to ask you, what did it feel like . I know ive probably asked you this question a zillion times. Do you miss it . I mean, i know you have all the medals. Yeah. Jimmy you have so many gold medals, oh, my gosh. A couple. We got a couple. Jimmy but do you do you do you do you look forward to this olympics and you go, yeah, i remember doing all that stuff . Do you get nervous for these athletes . Do i think im looking forward to this year because i have less of a desire to get back in. Jimmy yeah. You know, i think in tokyo it was kind of like, im just kind of removed from the sport, like, its kind of weird sitting in a chair and not diving in the Swimming Pool anymore. Jimmy yeah. But now we have four kids, and im not getting in the pool anymore. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. I did say i will say, my son, the other day, had a a swimming exhibition, like first it was first grade swimming exhibition. Hes never had a swimming race before, ever. He literally said to me, hes like, dad, im going to jump off off the starting block. And i was like, awesome, i cant wait to see it. Doesnt jump off the starting block. But, as soon as he dove in, i mean, he was half a body like that. It was unbelievable. Ive never seen anything like it. Ive never seen him swim like that. He took two breaths the whole lap. And just i dont want to say destroyed everybody but [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy yeah, youre a dad. Youre a dad. You can say that. Youre a proud dad. Youre a good dad too. [ applause ] but looking forward to this summer olympics in paris, which im so excited about this yeah. Jimmy are you nervous at all that someone is going to break any of your records . All of my individuals are gone. My World Records are gone. But my medal count is still there. If somebody breaks that, i want to see it happen. Look, like i i know what i know what i put into winning 23 olympic gold medals and 28 total. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i cant even i cant even. Youre unbelievable. But for me, its like, if somebody does have that dream, and theyre not afraid every single day to go after it, then i want the record to be broken, right . Like, i think it would be so cool to have somebody accomplish their goal and their dreams just like i did, right. Jimmy thats awesome. So yeah. I hope to one day be able to see it. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats good for you. You always do a lot for Mental Health awareness. Its Mental Health awareness month, and youve done a lot for this, and opened up, and talked about troubles youve had. Does it its very strong of you and very brave of you to do that because the people you see sometimes, whether it be athletes or whatever, musicians, celebrities, actors, sometimes it looks like everythings great. Yeah. Jimmy and then you go, well, actually, im glad you asked yeah, 100 . Yeah. Jimmy im going through some stuff. And honestly, like what you just said resonates with me so much, because, look, like, when im going through my ups and downs, i still go through depression and anxiety, sometimes daily. Like im going through a little roller coaster right now, myself. But, you know, in those moments, i have a couple friends that will reach out to me, or ill reach out to them. Right, like, if i havent heard from somebody, i reach out to them, and i just check in, like, hey, buddy, whats going on. You know, like, jay glazers a a close friend of mine, and we do the same thing. Chuck barkley. Like, you know, a couple of those guys jimmy you and barkley . Barkley. But its just like, we just check in. Youre just like, hey, buddy, how are you doing . Like, everything okay . Right. And its for me, in those times when those messages come through, sometimes theyre so important, and they hit so hard, and it just honestly it helps me take that step back, and just take that deep breath and kind of get out of my own way. So, i mean for me, like, i want everybody out there to have that, right. Like, if you dont have somebody that, you know, you can reach out to when youre feeling down or when youre feeling sad, find that person, right. Its so important to find somebody that you can confide in, that you can share your personal stuff, and just be you. Right, like, my two bracelets that i have on my wrist are they both say be you. Be your authentic self. If you can do that every single day, youre winning. Jimmy thats what im talking about. Thank you for doing that. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for doing that. Youre a good man. Michael phelps, everybody. Michael and i are competing in a water war after the break. Stick around. Oh, no. Oh, no. [ cheers and applause ] oh, whoa hey, whoa whoa, whoa [ cheers ] yeah, i seen that. I see that. I know. [ cheers ] that is not too shabby right there. Thats good. [ cheers ] a better way to do things. Like bundling your home and Auto Insurance with allstate. Yeah, she knows. And some people. Dont. Like. Come on. Yikes ughh. No. You know, theres a better way. Save time and money by bundling your home and auto with allstate. Youre in good hands with allstate. [customer service rep] discover customer service, this is maya. Jennifer oh, hi maya. You robots are sounding more human every day [customer service rep] at discover, everyone can talk to a human representative. Jennifer alright, prove it. [customer service rep] wait, are you a robot . 24 7 u. S. Based customer service. Jennifer how would i prove that im not . marci so, how long have you lived here . opponent based over forty years. marci and how are the restaurants around here . Are they good, bad, meh . Whats the average Household Income . Is there a mall . I dont know. A hair salon . Where do you get your hair done . opponent you gonna move, or what . marci oh, im sorry. Its a lovely neighborhood. luke marci, weve gotta go. marci im coming luke weve got seventeen thousand more parks to visit. marci you wanna give me a hand . luke we bring you the best neighborhood info. vo ding dong homesdotcom. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back to the show. Michael phelps and i are about to face off in a water war. [ cheers and applause ] were gonna play the card game, war, but if you lose the hand, you get a pint of water in the face. [ audience oohs ] the first person to throw five glasses wins and gets to water cannon the loser. [ cheers and applause ] lots of ways to get wet, but only one way to win. Michael, you ready for this . I only know how to win, so lets go. [ drum roll ] jimmy oh i only know how to win. All right, here we go. All right. We dont shuffle are we shuffling . Jimmy its up to you. Do you feel like we need to shuffle . Ill go by your lead. Ill follow you. Jimmy or did our producers make it so that i know, i dont know. Jimmy Michael Phelps is gonna win . Lets go. Jimmy no, maybe lets go. Jimmy oh, wait, really . Lets go, lets go. Jimmy i i trust. Lets go. Jimmy ready . One, two, three. [ clapping ] [ audience ohs ] 1 and 0, baby. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right, so now you already i dont like this. All right. Just just thank you. [ cheers and applause ] that was very gentle of you, thank you very much. And its very cold. All right, here we go. Thats one, all right, ready . One, two, three. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy ace ace oh, it is so good to see, bud. [ drum roll ] this is just just like being back in the olympics. One, two, three. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, you go, bud. [ laughter ] come on, now now its a game lets go jimmy now, its a game together one, two, three. Go [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter and cheers ] jimmy that was aggressive. That was aggressive. All right, here we go. One, two, three. [ cheers ] [ laughter ] jimmy did you see it coming . I opened my eyes and saw water coming right at me. Jimmy you did . Come on, this is so fun with Michael Phelps. Getting wet with Michael Phelps, thats the new game. Tie game. Jimmy tie game [ laughter ] you only get wet with me. Jimmy all right, sorry. I understand, yeah, here we go. Together one, two, three. Go. Give me the ace [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i know what you were aiming for. [ laughter ] all right. Jimmy all right, we got two more gotta get three more to go. Its all right, no big deal. You sure you dont want to shuffle now . No, im good. Jimmy sure its all good . Yeah. Hows the water . Its cold, you shivering . Jimmy yeah, a little cold. Its all right, no big deal. [ light laughter ] ready . Jimmy one, two, three. Go. Yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right. I dont know what to do. I think i want to be gentle but jimmy no, you can go for it. Just do it. Okay. [ cheers ] jimmy youre being very nice. Youre being very nice. cause youre saving it for the water gun. Yep. Jimmy all right, you got one left. This is unbelievable. Come on. 41. Jimmy is this rigged . Is it rigged . I need another gold medal. Jimmy come on [ cheers ] together one, two, three go. [ cheers and applause ] yeah jimmy all right, you got that one and then the water gun too. [ laughter and applause ] this too . Jimmy yeah. [ cheers and applause ] wait, turn it around. Jimmy the winner, Michael Phelps, everybody [ cheers and applause ] jon glaser joins us, after the break. Stick around. [ cheers and applause ] the one and only, Michael Phelps [ cheers and applause ] oh, my gosh. That was awesome. [ cheers and applause ] now, theres skyrizi. Things are looking up, ive got symptom relief. Control of my crohns means everything to me. Control is everything to me. Feel significant symptom relief at 4 weeks with skyrizi, including less abdominal pain and fewer bowel movements. Skyrizi is the first il23 inhibitor that can deliver remission and visibly improve damage of the intestinal lining. And the majority of people experienced longlasting remission at one year. Serious allergic reactions and an increased risk of infections or a lower ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms, had a vaccine or plan to. 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Lets go again whatever you need, from coverage to service, get more with geico. ominous music yes, ahh mom what is going on with you . Get out andy get out of my room get out mom andy. Fight fight i didnt say anything. Yes you did. ominous music ominous music you made a cow actually its a piggy bank. My inspiration to start saving. How about a more solid way to save . Im listening. Well, bmo helps get your savings habit into shape with a cash reward every month you save. Both cash reward . And theres a cash bonus when you open a new Checking Account to get you started. Wow. Anything you cant do . mugs. Bmo [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my next guest is one of my favorites. Hes a very funny man, a very talented actor. You can see him in the new comedy series, dinner with the parents, which is streaming now on amazon freevee. Please welcome, jon glaser [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my goodness. Oh, my gosh. Jon. Jon glaser. Welcome back to the show. And thank you so much for oh, whoa hey, whoa whoa, whoa [ cheers ] yeah, i seen that. I seen that. I know. [ cheers ] that is not too shabby right there. Thats good. [ cheers ] thats good, thats great. That thats fantastic. Thats really good. Youre like Michael Phelps. You really are like a spitting image. What what is what is going on with the with the outfit . What is it . This is, so, this is im i grew up in the suburbs of detroit. This is detroit city fc. Its the local soccer club. Theyre a league below mls, and as everyone out here knows, dcfc just had a huge win in the u. S. Open cup, beating the reigning champs, mls team houston dynamo. So up yours, houston. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy what is wrong what is wrong with no one knows this at all. No one here knows about this team at all. Yeah, they do. [ light laughter ] come on, man. Its detroit city fc going on [ cheers and applause ] jimmy no, no one what is i dont know what that means. Your tshirt too says that as well . Yeah, i got a pretty sweet shirt here. [ light laughter ] got the scarf, the hat. I dont know if you wanna get the socks, if you want to get a a good sock shot. Jimmy yeah, i mean, we do always like a good sock shot. Yeah, there we go. [ scattered cheers ] jimmy unbelievable. Yeah. Jimmy hey, hey, keep that shot, that was pretty good. Can we do a sock shot one more time . See if we can get it a with thumbs up . Do you mind doing it . [ scattered cheers ] oh, yeah, wrong foot. [ laughter ] jimmy wrong foot. [ laughter ] oh, my gosh. Jon, it is so good to see you, bud. Im so happy to i want to congratulate you. Because you came out with your first comedy album, and it is a a masterpiece. I really it is the best. It is called jon glasers soothing meditations for the solitary dog. [ laughter ] its that is my dog gatsby, and hes watching at home. Good boy, gatsby. [ audience aws ] jimmy soothing meditations for the solitary dog, and its you with a framed photo its you and gatsby, then a a framed photo of you and gatsby [ light laughter ] with a framed photo of you and gatsby, and a framed photo of you and gatsby. It keeps going. Keep going. Jimmy i it just i started meditating there. It gets real thumbs up there too . [ light laughter ] and we missed now now jon oh, good boy. Jimmy now, what inspired this, i know, besides gatsby . But what i feel like i first heard about this, i go, i need this. I think the world needs this. Well, the premise of it is that its supposed to be an album you can put on if you have an anxious dog that has trouble being left home alone. You can put the album on, and its supposed to be very soothing for your pet. Jimmy yes. And then it becomes very much unsoothing. Its a comedy album. Its really stupid. [ light laughter ] jimmy its unbelievably funny. Its brilliant. Congrats because as far as good comedy albums go, it doesnt get much better than this right here. Thats what ill tell you that much right now. [ cheers and applause ] im talking grammy buzz. Im talking grammy buzz. Lets talk about dinner with the parents. Youre very funny in this thing, but i heard that one of the reasons why you decided to do this, because you got to work with a dog. Yeah. Its so, on the show, its about this family. They meet for dinner every friday night with their grown sons. Theres also carol kane, the legendary carol kane plays the grandma. You just watch the show for her, shes so funny. But the rest of the cast everyones great. But more to the point is, so i play the neighbor, and my character its based on a british show called friday night dinner. And that neighbor also my character has a dog. Which was for me, auditioning, im like, i hope i get this, so i can have a dog by my side every day that i go to work. And it really was the best. And so it was me and this dog, whose real name is sham, and hes, i think its a bouvier des jardins, or Something Like that . Really cute, youll see if you watch the show. But i got to go to work and have a dog by my side. Jimmy you went to london to work we filmed it in london, yeah. Jimmy i mean, which is a a dream right there. It was incredible. Jimmy but then you get a a dog, which you also love. But then you said that you also had a lot of time off, because youre not one of the every day youre not working, you have a couple days off a week. Correct. As the neighbor, you just kind of like, for me, im like, i pop in, say my shtick and then go home. And so i ended up with a lot of time off. I missed my family enough, but i really missed my dog the most. [ light laughter ] jimmy we can cut that out. Now, jon, you no, they know. They know. [ laughter ] jimmy dont get mad at them. Which cam, which camera should i look at so my family knows . They know [ laughter ] they know. Jimmy stop saying that to your family. [ laughter and applause ] you yell youre yelling [ applause ] how do we we already kinda did we set up dinner with the parents . How do we set up your i dont know. Jimmy yeah. Youre just you tell us. Did we . [ light laughter ] guess not. [ laughter ] jimmy they know. Yeah, they know. Jimmy your family knows. Which camera do i look at . You know why im here. [ light laughter ] jimmy you know you know why im here. cause of this [ laughter and applause ] jimmy that has nothing to do with anything. That has nothing to do with your comedy album, it has nothing to do with anything. Dinner with the parents, very funny, jon glaser. Lets take a look. You ever notice how all them ancient hebrews, they all took on multiple wives, right . You got your abraham, your david, even noah. That guy had two of everything, right . Exactly. So heres what i was thinking, just to balance the scales, dont you think that a modern hebrew, such as yourself, maybe you want to let your wife take multiple husbands. Goodbye, donnie. [ door slams ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy not bad. Thats how you do it, right there. Jon glaser, everybody. Dinner with the parents is streaming now on amazon freevee. Check out this, its a very funny record. More tonight show after the break. Stick around, everybody. Come on. You know you know, dont act like you dont know. [ cheers and applause ] limu emu. And doug. bell ringing limu, someone needs to customize and save hundreds on Car Insurance with liberty mutual. Lets fly inaudible sounds chief doug. inaudible sounds ooooo ah. elevator doors opening inaudible sounds i thought you were right behind me. Only pay for what you need. Liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty. Making your way in the world today takes everything youve got. You wanna be where you can see. Troubles are all the same. 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Youre not alone. Rent is up, and every family outing costs an arm and a leg. Well, we want to help. So when prices go up, we find new ways to go low. And now, weve lowered the price on hundreds of your favorite products. Designing something beautiful is easy. Designing something beautiful with great quality for a low price . Thats a different story. Its why were here. Thats a promise. Not a promo. Norman, bad news. Ii never graduatede. From med school. What . But the good news is. Xfinity mobile just got even better now, you can automatically connect to wifi speeds up to a gig on the go. Plus, buy one unlimited line and get one free for a year. I gotta get this deal. Thats like 20 a month per unlimited line. I dont want to miss that. Thats amazing doc. Mobile savings are calling. Visit xfinitymobile. Com to learn more. Doc . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy performing goddess from bewitched the goddess edition, please welcome, grammywinner, laufey. [ cheers and applause ] it always goes like this couldve predicted it im so naive to think you loved me for me kissed as i ran offstage youre too old to play this game guess youre still growing up at thirty ohooh were you surprised by me when you took me home when the glamor wore off reduced to skin and bone i cant even tell who you want to know im a goddess on stage human when were alone [ cheers and applause ] you took a star to bed woke up with me instead you must have felt so damn deceived when you made up a version of me that you thought youd love but i am not your aphrodite ohhoh were you surprised by me when you took me home when the glamor wore off reduced to skin and bone i cant even tell who you want to know im a goddess on stage human when were alone [ cheers and applause ] you took me for a fool you stole my youth you wanted this so much you watched me rise then killed my light and now you know that i am not your goddess ohh ohh im no goddess when im alone im no goddess when im alone [ cheers and applause ] jimmy laufey bewitched the goddess edition is out now. Well be right back, everybody. Come on back, lets go. [ cheers and applause ] wooooo [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my thanks to Michael Phelps, jon glaser, laufey, and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania. Thank you for watching. Stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Goodnight, everybody. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight tiffany haddish. Defensive tackle for the piur